Candice out of body

The speaker describes an out-of-body experience they had while witnessing a shooting. They believe it was a way for their brain to protect them from the traumatic event. They also mention feeling comforted by the experience and how it made them realize they couldn't ignore the impact it had on them. They encourage others who have experienced similar trauma to seek support and not feel alone. A little earlier, you mentioned when you froze watching this incident, watching the bishop get shot and having an out-of-body experience. Can you expand on that a little more? Tell me about, I guess, what that felt like, if you have felt it since, why you think that happened? This is the one and only time I've ever felt something like this. It was like I had physically left my body and was watching from above. I think, in a way, it protected me because I didn't see as much of the gory stuff that had happened. Sure. I witnessed the shooting and then instantly I felt like I was floating above and I was watching me look at him and then him pointing. I feel like I could even see a different angle than I was, so I'm like, was I out of my body? I don't understand fully how that happens or I think it's like a way of my brain was trying to protect me, like fast action, like you don't need to see this. I don't know. That's just how it felt to me, but I remember, I can't even remember sitting on the couch at that point. Wow. It was like I physically got up and moved. The memory is not even there. Right. That is kind of a beautiful defense mechanism for something like this. I'm sure there's maybe a lot of people listening who've experienced similar things, maybe just surrounding violence in the home or elsewhere. It could just be like a brain defense mechanism. It could be religious and spiritual in the sense of being shielded from those things, but it's really, I've never had an experience like that. It's a really beautiful thing that happened to you. Did it feel scary or did it feel, I guess even like shortly after looking back thinking like, oh wow, I don't really, I don't know if remember is the right word, but like, oh, probably should have seen more than I saw. Was that a scary thought? Like, oh my gosh, I'm like losing my mind or was it like a comforting thought? Like, thank you. I'm so glad I didn't have to see that. It was definitely comforting. It was like kind of weird because I've never had something like that happen, but it was definitely comforting and I think it felt more like everything was on pause even in my mind, everything stopped, but I don't even know if it actually stopped it, you know? Yeah. I love that. Thanks. I was like, sorry, I don't know another like segue to that, you know, I'm like, that is crazy though. Yeah. As I think about it more, I'm like, wow, that was interesting. Yeah, I really do think that the mind can be a really powerful tool in protecting us. Yeah. Obviously it's not perfect because we hurt and we, yeah, but that's pretty cool. I just have another thing that same day, like after the experience. Yeah, please. I don't know if we'll add this, but, um. Yeah, everything was just. I remember after that whole experience, I wanted to just not dwell on it and just move on. And the weird thing is that day for some reason, everyone had some reason they were late to church that day. That's why when I was sitting there, no one was coming. Right. And people started showing up and they're like, what's going on? Like the cops were there and everyone had missed it. And they're like, for some reason, my alarm was turned off. Like everyone had this experience. It wasn't a miracle in itself, but I remember going after going home, they obviously canceled church. Um, so I went home and I remember just thinking like, I don't want to think about this. I don't want to talk about this. My parents were freaked out and I was like, I just want to go to my friend's house. So I went up to my friend's house and luckily his, his dad was a therapist. So he kind of talks to me. And then after that, I remember thinking, okay, I just want to move on. And then we went to a park that, that day and we were just swimming and I saw a hooded man coming and I instantly started freaking out. And that was the moment I realized, dang it, this is, I can't just push this out. I can't put this aside. Like this has affected me. And I remember wanting to just, I kept staring at that guy and I wanted to be like scream or do something. I'm like, why do I feel this way? It was so conflicting. And that's when I realized like, I can't just pretend this didn't happen. Right. Why do you think you had that inkling in the first place to push it out? It sounds like your parents were concerned and maybe like trying to talk to you about it and you're like, peace out. I'm going to a friend's house. So it doesn't sound maybe so much like them or maybe it did. Like how were you raised as kind of like a, you haven't got, you've got a problem, like put it in the back of your mind. We don't talk about feelings or was it just something that, you know, you're a teenager and you're just figuring it out. Was it like that type of mentality with an outside force or just an internal thing that you just tried to do? I think it was more, I'm, I'm normally pretty happy, upbeat, positive, like that's good. And this is a huge disruptive thing to my vibe. Right, right. So I think one, I didn't, first I think I was still in shock. Like there's no way that actually happened. And I, then I didn't, I felt guilty that I was alive. And then third, yeah, I think I just didn't want, I didn't want to be bogged down by it in a sense. Like I wanted to keep being happy, but I knew I wasn't and I didn't like that. Right. Yeah. It was a very big incident that would mess with one's vibe. Yeah. Oh my gosh. My stomach is growling. Can you hear it? I'm like, can you just chill out? Um, so like I said, you're the only person I've ever met that has witnessed a murder or something so violent, really just in general from an outside force. I'm going to rephrase that. Like I said, you're the only person I've met who's witnessed a murder, let alone a murder in a church building and kind of a designated act of violence. I'm sure many people can relate to your story in one way or the other, whether that themselves have witnessed a murder or has been in a really violent act of aggression or witnessed such a thing. Is there something like a message of hope that you'd like to give to people? I mean, I know you, you gave us some tips on things that really helped you journaling, leaning on your savior. Is there anything else that you'd like to tell somebody who's experienced something similar and who has struggled or is struggling with PTSD? I would say to not, you don't have to go through this alone. I went through a lot of my PTSD triggers and things alone because I felt like I should be over it by now. So definitely reach out, get help. I don't know if there is a group, there probably is, but find people who do understand. Because I remember feeling pretty isolated and dumb for feeling that way. I know people were like, wow, that's a big thing to go through. But that's about all they can comprehend. And so I remember getting scared of fireworks, for example, or certain movies. People I felt like didn't understand. And I knew they couldn't understand me. And so finding some help, someone to talk to, really, I think that would have helped me more. So definitely don't feel like you're alone. And yeah, there is hope. It's not going to linger with you forever in the way that it is now if you're experiencing it. That's beautiful. And we'll link some groups that we find, some maybe like 1-800 call centers if it's something that you're witnessing and struggling with and are having a hard time finding someone to speak to. We'll link those in our show notes. How do we send these off? How do we send these off? How do we send off? Like... Um...