apa session 01

A person named Sandra is attending therapy for the first time and wants to understand the process. The therapist explains that therapy is not always long-term and can help address underlying issues and patterns of behavior. Transparency and trust are important in the therapeutic relationship. Sandra talks about her stressors, including being a parent, working on a doctorate, and caring for her sick mother. These responsibilities have caused strain in her marriage. Sandra feels overwhelmed and ashamed that she can't handle everything like her mother did. She seeks help and is unsure of what to do next. Hi Sandra, thank you for coming. Hi, thank you for having time for me. Are there any questions that you have of me, what I do, my background, anything? This is my first time ever coming to therapy, so I really want to understand what the process is. I mean, I've actually never done anything like this before, so I don't know what to expect. Sure, sure. Well, one of the first things that we do is kind of get to know each other a little bit, get to know what brings you in and what brings you in at this point. Where are the areas for growth? Where are the pain points? Where do you celebrate? And where I might be helpful to you in your current situation. Personally, I don't think that therapy is necessary for a long, long, long time. Sometimes we just need to tune up. Sometimes there are some things that are underlying some of the problems and stresses that we have, maybe a family of origin issue, what we call family of origin issues. Patterns of behavior, ways of thinking that can get us into trouble. We can sometimes even trip ourselves up because of the way that we think. And in order to get to that, we have to have conversations. That's a lot. And I personally can't guarantee how long this will take. But what I can guarantee is the transparency. So if you have any questions, like why did you ask that, you know, ask, you know. And then, you know, I'm human and I might make a mistake or I might forget something that you said, so just call me out on it, let me know. My job is to form a relationship that's safe and trusting so that you can feel supported as you explore the areas that you'd like to work on. Okay. That sounds good. Okay. So I don't have to answer any questions. You don't have to answer any questions you don't want to, you know. I might circle back to that. Okay. When the timing is right. Okay. Right. But right now I know that we're strangers to each other. Yes. And trust needs to be built. And the way that we build trust is through conversation, transparency. I have to appear and be safe to you. And I have to know that I can trust you, too. Right. Okay. Like that you're a good faith actor, that you're coming in because there's some fear. And I know in the beginning sometimes it's like, hmm, I'm going to hold back a bit. But that's okay, we'll work on that. Okay. That sounds good. Okay. So on the intake form, you talked about a number of stressors in your life. And let's see, we have your graduate school, you're working on a doctorate. Yes. I've been there. Stressful. All by itself. But you're also a parent. Right. And I've also been a parent. That's a lot. That's a lot. Those two things are a lot. And you're married? Right. How long have you been married? Three years now. Three years? Yeah. Okay. I'm trying to adopt it. Uh-huh. Yes. He's a wonderful boy. Aww. I'm an adoptive parent, too. Oh, wow. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And I think it's one of the greatest gifts we can give to humanity is we're very good at people's children. Yes. Definitely. And you're also caretaking of an older parent. My mom. Your mom. Yes. She's been sick for a while. She has Alzheimer's. Oh. So it's really tough. But we really didn't want to put her in a home. Uh-huh. So she's living with us. And I do have someone that comes in to help out. But I really try to do a lot of it myself. I don't want to push my mom's care off on someone else. That's an important value for you. Yes. Definitely. What does that mean to you? We have to take care of our own. You know? I can't. I feel like anything else will be abandoning her. And I don't want her to feel abandoned. Uh-huh. So, I mean, I think it's a big source of arguments between me and my wife. And I just don't have time for anything else. You don't have time for your marriage. Yeah. That's basically what it's come down to. My wife said I needed to figure out something. Or we have to think about going our separate ways. Is that bad? Yes. Okay. From her perspective, tell me about what the issue is or what the problem is in terms of time. I think it's basically that I'm pushing everything off on her. So the child care, the household, the care of the household, the cooking, everything, because I just don't have anything left. I'm just spent at the end of the day. And I do try, but I think it always ends up getting into an argument because it's a case of, oh, let me do the dishes. Oh, you're doing that wrong. Why are you cooking this? Why are you doing that? It's those types of things. So from her perspective, you can understand and emphasize with her perspective that the division of labor at home is not equitable, it's not fair. Right. Do you feel like she has an appreciation and an understanding about you needing to go to school as kind of an investment in your future? I really don't know. I mean, we talked about it in the beginning, but when I started school, my mother didn't need care. So I think the time that I had to contribute to the household kind of went out the window. Because of your mother. So do you feel as though this last year when your mother moved in, the consciousness train had been transferred by your mother moving in? So it's like one more thing that was added to an already maybe stressful or dynamic situation. And I think it's not just that. It's just the stress of dealing with my family. I have a brother that's younger than me, but he's not helpful. He's a drug addict. And I just can't let him in the home because I don't know what he's going to do. And then I have an older brother and an older sister, but they're not really wanting to help. They've basically taken it as, well, you have mom. You deal with it. So I'm probably pushing my stress and my anger off on her as well. And your wife. Yes. I'm sure that I am. How does it come out for you? It's tough. I think a lot of it is just being angry all the time. It's feeling like she can't do anything right, or maybe I can't do anything right. I mean, it's almost like trying to lay blame, feeling like I'm going to explode and probably exploding a lot of times. And I think that was it. It was just a point of a big argument when she said to me, you need to do something about this. She was like, you're under stress, and I'm trying to deny it, feeling like I can deal with this. Just give me time. And her saying, I've given you a lot of time, but nothing has changed. You need to do something about this. I can't live with you like this anymore. So that's why I'm here. I don't know what to do. I don't. And it's just dealing with the shame of it all. Tell me more about the shame. I was supposed to be able to do this, you know. Why? Because that's, I don't know, that's how I was raised. You know, you always deal with the problems. There shouldn't be anything too hard for you to deal with. You know, I should be able to do it all. I feel like my mother was a super mom, you know. My father left us when I was only 10, and she raised us. She raised all four of us. She dealt with all of the problems. She dealt with all of the stress. So why can't I? It makes me feel like I'm a failure. What do you do with that situation?