new year new me myth

The transcript is about a discussion on the myths and magic of "new year, new me." It explores the pressure and expectations associated with New Year resolutions and reflects on the idea of growth and self-improvement. The speaker encourages reflecting on the past year, acknowledging wins and mistakes, and questioning the need for a completely new version of oneself. While fresh starts can be inspiring, they also come with unrealistic expectations and pressure. The speaker emphasizes that growth can sometimes mean rest, saying no, and accepting that not all goals are achieved. The discussion touches on the positive and negative aspects of setting New Year resolutions, highlighting the importance of reflecting on personal growth and progress. Hi everyone, welcome to sit down talk with Tomi where we will, where we have real talk about life, relationships, family and any other discussion. On here we speak about anything and everything and because every topic is at the table we are open to anything and we are open to speak on any topic that you like. So our topic today is on the myths and magic of new year, new me. So I'm very sure every one of us has heard something about, oh, going into new year you heard, you've heard about, oh, new year, new me, new year, new resolution and things like that. It's that time of the year again, the new year, new me season, you know the vibe where we have gym membership, you have motivational quotes flooding your feeds, it's like the entire world suddenly wakes up and decides to start over. If you are watching this, it probably means the year is winding down and like me, you are doing that thing, reflecting, remembering, maybe even quietly judging yourself a little. You know that annual review we all do in our heads, did I do enough, did I grow, did I waste my time, or even right on cue comes the big slogan, new year, new me. So we see it everywhere, on gym parts, on planners, the quotes on Instagram that says this is your year, and it always sounds so shining and hopeful, right? Yes, we sometimes feel like, oh, this is the new year, new me, new year, new resolution, so you have to abide with some rules. But sometimes if we are honest with ourselves, it can also feel very heavy because it puts you on the spot and puts you under pressure. So like if I don't change anything about myself, I have somehow failed. So today I just want to talk about that, not in a self-help guru kind of way, no, not at all, I'm not a guru, I'm just speaking from my own perspective, but in a real human way, that is just me speaking, or thinking, thinking out loud, as they say. So let's unpack what this new year, what it really means, and what we mean by new, when we say something is new, what that means, and also whether, or maybe, just maybe, we don't need a new version of ourselves at all. And don't get me wrong, I love fresh starts, there's something about flipping the calendar to January that just feels like possibilities, but before we jump into who we are trying to become next year, I think it's worth pausing to look back on what we have already been. Because the truth is, we can't really move forward if we don't reflect on what brought us here. That's true, you can't really reflect on it, because sometimes you just, you can't jump a loop because you want to move forward in life. You have to think about your past and think about what has happened so far in your life before you can move forward. So on today's topic, it's all about reflection, the wins, the mess up, the lesson learned, and asking whether we really need a new me, or if we just need to reconnect with who we are already. So well, let's start by defining what new year means. According to Oxford Dictionary, the new year is the start of a new calendar year, especially the period of celebration marking the beginning of that year, which is commonly January 1st in many countries. New year also refers to the start of a new calendar year, yeah, I've said that, and it is a time when people reflect on the past year, set new goals, and celebrate fresh beginnings. This is often marked by tradition, parties, and cultural rituals around the world. That is when you say, oh, new year, I'm going to my friend's house to eat jollof rice and chicken, I'm going to my friend's house to celebrate with them, and things like that. The Western calendar is most widely at dot one of the world, which is January 1st, but that does not change the fact that other cultures also celebrate new year on different dates. That's true. So some people celebrate new year on, even in September, I think, I can't remember the country or the religion that celebrates new year. I think even Chinese, Chinese celebrates new year, I think, mid-January or mid-February or something like that. So reflecting on the year, so when we reflect on this year that we are in, we need to have a really deep thought about it, and by that, we first need to take a puff, let's take a deep breath, and think about it properly. Thinking about this past year, what comes to mind first? That should be the first question in your mind when you want to reflect on this past year, what comes to your mind first? Is this something you're proud of? Or is this something you wish went differently? Like, oh, I wish this was better, or I wish I improved in this assignment or work or friendship level or marriage and things like that. So this past year, for me, I'll talk about myself, it's a mix. Some months felt like chapters of a story I was proud to write. Other months are more like a messy draft I wanted to tear out and start over, like, I don't want to have this, I don't want to go through this, and put that behind me. There are days I woke up feeling focused and grounded, like, oh, yes, I am very, very good, let me do this, I can do this, like I was finally figuring things out, like, yes. And then there are days I start to do, I stare at my to-do list, completely disconnected, like, wondering what was the point of even writing all this rubbish, writing all these lists that I've not even accomplished one of it. So sometimes you reflect on that. I remember one night around, sometimes around June, I was sitting in my car after a long day strolling through my phone, you know, the normal usual thing, checking on Instagrams and things like that. I saw a video and I was like, oh, this person came to UK after me, and why is she making so much, why is she ahead of me, kind of thing, I was comparing my progress to someone else's eye-light view. And I caught myself thinking, next year I will fix everything, I will be different, I will be better, I will do things right, I will move forward, I will pursue my dreams and things like that. But that thought, that next year phase, it is very tricky, very, very tricky, because it makes it sound like this version of me right now, it's not enough. Like I have to completely start over just to be worthy of a fresh start, which is a bad thing, like, you're putting yourself in a bad situation. And that's what I've been reflecting on lately, actually, I have been having a deep thought about it, what do we believe growth has to mean, becoming someone else. So for me, when I look back at my life from a year ago, it wasn't a perfect year, I had goals, there are goals I crushed, and goals I completely abandoned halfway, like, it's not worth it. Some months I felt unstoppable, where I want to do and be everywhere, other months I just, I was just like trying to keep my head above water. But that's kind of what life is, right? You can't always have it 100%, a mix of progress and repulse, that's it. One thing I realized this life is that growth doesn't always look like forward motion at all, don't let them deceive you about that, it doesn't look like, oh, it's always, you have to, when you are growing, it is always a forward thing, it's always a positive thing. Sometimes growth looks like rest. Sometimes it feels like saying just no to things, if you know you're not comfortable doing things, either for people or even for yourself, say no, just say no, say no, you can't do this at this point, you can't do this at this moment. And sometimes it's admitting, yeah, that goal didn't happen, but that's fine, I didn't accomplish this, I didn't finish this, but that's fine, it's good, at least you made an attempt to start it, that's the point. So if you are watching this right now and I want you to ask yourself, what actually worked for me this year and what didn't? So if you can ask yourself that, just think about it, take your time to answer this question, what actually worked for me this year and what didn't? Because those answers, the honest ones you say or think of, they tell you more than any fancy version board ever told. So all these things that you see on Instagram, I'm not saying most motivational speeches are not good, but if you reflect on yourself and you ask the right questions. Let's talk about this whole new year, new me idea. It's very catchy, it's very motivating, but is it realistic, truly, is it realistic? There are some things beautiful about the new year. There are some things beautiful about the new year, but is it realistic, truly, is it realistic? There are some things beautiful about the new year, but is it realistic, truly, is it realistic? So I was talking about the new year, new me idea. It's very catchy, it's very motivating, but is it realistic? Is there something beautiful about the new year? The blank page feeling, the possibilities. It's like the universe is giving us permission to dream again. And I love that energy, I really do. That collective moment when everyone is setting goals, organising their space and making plans, it feels electric. It feels inspiring. But if you do that at your own pace, then it's fine. You can always get something done and think about your plan. So we have the pros and the cons in this. There's always a negative and a positive side of everything. So, there's definitely a power, there's definitely power in the French stats. That is the feeling of January. Sorry about that. It gives us permission to believe we can change and that's a beautiful thing. A collective energy like the whole world setting we feel. There's motivation in that, there's hope. And honestly, sometimes that's what gets us moving in the first place. And there is a flip side. The new year, new me mindset can also backfire. Firstly, it sets unrealistic expectations. Sometimes that same energy turns into pressure. We start missing a solution like there are ultimatums. For example, oh, I want to lose weight before the end of the year. Oh, I want to lose weight at a certain time. In one month I want to lose 20kg. It's always nice to have a positive dream. But unrealistic dreams is what stresses us out more. You want to be more productive in what way? Have you set yourself, have you had any plan? Have you made any plan towards setting yourself to be more productive this coming year? Then stop procrastinating. If you have to do something, you do it. I'm the kind of person that procrastinates a lot. I used to procrastinate a lot. I used to be like, oh, I'll do this thing. I'll do this thing tomorrow. I'll do this thing tomorrow and tomorrow never comes. So, I would say I found myself in that area. I used to do that. And suddenly new year becomes good for everything about me needing fixing. But what if all this doesn't work? What if we don't need to become a new person? We just need to meet ourselves where we are presently. And be honest and kind with ourselves. Maybe it's not new year new me. Maybe it's new year true me. Or better understanding of me. Because the truth is most of the time the person we want to become is already inside us. We have just been too busy, too tired and too distracted to notice. We go from December holiday chaos straight into I'm going to meditate daily. Work out five times a week. Meal prep. You prep your meal. Start a business or read 50 books in one month. It's no wonder we burn out by February. Because trust me, all those are just not attainable. If you are not focused. Then secondly, great pressure. Honestly, it's great pressure because suddenly everyone posting their resolution, their reset routine, their 5am workouts and you start to wonder if you are already behind before you've ever even begun. And third, it can sometimes lead to self-rejection. We start to believe the current version of ourselves isn't good enough. Honestly, that's true. Because we need to become someone completely different to deserve a good life. But we don't need to erase ourselves to improve ourselves. We don't have to do that. When I think about this year, I think about the lesson that didn't come easy. The time I was disappointed. The project that failed. The relationship that changed. But I also think about the quieter victories. The moments that showed up when I didn't feel like. The nights I went to bed a little more peaceful than the one before. The moments I laughed when I thought I'd forgotten how. All these most times don't make it to the highlights bill. Honestly, we don't celebrate our honest happiness. We only celebrate what we want people to see. Which is not a good thing. But that's the real growth. So if you're watching this and thinking your year wasn't successful enough, I want to remind you, success doesn't always look like fireworks. It doesn't. Sometimes it looks like endurance. Sometimes it's just saying, oh. And that counts too. The little efforts we put into things count. If we learn to appreciate the little efforts we put into things, then we'll learn to appreciate ourselves more. Here is an idea. What if we stop calling them resolutions altogether? It's just my idea. It's just something I think about. What if we stop calling this resolution a resolution? What if we just stop calling it a resolution altogether? And what if instead we set intentions? Because a resolution says I will go for a gym for five days a week. But an intention says I want to take better care of myself, my body, my mind this year. See the difference? One is rigid and the other is flexible. The one that is rigid is always about performance, goals, what you've achieved and things like that. It is measurable and action-oriented. But the flexible part of intention is more purpose, more personal, focuses on how we want to live and feel, our aim and mindset without pressure. Intentions give us directional rules. They give us room to go without guilt. But honestly, self-growth shouldn't feel like punishment. It should feel more like alignment, like you're returning to yourself, not running away from who you are. So let's go back to reflection for a moment. Before you make any plans for the new year, let's try a little exercise. I call it the four questions. What am I proud of? Number one is what am I proud of this year? Number two is what did I learn, even from the hard stuff? Number three, what do I want to carry forward? And number four, what am I ready to let go of before stepping into the new year? You can write them down or just think about them as you listen. You might be surprised what comes up when you slow down long enough to actually reflect because sometimes the best resolution you can make is simple. It's simply to pause, to breathe, to thank yourself for getting through a year that maybe wasn't easy but you made it anyway. If I could write a letter to this year coming to an end, I would say thank you for the lesson I didn't have for, for the people who came and went, for the reminders that I'm still learning how to be kind to myself. And if I could write one for the next year, I would say just, please just be gentle. I don't want perfection, I want peace. A moment that feels like me. So, if you're thinking about your own new year, new me moment, maybe ask yourself these questions. Thank you.