Sex & Beds

Sex and beds, and imagine you're wondering if the marks you've left have healed. Even the body cannot forget that scars are made for remembering. Here lies a footpath leading to the cobblestones that lay on their backs, letting their hair into a pond of coy and wishbone, to hatch ambition and promise glistening tiki sticks that burn the perfume of summer, the hum of chimes hung at the door, swayed to the tunes of the prairie, and dance in the breeze of tomorrow, held in archway with two long columns where roses paraded the scents that led into a garden, cement beige walls dipped in eucalyptus, pine and sandalwood, cinnamon and orange peels, vines draped in amyris and peony greeting each other into a twist, and the honeysuckles and sunflowers that tower over the still waters of a moat separate the lilies and the wildflowers, and under the skyline, enlightened by the burgundy upholstery cushioning me, I invite another neighbor for tea, welcome in. Rosebuds paraded the fences of her heart, each petal a glutton for gloom, burgundy like the perfume of love, wilting fragrance tugged by time, linens soaked in grief, damp pillows and frail sheep, her backbone bent in vines of rosebuds. Everything is a fortune wheel's bun spinning, a mobile of roses hung upside down by string and melancholy, burgundy is the color of her heart. Her and Vanity. She held the tip of her mascara to her eyelids, the black polish under the length of her lashes, in several scoops a swoop advanced them into an upward curl. Her room hosted the grays of a 1990s summer, at first glance the color scheme was mellowed by the brown curtains and gray sheets of her bedroom comforter. A yellow sunflower tapestry hung at the wall by her door, the string of polaroids clipped onto white Christmas lights, zigzagging the length of the bedpost, displayed with a sorority memorabilia highlighting a famous Marilyn Monroe quote reading, beneath the makeup and behind the smile, I'm just a girl who wishes for the world. Manuela dabbed foundation onto her cheeks, a process which she found solace in. I sprawled myself onto her bed to keep busy, I clicked over TV series and watched endlessly for the hours she would feed her vanity. At the frame it engraved rose vines with coiled stems, it had embroidered leaf patterns on its handle where she kept her lipsticks and neighboring utensils. Vanity is the color of her heart, which she usually wore to drown me, her lips were painted and all the while indulging mindlessly she was teaching herself to blend. Over the vanity she dangled just as the jewelry that countless men had given her, like the watch I resented for being far too large to even be hers, I scanned the room always waiting for changes, they never came expectedly, she always spewed a wardrobe that bore the greatest significance of transformation, the pallet of men's clothes piled from their absence, she would take from it youth and adultery, she sported a skin tight one piece bodysuit of an off pink shade and paired it with her mid length black leather skirt, it hugged her bodacious hips that men swooned over, then she pulled a beautiful long gold necklace from the drawer of the vanity and swept her hair off side, from her bed I quickly rose for the opportunity to save her from waiting too long, aimlessly I defaulted to the madness of a girl who wished for the world that I was serving, I closed the loop around her neck and kissed the portion of her nape that invited me, her hair weaved in the crevices of my fingers as I pulled, she released a whimper intoxicatingly satisfying until her lips too bloomed at the sky, and with the other hand I held her chin to meet her lips as they tugged with such a passion that my heart fled from the fires that we made, meanwhile I placed her right hand over my forearm and I released her hair from my predatory grip, turned to me then pointed at her bed unwillingly I darted to the stuffed puppy that Michael gifted, then to the message sent, it didn't matter how long it had been, I was fixated on it, but still we made love as the inadimate object closed the air, drenched in a heap of mockery I was to be reminded of him regardless, my mind would travel far beyond my wisdom up until I could feel it stabbing in my chest, the lashes of pain behind that story, she always had a way of bringing me back through sex, she would literally fuck away the pain, always scarring me, she craved the world behind the smile but never beneath the makeup, on days like this I really enjoy the quiet, being alone in trinkets of time spent sipping tea, watching raindrops, and in my head I'm drifting, I drift so far beneath, the quiet brings me to my knees, in mantras and adages and maxims, this is how I ground myself, I set my roots in silence, is it okay to touch your leg, I need some affection, I'm falling asleep though, how far do you live, I'm in Sunnyside, you work tomorrow? I'm visiting family, I can't help it, I have a pig heart, can I still feel you, just a bit, she kissed me better than my jeans kissed my knees, better than harmony, I loathe the man who will wear her next, in bed she is inevitable, stardust and sprinkles and she knows it, she bridged a thread from her left to right atrium, waited for the flush of her heart, red waters filled forgotten chambers, the rush of her ex's hair on the bed, of the aroma she left, of the unwashed dishes that fed her to satisfaction, red waters filled forgotten chambers, the rush of her spoons of citrus, of the tasteless dishes, spoon fed the spoonfuls of love, no one tastes like she does, bittersweet punch as the red waters fill her lungs, rose petals laid on beds, burning scents of candles, candid was the air we sipped in passion, a sanctuary turned weeping, the corridor filters dusk, sinked tears on shoulders, drips of years on roses, burgundy hearts, a bed we made for keeps, kept in yours, nailed in the dashboard of my brain making thoughts seem like a mental maze and I can't cut through, solid lining in the core of the self trap I'm designing, solidified and deep I am lost in me, I'm trying every day to find the exit or the entry of love, in the morning she would reach under the covers for my rump and squeeze it closer to her body, I was able to feel the frontal planes of her existence heating me up, I was as warm as her uncle's beer left on the counter when he would violate her in silence, I was heating the touch of her raging fears, I was scorching the misplaced safety of others that banged between her lap, I was hot and I was safe, for years I meant to only be her safety, I burned the thought that being safe meant being touched but I never learned a single thing that did not confirm that, morning wood, morning wood against your heat, feel the creases of my meat, fingers over panties, your juice makes them slip, the harder I get the wetter you are, spread my mouth where you can part, give me your sweet sweet pussy, feel the skin of my bones robbing, I can come right in your hand, then your mouth where it counts, do that thing with a slurping sound, roll your head up around, lick me sideways down, nibble on that cock so good, how I love this morning wood, darling was her breath along my collar, she brings warmth to places undiscovered by any other lover, digging the points of her extremities deep into the backside of my ribs like she was erasing memories off my list of all the women I have bedded, kissed off one by one with the explicit press of her lips, she enchants the darkness from my soul drawing from the most reminiscent hold of my heart space, she summons me like a flute to a snake, caresses my wounds in a meditative state as euphoria enchants her grace, this woman is my treasure, I will love her body and spirit forever, devil's chalice I dance with dalliance in my lap, graze a trail with crooked tacks, trickle tears run down my knees, a streamy passion I brave indeed, she brings the moon gallantly, lick the wounds and then she fleets, at the hour of the flesh we meet as one perennial love, a carnal desire fleets into your lap, a love affair breaking night, violet skies, a trance enchanted your body and of mine, tick tock, alarm clock, around and around I sit on your cock, sit on my cock, I like you on top, you can look down like the top of the rock, she grazed the knees of the couch with her fingers, trace a circle in one direction and pointed the other directly at me, I crept closer to the flute of her body, there's no other woman or man that summons me the way she does, like a flute to a snake, as distasteful as that may be, I reckon she has become someone different, our limbs mingled and spread like the modern dance sequence I prepared for in college, a delicate array of arm lengths and swoops, I maneuvered a body scan for hidden signals, searching for companionship, I only know you through your body and then through your abuse, I sabotaged the experiences that I worship eight times over, and in this life too, I left her once in the havoc, in the havoc of moons, what my heart looks like are the dangles of roses whose stems are made of string held upside down, burgundy is the color of my heart, tugged by destiny and rosebuds that hang my woes, teaching me that life is all about letting go, heartstrings, our season's coming up, it is almost autumn, the presence of the season reminds me of you, everything about it changes and fades, it is a transformation old and new, old and new, I rattle in the breeze of autumn, listen for the crunch of heart beneath my feet, I watch phone lines sway to your rhythm, and I taste your sweet between my teeth, on the Saturday before Halloween, our anniversary, I'm thinking about hiding away in the pockets of the city that feel like you, home lingers in sips of bourbon and orange peels, cuddled in the arms of the holidays, I sip away, I sip until I fade, I'll sit on my stoop for seasons again to fall for you, autumn, you are transformative, old and new, everything about you changed, I scratched your name at the end of every poem I completed for four years, my soul has been depleting, last night I dreamt about a new place, a home, a very spacious one with large windows, a brownstone in a neighborhood, then I dreamt about you walking in and we were there, and for some reason a bunch of cameras and a tv that played the perimeter of our home, and even in my dream, even in my sleep, I watched you cheat me, you're a sunflower in a field of roses, shining in the lighting, I lift to examine the view, wildly free, dancing in the wind, you are a world in my hand outspoken, a dream in a petal I'm poking, in a petal I'm poking, no thorns, yet you choke me, sorceress, a wicked love despite darkened days, in the moonlight shadows live in spite of mountains paved on moons, we leap years of faith, awaken of my heart in light of spells, beloved and be damned, damned, damned, velvet love, smoother than your red roof specials, sacred heart space, hot wax, whips and candles, leash on and you're submissive, we are freaks, it's no secret, everybody knows it, broken sentence, in the fires that we make, feels like a punctuation, because you have a way with words, and I have a way with verbs, and both put together, creates a frustration, and then a dedication for the bed, I get on top of you, inside me, you grew, and after that, it's everything you do, Manuela, in the fires that we make, feels like a punctuation, because I have a way with words, and you have a way with verbs, and action, is our inclination, our frustration for the bed, you get on top of me, inside you, I grew, and after that, it's everything you do, Reyla, in the fires that we make, the sentence runs on, because I have a way with words, and you have a way with verbs, and together we make grammar, because the subjective is the objective, our frustration for the bed, I get on top of you, you moan, and I groan, it's everything we know, fire, emotions grip the edges of my heart, pull the creases, till they bled for her, aches so badly, that the impulse was innately masochistic, obsession isn't the word, it was agape, devotion, a mechanism rooted in value, so deep that my world came apart with one string, and she pulled it, I am the one you used to call yours, in so many forms we come together, from deformed love, just recreating a dream, we both had one, I picked her bones with my teeth, flossed through the wicked cores of Manuela, wildly grim with the fruits of labor on the body, we drew on the faithful hope that there was something more like home, a comforting way of demolition, found the roots of poison that we smoked, and faded, in scene, the fall weather has me taking to my knees in desperation, it's the road of the wind that calls on me, the rush of citrus and orange peels, it's when I walk alone in the havoc that I begin to realize that all I can feel is bonfires that start up in local parks, and the sporadic flames of young love, do the means justify its drift, today I'm sober, and still it's pit-stakingly painful, I took dirty out of chai and melted troubles in the mints of tea leaves, deciding growing up meant growing out of my comfort zone, encrypted rivalries on the heart of lifetime, each other's lifelines, someday we will scream again at each other, a party on cloud nine, braving through the stormy weathers and parading senses, blurring lines, the heart seems to want what it wants, and damn I'd give anything to surrender, try, she took a droplet from the rain and kissed it, all the wounds of the world in a drip, the taste of salt painted her lips, it melted her heart, and it stretched along tasteless, she began to look for spoons of sugar, then for citrus, anything to sip away the pain, she bridged a thread from her left to right atrium, waited for the flush of her heart, red waters filled forgotten chambers, the rush, we are shipwrecks at the sea, karma addressed the demons we were swimming from, you never fought command, and you let them sink your ship on pure demand, I'll never understand these creatures underneath, sometimes the wandering keeps me drifted, above the water made of tears I can still see you waving me down, I'm afraid of the wrapping of my fears as I'm swimming, you're merely a moment in the sinking, a breath held for thousands of painful memories, I will not tread closer to a shark in the waters of my heart, who am I to believe you wouldn't tear me apart, you never could be trusted, animalistic aches, I am troubled, you pin weary on my breath, all I pray to the moon for, the only one that lights the way I adore, the likes I do with you, shake the stakes of my heart loose from the roots of the stars, in cycles that whisk logic foray, I am desperate without your gaze, take my telly to the roof just to look at you, you are a maze of dream dust I taste on the roof of my lips as they curve upward over your hips, I bite down the wolf that tries to eat you, the craving claws to dray you animalistic into room, rip your memories awake and lust with you, I woke mid-sleep and felt you, smelled your body, reopened the wounds, your soft spring curls bounce mid-air by half-breaths and paired evenly with your breath, circles planets in my head, you're a Mars day ache, but I still dote on you, I am troubled in the mid-light moons I lay without you Manny, no matter how old I get and how many relationships I get involved in, heartbreak feels just the same as it did the first time, torturous, I met with my grief, shouldered her beauty, in her depths I became familiar, I built her a home to house her sadness thinking isolation would bring her peace, it brought her silence and stillness, it remedied her sleep but she was cursed by the moons of havoc, every night it buried her in her dream in the quiet she was losing, nail and dirt calling to hear the sounds of her aching heart, sadness raised a mirror to her soul, when she realized she never needed to see herself, it was the kindness of the world that failed her in the noise of grief, it's ironic really, how much we need each other, the morning after I reviewed my body, there were prints from your fingers that pressed my skin and left it bruising, a present day reminder that rage is passion but that doesn't make it love, I wanted to understand you on the level of your inner voice, what I wanted to know was the real you, though she talked you out of loving me and encouraged you towards anger, I wonder how broken she was herself, I made love to her too, I touched her in the darkness and met her in solitude, the nights I slept with you she lured me into her body, the affair was nothing short of inspiration, she had a ways of practice ambivalent, I was choosing a lover whose love grew in backward motion, she came to me in a dream I had in her sleep and brought a bouquet of nightshades, I was charmed by the beauty of a flower, venom obscure, the toxicity was cryptic and we fell at its feet to endure all the bloodlust of love, la luna guzman, she spoke in sermons, breathing prayers down my neck, a cursed existence, relished in the notes of a sinister impression, a dream state in euphoria, the malefic entanglements of her letters she hung them one by one by the clothespins as she laundered, my boundaries into a set of limitless blend, the tones of coastal air simmer like fog steeping in chai and cigarettes, there is a steam of a swift season breeze, the beige linens and how I've come to undress a woman, in a confession I breathed down her neck, a cardinal desire that fleets into my lap, a wicked love despite darkened days, the years we set on fire remains our love, a tart feeling, a hard feeling, tears of red waters trail, a lingering that no one but us can feel of cycles, her ebony skin meets the points of my fingers, I grip magnetic, bruises linger, above coral scars surfing wavelengths of the heart, I wonder how Hawaii water felt for someone so cold and distant, I've melted summer skies away on the roof of my mind, it was fast as sabotage and a letter, smelled of grills and cocoa butter, when she touched me under sweaters, she tethers my body back to life, touched by an angel on sex and thread, all in a letter we never had time for, I told you once that our love was like holding a rope, that if we needed to we would pull until we were close, you can't tell me that you let go and still be on the other side with hope, you know that this is all wrong, I lathered in silence of the wounds you left on my skin, I gripped my heart and squeezed between the emptiness of my breast and cried so hard, abuse harvested roots between us, I wept in the dark, I inhaled your spirit, feeling the rise and fall of my chest between the silence and the stillness, our world divided, your energy trapped in the ruins of my mind keep you close, unfastened, our love only crumpled, remainders were all but noticed, all we worked for disintegrated before our eyes, how can we believe our wills are faded, broken hearted, lawn chair, she was a polygamist spreading her romance like wildflowers, she made it feel so good, the emotional cushions she picked made it feel safe in her nook, why are these lovers showing up with flowers at my gate, I'll let her go by candlelight, I charged at the drawer stuffed with the purple tea lights, grabbed the first two and lit them ablaze, we'd been drinking craft beers on the fresh cut grass of her backyard, listening to vinyl records and withering away, I never knew that alligash and IPAs were crafted to sink the nerves, in full her kisses silenced me, in love I am a cynic and cynics are martyrs and all martyrs are saints, it is the stillness of my headspace that festers, a dangerous degree of fidelity, from there I was hers, I am hers, in this lifetime, on my lawn chair, or the next, or the next, she has to know that I am hers, a dark and stormy, I took the highball glass from the counter and bobbed for ice, found the last can of ginger root beer behind the ketchup, I searched the pantry for the rum we had six years ago, the oystering scent of the ron, the capa, santanario, pooled under my nostrils, the mahogany hints that filled the glass of oak, orange and clove, with a stark cinnamon finish, I just love the sensations of drinking, a dark and stormy, can't have the dark and stormy without the lime, I think to myself, I stepped into the office and retracted one from the bar fridge, poured it onto the bed of rocks at the pit of my glass, this is going to be delightful, I thought ahead, I walked over to my armchair and sat in its shell, turned on the speaker and listened to the smooth melody of light jazz, the desk was made from Bolivian rosewood and stored my favorite commodity, the cigar box my grandfather gave me, his scent reminded me of the campfires and deserts, commemorating him was a treasure that held scarcity, like a vintage item among the accoutrements of old fashion, laced between my middle and my pointer, laid the Gurkha Cellar Reserve 15-year Kraken XO, a taste for chapped lips, a tinge at the painful strokes of devotion, some have called me an addict, maybe, maybe I am an addict, just looking to pair my cigar with a dark and stormy finish, your promiscuous curves dictate the ways of covetous hands, of men and snowflakes, you'll never have to call home home, when you are safe there are no words, only freedom feels emotional, you are trapped in all the ways that men have held you down, dragged you by your hair, crushed your shoulders towards the ground and just stood there, and you take them in as unique as the frosted sparkles meet the merry land, and I for one have stood the mound to bat for you, an hourglass of a body takes time to master soul, I've grieved the palms of time and though you've left me high and dry, I know that deeply in the darkest months that pass her by, that she will later hold my hand in memory and in bloodlust, a blood pact, aches animalistic, I want to tear through your clothes and meet your soul, baby I want to see you, want to tell you everything I'm going through, just let it sit with you, I want to kiss you from the inside out, throb when I hear your name and I've been pumping my pillow for days, I can't help how much I've missed you, wondering how quick you switched from in to now and I've been imagining how this encounter would look and sound and I had to write it all down because shit gets all blurry with you, there are days that make me think 10 steps ahead and baby I'm scared too, it's 4 24 and sleeping's not a thing I can do anymore, stay up thinking hard and it's always about you, I could keep searching your body for that inner child that plays hooky with my inner wild and calm the beast of the wolf that tries to eat you, fuck I'm out of moves just going in circles looking for you, lost like a hound, where in the how did you leave so profound, the impact is torture, feels like the doghouse just burning down in the woods, baby I'm sorry, don't keep me out, I'm breaking moon and I'll rip the house down to lay next to you, I know how this sounds like I'm begging, but manny when you pitch the mound I hit the ground running hoping to greet you, I'm stunted and just like you I know I'm in the presence of more than a friend too, like the wound to fix you, tell me where this went south and I'll crawl every mile to be with you, you came back to me, it was you who came home, I sensed that you were no longer mine but you came home anyway, you were stained with his prints on your body like a tattoo, detected a jest in the ways you moved, distraught in love and I was heartstruck, you touched me and it hurt, your fingers spilled his name, ink on skin, you even kissed different, every day he's in your energy, ridiculing, every day you're in my memory advocating but I am still yours, tattooed, as ink became more and more relevant, danger held out his hand and charmed me hollow into the abyss, writing in curses, hmm dangerous, murky goes my mind, blankets of blues turn murky gray, skies call my name, holding on to every inch they can, the grounds are shadowed, dusty youth and I don't feel like myself, something in the weather raised the broken through, I've never felt so distant, empty, far away, I've been sad a long time coming, tensions build then pour like rain, I am paralyzed, faint afraid, everything goes toiling under, pins and needles, nerves are crawling, my body shakes awake but nothing feels like I'm alive, I'm in the darkest place, from the horizon of my mind, spears protrude, the skylines are pitchforks, deep inside, everything filters way too slowly, the floods go bashing to the wayside of my body, then I'm falling, laid alive but anxious clawing, I'm desperate for a thread of something new, she took a droplet from the rain and kissed it, she could taste the world as she continued to drink the rain, her world was falling and it tasted like salt, it burned her, naturally her tongue savored the flavors of Venus and opposition, she pulled away while the floods in her heart poured, poured over the storms of violet skies and red room eroticas, becoming has never hurt so good and when her world turned it spoiled all the roots of her flowers, so she went under to dance with the devil and fire, molted her name on the stone surface, a tombstone in the name of her bliss, lovely and grim, Manuela I wonder if I'd wither away, a crop of this universe and if tears expedite my age am I wiser because I'm broken, the brevity of time truly captivates me, why am I here, what is the purpose, when all my life I've been retracted by my fears and the still waters that have grown me, years of turning inwards, the company I take, an arm's distance away, these bodies of water, current gaps, the pad pad pedals of reaching forward and walking through the hourglass of space and the time it takes to realize the waste that fills my mind, a running tab of endless tries, I take one last bittersweet blink of eye and swim the tide, melt me into Saturdays, I want to feel today like I've felt the hoods of mountains and the breeze of tomorrow, plant flowers in my heart where before there was wasteland, I want to write my love into your pockets and my voice into chimes hung at your door, I want to live like yesterday, a harvest to reap the voids, firewood and dark space, I'd come back from gathering firewood for the pit, there's a chilly wind but I'm sweating, she comes out with something warm in her hand and an apple, she always wants to take care of me, from the heat I whipped my brow with the back of my hand, kissed her passionately and began to find that my hands had unfastened the last three buttons of her shirt, the other right under it as I fondled her breath, playing with her nipples until they hardened like the imprint on the side of my pants, she's turning me on, I want to press myself onto her lap and pull her close, instead I took hold of her hip and her wrist and I turned her around, took the rope we used to tie the wood together to tie her hands behind her back, then kicked her leg in until she can't stand, stay down I say, I take the apple and bite right into it, it's juicy and I want her to taste it, ready your mouth I command, she opens her mouth and I tell her to lick, she's licking the red of the apple trailing to lick my hand and sucks me closer, I can feel the back of her throat and I'm bulging right out of my pants, I remove myself from the wicked restraint of her fangs and hang thick with veins, spread myself over her lips like jelly and jam, she transfers weight onto me and I thrust myself into her, if I press her cheeks closed over my cock the tighter it gets, I pull away to return the apple in my hand, bite, she bites, tell her if it falls I'd penetrate her asshole, tear her bare until she bleeds from it, she sinks her teeth a little closer but she knows it's a dangerous endeavor, when she bites the apple falls and she'd be in for it, I launch her off her knees and walk her by rope into the house, I lead her into the kitchen, lay her down on the couch, stomach out and tie both her legs up to meet her hands, I press myself into her cheeks, hard as can be, tell her not to let go or else, I love watching how threatened she gets, how fearful, I step away to look at the animal on my table, with fear in her eyes, an apple in her mouth and limbs behind her, I stroke her insides from behind like a beast, tear right through her pussy, I'm throbbing from how wet she gets and how she whimpers below me like S&M, I'm going to nut inside the chick I met on tinder, we did it so deep she bit too hard accidentally, as the apple rolls away I say, oh darling, you know just what this means, I pull her entire body close, pull the skin of her apple and enter my favorite dark space, she is ornate in spirit, intricate soul to keep me praying to the saints, a basilica of faith, she endows my body in ordinate ways, kneels for days, takes the lord's name in vain, a masochist, plain as day, she bows to pay the sacrifice she makes, she's a lover by day but by moonshine, sways with the devil, he curls her hair behind an ear and whispers her name, a breath of fresh air as she crumbles further away, she's yours and she's gone the next day, he wants her and she follows his shadow, at dawn she became my dream, just like that, the woman I love breaks routine, I've been tormented by ghosts since she's weaned herself off me, been licking the shadows, cleaning her off me, but all I can taste are the drips of sorrow and burgundy, you who are the giver of pleasure is the bringer of heartache, you who are the master of mind games is the teacher of sorrow, you who are the initiator of absence is the breaker of silence, you have compiled many moments into risks, a dangerous combination of purpose, you torment me as woe has brought me to my knees in mantras that wish you away, but the prophecies are forthcoming and they display what karma paves in time, you pray into my skin and cut my heart out to drain me in sacrifice, a soul apocalypse for climatic effect, to reap yourself right into my head, minding and rewinding, rectifying these notions you call love, this isn't love, this is torture, I think about my life, watch the five years down the line flew right by, I'm deeper in the hole, I dig more boys than I can swim in, hitting rocks of bourbon, I can't say how many drinks in I'm in or how many sips it takes to taste you, when I'm older will it be another five, will you still be beside him far from my life, will you still break my heart every day, in the fires that we make a punctuation, I taste divine bliss as these explorations scar my lips, vanity and her, the vanity was a gift from a lover, every day she used it to redefine herself, fix her imperfections, she enveloped an air of newness at the vanity, she looked into her eyes daily to ask herself what aging would look like, it was her deepest pocket of time she spent reflecting, she was transformative and ever shifting, always growing, the vanity was more than a present, it was where she first learned that she could be both saint and sinner, she would change her skin and shelter into a new one, she smiled at herself as the blare of bachata filled in the background, swept from aventura to romeo santos, she would sing to the lyrics and slowly dip her chin to apply mascara, it had a way of bringing back something missing, a loss she described feeling as absent from monday through friday, this was her saturday night ritual, it carried all the trends and taxes of beauty from her burgundy non-stick lipstick to the curling iron, she would wear her hair in loose curls for her little sister's quinceanera, she placed her brush and iron on the cream colored surface and stalled at the drawers beneath to choose her finest gold necklace, she chose the sunflower i gave her last summer, the paraphernalia of vanity stretches over her features, she wears someone new, someone filtered, she attached the final touches of lash glue and blew a kiss in the mirror of vanity as she told herself she was still beautiful, the vanity lined the lilies at the hips with engraved leaves right under it, there was a distinguishable lean of its rear left foot, much like the imperfection of my own, it bore a sigil of regality with its gold streaks around its mirrors and specks of diamonds that sparkled from the drawer, the drawers were full of fine toothbrushes and miscellaneous items, a clear container packed with luxury lipsticks and fragrances protruded, her antique jewels were organized in such a way that brought order to its crowded surface, it secured a watch collection gleaming from one of its ends, the omega sea master and the mvmt watches filled the spaces, it was her place of meditation, a place of accepting the changes, greeting imperfection and making the best of what she can while smiling still, it flatters nothing more than your soul as i actively wear edges into softer fold beneath your feet, i ask, aren't you exhausted? the night shades in the garden rotted the soil, the perennial herbaceous leaks of poison at its ribs, a hysterical clash of delirium and toxicity, the mania evolved into a ferocious sea of falling aimless, from ground point you put a palm to the floor and lifted the world but no one was waited, everything is a dream state in euphoria and sedation, i cannot feel the limbs but while the gregarious ability to feel the rise and fall of my chest, i can feel it handcuff me into a love fest of emotion, you are the only one i see clearly still, a fixed point in the circumference of the universe, if not for the remedies i could stir the cup of death, surrender, i surrender to the poison i drank in your lap, you were always deadly, i was always wet, a relationship is far from sex and dead