INFLUENCED: FAITH

This is a podcast episode featuring Victoria, a resident in the US, interviewing Faith, a junior doctor based in England. Faith discusses her journey into medicine, including her non-traditional path. She talks about her experience with a bridging course and a degree in anatomy and human biology before finally getting into medical school. Faith explains that her decision to pursue medicine was influenced by her interest in the sciences and her desire for a fulfilling career. She also reflects on the challenges and limitations of the medical field, expressing the need for balance and fulfillment outside of medicine. Faith mentions that her experiences with non-medical friends and family have helped her see a different perspective on life. Welcome to Night Shift Delirium, a podcast about junior doctors in the world that surrounds them. I'm Victoria, a resident based in the States. It's been a while y'all, I know, I'm sorry. But today we are speaking with one of my fave micro-med influencers who I happen to work with, Faith. I have a feeling you're going to really enjoy this episode and we'll forget about the fact that it's been several months since I've put an episode out. Welcome to our shift y'all. Today on the podcast, we have a junior doctor based in England, her name is Faith, and we're going to talk a little bit about her journey in medicine and the internet and life in general. So welcome to the podcast, Faith. Thank you, good to be here. So you and I used to work together in the same hospital in this little town in England, and our paths have diverged since then. Tell me a little bit about your journey into medicine. I know it's also a non-traditional path. Yeah. Well, first of all, I came into the UK when I was 16, turning 17. So I did a first, well, not a first degree, a foundation degree in, well, just a science foundation degree really, more of a bridging course to get into university because I came from the Nigerian education system, so I just finished secondary school in Nigeria. And back home in Nigeria, we go from secondary school to university, whereas here it's not the case. So I did that bridging course for a year and then applied for medicine, but I didn't get in. So I did the next best thing, I guess. So I applied for a degree in anatomy and human biology, and this was in the University of Liverpool. I did that for three years, and yeah, so after that, I applied again, but I didn't get in. So I was like, oh, maybe it's time to go back to Nigeria. But my dad was like, no, let's try again. And I had one year to sort of figure it out. But for some reason, there were some new medical schools springing up as well at that point in time. So I said, oh, let me apply again, just in case. And then I got into one of them. Well, my entry was, I finished my first degree in 2014, but my entry for medical would be for 2015. So I had the summer between July 2014 and September 2015 to, I guess, do something. And I was going to go home to do what we call the National Youth Service in Nigeria, but that didn't work out. So I ended up applying for a master's in public health to sort of fill the time, the gap. And then, yeah, that was in the University of York, did that, and after that, I went straight to med school. And that's how I got into medicine. I mean, I always wanted to, well, I was there all the time to do medicine, but doing my first degree in anatomy and human biology sort of steered me in that direction a bit more. So, yeah. Interesting. I don't, I don't remember. I mean, it's so funny. Like, I leave England for a few months, I'm like, what's this, bridging course? I don't know. Because in America, you do, you just go from high school to college. Is it like a one year? It's a two year thing? Like, what, how does it work exactly? So they call it a foundation program in the UK because some of the schools, I guess, in Nigeria may not reach the curriculum they expect you to have to be able to get into university. And I think, have in mind here in the UK, after you finish secondary school, you do A-levels before you go into university, whereas we sort of keep that A-levels there and go into university. So, universities do recognize that the last year of secondary school is sort of equivalent to one year of A-levels anyway, so they don't mind you going into university, but most universities will prefer you doing a foundation course to sort of get the grades that would match the A-level grades to put you into university. Gosh, I forgot about the convoluted system of... Yeah. Golly. Anyway, God bless. So, like, at what point did you think, I know you did like science and things, but what made you say, like, you know what, I think, like, I want to be a doctor. Did you know doctors? Did you, did your family say, oh, you're definitely going into medicine? Like, what made you think medicine versus, I don't know, lab science or something like that? Oh, I didn't have a doctor in the family, actually, I think I was the first in my immediate family. But studying, I, well, I came to the UK with a mindset of wanting to do medicine, but I didn't know why. I think I sort of had that mindset because from Nigeria, then it's either like medicine lawyer or engineer. So, so for some reason, in secondary school, I gravitated towards the sciences and I loved, like, biology, chemistry, all that lot. So I knew I didn't want to be a chemist, I knew I didn't want to be like a scientist in that sense. So, and the next thing is probably medicine. So it was a bit of a fickle decision then, but when I did my first degree in anatomy and human biology, we did like, I like to describe it as medicine of the dead, because we did dissection of dead bodies, we did pharmacology, physiology, we did all the basic sciences as well, but just on a more limited level. And doing that, it just, it sort of made me think, okay, I want more of this, I just don't want to stop it here in that sense. And I was thinking, I really enjoyed this course, anatomy and human biology, which is the science bit of it. And I was thinking, okay, how can I progress this further? Should I just pursue it or should I might as well just go into medicine and get it full fledged out? And yeah, that's how I went into it. To be fair, after that point, I didn't see myself doing anything else, because I really sat down and thought to myself, okay, what else am I interested in at that point in time? And I could not, for the life of me, think of anything else, so I just said, okay, let's focus on it. Because after I got rejected the second time from my applications, I was just thinking, okay, so what's the next option? And that's when I really sat down with myself and thought, okay, it's medicine or nothing. So I did a whole round of application again, that's when I got interviewed. And yeah, and I got a place. But that's it really, it's nothing deep per se. I mean, I think there's steps in like focus, right? You did what you wanted to do. Like the fact that you even were in a position where you're like, there's not anything else is remarkable, I think. A lot of people land in medicine, they stumble there, they don't, you know, they go hit one rejection or fail one test, and they're like, okay, cool. We're good on that. You know, which is fine, like whatever people say, okay. So at that time, you were like, there's medicine or nothing else. Yeah. How? Oh, my goodness. Now there's a whole, I think it's 180, not 360, right? 180. Whereas, I guess then, the one thing I'd say that wasn't very good with the Nigerian education system is they didn't broaden our horizons to the possibilities that were out there. I mean, we knew a handful of careers, but we didn't know that much. Like there was not a lot of emphasis on, say, the creative art or things like architecture. Like if you go into those niche sort of, I guess, career paths, it's because maybe you've been exposed to it directly from your family, or it's just something that happened to be in your vicinity. It's not something that they would usually throw at you, which it's a bit, yeah, it's not the best, but I guess it is what it is. I think now it's much better, though, because they're getting more aware and the Internet is way easily accessible now. But in doing medicine, I don't know if I'd done medicine in a different country if I would have a different perspective. But doing medicine in the UK, I realised that it's very fulfilling, but at the same time, it's very constrictive, in my opinion. It's very like you have to walk a certain path that is set for you. You can't really go outside that path. And in doing it, I also realised that there's more to life than just being confined in the four walls of medicine. So if I were to go back and say, okay, make that decision again, will I do medicine? Yes, but I would also have in mind that also plan for something else as well, not just being one sort of box carrier path in that sense. And it is fulfilling, but it's very like, it's very grueling. Is that the way to pronounce it? I don't know how to pronounce it, but it's very challenging. And it is, personally, it's like, it takes away from your life and adds, in my opinion, it doesn't add as much to my life for some reason. But you know what? I want to do something else. I feel like more fulfilled, not like I'm like doing a tick box exercise. Okay, I've done this. That's fine. Keep it moving. So yeah, medicine is good. But right now it's like, it's not the be all and end all for me. It's not the centre of my life, one way to put it. Yeah. And you, I think like, especially in the UK, I believe that like the full NHS is in a chronic state of burnout. Yeah. I think a lot of, I completely understand and relate to a lot of your sentences. And I think that's true across the board, no matter where you are in, you know, if you're in medicine, if you're practising in Lebanon, or if you're practising in Canada, you know. But I think the NHS is particularly like the whole system is burnt out. I know when I started having my symptoms of burnout while I was working there. When did you start, and I'm not saying you're having burnout, but when did you start realising that, you know what, there is more to life than this? I think one thing that I've always said was, a lot of my friends outside of work were not medics, or are not medics. Three of my best friends are nowhere near medicine. So a lot of the time, hanging out with each, my husband is, oh I'm married as well, my husband is not a medic, and immediate family members are not medics. So I think hanging out with them, they let me see a different aspect of life that is not as, I guess, constricted and it's not like they have easy life, don't get me wrong. But it's like, there's so much more to life out there. And I find people who surround themselves with medics, they don't really see as much per se. So I think it started from there, for me. And I think at some point as well, it just felt like I was giving and giving and giving, but I was not getting much out of it as well. And I didn't feel like, it doesn't feel like a career path that's worth the amount of work I put in as a person. It's like, I feel like we don't get a lot of appreciation as much as we could get. I mean, don't get me wrong, the patients are very appreciative, they're very vocal about it. But the way the system is run, it's like, okay, yeah, I'm happy with you once things are going well, but the minute things go left, you feel like you don't have the support you need. And I just feel like, okay, if you're working so hard, at least you should get some sort of compensation, not just monetarily, just in terms of the workload, the rotor pattern. And just, I guess, the facilities available really doesn't really help. Yeah, I literally love coming back home and not being able to talk about work, because Deji doesn't understand a thing of what I am talking about. He can understand the basic gist of it, but it's just like, yeah, we'll talk about something. I love it. So I can't imagine coming back home and then I'm still talking about medicine, it would have just been like, oh. And that's really helpful to realize that, you know what, outside of work, just drop the scrubs at the door, and then just keep it moving. Yeah. That's so interesting. I mean, I, again, like, hear so many, like, some of my issues that I really struggled with working there. And not to say that I don't feel any of those here, but I think certain things make a little bit of a difference, like having electronic medical records at work, not having to do certain tasks here, like in the US, we don't, like, we're not drawing labs ourselves, we're not doing the blood. And so, like, we do some other things. So for me, that helps with a lot of my fulfillment. But I will say I am definitely someone who, like, 90% of my friends are medics and love talking about medicine. I always say my toxic trait is that I love everything about it. Like, it's not, but I also did a lot of other things before. So I explored a lot of different interests and then landed, well, I didn't land here, but I ended where I wanted. And so I think for me, it's more like, I've seen it, the rest. Yeah, fair enough. Yeah. Okay. So, well, let's talk about your med influencer life. For the people listening, I should say, when I met Faith, did I meet you before I followed you? I think so. Yeah, I think so. So we worked together, like, as clinical teaching fellows. I start following her, and I'm like, oh, this girl is like a whole influencer. Like, not a, like, oh, I want to be an influencer, hashtag, send me a message, or, like, let's talk about this to, like, five people. No, no, no, no. You're, like, a real deal influencer. And I feel you share so much of your life online. What led you down the path of influencing? I know you're going to say you're a micro-influencer, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. She's an influencer, y'all. What made you decide you wanted to share so much of your life online? I've always been one to always take off the camera and just record and post for whoever would listen. But I think with time, I realized, I said posting for the fun of it. I absolutely love posting stuff. But over time, I find a lot of people who were reaching out to me saying, oh, I learned this, or asking me questions about certain things. And it felt like, oh, I actually have an audience that's listening to me. And then I continued thinking, we'll see. But then I had a few of my videos do really well, and I had, like, more people coming to my page. And I think there's something to say about social media. It's either they just follow you for the sake of following, they like you, or they trust you. And if they trust you, you get lots of messages, lots of DMs of people sharing, like, personal messages. So I guess when people started messaging me more and being more, like, intuitive, where people, like, would notice if I'm not there, I was like, oh, okay. Then I started taking it seriously. I'm like, okay, these people are taking me seriously. Then I started taking myself seriously as well. And I started doing more, I was doing more fun stuff. But I realized the minute I do this bit of education, I get a bit more response. I'm like, okay, let's keep on doing that as well. And yeah, I think it was just something I loved doing, but I gained an audience over time. And I was like, okay, there's a reason to do it now. I might as well just go ahead and do it. Yeah. Do you, are there any, do you have boundaries, like, a hard stop, this is not going to go on the internet? Yeah. Or is it like, you know what, like, we'll just see what the vibe is today? Oh, no, you would never know my real business online if you didn't give up on me. So what I have mastered, I have shared a lot where you think you know a lot, but it's so little. And that's the thing about social media. That's why I tell people, like, don't take everything you see at face value, because it's highly edited, highly sort of organized for you to see what they want you to see. So I wouldn't come and talk about, like, maybe drama that's happening at home or someone else's drama in that sense. But I would, I think my aim for social media is more to educate and just have fun. So if it's going out of that box, then I find that I don't really, I'm not doing it for, how do I put it, I'm not doing it for some sort of clout, if that makes sense. Because it's like, okay, if you get clout the wrong way, how are you going to maintain it? So my hard no's, you would not really know. Like, you've never, not a lot of people like my extended family in terms of my in-laws, but they don't like being on camera, but you would never really see them because they don't like you. But at the same time, you will not hear much about them. You see my family, immediate family, but you wouldn't, like, if I didn't tell you Aria was on wall, you wouldn't have known she was on wall. I mean, by the same time though, as I've continued to post, there's also like, I find people also like to see some certain level of vulnerability to not see that, okay, everything is a highlight, you know, there's also like highs and lows. But even in sharing lows, not for the sake of just sharing, there's something I'm teaching you about or talking about that you can learn from. And if I'm sharing it, it's because I'm like, okay, I want someone to learn from me, so I don't want this to happen again to someone else. So in doing that as well, you could like to say everything on the internet stays forever. So you want to be able to look back and think, okay, why did I say that? Or you don't want to question why you said that information, especially when it doesn't involve just you now. What else? What are my boundaries again? For my child, you just see what I want you to see. You see her pretty face and pretty record, nothing else. There's no, yeah, there's not much with that. Whereas I want it to be that when she looks back, it's like, oh, it's a little sort of diary for her more than all my businesses out there, if that makes any sense. But you have to find a fine balance because I find controversy sells. So if you're not careful, you could fall into that trap where you're getting the sort of feedback and you're thinking, oh, people like this, let me share more. But that's a trap because the minute you get into that hole, you find like the rabbit hole and then you're sharing more and more that you wouldn't intend to share. But because people are asking for it, then what it is. But it's finding that fine balance really. Yeah. I was going to say, because I mean, now like we're seeing now the like OG mom bloggers are, their children are like coming out with all these, this was bad. And like, allegedly there's lots of very creepy and scary people out there who have bad intentions with children. Like, you know, so I think the world is just learning because we didn't have this before. You know, we didn't have the internet and all of that. So it's always interesting to know where people's boundaries are. And you do like medical things, but you also do like you do DIY. Like your house looks amazing. It's really like a full 360. I think, I mean, obviously within your boundaries, but I like that it has so much dimension, I guess. And do you think that you'll continue sharing the 360 things or do you think you'll just focus on like one aspect of your life? So for now, I'm actually just experimenting with different bits to see how people respond to it. And I think personally the medicine one is something I want to focus on, but I've just not found the right, I guess, bit where a lot of people, because I find there's certain topics that are too niche and people don't relate as much. And there's certain topics that are like broad enough that people are like, oh, I want to hear this. So I think I'm in that fine balance because I'm working with three themes, like marriage, medicine, and motherhood. The marriage one I don't really talk about. I just see my husband and I don't really know what's going on. I love how even in this, you were like, oh yeah, by the way, I'm married. Like then he's just in the corner, you know, it's like he's literally there. And then he'll like randomly even show up at like your videos and stuff. I'm like, it's so funny. I love that. Because I feel like it's awesome, you know, it's not like people who are forcing. No, and he's not really one for the camera. So he's dead. Like I begged him for a bit. Yeah, I love that. I feel like that's real. Like, you know, it's not, you're not trying to be some weird smart couple. Like you're normal. You're cool. You're chill. And he's like, okay, fine. Like he obliged. Yeah, you can't even start the video without him. Yeah. So I think personally, I'm also trying the interior decor bit with the house and whatnot. So I personally wanted to be more over time, more sort of centered on me and what I'm doing with my life as a doctor and a mom, but not necessarily like, how do I put it? I want to show my life, but if you see my child or my husband or my house is like half of it, not necessarily full front and center. So I really want to push the medical bit for a while just to see how that goes as well. Because I had a break from it for a while just to see the lifestyle content of it and see what people gravitated towards. Well, the Olympics are over and we're all in withdrawal. So here are my gold medals. If being an intern was an Olympic sport in no particular order, deep diving into someone's chart for a detail that may or may not be necessary, but will certainly take an extra hour of my time as I craft what I believe at 3 a.m. to be the perfect H&P and then wonder why I'm staying late at the end of my shift. Scheduling my sips of tea throughout the day for the perfect energy to crash ratio. Reminding myself that behind every snarky response that you receive from a senior or an attending or fellow or sometimes co-intern is someone who at some point in their training received probably way worse and felt very small. And instead of learning how to turn all of this into a positive constructive experience, they decided to extend their misery. And frankly, you can't really help people that miserable. Luckily, it didn't happen very often. But boy, when it did, it was truly an Olympic medal worthy exercise in patience, compassion and empathy. And then lastly, my alarm schedule regimen. I'm sorry if you aren't anxious and aren't nervous and aren't tired or exhausted. But if you don't have at least 15 alarms just to make sure that you don't sleep through, even though you probably only need one or two, are you really doing intern year right? So now I'm focusing on more medical education because I find instead of just sharing generic things, I think look for groups of people because I look at my analytics and I find a lot of people that listen to me are 75% women and the age range is between 18 to 35. So I am now looking at topics where those people tend to relate more. But at the same time, it's something they can show maybe their spouse or their friends or their boyfriends and be like, oh, yeah, this is interesting, by the way, you should learn this. And so just finding that balance per se, because there are lots of medical education influences out there, but I'm trying to see how I can make it more relatable. So before it was very like a lot of jargon oriented and I feel like, okay, a lot of people are not understanding. So I'm trying to get to that point where it's just more relatable still. I'm still finding my balance with them. But I still love putting lifestyle stuff as well. So it's just going to be, how do I put it, an icing on the cake as part of it. So it's like more medicine and they've seen my life as well outside of medicine and see how they kind of blend and mesh together in that sense. So we'll see. Nice, nice, nice. Like I said, like these seven micro-influences, I'm just starting. Okay. What she's saying for the people who didn't hear her is she's just getting started. So don't get left behind. I like that. Okay. So I know like in terms of the medicine, just because I know you and like your life, you're transitioning from more like locum into the next step. So are you going to go back into training and has that changed throughout your life journey and what you wanted to do and be? Yeah. So I want to go back into training because fortunately or unfortunately, the way the NHS system works is you have to go through a training to get to the end of the, to get to the top of your career basically as a specialist in whatever field you choose to. So I personally, I've always loved any accident and emergency. But realistically, it's not doable for the sort of lifestyle I want. So the hope and aim is to still be a doctor, but to be able to like do other sort of things on the side. Who knows where the influences would take me to in that sense. So I want to be able to have great space for that aspect of my life to flourish as well. And being in the NHS, it's something I love, but it's not, I don't think I love it enough to encompass the rest of my life and put every other thing on hold. So if they shorten the training time on the road to schedule, maybe I'll consider it. But because I've had time to be at home, I'm a new mum. My baby's 15 months, by the way. And I guess having time at home and then just recently going back to work, it just made me realise that what I thought before about there's more to life than medicine is even more now. It's like it's way more. And I don't think I want to be that person that is taken away entirely because of her career. I want to be present. I don't mind. I don't know. I don't want to be defined as a career woman in that sense. I want to be an all-rounder. I want to do medicine. I want to have it all. I want to do medicine. I want to be a good mum. I want to be a present mum. I also want to do something that can make me good money outside of medicine and maybe do a business. So there's something that allows my creative juices to flow. So all that being said, I've recently decided, and anyone that hears this will be like, anyone that knows me will be like, what? I've decided to go the GP route. And this is not necessarily because I love it. It's because it's a short training time. And after that, I feel like I have way more flexibility in terms of my life and lifestyle. I don't know. I always keep saying I have this feeling that my life is going in a trajectory where I don't think I can focus myself in a career path that's not going to allow me to flourish enough. So I don't know where exactly that path is, but I know there's so much more to my life than just medicine. So I've realized that medicine is not my, quote, purpose in life. It's a career I've chosen. It's part of my life, but it's not the center of my life. So because I've gotten to that mentality, it doesn't matter how long, well, how I get to the end point of specialty training, it's just I get to that end so that I don't have anything sort of holding me back. So I decided, you know what, I might as well just go for the GP route, get a CCT. For those that don't know, a CCT is the certificate to show that you've completed a training specialty and you're at the top of your field there. So right now, I think I'm veering off from the accident and emergency route to A&E. Now, who knows, if things change in the NHS and more flexibility and more, I guess, financial compensation and just things that work well with your schedule, then yeah, maybe I'll consider it. But for now, it's like, yeah, I'm not going to slave away just to be a doctor. I think I just will explain for the people who aren't based in England to really understand the time because we've kind of spoken about it in different ways, like being boxed into something, like the journey that it goes. The traditional method of becoming a doctor in England is to go to high school, do the A-levels or whatever. And that is like kind of almost, for Americans, we might look at it as like a minor in something. So like one to two years, take all the tests that will get you into medical school. So you just kind of only focus on like science or whatever. You then show that you can perform well in science, go to medical school, and then there's no like post-grad anything. And most people will then start being a junior doctor, which means foundation training for six years, then some sort of core training, and then registrar training. Core training is like two to three years, and then registrar training is like an additional five or whatever. So in total, if foundation is two years, core training, let's say, is two to three, that's four to five, plus another like five years. The time is like astronomical because I will say England, even though no one in England would agree, you don't work as much as you do in other countries. But the price you pay for that is extending the training period for like a decade of your life. And even though the hours are like overall better, you are still saying for 10 years you are a junior, which means you have to answer to someone else. You have to be critiqued by someone else. Other people have to approve what you say and do. You miss out on holidays. You miss out on weekends. You miss out on... And as you've mentioned, like you're a young mother. Like this is such a crucial time in your child's life. So it's a big sacrifice. And no one can tell me that women don't sacrifice more going into that. And that's true everywhere. Like in America, it's true in a different way because here you only get six weeks off. And that's not guaranteed pay. So that's quite different than like the UK where I think it's like six months or something. I don't know. Well, six months total paid and the government gives you some sort of stipend until nine months. Yeah. So that's like amazing. I mean, relative to a lot of the world, that's amazing. And obviously health care and stuff is like covered through that time. I have co-residents who have young babies, you know, like in their first year of life or so. And it's very hard because we're on call all the time. We're working 13-hour days, get four days off a month. And it's really you can see the text of like being a mother, you know. So when I just want to add the context when people hear that, you know, you say you've gone from A&E, which is emergency medicine, to GP, that last five years of the training more or less is taken off and you go into GP. In America, like A&E is also three years. It can also be four years depending on who you are. And there's no foundation and all this stuff. You just go straight. Right. So that's why it's like three years of intense work or four years of intense work, five for like surgery, seven for like plastic surgery, for example. But generally speaking, the time is so much more truncated. In some ways, people don't have to make the same sort of like sacrifices that you would in England. But still, like three years is not, you know, it's not small chops, you know. It's still a long time and you're not able to be there during like reproductive years, quite frankly, for women. Yeah. I think I just wanted to add that context for people because I don't know that everyone really understands when we're talking about the sacrifice. And like importantly, England, there's a 100K cap on your sacrifice for a year. You can make money as a locum, but like the idea is that you're supposed to supplement your income after sacrificing, at least after leaving your parents home 15 years of your life, you're now going to sacrifice and do like extra locums on weekends. Like that's a little bit crazy, you know. Yeah. So I just think it's important for people to have that context. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Well said, actually. Well, I didn't know that I've seen emergencies about three to four years. If that was the case, I would just close my eyes and get it over and done with. Yeah. Well, I think that's great. I think it's so important to recognize that like your job is not who you are, you know. And I will say like for me with England, I learned you don't have to be just your job, which it was nice for me to see because for us, it's like you just do what you have to do until you finish and then you can do everything else. But in England, I really learned, no, you can actually be a full person, even though it doesn't feel like it relative to the overall culture of England, like it doesn't really matter in the end. Like work, no matter what it is that you're doing, it's not going to be the hardest thing because it's work. So what's the rush? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, that's true, actually. I didn't think of it. I didn't know like it was a different sort of, I guess, work mentality or ethic in that sense, where it's like in America, you just put your head down to it and then get out of it. And then again, there's something to be said about putting your life on hold because who's to say that you're going to be there at the end of the training, you know? That part. Yeah. So it's just something that you have to consider that. I mean, I'm not too much of the YOLO culture, but it's also important to be very present in your day to day life. You don't want to look back and think because who knows, those days could be your healthiest of years, you know, something else could happen and you don't want to look back and think all I gave my life to was work. And I used to find it cliche when people were like, oh, I had a child and my life changed a little. God, you guys. But there is something to be said because life takes on a whole different meaning and you realize to yourself, you know what? It's like nothing, first of all, the miracle of having a child in itself is like, oh, wow, okay, a whole human being that you've been blessed to have. And then you see them growing up and you realize that when you say things on different levels, you realize that sometimes work is not really up there. And that's not because you're not a hard worker. That's not because you're not goal oriented or anything like that. It's just you've decided, you know, there's certain things that are more important in life and you have to be okay with that. I mean, there are some people who, I don't know if it's fortunately or unfortunately, they find their identity in their work. And once they don't have that, they start questioning who they are. And also there's some people that then make their whole personality and identity, maybe their family or motherhood or whatever. And then when that child grows, they're also like, okay, what am I doing? So it's the balancing act the whole way. It's also finding what works for you at the same time, knowing like what matters and what really doesn't. I think today at work, one of my friends was like, oh, the way you, there was a lady that was being on the third day, but I think she was being miserable the whole day. And I just smiled and just signed the form that she needed to sign and left. And she was like, the you I used to know would snap at her and just be like, who do you think you're talking to? And all you could say was like, oh, she's miserable. It's not my problem right now. And I realized like, you know what? Like there are bigger things to worry about. Now, I don't know if it's the element of being a mother or just having something else that my attention is on. Because I find when my life was really centered on medicine, things would get to me more, things would be more like, but this is the way I spend my life. And it makes you realize why certain specialties are a bit more toxic in that sense, because they don't really have much of a life outside of work. So everything that's going on with them is work. So if they're upset, they're bringing it to work. If they're not happy with their life, they're bringing it to work and they're putting it on people. And these people are just innocent bystanders and receiving stray bullets here and there not knowing what's going on. But by the time you realize that, you know what? This is not, this is just a place of work. It's not where I need to come and really be me entirely. The entirety of who I am is based on this. Then certain things just go over your head. Not necessarily because you don't see things happening, but just because it's like, it's not worth it. After this 5 p.m., I'm going to my house where I'm going to eat good food and enjoy my family. So I'm not going to, I can be sucked into your miserability and be annoyed and go back and forth with you and then I'm annoyed throughout the day. But I can let you do your thing and then I do my thing and we're good. Like, I used to think like the frustration where it was not like, I'm not giving it back to them. It's like, okay, this is the form. Here you go. It's like, well, it's your name on the form. It's like, whatever. It's fine. It's just like, he's going to go home today. I'm like, I've had a miserable day. But me, I'm not coming home thinking I've had a miserable day, you know? So I think all that day, it's a balancing act, finding what's important to you and owning it. But I just enjoy it while I can at work and at home. I enjoy it even more. So yeah, it's in the GP aspect of it. It's a bit of a tough one because I know I don't like GP. But at the same time, I know I'm prioritizing things that matter to me, which is my time, spending time with them, giving myself space to flourish in other aspects of my life. That makes sense. Yeah. Of course it does. Of course it does. I will say, like, there are people, I think like the change that you see in yourself is in part your family and spending time away, but also just maturing and realizing, you know, when you first in medicine, there are very few jobs that people do such important work and high risk work without ever having worked before. You know what I mean? Like in medicine, you're a perpetual student. And then all of a sudden you're deciding if someone is going to live or not. And it comes with a very, very big learning curve, not just in learning how to treat, but like human interaction and behavior and learning, like people are frustrated and developing empathy. Like you have probably mentioned that, like, they're probably really miserable. They're really scared. They're vulnerable. So they're taking it out on me and I'm not going to absorb it, but I'm not going to also be a mirror and send it back to them because like you said, they're miserable. And I think, you know, and even in like your colleagues that, you know, that we all come across, there are people who have families, there are people who have children and are so miserable, but they're miserable. You know, like that is a them issue. That's not a anything else issue. And no matter how the situation looks, like when you, what I know, and I may or may not have had some experiences this week, and I'm not calling out any names or anything, where I'm like, oh, you like hate your life, dude. Like you are so unhappy and that sucks for you. Unfortunately, I can't do anything about that. So I'm going to do the task here and I'm going to be good when I go home and in like 10 minutes when this rage passes by because I'm not a baseline miserable person, but you are. You have to live with that for the rest of your life. Like that's terrible. Anyway, okay. So we're approaching the end. We're running out of time a little bit, but tell me what you want Araya to think about when she's like your age now and has like whatever they have for streaming services and pulls up this episode. What is the message that you want her to know about her mom and her life as an influencer doctor? Oh my goodness. That is such a good question. I just made me emotional thinking about it. Imagine at this age. Let me think. I would hope that from this, she would see that there's more to life than just putting yourself in a box. I would hope that she knows that she can always choose herself regardless of how we may look outside, how we may be perceived in society and not in a selfish way where it's like, oh, just want to do whatever makes me happy. Knowing what would fulfill her, knowing that what she feels more accomplished in and knowing how in living her life, it's not just for the sake of a career path or for the sake of some sort of meeting up the societal standards, but it's more like, okay, she's not just been a blessing to herself, but she's been a blessing to people around her as well. And I hope she has the freedom to decide and choose if she wants, like, have the freedom to change her mind, basically. She doesn't have to feel like I need to go on one path and just do whatever I need to do because this is what I've set my mind to do. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to turn your direction somewhere else, turn towards a different direction. I also want her to hopefully have faith in God and just always trust that nothing is too big for him. Like, he can do any and everything to help her accomplish the purpose for which he has made her. And she should never think that it's too late for her in life. Like, she can always live and flourish as long as she's got God and she has faith that, you know what, I've got a God looking out for me. If she makes mistakes, she'll come out of it and she's going to be just fine. She's going to be just fine. And making big life decisions can be scary, but it's okay. Make the decision anyway. It is what it is. If it's a mistake, it's a mistake. But it's not the end of the world. As long as you still have breath, there's hope. There'll always be hope. I absolutely love that, Dr. Faith. That's a beautiful word. That's a testimony for yourself. And I think that's a great place to end the episode. So we will end it with, you know, wishes for both you and Ariah's limitless opportunities and God's limitless blessings. Yeah. Thank you so much. I wasn't sure how this was going to go, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. This is my first podcast. And guys, when I make it big, I'm going to point to this podcast. I was like, she's the first person that gave me a platform to talk on a podcast, guys. Now go listen to the podcast. Thank you so much. I love this. Aww. Thank you. Thank you all for listening to the latest episode of Delirium with Faith. I learned so much from Faith, and really throughout the whole episode, but definitely in that wish that she has for her daughter, Ariah. I think we can all learn a lot about not being encumbered by previous versions of ourselves, different goals that we've had, or maybe even choices that we've made. There's so much beauty in the flexibility of life. And I hope that you got that from this, but also the many other stories that I've highlighted on Delirium throughout the last few years. Thank you again for your patience. I know I keep promising that I'm going to make episodes sooner, but it's a team of one, and I am a resident, and I know that y'all know what that means. Four years later, we're still going with this podcast, and I'm very grateful to all of you for listening. We have a few more episodes to close out the season before we take our next break. I hope in the meantime, you all are well and take care of yourselves, and we will see you on our next shift. How is it being back there? I'm seeing your face like you're enjoying America more than you are. I'm so happy, honestly. That's nice. Are you going into training next year? Okay, we'll talk about that in the episode, so I don't want to dwell on it.