session 5 - doubt

The speaker discusses the role of doubt in creative and spiritual life, highlighting its negative impact as a hindrance that can lead to self-doubt and inaction. They acknowledge doubts about their own value but emphasize the importance of pushing through and not letting doubt halt progress. While doubt can be seen as a challenge, the speaker suggests viewing it as a form of faith and using stillness to discern its validity. Ultimately, they advocate for continuing forward despite doubt, recognizing it as a necessary part of growth and self-discovery. What role does doubt play in my creative life, in my spiritual life? It's a good question. Doubt. Like a lot of things, doubt has a positive edge and a negative edge, I think. Let's talk about the negative first. If we allow, I have done this, and I'm sure many of you listening have done this, doubt can act like a... Doubt can have the effect of making us stop or grow lethargic or go down a rabbit hole that the mind takes you down, which stops you from doing the things that you're trying to do. It makes you enter a spiral of conversation where the voice of the critic speaks so loudly that the excitement is hampered down to a place where you no longer believe that you're capable. It can come in the form of the imposter syndrome. It can come in the form of I have too many other things to do. It has many nefarious faces, doubt. And so it's there. It's a part of life, doubt, for many of us, especially creatives, I think, thoughtful people. Again, subject to the noise of the world. You know, I'm sitting here now sharing my thoughts. I doubt, I have doubt about whether my reflections can be of use to anyone, and yet I'm going to go for it. What are my doubts based on? Ooh, there are so many people out there talking. Am I just adding to the noise of the world? That's a legitimate question that I ask myself. And yet, in my heart, I feel as though my own personal experience and my ability to put things into words and to be vulnerable and to be honest, somebody out there might, in the same way that I've listened to other people and benefited from it, perhaps something that I have to say can ring true to someone else and be useful. And that's reason enough for me to sit here and do this. And it's a good practice. It's a good exercise. Doubt. Can I do it? Am I good enough? Do I have the talent? When it comes to art, when it comes to painting, when it comes to playwriting or filmmaking, all of the things that I'm trying to do, doubt is one of those things that we have to deal with. How? Well, first thing, put a smile on your face. That's what I try to do. And recognize that you're faced with an option, with a choice. Doubt. You can listen to it and stop what you're doing. And that leads you exactly where you know it's going to lead you. Or you can push through. And recognize that not every thought that you have is true. Recognize that there's more happening than meets the eye. So here I am making these series of conversations. Perhaps nobody will listen to them. Perhaps there will be no outward value. Perhaps my doubt is correct. That it will just be more noise. But let's look one layer beyond that. I'm externating. And this might be leading me to a place where I find something of value that I can incorporate into some other part of my life. Excuse me. Or, as Krishna tells us in the Bhagavad Gita, no spiritual effort goes in vain. So perhaps what I'm doing right here is going to have payoff in some other time or some other place or some other incarnation. This life is a series of challenges and lessons. That's the way I look at it. It's a curriculum. And if I follow the path of Dharma and of doing what I feel to be correct in the moment, I can't lose. So let doubt be there. It's okay. Can doubt ever be a form of faith? I think the goal is to remove doubt. When it comes, remove it. It's good to an extent to have doubt in the same way that it's good to have fear. Fear is another thing with two sides. An edge that's positive and an edge that's negative, of course. We all know the example of the tiger that's running after you. Yes, there should be fear so that you are prompted to action. There's a negative side of fear, a negative side of doubt. They can stop you in your tracks. Can doubt serve? Can doubt be a form of faith? I'm not ready to go so far as to say doubt is a form of faith. But if we're doubting and we recognize that we're doubting and we don't take it as fact, we don't take the doubt, the thought of doubt or the feeling of doubt to be a fact and to be true. We recognize it as the shadow side coming out and playing its purpose, having its purpose. Every good story needs an antagonist, needs a villain. Every good, you know, et cetera. We understand that reference. So let doubt be a shadow side that allows you to look at it and incorporate the practice of continuing despite the doubt. Smile at the doubt. Recognize that it's just a thought. Of course, we can do critical thinking. Doubt can be an impetus to critical thinking. We have to discern whether or not a thought is worthy of our attention or not. And this is where stillness comes into practice. The clarity that comes about from the practice of achieving stillness or some semblance of stillness leads us to be able to discern things better. So if you can practice stillness, you have more clarity. If you achieve more clarity, you're able to decipher and discern whether or not a thought or a doubt is worthy of our consideration and worthy of implementing into our larger plan and our larger context of achieving balance and thrust in our goals and in our creative life. Thank you.