Solo ep burnout

The speaker talks about being busy in college and trying to balance various responsibilities such as being a good student, daughter, and life group leader. They mention experiencing burnout and wanting to prevent it. They discuss the signs of burnout, including constant fatigue, apathy, unexplained physical symptoms, changes in normal patterns, and emotional outbursts. The speaker also mentions prevention practices such as taking breaks, prioritizing wind-down time, filling free time with healthy activities, and focusing on things within one's control. They share their personal experience with burnout and taking a semester off from college. No, we're starting over. My goodness. Okay, hopefully that doesn't happen again. What's up, guys? Welcome back to Loved and Learning with Kirsten. Thanks so much for tuning back in. It has been a hot second since I've been in the podcast studio, and that is because I have been so busy, and I know that's probably not something you've never heard before. Being busy in college is just part of how, you know, it goes. And if you're not busy in college, you're probably not involved in much. And that's fine, but I do not have that experience. I truly am just trying to set aside time to be able to get at least six hours of sleep a night, be able to continue to talk to the people I want to talk to and get good grades. And honestly, balancing all of it, being a good researcher, being a good student, being a good daughter, a good life group leader, truly which has been such a blessing. I've started to lead with Hannah Ledoux, our life group that I was a part of last semester, stepped up into a leadership role, so that's been so cool. But truly, it has been so much to kind of grasp, and I'm trying to find the rhythms of how to do everything to the best of my ability and also stay sane in the process. And so I think that it's very fitting that today we are going to be talking about burnout. So essentially I made an Instagram poll because I just don't even know, like, unless I ask someone in person, like, oh what do you want to hear on the podcast, I just don't even know what people want to hear. And so I made an Instagram poll and I had four options, and I'm just going to read them off. The first one was when to let go, second one was all things dating, then I had burnout, and then I had perfectionism last. And so I decided, or no, I didn't decide, but you guys decided that you wanted to hear burnout. That had 43% of the votes out of a really good amount of votes, so thanks for voting, guys, that did. But I really just hope and pray that you guys find this episode helpful. I feel like I can speak on burnout, and I feel like I'm actively trying to prevent it. And so this is something I definitely don't think I'm perfect at. For example, last Friday was a really, really rough day, and I just felt, like, super burnt out. And I know this is a topic that I've been talking about with a lot of my friends recently, and I just am learning myself, so that's a little disclaimer. But I do feel like I've gone through a really, really hard season of burnout, where truly that word is just the best way I can encompass everything I was feeling, and there's so much more to it. But truly, burnout is something I've struggled with, especially as a neuroscience major, and just trying to be everything for everyone all the time is something I talk to my friends and even some professor or a specific professor about a lot. There are times that I fall short and I just feel so bad. I make a mistake, I miss a meeting, I do something dumb, and I feel like I let someone down, and I will just beat myself up about it. But truly, I'm trying to learn to extend myself so much more grace than I do just because I'm not going to be perfect. And so even going into that topic of perfectionism that I put on the poll, that's definitely going to be incorporated into today's episode, so I'll be all that better for that. Yes. And I was actually planning on doing a podcast about relationships and love and whatnot, because today is February 14th, 2024. It's Valentine's Day, so happy Valentine's Day to you and yours, from me and mine. But, yes, I decided against doing that topic just because I feel like burnout is just something I'm trying to actively fight during my semester of a whole bunch of research hours, really hard 4,000 level neuros, and working at the Heard Welcome Center and being a life group leader. So we are going to be talking about burnout today. Okay. So whenever I Google it online, I was doing just a little bit of research before I started recording in here. It says, burnout is comprised of three components. High levels of emotional and physical exhaustion, no matter how much rest you get. High levels of cynicism or detachment about work and feeling resentful of and just completely ignoring it. High levels of cynicism or detachment about work and feeling resentful of and just disconnected from those around you. Low levels of efficacy or satisfaction in yourself and in your work. So this is just like you become a robot and you don't feel anything anymore. You're going through the emotions and you are just literally trying to get through. And I have talked to so many people, specifically like science majors, is just kind of my realm here at Baylor and kind of the world I live in, that have struggled with this and that are currently trying to prevent those feelings of really bad burnout. Because I do feel like burnout can get to a point where you just shut down. And that actually did happen to me. So I will get into that later, but truly I think preventing this is something that's like super important. So I kind of wanted to walk through the five signs of burnout, which a lot of these are super self-explanatory, but I'll go into some of them. Constant fatigue, wanting to sleep all the time, no energy, brain fog, kind of just making dumb mistakes because you're so out of it. Apathy, like you just don't care. You're like, I'm just getting through the day. I just have to get it done. And, man, that has been me. Last week that was me. I was just trying to make the deadlines and come out in one piece. And so sometimes that's okay. It's really just like coming to realize the patterns and that, hey, if you resonate with a lot of these things, maybe you should really try to work and fix your habits to where you can protect yourself and your mental and your, honestly, just well-being in general just before you fall down a really, really dangerous path. Unexplained physical symptoms. So, like, stomach issues, headaches, honestly, just anything you're like, oh, wow, I've never struggled with this before, you might be burnt out. And that is just part of your brain and your body working together to tell you take a break, literally just take a break. Go get some sunshine, take a nap, drink a glass of lemonade, and take a freaking break, which I say, but I'm constantly not taking breaks. So, like I said, we're learning together. Changes to normal patterns is number four. Am I eating more or less than usual? Am I sleeping different times, sleeping more or less? This can kind of veer off into depression symptoms, so that's something to look out for, but I'm not a psychiatrist or a psychologist or anyone that can diagnose anything. I'm just speaking off of personal experience. So emotional outbursts is number five, the last one. Do I overreact to everyday situations? Am I often short or impatient? My goodness, I am often short and impatient, especially when I'm stressed. And this isn't on here, but honestly, high stress levels can easily, honestly, just be a catalyst and accelerator towards that burnout feeling. And so if you're someone who gets stressed easily, I literally – so if you're someone that gets stressed easily, which I am right there, this is just something to look out for. So this website, it looks kind of like a blog that has to do with app column for meditation maybe. It has five prevention practices, taking breaks, making wind down a priority, filling your free time with the right stuff, and going off of that, I think really just filling your free time, you know, if you can find some, which there always is some free time you can find, whether it be, you know, you taking off social media off your phone, that time you used as rest. Because even if we're using our rest, like with social media and things that are just still, like, causing us, like, even unconscious stress, that's really not using our rest time or our free time, like, healthily. And this is something that I'm literally talking to myself about too. But honestly, just rest. Like, for me, it's like watching the sunset or just turning my phone off and just, like, being in the quiet, taking a nap. Like, those things are, like, healthy for you and going to help you feel recovered and able to continue without that just nudging feeling of, like, you just don't want to keep going. Focus on things that are in your control. I think this is important because a lot of times, just especially in college, man, stuff can just hit the fan. If you know what I mean. Like, things can just go wrong. And it's sometimes just not your fault. Like, it was going to happen anyway. And so it's really just all about how you react to it. And controlling what you can control. You can control your reactions. You can control how you respond to people when they're angry with you. You can control, you know, you can control yourself and your responses and your reactions. But when it comes down to trying to control that professor that's really mean to you or trying to control that friend that is just, like, not speaking kind things to you, like, or just not responding in a way that you would assume she or he would respond, like, that is not you have to just give that up because you're going to drive yourself insane wanting to change that situation. And so speaking about burnout today. I am two semesters away from graduating. I graduate this December. But spring of 2023, so about a year ago from the semester we're in right now, spring 2024, I had to take a semester off. And truly, the main reason for that was because I experienced burnout through really extreme amounts. I was spreading myself so thin. I was in a sorority. And I know Addy was on with me last episode talking about kind of a little bit of the logistics of that and just my experience and just how it kind of just left me feeling unfulfilled even though I spent so much time and energy into it. And, you know, being a neuroscience major, all the things, doing pigskin, which here at Baylor, that's a big thing. It's like a performance in the fall, which was fun but truly so exhausting. And I just really felt burnout. I was miserable. I was unhappy. There was about two months where I couldn't even make plans with some of my best friends because I just was too busy. And looking back, that is just so sad to me because I just needed those people. And so one of those strategies I would add to that is get your support system and have them like with you, like inform them on like, hey, this has been a hard week. And so I actually wanted to talk on that for a second. Last Friday was horrible. I don't want to go into too many details just because some of them are just not something I would like to put online. But I did end up getting a ticket for parking somewhere I shouldn't have parked. The ticket is a good amount of money. And by good, I mean bad, like I cannot afford it. But that happened because of someone putting stress on me to get somewhere on time and just trying to operate under someone's expectations when I was just like not informed of what was happening. I truly was just like trying to just, I don't know. I don't know how to explain it without explaining it. But it was a mess. It was a bad day. I was crying on the phone with my mom. It was really, really rough. And that day I actually ran into Josh, one of my good friends here at Baylor, on the bottom of the staircase in the BSB. And I just like pretty much broke down crying outside the science building because it was just a bad day. And he ended up coming to my house and making me tacos before I had to rush off to work while I was on FaceTime trying to submit an assignment with a friend of mine. And so he made me lunch. And then also I texted my life group saying, hey, this just happened. I'm really struggling. I was also having a panic attack. And so I kind of let them in on that. I got a phone call. I got prayed by two people over the phone. And that was just so kind. So really just having your people around you and letting them in is part of it. Like you have to really just be open and be vulnerable. And just allowing those people to come around side you and not blocking them off is a really important thing. Because when you isolate yourself, you think you're, you know, giving yourself an advantage by, oh, you know, if I push these people away, I have more time to do things I need to do, I have to do, I hit the deadlines. But at the end of the day, you hit the deadline and you're like so, so exhausted mentally, physically, and you're just unhappy. And, like, I've been trying to assess lately, like, how important is the deadline if I'm not okay, you know? And the answer to me is, like, hey, unless I have to submit, like, I don't know. I actually don't know what's more important. Because at the end of the day, like, if you need to take care of yourself to be in a place where you can, like, wake up tomorrow and, like, continue, then do that. Like do not hesitate to do that. And that's something that I learned from that season off when I took that spring 2023 semester off is this. Because I truly would not give myself a break. And that, what happened to me is I could not eat, I could not sleep. There was no peace in me. And I was also super far from the Lord because I had pushed everyone around me, pulling me to him, away. And so I'm like, Lord, where did you go? And he's like, oh, I've been right here. But, like, you pushed my people away. Like you were not meant to go through burnout alone and through hard college things alone. Like community is so important. And so I've been so blessed to become a leader in my life group. But I'm still struggling with this myself. And so I love that those girls, shout-out life group, y'all are awesome. Today is Valentine's Day, as I mentioned, but it's also Ash Wednesday. And we decided a lot of us are giving up Dr. Pepper, so shout-out life group. My roommate has a whole liter of Dr. Pepper in the fridge right now, so I thought that was pretty funny because I looked at it today and I was like, yeah, of course, you know, that looks really good. But, no, not the Easter. Anyway, that's a tangent. But it's really like I've been grateful to lead that life group and learn alongside them and, like, encourage them, but also, like, get encouragement, which is something I've been trying to navigate, too, is, like, how to receive and give that in, like, equal amounts because I feel like as a leader I've been trying to, like, really give that. Last week was a week I just needed to receive it. And so at the end of the day I think that's what community is for, and I just love that the girls in my life group were so quick to be like, hey, what did you need? Like, did you want me to do this for you? Like, do you need food? Do you need groceries? Like, come over. And then praying for me on their walk to class on the phone when I told them I was having a lot of anxiety, just, like, I just love these girls, and it's been so sweet to have a community in college like that. And so I really am really trying to get some of them, if not a lot of them, on here. I don't know how that's going to work because there's two microphones in here. But that would be really awesome. And so, yes, that semester I took off was rough. I was super depressed. I didn't have any motivation, and I actually could not come to Baylor that semester just because it was not happening for me for a lot of different reasons. But taking that time off, I just struggled with, like, oh, what is my purpose if it's not being a student? And I think that that small box mindset was so destructive for me because I'm so much more than just a neuroscience major. I'm so much more than a Baylor student. I'm so much more than all the titles that the world gives me, and I'm a daughter of the king. And just truly being in this place now where I can look back and be like, hey, like that was – I learned so much from that, but I will never get back in that place again. And just having people around me when I have a bad day that I feel like I'm going down a really bad path, like having people remind me, like, hey, you've grown from that and, like, you are loved and you are learning. And I know that's the name of the podcast, but it's literally so true. That's why I named it this because, like, you're loved by a creator and you're still learning, and that is okay, and there's grace in that and there's love in that, but you can continue to learn how to be a faithful servant of the king in every aspect of your life, whether that be a student, a worker, like whatever you do, just learning that it is okay to mess up and just extending grace to yourself. This is something I just did not know how to do before. I just would lose sleep, ridiculous amounts of sleep, actually, over just, like, being incompetent, or at least what I deemed as incompetent. And it's true that it is just not the way we were made to operate. And I truly think that all we can do is try our best, and sometimes we fall short, and that is why, like, we have the blood of Jesus, like, covering us for where we fall short and, like, where we just are not able to be the best. Like, that is okay, and I think that Jesus commends us trying hard. And so, yes, and so for burnout, really, I just, like, really kind of know the warning signs of it now, and I'm able to kind of point them out in myself and sometimes in close friends of mine, too, where it's just like, oh, I don't care anymore, I haven't spent any time to myself anymore, I'm just operating like a robot, and I just, like, am so not passionate about the things I used to be passionate about. And like I said, I feel like burnout is a catalyst of depressive symptoms, and whether that be a true, you know, major depressive disorder, whatever, MDD, whatever that looks like, or whether it just be a phase of depression, I truly think that these two things work hand-in-hand, and when you're depressed, you just cannot experience the life that Jesus has for us to experience and wants us to experience, and I truly think that He just is so sad for us when we think that we, and I truly think, like, Jesus is so sad for us when we think that since we fall short, or that since we're so consumed, that we're not good enough. And so, I have learned so much about grace in that. But, yeah, this semester, as I've been going through all the chaos and the craziness, I've just been trying to remind myself that I can find peace in the little moments, and whether that's, you know, playing worship music on the way to school, or whether that's taking the long way to class because it's a beautiful day out and, like, feeling the breeze. Sometimes just being in class all day and, like, then going to work and being inside, like, especially in the BSB, it's kind of designed to be like a hospital. I think it's what someone said. It truly was designed like a hospital, and if you've ever been in the hallways before, you kind of feel that. The light's sterile. I mean, everyone's stressed a lot of the time. Like, getting outside and even taking a lap around the BSB, or, like, I love to walk on the Bear Trail if I have time. It's, like, 2.5 miles, I think it is. And so just doing those things are things that I notice, like, hey, I know I'm not using this time to study or to work to meet deadlines or whatever it is, but this is going to make all the difference in the end, is that I served, I mean, not served myself, but I was able to give myself something I needed, which is rest, which is honestly biblical, and so I struggle with sometimes not feeling guilty for that, but I do think rest is biblical, and just resting in his presence, and it really just comes down to you asking yourself what that looks like for you. So I think that's really important. I forget that it's so, like, hard to keep talking for, like, so long when I'm alone, but I'm trying to keep going. I have to go pee, actually. Okay, I'm back. So going back to the topic of burnout, I just think that it's a lot more common than you think it is, and I think once you start to be vulnerable about, you know, maybe how you're struggling with feelings of burnout, other people will quickly be like, oh, my gosh, me too, and that's just been my experience, especially at Baylor, and it sucks that a lot of us are struggling, but I also feel like it's just kind of part of, whether it be a hard major or just all the things of just life, like it's really easy to just get into this routine where you just wake up, you do the same thing, you go to sleep, and when you get into that thought of, okay, let's just get to Friday, and, you know, let's just get to spring break, which is kind of my mindset currently, it can really just feel like the days are longer, and burnout is just something that you just get used to, which I don't think is how we were meant to live, and so ways I try to combat that is just, like I said, kind of finding rest in ways that I can, whether that be taking the long way to class and just like taking in the sunshine, and it sounds so silly, but it really does make a difference, and so just doing things like that, spending time with people that fill you up, and even eating healthy I think is important, and I've been trying to do that to the best of my ability, but I'm honestly getting really tired.