Shopping Pet Peeves

The speaker is trying something new on their computer with the help of their son. They mention their health conditions and wearing compression socks. They talk about being called "Socks" at work. The speaker then goes on a tangent about shopping pet peeves, such as people walking in the middle of the parking lot and slow shoppers. They also mention their frustration with returning bottles and cans at the grocery store. They end by complaining about elderly shoppers using scooters in narrow aisles. Hey guys, it's me. I'm trying something new today. Trying something new on my computer. My son is helping me on this. I'm just an old dog learning new tricks. So, uh, bear with me. It's been a while and, um, I'm really going to push into this. You guys are my therapists. I'm laying down on the couch in your office. You'd be listening in and let me know what's wrong with me or what's right with me. Here. Oh, that's not, that's not a, that's not a little tinker bell. That's my alarm out front telling me that somebody drove by. Wasn't the ice cream truck. They come by when I'm at work. So, uh, just to make sure I don't get any ice cream. It's all fake news. It's dummy stuff. Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet. My show. Um, I'm on a diet. Yes, I'm on a diet. I've decided, um, I got heart hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Look it up. Um, and I got a heart murmur. Look that up. I wear compression socks to work. You don't have to look that up. Just show up when I'm on my way to work or coming home. Or if you work with me and you see I'm wearing compression socks, it's, I wear them so much to work that that's what my nickname, nickname, that's what my name is at work. Socks. When my son got hired in there three years ago. Hey, it's three years next month. Happy anniversary. Um, he went through orientation and every single teacher looked at his name and was like, you're Socks' kid, ain't you? And everybody in his orientation classes, he's related to some Socks. And he had to explain to everybody who was curious just what they meant by that. And I told him, hey, it's okay, son. 95% of the people in here know me as Socks. And of all the people also that work there, about maybe a dozen know my name and they'll call me by that. And then about a hand, less than a handful, you know, will call me Johnny. That's not my real name. It's not my birth certificate. I don't go by that. But a couple people, including my sister, that's okay. I'll accept it. But I told him, hey, son, only one in here calls me dad. So you're special. Oh, gosh, where did I get off on this, man? That's a tangent. I got notes. I got notes. So I'm gonna try to do this by notes. Shopping. I went shopping today. I have some shopping pet peeves. Do you have any pet peeves when you go shopping? Let me tell you about mine. There was I don't like it when I'm pulling into the parking lot of the grocery store. And there's people that are walking with their carts in the middle. So while I'm driving, I'm going to go as fast as them. Now maybe ahead of them, there's a parking spot that I want to get over before someone else gets to but I can't because they're walking in the middle. You know, hey, bub, move off to the side. Um, there was a couple of years ago went shopping. And this adult child with this parents, they're walking, they got their shopping carts. And, you know, there I am behind them and good old junior turns around and sees that I am there. So what does he do the brave and noble son, he tells his parents, hey, scoot over. Here comes here comes a car. And they did. But he stayed in the middle. I honked the horn. And when I honked the horn, I like to point at whoever I'm honking to. So everybody can hear where the honk came from. And then they see me and I'm pointing. And I pointed at him, he looked at me, and I waved my hand over to one side like, hey, you move over to okay, junior. You know, and I bet if I could hear him, he'd say, Oh, that's my least favorite word in the entire English languages. Oh, you know, so you tell some somebody complete something completely obvious. Oh, somebody will get a drink from my cooler at work. And I asked him, you know, two things. You know, you take a drink out, there's a warm one on the shelf. Could you please put that in the cooler? And the second one, even more important now that it's hot out and inside the building, close the cooler. So a guy would, you know, get a drink come towards me and I'd say, hey, could you close the cooler? Oh, yeah. Close the cooler. You know, you don't leave I had one guy argue with me. You know, I'm looking over for my job, my coolers open. And there's another guy that goes up there. And he goes to leave. I said, Hey, could you close that cooler for me? You know, and I'm not yelling at him to close the cooler because it's obvious no matter where you go a picnic or whatever, you know, you invited to someone's house for a party, they got coolers, you know, you get open the cooler, grab a drink, close the cooler. Well, ask me, could you close that cooler for me, please? And he's, he thought I'd be polite. He just says to me, I didn't leave it open. And I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he didn't leave it open. Okay, fine. But I said, Yeah, I know. But you know, somebody left it open. Could you like close it for me? And with a stronger, more stern voice? He says, I didn't leave it open. I says, I know. But somebody did who was supposed to close it. Could you close it for me? And then he yelled at me. I didn't leave it open. So I left my job. And I followed him. I had a couple I had a couple minutes. I said, Excuse me, I just asked you politely. I didn't know who left it open. I couldn't catch him. But I know you didn't leave it open. But I just asked, you know, if you could close it for me. And you yelled at me. I says, Now let me guess. Right now, probably at your home, and I got politely sarcastic with them. I said, Right now, probably at your home, there's a refrigerator left open. Wife and kids are there. And I bet you, Junior goes to close the refrigerator door. Mom's gonna say, Hey, don't close that. Dad left it open. And they're gonna wait for you to come home from work to close the refrigerator. They're gonna leave it open all this time. And God forbid that you should die before you go home. We had somebody at work do that. I'm sad. But I says, God forbid you should die before you go home because then they'll be awake at your house after your funeral. And someone's gonna come by and grab a drink from the fridge and go to close it. And your wife's gonna go, No, don't close it. He left it open. But he's dead. Yeah, but when Jesus comes back, he'll close the refrigerator door. I don't remember if that guy ever came back. How dare I ask him nicely more than once to close the cooler door and all it is is pull a little bit and then gravity takes the rest. That must be too hard for some people. I don't know. But shopping. Okay, shopping. Try to return some bottles and cans today. And some of the cans they want to go turn in one little brand. The thing the machine says, Oh, we don't accept these. Funny, you sell them because I bought them here. Now I could have asked for help. I could have took them up to service desk. I could have but I just put them on top and let somebody else deal with them. They can take them to another grocery store where they obviously sell them and they can try I don't know. But that got to me. And then there's some that was it says it was full. Sorry, this is full. It's an empty can. And another occasion the return says your hand went in the machine too far. My hand is that is in my shopping cart grabbing another bottle and can bottle and can. My hands nowhere in there. I just put it in the cannon. I thought why am I fighting this? And there was an employee right there who walked up. So it says I put my hand in too far. I didn't put my hand in at all. Oh, if he only knew. Another thing I don't like about shopping is, is that there needs to be a time where great grandma is allowed shopping. I mean, she's in a nursing home, there should be a time of the day where the nursing home people are out to shop. And let everybody know, put a sign on the door, you know, from, from one till 2pm, great grandmas are shopping here. Because in one rough Michigan winter, I, you know, I go park, and the park lots all slushy. It started snowing after the thing was open. And it just continued snowing and the park lot was just a mess. So I'm walking and somebody dropped great grandma off at the door. Oh, that is so nice. I'll do that. And she walks slowly like her shoes are still tied together. You know, hey, great grandma, you know, when you bought the shoes, if you cut that string in the middle, you can take bigger strides. And she gets right to the door and it slides open. And instead of keep on walking, she slowly turns around does a 180 and she looks at me. And she waves and she smiles and laughs. And she slowly turns back around and walks in. I thought I can't pass her up. I might nip her just a little bit and break a hip or something. I don't know. And I'm thinking great grandma, I am cold and the snow is blowing in my face and I got two soakers and just hurry up and get in the door. Oh, maybe great grandma should have somebody walk her in. You know, drop off great grandma and one of the grandkids and hear great grandma walk in. You know, well, great grandma's got to get in the shop and little scooter. That's another thing that gets to me. I can't wait till I'm old enough where I need those. I know exactly how to annoy people in the shopping market, shopping store. Because now they got the aisleways, they need to make them wider. Some places they're wide. Awesome. Some places, no. So great grandma, we take a scooter down the center of the aisle, and then she stops and then she looks at the shelf. And I'm thinking, how many years have you been shopping? You should have this routine down pat that you should know what you want from what aisle where it is. Even if they rearrange the store, you can find it easy. But she's staring at it and I had to pass her up and get something that's 10 feet further down. There was no room on the left or right to pass her. So I says, excuse me, please. And great grandma turns around and sees that I'm right there. Oh, I'm sorry. And she scoots her scooter up six feet. Still in the center of the aisle. I walk up six feet. I said, excuse me to your left. Could you move a little over to the right so I can pass? Oh, I'm sorry. And but I'm thinking whatever you were looking for is now six feet behind us. You really know what you're shopping for. My wife would make a list. My mom made a shopping list. You know, who doesn't make a shopping list? You can go outside your list if you want to, but you make a shopping list. And great grandma just had to be right there. Another thing that gets to me about the very old people that go shopping, they must have exact change. This woman she is reaching, you know, they got these tiny purses that's small enough to fit maybe a brick or two. Not those big cinder blocks, but the small bricks. You can fit a brick or two in there. But she's reaching elbow deep in there to pull out exact change. And she's looking up how much do I owe you? 43 cents. Oh, reaching elbow deep. And instead of pulling out some coins, she pulls out one at a time. Here's a nickel. Oh, no. I really want to just hand a dollar over and say, Hey, cashier, here's a dollar. Okay, you know, just I love this store. I just don't want to live here. You know, you go to Sam's Club, they sell patio furniture and couches and stuff. I could just sleep there. But hey, Sam's Club, I got the app. And you can scan your stuff, pay for it, dodge all the lines. Now they got more of those self checkout places. Then they do actual cashiers. Some Walmarts I understand have no cashiers. And they may have one woman there while everybody checks themselves out. Sorry, I don't get paid by Walmart to be a cashier. I ain't been in the Walmart in a long time. It was like after Christmas was over. I was looking for new Christmas ornaments. I go shopping after Christmas for the next Christmas holiday. As far as um, I got a tree. Yeah, brand new tree still in the box. And it will not be open until after Thanksgiving this year. So there and I got it for 90% off. You guys pay full price. I got 90% off. So yeah. Gosh, what else bothers me while shopping? They don't have Cocoa Beets anymore. I mean, we had the great reset. I mean COVID. And, you know, things are coming off the shelves left and right. And somebody tried to take back toilet paper to get their money back. Sorry, you bought all you bought all those doggone rolls of toilet paper expecting to have diarrhea and all that for COVID. Didn't happen, did it? Um, they only allowed me two boxes of toilet paper at Sam's Club. And each box had 45 rolls. I would buy like one but you know, and I thought let me buy two. I got friends that that are online and, you know, friends from work and from church and family and there's people like, I can't find any toilet paper anywhere. Does anybody know where I can find toilet paper? And I would just ask them how many rolls do you need? And they would they would message me about four. So okay, shoot me an address. I'll bring some over. And then I just got to tell them, you know, what's going on. You know, I got 45 rolls per box and y'all need toilet paper. You've got little kids. And my son and I were doing that at the time. And, you know, they wanted four, we gave them 10. Couple rolls of paper towels and anything else you need. We got, you know, Sam's Club gives out water. You know, there's some people that wear masks at the store. God bless you. That's the way it should be. That's the way it should have been. You know, wear a mask if you want to. Great, fine. Um, and most people don't. When they were going to wipe off the shopping carts. It's funny, they would grab a cart from outside, push it inside and then wipe off the cart. You've already got all that gunk on your hand. Why are you wiping off the cart now when you've touched it all the way you fondled it from outside? And then they go to wipe it down. They just wipe it back and forth. Like if it's got the COVID germs on it, if somebody with COVID, you know, drooled all over it, wet their hands or something, put it on there, cough, sneeze on it. Shouldn't you wipe it all to one side? Instead of smearing it in some more? Hey, unvaccinated. You ain't got to worry about me dropping dead or getting blood clots. Just got to worry about my condition that I've already got. Anything else bothers me about shopping? Well, any of those grandpas and great grandpas, they may just go to the self checkout and do it and pretend they something's up so they get help. But then they're the ones that give an extra dollar and get change back. They don't try to do no extra. They don't try to do exact change. They don't care. They just want to leave. They want to go back home to either, you know, watch TV or take a nap. I'm with your great grandpa. You know, give me about like another 10-15 years and I could be one of those. If I'm around that long, if I'm around that long, my kids could be changing my diaper. Oh my gosh, I'm, I don't know. I think I need a nap. But I'm staying up. I'm gonna take a nap with my bedtime. Got church in the morning. You gotta be bright eyed and bushy tailed day person kind of thing. Oh boy. But in the meanwhile, I need to get a hold of this. I need to do one of these for work. We got a lot of new hires in there, or people have been there less than three years. Got new contract talks going on right now. A lot of things to do. I got to pass around my wisdom and knowledge to these people. But meanwhile, you know, shopping carts. They got a Kroger that has two entrances. One entrance has all the shopping carts, the other one don't. Those are where the people can park that ordered online, but there would be no shopping carts on that side. And the cart corral is way further away from the door. I'm thinking you need to get these cart gatherers. Put them in just inside or outside the door. So we ain't got to go from the wrong entrance all the way on to the correct entrance to grab a cart. Because A, we're human beings, we just want to take shortcuts and go home. Not unless you work there, then you're going to be there eight hours or more. Oh, any pet peeves about shopping that you got? Let me know. Anywho, I got to leave. I'm thirsty and it's getting close to bedtime. Church. Talk to you later.