Good For You Relationships

The speaker discusses the importance of wellness in relationships, focusing specifically on their relationships with their siblings. They emphasize the need for active listening and clear communication in these relationships. They share personal experiences with each sibling, highlighting the lessons learned and the growth that has occurred. The speaker emphasizes the value of open and honest communication, and the importance of practicing effective communication skills in all relationships. They conclude by discussing their relationship with their youngest sibling, acknowledging the age difference and the need to get to know each other better. Hey y'all, welcome to Kim's Labyrinth. So today we're going to be talking about wellness in our relationships. And I know typically when we hear about relationships and wellness, people are thinking of their romantic partnerships. But today I'm not going to be doing that. I'm going to be talking about my relationship with my siblings. But, of course, you all get in where you fit in. Okay, so let's get started. I talk to my siblings all the time throughout the week. And today's episode, they are heavily on my mind. Our relationship is one that is those good-for-you relationships. We have our moments, and the blessing is that we each know that we're always coming from places of love. We lost the baby boy, my little brother Harold. He was the third born and the second son. We lost him a few years ago from COVID complications. And I believe that that is one of the things to help bring all four of us a little bit closer than what we already were because I love my siblings. I work on strengthening the connection between myself and them. I do my part to maintain that good-for-you relationship. Having folks who give of themselves to you and you give yourself to them, it's very therapeutic. It's very healing. I know that I advocate for mental health professionals at every time, but I'm not opposed. We all are not going to be getting professional services. And therapy is not the only healing path that's out there or emotional path or path to wellness. Creating and maintaining good relationships is your job, but it's also mine. Nobody wants to do all of the heavy lifting. I give here, you give there. It's an exchange. That way we both benefit. So as we begin today's episode, I want you to feel free about the good-for-you relationships that you have in your life as I focus on these three good relationships that I have in my life today, and that is with my siblings. I'm going to be starting with the little sister, Myesha. One thing that Myesha has taught me is to work on my active listening skills. We had a little tussle a few years ago where I really just wasn't getting what she was saying. She was really trying to make an important point about something in her life that was a really big deal for her. She had expressed some concerns, and I was so busy trying to listen to respond to her that I completely missed everything that she was trying to say. So since I'm the big sis, and more often than not, I'm in a protective mode of them, I always have to still remember they don't need my protection like that. She did not need my protection at that point. What she needed was for me to hear her. She needed me to listen to her. At work, they do this thing a lot where someone is called upon in a meeting, and the person will say, oh, I'm sorry, can you repeat that because I was multitasking, which to me is very much code for I wasn't paying attention to you because I'm focusing on other things. And that is exactly the way that I did with Myesha when we were talking. Instead of me being fully present, instead of me asking clarifying questions and waiting until she had completed what she had to say, I jumped in immediately with my response, which just didn't go well. Since then I have come a long way. I have gotten a ton better, they'll tell you. We have gotten past that, of course, and I still will be jumping out the window for her because that's just what big sisters do a lot of times. But at least now I'm able to kind of think before I jump or sometimes hold myself back. So my relationship with Myesha, it is very important to me. She's one of my favorite sisters, and I love her. I know that we have a tendency to tune people out. It's natural. But when they're really trying to speak something to us, they really want us to listen. Sometimes there isn't anything for us to do but listen, and that's hard for a lot of us because we're in this world of do it now, fix it. Some of us have just been raised up in the environment where we're fixers, we're doers. If there's a problem, we're going to tackle it. But our relationships, they're not something to be tackled. They're not something that we have to jump in and hurry up and fix. It's these good forever relationships that take work. These are the ones that are good for us. These are the ones that we work on, we work together, and we do these things to try to make sure that this is a relationship that's important and I'm going to do all the things that I can do to ensure that my part is played. So before you get ready to respond when someone else is speaking to you, listen, what I learned was to count to five. And I know that sounds crazy. I know. Because when it was presented to me, I thought it was crazy. But it really does work sometimes. Now, I mean, because I don't do it all the time, but it works 100% of the time every time I do it. So next we're going to be talking about my big brother, Tony. People say communication is a skill that you have to work on in practice. And it is. And I have been working on it outside of my siblings for a while. But, you know, Tony, he has and continues to provide me the opportunity to practice in real time. And that's no shade. I think that we need to embrace these kinds of relationships that aren't just always giving you flowers and sunshine. Right? Me and Tony talk about everything. So we're going to be talking about topics that both of us differ on, and that is where he really provides me an opportunity to really grow. And I appreciate him for that, even if sometimes I don't say it. There are some things that he can say to me that nobody else can, because he's my big brother. At the same time, he does respect me, he honors me, and he takes counsel from me because he knows that I do have wisdom, I have information, and he knows that I'm always coming from a good place. We talk politics quite a bit, and we don't always agree on that. However, my brother does communicate well. And that's one thing that I really like about him is that he is a clear communicator to me. So when I have to take a breath before responding to him, I'm realizing that I'm growing, I'm learning, and he's giving me something that I need to chew on first and then go ahead and say something about it. We talk about childhood, we talk about sexuality, we talk about family dynamics. We were having a conversation last year around identity and kids and teenagers and young adults, and it wasn't going so well. I didn't want to talk about it anymore because I just wasn't getting it. But he did want to talk about it. The conversation was very important to him. And I think he could kind of sense that it was just not going the way that I guess he wanted it to go, and he would say, like, I'm not trying to be insensitive. I just feel like X, Y, Z. And that's an example to me of someone who has really good communication skills, but someone who is also emotionally intelligent enough to recognize that and kind of step in and de-escalate conversations and situations. So when that happened, I shifted. My tone shifted. The way I was thinking shifted. The way that I began to have the conversation back to him shifted. My brother leads by example in that. He is someone that is very open-minded, but he's also, how can I say it, he's very stern in his own beliefs, and he stands ten toes down. So we are safe with each other, and we are safe for each other. We don't have to guess what the other one is saying, and that's another thing that I really appreciate about him. I don't have to walk on eggshells around my brother, and he doesn't have to walk on them around me. We don't have to guess and risk damaging the relationship because one of us didn't guess right and beating around the bushes. We don't do that, and I appreciate him so much for that. I can literally be myself with my brother. He is my big brother, and he is the automatic favorite, and I love him. So outside of that, imagine if all of your interpersonal relationships were clear and honest. How much stress would be lifted if you didn't feel like you were pulling teeth trying to get information out of someone that's close to you? How would it feel if you had stood ten toes down to the last person that you beat around the bush with? So much of our lives are spent with and around others, and this life is heavy enough without that extra burden of carrying around all the things you did not say. Effective communication, it really is a skill, and it's an awesome skill. And the great thing about a skill is that it can be practiced and it can be worked on. It's not a hit and miss. It's not a one-time and then that's it. It's something that we all can work on, we all should work on, and we all should be practicing for the people in our lives and for ourselves. Showing up and have a good relationship if you're not around. So that's part of just having a really good open conversation with people and having those skills. The more that you're doing that, the more that you're able to communicate with others and they don't feel like you're someone that they can't talk to and that they need to kind of protect themselves from or build up boundaries against or someone that they just don't want to have in their life. So lastly, we're going to be talking about the baby sis, Tracy. This is where she comes into play. Now, Tracy did not get to grow up around me because when she came along, I was already headed off the pink house. There is a major age difference there. I was 18, 17 when Tracy was born, I believe. So, yeah, we had a big age difference there. Everywhere in my youth and young adult years, she just wasn't there. So by the time she was grown, I kind of really realized that we didn't know each other. I mean, I was stepping in and out during her growing up years, but if you know me, you know that I was a traveler. I was here and there and everywhere living my life like it was golden in my 20s and in my early 30s. So I really just wasn't there. So I realized I don't really know her and she doesn't know me. And it was really hard. I really didn't know how to fix that because I lived in a completely different state. We're good today and we talk and FaceTime all the time, but that's because we both work on it. And I do my best to make sure that I am available to her, that any time that she wants to talk to me, we can. The thing that I am learning about Tracy is, yeah, the thing I'm learning about Tracy and learning about myself is that she is more of an introvert than my siblings and definitely more than I am. So I'm learning how to adjust myself around like her needs and her wants and her comfort levels. Of course, this isn't a situation where anyone's bending over backwards for anybody, but this is a relationship that I care about. I have to learn how to take cues from her on, you know, how she wants to be with me in this particular situation or this conversation. So I do appreciate that she is open. She is fun to be around. She's young still. So she still has a lot of life and vitality. And she has a fresh view on things and people and relationships that I find very refreshing. I adore her. And she knows that there is not anything that I wouldn't do for her. And I know that one thing about her is that family connections bring her the most happiness. And in that, she gives off this energy of safety. And so I want to be part of what makes her happy in this world. I want to be part of what makes her feel safe in this world. There is a lot about Tracy that I have yet to learn, but she is important enough to me that she remains one of my favorite sisters, and I very much love her.