Cartman Wants an iPad - SOUTH PARK

Okay, Wi-Fi plus 3G, 64 gig, this one, this one! Oh, sweetie, $900? I can't wait to see the look on Kyle's stupid face when he sees my iPad has more memory than his! Eric, we can't afford that one. Well, you don't expect me to get the Wi-Fi only 16 gig version, do you? I think we need to get you a different brand, hon. They're a little cheaper. Mom, everyone knows that everything but Apple is stupid! Here, look at this one. Toshiba Handibook. Toshiba Handibook? This says it does everything the iPad does at half the price. Mom, do not screw me over again! If I take that thing to school, everyone's gonna think I'm a poverty-stricken asshole! Eric, stop acting like a spoiled brat. You can either have the Toshiba Handibook, or you can have nothing at all. Oh, I've got a better idea. Why don't you go across the street and buy some condoms? Because we should at least be safe if you're gonna fuck me, Mom! Eric! You might as well go buy some cigarettes, too! Because I like to have a smoke after I get good and fucked! You wanna fuck me, Mom? Just say so! Go ahead, here! Huh? Go ahead, Mom, fuck me! Fuck me right here in the bed's back! You wanna fuck your son so bad? Go on, Mom, fuck me! Fuck me! Stop crying, Eric! I told you, if you kept acting up, you weren't getting anything! But I told you I was sorry! You made me look like some sort of child molester in front of all those people! I wasn't trying to get you in trouble! Then why did you go outside to a police officer and say, Help, help! My mom is trying to fuck me! Oh, wait! I get it now! The F-word is a no-no word, and I shouldn't say it around other people! I'm sorry, Mama! If you're really sorry, then you'll understand why you aren't getting anything! Well, no, that doesn't really have any logical sense, Mommy, because I'm already being punished by not getting the iPad! Mama, please, can we just go back and get the Toshiba handybook? No! Well, then, could we at least pull up here and get some dinner? Because I like to be wined and dined after I've been fucked! To be continued