GMT20250701-170030_Recording

The conversation revolves around preparing for a psychedelic experience and dealing with sensitivity and discomfort around certain people. The speaker struggles with feeling unsafe and vulnerable due to people's aggression and lack of self-awareness. They express feeling tense and uncomfortable in their body and seek support and guidance on how to navigate these emotions. Suggestions are made to find a safe space and supportive individuals to confide in, as well as engaging in meditation and self-centering exercises to manage sensitivity and discomfort. I need to start a message. Good, Yvette, welcome. Hi, Sammy. Thank you. Thank you. It's really good to meet you. Thank you for reaching out. I look forward to seeing what I can do to support you in whatever issue you have that is alive in you when it comes to psychedelics or anything that you are working with. If it's okay with you, I always like for us to start by centering ourselves, grounding ourselves in the present. I love doing this with all my friends, just to do a little meditation. Even if it's morning or if it's late at night, as soon as we wake up, we have so many things going on to prepare. If it's late at night, then we had a full day. I just invite us, again, feel free in whatever way that is comfortable for you. Keep your eyes open, closed, just for a few moments to be present, to be present in this time and in this space. This is what is alive. This is what exists. I invite us to take a deep breath in and to inhale and to exhale and just to feel how our body shifts in terms of our heartbeat and our breathing the moment we are aware of our breath. Breathing in, I'm aware that I'm breathing in. Breathing out, I'm aware that I'm breathing out. And as I focus on my breathing and become more aware of it, I invite us to also become aware of our physical body, to be aware of any points of stress or tension that might exist in our body. It's like doing a scan. And I'm still breathing, and I'm aware of my breathing as I scan my body and just simply acknowledge the points of stress or tension in me without analyzing, without judging, just to say, ah, this is what is present. And as I focus on my breathing and my body, I also invite myself to be aware of the sensations, the heat or coldness in the room that I'm in, the feeling of the clothes on my body, the smell, the taste, the sound around me. It's a way to just awaken our awareness and heighten it through awareness of what is happening around me and what is happening within me. Breathing in, I'm aware that I'm breathing in. Breathing out, I'm aware that I'm breathing out. And in this space of presence to my body and to my breath, I invite us to be aware of the thoughts that are entering and exiting our mind. The mind doesn't stop. Once I just create a space where I'm conscious and aware of the thoughts that are entering my mind, not lingering on them, not analyzing them, just allowing them to float like clouds through my mind and returning continuously to my breathing. Breathing in, I'm aware that I'm breathing in. Breathing out, I'm aware. And I invite us just for a moment to be in silence with this awareness of everything that is happening in this time and in this space, the physical, the mental, the sensational, the emotional, and just to breathe into it all in silence. And I invite us to complete this exercise by taking three deep breaths in and three full releases of every breath. And then after that, I invite us to slow down and just be aware of the thoughts that are coming in. Every breath. And then after that, I invite us to slowly open our eyes and be present for each other. Okay. We can welcome you again. It's getting dark where I am. Yeah, and I would love to hear from you what is moving for you. I just, just some thoughts came to mind in this, in this experience. I would just, that is specifically, I think those thoughts were coming just for this session too, which are in this preparation. So we're in preparation and rush out for two weeks towards a breath work experience. And I realized that a part of me doesn't feel safe. A part of me doesn't feel safe just being too sensitive. When, when people in my surroundings can be, can be aggressive or can be like unaware. Like in my surroundings, I can see that there's some people who are, I don't know how to call it, but basically like not interested in understanding themselves at all whatsoever. And so we'll be people who are projecting constantly or putting responsibility on others, perhaps having narcissistic traits or just, I don't know, I'm not a psychologist. I don't know if they have any kind of mental disorder, but I see that they have no interest in getting to know themselves. And so those were the thoughts in mind and just to be like, yeah, it's kind of like an uncomfortable feeling. And as we were doing the meditation, I could see how that was coming to mind. Thank you. I really appreciate you sharing this and being very vulnerable about it as you're sharing about people that are around you. That means people that you know very well and close to you. And just correct me if I'm just going to try to like reflect what you said. And then my line was like, you don't feel safe around these people that you feel. Yeah, there's no safety. You're very sensitive being around these people. You feel their aggression towards you or just the aggression in general that they are having. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I think it's just themselves. It's not necessarily towards me, but it could be always also towards me. I think it's just the way those people are. And in this time of washout period, I could see my body being more vulnerable and more open. And it's kind of hard. It's almost like as if I don't want to do it because I could feel things more. Well, thank you for sharing. Yeah, and if I just ask, what are some of the sensations that you're feeling around this in your body? Yeah, I feel very tense in my chest and my throat, my mouth, just in my arms. Yeah, my arms. Maybe legs too, yeah. Yeah, and I'm here to support you. And as a mentor, it's about helping you make the right choices for you. There isn't an answer that I will have for you. But it's also seeing, because part of what we work with as we are preparing for any ceremony is something we call the set and the setting. And the set is you. And how do we prepare yourself, your being for the ceremony that we are about to enter and have it also, while it's going through the washout process, also be in a safe container by itself. And so one question I have immediately that comes to me is, is there a space in your settings, in the people around you or where you live that you feel can be a place where you could continue to be in the preparation but also not be in direct contact with these energies that are now becoming very, you're becoming very aware of them because you're going through the washout. Is there anything that's... No, no. It's almost like a shared space where there's no... Yeah, I can't... I have my own space, but within the larger, I guess, communal space, there is the interaction with these people. And, yeah. Hmm. And one suggestion is, have you had any conversations with them? Are you... Is there something that you feel that you could... You have at least a listening in them that you could share, that you are in a very fragile process at this time that you need space, some support from them? Yeah, no. I think... No, no. I think a conversation won't have any effect. And I'm based on previous experiences, so I've tried to communicate before and in an assertive way. I have a psychotherapist who has helped me with the process, but the conclusion of the process has been that the best way for me to go in my day-to-day is basically to not engage or have the least engagement possible. But now I'm in the washout period, and yet I have to have the least engagement possible, but I'm becoming sensitive, so I sense a lot. So, yeah. Yeah. So let me ask, is there any person from this group that can be of support to you, a friend, family that you could even have this... Wow, okay. No, in the environment where I am. I can... Like, yes, I can in my day-to-day, I can go to do my own activities. I can go to the gym, and I can perhaps have coffee with a friend or something like that, but not in my environment. In my day-to-day environment, in where I am, where I'm living, there's no supportive person that could... Yeah, that I could have a conversation and say, hey, I'm going through this. I hope you understand. It's like, as I said, I guess those people could be very uninterested in their own self, therefore uninterested in others as well. Yeah, and I was just wondering, like, you have a friend that you could meet with, like, daily and so on, and just be present with them and share some anguish that you're going through, a space where you could release some of the stress that you are in, like just having somebody that just listens to you. Yeah, I can see a friend that I could talk to. Maybe not so much, because I think, like, Dallas is... So I'm based in Peru, and there's, like, a lot of sentiments about it. Some people are, like, leaning more towards religion, and they're like, oh, you shouldn't be doing this. This is not good. And other people are like, yeah, but I don't know too much about it. And it's kind of like I can't be as open. I would say, oh, I'm going through, like, a preparation time, and I'm becoming very sensitive. Yes, in fact, I have a friend that I can speak to, like, every day, and I chat. Like, I do have a friend that I can process certain things. But that processing, it's interesting, because I think that when I'm becoming more sensitive, because I can. I know my body can become really sensitive. So in the moment when I'm sensing, I'm sensing the things, I'm sensing even energy, it's hard for me. It's almost like as if I don't want to do it. I'm like, oh, I don't want to do it, because it feels uncomfortable to sense the heaviness or, like, this. It's just, like, complicated. Like, it's a heavy, heavy feeling. And it's almost as if, like, oh, I don't want to do it, or I would like to be somewhere else by myself without anybody around me to do this. That kind of a thing, yeah. I mean, there are different exercises that you could do to keep bringing back to your center and to your strength, even in your sensitivity. And I'm wondering if things like the meditation exercises that we learned here, you know, with the tongue and the eyes and the heart and connecting, like, even to do it as often as you can, maybe in a day. It takes five minutes. I'm just wondering, like, how do you recreate that space for you to be in safety from these energies as you are in this very sensitive place through meditation, through breathing exercises, walking in nature, maybe going out often. You know, you've already done a week of this, so almost just another week you've been holding up quite well. I'm just wondering if there are different other things that you could add to your day or cut from your day that can keep you focused on that space. Yeah, perhaps I haven't really seen, yeah, perhaps I haven't seen those exercises much. I've been relying on, yeah, my regular exercising and some, so I do some meditation every day. But even that, it is interesting because it is, the body feels sensitive because of the food, the washout, and the meditation sometimes makes me dive in and even more sensitive to the environment. Yeah, because you're fully aware of all the nuances happening, yeah. Yeah, and so it's like way more even. And so to me it's kind of like I want a way to not see or not feel, I guess, too much. And so that is the reason why I kind of want to be like, oh, baby, I don't want to become too sensitive like now. Yeah. It makes me stop. Yeah, it makes me stop or sabotage a little bit my own washout period, yeah. Yeah. Well, I have to share with you like the exercise, especially with the tongue, I've become so aware of it, how often the tongue is up, and realizing how physically my body also shifts and energetically shifts, so I'm just aware and put my tongue down even though I'm not diving into like a meditation practice, just to practice these sort of small alternative ways of being. And I would also really encourage you to, yeah, find spaces outside. If you don't need to be in this communal house, maybe you don't be there, unless you have to be there for an event or sleeping or resting, walking in nature, going out. These are things that can really help, I believe. In a way, you've started the journey with the washout, and so now you're experiencing all these energies coming in on you. Yeah. Those boundaries as well and protective measures to have them interfere in you. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's exactly what it is, because I've been in my experience with heightened states, I think the strongest I've ever felt was when I felt like I was way too open, like way too open, and I was very unexpected to, and it was way too open where I could see and feel this combination of things, of senses, but not only from me, but from others as well. And I think that there is a fear to go there because I had to ask for help. When I was in that moment, I had to ask for help and be like, I want things to be close, closer to me, please. I don't want to be that open. And a part of me, I think now that I'm recognizing there is this fear to get to that place, because I would like to go to those places when I feel safe, but if I do not feel like I'm contained or protected, okay, I can protect myself, but it's just uncomfortable when in the environment there is those sensations. Yeah. I mean, from what you're sharing with me, I understand that it was almost a very traumatic event that you had in the past. Would you call it a traumatic event, like when you were open and then all this? Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, no, it's fine. And having all these energies come into you, it shook you, and this is something that you're now very aware of and want to protect yourself. Yeah, I think more than traumatic, and perhaps pretty traumatic, because first it was very unexpected. I did not expect that. And more than that, I think it is the lack of understanding of what happened in that moment when I felt very overwhelmed from that experience. I think that it was just very, yeah, unexpected, overwhelming, and yeah, I guess traumatic. And I quite don't even understand until now what happened, but the only thing I get from, and this is something that I have to, because I didn't want to even say, I didn't even think about this, but I'm going to say it. I think it's that from that experience, from that being very open, I got a lot of feedback from many people around me saying that, oh, you know, if you are that open, and if you see those things around from you and others, and then you can clearly see that, that means that you are, like, called to develop more of those gifts that you have. And to me, that specific feedback makes me feel overwhelmed, because it makes me feel like, okay, I wasn't prepared for that. That was very unexpected. I don't understand it. And on top of that, people are telling me, you may have a gift to develop even more, but I don't understand anything, and the only thing I feel in the moment, I'm like, I don't want to hear anything. I want to close it up, and I don't want anything. I just don't want to get there. And I'm in that zone where I'm almost telling myself I don't want to get there. And whatever people tell me, I'm not going to listen. And I might listen at some point, but right now, I don't want to listen to it. Yeah, yeah. That sensation, yeah. I fully hear you, yeah. You know, what you're really doing is really practicing what we call trauma-informed care of yourself to realize that you have been impacted, and this is something that you're acknowledging now, to recognize that, yes, it had some effect on you, and in that, finding a way to respond. This is what we want to develop together, to respond, to have your well-being in a way that will not allow this re-traumatizing to happen again to you. And then so, again, we'll just sit and really talk about what are ways that you're not listening to the people that want to make you, you know, the goddess of ceremonies because you have such an open space, but to listen to your own self and say what is the protection that you need for yourself so that this doesn't happen again and again and again, these sensations in you. And if you have a talent and if you have something special about you, it needs that protection as well. It needs that protection. Yeah. And now, thank you for saying that because I didn't realize that this has to do with my mother as well. I think I got, my mother, when she told me when she was young, she started philosophy. And she said that once she was starting to think about, who knows what, meditating or life, you know, philosophizing and looking at the stars. And then she had an out-of-body experience, but she didn't understand what was that. But she said to me, I saw my body behind me. I saw my body on the floor and I was out there and I thought I was going to die. And then when I came back to my body, I was really scared and I never looked at the sky anymore in my life. Wow. And so she did that. And then through that, like, it could be also like that fear that almost like I heard about from my own mother. And then after, I was very curious what happened to my mother. And then like a monk at some point explained to me that it was basically meditation and what meditation can do for you. And I've explored that. And I was like, oh, my mom could have been, you know, guided in some way and not be so fearful about it. And now I'm experiencing something similar, but in a different way. And I'm like, I could see I'm afraid, but also I could also remember that there must be a way to understand things in a very titrating myself, like little by little, step by step. But things also happen very unexpected. And so it's not something that I would expect or I wanted. But I could recognize that, too. And I'm recognizing that that also has a link to my own mother. And maybe sensitivity could be also passed from my grandmother. Also, she worked spiritually and my mother. And maybe that is just a part of, but it's complex. So I'm trying to understand myself as well. But I think I'm understanding that it is very important to, it doesn't matter, like, what I can do. But what matters is that I want to feel safe. And I want to feel safe. And with this washout period, of course, I just like having some people around. It's just complicated, too. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing about your mother as well. And then you have inherited something in there. Yes. It's both the gift and the pain that we inherit. This is what we get from generations before us as well. And this is why, you know, like you're a person that is also very culturally connected to your community, to your tribe. And, you know, like if you're in the West, it might be easier because you just shut the door and ignore everybody. And this is how the West does it. But people, you know, where we come from, we are communal beings. We're very connected with culture and community. And so we have to also be present to that reality that we hold. Yeah. Thank you for saying that. Thank you for saying that because that has been also my challenge, I guess, to try to find the balance in between taking care of myself and having an individual approach to my safety and versus like thinking about the collective because I grew up mostly giving up on myself and prioritizing the well-being of the community or the collective and not thinking about myself. And then living in the United States, helping myself to learn how to focus on myself, what is it that I need? I want to exist as an individual, my own experience. And then that created a huge challenge with others around me, especially when I'm here in this society that is very collective. It created a huge challenge. So now there's like this dance of like, I want to have my own boundaries and I want to be very strong and I try my best to do it. But at the same time, I could see others have not explored their own individual experience because they would like too much on the collective. But they are very unaware of their own self. And that makes me feel sensitive to that. Yeah. Yeah. I think we are very, very similar in this. Also living in the U.S. and studying that culture and then coming back here into my culture. And then where because sometimes it's insulting to the communal when we focus so much on the individualism. And we have learned that there is value also in focusing and self-care as well. And finding that balance, I think, is important for us. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. So how do you think you're going to, how does it, as we're approaching our end of our time, like with you, how do you feel this week? How do you feel with your washout this week? What can I do to support you as well? What can, what are the things? Yeah. I think that I, I think something that I could do more is to prioritize a little bit more of my alternatives. Like what is it that I can do outside of the house? Try to prioritize more meeting with friends that I feel safe with. Just trying to go on walks in nature and like prioritize that this week a little bit more rather than spending time around here. Perhaps just being very intentional about, yes, maybe not focusing so much into like, I do not want to be sensitive, but more focusing on how can I be more safe? How can I find safe places and where can I find safe places? Very good. Yeah. Yeah. So like, yeah, not focusing so much into like, I'm afraid of being sensitive. I'm afraid of like. Yeah, that becomes a self-fulfillment prophecy. I do not want to be sensitive. Then you will become sensitive. But if you just focus on, yeah, like the positive spaces where you could be and do and honor that space of sensitivity in you as well. Like to give it real appreciation and respect for it and know that its time will come. I just wanted to ask, have you done washouts before as well? Yeah. Yeah, I have done it to do ayahuasca. I've done two weeks with my washout. They're very, very successful. At that time, my mom was alive. So she had some sort of, I had some sort of connection with her. It was very easy for me to do this, yeah, the washout period. And it was like, my body was really sensitive. So, but now that she's not here, also maybe it's a part of like grief too that I'm not like seeing and acknowledging. But, yeah, probably. To offer maybe, you probably have it like an altar or something and maybe put a picture of her and you can just connect with her and pray with her at an altar that you create. And that can bring you back into that spiritual connection with her. Maybe that can help have an offer. Yeah, yeah. That's a great idea. Thank you so much for offering that. That's a great idea. All right. I think that I have some stuff that I can focus on for next week. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Wow. Okay.