Q2-20150909-Larry_Rosenberg-CIMC-dharma_talk-31357

Talk: 2015-09_09 Dharma Talk.json Start_time: 01:08:13 Display_question: How do you balance trying to understand past actions and not getting lost in regret? Keyword_search: past, future, nostalgia, fantasize, University of Chicago, grateful, regret, remorse, Buddha, skillful, obsession, enlightenment, awakening, reeducating, learning, dharma practice, balance, war Question_content: Questioner: When you mentioned not chasing after the past or getting lost in future. The problem is that the past comes chasing after me. Larry: Yes, but then how do you relate to…see, in other words… be more concrete. Questioner: In my…I’m intermediate in terms of practice. But one of the puzzles... Larry: You're being a what? Questioner: I'm not a beginner, but I'm not an advanced yogi. Larry: Throw away advanced beginner. Throw that away. Questioner: I keep dealing with the past coming at me. Larry: What do you mean by that? Questioner: Well, there's nostalgia, and that you'll seek for that, when I sit around with the guys, or friends, that's good stuff, and maybe I shouldn't be lost too much in that. Larry: Okay, can we stop? Because you said a mouthful already. Often, you say up the question, does that mean I'm not allowed to fantasize? I'm saying, look, I don't want to tell people, under no conditions, will you be allowed to ever fantasize again. But pay attention to what fantasy does, because if it's preventing you, from facing your present life. In other words, if it's nostalgia... it's what I was getting at, with some of my senior friends. All they want to talk about is the good old days. That was, like, a long time ago, at the University of Chicago. It's okay to have that, sometimes, we do. But when that's being replaces the actual, how are you living now? University of Chicago has been over for more than 50 years, for me. Okay, so I prefer to be around younger people, because we're much more into their present life. And for me, this is my present life. I know I went to the University of Chicago. I think it was a great time. I will always be grateful for having gone there. I love my friends. We had a good... and I don't want to keep going back to that. So nostalgia can be misused, if it becomes a replacement, a barrier, an obstacle, to your intimate experience, of the present moment. Does that make sense? Questioner: Yeah, that's the easy part, but it's a good caution. But the harder part is when I'm helpless, being overcome with things, like regret, or things that happen. Larry: Yes. Questioner: And in the practice, we're told to watch, but not get lost in it. And… Larry: Yes, I'm sorry to keep interrupting, but that's why your question… sometimes there are skillful uses of the past. That's why there's so much more that can be said, about this particular sutta. There are skillful uses of the past. It comes up in the teachings of the Buddha. So that, let's say, we did something, that we have remorse for, how we behaved in the past, something like that, we can't change that. We did it. It's over. So, what you can do is, experience that remorse, but in the service of learning. But if you over, in other words, it's not laying a guilt trip on yourself, beating yourself up, over, and over, and over again, then we know how to do that. We know how to punish ourselves, and torment ourselves, by repeating it. So it's not to be at war…if you hurt someone in the past, it's to feel what you did, to experience the remorse, and then see if you can learn from it, so that the present life, your life in the present, to some degree at least, has a chance, of benefiting from that boo boo, that was created in the past. Does that make sense? Questioner: Yes Larry: Yeah. So, there is use for it. But if you find that it's an obsession, over, and over, and over again, then it's a squandering of energy. And it's not of much use in terms. Remember, this path is about getting free. It's not just about feeling good. It's about getting free. It's about sometimes called enlightenment. I prefer the term awakening. Okay. I've said enough. Is there more? Questioner: No, you're saying don't…so, it's not that you don't engage in it. I guess the issue, the question I had was, the balance between getting lost engaging it, and trying to understand it. And you're saying, just understand it as objectively as you can, and move on. Larry: Well, but remember, I said and learn from it. Questioner: Right. Larry: Yeah. As best...look, you may then repeat it again, and again. Some lessons are very hard for us to learn. We repeat the same mistakes. Look at the human race. Every war, people saying, we've learned... this is the war, to end all wars. And they're crying, and everyone's sobbing, and the wounded, and all that. And then we just have another one. And then we go through the same. And there's always a new generation of young people, march off to bands, and flags, and then we do it again, and again. So there are some things that we humans have a hard time reeducating ourselves with. But in principle, it's not to disregard. What was the term you used? Let's say something hurtful that you did in the past? Questioner: Regret. Larry: That's a good one. A regret. If you bring it up, it's not so much necessarily even thinking about it. It's allowing yourself to relive, as best you can, that experience. And something like regret, may grow out of it, because you already had the regret. That's why we're having this conversation. And is there something that can be learned from it? Spend some time with that, and then move on. And then if your mind keeps doing that, then that isn't Dharma practice. You're welcome to keep doing it. I'm not in charge of your mind. But the practice would be, to benefit from it, and then move on. Yeah. End_time: 01:14:27