s1e14

Rosina Marie, host of Flight Passport and Purpose, shares her personal journey of healing from a breakup and emphasizes empowering women of faith to be better. She discusses the challenges of heartbreak, self-care, and learning from mistakes. Rosina acknowledges the pain and stresses the importance of self-love and reliance on God's unconditional love during tough times. She encourages women to focus on personal growth, surround themselves with positive influences, and learn from experiences to avoid repeating past mistakes. Rosina emphasizes the need for self-respect, healthy boundaries, and embracing God's love while navigating through heartbreak and self-discovery. Welcome aboard Flight Passport and Purpose. I'm Rosina Marie, your guide and host through space, healing, real talk, bestie vibes, and unapologetically being yourself. Your seat is ready. Let me see your passport. Wow, Mama, great photo. Mine looks like I just survived turbulence. Have a seat, buckle up, enjoy the view, and let's take off. Hey, girls, so forgive me. I am getting over a cold, so I'm going to be possibly coughing and sniffling with my nasally voice through this episode, so I'm sorry if it's annoying because honestly hearing myself right now is giving me anxiety. But this episode is going to be primarily focused on how to just move on. So this episode is for my girlies. I know you're out there. We've been chatting, DMing each other. I know you're heartbroken. I am right there with you. All right, so let's just talk about how we can move past this. So really quickly, I started this podcast right after my breakup, and this podcast was not necessarily – the theme of this podcast is not just to talk about my breakup and singleness. It's not that. This podcast is for women, women of all walks of life that want to just be better and be inspired and lean closer into their faith and just be better women because we're not perfect, and we can always be better. So I'm incredibly humbled that you're listening, and it's very humbling that I get – I just took a couple of girls that aren't even known. They just sent me a DM saying, thank you for sharing your story. Thank you. I feel encouraged and inspired. I'm in the same boat. I was just cheated on. It makes me very sad. I was actually at dinner the other day with a friend that I was catching up with, and the ladies next to me were talking about a man who cheated on their friend, and they just didn't understand it. Why is cheating so normal? It's actually disgusting. It's disgusting. Cheating is not okay, and we need to get help if you are the cheater, and if you have been cheated on, you also need help in certain ways, whether you need to go maybe to therapy or just connect with a community of girls that can uplift you because when you're cheated on, your worth is crumbled and it's shattered, especially if you love somebody. I've never been in love before. I did fall in love with this man, and I don't regret it, no, but sometimes I kind of do only because I feel like I was the only one that loved in the relationship. I'm going to be very vulnerable with you in this episode, as comfortable as I feel. I always try to have healthy boundaries. We should always have healthy boundaries. Just because I have a podcast doesn't mean I'm going to share with you my entire life. My best friend always says, you've got to keep your secret garden secret. That's the wellspring of your heart. That's just an encouragement for you ladies as well to share what you're comfortable with with other people so they can uplift you and encourage you, but you also don't owe anybody the keys to your heart, the keys to your garden. You have the right to protect your privacy and to have boundaries and share what you want to share, and if you don't want to share certain things about your relationship or what you're feeling and going through, you don't need to, but I'm going to be as vulnerable as I feel comfortable for you. My early episodes were really based from the breakup and what to do after breakup, what not to do. Well, I'm going to tell you something right now because I want you to feel ... I just want us to feel good right now. I want us to feel raw and honest. I'm going to be honest with you. The things that I told you not to do, I've already done. Yay. I won't go into much detail, but yeah, I've slipped, I've messed up, and I should have taken my own advice because after those mess ups and those slip ups, I have felt 10 times worse, and I put myself there. Not my ex. No, no, no, no. I'm not pointing fingers. I put myself in that position. Now, it's very easy to allow the pain and the hurt to allow you to make choices and decisions that perhaps will bring some temporary pleasure, gratification, and you're just like, you know what? It hurts too much. I just want to numb this pain, whatever that may look like for you. I mean, there's endless possibilities in the world that we live in, unfortunately, that we can just numb our pain with, but then it will make this feel emptier when we're done. Or the next day, or the next week, and we're like, man, I shouldn't have done that. It didn't help me. It didn't benefit me. That's not how I want to heal, and I deserve to treat myself better than that, and let me just tell you, you just got to give yourself some grace. Not only do you have to give yourself some grace, but you can't numb this pain. I don't know how long it's going to take for you to not think about him every single day. I don't know how long it's going to take for you to not cry yourself to sleep every single night. It might take months. I'm ready for that to end very soon because I think I am aging in my eye area. I see wrinkles that I am not wanting. I've also been so stressed. My stress acne, hormonal acne, hormonal imbalances, your body reacts. I'm getting sick a lot. I'm super bloated. I can't lose weight. Everything, I'm not hungry. I'm not eating. Your body is going to start reacting to this heartbreak, and months have passed, and I am now seeing it all. And then it just makes me wonder, is it really worth it to stress this much about a man who doesn't care about me, and this is how my body is reacting? No. It's easier said than done, all right? Of course it is. You're going to mess up, and it's okay. I have been brought to my knees these past months, asking the Lord for forgiveness, asking the Lord for healing, asking the Lord to teach me something through this season because I know that he's trying to teach me something. I know it. I know that he's trying to teach our exes something, but for sure he's not letting this pain that we're going through go to waste. He has a purpose behind this pain. I fully believe that, but I also think God is expecting us as women of faith to be obedient and faithful to him, and I know it's very hard because when we mess up and when we slip up, we might feel condemned. Remember, condemnation is not from the Lord, that is from the enemy. You might feel convicted, which is, you know, I always say, if I feel convicted after messing up, I know the Holy Spirit is working in me. I'd rather feel convicted than not feel convicted, so be grateful for that conviction. But it's going to happen, but we need to hold ourselves accountable as women of faith, as women, right? We need to show ourselves the self-respect that we know we deserve, that we know we're worthy of. We need to show that to ourselves. Ladies, we are going to meet a man one day. Maybe you're going to meet with your ex in some years and he's going to change and it's going to be, it's meant to be, or maybe not. Maybe you're going to meet somebody else, but whoever that is, they are never going to love you the way you want to be loved. That's just the reality of it. Why? Because they are flawed. You need to learn how to love yourself when that individual with good intentions may disappoint you. Then you also need to learn how to accept and embrace the love, the unconditional perfect love that God has when you disappoint yourself. The only love that we really need to hold on to in times like this is that of God. We're going to disappoint each other in this life. We're going to disappoint each other, ourselves, our loved ones. It is what it is. We are not perfect. We have selfish natures. We're sinful. We just mess up. We're not perfect. So we cannot expect to find the love that's going to fulfill us in this life. We just can't. But in this moment that you're single now, even if you're heartbroken, I really do believe that you're even more powerful than you are and than you were with him or with a man. God can use you. God can use your story. God can use your pain. God can use your story. God can use your voice. God can use your tears. God could use those sleepless nights. God can use the confusion that you have to comfort somebody else. We're not meant to live this life alone. We are meant to learn. God made us not only to love and to experience his love, but to learn. He gave us these beautiful minds. We have to use them. We're a society that's always trying to learn anything and everything, right? Literature, art, math, politics, the self-help books. I mean, there's so many self-help books. We're always trying to learn how can we be better, how can we do better. We're wired to do so. So let's learn together. Let's not make the same mistakes, the same mistakes that are bringing us down and hurting us. You might have to detach from some people. You might have to just maybe take it easy for a little bit. Revisit your social circle. See if those people are impacting you in a positive or negative way and focus on yourself. Focus on your heart. Focus on people, not just people, but virtuous people in your life that will hold you accountable lovingly and honestly. So I want to share with you, because I've already told you that I've messed up, but I'll get into a little detail here. I'll show you this one story. Because I think it's very normal to feel like you're going crazy in this time when you miss your ex and then you just feel like they don't think about you and they're probably with somebody else and they're doing things with somebody else and it makes you sick. It makes you absolutely sick. I think it's normal to feel like you're going crazy. I think it's very normal as well to not have a desire to date. I have no desire to meet anybody right now. No desire at all. And it actually scares me a little bit. And my best friend did say, she goes, you know, Rosina Marie, I know you're healing and this is going to be at your own time, but do not hold on to this. Do not hate all men now. Do not be one of those women that because you got hurt like this, because you fell in love and you feel discarded the way that you do, that you're going to push a good man away when you do meet him. And I'm not going to lie, I'm a little worried. Because right now, again, I have no desire to date. Men just give me the ick. Except for Glenn Powell. He doesn't give me the ick. If he wanted to take me on a date, I would say yes in a heartbeat, even with my stress acne. I would be like, absolutely. I'll put some concealer on it and we're going to go right now. Give me half an hour. But in all seriousness, it's okay to feel these things. It's also okay to not want to hang out with people. Maybe, I don't know, it's just, I feel like when you're healing, you just don't want to really do much. You want to focus on yourself and you just want to get better. I also feel like it's okay to feel like you've lost your spark. You look in the mirror and you're like, where's that glow? Where's that hope? Where's that spark, that fire that I used to have? It's gone. I can't find it. I know it's because that flame within us is just dimmed right now because of the hurt and the pain. We're maybe still viewing ourselves with hurt colored glasses on. We see ourselves as unworthy and unlovable and undesired and that's not the case. We know it's not the case, but we feel it. I've been really struggling with my feelings and my beliefs. I know that I'm worthy, but I don't feel it. I know that I'm loved, but he has not made me feel loved. He's made me feel so unlovable. I know that I'm special, but he has made me feel like nothing. It sucks. Again, this is just where we have to take accountability for how we move on with our lives, ladies. I was very big on like, no, don't reach out, don't text, don't do this. Well, I did it. Funny story, I broke up with him. Right, we all know that. I've said that plenty of times. We get it. Then he went very avoidant. He was getting very distant. I mean, and I'm sure in a man's mind, he's like, well, she's done with me and that's it. You know what it is. I'm going to heal the way that I know how and that's to distance myself completely and wholly. Through that process, it got a little messy, just a little messy. I was very low, in a very, very low place. The last text that I got from my ex was about two and a half months ago, I want to say. What doesn't help is that I see him sometimes. We work very close by and it doesn't help. When I'm at my place of work, I see his car like literally every two seconds and it actually pisses me off. It's difficult. If you have to see your ex, it's hard because you know the feeling of you had something with this man and now when you see him just some feet away from you, he won't even look your way, won't even look at you. It's like you're strangers again. To me, that is just the most painful thing and it makes me feel so unwanted and it's just so hurtful and it makes me sick just thinking about it, but seeing his car and seeing him honestly doesn't help. When I don't see his car there, mentally I'm better, but because of that, I'm consistently reminded of this man that I still love. Funny story, if you think you've done something crazy to get your ex's attention, let me share my story. I do this because I love you. I texted him, I don't know, a month, oh my goodness, I think it was actually exactly a month ago. Not that I keep these dates in mind, but yes, it's been a month, exactly one month that I texted him wishing him congratulations on his promotion or an exam he passed. He was able to buy a house and I was so happy for him because I know we talked about this when we were dating and I genuinely want the best for him. So, me being me, I text him and I wish him well. I also tell him that I do feel like everything was a lie in our relationship, the way that I felt for him wasn't, but I don't want any hard feelings. I hope we can get past this and I care for him. I'm so happy for him and this is just the beginning. It was a very nice text, very, very nice text. It was not aggressive at all whatsoever. He didn't respond, so you know what I did? Because he is right next to where I work, my business, I was having a very stressful day, putting out fires in front of everybody and I remember how much I missed just having company and having someone listen to me. My work is very stressful. I'm not a doctor or anything. No, I just own a restaurant with my parents, so yeah. I'm not saving lives, but sometimes I feel like I'd rather, I would have rather gone into medical school because the challenges that I face sometimes I think are too much for me, but they are growing. They're molding me into the woman that I am today. Long story short though, I was so stressed and I missed him and I said, he's probably having a bad day. I know that he likes a cappuccino, loves cappuccino, loves my cappuccino because I made everything with love for him. Oh my God, it's so embarrassing. I made him a freaking cappuccino and I had an employee of mine take it to his work. Oh my God. Again, ladies, if you really feel like you've done crazy things, I hope this makes you feel better. I'm doing this for you, but honestly, just don't worry about it. I think at the end of the day after that, after his silence, I'm here trying to show him that I love him and that I genuinely want the best for him and he's not even giving me the time of day after everything. Sometimes you just have to let people go that do not appreciate you. Sometimes you need to have your friends remind you, Rosina Marie, why are you chasing him? I know you still feel for him. I know this hurts. You still love him, you forgive him, but you still have to deal with so much pain because of his actions and you're still showing him attention and showering him with that. You need friends that can lovingly tell you to stop acting like a psychotic person and I'm glad that I do. I really am, but ladies, you're going to have to let it hurt in order to let it heal. There's really no other way around it. You're going to have to mess up. You're going to allow, you're going to mess up. You're going to mess up. You're going to have to not beat yourself up when you mess up and when you do crazy things like I have done, you're going to just have to say, you know what? I know who I am. I did those things because I have so much love to give. Still after everything that that man has done, you still want to love that man. Now, he's not allowing you to. The kindest thing that you can do for yourself is to move on. The kindest thing you can do for yourself is to stop chasing him. Stop showering him with undeserving attention and move on as hard as that is. Move on. Let it hurt. Let it heal and then you're going to be able to grow. I don't know how long the healing process for you will take. I don't know how long the healing process for me will take and I think it's different for everybody, right? But I do know that God is not going to leave your side and that God has counted every single tear that you have shed for that man. I think God is just also wanting to hear what you want. I keep praying, Lord, I don't ever want a man to make me feel like this again. I just don't. I don't. I know you don't. If you've been cheated on, I don't want to make the same mistake again. My intuition was telling me something since the beginning and I ignored it and I beat myself up for that too, but what's done is done. And now we just have today and we have each other and we have God's love to be able to get us through this. So let it hurt so it can let it heal you and so that you can grow from this. I'm so sorry that you have to experience this pain. I'm so sorry that you're so confused. I'm so sorry that you don't understand why he would do something like this to you. And I'm so sorry that you feel so unlovable and so unwanted and so undesired. A real man will not make you feel like this. No, he won't. Take the time. Do not force. Do not rush. This is your process. This is your journey. People are going to have their opinions on what you should do and how soon you should date and how soon you should meet other guys. Take your time. Listen to your gut this time. All right, listen to your gut. Pray. I will say I just joined a Bible study some weeks ago that a friend of mine had texted me about and I'm so glad I joined it. It's every Wednesday. If you can find a Bible study, I say go. It breaks up your week. Go to church. Get the good news flowing in you. The world is going to try to distract you and tell you how to numb your pain and it's not going to help. I can tell you from experience. So ladies, just remember, stay rooted in truth, anchored in grace, live boldly and just walk your purpose. This isn't going to be easy, but one day you're going to look back and be proud of yourself for getting you through this season in your life. You're going to be grateful that this happened because it shaped you to the woman that you are today. He might have broken you, but you're picking up the pieces right now and that's okay. You are going to be rebuilding yourself stronger and stronger. I truly believe that. Always here for you ladies. Keep your head up high and do not lose the faith. Until next time.