session 7 - success

The speaker reflects on the concept of success, emphasizing the importance of aligning choices with personal higher purpose and dharma. They acknowledge the challenges of not comparing oneself to others and highlight the significance of inner peace and spiritual growth. Success is defined as following one's own path, making courageous choices, and focusing on self-improvement rather than external achievements. They stress the idea of selfless action, finding stillness, and trusting in the process without being attached to outcomes. The speaker shares personal experiences and insights on navigating life's ups and downs while staying true to one's inner calling. Success, another fairly loaded word. The fact is we live in a relational world, and so it's very difficult not to compare yourself with others, and you know, you see it, you hear it all the time, don't compare yourself to others, comparison is the thief of joy, all these things are true, and yet it's very challenging to not compare yourself to others. In my experience, it is. Of course, as time goes on, as you gain more footing in your own self, you derive more joy from your own being than you do from anything else. My definition of success, well, as I look back on life, it seems to me that success for me has been the ability to make choices that feel dharmic and aligned with my own higher purpose, making choices that feel good, making choices that in the moment might have been difficult, again, like leaving a relationship, or like leaving a job, or like telling somebody what they need to hear, or like standing up for yourself, or anything that feels like it's difficult to do, but you muster the courage to do it. I'm still dealing with this idea of success, of course. What I've come to understand is that you don't get over things, you just learn how to deal with them, maybe some things you do get over. Mostly in my experience, I've just been able to put a little bit of distance between my emotional reaction to things and my own sense of well-being. I really, again, think this goes back to stillness, finding a practice, finding some mode of understanding and visualizing and embodying the fact that there is a difference between your inner world and the outer world, between your life, as Eckhart Tolle might say, and your life situation. When you close your eyes and you take a breath, that's you, with yourself, that's your life. When you open your eyes and you have the world of maya, the world of objects and relationships, always changing, always in flux, some days are good, some days are bad, sometimes things are great, et cetera, et cetera. We all know the game of life, how challenging it can be, how tricky life can be. What does it mean to succeed? Who cares? Are you finding stillness? Are you finding the voice of truth in your own being that's guiding you? Your life, my life, everybody's life is going to look different. I heard somewhere, or I read somewhere once, to follow somebody else's path, what is that? I can't follow somebody else's dharma, I need to follow my own. Just because somebody else does something doesn't mean it's the right thing for me. This is a really hard one in my life, too, because I see my peers, I see a lot of people have succeeded and they have money and they have status and they have a seat at the table, and sure, I would like those things. I would like those things. I would be inhuman if I didn't, to an extent, because I'm not a fully realized being. I'm still here in the world with things to achieve, things that I know are dharmically aligned for me. I want to put things out into the world. I want to put my film, I want to put a play, I want to share things with the world. Have I had success in the traditional sense? Nope. But that's okay. Krishna tells us in the Gita, no spiritual effort goes in vain when I close my eyes and when I sit with myself. If I can say to myself and feel in my being that I am doing the best that I can do, making the best choices that I can make, living in a way that feels correct and balanced and joyful and recognizing and understanding that in one's life, in the circumstances of life, things will change. There will be good. There will be bad. There will be ups. There will be downs. part of the dance. Success for me is am I in line with my own dharma? Have I looked out into the world or in my own being to find modalities, to find advice, to find teachings, to find a group of people, to find a way to align with my own higher self, my own higher principles? Am I moving in the direction of enlightenment, of God, of nirvana, of wholeness, of being? That's success. In my worldview, I've been here many times and I'll be here many more. Am I walking the path? Am I honest with myself? Am I honest in my relationships? This is the meaning of success for me. Have I achieved something and still felt empty and failed at something and felt full? It's a tricky question. Achieved something and felt empty? I can't think of anything. You hear stories about how people spend their whole lives climbing the corporate ladder and looking to make lots of money or whatever it is that they think or that has been told to them that is success and they achieve it and they're unhappy. This is an old story. I haven't trodden that path much. I've always chosen, I mean, because I didn't have a choice, because my body goes into revolt. I've always followed the path that seems, not always, but eventually I do follow the path that seems dharmic for me and so that's that. Can I feel success and failure? To an extent, yeah. I train jiu-jitsu and I'll be in a role and I'll get beat pretty good and yet I'm in the fight, I'm challenging myself, I'm being courageous, I'm training, I'm exercising, I'm practicing my sport and my art and I still get my ass kicked and that's okay because I'm on the field. So, yeah, I can achieve, I can fail to achieve something and still feel good about myself because I have made the attempt. That's really, to me, that's a really important and profound lesson because, again, no spiritual effort goes in vain and by spiritual, you know, it doesn't mean always the woo-woo stuff. I mean, spiritual effort is just anything where you feel like you should be doing something, you hesitate to do it because it requires X, Y, and Z, courage, tenacity, getting over your laziness, whatever it is, and yet you muster the courage, you find the discipline and you do it. That's a spiritual effort and no spiritual effort goes in vain, even if it looks like it's not achieving what you wanted to achieve. You are watering the seeds of growth and that has to pay off in this life or another. Probably the most profound teaching in the Bhagavad Gita for me is we are entitled to our work but not the fruits of our work. This is Karma Yoga, there's lots of different ways of talking about this and lots of different traditions. I always end up leaning back towards the Eastern because that's what I understand best, that's what appeals to me most. Everybody should find what appeals to them most. The idea there is that I do my part and don't worry about the results and if you can get into that spirit, if you can get into that mindset where your job isn't to achieve anything, your job is to do the work and to make the effort and then let it be what it's going to be and that will fill your karmic bank account. Some things we can't see in life, you have a karmic bank account and every time you do something that's aligned with your Dharma and that requires you to follow your highest calling, despite the outward results, that's powerful and that's beautiful and you are adding to your karmic bank account for this life or another. Yes, we want to achieve enlightenment and success and find God in this lifetime. That's a high goal. Rambam talks about how most people don't want God, they want to want God. So keep it simple. It's what I tell myself. Remember, please, if it ever feels like I'm preaching to you, I'm not. This is just an exercise for me to get my thoughts out. It's helpful for me. And if in my explorations somebody else can hear it and find some strand of truth or nugget of something that can help them or make them feel good or spark a thought, then that's wonderful. Karma Yoga, selfless action. Follow the path of Dharma. Find what your calling is by finding stillness. Find stillness by building up your reservoir of discipline, slowly but surely. Don't always listen to the thoughts in your head. I don't feel like doing like that. I don't want to do this. I'm too tired for that. Fine. Sometimes that's okay. You have to allow yourself to be lazy sometimes. Take one step back from those thoughts, relax, rest, breathe, and listen for the still small voice, as Jesus would say, that's pointing you in the direction of your own Dharma and make an effort. Sometimes an effort is required.