6 Commandments for Living Authentically

On Reiki Body Minds Radio, the host talks about living authentically and shedding societal expectations. They discuss the importance of knowing oneself, embracing vulnerability, and living according to one's values. They also mention the six commandments of living authentically, including knowing oneself, not having regrets, embracing vulnerability, setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and cultivating genuine connections. The host emphasizes the significance of living authentically and not conforming to others' expectations. They encourage listeners to reflect on their core values, passions, and moments when they feel most like themselves. The host also shares the top regrets of dying people, highlighting the importance of living a life true to oneself. Hello, today on Reiki Body Minds Radio, we're starting with a quote, can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be? That's by Charles Bukowski. Kind of hits deep, right, especially if you're anything like a lot of the women I work with who come to the realization that for as long as they can remember, they've been identified or labeled as being someone for someone else. We carry these labels, so many labels, right? I'm a wife, I'm a mom, I'm a nurse, I'm a daughter, and with those labels come all these hats that we wear every day. But here's the thing, beneath all those labels and hats, there's a real you, a unique, vibrant person with their own dreams, passions, and values. When was the last time you felt truly connected to that version of yourself? Or have you, like so many of us, lost sight of who you are in the noise and the expectations of the world? Today on Reiki Body Mind Radio, we're going to explore how to peel back those layers, how to shed the labels and reconnect with our authentic selves. We'll be diving into a powerful framework for living an authentic life, one that allows you to honor your true essence and put yourself first. This is about embracing vulnerability. It's about living to your values, expressing your true self, and cultivating genuine connections. Did I even introduce myself? Oh my God, I just went for it. I was so excited about the topic. I'm Lisa Kern, your host and guide for today. So if you've been feeling disconnected from yourself, overwhelmed by the roles that you play, or just yearning for a life that feels genuinely yours, listen up. We're going to break it down into practical, actionable steps that you can start implementing today. This episode is jam-packed with juicy goodness. It might be a little on the longer side, but whatever, it's worth it. You might want to take notes or even listen twice. Let's get started. First of all, you might be wondering, what does it even mean to live authentically? Living authentically means embracing who you truly are at your core without pretense, without trying to conform to societal expectations or from the desires of others. I think it's about being true to yourself, your values, your passions, your unique essence. When you live authentically, you're honoring your truth, your individual journey, and just your individuality in general. In a world where we're taught to just fit in and belong, this can feel risky. We're in a screen-obsessed world where everything's curated, everything's filtered, and most importantly, everything's freaking documented. We're trying to fit in. We're trying to be liked, and it's like we morph right back to those awkward middle school years where all we desperately wanted, more than anything else in the world, was to be accepted. Believe me, I'm witnessing this right now. I have a 13-year-old. The need to fit in, to be liked, to have all the cool things, it can feel like social suicide to be different. It can feel rebellious to take our guard down, to say what we actually feel versus what we think other people want to hear. It's showing up as your whole self, not just the shiny parts, not just the highlight reel that you feel okay with sharing. I'd like for you to consider what authenticity means to you. Are you living up to the expectations of somebody else? Are you trying to be what they want you to be? Or are you staying at a job that doesn't align with your true gifts, or perhaps even following the rules of a religion that doesn't fit your beliefs? On this podcast, I love to dive into topics that hopefully resonate with you and provide insights to help us move forward in our lives, just to be the best versions of who we came here to be. I don't want to just share knowledge. I want to give you actionable tips that you can use immediately in your everyday life. In this instance, tips didn't sound serious enough for this big, important topic, so I'm calling them commandments. Yes, you heard that right. Commandments of living a more authentic life. I've come up with six of them. Before we talk about the six commandments of living authentically, I just want to stress why it's so important to live this way. This is a really bold statement, but I'm going to say it. At some point, if you're not living a life that's true to you, aka living authentically, you're not going to experience that true happiness. Not to say that we need to be happy all the time, but that true, real, lasting happiness comes from you being 100% your authentic self. It's the true path to happiness because you're aligning your outside life, your external life, with your internal desires and values, who you are at your core. That's different than who somebody else is at their core. When we live out of alignment or inauthentically, we're going to feel disconnected. We're going to feel dissatisfied. We're going to feel lost, and we're going to have this yearning like there must be more to life. You know that feeling that something's off, right? You have low-grade, maybe, anxiety, or you get that voice in your head. You know these nudges. You know these nudges. Now that we've laid the groundwork, let's dive into some actionable steps to help you live a more authentic life. Here are your six commandments of living authentically. Number one, know thyself. This is the first and most crucial step in living an authentic life. You have to get to know yourself. That might sound overly basic. I'm talking about understanding your core values, what truly matters to you, what makes you feel alive. Knowing yourself is like having a roadmap for your life. It helps you navigate your choices, align your actions with your desires, and ultimately live a life that feels genuine and fulfilling. Let me give you an example. Think about a time in your life when you felt completely in sync with who you are. Maybe you were doing something you love. Maybe you were spending time with people who just lift you up, or simply having a quiet moment where everything just felt right. Commandments are golden because they reflect your true self. Reflect on these questions. What are your core values? What's the most important thing to you? Or if that's hard to think about, think about if something were taken away, what would you not want to live about that's sometimes easier to think about? Is it your family? Is it your compassion? Is it your creativity? Is it your freedom? I know that's one of my core values is freedom. Your values, those are like your internal compass. They help you stay true. Even when life gets challenging, you bring it back to your values. Another thing to think about, when do you feel most like yourself? Describe those moments. Who are you around? What are you doing? These are the times you're not putting on that mask. You're not trying to please anyone else. You're just being you. Maybe you get lost in a hobby. Maybe it's connecting with a loved one. Maybe it's just going for a walk with your dog. Another thing to think about, what passions or activities light you up? Think about what excites you. What can you not wait to do? These are clues to your authentic self, pointing you towards what you should pursue more of in your life. Knowing yourself means tuning into these aspects in your life and understanding them deeply. Recognizing your strengths and weaknesses. Acknowledging both your dreams and your fears. Embracing the whole imperfect you. Nobody's perfect. We're not striving for perfection. Just progress. When you know yourself, you make choices that resonate with your true self, rather than conforming to those external expectations. That's a lot, but that's only number one. Take some time to ponder those questions. Journal about them. Share them with a friend, your spouse, your whatever. Or just sit and quietly reflect. The better you know yourself, the easier it is to live authentically. And create a life that's yours. We get one life. One life. So don't live it for somebody else. Commandment number two. Thy must not have regrets. Okay, listen up. Bronnie Ware was an Australian nurse. She worked in palliative care hospice. So she spent her days caring for and counseling dying people in their final moments, their most vulnerable times. The regret and frustration she witnessed from her patients inspired her to write a blog, which later became a best-selling book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. The biggest regret she heard was, I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Okay? So in other words, they wished they had dared to be more authentic. We, I said it, I'm going to say it again because it's true, we only get one life. One. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. Well, I guess we get maybe more if you believe in reincarnation, but that's another episode. So for right now, we're here one time. Do you know what kind of miracle that is? Mel Robbins talks about this. I think it's in a TED Talk and probably on her podcast. The probability of you being born with your characteristics is one in 400 trillion. One in 400 trillion. Yes, that is a true statistic. The chances of your parents meeting, your ancestors' history, the egg and the sperm colliding, it's all a freaking miracle. So are you living your life like you are a miracle? Said differently, how would you start living if you only had four months to live? Would you still be making the choices that you're making? Would you still be bending over backwards to meet others' demands? Forcing yourself to fit into these crowds that you don't want to be in anyway? Or stuck in a career that you maybe didn't choose or you were 19 years old and forced to choose a major? It's okay. Or would you say, I'm a freaking miracle. My purpose isn't to hide or conform, but to experience my authentic life. And then go inspire others to do the same. The other just, you know, if you're curious, the other regrets of dying people in order were, I wish I hadn't worked so hard. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. I wish I let myself be happier. Those are big, huge regrets. Real people on their deathbed. So take a minute to reflect before we move on. Can you relate to that? How often do you prioritize work over family? How many times have you bit your tongue, held it in when you had something important to say? How many times did you push off your friends, assuming they're always going to be there because life gets in the way? It's not to shame yourself. It's just to bring awareness, right? We convince ourselves, oh, I'll be happy when. I'll be happy when I get that degree. I'll be happy when I finally buy the house. I'll be happy when X, Y, and Z. But be honest. How many hours are you wasting trying to please other people or chase the wrong goals when all that seems to matter in the end are these five things? We have a finite time here on earth. So let go of the regrets. That was number two. Commandment number two. Thy must not have regrets. Start living authentically now. Okay? Commandment number three. Thy must say, fuck no. Or hell no, if you're not into my profanity. Sorry. Thy must say no. Think about it. Does the thought of saying no to somebody make you uneasy? I know there's some people pleasers here. Do you find yourself constantly saying yes because you don't want to let somebody down? But who do you let down in the end? You let down yourself. And you're not alone. Many of us, so many of us, struggle with setting boundaries. One of my favorite tips, if it's not a hell yes, make it a hell no. This simple phrase has literally changed my life. It's been a game changer for me. It's about recognizing that your time, your energy, your well-being are valued. And it should be protected. So setting boundaries isn't about being selfish. It's not about being unkind. It's about honoring your needs and your values. When you constantly say yes to things that don't align with your true self, you end up feeling drained, resentful, and disconnected from what really matters to you. Here's how you can start setting boundaries or embrace the power of hell no. First, you have to just know what your priorities are, right? What's the most important thing in your life right now? And your priorities might change and shift, and that's fine. Is it your family? Is it your health? Is it your growing your business? When you're clear on your priorities, it becomes easier to say no to the things that don't support them. Another way, you have to listen to your gut. You know that gut feeling. I'm going to tell you all kinds of other things, but pay attention to your initial reaction when someone asks you to do something. If your gut says no, but your mouth says yes, you've got to reevaluate. Trust that inner voice. And then practice. Practice small. Practice saying no. Say no to something just minor. See how it feels. Gradually, it's like a muscle, a confidence muscle. You'll build the confidence to say no to bigger requests. No can be a complete sentence. It's not bitchy. It's not rude. People-pleasers think it's rude to say no, and then we want to over-explain why. You don't always have to provide an explanation. So just baby steps. Just say no if it's not a hell yes. And then stick to it. Respect yourself enough to know that setting a boundary is a form of self-respect. It shows that you value your own needs, and you're willing to protect them, and you're willing to put yourself first. Over time, that will get easier and easier. So just imagine how much more authentic and fulfilling your life would be if you said yes only to the things that lit you up. So next time you're faced with a request or an obligation, pause, check in with your body and your gut, and ask yourself, is this a hell yes? If not, give yourself permission to make it a hell no. Your authentic self will thank you for it. Commandment number four, trust thy inner guidance. We just talked a little bit about intuition, what that feels like in your body. Did you know you have a built-in GPS right in your body? You sure do, and it's called your intuition. Your intuition is a powerful tool that can help you navigate your path and make decisions that resonate with that authentic self that we're talking about. Trusting that inner guidance means listening to that quiet inner voice that, believe it or not, always seems to know what's best for you. This is the hard part. Even when it doesn't make logical sense, because your thinking mind is going to tell you something different. It's going to try to convince you. It's going to try to keep you safe, but your intuition lives in your gut. How do you build it? Again, first, it's knowing that you have it. It's the sense of knowing coming from a deeper place within you, your internal compass. It's always pointing you in the direction that's most aligned with who you truly are. I know you're thinking, I don't know, I don't know. I get intuition and fear confused. I've got you. I got you. I understand. I teach people all the time how to strengthen this muscle. The first thing you need to do, I'm probably going to say this literally every episode, is quiet the noise and meditate. We are busy. It can be so hard to make space. Meditation is sometimes like, oh, I don't do that. It's hard. Maybe it's a walk in nature or just sitting in silence or taking five deep breaths. It just creates the space for your inner voice to come through, because without space, you can't hear your intuition. I meditate for at least five to ten minutes every day and walk my dogs. I love to listen to podcasts and read or listen to audiobooks, but even that's clutter in your mind. Just having blank space in your day to reflect. If you jump right from the kids in the morning to work to Netflix to sleep, you don't have those opportunities to listen. First, quiet the noise. Second, pay attention to the feelings. How do you feel when you're making decisions? Does it make you feel expansive and excited, or does it make you feel contracted and uneasy? Your body knows the answer before your mind does, so just practice listening to what your body is doing. Next, stay open and curious. Trusting your intuition does not mean that you're never going to make mistakes. It's about just staying open to learning and being curious about where that inner guidance takes you. Sometimes what feels like a mess-up or a misstep is actually guiding you to a greater lesson or opportunity. Moving right along, commandment number five. Embrace vulnerability. One of the most common things I hear after someone reads my book, Confessions of a People Pleaser, is, you're so brave. And while I truly, really appreciate that sentiment, I'm just speaking honestly. It surprised me how many people found that remarkable, because I assumed everybody spoke their truth. But the more I shared my struggles in my real, unfiltered life, the more I realized that vulnerability is rare. Not everyone's comfortable with laying out their challenges and their truths. However, the incredible thing I discovered is that when you do, it creates this bridge of connection. Suddenly you're not just sharing your story, you're inviting others to share theirs. I promise you, promise you, we are not alone in our struggles. I started getting these heartfelt emails and messages from readers who said things like, thank you for sharing that story about your child. We're going through the exact same thing. Thanks for being honest about the struggles in your marriage. I feel the same, but I never tell anyone. And this is the power of embracing vulnerability. When we let our guard down, and when we speak from our hearts, we give other people permission to do the same. It's like we're saying, hey, it's okay to be human. I think we forget that sometimes. And that's when real connection happens. It's in those moments of honesty that we find our tribe. We find people who resonate with our story because they see a piece of it in themselves. So if you're on this journey to live an authentic life, think about starting with vulnerability. Share your truth, even if it feels a little bit scary. Talk about your challenges. Talk about your triumphs. Share your fears and your dreams. That yin-yang, right? There needs to be a balance. It's not all shiny. People don't want to just see the best parts of us. They want to see the human parts of us. Because when you do, when you share that, I promise you'll find that you're not alone. You'll find that others are walking the same path. And that together you can support and uplift each other. Embracing vulnerability, it's not about being brave all the time. It's about being real. It's about showing up as that true self and saying, this is me. This is me with all my imperfections and strengths. And in doing so, you'll inspire others to do the same. Lastly, in my six commandments, the sixth commandment is pursue thy passions. Pursuing your passions is like tuning into the frequency of your most authentic self. It's aligning your daily actions with what genuinely excites and inspires you. We talked a little bit about this in the beginning, but think about those times that you've been completely absorbed in something you love. Like painting, writing, dancing, cooking, or even just being in a deep conversation with a friend. Those moments of flow, you know, like when you're like, oh my God, I feel like I've been here for 20 minutes and it's three hours later. That's a flow state where time seems to disappear. That's a direct connection to your core essence. Like we need more of that in our lives. These are little indicators of what makes your soul turn on. And those are little breadcrumbs. When you follow your passions, those little breadcrumbs of joy, it's like a light bulb goes off. And your soul is like, oh, I remember this feeling. This is joy. I like this. I want to be doing more of this. But work keeps getting in the way. Or after work, I turn into a taxi driver for my kids. And yada, yada, yada with all the excuses of why we don't make time for ourselves. But pursuing your passion often leads to discovering your life's purpose. I'm going to say that again in case you missed it. Pursuing your passions often leads to discovering your life's purpose. For me, pursuing my passion meant leaving a really stable career as an occupational therapist to become a Reiki practitioner. That was a crazy leap of faith. And it just felt so wild. And not everybody understood it. But it allowed me to align my work with my passion for healing and helping others at a much deeper level that I just couldn't get from the hospital setting. The shift brought me immense personal satisfaction, but it also enabled me to lead a more authentic life, which then when I was feeling more authentic and aligned, that led me to travel and now led me to this podcast where I can talk about whatever I want and be spiritual and weird and interesting and hopefully inspire someone else to take those baby steps, follow those breadcrumbs on their healing journey. To conclude, living authentically is not just a one-time decision. It's a series of choices, and we make them every day. It's about giving yourself permission to be who you really are, even when it feels uncomfortable, even when it feels scary. Remember, your authenticity, that's your superpower. When you embrace it, you not only transform your own life, but again, you inspire other people to do the same. So here's your call to action. Take a minute today, reflect on one area of your life where you're not being completely true to yourself. What small step can you take to bring more authenticity into that part of your life? Maybe it's having an honest conversation. Maybe it's setting a boundary. Or taking time to reconnect with a passion. Whatever it is, commit to making that change today. Thank you.