GMT20251207-161144_Recording

The podcast "She Her Day" features three individuals discussing their social identities and experiences with queer dating. One participant identifies as a black female-bodied individual and shares the challenges of being open about their identifiers. Another participant, a Southeast Asian Muslim lesbian woman, expresses the struggles of balancing her identities in different spaces. Lastly, a white genderqueer woman talks about her journey of self-acceptance as a bisexual individual and the complexities of dating. The conversations revolve around delayed dating experiences, societal pressures, and the importance of safety in embracing one's authentic self. Welcome to her, or wait, what is the, welcome to She Her Day, a podcast about three folks talking about all things from foundations. Okay, I'm going to talk this episode, so today we are just briefly discussing and describing our social identities and sharing our experience of queer dating with that identity. Would you like to go first? I can go first. Okay. Yeah. So let's see. I say I would identify myself as a black female-bodied individual. I have like a weird relationship with adding in my class there and adding in my ability because I feel like that's kind of private. I feel like we've grown to attest to being far too open with our identifiers and maybe it's just a me thing, but I feel like it puts me in way too much of a vulnerable space. But yeah, I mean, my experience with queer dating has been, I feel like similar to any other queer person where it's like you feel like you're moving later than everyone else. Like everyone gets the experience of like dating in high school or like figuring themselves out in high school and then in college, you probably find a more like serious partner to be with. And when you're queer, it kind of shifts and it's like you're dating more in college and then you're figuring that out for yourself. So that's really what my relationship to queerness has been like, which has just been like delayed experiences or like still feeling young and things that I still have to experience, you know? Yeah. Great. Yeah. I definitely relate to that, feeling like slow in particularly the dating department. I mean, I think part of that is I identify as a Southeast Asian, Muslim, lesbian, cisgendered woman. And like, I think my Muslim identity and my queer identity make things like a bit awkward because I feel so in between these spaces. Like I don't obviously like at home and like Muslim spaces, I don't feel safe and I don't feel like I can truly be myself. So I have a really complicated relationship with my family kind of because of that and like my culture and my religion and my country. But also in queer spaces, I don't know if this is your experience, but I feel like it's kind of like anti-religion. So I feel like a bad gay person for like wanting to connect with my Muslim identity. I mean, I think like because there's just so much conflict inside of me. It's been hard to like, yeah, it's been hard to date, particularly in my youth because I felt so trapped and embarrassed. So yeah, relating to what you said, Askaris, like I definitely agree with that. Yeah. All right. Y'all are both, for the first time, I love Askaris. And you're timely. You both have like three minutes. So I'm just going to. So this is Selena. I am a white bodied, I think, you know, on my gender journey, which I feel like my gender is yes and an awful, but gender queer woman is where we're landing at these moments. I'm able bodied. And class is funny. It's interesting. I wonder, like I grew up in a large dichotomy of class. Right now, I'd say I'm lower middle class. And there's some like amount of pride because I grew up working class and I got to at this lower middle class space. But it's funny in New York, especially in Columbia, where money and access and power just is a whole other game. But with my own queerness, it's been a long journey. I'm bisexual. And it was really confusing for me growing up because I understood it was fine to be to like males, like men. But I like the narrative I was kind of told or heard or. I don't know, some point in my feed was like, oh, if I'm into women, it's like just it's like an intention grab. Like I'm doing it for attention. It's not because I'm like secretly in love with my best friend. You know, and so I think it was very. Confusing for me for a long time. Until I kind of and it's it's still on this journey of like just accepting that like it's not being greedy. It's not an intention grab. I'm actually like an extremely private person or have been up until recently. years, I've been more open and out, very out, I guess. And so I feel like I didn't date. Women in high school or college, but I had these like situationships that were confusing and the longing in that like. You know, just like messy. Messiness of like, why am I feeling jealous about my best friend hanging out with somebody else and like all these like things that are hard to untangle and I feel very grateful. You know, I'm in my 30s now and I've been out for a few years and I've been with. My partner Aviva for four and a half years. And that's been like. So rad. It's been so nice. And I think something that's also. Within my fears like I'm also poly. So I feel like I'm actually able to really just tend to like my heart's desires in this way where I'm also dating a man while I'm also dating Aviva. And so I think that has been very allowing myself this space to explore and realizing like nothing about my life has fit the box that I felt like I fit into. But also knowing I have a ton of privilege of being one of those like Brooklyn queers that can be like. Being poly and queer and dating different people and having access to other people who think similarly and are done with that and not worrying about losing my job or losing my housing or losing my friends. I do feel like I have a lot of. Oh, I just had like a month's gratitude for that part. You're welcome. So opening up the floor. Nadia, I have a question for you, if that's OK. I'm curious if you've been really caring about your struggle around this with your faith and your connection to your faith and connection to yourself and. Your your like arrows, your desires, your sexuality, like. In your country and you're now in the United States, like do you do you feel like there has been do you feel like you're in this kind of like swirl? Do you feel like there's a movement for you on that? I think there has definitely been movement, I think, in my youth. And even when I first came to the US in twenty twenty one for undergrad, I like hated everything about my culture and my country and like my Asian identity. Like I hated it. I never existed in like Asian spaces or anything like that. I was like all my friends were white. So there's been growth in that department, like learning the beauty of the different parts of me that perhaps don't align so easily with white supremacy culture. And I think like holding space for the complexity of the human experience and like I can love my my family with their faults and like I don't think they're bad people. I think they love me so much and I love them so much that even if I'm pretty sure they would disown me if I ever came out, I think like I can hold space for both of these things. And I used to harbor so much anger because I felt so ashamed of so many different parts of myself. But now like, yeah, learning to accept the complexity of everything. If that makes sense. Yeah. I mean, it takes like a lot of fortitude to be able to like hold these big truths or seeming truths or like dynamics, I guess is more. Yeah, for sure. Like it's not clear cut. I still have so much to work out. I don't know. Like if I'll ever truly work it out and like feel 100 percent at peace with all these different things. But yeah, coming to social work school, understanding the importance of community and being in community, creating community, like inter-community work as well. I think that's been important for me, too, in that journey. I don't think mindful of not taking up the mic, but I have more questions that I want to ask you guys. What questions do you have? I have a question for you on like, you know, this like this very relatable concept of like the delayed dating and the delay due to like the societal pressures and norms and expectations and like literal danger of coming out as like queer in high school or middle school or whatever, you know, and where things kind of like lessen in this like college dynamic. Yeah, and there's like a thread here where we're talking about like comfort and coming into ourselves and with the dynamic. I'm curious for you how that's been. Like have you always been comfortable with yourself? It's interesting that we're talking about this because I think the basis of all of it is really just safety. And I can like think back to the first time I think it was like I was outed maybe. I had brought like a journal to school. I was in fourth grade and on the back of my journal was like a boy that I liked and like a heart and my name. And then the next page was a girl that I liked and a heart and a name. And I had someone, the journal was like, it had tons of patterns up in the front, like early 2000s, you know, I don't know, like all the colors and all the like weird patterns. And someone commented on it and picked it up. And it was like the mean girl in class. And then when she realized it was me or it was my book, she'd look through it. And then she saw the back page and she was like, why is Joseph, why like is Joseph's name here? But then why is like Selena's name here too? And like why are their hearts there? And she like asked that really loudly. And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. And immediately like afterwards, I think like, I don't know, at lunch or something, I had grabbed a glue stick and I stuck both of the pages together. And I was, I could, it felt like in that moment, I was brought to a surface where everyone around me was looking at me. And simultaneously, I saw judgment. Right. And I was thinking about my safety in that. And that's why I like glued the pages back together. But anyways, all that to say, I think that that's what breeds this like, the lack of movement almost, or like this like, resistance to like, feel so authentically you and feel okay with that. And realistically, like, our society isn't set up to hold us with regard to our safety. So as a queer, like a black individual or indigenous individual coming from POC background in this country, you immediately tie yourself to your family to find that kinship and community. Right. So then comes the question of, okay, like a don't ask, don't tell. Like, can I be myself in this space? Because I am very much authentically myself. And most people can like clock me. Most people can be like, oh, yeah, she's like some kind of queer. I don't know. But with my family, I don't change anything about that. But I'm not explicitly talking about people that I'm dating. But, you know, so, yeah, I think that's where it kind of changes. All right, y'all. That is 20 minutes. Thank you both for sharing. Thank you for sharing, too. Yeah. Thank you for the questions. Also, I think the other questions segued pretty well, honestly. Yeah. Logistics on it. I'm just going to keep recording all the way through and then figure out a place. But I do think we should intro the podcast. Each of us should, one of y'all should intro the podcast next. So that one will help be clear where to start it. So that way I'm not. And what question do we want to lead into? Do you want to do the queer affinity one? The queer family one? Affinity? Affinity, yeah. Let's do it. And then the last two questions can be about, like, chosen family and queer joy. Okay, great, great. Okay. I'm just going to put that in just a minute. Okay. Word. Whatever you want to start. Adia, do you want to start the podcast? If I introduce the question, do I also, like, answer first? Yeah. Okay, perfect. I don't even know if I have, like, a fleshed out answer for this, but. Do you want to introduce it and then I'll answer if you want to answer afterwards. If that's okay with you. Yeah, that's okay with me. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. It's okay. Okay. Hello, and welcome to the second episode of the She Hers A podcast. I'm Nadia. I am here with Lorena and Ascadis, and we are going to be answering the questions that a question on affinity groups. So we didn't have the opportunity to do a queer affinity group in class. What do we think the dynamics of that would have been like? And do you think it would or would not have supported more solidarity within the classroom? Okay, great. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.