Episode 23

Cassie and Mariah discuss the recent snowstorm in New Jersey and Oregon. Mariah enjoys the snow and shares her experiences with it. She mentions that they haven't had much snow in the past couple of years, so she's enjoying it now. She talks about the icy conditions and how it affected her plans to go to the gym. Mariah also mentions that the storm in Oregon was mostly freezing rain and ice, causing power outages and damage from fallen trees. She acknowledges that she is fortunate to have not lost power and has been spending her time at home. They discuss the differences in snowfall between Oregon and New Jersey, with Mariah mentioning that they used to get more snow when she was younger. They also talk about the challenges of the storm, including power outages and difficulty getting groceries. Mariah mentions that she has been stocking up on snacks during the storm. Hi, I'm Cassie, and I'm Mariah, and this is the Cassie and Mariah Show, a podcast where two long-distance internet friends, that's us, discuss navigating their 20s through disability and chronic illness. Mariah, what's up? How are you surviving Arctic Blast, U.S. Takeover Day 2-4? It's the craziest U.S. tour since the Beatles. It's been, you know, I honestly, like, can't remember the last time that it snowed in New Jersey. It must have been 2022, like, very early, or, like, even 2021, because, like, last year, yeah, no, yeah, because last year, 2023, we did not have one single snow day. We haven't had, like, a decent snow day where, like, schools closed and, you know, people delayed openings in a while. And I honestly was kind of like, what if it never snows here ever again? Because of that, like, we really haven't been getting much snow the past couple years. So now that we've had, like, some, like, even when I see my phone and it says, like, the degrees outside is, like, 18, I'm like, wow, I can't remember it being this cold, like, in a long time. So as somebody that loves the snow, I am enjoying it. I do really like the, I like to chill, I like watching the flurries fall, I like honestly not having a reason to go anywhere. I like being able to, you know, go outside with Caden and he likes to jump around in the snow. I love seeing, like, the critter footsteps in the snow. And I just really enjoy it. Today is a day where there's not a single cloud in the sky, but it did snow yesterday. It was a little bit of a blizzard, some icy conditions and stuff. Like, I was going to go to the gym last night, but I walked out to my car and there's just like a thin layer of ice on my street where, like, if I could stand there, if I moved my feet without holding on to anything, I would have ate shit. Like, I really would have just slipped. So I decided to not go anywhere last night and just hung out. Today, it's thawing out a little bit just because there's no clouds. It's pretty sunny today, but it's still cold. It's still, like, less than 20 degrees. But, yeah, I mean, I don't really know if we're going to even get more snow, like, this upcoming week or weekend, because I know you guys are going through, like, a bit of a frost over there. So I was just wondering if that was, like, moving over to, like, the east, but I don't really think it is. Or at least not yet. I think it was moving because it was, like, basically, if I remember right, it was, like, one of those polar vortex things where it comes down from Canada, which is why it covered the whole country, mostly. Right. So you guys got actual snow, though. Yeah, like, it was snow and then there was some rain that turned to ice and then it's more snow again. But it wasn't a lot of snow. Like, it's definitely not anything more than a foot. Oh, I'm sorry. More than a foot. It's like six inches of snow, though. Yes. Oh, dear. Oh, I would say, like, maybe six inches, give or take. Oh, I mean, that's significant. Wow. Well, you know what it is? When I was younger, we would get, like, sometimes we would get feet. Oh. So that's why, like, anything less than, anything around, like, six inches, to me, personally, isn't a lot of snow. Wow. But, like, because I remember when I was younger, being outside and being, like, you know, obviously you're smaller, but, like, at least it's, like, up to my shin. Like, at least a foot. But now it's definitely, I would say, I mean, maybe I would say between, like, three to six inches of snow, but I know, like, most of it is ice. Yeah. And, yeah, like, there really wasn't a lot of, like, yeah, the roads weren't horrible, but I guess it's just more of the ice being slippery and black ice and things like that. Wow. I'm just amazed because basically most of ours was ice. When the storm first came in, we got a little bit of snow, which is why it is white outside. But other than that, like, it's been freezing rain for days. Oh, really? Yeah. And so today it's finally, like, the sun's out and things are dripping finally. But it just, it hasn't been getting, like, the ground is so frozen and the stuff on the ground is so frozen that it's, like, taking forever to actually thaw out. Yeah, here we, in Oregon, we really, we only get, like, it's usually under six inches if we're going to get snow. Oh, okay. In fifth grade, we had three and a half feet, completely random. Wow. And then when I was in the hospital for my two-week spine stay, Portland got a foot of snow. But when those things happen, it's, like, pretty, like, dramatic, like, breaking news, like, you know, because we don't usually get that much. And it's, like, people are, like, looking at the videos of Portland and, like, making fun of drivers for not knowing how to, like, drive in winter conditions and stuff. But it's, like, this isn't just, like, snow. It's ice. Yeah, it's ice. And we had, and it was black ice and, like, freezing rain with blizzard conditions for most people. And so it was, I mean, it was, like, 60-mile-an-hour winds plus the ice on the trees. And so it's, like, yeah, there were trees coming down all over Portland and, you know, just anywhere that was being affected by the storm. And so it's, like, I've never seen so, like, there are more stories of trees going through people's houses than the news can cover. It's not, like, one freak story. It's, like, no, it's, like, literally, like, 30, 40-plus homes have been obliterated by trees going through them. Plus it's, like, every, like, people were without power for, like, six days. I haven't left the house since before we last recorded a week ago. And grocery stores were having to, like, throw everything out that was perishable. Because of power going out. Because of power going out. And then they, of course, couldn't get deliveries because of the ice. And especially because our wind was coming down through the gorge, which is a main trucking route. And so that really didn't help. And, yeah, it's just been pretty miserable. Quite a few people have died from hypothermia, from trees falling, other freak accidents. Like, it's been pretty bad. And, yeah, it's just been very wild to witness. And here I am over here. Have not lost power. We didn't get the wind at all. We're just iced in. But I'm over here, like, meh, I want chocolate-covered pretzels. Meh, I want Caesar salad. Like, we have plenty of food. Like I said, we didn't lose power. We're totally fine. But I'm still being a whiny baby when there are people out there dying, Cassie. Get a grip. I mean, like, you know, even here. I've watched the news and a couple things going on, like, with I don't really think any power outages, but, like, trees or, you know, ice, people sliding, cars sliding and stuff. Like, I've seen some of that. I love the videos of people that are, like, busting out, like, skis and ice skates going down the roads and stuff. They are kind of nice. But, you know, I really don't know too much that's going on really, honestly, because I've been so invested in, like, my audio books. Like, I'm so invested in a different world. I mean, that's good sometimes. I mean, I think it's just because, like, you know, I like having the excuse to not do anything or go anywhere. Like, I love just being able to, like, oh, the weather's shitty. Time to just hang out at home and play video games. Like, you know, I'll watch some stuff with the news because, like, weather or just, like, you know, stuff in my, like, local environment and things. I really don't. I think for the most part we've been okay over here. I think it's just because the snow, you know, like, I feel like it's really, it's more snowy than it is icy. Yeah, that definitely helps because I feel like we don't, I mean, like, we'll have some, like, it's usually the ice that, like, screws up our power because obviously it's, like, if it's knocking down trees, the trees are taking down the power line. Right. And then also it's just the ice on the power lines. Like, our power has been flickering basically the past week but not ever knocking out. And I think it's literally just from ice on the lines or from the heavy branches weighing on the lines. But it was, like, you know, hundreds of thousands of people were without power. They would get a bunch of people restored. Then we would get another wave of ice and wind that would knock them back out. It was so bad. Oh, my God. So it's like they really couldn't keep up. And then because of telephone poles getting knocked down, they didn't have enough cranes to be able to get certain ones back up. And then the cranes, when they finally got them in, were sliding off the road because the road hadn't melted. It was so bad. Oh, my God. I think we're finally coming up on the end of things. Things are thawing out a little bit more. Portland was pretty bad again yesterday. I mean, basically anything and everything has been closed for the past week. But, yeah, I think tomorrow we're finally going to venture out and just try to get groceries. And I can't stop adding snacks. I'm going to have to give you a snack haul because I can't stop. Because I'm just, like, again, I had plenty of just, like, normal food stuff to get through, but, like, I don't really like eating lunch. I'm kind of over breakfast. I'm a good dinner eater, but otherwise the rest of the day I'm, like, kind of snacky, kind of, I don't know. Like, I'll just, I don't know. I just scavenge things up. We're foraging. Yes, foraging, yes, pretty much. And so it's, like, I'm out of a lot of my usual snacks. And so it's, like, I've added lots of new snacks. Because I'm, like, you know, we, nowadays, we get most of our winter weather, like, January, February, sometimes into March. So I'm, like, I'd rather just, like, stockpile a bunch of, I mean, it's all shelf-stable, you know, just pantry snacks. So it's, like, I'd rather just stockpile a bunch of stuff right now because I'm, like, I'll eat it either way before it expires. And it's, like, I just don't want to go through another storm without good snacks. I get that. No, I feel that right now because, like, I ate, like, a whole bag of sour cream and onion chips the other night. And I was, like, fuck, those are my chips for the storm. And I ate them all already. Like, I've been snacking down all my stuff, even, like, my cups of soup. I'm trying to, and then I try to, like, ration stuff. And I'm, like, oh, my God, Mariah, like, just eat the fucking candy bar. Because I was, like, I ate, like, my sugary snacks, like, my candy snacks. And I'm, like, oh, man, I have no more weed left. I'm dying over here. We started running out of, like, ingredients to make. Like, we were making, like, Rocky Road candy, which was, like, chocolate-covered nuts and marshmallows, basically, and stuff like that. And we just started, like, running out of all of our baking stuff. And we're, like, come on. Can't a girl have a treat in this storm? Right. But, yeah, no, I mean, it's just, it's, yeah, the whole thing has been very interesting. And, I mean, we also didn't expect to be frozen in this long. And so I think that really, you know, it's, like, they were, like, oh, we'll thaw out by Wednesday. Well, then we'll thaw out by Thursday. Then we'll thaw out by Friday. And it's, like, here we are. It's Saturday. You know, it's been a week of this shit. And we're only just now starting to think about venturing out. So we will see how it goes. I think it will be fine. I think enough people have been out and about driving in it at this point. Yeah. We've broken up a lot of the stuff. And since we didn't get anything new, really, yesterday in terms of damage and extra ice and stuff, it's, like, I think we're finally coming out of it. And hopefully we don't have, like, I wanted a normal snow day. That was the worst part. There was nothing fun to watch. It was jumping freezing rain. It was, you know, I love to sit and stare out the window and watch. But it's, like, no. It's, like, being frozen in an icy hell is not my winter snow day dream. Right. But, I mean, I feel grateful that I work remotely because, I mean, that does make me go a little less stir crazy. And it's also been giving me a lot of routine, which has been really helpful. You know, I was really nervous before I started my job just in terms of, like, you know, like, working full time and school full time is a lot. And people were, like, are you going to be able to do that? And I've actually had no issue at all. And so I'm feeling very good about that. And then last week when I was in the office, there happened to be some people from my school who came through to meet with the representative I work for because my school is in her district. And the person I was talking to was, like, oh, are you getting credit for working here? And I was, like, no, I didn't think that was an option because I'm not an intern. She was, like, no, you can get credit for just, like, actually working. And so she connected me with a professor who, like, oversees, like, political science, like, credit stuff. And he sent me more info yesterday. And basically I could get up to 12 credits for my job, which is absurd. I thought he was going to say four. Right. Like, one class. Yeah. And instead he said 12 because of how many hours it is. And plus I would need to write, like, 20-page paper for him. Hey, man, anything to graduate early. Yes. So basically it's, like, that would knock off my whole spring term. And I would graduate in March, which is completely unexpected and would be, I don't know, very cool because my current job ends in March. And so if there's other opportunities in the legislature that I could easily transition into, that would be amazing. But who knows? I don't know. I was just, like, damn, that's really cool. Like, I don't know. Just, like, cool and exciting. Like, yes, there were other classes I was excited to maybe take. But I don't know. I can always – you know, learning doesn't start and end with school, you know. Oh, of course. Right. And, like, especially in a job that you're currently in where you can learn so much, like, still. And so it's kind of like, you know, why not? Exactly. You know, if you're already literally taking the credits, if you're already essentially doing a 24-semester, like, 24-credit semester right now, like, why not graduate early? Exactly. Would that change when you walk? No, no. Okay. Commencement's in June. And so, I mean, they would – basically they'd probably just mail me my diploma sometime. Right. No, because there's only – yeah, there's only the – at least I'm pretty sure there's only the once-a-year main commencement. And so I would still just do everything then. Yeah. I know most colleges around here do, like, a, you know, summer graduation. And then also they do one for, like, the fall. Like, if you – you know, so, like, I had a friend that just walked, like, two weeks ago. Oh, gotcha. A local university because she – like, her fall term was her last term. So I wasn't sure what it would be like. But also I assume because you guys are three. Yeah, I feel like there might be – yeah, we're on a quarter system. And so I feel like there might be some smaller ceremonies that happen throughout the year. But, like, I want to be part of the main big one. Yeah. So – but, yeah, so that would still be – I don't know. That would be so cool and exciting. And, yeah, other than that, unfortunately the snow did cause my doctor's appointment to get postponed because my doctor couldn't get there, I couldn't get there. So I am looking forward to talking about addressing my Lexapro because my depression symptoms definitely are getting worse, not from the Lexapro, but just, I think, from me being used to it. Like, it's not a high-end dosage because it did help for a couple of weeks. And then it's, like, now it's not helping. I mean, it's still helping to some degree. It's still not as bad as it was before. But, you know, I'm just kind of like – it is, like, especially, like, motivation and executive functioning has really been a challenge for me, which is frustrating. Dude, I feel that's so hard. Like, that's kind of what I've been thinking this past week too is, like, anxiety has been getting really bad again. And I'm, like, dude, it was, like, the first couple weeks of being on Lexapro. Like, it really did, like, curb a lot of what I was feeling. And now it's, like, I'm, like, oh, my God. And even, like, my time management, like, which is, like, having ADHD and anxiety, like, the time management is affected by both. But I was so certain, like, early, like, you know, from, like, being on Lexapro that it was going to help with some time management. Like, I feel like if I don't get, like, certain things done in a certain amount of time during the day, I'm, like, oh, my God, like, it causes me so much stress. And I'm, like, it's not even, like, worth it to be stressed about this. Like, I don't know why I'm getting so, like, upset about, like, deadlines that I'm, you know, making up for myself essentially. And, yeah, I mean, I just feel like, you know, I actually have my doctor's appointment next week to discuss my Lexapro and ADHD medications again and things like that. So I'm definitely going to be, like, yeah, I would like to bump up the Lexapro and, you know, talk about starting a non-STEM ADHD medication. Because it's just getting, like, you get used to it, and then you kind of, like, fall back into the same patterns. And especially, like, the executive functioning, oh, my God, it's suffering so bad. And, like, I know the weather also hasn't been helping us either. I think we're in the thick of winter. It is starting to stay lighter later and get lighter earlier again. But, and I will say that is the nice thing about it being white outside right now is I feel like that actually helps a lot. Yeah. And so I will miss that aspect. But, no, I do think that we're in the thick of seasonal depression, and that's not helping. Yeah. Yeah. No, 100%. Like, there's a lot of other, like, contributing factors to it all. But I feel like it's just kind of like the ebbs and flows of, like, being on medication, you know, or at least in the beginning. And it's hard to not, like, really internalize it and be like, oh, my God, like, I'm never going to get better. Like, oh, my God, it's, like, only going to get worse. And it's like, no, like, it will get better. Like, you're going to be okay. It's just like, you know, you're going to need the adjustment period. And, like, you're going to have to go through these adjustments. And it's going to be okay. But it's just hard right now. I will say, too, that I think the thing that I've been struggling with with regards to mental health is, like, in the past, like, there's always been a clear reason for why I feel the way I do. And so, I mean, we know that depression is quite literally a chemical imbalance. And, like, sometimes that's all it is. Like, my life is going extremely well right now, and I still feel like this. And that's okay. Like, you know, I'm glad I'm getting the help that I need. And I know that, too, it's, like, still me recovering from the past year and stuff. And I have to try to remember that. But it's, like, my life is so good right now. I don't know. It's just, like, frustrating to not be able to enjoy it to the level that I wish I could. But we're getting there. Yeah, I get that. I think that that's completely, like, valid, you know, to feel like that. Because, I mean, I'm kind of the same way. I'm like, dude, I love life right now. Like, I'm chilling. I'm doing great. And I'm like, oh, man, but, like, I'm constantly stressed and anxious about things that, like, don't even, like, exist in, like, my realm. So it's hard. It's definitely like an adjustment period. Yeah. I'm yawning so much. Oh, my God. I took my Lexpro at, like, 8 o'clock this morning. So I've been incrementally moving it up, you know, from going to taking it at 1030 at night. So I think that's kind of what it's hit me. Well, look at that thing, too. It's like I've been sleeping better. That's good. Like, I woke up at 7. I woke up at 7.30 this morning. My alarm clock goes off at 8.30. So I was like, okay, I'll just, like, kind of, like, hang out a bit. Not 4 in the morning. Not 4 in the morning. You know what it was? So one of my friends was like, have you looked up, like, the spiritual things of, like, waking up at that time and stuff? And you know what I was watching it? If you wake up between, I think it was, like, between 3 and 5, it means that your lungs are trying to tell you something. Like, that's the organs that that time relates to. And I'm like, bro, my lungs have been trying to tell me shit my entire life. Like, that's the last fucking organ that needs to talk to me. Oh, my God. So I thought that was really funny. But, yeah, I've been sleeping a lot better. I've been able to, like, restfully sleep and trying to go to bed at, like, a reasonable hour. And that's why I think, like, even audiobooks have been so fucking awesome. Because I will just, like, lay in bed. I set the sleep timer on Libby for 25 minutes. Yep. And I just lay there and I shut my eyes. And I always fall asleep before that shit ends. Oh, yeah. Because I, like, make a mental note of, like, the time frame I put my phone down. Like, okay, if I set that timer at, like, 4 hours into the book, I'm like, I'll just, like, listen to this around 4 hours again because that's probably going to be what I remember hearing. Yeah. And, like, this book that I'm reading now, it's called Labvona by Atesha Majfe. And if you don't know any of, like, Atesha Majfe's work, she does write a lot of, like, weird, like, sort of, like, gross things. Like, she mostly focuses on, like, kind of, like, the disgusting side of humanity, like, and, like, the imperfections of people. And she actually wrote this book beginning in lockdown during quarantine because she was, like, oh, it's, like, fascinating to me how somebody like Donald Trump, how somebody like all these, like, higher-ups get to choose, like, what us, like, peasants have to follow and the rules that we have to listen to. Like, kind of just, like, this dynamic of, like, society and, like, you know, government. So it's, like, the setting of the book is, like, this medieval, like, feistdom, what it's called. So it's, like, this village that there's, like, sheep herders, there's farmers, there's all these people. But, like, the mayor of the village, like, the lord, he, like, lives in such, like, lavishness while, like, the town is dealing with a plague. They're dealing with, like, famine and all of these, like, natural causes. And there's this, like, witch that lives in the woods. And it's pretty good so far. It is, like, gross. Like, there's some gross stuff. But, like, I think that it's just been such, like, a dynamic book so far that I'm, like, really enjoying kind of, like, almost, like, going to this village, like, before bed, you know, like. Oh, yeah. And I did finish A Court of Thorns and Roses, the first book. So I did start to listen to the second one. And that's another one where, like, it kind of takes you to a different place. It takes you to a fantasy realm. So I'm really enjoying, like, kind of listening to both books in tandem because they are, like, so different from one another. But, yeah, I just, like, audiobooks have really been so, like, pleasant for me so far. Like, I'm such an audiobook gal. I can't. I'm not a physical book girl. I love listening to an audiobook while I, like, make bracelets or, like, while I'm, like, brushing my teeth. I guess just, like, in a way, finishing a book, like, replaces, like, the serotonin that, like, getting a notification on social media would give me. So, like, it makes me not want to really go on my phone for, like, Instagram or things like that because, like, I'd rather, like, finish that audiobook. I'd rather have that gratification of, like, completing a whole, like, 15-hour book rather than, like, having, like, Instagram likes. Yes. No, I feel that. I had fallen out of physical books for a minute there because I think I read so many that I then was, like, okay, now I'm burnt out. But there's something about school and required reading that makes me want to read my fun books. And the book I'm reading right now, I believe it's called Hot Season, and it's actually my friend, like, a friend of my friend wrote it. And it's, like, it's, like, college-age, like, they're, like, active. They go to a school where there's, like, a lot of activism and, like, stuff about a pipeline and all this stuff. And I'm, like, I'm very into it because it's, like, I don't know. There's a lot of, like, pop culture media-type stuff these days that's, like, very much written from the perspective of people who see how terrible the world is and do absolutely nothing about it and want to feel better about themselves. And instead, this is totally written from the perspective of somebody who clearly knows stuff about community organizing. And so it's just, like, not cringy, which is nice. Because I hate when people, like, write books or songs that are, like, I'm so powerless. And I'm, like, you're literally a millionaire, go fuck yourself. Like, no, you're not. But, like, I know what you mean, too. Or just, like, also, like, not romanticizing, like, the, like, oh, we met at a protest and now we're in love. It's, like, you know. Yeah, I think I'd take it. But only if it's not cringy. I was going to say, only if it's, like, has some sort of, like, seriousness to it and it's not cringe. But, yeah, no, I get that. I'm glad you're enjoying your book. I'm glad that we both have, like, fun books to enjoy right now. It's been very good. It's the reading season, you know. Sleepy girl rot reader season. I don't know. We said that if you're rotting, you're not reading. Did we say that? I think we did. We said we're not reading our books, we're just going on Instagram reels. True. Okay, but here's the thing. Instagram reels have not been hitting for me lately because they are all, like, gym rat stuff. Because I will save workout videos. So, like, if I save a workout video because it's, like, oh, easy dumbbell workouts to do at the gym. I'm, like, okay, I'll save this and I'll look at it later. Well, now my entire thing is, like, bodybuilding. And I'm, like, I want to get ripped, but I'm not looking to, like, look like these men that do these shows, you know. So, like, Instagram reels, like, don't hit for me, but, like, my girl is always going to be YouTube shorts. I'm always going to eat a buffet of YouTube shorts. I ate Instagram reels for lunch yesterday. My lunch break and I watched Instagram reels for 35 minutes before I thought maybe I should make food. Holy shit. No, like, I mean, I guess because it's, like, you know, whatever is tailored to you. But, yeah, YouTube shorts because it's, like, some girl that has her life together. And she's, like, my morning routine before work. It's about, like, 5 o'clock in the morning. She'll make, like, a good breakfast for herself. She goes to the gym, comes home, takes a shower, does a full makeup routine, and then sits there to start work. I like 9 o'clock. And I'm, like, girl, the time management, the executive function, like, you are slaying harder than, like, anybody right now. I'm envious. I'm envious of this. Like, I roll out of bed and I give myself, like, two hours to get ready. And I use up every second. And I have no idea where it even goes. Because by the end of those two hours, I'm, like, half ready. I'm, like, half done. No, I deleted Instagram Reels again because, I mean, Instagram. I wish. I wish you could turn off the Reels. Yeah, but, no, I had to delete it again because I was, like, when my depression is bad, like, I know that I'm going to keep wanting to do absolutely mindless stuff. And it's, like, what if you, like, did your homework? What if you did something productive? Also what I've been doing this week is just, like, continuously applying for jobs and things of that nature. I mean, I had so what's new is that, like, I didn't even know that this was a thing. It's, like, they call it, like, a one-way interview where you record yourself answering the questions that they send you. And you send that to the company. And they essentially, you know, interview people that way, which is fascinating to me because I didn't know that that was a thing. It's also this is a job I applied to on Indeed. And Indeed is, like, very dynamic when it comes to their job applications and stuff because you apply for a job and then you get an e-mail from that exact job that's, like, thank you for your application, whatever. And then Indeed will send you, like, testing, like, assessments that's, like, oh, this job that you're interested in, like, is, you know, digital marketing and stuff. So, like, they want you to take a digital marketing assessment. And you take the assessment. It's, like, 20 minutes long. It's, like, multiple choice questions and stuff. And, you know, the next step from there is, like, to do, like, a one-way interview. And it's all, like... Oh, God. The delivery driver is stuck in our driveway. His tires are spinning. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, fucking Christ. I hear that. Plot twist, he hits my room. Just an anxiety I'm feeling on behalf of this person right now. Oh, my God. God, I hear his tires. I just hate that his front wheels are pointed towards my bedroom right now. Okay, now he's turning them back the other way. That would be great. What delivery driver is it? It's no plate. I mean, not no plate. No stickers? Yeah, it's just a white van. Why the fuck are people having to work in this shit? This is a Saturday. We cleared our front walkway, but, you know, what are we going to do, plow our whole fucking driveway? No. Because we're not going anywhere. The mailman made it fine. This guy doesn't have chains. Especially for a delivery driver. You would think that they would have chains. I mean, I'm fucking disabled. My dad's not home. I feel awkward that I'm at the fucking front of the house with my window open. Or not window open, but my window open. Is he making any progress? I don't know. His door's open. I think he's trying to dig. I don't know if he has, like, a shovel or anything. Is your mom home? She's in bed. Oh, he's back in the car. I feel so bad. I can't do anything. Oh. Right. He backed up. Now he's going forward. Oh, my God. Oh, he keeps spinning. He can't. Oh, he's going. He's going. He's going. He's going. Oh, my God. I actually think, well, I think the problem might have been, so my dad, when he shoveled, he also shoveled straight out from the walkway all the way across the driveway. So I think his back tires were stopped in the part that was clear. So it's like he couldn't get over the hump. Like, the back tires couldn't get over the hump of the ice and snow to keep going. Right. Versus if he had just stopped on the snow, he probably would have. Yeah. No, because there's, like, a little divot. Yeah, exactly. And I think he was stuck in the divot. Wow, that was, whew, all that for my fucking old Navy order. I'm going to hell. It's not my fault. I don't want these people to work in these conditions. Oh, my God. Whew. Anyway, you were talking about the sophistication of applications. Yeah, so on Indeed, you know, they send you these assessments to apply for it or, like, to fill out. You fill out the assessment. And then you, like, the one job that was, like, oh, just do a one-way interview. And I did that. And then I guess I'm just, like, waiting to hear back, like, whether or not, you know, what my follow-up is. There was two jobs that I applied for on LinkedIn that I heard back from and I got denied, which is fine. At least I heard back. And, yeah, I mean, I love buffing up my LinkedIn. I love, like, applying for jobs. I love just looking at jobs. I love just, like, everything. I made a Rover account for dog sitting, so that's getting reviewed because they've written, like, a background check on you and everything to make sure you're, like, a normal and sane person. So, yeah, I mean, otherwise, you know, I'm kind of, like, on the fence of, like, if I don't have a job by mid-February, then I'm just going to apply for somewhere around here and, like, work in person, essentially, at, like, a retail store or something. Because, like, I don't really like to go this long without a job. I don't want to blow through my savings either because, like, if I'm really only working – if I'm only really, like, looking for jobs to apply for and work until August, then I just would rather be working somewhere. I can always apply for other – like, as I'm working at other jobs. Exactly. You know? But, like, I just think that I – I just want to work. Like, I just want to be able to have, like, some consistent flow of income. And you could probably – honestly, so many places, I feel like, are hiring right now that I feel like you could even be somewhat picky about, like, what type of retail – Oh, yeah. Like, you don't know the bottom of the – do you – how close is your nearest Costco? They pay good. I'm pretty close to Costco. There's one in my town. You should really think about Costco. I wonder what department I could work in because I can't really – I want to sit. What? No, okay. That's another thing because, again, we talk about this with a bunch of jobs. I hate that, like, they don't let – a lot of places don't let cashiers sit down. I think that's absurd. I hate – It's absurd. The fact that cashier jobs aren't accessible, I don't understand why. I don't get it. is literally make one accessible aisle and suddenly a disabled – like, checkout stand and suddenly a disabled person could work. The fact that – I mean, this is very relevant. Today's episode, we're going to be talking about, like, money and financial stuff. But I say as if we're not 40 minutes – like, 40 minutes into recording. But listen, girls are going to talk. Also, I'm probably going to edit the entire thing about the driveway and the man in the driveway stuff. I think it's funny. I think it's entertaining. I think it's suspenseful. We'll see. Anyway, but yeah, I think this is very relevant to today's topic of money and financial stuff just in terms of the lack of options for disabled people to even build the experience necessary for the jobs that are accessible to us. I think we have talked about this in our work episode before. But it's just, like, the fact that, like, as a disabled person, for the most part, you can't just go out and get a job because, like, entry-level jobs are manual labor and they don't let you sit down and all this stuff. Well, right, because I'm, like, I'm not going to be able to stop shelves. Like, I'm not going to be able to lift boxes. Like, I did that when I worked in a retail job and it wore me the fuck out. And, like, I know that nowadays I still can't really do that work anymore. So I don't, like, want to do that. But that's, like, what a lot of places do. Like, you can't just be a cashier. You're a cashier and you're stocking shelves. You're a cashier and you're running back and forth to get people shit. Like, I don't know. I think that, like, a lot of jobs like that, it's, like, that one job is also three other jobs. And it's, like, it feels – and that's why, like, I'm going to be picky because, like, it has to be worth it for me. And I also have to, like, fucking feel okay doing it. Because then I run into the same issues of, like, oh, if I don't feel well, then I'm not going to go to work that day. Because if I go to work, then I'm going to be doing all this, like, heavy lifting and shit that I can't do. Yeah. And, you know, that's why, like, remote jobs and working from home stuff would be so ideal. But also, like, if I'm not finding that and I'm also not, like, you know, I want to make sure I'm getting, like, compensated enough, period. So, like, if I'm not finding that stuff, it's like I've got to kind of figure out where else – you know, what places would be better off hiring me. And it's most likely stuff that's in person. And especially if I know someone that works there or, like, if I've been somewhere enough and I feel like they know me, like, I'd rather do that than kind of just, like, keep waiting around to find jobs. Yeah. I feel like there might be some remote, like, customer service type stuff, which would be, like, you know, the bane of existence. But I have friends who I think have done, like, as long as you have customer service experience, which you do, like, they've, you know, taken, like, bank jobs and stuff like that where it's, like, you know. Right. And that's, like, what I've been looking at, too. Like, I've been applying for stuff like that. That's, like, the job I had the one-way interview for. So I'm hoping that I at least hear back from that. Because, like, doing the math and stuff, like – and I honestly think that even with a job like that I'd kind of try to negotiate a little bit of a higher, like, hourly pay because of how many years I've had with customer service. But also the thing is, too, a lot of those jobs are contract jobs. And it's because, like, this one in particular, it's contract – you get paid an hourly wage for a few weeks. And then after that you have a meeting and you negotiate, like, a commission rate. Which I'm, like, oh, I hate that because now it's not consistent. Now it's not consistent income. It's, like, if you have X amount of clients one week and X the next week, then it's different payments. But – I hate that. Also, if you like the show, be sure to follow and rate it on whatever platform you're streaming this on, too, to help us reach more people. Because, you know, we're on every platform imaginable, really. And if we're not, just tell us. Tell us and we'll get on. Put it out there. But rating and everything like that is so helpful for us and we really appreciate it. So thank you, guys. Rate it five stars, of course. Don't, like, go on there and rate us. Like, you go on and you're like, yeah, I'll give you guys a rating and you give us, like, three stars. One star. And you're like, it's fine. It's fine. Yeah, don't rate him if you hate it. Good slogan. Good. Tote bags. I was going to say. We have a lot of tote bag ideas. If he listens, it's his fault. If he listens, it's his fault. Rock Girl season. Tote bag ideas are amazing. Which is so relevant because we're talking about merch and we literally, so the original, I mean, we've had a lot of different, like, financial topics that we've wanted to talk about. But one of them is this concept of being part of, like, the monetization generation where we feel like, like, hobbies are things that we can do. And so then, like, as disabled people, like, you know, hobbies, like, you know, podcasting, crafting, all this stuff. It's like these are things that we are capable of doing. They're on our own time and, you know, schedule and all of that. So it's like then it feels like there's pressure to monetize them, especially since we struggle to do traditional work. But then it's like turning your hobby into a job is a lot of work. But it's also just, like, even generally, like, looking around at our generation, like, both disabled and not. It's like, you know, people, like, have a job and then they're like, well, let me also be a content creator talking about my job and then make money doing it. It's, like, really just fascinating or it's just, I don't know. Yeah. No, because, I mean, like, I saw something today that was, like, Gen Z-ers have most people, like, that consider themselves Gen Z have two jobs. They have a consistent job, like a full-time job, and they also have, like, a side hustle. And, like, and it's, like, people are like, oh, why do they work so much? And it's, like, well, because things are a lot more expensive in our 20s right now than it was, you know, when, like, our parents were in our 20s. So, like, a lot of Gen Z-ers have multiple jobs because the fact that you can't really make a full-time income doing something else. And not to say that, like, other people can't, like, millennials and stuff, but I think with Gen Z it's particularly harder. It's, like, most of us started working, like, in the pandemic age where, like, a lot of people were working from home or, like, there's a lot of stipulations on jobs. So now it's, like, you're, like, okay, well, I also, like, I need to make money. And it seems like doing stuff in person, you know, is, you know, we're capable of it. But also, like, doing stuff online, like you said, content creation or any remote work really, like, can also be something you could do from home in your spare time. It's, like, you have to utilize all of your time to, like, break even somehow, like, you know, financially too. Yeah, it just feels like, I think, too, because it's, like, with stuff like podcasts and content creation, you're, like, it's so easy for it to start out as a hobby and then be, like, but it is a hobby that's a lot of work. I want to be getting compensated, you know. And it's, like, I do think, too, it's, like, with stuff you're putting out into the world, you are providing a service in that way if you're putting it out into the world. Right. But it's, like, at the same time, like, it just sucks that we're even in a position where it feels like everything needs to make money just because, like you said, it's fucking expensive to live and that's... Like, anything is a job. Like, it's, like, anything that could potentially make money, it's, like, you feel pressure to go after it because... Yeah, you want to make it worth your time. I mean, even I felt that, like, so early on without even really knowing it because in my early 20s, like, you know, I'm 26 now. But I started, like, Instagram accounts where I talk about skincare. I talk about plants. I talk about, you know, now I have one with a business. And I remember, like, following influencers and felt very pressured to be, like, oh, like, I need to be posting all the time just so I can gain followers and gain attention from different brands and also, like, you know, make money off this, get friends, get sent free products. And then it's, like, okay, well, then you lose the fun because now you're not posting skincare reviews of stuff that you like. It's, like, you're posting shit that you want the attention from. Like, even with the plant Instagram account that I had, like, I'd be posting stuff. And then one day, like, the Miracle-Gro Instagram account followed me. And I was, like, oh, my God, I should ask them for stuff. And it's, like, no. Like, no, you're just creating this shit with the plants and you're, like, to post because that's just what you like to do. Like, not everything needs to be monetized and everything needs to be, like, you don't have to, like, sell out, you know, to, like... I was going to say, I think the worst part about the way that content creation is monetized is all it is is advertising. Yeah. I'm, like, when you think of it that way, it just doesn't hit the same. And I don't, obviously, I don't judge anyone who does it because, you know, all the podcasts and YouTube shows and all of that that I watch that, you know, that's literally how they have to make money so they can do this. And I can enjoy it. And I really love that. But, yeah, I mean, I just, yeah. And even just, like, the, you know, because it falls under, like, the entertainment category. Like, the entertainment industry, a lot of the stuff with, like, content creation because, like, you know, some of it is seen as, like, an art and stuff like that. And I feel like it's just something where, like, you know, it's the same thing of, like, people that are, like, oh, like, actors and all these people that work in movies, like, want to get paid more money. Like, you know, what do they even do? And it's, like, well, you're the one watching a movie every night before you go to bed. Like, you know, it's, like, an industry where people aren't really paid a lot for their time. And you're all really seeing that where, you know, like, we all just want to be paid for our time. And, like, we all just kind of want to make a living doing something that we love, especially if people go from working a full-time job to then doing stuff like content creation full-time. Where you're making more money than you ever did, but it's also, like, okay, what happens when that's not the next thing anymore, you know? But also there's so much pressure because it's, like, you know, when I went viral on TikTok, if you go from having 100 followers on TikTok to suddenly you have tens of thousands, like, the way that you can build an online audience nowadays and how many people can be content, like, it seems limitless in terms of how many people can be content creators. And it's, like, that pressure if you do have a viral moment, if you do start to gain a following, it's, like, well, let me – I should pursue this. I should – and it's, like, ugh, that's not what I want. Like, I don't know. Yeah. No, I even get that, too, because, like, with having a small business and posting on Instagram and stuff, I feel this immense pressure to be a content creator, to not only sell my products but to sell myself so people buy stuff from me. Yeah. And there's, like, small businesses that are, like, yeah, like, you can't just get away with just posting your craft now. You need to post yourself. And I'm, like, okay, well, what if I don't want to do that? Like, what if I don't want to record myself every second of the day to post on Instagram for people? Like, I just want to be able to make art. It's, like, having to be an influencer for your own business, like, to advertise your own business. Right. Exactly. And, like, I – and I hate it because there's some times where I just don't – like, it makes me not want to post, which – because I'm not posting. My, like, followers go down or my reach goes down. And then it's, like, it's going to take me months to build that back up to a point where it's, like, sustainable again. But it's also, like, a nightmare because I don't want to be posting every second of the day. I don't want to feel, like, this immense pressure to be posting all the time. No, exactly. And, I mean, I think that's – I don't know. I just think, like, you know, like we were talking about earlier with just, like – I don't know how hard it is to get jobs that will – that are accessible to us, that will support us. Like, support a living, you know, that type of stuff. But, yeah, and I think there's kind of – you know, we're in this time where it is so expensive to live. And at the same time, like, I don't know how you feel about this, but, like, for me, like, I have really no concept of, like, when I graduate, like, what salary level I should be looking at that will actually support me in moving out and stuff. Because I have no concept. Like, because money is such, like, a thing people don't talk about, like, personal finances and stuff, like, they're not just throwing numbers around with each other transparently. I have no idea. Like, you know, my friends who, like, have apartments, I'm like, how much do you pay for rent? How much money do you make per month? Like, these are the questions I literally want to know. Like, what are your expenses? Because, you know, it's like there's always the, like – I feel like the occasional, like, personal finance lesson that would come up in, like, math class or whatever that's like, you should never be paying more than a third of your income in rent. And I'm like, okay, but isn't everyone now? Like, or are they? You know, like, I'm just, like, I don't know what to look for in that regard, both from the salary perspective and from, like, the how much rent can I, like, actually afford. Because when you go to a rent calculator, it's like this is how much is safe, this is your max. And I'm like, yeah, but what do people actually pay? You know, like – Yeah. Because it's one thing to be idealistic about it, but I just, like, I have no frame of reference for how much money the average adult makes and spends because I just don't have, like, transparent examples around me. Because it's like my parents are a horrible example because it's like they have a house and a mortgage. You know, it's like that's not – And they're not the same age as you. No, like, it's not something that makes sense for comparison. It's, like, it just – so I just have no frame of reference. And I'm just like, okay, well, I need to, like, know what, you know, salary level to be looking for, to be asking for, you know, when I graduate. So that way I know, like, how much, like, I'm going to need to move out. And plus being disabled is more expensive. And so it's like I have to factor that in, too. And so it's – yeah. No, I mean, you're 100% right because, like, I have friends that have full-time jobs that are no longer in, like, the entry-level position of their careers. They are very, like, mid-to-senior level, honestly. And when they say how much money they get a year, it blows me away. And then I'm like, okay, realistically, it's, like, $52,000 a year. That's not – like, that's not a lot of money. But, like, to me, somebody who – To us, it's so much money. Who has, like – who's only worked, like, minimum wage, part-time jobs and things like that. Yep. That's so much money to me. You're telling me you get paid $5,000 a month. What? Right. You know, in New Jersey, I feel like the median rent for apartments is around $2,000 a month. To me, that seems like a lot of money, but most people are getting paid, like, more than double that a month. So I'm like, oh, well, that's comfortable. You're fine. But, like, that's not including, like, you know, utilities most of the time if you have to pay for a parking spot. That's not including, like, groceries. I mean, obviously, we know a huge chunk of people's monthly payments are student loans. For some people, the minimum is $500 a month, if not more. And other factors of, like, car insurance, like, travel money, anything to go anywhere. Like, God forbid, you have to buy a new pair of shoes. Internet. You have to buy a new jacket. Yeah, there's internet you pay for. You know, wanting money to put aside for savings. Like, right now, as someone that's, like, kind of primarily living off their savings in a way, it almost, like, makes me anxious to spend any of that money because I'm like, it took me a while to build this cushion that I'm, like, if I start spending it, how much longer will it take me to build this again? And, like, because of the same reason of, like, not having, like, you know, full-time work where I'm, like, I get paid a consistent amount of money every couple weeks. So I'm like, okay, like, this money from this paycheck can go into my savings and things like that. It's almost like I just don't really know how to, like, it's like it makes it hard to budget. And I feel like I live in this, like, this, like, living paycheck to paycheck or, like, living in such, like, strict terms for myself that's almost like causing me a lot of anxiety and stress because I don't, like, money worries are such, like, a, like, not like a, I guess I would say, like, a big thing, but it's because it's something that, like, you know, it's something new to me. It's, like, something I'm comfortable. Like, oh, my God, like, you're telling me, like, if I had to put new tires on my car, it could be, like, hundreds of dollars. And it's, like, what am I supposed to do? Like, and it's, like, very nerve wracking and it's very anxious. Like, it causes me to be very anxious. Yeah. And even, like, we've talked about this before, like, you and I, just, like, the concept of, like, credit cards and both of us being very new to the credit card field. Like, we both got credit cards, like, late last year. It's almost just, like, oh, my God, building credit. Like, it's a lot easier than I thought it was. But also, like, we're very much, like, teaching ourselves as we go. And I feel like even most people got credit cards when they were, like, 18, 19 years old when they first started college. So us being, like, in our mid-20s getting credit cards now, it's, like, I feel so late to the game. Because, like, my credit limit per month is, like, around $2,000. Same. But I know more of my friends, it's, like, oh, mine's, like, 20 grand. Yeah. Because this is, like, their third credit card or they've had a really good relationship with the bank that they're working with so they know. Or, again, like, you know, they make a lot more money than we do so they can have, like, those high credit limits and everything. And my credit card is, like, I just get 2% cash back on every purchase that I use on the card. I don't, like, gain points or anything. But, you know, that's another thing where I'm, like, you know, because some people are, like, oh, like, credit points. You could be used towards, like, flights. You could be used towards hotels. You could be used towards travel. And I'm, like, okay, am I wrong? Like, did I get the wrong credit card? Did I get something wrong to start with? And it's, like, I just, like, get so, like, I'm, like, oh, my God, like, I just don't know where to go. Like, and it's hard to find, like, reliable information even too or just information that, like, is easily attainable and, like, you can understand. Because, again, like, not having consistent income or consistent work, it's, like, all right, well, I can't, like, like, I don't want a credit card that has a high interest month, high interest rate every month because I'm not – I don't have the consistent income to be paying off this credit card that much every month to prevent me from getting hit with the interest rate. Yeah, no, exactly. That is the problem is financial literacy stuff online is either marketing- Right. Or it's tailored to able-bodied people who are working. And it's, like, go get extra – you know, go do this. Go do that. Own a property. Oh, yeah. And they just are not in the same situation as us at all. You know, I don't think we have much to worry about right now in terms of, like, you know, from what I understand, we just, you know, stick with our – you know, be consistent with our same credit card for a while. And then mine's a student card. And so when I graduate, it'll automatically turn into, like, just a normal one. And then, I don't know, I did recently switch to a credit union because I realized it's, like, I do have quite a bit of savings from being basically paid to go to school because I have so much financial aid and scholarships. And – which, thank God, because if I'm going to have to pay for 12 credits, it's theoretically out of pocket because I've already been paid for the term. It's, like – I'm, like, oh, shit. That's, like, going to be a good chunk of change for 12 credits. And so – but it's, like, you know, I just had – I was at KeyBank before. It was just normal, generic, same checking and savings account I've had since I was, like, 18. Like, you know, just absolutely you make no interest on your savings, absolutely nothing like that. And so I finally, yeah, decided, okay, I need to switch to a credit union because why am I not – like, I have all this savings that is making no interest on it. It should absolutely be making interest. So now I'm going to be making, like – I haven't had a – I haven't been there a full month yet to know exactly how much I'm going to be getting per month off my savings, but it's, like, over $50. Like, it's – the fact that I could have been doing this for so much – I'm, like, damn. Like, the free money is gone. Like, devastating. It's funny to think about that because, like, I would think about, like, you know, even in the sense of, like, oh, when I have, like, a job, investing into, like – it's, like, I want – you know, I'm, like, oh, a credit union or, like, a Roth IRA and, like, investing money into it and, like, you know, trying to, like, put money aside. And that's even in the sense of being, like, oh, so when my retirement fund's, like, really big. Just more of, like, I like to have something that, like, makes me feel like I have control of my future, especially financially. Because even, like you said, like, I do have a bit of, like, money – you know, good money in my savings, too. So I'm, like, oh, like, it'd be nice to, like, gain interest off that money that's sitting there because I've had a bank account since 2012 because I've had it before. Like, that's, like, when I first started working. So it's, like, you know, you need a bank account to deposit your checks into. That I'm kind of, like, okay, like, I should look up, like, what's the next step of doing this? Like, what's another thing to help me, like, gain interest on the money that's in my account? And also just, like, I think it's just, like – it's something to do with just, like, maturity and, like, adulting. Like, that it's very, like, oh, look at me for, like, doing this. Like, look at me for being able to set myself up in this way. Which I will say, there's a lot of people our age who – because when I've talked to my friends who are, like, double my age kind of thing, like, they're, like – I mean, the best financial advice is just make sure you know what's coming in and going out. And I'm, like, are you telling me there's people – but I know there's people who don't pay attention and don't even think that far. I open my bank account app, like, three times a day. I just, like – I, you know, I've got my spreadsheets of tracking stuff and making sure I know how I'm spending my money and, like, trying to be thoughtful about it and stuff like that. But it's kind of like, okay, like, I think, you know, I can't have too high of hopes for just, you know, yeah, being Gen Z, cost of living, like, everything. Like, I can't have too high of hopes for what's financially possible, but I'm just kind of, like, all things considered, I feel like I'm doing everything I should now. But, you know, like you said, we had to teach ourselves these things, and we're still kind of learning as we go, and I don't know. It's – it just all feels – it's – it is, yeah, like, adulting stuff. Hashtag adulting. Hashtag stop buying your avocado toast. Hashtag that $5 coffee a week is causing you to be in debt. Yes. 100%. Oh, my God. But I want to talk more about this concept of crip tax, which on social media is often used as literally, like, hashtag crip tax. And it's people sharing things that basically are things that, like, disabled people have to pay for that, like, non-disabled people wouldn't in the same way. Do you want to share some examples of things? Yeah. So one of the more recent crip taxes that I've been paying is, like, when I would get, like, my frequent styes and having to buy new makeup to replace, you know, what I had to throw out. Because, like, you know, when you get a stye, if I, like, you know, the mascara I'm wearing right now, if I were to get a stye tomorrow, I would throw out this mascara because it has touched, like, a possibly infected, like, follicle on my eyelash, so I had to throw it out. And that was something where, like, I would, like – I'm, like, I'm not going to buy mascaras until, like, this is gone because I'm buying these, like, 50 – even the drugs for mascaras, like, are, like, $15. Oh, yeah. Like, if I buy mascaras, use it, two days later I get a stye, all right, well, now I got to throw out that mascara because it's tainted now. And it's the same thing with any eye makeup or having to, like, routinely clean my makeup brushes because of that reason, you know, getting styes. And I know it doesn't sound like a big deal to most people, but, like, dude, imagine, like, buying a $25, like, you know, nice Marc Jacobs Sephora mascara that you treated yourself to and having to throw that away before it's even, like, close to expiring. That sucks. And also, you were getting styes a lot. All the fucking time. I'm not even kidding. I would get a stye, like, every two weeks. Yeah. And it's not, like, a little stye. No. It would make my eyelids swollen. Yeah. And it was, like, disgusting. And it was just, like, very irritating. Honestly, what I kind of noticed that would get rid of my styes, or at least, like, not get rid of them, but I'm not getting them as frequently anymore is because I stopped curling my eyelashes. I felt like curling my eyelashes, for some reason, was causing me to open up to get styes. I wonder if it was causing, like, little, like, micro tears in my skin and that was causing me to get, like, infections. But ever since I stopped curling my eyelashes, I haven't gotten styes. So, interesting. But another thing, which is, this is obviously the shit that I deal with from having CF, is, like, having to replace nebulizers when they break or, like, when the filters inside them go bad. Like, recently, I was trying to take the tube that connects my neb cup to my nebulizer. It's just, like, a long plastic tube. I was trying to take that tube off. And when I took it off, it snapped the little piece that connects the tube to the nebulizer. So, I had to buy a new nebulizer. And, like, when I was a kid, nebulizers were not something that was easy to come by. You can go to drugstores now and buy one for, like, $30, $40. But when I was a kid, a nebulizer, you had to buy online, it was at least $100. So, like, my parents wanting, you know, when I was a kid, like, you know, if I go somewhere and I leave my nebulizer at a, you know, on vacation or something, it's like, well, now I can't get one. You have to pay for a new one. They're very expensive. So, when my nebulizer snapped, I was able to go to the drugstore to pick one up. But it was, like, you know, now that's $30 that I had to spend that I really didn't need to. I have to replace my nebulizer cups every six months. And the cups can be around, like, $10 per cup. So, it's, like, the cup consists of, you know, the cup itself and these, like, different attachments to help the medication turn from, like, liquid to, you know, vapor. But, like, sometimes if I lose, like, the mouthpiece or if I throw it out on accident, well, now that cup's useless no matter how long I've had it for. So, I have to buy a new one. And a lot of these places, too, is, like, you have to submit, like, a prescription to buy the nebulizer cups. So, like, I can't just – I mean, I'm sure I can go on Amazon and buy a bunch. But I also want to make sure they're, like, medical grade and that they're not, like, a single-use one. So, like, when I went to Disney in May, I left, like, two pieces of, like, two separate nebulizer cups in my hotel room on accident. So, I had to buy new cups because of that. And I also have – it's a – it's actually – it's the sterilizing machine I use to clean my net cups with. It's called a Wabi. It's actually a baby bottle sterilizer. Oh, okay. So, at least that's something where, like, you know, if I have to buy a new one, I can buy something like that from Target, Walmart, XYZ. But they're still expensive machines. The one that I have is at almost $100, $200. But what was kind of nice is the company I got it from, the Wabi company, did send me, like, a discount code because of having a disability and being able to use it for nebulizer cups. They sent me, like, $80 off, which I'm like, okay, thanks. Like, you didn't have to do that. But I appreciate it a lot. So, I still have that machine. But, like, that's something else where I'm kind of just, like, one day – like, I use this almost every single day for the past couple years. I wouldn't be surprised if it shits out on me, you know. The machine, like you said, they're baby bottle cleaners. Your baby, you know, you're using it longer than a baby would be on bottles. Exactly, yeah. Having to buy certain Tupperware that I only clean my med – like, my med cups in because after I do, like, my medication – you know, after I do my in-health medication in the morning, I take those cups apart. And then I soak them in hot, soapy water for, like, 20 minutes to kind of help, like, clean them out. And then I put them in the sterilizer. So, I'm like, I have to buy separate Tupperware for that, which I – the one day, my dad used the Tupperware to store pasta in. Oh, my gosh. And I was like, oh, my God, this is, like – this is my vomit bowl that nobody else should be touching, you know. I'm going to bring that up every episode now. I have to wear my vomit bowl. Make a bingo card and have my vomit bowl as a free space. So, you know, I use certain Tupperware only for my med cups and also, like, certain towels and things like that. Also, just the time it takes to clean everything and making sure that it's all clean. And there's also, like, specialty medication cups that I have that are for, like, certain antibiotics that you have to use, like, 70%, like, alcohol to clean them with. Or there are also those med cups I get sent when I order the medication through, like, my home care pharmacy. They send me a new cup to go with it. But otherwise, that cup itself is, like, $45. So if I have to buy a new one of them, if I, again, throw a piece out, it breaks, and I have to buy a new one, now that's almost $50. That's, like, right out the window. And the machine – because, like, you know, I have a nebulizer machine that I use for all my inhaled medications. But there's inhaled antibiotics that need a different machine. So the different machine is, like, you know, it is – I haven't had to buy a new one in a very long time, so I can't remember, like, what part – if all of it is covered by insurance or if it's not. Some of them are when it's, like, certain medications. But this one machine that I have is $800. So if I have to buy a new machine, impossible. And I also have this one machine that's called an IPV machine, which is, like, another nebulizer machine. But it does, like, percussion air to help, like, push air into your lungs to help break up mucus in your lungs. That's kind of what the percussion does. This machine I used for, I think, my entire, like, middle school and high school years. But one day it stopped working. And also the nebulizer cups for that machine were, like, fucking metal. They were crazy. One cup broke. And because it broke, I literally couldn't use the machine anymore because the tubing on it was so specific that the company stopped making it, which meant that the machine itself, this $1,000 machine, was practically useless. All because of, like, just one day dropping something on the ground. And the fact that, like, that seems to be, which this is a whole other thing, it seems to be a very common issue with, like, any of the breathing treatment industry is that because there's so many new machines and so many new methods and medications, they're constantly cycling out, like, new stuff, old stuff, new ideas, defunct ideas. Like, there's so many things that they're doing that you can be using this machine every day for five years. Well, now you want to get the same machine again because something breaks. You cannot find it. You cannot find anybody to service it, and you're completely done. So now it's like you have to buy a different machine or you've got to figure out something else. And a lot of the times, like, insurance won't cover new machines because they're like, well, you have that old one, don't you? It's like, okay, well, the old one doesn't work. Well, get it to work. And that's it. Like, you're, and now you're, like, fighting with people on the phone because of this. And it's absolutely crazy because it's something where, like, I'm like, dude, nobody talks about this. There's no places to find any information about this stuff. And these companies that you call to talk to are, like, less than helpful. So you're not even able to find an answer from anybody, and you're kind of just, like, stuck with this, like, broken shit now. Well, and I think, too, like, you made a good point earlier when you were talking about, like, the cleaning and all of that. It's just like, you know, the saying is time is money. It's like being disabled or chronically ill takes so much more time out of your everyday life just to do anything or the extra things you have to do. And so that's, like, a thing, or, like, you know, missing work for doctor's appointments or shit like that. Like, it just, it adds up. Or just the time and energy aspect, it just, that's, like, a whole other, like, don't even get me started. But just to rattle off some other things that cost money that other people probably don't have to think about, replacing and repairing mobility aids. My new scooter was $2,000. Whenever I have to get it serviced, I just, you know, when I got the lift in the van, that was, I believe that was $6,500. At the time I was on SSI, that was more than I make in a year on SSI. When I got pedal extensions to be able to drive, they were $300. When you get pedal extensions, they are specific to the pedals of the type of car you have. And I hadn't even thought about this before, but I saw another person with dwarfism posting about it. How do you test drive a fucking car if you don't have the pedal extensions for it? You simply, I don't know, I guess you don't. You just sit in it and go, well, I hope this will work. Like, I was like, holy shit, I had never even thought about that. Because, like, the car I drive is just the one we already had. And so, like, I didn't, it's not like I was choosing. And, like, God forbid you need to get a rental car. Oh, yeah, I don't even, like, I literally don't consider it. I hate the concept of, like, road trips. I have no choice to alternate driving. Like, I signed up on the carpool spreadsheet for work, which I don't think anyone lives in my area, so I probably won't be carpooling anyway. But it's like, I'm like, well, no, I have to drive because it's such a pain in the ass to take the pedal extensions on and off. Like, I have to be the one driving, which is my time, you know, energy, you know, and stuff. Other, you know, the tips on my crutches wear out. And I probably don't replace them as often as I should. I've been noticing lately that the Velcro on my leg braces are wearing out, which means I'm probably going to have to get set up with an orthotics provider for the first time since, like, being aged out of Shriners, where I could get it done for free. And although I am hoping that if I do connect with a new company that they can maybe help me figure out new shoes, too, because I'm sure they're used to dealing with people needing new shoes. I literally, my shoes are getting worn out, and I cannot find a single pair that fit. So what happened with the most recent brand that you tried? They weren't, they didn't work. They weren't deep enough. Oh, okay. I need wide, deep shoes that are kid size. It doesn't exist. You know, all these adaptive shoe companies exist now, and they're still not adaptive enough for my feet. And so that could end up being me shelling out a bunch of money. Because that's the thing, like, with mobility aids, with, I don't know about orthotics, again, outside of a Shriners setting where I was getting it all for free no matter what. But I don't know if they take insurance, because, like, scooter, no insurance. Like, you know, like, the van lift, no insurance. Like, they don't take insurance towards those things. So, yeah. Some other things, since I can't reach to tie my shoes, I had to get elastic shoelaces when my mom broke her leg and could no longer, like, help in the kitchen. I bought a separate microwave and toaster and stuff because she would just always microwave or toast things for me because I couldn't reach them, which it did make things more accessible to me. But we already had a microwave and toaster. I just couldn't reach them. Or, like, my separate counter that they're on and stuff. Being short, I have a million stools everywhere. Something that you and I have been talking about more recently, and I think we might have mentioned last episode, or maybe it was just when we're always talking about snacks, but, you know, pre-prepped food. Yeah. Because it's, like, the time and energy and sometimes physical strength and things needed to, like, prepare, like, produce or things like that. Like, sometimes you just can't do it, and it costs more money. Yeah. To buy, like, the pre-cut apples or pre-sliced this or, you know, meals that you can put in the microwave and stuff like that. Like, it adds up. It's so – it's such a difficult, like – it's hard to navigate, like, cooking for yourself in this, like, yeah, and still trying to, like, adhere to, like, your own accessibility. Exactly. And I know for you, you know, you've talked about it's, like, you know, you have to – you literally have nutritional needs related to your chronic illness. Right, yeah. You need nutrient-dense food, which usually is more expensive. And, like, I am very thankful that, like, there's – the one company that I order my, like – what do they call this? Like, my enzymes from – for, like, that I eat food with, you know, my six pills I take every meal. There's a lot of, like, nutritional support programs that they provide. They send me monthly supplements. Like, they send me monthly, like, vitamins to take, monthly probiotics, and monthly, like, protein shakes or, like, protein-dense, like, snacks, like protein bars. So the protein shakes is something that, like, I'm so thankful for because they're not meal-replacement shakes, but they're something that will hold me over in between now and then that, like, are made with, like, you know, grass-fed milk or, like, fruits and vegetables. They're, like, healthy, and it's, like, good companies. They're, like, organic, like, you know, organic ingredients that they use in these protein shakes. So I'm very thankful for that. But also that's something where, like, when I talk to one of the representatives, they're, like, oh, you only get that stuff if you're, like, on certain health insurance plans. Otherwise, like, you can't get it if you're on Medicaid because you're already getting help from the government. I'm, like, okay, well, that kind of sucks because, like, just because you're getting help from the government doesn't mean you have enough money to buy these, like, $20, like, vitamins every month or even just be able to reach your nutritional, like, needs. And, like, be somebody that has the ethic. Like, I have to eat so much fucking food to feel full. So, like, not only am I making one sandwich to take with me to work, I'm making two sandwiches half the time. Or I'm eating more food, which, like, you know, oh, if you buy, like, a box of these four burritos and you eat two a day, well, that box is gone by tomorrow. Like, it's a lot harder to kind of, like, figure out. And then, like, at some points I'm, like, not eating enough because I almost just get tired of being hungry that I'm, like, I'll make, like, one of my sandwiches or whatever. And then I'm, like, holy shit, like, I'm starving still. I'm almost, like, tired of eating at this point because I don't want to be eating all the food that I just bought. A lot of that food that I'm even talking about that is more nutrient-dense is a lot more expensive. Like, being able to buy food that has high protein or high fat content. Like, I was talking about, like, the Oatly oat milk last week. A carton of Oatly oat milk is, like, fucking $7 half the time. And I go through that in less than a week. Like, that's crazy. And, like, even, like, the yogurt. Like, thankfully, like, a cup of yogurt, like, if you buy, like, a Chobani yogurt, it's no more than, like, $2. But, like, if I eat, like, two of those a day, like, you know, and there's only a four-pack or a six-pack, like, it's just, it's so, it's so nuts. And, like, that's almost another thing, too, like, bringing it back to, like, not knowing how much things, like, not knowing how much, like, adults make. Is that, like, when I live on my own, I have, I'm not going to have really any concrete idea of how much money I'm going to be spending per month on groceries if my voracious diet does not calm down. Like, I'm going to be spending more than my monthly income, more than half of my monthly income on just food alone to, like, satiate my, like, dietary needs. And that's what pisses me off, that so many things are means-tested. And, I mean, I get it to some degree in that there's never enough funding put towards helping meet people's basic needs. But I'm, like, being disabled, being chronically ill is more expensive. And so even if you make enough money, it's, like, your cost of living is so much higher that it's, like, if it's, like, oh, well, these programs only exist to help the poorest of the poor people. It's, like, okay, I'm glad they're getting the help they need, but there needs to be wider, like, I just, ugh, so many means-testing bullshit. It's, like, if you need help, you need help. I don't know. Something else I think about, too, is, like, there are things that I wish I could just do myself. I would be happy to learn to do it myself, but I am not physically capable of changing my oil, of changing my windshield wipers, so I pay somebody else to fucking do it. And it pisses me off, because I'm, like, I would happily learn and do these things. Or, like, car washes, which I only go, like, twice a year anyway. Car washes are fun, though. Car washes are a treat. I'm, like, I could fucking wash the car myself, but I can't. Something with, when we started this, too, was, like, I know you said you literally want to get into sewing so you can tailor your own clothes. So I don't have to pay somebody else to do it. You don't have to pay somebody else to do it, because, like, you said, what is it, almost, like, $10 per article of clothing? Yep. And it's, like, imagine, you know, versus just some scissors and thread. And, you know, I already have a sewing machine. I already have the stuff I need. I just don't have the skill. But, again, that would be time and energy. But it's, like, I wouldn't be paying. It's so frustrating. It's so much. And, like, honestly, like, you know, I even thought about this before. We were talking about, like, time management with your illnesses. When my, like, doctors are, like, oh, you're one, you know, you're sick right now, so you're one inhaled antibiotic. You have to do it three times a day. It's, like, that's, like, a fucking half hour for each treatment. So, like, that's an hour and a half every day. That's not including cleaning the shit and making sure that it's ready for me to do the next day. Because who else is doing this? If I have to do my medication in an hour and my stuff's not clean, it's not just to miraculously get clean. I have to put it together. I have to do it. I think about, like, when I go places, like when I go to work or whatever, or if I'm meeting a friend somewhere, and, you know, we're meeting there, so we drove separately kind of thing. It pisses me off so bad that, like, able-bodied people can just get in the car and drive. I have to fucking stand there, wait for the, you know, robotic back door of the car to open, stand there and hold the button for my lift to come out, load my scooter, stand there and hold the button to load it back in, get my stool out of the back seat, put my crutch away, get in the car, pull my stool up into the car, readjust my seat because I have to slide it all the way back so I can fit the stool, like, across the steering wheel into the passenger seat. Meanwhile, at that point, my friends are, like, halfway home. Not literally, but it's like, I mean, it takes, you know, five to... If, like, if my scooter is, like, in the garage charging, like, I can't just... If it's not already in the car, I'm having to, like, take all that extra time just to... It's, like, usually if my scooter's already in the car when I'm leaving for work or whatever, like, then my stool, I don't put it back away in the car because I'm parked in the garage, so I just have it ready to go, I can just get up and go, but it's, like, anytime... And doing that shit in the fucking rain when other people can get out of the car and run to wherever they're going, and I can't, I just have to go... Or, like, I'll be going full speed on my scooter, but I can't go faster than that, like, it's just... Oh, my God, it's just so frustrating, and it's, like... That's why it's, like, when I tell people how early I leave to get to stuff, I'm, like, I have to factor in getting into the car to leave and getting out of the car when I get there and then getting to wherever I'm going and being on time. And that's how I feel with, like... For me, it's, like, almost, like, the getting ready before I leave my house because of doing my treatments in the morning and my medication and everything. And, like, I know, like, oh, yeah, I can put my medication together the night before and stuff, but even with doing that, like, you know, it still takes me 10 minutes to put my treatments together and then to clean everything. I don't clean everything afterwards all the time, especially if I'm in a rush, but, like, I like to make sure they're soaking in their water so this way it doesn't, like, the chemicals don't build up. But, like, I have to give myself two hours to get ready in the morning, and 45 minutes of that is literally sitting in my bed doing my treatments. Like, it's so different. And that's why people will be, like, oh, what are you doing in 10 minutes? Don't ask me to hang out right away, okay? If I don't have my plans for the day set up already, then, like, I can't be there because I just don't have the time or, like, I can't, you know, I can't be somewhere in a half hour after waking up. It's impossible. And I cannot believe we have not said the C word this whole episode, but as we have said before, capitalism is not set up for people with disabilities. It's set up to fucking eliminate us. And, you know, I just think about how often, like, you're having to, like, when you were, like, working and stuff, even though you didn't work very often, you were, like, still occasionally, like, sorry, I have a doctor's appointment that's going to wear me out, like, or I, you know, I'm sick. Like, it's, like, having to literally miss work because of your condition. Yeah, or it was just, like, doctor's appointments that, like, doctors would be like, oh, can you come in at 1 o'clock? Like, girl, yeah, this is your job, but what about my fucking job? Like, I can't pop into a doctor's appointment during fucking lunchtime. You think, oh, I wait a half hour in the office half the time before I even see anybody. Like, and I feel like that's just another thing, too, is, like, doctor's offices that are not open past 5 o'clock. Oh, my God. Like, you're eliminating, and that's why, like, you're literally eliminating the entire workforce by doing that. Like, you know, you're forcing us to take time off to go to the doctor and either use paid time off or, like, you know. Or go on a Saturday morning when everybody else is there, too. And I just generally think, like, schedules and stuff, like, I just think it's, like, like, if you were able to make your own schedule, you'd be able to give yourself more time in the morning knowing you have your treatments and stuff instead of having to get up extra early or whatever. Right. Everything is fake and not real. And disappointing. Oh, facts. Well, you all know what time it is. You know what time it is. It's pod don't post. Cassie, hit me with yours. Josh Hutcherson is my white boy of the month, knocking out Timothee Chalamet. Knocking out Willy Wonka. When I told Courtney that Timothee Chalamet might be my white boy of the month, she said, can we pick it? Can we pick it, everyone? And that's so valid. And so I'm so happy to say that somehow I went from her sending me Josh Hutcherson memes to the Josh Hutcherson celebrity crush. Like, what is that pipeline? I was not expecting to end up here, but now I'm like kicking my feet and giggling watching his interview. I love Josh Hutcherson. He is such a classic. Like, he's very underrated. I mean, when you said he's been our white boy of the month ever since we were 10, you're so right. British Terribithia, bitch. British Terribithia. Fucking The Thera, are you kidding me? The Hunger Games. I've never seen it, but it's okay. I haven't either. I think I saw the first one. Oh, okay. Josh Hutcherson was in the Five Nights at Freddy's movie. I almost have never seen it, too. Listen, I am very motivated by attractive people. He's good in that one because he's, like, grimy and sad. Like, because he plays this, like, depressed kid that, like, he was with his sister. His brother was kidnapped when he was a kid. Like, he's got, like, some good lore behind him. Yeah, no, he's a good one. And I love how, like, you know, the whole whistle meme of him, how he was just like, yeah, some kid just made a video. He's like, I don't really care. I'm not very online. Yeah, he's like, I don't care. Like, I think that that's amazing that he was just so, like, yeah, this is what the Internet likes this week. Okay. Like, he's like, I don't know. Also, when I texted you yesterday and I was like, he's 31, and you were like, Cassie, we're mid-20s. You act like you're, like, I really, to me, 31 sounds, like, fucking ancient. And I'm like, no, I'm actually old now. And that's not that old. Josh Hutcherson, when he first started acting, he was relatively young, like in Bridge to Terabithia. I don't know if that's his, like, first, like, work. But I feel like at that time, like, it doesn't surprise me that he's, like, what, five, six years older than him. Yeah. Because he said he was, like, 12 when Bridge to Terabithia came. Okay. Well, because, like, I mean, even Jennifer Lawrence, like, finding out that she's, like, 31, 32, like, surprised me, I guess, because I felt like she felt older to me. But I also know that, like, that's not just a household name. Right. Especially compared to somebody like Josh Hutcherson, who I feel like flies under the radar. And I feel like before his movies that have come out, you know, in the past couple months, he was kind of chilling. Yeah. He wasn't really doing too much, like, acting work. But, yeah, when you said he was 31, I was like, that's not even that old. So, like, it wasn't surprising me at all, because, like, 31, you're still a baby. I hear you. I see you. Meanwhile, for one episode, I said 40-year-old people. And you're like, oh, my God, my friends are 40. 40 is not old. 40 is not old, but 31 is. For me, here's the thing. When I have a celebrity crush, I'm Googling their age to figure out if we can be together. Like, I'm 15. I will do this the rest of my life, okay? I will be looking at their age. Is it acceptable for me to be in love with them? And I guess the answer is yes. Yeah. Like, 31 is so old. I'm only an adult teenager. I'm only just a little baby teenage adult. No, Cassie, you're fucking 25 going on 26. I don't have babies anymore. Yeah. Well, what's your pod dump post? My pod dump post is I'm glad that I don't have access to my Twitter circle anymore, because if I did, I would totally be shitposting when I'm depressed. Like, I'm 15. Like, when you're, like, in high school and you're upset and you're, like, friends are hanging out with each other, so you're, like, posted about, like, I'm sad, guys. Why does nobody care about me? Me being, like, 26 and doing that is actually cringe. It's not live your truth cringe. It's, like, Mariah, text your friends cringe. I'm glad I don't have access to Twitter because I would totally be posting like that when I'm upset because I sometimes resist the urge to do so. And Twitter circle felt so good to post on when you were, like, sad because only, like, 30 people saw it. Although then I started to feel guilty that those people had to see it. Oh, my God, right. Then I'm, like, oh, my God, this person that, like, I was friends with in high school and haven't talked to in 10 years but liked them enough to put them on my Twitter circle is reading about me being depressed. Sometimes I think about, like, making, like, yeah, like a Twitter spam account that's completely anonymous. Yeah. And I'm, like, for what? For what? Text your friends. Write in your journal, bitch. Yeah. Like, cry about it. Go cry about it. Go cry about it, literally. Well, that's a wrap on this week's episode. Be sure to follow the Cassie and Ryan Show wherever you listen to podcasts, at TCMSpod on Instagram, and look out for new episodes every Wednesday. Bye. Bye.