Comics on Air XL

The speaker talks about sports and a radio show on 98.3 FM. They introduce their guest, Xavier Lamont, a former professional basketball player, and discuss their past experiences together. They then talk about how the speaker got started in stand-up comedy, mentioning their friendship with Craig Robinson and their initial reluctance to pursue comedy. They eventually decided to give it a try after realizing they had always enjoyed analyzing and editing comedy routines. The speaker also mentions a previous stand-up performance in 2000. sports they might get around the track we also might have some exciting golf to talk about where can you find great sports Saturday mornings 8 to 10 o'clock the only place is right here at 98.3 FM the light hey cats and kittens join me Grey Dolan on Sundays at noon for comics on air with Grey Dolan we're a couple fellow stand-up comics and I get together talk pop culture make a few jokes and make your Sunday scaries a little more of the Sunday funnies comics on air with Grey Dolan only here a 98.3 the life hello cats and kittens thank you for joining me for a mood swing but now we are making that jump into the wonderful happy land of stand-up comedy where everybody is well adjusted and we all have functioning relationships my adult supervision today is a friend of mine who I have been nagging to come on to this show since its inception he is a former professional basketball player he was just telling me about his football collegiate football career he is six foot seven a really good guy mr. Xavier Lamont hey what's happening I like that intro I just told the world that I'm a giant and and I brag about myself so tell me really quick so we were talking off air we've met we've done I think we done a couple of showcase together but I definitely have but I have to say you did something for me many many years ago that showed your absolute loyalty as a person I was booking a room and I both got was fired and quit from the booker of the room and you sent me a message because I think you were booked for the next month they're like if a you hosting this I ain't doing it and you backed out of the show and I was like that is loyalty because comics we're kind of we'll take work anywhere and everywhere we can get it do I just caught myself cuz we were on the radio we are loose when it comes to that yeah yeah I mean yeah you you were the person who brought me on the show we're friends and also I think the way that you were let go and that situation was messed up so thank you yeah there was yeah there was like multiple reasons like yeah just somebody just cuz like a producer going from the show I'm not going to jump ship anybody out there listen you know like they're all those circumstances combined that made it real easy to make that decision and I greatly appreciate that just because simply it's there's not a lot of loyalty in this world so tell me XL how did you get started in stand-up comedy I know we got time but I don't want to run with super long story short well okay you can do that sound like you sound like a Charlie Brown teacher I used to live in Los Angeles I had a small business that did door-to-door sales we literally should knock on people's doors and we're selling AT&T while I was doing that I hung out at a bar that just the only reason I got this bar is because it was the only place that was in walking distance of my of the place I was staying the place I was running at the time and this is before uber and and lyft and all those things and so everybody in LA all of my employees had DUI and I didn't want to have a DUI cuz that was the only thing you like I was literally the only person with a clean license me and my partner I think with only two people that work for us and the guys who came from Chicago that had license all of our LA employees had DUI and so I wanted to do you know I was I used to drink then I want to be able to drink and it was a karaoke bar called boardwalk 11 that I hung out at and coincidentally Craig Robinson of the office and hot tub time machine and a bunch of other cool movies people's and anyway he's also from Chicago and he used to teach music it's for the Chicago school system yes yes yes Pizza Hut guy nobody Pete our pizza Hut they're still trying to figure out who Craig Robinson is I'm trying to think of most of the most current thing he's doing he has a bunch of stuff going on we happen to hang out at that same place around the same time and we would just kind of you know have fun throw back some tequilas and Craig jokes and talk about Chicago and he told me I was funny he told me it's so crazy to think about now cuz what I wouldn't give for that opportunity but he used to try to get me to come hang out with him in LA like in LA proper we were in like well anybody who knows what boardwalk 11 is if you're listening to this like West LA kind of area and he wanted like you want man you should come hang out like you're really funny and I would kind of just you know take it as flattering like hey man I see you say but I have work in the morning yeah that's really that's real nice you're coming like that and the funny thing is this is literally 2006 7 I want to say it was before hot tub time machine it was when he was on the office but he wasn't a main character yet they were still in the warehouse like stay when he was only on the other shows like a couple times a season before he was a more regular character and so he was telling me that all this cool stuff was happening for him and I was so focused on running my business and trying to be anti Hollywood cuz I kind of didn't like LA when I was out there I didn't really get into like what he was saying about the business part of it I just kind of want to talk to him as like hey a guy from Chicago I guess like I was trying to keep it real I was trying to keep it real with him and and but he would he was like tell me I got all these films in the can and he started listing off like Zack and Mary and hot tub time machine and something else I can't remember was another one that came out around the same time and I didn't know what the in the can meant and so like you know you just explain it to me and I was always I always tried to keep this real Mel so I would deflect the situation to try to take it back to something more grounded or whatever and I you know say yes man congratulations you know my cousin pookie got two years taking off his murder sentence so you know it's good news for everybody did I have anything to relate to like him getting a bunch of movies done or something like that like hey I heard crack prices are cheaper on the West side these days one of the big reasons I find that funny is um whenever I've been in situations and people are like do you belong in this neighborhood because I live in Waukegan I've always said no don't mind me I'm just pookie's girl I bet you there are some good decent pookies out there that don't have criminal records and are doing good you know they live in their life and they walking around being pookie shame it's funny that you say that because I've used that when I've because I live in Waukegan Waukegan has some rough areas and I walk my dog through it I don't care I live in the same city as you do if I can walk wherever I want gotten harassed a couple times I'm like I'm just a girl and keep on walking okay so you're in LA you're hanging out with I'm hanging out with celebrities I was just hanging out with Craig he used to try to give me to go hang out with the celebrities and I would always say nah cuz I really did I worked a lot of hours I used to work we were we did really well but I also worked like 14 hour days 15 hour days and the time I spent hanging out at boardwalk 11 with Craig would literally be like an hour or two before I went home crash for six hours and got up and just worked another 14 hours so I'd have a couple cocktails a couple tequilas and then go crash out but anyway I wound up leaving that business coming back to Chicago and when I did it was right when right after the economic crash in 2008 was early 2010 and a lot of there weren't a lot of jobs at the time the economy wasn't great there weren't a lot of jobs some type of stuff I wanted to do that were willing to pay but I was willing what I was asking for because they just it just wasn't and and I didn't know what to do I didn't know what I wanted to do next I also really didn't want to work for anybody I got really comfortable not working for people that is a huge thing people don't realize once you start working for yourself you know yeah yeah I really do not want to follow rules I really do not want to follow rules right now and stuff and then it just like it kept popping in my head hey man a professional and all by the way all the movies that Craig had told me about that were in the can had start coming out and they were all really you know did really well or you know have good followings you're pretty well so it just kept popping in my head man a professional comedian told you you were funny maybe you should try to do this and I had always I never fancied myself a stand-up comic but when I watch stand-up comic for almost my comedy from almost my entire life I would edit comics jokes oh like when I watch even in the 90s growing up watching stand-up comedy watching Def Jam and stuff like that like even stuff that was really funny I go man I was good I would have didn't this which is you know it's kind of is that baseball with comics every comic knows it like we do that with each other we do that with other comics I was doing that way before I ever thought about doing a comedy doing comedy it was just something that I would do like oh man I bet you would be funny if he said this I was doing tags or or switching up the jokes or or stuff that if it didn't land I say yeah this would have landed if he you know whatever I do that too I'll watch things be like oh that would have been funny if they swap these two words oh that would have been funnier if they took a pause on that I do that too so so it kind of like between Craig saying that to me and and knowing that was something also for full disclosure because I don't want any of my there's a lot of st. Joseph Pumas that live in this area I don't want anybody to watch this and then try to you know myth bust me or something I did my senior year 2000 I did a stand-up routine the first time I ever did stand up was in the year 2000 I did a team a two-man team me and a guy named John Williams John John did kind of like a if imagine if Laurel and Hardy or Abbott and Costello did stand up it was kind of like a back and forth type thing but I did we did it for like a college competition we wrote some jokes we did it and then it was ten years later after you know whole everything I just said with Craig before I actually started trying to become a comic you ever still talk to Craig I do not and I hate that I do not I think let's go to LA I've got some frequent flyer mileage let's go I we actually did used to chat and this is embarrassing I didn't do anything like to ruin a relationship with Craig I just stopped reaching out to him but there were reasons why I stopped reaching out to him was because like when I started doing comedy my initial most people when you start doing comedy the part of learning how to become a comic is getting comfortable on stage that you know getting comfortable saying your material in front of people having to just just the comfort of being the center of attention I didn't have a problem with that because doing the sales that I did that's all I ever did every day standing in front of a crowd of people was literally my job every day all the time and you are a statuesque man you are six foot seven you have a presence about you a very very safe teddy bear presents I'm gonna say it sorry not to like you but you've got a teddy bear presents about you I'm not hey I'm not wrong with that cuffing season coming up yeah I hear that teddy bear teddy bear present you also probably have that too is people your entire life doing that schmucky thing I just did you like oh my god you're so tall how's the weather out there it's I mean it just comes with it it's a weird because I could lean into it and complain about it or make fun of it and I do on stage the only part that I make fun of on stage is this is something that real happened to me and anybody who's watching the video my beard is very gray I the only reason why I allowed my beard to go gray I used to die I used to walk around with a lie on my face every day only reason I stopped doing that was because I got tired of people asking me if I played for the Chicago Bears it is a frequent and common recurring thing that happens I've even been asked about play for Chicago Bears while I was at a Chicago Bear game I was at a game that was actually already started in the concession line and a group of women walked up to me and asked me me and a friend who's also a very large human being if we play for the Bears and we just kind of looked like yeah we took a time out because they didn't have hot dogs on the sideline like what you know are you a big sports fan? Huge sports fan. Cubs or White Sox? Cubs or White Sox? I grew up a Cubs fan I've been a Cubs fan my whole life 2016 it's an amazing event the win in the World Series I switched sides because I disliked the Ricketts that much the Ricketts family is very very very racist and it's hard for me to spend and then what I love what they've done with I have a mix I have mixed feelings about what they've done to Wrigleyville I think Wrigleyville looks amazing I think it is totally they are making money left and right and that's what they got to do to you know make the team good and all the stuff hooray as a fan when I was a fan I was a hundred percent for it however my first apartment out of college was in Wrigleyville and I remember what it was like before when the Cubs were still kind of the lovable losers and going to the bleachers was just about having fun and drinking beer and oh crap there's a baseball game going on and there's a charm to that that will never come I don't believe will ever come back because they just commercialize every inch and space of Wrigleyville but it's also kind of dope if I was in my 20s or 30s that would have been an area that I really would have loved to hang out in now as a dude my age there's nothing everything I just everything I look around I'm the dude paying for everything so I just see dollar signs everything that's gonna cost me this that's gonna cost me that because everybody I'm dad so it's you know if we're out I'm the one that's that's dropping the coin for everything so and if there are those of you who do not remember on the patriarch of the Ricketts family some insensitive emails came out that I'm not gonna I'm not gonna give him energy but he had some statements that were very unlikable for our society in the 2000s yeah it's funny it's funny because it's I really I have loved the Cubs since I was a kid so it's really really hard to stop rooting for them but it's like I can't how can I give a person like that my money like he clearly doesn't care for me as a individual as a person and so you know and then my girlfriend friends always they bring up there's a sister who is a very progressive she happens to be a member of the LGBTQ community and and she happens to be very progressive and it's like yeah but that's like one out of seven seven maybe two out of the seven Ricketts are cool and the other five are pretty not cool people that's funny is I grew up on the north side of Chicago and but I have never been to Wrigley Field and I'm a die-in-the-wool Chicago White Sox fan and I have the Dooney and Burke purse that little like annoying thing that you see those girls do with like the sport purses I have that's that's the person I carry on almost a daily basis my dad was asking me if my cousin and I care my cousin Karen I were going out and he's like my dad's outside I thought that Irish he's like we're going and I said don't care and I're gonna go drinking on Wrigleyville excuse me and he goes oh like hell you guys are going out there absolutely not I don't like we're going to Wrigleyville like we're the the problem children then I realized he meant it was Wrigleyville so he was that but I've actually never been and I've been to both Comiskey's and every time I come home from a road trip I always wear the same t-shirt I still call it Comiskey it is my superstition shirt so I get home safely because I don't really care if someone in Boston or in Miami sees me wearing a shirt saying and I'm from Chicago so yeah so we're talking about this earlier about you playing professional sports you played football where at University of Louisville anybody listening if you've ever been to Louisville Kentucky you will notice that I pronounce it correctly Louisville not Louisville it's Louisville Louisville like Lou like Lou like the name Lou Louville Louville okay but uh yeah I went there for a year for football I did not like football at the college level because all of those dudes are really good I was in high school I was amazing I was the best person on the field most of the time. What high school did you go to? West Aurora I don't like the mascot that we have but West Aurora I was a very prominent person there but um yeah I played there and I went to Louisville College because they wanted to dine me really nice on a recruiting trip there was a ton of racism there's a bunch of situations that happened down there there was a huge war between the football team which was predominantly black and the white fraternities over some racist situations that happened and the funny thing is the football players didn't we could have just like went over and destroyed a bunch of people but we didn't they basically just went over and very politely said hey if you guys don't stop doing the racist stuff we will come back and destroy but if you could stop doing it that'd be great and then we won't have to and a little bit I will say it was an intimidation thing because I was there with them when we did this there was a probably like 40 football players fresh from like working out so like they're all just hyped up and and and you know breathing heavy and and just looking like they're ready to destroy a bunch of stuff and I can't remember if it was our captain or who who led the battalion on that but I think I heard the words but um yeah yeah so like we literally marched over to their place and had this big show off and then it was a it was a huge problem on campus after that it was it was bad so I left I sat out of college for a couple years and then I had an opportunity to play basketball for st. Joseph's College in Rensselaer Indiana oh you went from Kentucky to Indiana yes yes that's a that's a jump st. Joe's Rensselaer Indiana st. Joe's was magnificent I love st. Joe's I'm still very good friends with my teammates from I graduated year 2000 so it's been 24 years since I've been out of college and I love I love those dudes I love that school the school actually closed down in 2018 but I'm still friends with a lot of people who went there and it's a dope place so anyway you asked about professional basketball I play basketball I play football then I play basketball and then my father had a connection to give me a tryout for European League team the idea honestly was not that I was going to get a spot on the team the idea was hey man you really love playing basketball this could be a bunch of amazing basketball players up here want to come up here and play with them and see how good you are compared to these guys that's literally what me and my dad were doing they they used it my dad was a high school principal they used the gym of the school that he was running and so that's how I got in it was like one of the contingencies of allowing them to use the gym was that I got to play like I literally I just graduated I was working as a management trainee at Radio Shack I had a double major of marketing and finance and I finances my like focus my passion I wanted to work on Wall Street when I was a kid that was my dream when I was in high school I actually thought about the idea of becoming a stockbroker I you know I listened to a bunch of idiots that told me that trading the way that people do it that we all think of when you think of stock trading and people in the pit and all stuff like literally year 2000 man computers are going to take that away it's going to be over and I believe that and they still 2004 there's still a trading pit it has diminished compared to what it was before but it still actually exists so you know it's not as crazy as it was before but I could have had a 20-year career yes idiot so do you come from a funny or athletic family because if you're your dad's a principal so I'm gonna presume there's you guys are academic he was athletic I am NOT the funniest person in my family by far really yeah they if you come to holiday if you came to a holiday event or I go family barbecue or something I don't get a word in edgewise there I have if my sisters are there I'm definitely not and I have a lot of women cousins that are very very very funny the women in my family everybody in our family my family's pretty funny but there are women I have a cousin named Netta that literally would just go on a rant about anything off the top of her head for 10 minutes and you'll be choking trying to breathe because you'll laugh so hard oh and she just does it off the top of her head I have I have to look for it I'll send it to you if I can find it I recorded her one time guys just like she just started going I was like oh I gotta get this down press record cuz it's just she she's she's a female Larry David oh okay like things something happens and then she just starts going and she just starts going off about it do you say that and I am like I've just like put you in a wig like that's like you went from the dreads to like a cute little Bob haircut like that I have a picture in my head right now I'm gonna go back to stand-up comedy cuz how do you write how do you get inspiration for your act I know you've my one I favorite bits of yours as you talk about how much you love cake I know you will go into a jewel a like 2 o'clock in the morning and buy cake but you'll buy candles they don't really think you're gonna eat all the cake how do you create a bit how do you write your jokes where does your inspiration come from okay I'll start with I'll tell you how I do it and I'll tell you where that bit came from cuz it came from a completely different place okay this is gonna sound so corny it can but I just like life experiences are funny unto themselves I don't really go to like try to be creative and create anything most of the things I say on stage even if I embellish it a little bit because it's funnier the way I tell the story it's a real thing that happened I have a bit about my son called white baby that is literally verbatim the truth experiences that I was having as I saw him for the first time and first time I held him and and how I reacted to it and it's just me explaining like what's going through my head the whole time and to give you an example when I say it's the truth of what happened one of my best friends one of the guys who went to St. Joseph's with me when my son was born in 2004 I said it to him exactly like that I didn't start doing comedy until 2010 I didn't start telling that story on stage until 2013 or 14 but in 2004 when my son was born I told him all of those things because I was freaking out that my son looked white and I couldn't explain what the hell why because his while his mother's exact same complexion as I am and if you're just listening I am very brown so melanin in babies actually takes about a couple of weeks to actually form and come and come up through this skin my mom had black hair black eyes she looked like she was Middle Eastern she looked Puerto Rican my dad is an Irish guy she kept waiting for me to like darken up why does my child have blue eyes why does my child have blonde hair you married an Irish guy like that DNA is strong you wait for a year finally I guess it's not happening I bet with the thing you just said about the melanin I don't know why but that is something that definitely needs to be taught in school because it was weird for me to learn that at 30 I was just a really weird thing to learn at 30 at 2 o'clock in the morning when you're holding your child for the first time melanin what like why am I getting this biology lesson now I actually went to good schools man like how is it possible that I don't know this what is your son doing these days he is a sophomore in college he is doing quite well I'm very very proud of him I stay on stage because I tell that joke quite a bit especially if it's someplace I don't tell it in clubs here in Chicago that often because I've been doing it for 10 years but if I'm the road if I'm someplace new it's something I'd definitely pull out because it's a it's a long bit and it's it's great it's a very funny bit it's a you know kind of relate you know get you to relate to me bit but I always say that he's the best thing that's ever happened to me and it's it's a hundred percent true I don't I don't say it for the bit he is a way better kid than I deserve I was a jerk for a lot of my teenage years to my parents and to the world I was I I was an athlete that people told me that I was going to be like the superstar you know professional stud and so I kind of walked around like that I was I was actually very frat boy Republican type dude for like the first 30 years of my life if aliens landed right in our driveway right now that would surprise me less than the statement you just said yes I'm very upset I'm very very very much the opposite of that now I was I was a jerk I I recognized it I didn't at the time I was very much in it I thought you know I was Republican I I hadn't been I didn't recognize the racism at the time because they used to they used to do with the thing they called dog whistle where they kind of talked around it or they said things and euphemisms and things like that and I didn't wreck it like this like Rush Limbaugh on the radio Rush Limbaugh used to be funny and he'd say stuff that was definitely like racial with racial overtones and things like that but it would be funny and it sounds like this guy's not you know he's just he's a joker but then when I started checking out policies and things like that I'm like wait a minute oh so Condoleezza Rice was not your girl was not your crush I think hey Condoleezza Rice especially with the book with the tall black boots Condoleezza Rice can get it it was always tough Condoleezza and Colin Powell were always tough cuz I dug them back in the day and so when I left when I switch parties I'm very much I will switch up on something I was raised Muslim I switched to Judaism I will switch if I get new information all right Captain Kittens it is me Gray Dolan it is with 98.3 the life I am hanging out with my friend Xavier Lamont affectionately known as XL here on comics on air I got people here in the chat and on twitch I got Denise Medina saying hi I got blonde Wendy who is currently lives in Kentucky saying hey and I got to read a note from Bruce the sports guy so um we're gonna take a really quick station break and hang tight hi I'm country Chuck tune in to my show Mondays from 11 to 1 I play all the oldies from 50s to current hits here at 98.3 FM the life raising middle ones is a big job and Brightline Texas is here for support get helpful tips info and activities sent to your phone right by text is for caregivers of kids newborn to age 8 it's a public service and it's available in English and Spanish sign up now by texting UW LC to 274 448 help give your child a bright beginning right by text from United Way of Lake County this message is brought to you by UCC environmental Matthew okay I just need you to listen to me I know that a lot of times mom it might not seem like I'm listening to you but I am I hear you and what you say really does matter to me I mean let's be honest no kid likes rules but I get why we have them I hear you and I know it's because you care all the talks we've had over the years including what you've told me about not using alcohol and other drugs they stick with me and believe it or not they really do make a difference especially at times that matter most hey I'm drink no thanks I'm good so thank you dad for talking and preparing me for what's ahead thanks mom for never giving up and always being my biggest fan thank you for letting me know what you expect so I can try to meet your expectations thank for more information about talking with your kids about underage use of alcohol and other drugs visit underage drinking dot SAMHSA dot-gov it is me Grigel and 98.3 the life and you're listening to comics on air and my guest today is my friend Xavier Lamont except it's affectionately known as XL and we're talking sports we're talking football we're talking basketball we're talking politics and religion which would like to do that like you know I'm gonna stay away from that just because I don't want to alienate half my audience but he has yet to bring up Taylor Swift so we're good about that but one of my favorite bits that you have is you have one about cake tell me about this bit so I think I had the whole bit started where I had a line about I like cake I hate it I hate when people make excuses about being fat I'm fat legitimate I like cake and he's like cake is my number two way I want to die number one number one is having sex every man there's no number two would be sex with cake that's how Matthew McConaughey's dad died Matthew McConaughey's dad had a heart attack while in an intimate relationship with his mother Matthew McConaughey and possibly Woody Harrelson they may be brothers they may have the same father I could kind of see that they go both have the same kind of energy yeah that's a real story and their mother who is not their mother McConaughey's mother who's still alive has basically implied yeah I kind of got around back then and I kind of got around and he was around he's one of the guys that I got around with so it's possible type thing maybe it was maybe it was Woody Harrelson's mom that implied that I can't remember it's something like that but no I just love that I'm bit about cake I keep it was funny is I love it so much that when I will I'm gluten-free I know whenever I walk by cake aisles at the grocery store I always think of you so all I had was that line and Jamie Masada of The Laugh Factory back when The Laugh Factory in Chicago originally opened like the first I think almost year maybe not that long but it felt like maybe the first year maybe even longer I don't know he used to actually come out every Wednesday and watch the open mic the open mic was on Wednesdays then and he'd watch the open mic and he would it would it was limited and there was a tear system and as you progress through the tear he was literally the comics that he wanted to talk to he'd pull you aside and he'd have like a little five-minute you know conversation with you or whatever I'll never forget I was I was told to go upstairs and to like the green room area for the comics and Jamie was trying to wrap up with this comic who I don't remember who it was I don't think he stayed in comedy much longer but he Jamie was trying to be very very nice and tell him he wasn't really funny and the guy wasn't catching the hit he just wasn't catching the hand Jamie kept trying to beat around the bush and he was a lie he had five other comics he had to meet with so finally like I walked into the room and he just yelled at the guy this guy this guy's funny do what this guy does do what this guy does and so then I went to like I was on level 10 I was like oh my god Jamie was how to just call me funny I'm great then I sit down with him and he proceeds to tell me why what I did is like yeah you're funny but that line about cake he's like that's good but can you give me some more can you do something else can you can you can't tell me a story about how the cake makes you feel whatever okay how cake makes you feel yeah so I just went through the thing earlier where I just said most of my bits are you know real or something that actually happened the cake bit I think it may be the only bit that's completely whole cloth made up everything about it is made up I mean my love my love of cake is not made up my love of cake is very very real but the entire scenario of the bit everything that happens in that bit none of that I really really really enjoyed birthday cake for some reason I mean you know obviously this birthday cakes a party whatever I will buy a birthday cake when there's no birthday involved true but I like chocolate chocolate and I like birthday cake I like I like cake man there's very few cakes that I'm going to turn down I like carrot cake I got kind of cake I do too I'm a cake girl and I always say that if I ever get married I'm gonna serve a whole bunch of cupcakes instead of a regular wedding cake because if people could have more cake yeah you can have do you have a right exactly that's my plan because if I you know I get that like vanilla almond that what it's good but you're really only gonna have one slice but if we're sitting there and there's a whole buffet table of like red velvet vanilla chocolate German shot oh my god angel food you just remind me probably the best cake that I've ever had in my life is from a bakery that's in Highland Park and now you make me want to wonder like are they open on Sunday I'm gonna call my buddy a guy used to work with when he's working finance I literally there's how much I like cake I had this cake 20 years ago at least at least 20 years ago and it's it's still my favorite cake of all time and yeah it's it's not even close and I know that it's up here from up here from here it's only about 30 minutes yeah yeah so I think I might now I want cake thanks thanks that's how it works man that's how it works and I just got my New Year's Eve dress because that's my holiday New Year's Eve I feel like I saw you posted the black and white yeah it's black and white yeah I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing I don't know but New Year's Eve is my holiday I am the one that celebrate I start saving up like January 8th like after the Eastern Orthodox Christmas because that's me like the official end of the holiday season I start saving up for the year to go celebrate New Year's Eve I have done everything from work take two ambience and wake up on like the fourth I have done it all and that's and that's my holiday and you your birthday is on a very specific how American holiday yeah Halloween my birthday's on Halloween and you hate spooky stuff I scary movies scare me I don't like scary movies I'm not completely like against all spooky things I'm just not good like I'm not gonna go to a haunted house I'll punch and I'll punch somebody just doing their job to get punched but it would be anxiety not because I'm a jerk and my son my son's 19 he went to go see Alien Romulus this weekend it came out which looks like it I love the Alien series I remember the early Alien series when it when I felt like it was more like a space movie now it's just about aliens eating people and that is that's too much for me it looks I can't we made my son go to take movies and basketball kind of like our two things that you know father-son time whatever for whatever reason those are two biggest things that we spend time doing and so we've been to the movies a lot and they've been showing the alien alien Romulus preview at a time and I can't make it through the preview and they don't show anything in the preview like even the our van free preview isn't really like anything that bad and I'm like squeamish through the whole preview like oh my goodness let me feel like I'm a spooky girl I love all my spooky stuff Halloween I won't go to haunted houses for the exact same reason I don't want to get punchy I spent some time in combat sports that's number one thing I do not want to do because I don't want exactly you don't want to hurt somebody who's just involved with their day I remember taking my dog I had the time down to a zombie zombie crawl yeah some guys dress up like a zombie and he takes his chainsaw minus a chainsaw and he runs it on the ground and all these little tween girls they're like and they go running and my dog looks at him looks at me and he takes his cue from me like am I biting him or not tell me what I need to do so I know I'm getting totally off the subject and I love it I'm having a blast we only have we have less than 19 minutes left that's how quickly this hour is going so thank you Excel so what advice do you have for like new comics or comics you want to come in and start grind the starting comedy is all repetition people need to tell us this all the time or tell me this all the time and I didn't understand they talk because they put it in like a time frame and they'd say oh it takes you this long to do this takes you this many years to do this and I I didn't like that because I was like why is it like this time thing and it really was I don't I've come to in my opinion I don't really believe it's about the time thing I think it's about the number of repetitions that you do and that corresponds to it you know time frame for most people like it's gonna take you this long to get enough repetitions to actually be this good but it's different for everybody but my point is to say get up as much as possible try new things as much as possible one of the things that bugs me the most that I see a lot of new comics do is open mics they're doing the exact same material all the time like it's one thing to be working out a bit that you're you know you're trying to figure out how to make it yeah hey is this funny or even if you're like a newer comic and you're just trying to audition to let the club or bookers in the room know that you're funny and that's your money material I get it I guess there's time and place where doing your money stuff at a mic is important you got to do it to you know pop out and show them is Kendrick Lamar would say this morning but uh the point of a mic to the point of doing the repetitions at the mic isn't just to sharpen up the bit that you already have because hopefully you're getting up and you get a chance to perform those bits the point of a mic to me is to stretch to like if you have a bit that's fire make it more can you do more with it can you make it longer can you take it different place can you write something new some you were asking about the writing process I don't actually physically write anything down I JZ it y'all everything is in my head I the only reason I do I don't do it to be cool it's not like a parlor trick or anything like that I have giant hands and writing for extensive period of time it just cramps up my hands really quickly and it's painful and plus my handwriting looks like crap I look like I don't read my handwriting looks like I didn't do well in school you talk about the writing process I was listening to John Mayer who by the way is I'm working on him to be my future husband hope he doesn't mind he actually types things out he types his stuff out on a typewriter yeah and I was like that it actually and I just use my tablet with a little keyboard but I'm like that's actually pretty brilliant and he said you JZed it he also used the phrase he Ouija boards it he does Ouija so stuff just comes out like that's actually I'm learning a lot about my comedy and I'm trying to improve as a comic and I'm trying to pull from all the people in my life to become a better comic what what makes you laugh um man you gotta think about that one yes yes yes because it's so there's so many different things I'm silly man like there's stuff that witty stuff that I stuff that is a misdirection and also I like subtlety I like a subtle misdirection like something something something that is you it's not hitting you over the head but it's there and if that can be the funniest bit the funniest part of a bit that you know and and sometimes you got to go back a second or third time and see it or check it out I like stuff like that I like stuff like that makes you go back and go oh wait a minute I didn't like this was funny but I didn't realize time just like we were talking Kendrick Lamar just a minute ago Kendrick Lamar rhymes his songs are very very cool the first time you hear it mm-hmm they're like 20 time you hear it you go wait a minute I was looking for some radio edit stuff for Kendrick Lamar an honor of a guest who I have coming on September 1st so I want to have some stuff for him um what comics make you laugh like who are your comics like who are your go-to comics for inspiration or just in general um I love Wanda Sykes I love Janine Garofalo when I was before I did comedy was was was really really big on my comedy list obviously Chappelle everybody loves Chappelle what I like about Chappelle is I love his pauses I think Chappelle uses his pauses as words and he does a joke about Michael Jackson I'm not going to go into details on it because it refers to Michael Jackson and the allegations I was not in the room I don't know what happened I'm not gonna presume or assume anything and he takes this pause that is so brilliant that it's just like oh it just amazes me yeah yeah his the way that he I won't say what I was gonna say I was gonna say something that could be interpreted as political but he's like he's like a right oh I know how to do it it's kind of like a Tarantino movie where there's something that happens at the beginning that's really important I think you forget about it in the middle because there's all this other crazy stuff happening and then you get back to the end it's like oh yeah and Chappelle is really amazing at doing that where he'll he'll be on one topic and go take you on a whole journey elsewhere but that elsewhere ends up right back where he wanted you to be where he started and it's it's remarkable you know I also really like is Cat Williams and how he pulls and holds an audience like he plays him like an instrument and I love that I remember Denise Medina has been a guest on here she's in the chat in the in the twitch chat she was talking about I was like watch watch Cat Williams watch Cat Williams and she's like oh okay and she did she's like you're right the way he holds an audience because I come from the school of in stand-up that it doesn't matter if you like them or if you don't like them watch them watch the people who are working watch the people with the Netflix Netflix specials watch the masters I know Carlin is a huge influence on a lot of people so it's Richard Pryor oh yeah Pryor is Eddie Murphy at same thing I love the fact that those three guys are now like linked together and how humble Eddie Murphy actually is he still you watch Jerry Seinfeld's comedian cars getting coffee he still remembers the features that he worked with 20 some odd years ago when he was just starting yeah the humility of him my favorite part about that is him and Jerry talking about like they were excited because Gilbert Gottfried was working the mic yeah that they got like you're roughly was already a name and they were excited to do the mic that Gilbert Gottfried was going to be at which is insane not that give a coffee isn't wasn't an amazing comedians oh but it's insane to Eddie Murphy and Jerry Seinfeld we're excited to get to be on a mic which you forgot free so I have another kind of what inspires you originality I love things that can touch people I love things that make people I try very hard to make people laugh but also maybe have to google something when they get home or or maybe think about googling something when they get home because hey that was funny but also with that is that true is that real like and and the primary point the primary purpose is laugh funny is is most important part but if I can also do something to make you have a different perspective or at least understand a different perspective that's that's dope too have you ever used your comedy powers to the forces of evil or good the loaded question because I will talk myself out of trouble I have my entire life when I did sales before I was actually a comic one of the things that made me understand or figure out that I could do comedy was I'd use comedy to get sales I would I would make I figured out if I made that would you do door-to-door sales when you're just like a cold calling somebody walking in trying to get nobody wants to talk to that person nobody nobody likes their daughters and it doesn't you could be giving away $100 bills if somebody just walked up to you on the street and tried to give you $100 bill you'd start saying no because you'd assume there was a catch or something to it that like you didn't want to be involved it's got to be something no one's just giving away $100 bill so but I noticed that if you made somebody laugh a little bit they'd give you a second yeah you're funny okay what do you got it what do you what are you selling and if I got that it was in so I forgot why I brought that up. I asked you have you used your powers for comedy for good? yeah so yes I use it for that for that and also for to meet women oh well that's a given I always I remember I went out with this guy and he looks your stand-up comic I'm like yeah he goes you know I had you haven't made me laugh once and I said sorry my humor is kind of sophisticated usually make smart people laugh. It ended right then and there and you talk I always ask people I always want to know what how people use their powers for good and my dad in 2014 had a massive heart attack and I was trying to get him to some cardiac specialist could not get in could not get in I called the office I made the girl laugh had an appointment for him for like the next week and I handed him the paperwork I said here you go and it's the same cardiology team that actually worked on former vice vice president Dick Cheney I don't care what your political opinions if they're working on a government elite the vice president it's gonna be good. If they're working on Dick Cheney they're great. Dick Cheney is and this is not political he actually has like a mechanical heart he's almost Darth Vader. I'm not saying that in a negative vein, I'm saying that in a mechanical way. My dad goes how did you do that? He couldn't get in, my mom couldn't get him in. I was like I made the front girl, I made the dust girl laugh. I know that was my power. God may not have blessed me with a healthy metabolism but God sure blessed me with a silver dung. Can I just say a quick story about how I screwed it up? Okay so business to business sales I was still in Chicago one of the things I used to come in and act like I was a representative from a TV show at the time American Idol and Bachelor were both hot and I'd come in and I'd talk really fast like especially like high-end law firms or something like that because they really didn't have time or don't want to talk to you. So I'd come and talk real fast like hey how you doing I don't know if they called you the advance team should have called you my name is Xavier I am here to bring the Bachelor so just have all the eligible women meet in like the cafeteria or break room or something like that and we're just gonna film a lot of quick stuff and the receptionist is just looking at me like wait a minute what are you talking about? and I'm like come on honey I know they sent the email the cameramen are already on the elevator right now I need this to go right today we want to film for you're familiar with the Bachelor right we're coming to Chicago and then some people would get like super excited like oh my god they'd start grabbing their makeup and the way that that I had two ways that that went horrible. One way the guy who was with me happened to be a very gorgeous man and I acted like he was the Bachelor and the woman was so into him she didn't care about my sales thing at all she literally was like staring at him the entire time I was trying to do the pitch after she figured out that we weren't the Bachelor cause she was just like I thought I was gonna get the hook up with this dude and they did they wound up going on a dike like somehow she slipped him his car or something he wound up telling me like two hours later when we were at lunch he was like hey can I go out with that lady cause I don't know if that's a conflict and the worst one was I said I did an American Idol one and I was at a law firm and apparently one of the paralegals had actually auditioned for American Idol and was waiting to hear from them it was like literally just the worst possible timing of a thing they all freaked out they went to go get her and before literally I'm standing there trying to go whoa whoa whoa stop stop stop and no one's listening to me because they think they I mean they're screaming at the top of their lungs so that one was not a sale that got you blacklisted from that place well actually they were already a customer that was the safe thing they were already a customer of the business I was working for so after that I just had to give them a bunch of free stuff and try to like apologize a thousand times that it was just a joke it was just a joke that one hurt oh my god that poor thing that woman was oh my god like she thought she was going to Hollywood I am at comedy underground at beat kitchen on Tuesday and I'm also going to try to headline a comedy show on Tuesday so gonna try to headline also at comedy bar in Chicago downtown in the just I forget where it's at but it's in the Genovese downtown Chicago on the third floor I can't remember the name of the street it's on but I have both those shows on Tuesday that's where I'm up next and I have some private stuff coming up and then I'll be at two brothers roundhouse on the 20th of September comedy bar is on Superior I thought it was Superior but it didn't seem right in my mind okay yeah so yeah comedy bar on Superior in the Streeterville neighborhood yes and also beat kitchen so if you're in Chicago and you're not at the DNC or if you're at the DNC and your event is over and you're looking for some fun come check out come to the comedy show I'm hilarious yes you are hilarious you're my adult supervision today it was funny as one of our guests Ted Wilson had he had a trip to the doctor he mentioned on Facebook hence I'll talk about air and I said what happens he goes I need adult supervision he goes is Excel available I was like not until after my show so we're only here for like another three a little less than three and a half minutes I know we talked a little bit about you doing some road work off air any advice for comics or people who travel a lot what kind of things do you have to help you on the road and help you feel more at home and help you feel more secure and grounded if you are on the road as a comic pack food man do not spend your road money on buying fast food and junk food and stuff pack food pack healthy pack water get a water jug it's like your life is gonna be trash on the road like at least eat right and also just save money it's just easier to save money and travel if if you're traveling like not on a road comic but like actually travel do clear if you're not familiar clear if you fly it's a it's a TSA yeah TSA pre-check I have a TSA pre-check yeah I still get stopped yeah but do you have you also have clear you have to have both no I only have I only have the TSA pre-check even with TSA pre-check I still get stopped and I get my dad and I both will get pulled into special rooms so here's the deal apparently clear will alleviate that like I didn't here's the thing I have what some people might call a background and so when the person you never when the person was selling it to me it was free for them to do the check and all that stuff and if I passed it after like the first three months I had to pay like a hundred and fifty bucks and I was like fine well I don't have to pay anything today and you're telling me if I pass this I'm gonna go through the line sure and it was a huge line at LAX and um I just said sure whatever cuz I was gonna have to wait in a huge line anyway so it wasn't like hurting me to like let this guy do a spiel and I also I didn't think I was gonna pass I passed and not only did I pass literally walked past what was probably a 45 to hour long line that I was gonna have to wait in passed the entire line walked straight through to like the first available open thing and I was the next person up and I was like that's the greatest damn sales pitch I've ever had in my life 150 I can't remember if it's 150 for a year cuz I haven't flown I haven't flown since I haven't flown at all this year anywhere so I don't have an active thing but I think it's like 150 200 bucks a year yeah I am so my first name is Lorene my dad is Lawrence I am my legal my first name L-A-U-R-E-N-E my dad is Lawrence L-A-W-R-E-N-C-E obviously same last name um my dad and I both get pulled into the special rooms we have been I have been surrounded by the police I have been yeah like step aside step aside do they think you're trying to do a double ticket I don't know but it's like I've had three Miami police officers like stand there like and babysit me I'm like I'm special come to find out there is a former IRA terrorist Irish Republican Army terrorist who is Lawrence L-A-U-R-E-N-C-E Dolan who is on the no-fly terror list so my dad and I get pulled up constantly and the funniest thing is I got pulled I want to say JFK I'm not fine I don't or maybe it was Baltimore but I get pulled to the special room and the entire room is filled with gentlemen who were Middle Eastern and East Indian descent and they look at my redheaded blue eyed self and go what did you do? Xavier Lamont thank you so much for joining me here today we are out of time you are welcome back anytime you want what are your socials what are your social medias? at XL comedy show XL comedy show or at what had happened news yeah it's a long thing to spell out but it's my animated news show what had happened news tag me on it alright cats and kittens peace love and good hair days go to work go to work go to work go to work