ANT&BUG Episode 1

Bug the Ant is a podcast sponsored by Winky and Al. The hosts, Bug and his wife Tokia, discuss their upbringing and how they met. Tokia grew up in a single-parent household and came from a poor family. Bug, on the other hand, grew up in a close-knit family and considered himself middle class. They met at an AP camp and later reconnected at a college party. Hello world, welcome to the first episode of Bug the Ant and before we get started I just want to shout out to our sponsor, this podcast is sponsored by Winky and Al, so whenever you're in your local audience and you want to get you something cool to chill with your baby, you know what I'm saying, for a wine night, date night, make sure you stop in your local audience and get you some Winky and Al. So before we begin this podcast, I want to introduce my co-host, my lovely wife, Tokia Abrams. Hey, how y'all doing? So let's begin, so first we're going to talk about pretty much how we both grew up. I'm going to let Tokia start first, she's a female, so tell them a little bit about your backstory. Okay, I grew up in a single parent household, really under the guidance of my grandmother and pretty much raised by my sister's Westwood area. I went to our neighborhood schools and had to go the round walking distance. Tell them, you know, did you come from a rich family or poor family? Okay, definitely came from a poor family. We, you know, food stamps, free commodities, whatever we could get, you know, try to make ends meet. It was six of us. My grandmother took us in. So, you know, it was a lot on her, you know, being that she was old and she really couldn't work much. She did what she could to make ends meet. My sisters, them that were older, they worked, you know, they did what they could, side jobs, hair, whatever. So it was, it was pretty rough. Not, well for me, not so much for me in perspective, because like I was younger and I really kind of didn't understand. I didn't understand until I got to school and I realized, you know, like, yikes, you know, like I don't have, I don't have what everybody else have. Like, you know, why, why I got to walk to school in the rain and the snow and my friends getting dropped off. Or, you know, why I'm still wearing this thing, why I got to wear two or three jackets and I don't have a coat like everybody else. Or, why I'm wearing these fishnet shoes and it's the summertime with two or three I mean, it's the wintertime with two or three fresh socks on. And I want to say, I think that was about middle school when reality started to hit or whatever. And my family, recently without, without saying, you would think me like the struggle with like how to bring us together, but I want to say, honestly, I think the struggle kind of ripped us apart. Like my family not as close-knit as most families will, you know, the American families should be or whatever. I feel like we was kind of basically raised off of survival than love or whatever. It was kind of, every man was for himself. I hate to say this, you know, and I hope I don't offend anybody, but that's how I really feel like it is or whatever. It's like a lot of selflessness instead of selfishness. The way I was brought up. So pretty much my backstory, you know, we both from Memphis, Tennessee. We both actually from the same neighborhood. It's just that it's kind of like the prince and the pauper. You know what I'm saying? Like, like she said, she kind of grew up, you know, with a different struggle than I did. You know, whereas with me, I came up in a two parent household, close-knit family, cookouts, you know, every other weekend, celebrate holidays together. And I'm the oldest out of my family, out of my household family. I'm the oldest. So I didn't really have the guidance of a big brother or big sister or somebody showing me what you're supposed to do. You know, everything I pretty learned was pretty often just watching and seeing or looking at the examples of my parents. I would say we was poor. We wasn't rich, but we was kind of considered, I guess in Memphis, we was considered middle class. So, you know what I'm saying? And I pretty much, you know, was able to get everything that I, you know, wanted and asked for. You know, my parents, you know, they did the best they could to make sure we could have everything. As far as schools, I went to neighborhood schools, but the thing that my mom and dad, they always put us in the best neighborhood school or whatnot. So it was like, you know, for instance, if I stayed in this neighborhood where it was three schools, I'm going to the best out of the three schools. And being so close-knit, my parents always tell us that, you know, family comes first. So I'm big on family. You know what I'm saying? So that's what I grew on, family. Like my friends, we still close together to this. I still have the same friends since day one. And pretty much all the relationships that I have, I've had since day one. Like these are not new relationships. So I was big on friendship, relationship. You know what I'm saying? Just being close-knit with people, you know what I'm saying, that you love. I did, you know what I'm saying? I will say that it wasn't easy having both parents at home. I know a lot of people think that, but it wasn't easy. We still had struggles as well. Mom and dad still had things they had to deal with on top of, you know what I'm saying, raising kids. Granted, you know what I'm saying, I think that they didn't involve us in what they had going on, but we still were able to understand that they had a life, too, and they had things they had to work on in order to make sure that my family, our household, was able to survive and make it to the next level or whatnot. We both went to school. We both graduated high school. We both graduated college. My wife, she ended up graduating master's degree. And basically, I'm going to get into how we met. So actually, funny story is my mom used to make me go to these camps every summer in high school. It was a technology camp, basketball camp, football camp, school camp, book camp. I always had to go to a camp every summer because she didn't like us sitting at the house, you know, during the summer or whatnot. So one summer, I actually met my wife at this AP camp, which was like for kids in advanced placement. For those that don't know, you go to this camp in the summer, and it's kind of like give you a heads up on kind of like what you're going to deal with when you take AP classes in the fall once you go back to your normal school or whatnot. And I actually ran into my wife, Tokia, at one of those camps. To be honest, I thought it was just like we just didn't count together. We cool. So, you know what I'm saying? We're just going to be cool because we're here together. We both here. But to be honest, I was forced to go. You know what I'm saying? So it was like I was just entertaining because I had to be there. Like, it's just is what it is. I had to go. It wasn't no, I didn't want to go none of that. So that's why I ended up, you know, meeting her at the camp. But in reality, we would see each other throughout the year. But like I said, it was just awesome. Like, we were just cool in camp. So I never thought it would make it past anything. But the AP summer camp, hey, I made it to see you around. Hey, how you doing and whatnot. And that's just pretty much how I met her, you know, first. And then we went to school. We both went to graduate high school in our separate ways. And we ended up going to two rival colleges, which is TSU and JSU. For those that, you know, don't know, Tennessee State University, Jackson State University, they had this big game every year in Memphis called the Southern Heritage Classic. And so how we met, basically, we both was going to the after party. Same kind of scenario with AP camp. I was forced to go to the after party because my friend had printed out some tickets. Shout out to my friend, Louis P. But he printed out some free tickets and he was trying to go there to meet, you know, a group of friends that he had at TSU. I was new to TSU because I transferred from a small private college before I went to Tennessee State University. So I was forced to go to the party because I'm just trying to get cool, trying to, you know, meet new people, you know, learn new people at the school and whatnot. And I ended up running into Toki again at the party. And I was like, man, I got to go and get her number. You know what I'm saying? Like, we already cool. I already know her. I might as well go and get her number just to have somebody. I'm looking at it like just to have somebody to talk to while I'm in school since I already know where we grown at. You know what I'm saying? Maybe she on some different vibes now. So that was my experience of meeting her. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. She might tell you a different experience or whatnot. Pretty much same thing what he said. I was at the AP camp because, like I said, y'all know my background. So I knew education was my only way out. I literally have little to no talent. I can't pray. I can't dance. I can't sing. I can't rap. I just knew I was smart. So education was my only way out. So AP camp, yeah, I definitely took it serious. I had a boyfriend at the time. So I didn't want to, you know, try to come on to him. But I did write my name on his paper, and I was hoping he was going to come on to me and whatever. So when I wrote my name on his paper, I was expecting him to say, I ain't going to put your number with it. But, answer the big question about it, he is. He wrote his name on my paper. And I was like, no, no, no, no. It's not how it goes, whatever. So, and then I seen him again. I was running concessions for Westwood at the White Hazen game. And I was like, hey, I know y'all was excited to see him. And he was like, what's up? He was real dry. I was like, oh, yeah, you know, I'm good. I'm straight on him. You know, he's not going to, because at that point in time, I was the claimant of the crop. You know, I was class president, valedictorian, captain of the Chilean team. You know, couldn't nobody tell me nothing at that point in my life. So, I'm like, I'm not going to let nobody treat me like average. He could, you know, he can go about his business. So, we seen each other again at the Southern Heritage Classic or whatever. It was an after party. And I was with my friend who was in the bathroom taking pictures. And we came out, and he was right there at the door. He scared me a little. I was like, oh, my God, where he come from? I'm like, I know him or whatever. I tell my friend, I'm like, I know him. Yeah, I was like, I know him or whatever. And, you know, that kind of brushed it off. I was like, okay, we don't know him or whatever. But, I don't know, I didn't think that of it. Because, you know, I can just remember, like, he treated me like I was average or whatever. So, I was really pretty good. I was pretty good up on him. And then he came up to me, and he was talking to me or whatever. I'm a little embarrassed to say what happened. What should I say? You can go. He was like, yo, you been dead. I was like, oh, my God. First of all, I can barely talk. But I did give him an answer. I was about to leave, and he was like, give me your number. Right when I was about to get ready, you know, I'm like, okay, cool. This guy turned around and asked his friend for his phone. I was like, oh, my God, this boy ain't got his phone. So, it was just like all this crazy stuff. He ain't this boy ain't got no phone. So, it was just like all this crazy stuff or whatever. You know, I'm just like, you know, maybe one. I don't know. Like I said, I didn't know where it was going because I was getting out of a relationship. And I told myself I wasn't going to date again until I graduated. That was my main focus or whatever. I don't know. Afterwards, he ended up adding me on Snapchat. After he got my number, he was texting me. And, you know, I really loved how the conversation was going and all this. So, I decided to continue on. So, that's kind of pretty much the back story. And, you know, like how we met each other, where we came from. And another thing that we're going to touch on is basically, you know, like what made us feel like this is the person I want to be in a relationship with. You know what I'm saying? And so, for me, like I said, I wouldn't say I was a player, but I always just weighed my options out. I never kind of just stuck to one girl or whatnot. I'd be committed to one girl, but I'm still kind of on the side, you know, just having conversations with another girl. Because that's just the type of person I am. I'm a Scorpio. So, you know what I'm saying? Like I don't trust people just off the bat. I always think like it's always something up with them when they're talking to me. You know what I'm saying? So, what made me feel like she was the one, actually, to be honest, I got kicked out of school. And when I got kicked out of school, I had to go back home. Another thing about Memphis, when you leave school and go back home, your chance of getting back out and doing what you said you was going to do is really slim to none. Because once you get back home, you get settled. You start to procrastinate. You start to be like, I'll do this next year. I'll do that next year. And when I got kicked out of school, because she was, you know, like she said about her tutorials, about her book work, I was embarrassed to tell her that like, yeah, I got kicked out of school because my grades ain't the best. And when I told her, her initial thing was, okay, what you going to do about going back to school? Like, you want to go back? What you going to do to go back? And I was like, damn. Like, she really cared about me. Like, she ain't really like on my team a little bit. Like, she asked me what I'm going to do next. I ain't even thought about what I'm going to do next. I'm just thinking I'm going to work, try to get me a car, get an apartment, and just take life from there. But when she said it, it kind of motivated me. Like, I kind of want to go back to school. You know what I'm saying? Like, she got faith that I could do it. Not saying that I couldn't graduate college, but it's just some faith. Like, if you've ever been to college, it's very hard and it's very mentally challenging. Like, it's mentally, mentally challenging. Like, to the point to where it's like, bro, I signed up for the wrong thing. You know what I'm saying? Like, I could have just been working in college today. Because in reality, you really don't make money in college when you go to college. You still have to work. You still have to study. You still have to get an internship. So, in my mind, I'm like, man, this is not going to be it. And when she said it, a light bulb went on. Like, yeah, dude, you can do this. So, I ended up taking a little classes at the community college or whatnot. And I got back in school. And when I got back in school, she was still like, even harder. Like, okay, now you're back. You need to graduate. You need to do what you need to do. Go to class. That's what I was doing. Because your life is your life. You can't sit around and kick the bubble with these folks. Because they're going to do that. They may be able to kick the bubble and make straight A's and graduate. But that's not the plan for you. So, you got to do something different. And so, when she said that, I was kind of stuck. You know what I'm saying? Since then, like, is she on my team or whatnot? Okay. So, from my point of view, you know, they always say, well, they don't always say that. But in my perspective, when I was looking for, you know, the person I wanted to be with, I wanted to be with somebody who I felt like completed me. Like, okay, yeah, completed me is a good word. With me personally, even with friendships, relationships, whether I'm talking to somebody or whatever, I feel like it has to be beneficial. Like, I don't have time to waste. I'm not trying to sound cocky or mean or anything. But I have to be able to learn or impact from you. Or, you know, have an impact on you. I mean, have an impact from you. Because I'm going to create an impact on you, and you're going to learn from me. And I need for this to be two-sided. So, when I was talking to Anthony with our relationship, he just, he had all of the qualities that I lacked. Like, compassion, you know. Like, compassion, sincere. He thought I was out of the box. For me, I'm straight book sense. Like, kind of negative zero in street sense. I mean, negative one, negative everything in street sense or whatever. So, you know, he was just all of it. You know, Joe began for me. He helped me create a thoughtful version of myself. I feel like he helped better me as a, you know, as a woman, as a family woman, as a mother. You know, it's crazy how that sounds. This is a person. And I feel like he helped kind of heal my heart, you know, in ways that I didn't know it needed to be healed. And he was gentle like my dad, and I really loved that about him. So, next we're going to talk about some of the goals that we had, you know, going into this relationship. You know what I'm saying? Like, you definitely have to set goals. That's one of the biggest things you have to do when you're in a relationship. You have to set goals, and you have to stand by them. You know what I'm saying? Whether your partner knows about your goals or the goals you all have together or personal goals that you have in a relationship, you definitely have to get that out there to let it be known, like, I have certain goals that I want. So, certain goals that I had, not the bad kind of one, but most of the females I kind of got in a relationship with, they were big on their self. They cared about, you know what I'm saying, looking good all the time, going out, kicking it, being there ride or die, being able to take pictures, you know what I'm saying, with the football player or the little fresh dude, you know what I'm saying? Like, that's basically what most of them were with me for, and I just never felt like they really just liked me. They just liked the image of me, what I bring. Like, when you take me home to your mama, your mama's going to fall in love every time. Like, it's not, nobody, mom or dad or uncles or anybody that hasn't fell in love with me. So, my goal was like, I just want to make sure she's for me. You know what I'm saying? Like, she don't care about if I'm fresh today, if I got a haircut. If I'm, you know what I'm saying, like, she cares about me personally. Like, if I'm good, if I'm maintained, if my mental is there. And that was one of my biggest goals, and she was able to, you know, achieve that goal within our relationship. And another goal of mine that I wanted was, I used to always say my last girlfriend was gone. My next girlfriend was going to be my last girlfriend, and I meant it, you know what I'm saying? So, with that being said, on my end, I just made sure that I was honest, compassionate, you know what I'm saying? What's the word I'm trying to say? Just know that it's sincere. You know what I'm saying? I was just trying to make sure I was sincere and not come off as an a-hole, you know what I'm saying? Because a lot of people, if you know me, you know, you know what I'm saying, I can be an a-hole at times. And I just always tell her, like, I'm not the boyfriend type. Like, I'm just not the boyfriend type. So, my goal was to try to be the boyfriend type with her. And she can elaborate a little more on what her goals were. So, with me, like I said, right, it's about survival. I'm always, I feel like I'm always in survival mode. Like, I'm always my, I'm not, you know, too quick to trust, I'm not too quick to ask for help, I'm not too quick to depend on nobody. Because I just always feel like I'm going to be disappointed. So, I was looking for somebody who I felt like could be, you know, dependable, somebody that could help me lift the burden. Even though I didn't at the time know that that's what I was looking for. Like I said, I was raised in a house with mamas, big sisters, I just got two little brothers, but mamas, big sisters, grandmothers. I was raised in a house with men. So, you know, getting that feeling of security from a man, that was something like, uh, it was something that I wasn't used to, that I kind of fell in love with or whatever. So, you know, I just wanted to make sure that he stayed consistent with it. And, you know, like he actually wanted some goals out here in life. Because it was like, I knew for a fact that I was, you know, I was going somewhere. I wanted to make sure he was going somewhere as well or whatever. Or, you know, let me help you get to where you're trying to be. Or, you know, make sure you're trying to be, let me see, open and receptive or whatever to, you know, what I got to say. I think that's pretty much what I, I hope it's not all over the place. You're good, you're good. So, like I said, we met in 2015, made it official in 2015. And we fast forward to 2023, we're married. You know what I'm saying? So, you know what I'm saying? A lot of people in our generation feel like marriage is not worth it. It's a waste of time. It's a scam. It only benefits the woman. And we're just going to talk about what it's like being married at a young age, under 30. For me, being married under 30, it's a big test. I'm going to be real. It's very challenging. It's a big test because I grew up seeing a certain type of marriage. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm used to dad going to work, mom going to work. We come home, it is what it is. You know, they do what they got to do, pay the bills. And that's how the relationship works. But, being that I'm married now, I understand why my mom and dad used to drop us off at grandma's house to go on dates. You know what I'm saying? I understand why it'll be times where they'll go out of town together. You know what I'm saying? So, being married under 30, you definitely have to keep that thrive there. You know what I'm saying? Because one thing that we get misunderstood is that I married to a kid at 26, 27. Five years from now, that's not the same kid that I married. And I'm learning at a young age that even three months ago when we got married that that's not the same kid that I married. And it's just a matter of you have to keep that same love going. And that's the biggest thing. You have to keep it going. You have to keep new ways in the relationship moving. You just have to do this in order to have a successful marriage. And being that we're not at a year yet, but we're not far from a year. But, like I said, it's definitely a challenge. I'm not going to lie and say that it's not a challenge. But, it's worth it. You know what I'm saying? We're both depending on each other. We both need each other. And the biggest thing that we both do being married under 30 is put our trust in God. You know what I'm saying? We're big faithful Christian people. And one thing that we do is trust in God to help us guide this relationship. And that's just how I feel being married under 30. True. Shout out to Pastor Watkins. Because they're pre-military counseling. He helped open my eyes to a lot of things about marriage that I didn't even think about. Because, you know, you know how we are as women. And as soon as you hear the word submissive, like, what? I'm not submitting that. Blah, blah, blah. But the way, I'm not going to drop his gym or whatever. But the way that he explained it, you know, and lined it out for us. And, like, the way to, you know, he told us about communication. He taught us, like, the sandwich method and stuff. Like, that really helped out, too. As far as, like, being married so young, I want to say that the hardest part for me is, like, friends and family, close friends and family, you know, support and wisdom and guidance. Even while planning a wedding or whatever. Like, you know, I got, I was, how old was I? 26 when I started wedding planning or whatever. And, you know, I didn't have a friend who had been through that process before. And I had my bridesmaids, you know, like, they wasn't as aware of what outcomes with a wedding. So, you know, like I said, I'm the type of person I don't like to ask for much help. It's kind of hard, you know, trying to get people on board with, you know, being supportive of the bride and being supportive of the groom or whatever. I mean, yeah, just being our support and being somebody, you know, that we can kind of lean on. Because, you know, everybody got their own thing going on. And it's like we're elevated, we're elevated at a point where, we're elevated at a, not a point, but at a process that's not normal. Like being home owners and parents and married. You know, like we don't have too many friends or, you know, family members that we kind of can reach out to and touch, you know, around our age range that are on the same path as us. So, you know, it's lonely, it's lonely at the top. So, it's hard, you know, I don't want to go and vent about, you know, something that's going on or whatever to single friends or, you know, or to non-married friends. Because, you know, whether you just, you know, you just dated somebody, you know, or they're like a baby, this is totally, totally different situations than, you know, actually when somebody's your husband. If that makes sense. I think I got, I think I got, I got two of them. Do you understand what I'm saying Anthony? Yeah, I do. So, elaborate more on, you know, being married on the 30th. One thing I will say, like some, say some little helpful keys, little free game. Something that me and Tajid did, we actually stayed together before we were married. And I know a lot of people say that's a no-no and you shouldn't do that. But it helped us understand, like, okay, Anthony's going to wake up some day and he's going to be crazy. Most days. He's going to wake up some day and he's going to be crazy. And she's going to be crazy, excuse me. And, you know what I'm saying, like, it's, you know, when you're having a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, it's easy to go talk to your friend, be like, yeah, man, bruh, she did this and she found this and woo-woo-woo. But when you're married, it's like you're just talking to yourself because you can't go tell your friend. You can tell them, like, yeah, man, I'm not feeling this today, man. She cursed me out or she got mad and yelled at me because I didn't put the socks in the drawer. You know what I'm saying? And they're going to look at you like, well, don't leave her, man. Keep it pushing. But it don't work like that when you're married because, you know what I'm saying, we made a bond before God and before everyone, letting them know, like, we're going to be together forever. So it's kind of, that's one thing I would say, you know, being married on the 30th, it's very hard to talk to people that's not married. You know what I'm saying? It's very hard to talk to someone who has not gone through what you've gone through. All they ever did was boyfriend and girlfriend. So being married on the 30th, I'm not saying it's a scary one, but I'm just saying it's definitely some things that you have to work on, that I say you should work on before you get married. You know what I'm saying? Date a lot. You know what I'm saying? That's one of the biggest things, you know, that keeps a relationship going when you're married or dating. You know what I'm saying? Just be there. And another thing that I would say, like, the biggest thing for me was, you know, most men, we want to make sure we got this big job, this career, this money, you know, house, all this, before we say we want to get married to a woman. But I'm here to tell you that you're not going to get that money today. You're not going to get that career today. It's not going to happen next year. It may happen in a couple years, but it's not going to happen in the timeline that you think it's going to happen. And one thing that I say as a man, you got to understand that women move on an age timeline. We don't move on an age timeline. So, you know what I'm saying? Most women at 25, they expect this. At 27, they expect this. At 28, they expect this. As far as men, it's like, I ain't going to start getting married, having kids until I get this money. I got this job I said I was going to have. I can mess with all the girls I want to mess with. But in reality, that's not how you get to a happy marriage and a successful marriage at a young age. You have to put your pride to the side, for sure. You know what I'm saying? You have to understand that you're not necessarily responsible for her happiness, but you don't want to be with somebody and you can't make them happy. You know what I'm saying? That's not my job every day to get up and make sure Toki is happy. That's not my job. But my job is to also make sure that Toki is comfortable, she's secure, you know what I'm saying? She ain't stressing about things that she shouldn't be stressing about. And me being a man, I should be there to do the man things that a man is supposed to do. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, a man is supposed to provide, protect, and have wisdom. And I feel like if you don't have those three things, it's going to be hard to have a successful marriage under 30. Yeah, I do want to add for my ladies. Make sure, you know, because I've seen it too many times, make sure that you date yourself and you fall in love with yourself before you get in a relationship and get married. Because like Anthony said, it ain't his job to make sure. I mean, I need to be happy on my own or whatever. You know, of course, he should have some impact towards that, but I should be able to be happy and healthy within myself. You know, if you're waking up every day and you're angry about something or you hate something about yourself, it's not time for you to be in a relationship yet. Start dating. Take yourself out on dates. You know, think in line what you like or whatever. You don't want to get too deep in a relationship with somebody and you realize, this is not really what I want or who I want or whatever. Because then, you know, feelings get hurt and crazy things start to happen. So just fall in love and date yourself first and then figure out what you like and go from there. Another thing I will say, adding to being married under 30, fellas, I'm sorry to snitch on y'all, but we definitely do know whether we want to marry a woman within the first three months. You know what I'm saying? I can attest to that. Like, I definitely know I want to marry her within the first three months of being with her. So, you know what I'm saying? If you know that, one thing I will say as a man, like, just challenge yourself. Like, you're going to see females every single day. You know, the way social media set up, you're going to see the nice bodies and the food. It's always going to be somebody that looks better, just like from a female perspective. It's always going to be another dude that looks better, taller, muscular, fresher, more money. It's always going to be that. But if that's the person that's for you, you're going to do what you got to do to make sure you keep that person and hold on to that person. Because one of the biggest things I can say is that we deal with this in this generation is we want to live on this. But I'm not getting married unless I can pay all the bills and all that. And I'm going to be real. That's not reality. You know what I'm saying? It's just not. You know what I'm saying? That's not reality. There's times where it's going to be 50-50, 70-25. Sometimes it's going to be 90-10%. There's times it's going to be 95-5%. And you just got to understand it. You know what I'm saying? And if you guys can get past it, that will make the relationship very healthy. Because at the end of the day, it's a partnership. It's not a dictatorship. Yeah, I'm the man, and I got the balls, and I'm the one who's supposed to answer the door. Somebody come in unexpected. Yeah, that's true. But at the end of the day, there's still other things that you have to do besides just trying to be the provider, if that makes sense. Yeah. And that brought me back to what Pastor Watson was telling us about the joint account. Like both monies on there, two is better than one. And you digging out of that account for the bills, it don't matter who's is whose. As long as the bills are getting paid and needs and wants are being met. At the end, I will say, as far as being married under 30, like she said with the two accounts, I'm not going to put our business out there, but both of us putting our salaries together is way more than me and her trying to work off, okay, you work up your salary, I'm going to work up my salary. We're not going to get nowhere. We're going to keep bumping heads because eventually somebody's salary is going to run out. You know what I'm saying? It's just real talk. Somebody's money is going to run out. Somebody's going to lose a job. Somebody's going to be sick. Things don't happen. You got kids. Just any type of thing. You may wake up one day, don't even want to do that job no more. So you got to understand that it's a partnership. So you're just doing whatever to get your goal of if it's 200,000 households, 300,000 households, you want to do whatever you can to make sure that you reach your goal. Whether it's you make 100,000 a year and you make 50,000 a year, that's $150,000 that child gets as a household income. It does not matter if she makes more, you make more. That's kind of silly. You know what I'm saying? It's a partnership at the end of the day because you may be the man that makes six figures a year and she don't do nothing, but it's going to come a day where you're not going to be able to make those six figures no more. So you don't have nobody that can come in and fill in like a partner. It's going to be very tough and difficult, and that's where problems come in in a relationship. And one thing that I think me and my wife, you know, that we have really down-packed is that we don't really pay attention to like who make what, who make these. It's about what can we bring to the table together? How can we get these bills paid? And we go from there. The most important thing is being able to maintain and sustain the life that we both work hard for and we dream for. And that's just the biggest thing I can say about being married under 30. Fast forward, of course, you know, since we've been together for a long time, we have kids. We're getting ready to bring in actually our third child, our newborn. Shout out to Amora. She'll be here next Friday. So we're getting ready to bring in our newborn child. We have two boys so far, and we're about to have a girl. It's going to be three kids. So you know what I'm saying? This is something that me and some kids both definitely was not expecting to do. You know what I'm saying? She was planning on being this, you know, bachelorette, you know, living the life and working at this top corporation and just making buckoos of money, having a penthouse, you know, and I pretty much had the same kind of mindset. But when we had kids, we really came together even closer because we wanted to make sure that our kids, even though, you know, like I said, I had a pretty decent life. You know, she had a different life than me, but it was still good enough for her to make it to where she's at today. We wanted our kids to have better. And so one thing that I can say, you know, life with kids is, like I said, just with marriage, it's challenging. You know what I'm saying? Like, and it definitely makes you very appreciative of the things that your parents did and didn't do. You know what I'm saying? When you have kids. So one thing I can say, like, life with kids is fun. They bring you luck. You know what I'm saying? But the most important thing is you got to have kids with somebody that you really like, that you really mess with. That's the most important thing. Like, you got to watch their family. You know what I'm saying? I'm just going to be real. You know what I'm saying? Like, you got to look at the mom, their dad, their brother, their sister, their cousin. What type of people are these folks? How are they with their kids? That lets you know, okay, her side is not really cool with kids or they don't really like kids. Or my side don't really cool with kids. That lets you know, okay, he was raised around a bunch of people that don't really care about their kids. They're just going to make sure their kids get this, this, this, and move on. And so that was the biggest thing with me. And I feel like that's a lot of reason why people with kids, you know, don't understand what's going on. Because we didn't even have to. If we weren't together, I feel like our kids would still have the same life that they got now. Because that's the type of relationship we have. Whether we was together, we married, or we separated, whatever the case may be. I just feel like me and her both was on this page that we want our kids to have a different life than what we had. And I will also say that, you know, having kids makes you get on your grind a little faster. You know what I'm saying? Like you said you was going to do this or be this entrepreneur or start this business. Kids definitely make you get on it now. And one thing that I feel like people mess up with kids is they think that the dream is over. The dream is not over. It's just the dream may be stalled a little bit, but the dream is not over. I really, I really, like a lot of people, kids slow down a lot of people or whatever. But I can't, I can't say the same is true for me. It's like I knew what I wanted in life or whatever. Of course, yeah, kids switch my goals or whatever. I wanted to, I wanted to, I don't know, because it's not true. Because I wanted to work in corporate America. I wanted to have like a successful career in business. And that's what I got. So, and they're my motivation. I know, I always thought that I would be the type of person that put my career ahead of my family or whatever, because, you know, I was really big on success. But now it's like, you know, if my kids think I really don't care about this job, whatever, you know, I hate to say I hope I don't get in trouble for saying it. But, you know, my kids gonna always come first for me. And after having them like I got pregnant during the pandemic after having them, like they have impacted my life. Like, so like they are my motivation. Like, um, before, before I was working with this company and if I experienced any little adversity, I probably would quit because I'm like, oh, I'm over. I'm well qualified. I can find another good job anywhere else or whatever. So, uh, I'm gone. You know, I'm gonna be out my two week notice and I'm going to another company. But now it's like, okay, girl, you got kids or whatever. You can't afford to just be moving around. You can't roll dice with your life, which is, you know, it has helped me come stronger both physically and mentally. Like I'm now I've used the adversity to build my character like a diamond in the rough or whatever. Like in the beginning of this job, I probably would have, you know, if I didn't have kids, I probably would have left a long time ago because it's supply chain. But it's also like IT work. It was something that I thought, you know, there's nothing that I can do. You know, I was very discouraged or whatever. I didn't have like a good work life balance and I didn't have a good coworker. Like I didn't have a good relationship with my coworkers. And I feel like, you know, the none among me would have left because I had nothing to lose or whatever. But the mom in me, you know, helped me to keep fighting and keep pushing and moving on. And now it's like, you know, here I am still a promotion. You know, it's a promotion and pay raises later. I'm still holding strong and, you know, I'm able to, you know, at one point it was hard for me to grasp information. Now I'm training and assigning information to new employees. So I definitely say they were my motivation or whatever. They're my heart. Don't get me wrong. You know, I love them when they take a nap. But, you know, I still, you know, I still love them. I still, you know, I appreciate and I thank God for them, you know, for me being able to be fruitful. But just know that this will be the last one after I give birth to Amora. I think I met my quota. I met my goal. And I know God and I was fruitful enough. I tripled the fruit. So, yeah, just to re-go over kind of what we, you know, just talked about. Just a few little key points to leave that with, you know, before we end the show. First, like I said, you got to find that partner and you got to set you some goals. You know what I'm saying? If you don't set you no goals within this relationship, it's not going to go nowhere. Because you don't have anything to look forward to, anything to conquer, anything to achieve. You know what I'm saying? You got to set goals. Two, don't be afraid to ask that question if there's somebody you really genuinely love and see yourself with for the rest of your life. And be cautious of your partner. If your partner tells you that she's not ready, you know what I'm saying, just accept it. You know, shout out to Amora. He wants to make an appearance. But one thing I will say is you definitely have to understand your partner and know that if your partner's not ready, she's not ready. As far as with kids, you cannot plan kids. You know, that's the biggest thing I'm going to tell people. You cannot plan kids. And if you try to plan kids, it's not going to go the way you know it. So the biggest thing I can say, you know, to elaborate with the kids or whatnot is you can't plan them and make sure you choose the right partner. And if you don't choose the right partner, and this is to my men out here before I close. If you don't choose the right partner, you slip up or whatnot the case may be, that is your responsibility. Step up, do what you got to do, and take care of your child. You don't have to be a happy mom, a happy husband and wife for staying in the same house to raise your kids. Like I know several friends and families who had separate households and they still was raised the right way. So the biggest thing, you know, for men that I want y'all to understand is take care of your child. You know, do what you got to do to take care of your child. And then when you have a family and you create a family, this is another thing I want to tell men. You're going to have to do what you don't have to do. You know what I'm saying? So if you call yourself want to be a business owner, a musician, you know what I'm saying, land, whatever the case may be, you have to have capital in order to conquer those businesses and dreams. So with that being said, it may take a couple of years for you to work at this job you hate working at because you have to feed your kids. And so I just want to tell you guys, you know what I'm saying, don't stop. Keep going. Keep working. You know what I'm saying? Live your life to the fullest. You know what I'm saying? If you're not ready to be in a relationship, let that be known you're not ready to be in a relationship. You don't have to be in a relationship because all your friends are in a relationship. You don't have to get married because you see five people on your timeline married. You know what I'm saying? Do what's best for your life. And I just want to say, you know what I'm saying, we'll be, this is the first episode of Ann and Bull. You know what I'm saying? My lovely wife. You know what I'm saying? I want to add something for the ladies too. You added something for the men. For my ladies. Yeah. Let's not, you know, try to stick in a relationship and make, you know, what Ann told the guys was very important. You know, it is your responsibility to take care of your child. Do what you got to do. But ladies, let's not try to hold a relationship down, hold it together that we know is being dead just for the sake of children. Because if you're not happy, you don't like that person, a long one, it's going to hurt the children. Way worse than you thinking that it's happy. Now, your happiness, I mean, you know, your happiness is important because you need to be happy and, you know, capable of making sure those kids are okay. And being in a relationship with somebody who you really don't want to be in a relationship with, who you're really not compatible with is not going to help that out. And so, I just want to tell you guys, thank y'all for tuning in. This is the first of many. And before we leave, like I said, I want to shout out to our sponsors. Shout out to Slice of Soul. Shout out to Kids Craft. And thank y'all for tuning in. Rest in peace, Cooper. Rest in peace, Cooper. Rest in peace, Cooper.