identity

The speaker reflects on the concept of identity, emphasizing the distinction between the roles individuals play in the world and their true, deeper self. They discuss the importance of a stillness practice to connect with one's true nature, navigate relationships, and find balance amid life's challenges. Through Eastern philosophies like Hinduism, they explore the idea of a lowercase self tied to outward identities and a capital Self representing a universal connection beyond individual roles. The journey involves seeking understanding, cultivating kindness, and embracing the complexities of existence while striving for enlightenment and acceptance of suffering. The ultimate goal is to joyfully embody roles, engage with others, and playfully navigate life's dualities with humility and a commitment to living in alignment with one's values. Reflecting on the idea of identity, for me it always comes back to, you know, I'm not Once you've established a relationship with your stillness practice, then the roles that you play out in the world are somehow different than your identity, than your self-perceived identity. So like, if you don't have any sort of a stillness practice, then you kind of think of yourself as who you are. You think you are who you are, as Ram Dass would say. So my name is Nico, and I have a girlfriend, and I'm a son, and a brother, and I work in the film trade, or I'm an artist. These are the kinds of things that end up identifying you. And then the tricky bit is that, yeah, of course people out in the world are going to identify you that way because that's how they relate to you. But the tricky bit, or even the dangerous bit, is when you start to identify yourself that way, I think. Just pigeonhole you. If I'm Nico, the son, and Nico, the boyfriend, and Nico, the artist, it's just limiting. I mean, those might be aspects of my incarnation. They might be aspects of how I spend my time in this life, and they might be aspects of my outward identity, which is fine. Again, we live in a relational world, and that's normal and great, and it's wonderful to even cultivate those things. But it's only wonderful to cultivate those things if you have the awareness that your true identity is much deeper and vaster and broader than any of those placeholders, any of those containers. Most of what I have come to understand in this life is rooted in what I've learned from the Eastern traditions, which you can learn in the Western traditions, too. I'm not saying that one tradition is any better than the other. You know, truth comes in so many forms and traditions, and so it's really just finding what speaks to you and what resonates with you. For me, it's always been the Eastern, even more specifically, the Hindu philosophy. And so, with that said, identity is the self, and there's a small self and a big self, or a self with a small S, let's say lowercase, and a self with an uppercase S. And these are the same things, it's the same way of saying identity. So, the lowercase self would be just what I'm saying, like whatever it is you're doing in this life, in your life situation, how other people relate to you. And then there's the self with a capital S, and that's a bit more difficult to put into language, and perhaps a bit more abstract, but it's probably the most real, it is the most real thing. So, there's no difference between self with a capital S and God, and my self, and your self, I mean, this is what they would call, what the Hindus would call, the undifferentiated one. Your true self, which is not different than anybody else's true self, and here, I mean, language gets so limiting, and I'm not a master, I'm not a realized being. Again, these concepts have been so beautifully put into language by the masters, Yogananda, Ramakrishna, Aurobindo, so many, there's so many out there, from different traditions. So, finding the one that resonates most with your frequency, when you do that work to find those things, to find the language that speaks best to you, it's really quite wonderful to read or hear these abstract thoughts put into language by people who have understood it deeply enough, and experienced it in such a way that they can bring it into the world through language. Identity. Identity is just something that we use for convenience, I think. We have to give a name, when you're born, they have to give you a name, so that they can call upon you, and you have to have a role in this world, in this world of maya, relationships and objects, and so that's all okay, there's nothing wrong with having an outward identity, we just want to be very careful not to think of ourselves only in terms of that outward identity. And so, to develop some sort of a stillness practice, or to develop a practice which points towards stillness, so that your relationship with your true self is that which does not change, with that which migrates from one lifetime to another, changes only the body, that identity, the one which will never die, which was never born. That's the big one, baby. And the nice thing is, as you develop a stillness practice, and you become more rooted in your stillness practice, and your relationship to yourself becomes deeper, and your relationship to the world, to objects and relationships, becomes a little bit more... I don't like necessarily the word detached, because it somehow implies a sense of blasé-ness, but I don't even mean that. It's just that in my experience, the more I've developed a relationship with my true nature, the more I've been able to experience a sense of... there's a layer between that sense of self and the outside world. And that layer is a beautiful layer, because it allows me to experience the world around me, and be involved in the world around me, in an even more profound and present and playful way, because I have a little bit of separation between the relationship that I have with my true nature, and the world of objects and relationships. And it's so wonderful to be able to be a little bit playful. Of course, I'm still subject to emotional complications. You know, I feel, I experience pain and empathy, and all sorts of things that can pull us down if we're not careful. And I guess what I mean by that is, in my life, I've been subject to bouts of depression, more depression than anxiety, I would say. Feeling other people's pain, and not having the establishment in my true nature strong enough to be able to hold two feelings at the same time, meaning the feeling of empathy and love for another, and sitting with someone else in their pain, without letting it throw me off balance. I mean, this is tricky stuff. But as I've deepened my own relationship to my stillness practice, I've been able to show up and be more present, and listen with my whole being to others, and just share in space, in that space with others, and to hold my own ground. Delicate balance. So it seems that everything I'm talking about, or reflecting upon, points back to finding a stillness practice, finding a bridge of some sort that brings me into a stillness practice. Because from there, I can water the seeds of kindness to others, empathy with others, kindness to myself, awareness, increased sensitivity to states of consciousness. P.S., all of this is like a work in progress in a big way. I mean, I'm very subject to moods, and feelings, and thoughts, and you know, it's an everyday practice. What I can say is that at 48 years old, having been circling around these concepts for decades, I have found answers which satisfy me, and I have found relationships with seekers and teachers, both in the body and not, who have helped me to make sense of maya, of the world of objects and relationships, and to make sense of what it means to have a practice that allows me to both deepen my relationship to God, and to be more present and available in the world. What have I learned about the difference between who I am and the roles that I play? Depends on the day. I mean, there's a philosophical answer to that question, of course. You know, I am not the roles that I play. I am much vaster than that. My true self, my true nature, is not different than your true nature, which is not different than the true nature of God, the undifferentiated One, the Tat Tvam Asi, Thou Art That, the famous Hindu dictum. But in my lived experience, life is tricky, relationships are tricky, and there is suffering in the world so much, and there is suffering in my own being, and how to accept that suffering is a part of this life. Of course, the Buddha tells us that enlightenment is the end of suffering, and that's the direction we're all going in, whether or not we even know it, we are going in that direction, and this life is a curriculum to work on things that are keeping us from achieving oneness. Might sound like empty words, but they're not. I am not the roles I play, but the more I become still, the more I'm able to embody those roles joyfully, and playfully, and in a way that allows me to be with others, and to enjoy others, and let others enjoy me, and to play with life. To play with life is the ultimate gift. To be here, and to play with it, and to hold all of the different dynamics at the same time. That life is joyous and wonderful, and there is beauty, and there is pain, and there is suffering, and there is confusion, and there is imbalance, and there is inequality, and people can be wonderful, and they can be evil, and it all fits, and it all points back to the unanswerable question, why? Why are things the way they are? I can't answer that question. The stillness practice allows me to hold the question, to be humble enough to understand that I don't understand, to take shelter at the feet of my guru, Sri Ramakrishna, to be a dharmic friend, a dharmic partner, a dharmic son, a dharmic brother, a dharmic participant in this life as best I can. If I'm doing that, then I don't think there's much I can regret. And on and on we go.