Nimba - Pursuit of Sonder

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that photo really, really broke me when I saw it. The first time when I was in grade 11, I was 17. And I think I always felt it. I always felt that I was like, not to be like, oh, I was cool to help others. But I always felt a greater deal of sensitivity towards causes. And I don't think people actually do. But once I saw that photo and I processed the collective pain, you know what I mean? I began to think more about refugee stories and what was going on around that time. And it just really, really broke me. And I think ever since that day, I was like, okay, yeah, this is something I'm going to do until the end of my life. This is what I want to help. Yeah. I mean, I can tell already from what you said. You do have a big heart for other humans, right? I don't think I do. Well, I don't act like it. Right. I mean, you can understand how I would perceive that. But then again, does it feel contradicting to be able to feel that collective pain, like you had said, and still not like humans, in your words? And also, I want you to expand, too, on specifically what you mean by not like humans. Like, okay, what I don't like about humans is what I love about humans. I think we're really dumb. I think we're petty as flat. You know what I mean? And all of those things. And I don't really like being around people. Okay. I'm like a selfish person that way. I love being alone. I love dictating my own time. I don't like being inconvenienced by other people. But I think, really, I – and this is kind of hard to actually talk about because I think I front. I think I love having a front. But I think, like, deep down, though, I believe in the promise and the hope of the human race, if you know what I mean. I do believe that we can solve our most pressing and biggest issues. I do believe that we can overcome our greed. I do believe that we can overcome the worst parts of ourselves. And so I think I love humanity for the hope of it. I love humanity, like, in the way that, like, Jesus Christ, like, loved humanity, if that makes sense. Not to, like, compare myself to Jesus Christ. Like, you know what I mean. I guess you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's interesting. How do you – you know, how do you see yourself – I mean, I don't know. We're so young, right? Like, we're still developing our paths and our aspirations for our careers. But how do you see yourself, you know, asserting yourself to push that love and to, like, help, you know, the human race overcome the obstacles that we're facing right now? That's why I have to make my money, you know. That's why I have to make money. So, like, I fully, fully plan on, like, dedicating, like, 30 to 50 years being, like, a capitalist monster, like, if I, like, have to, like that. You know, that, like that. Yeah. Because, like, unfortunately, because of the way that the world works with, like, capitalism, like, as a system, and how it's, like, it literally is tied into everything about our world. Which, not even on some, like, SJW, like, anti-capitalist shit, but, like, for real. Yeah. Like, you need money in order to enact any kind of humanitarian agenda. So, you know. Interesting. I just had another question I was going to – I know what I was going to ask. I'm curious. I want to loop back on something that you had said a couple of days ago. I don't know. Do you know what I'm referring to? You're in class? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I won't name drop, you know, but, like, when our teacher, our professor was talking about looking back on fond memories, right? Mm-hmm. You know, I forget what the context was, but you had raised your hand. She had asked you to elaborate on your thoughts on that, on looking back, and you said that you hate looking back, and that it's a horrible thing to do. It's the worst thing to do. I want to get your thoughts on – well, first, let's – when you think of looking back, just, I mean, that's a broad term, but when you think of looking back, what are you thinking of? What does that mean to you? Like, anything that evokes the feeling of a memory. So, like, it can be a photo. It can be a smell. It can be a scent. It can be something you see. It can even be you, like, actively trying to remember something. Like, I – yeah, like, I think that's a positive, like, a vortex. I do. I think it's a black hole, and I think it can suck you in. And, like, I think nostalgia isn't – I don't think it's a helpful emotion, like, at all. I really don't. I think if you're looking back, like, critically, like, you're trying to, like, see how you've changed since then, or what your behavior was then, or who you were then, sure. But I think to look back to find the feelings of happiness or a sense of, like, happiness is not – it's – no. No. Do you think that – I mean, you said that, like, you don't think that nostalgia is helpful. No. You know, I mean, which I can – I love cracking my – What'd you say? I love cracking my toes. Sorry. I didn't even realize. No, I love it. Like, cracking my – what was I saying? Oh, yeah, like, how nostalgia isn't necessarily helpful. And, you know, I mean, I can see your perspective on that and somewhat agree, like, you know, that it's not necessarily helpful. But do you feel like all emotions that we process and experience have to be, quote, unquote, helpful? Do you believe that we can just experience an emotion just for the sake of experiencing it? Yes, I do. But I think we live in a very rationalized world. Like, everything we do is based off of rationality, right? Like, you wake up at a certain time so you can go – you can be on time there. And within your classes, you're trying to think of, like, you are given a problem and then you have to work out a solution. So there's so much about the way that our world is set up that you have to always be thinking rationally. Like, since the time of Kojito Urbosu, I think that's who I am. So, like, I think because of that, people, without knowing it, they construct their lives in a rational way. And they allot space for emotions that are rational in that sense. But I think, like, because of how rational our world is, yes, you should be feeling things and you should be selecting your emotions if you can, like, select them. Or you should be attempting to, like, let's say, like, moderate your emotions based off of what is helpful. But I think, like, ultimately, like, no. I think – I don't think, like, emotions can be categorized in, like, helpful or, like, unhelpful. Do you feel like, you know, on the topic of nostalgia, do you feel like that, like, nostalgia is just naturally part of the human experience? Or do you believe that nostalgia is something that, like, humans try to force to bubble up in order to, like, experience, like, you know, happiness in a moment they're feeling down or, you know, stuff of that nature? Because in the context that we were talking about in class, you know, our professor was talking – was recalling her fond memories in Jamaica where she grew up, right? And that was just for the sake of, like, you know, she was tired that day. She was burnt out, whatever it may be. And that was, like, something that brought her a breath of fresh air and happiness, right? And kind of helped her push aside the burnout and whatever that she was feeling that day. So, I mean, do you feel like that's – do you feel like that's a bad thing? Like, yes. No, I mean, I'm open to your – this is why I invited you, you know. I want to hear your elaboration. I'm curious as to – There's this French philosopher slash writer – I can't remember his name, but he published a book on this, actually. And he was speaking about the Mad Lens, which is, like, a French dessert they actually sell at Starbucks. Okay. Yeah. I can't – like, why I think it is a bad thing is because, like, that's not living for the present, right? Like, if I'm slaving away over an essay, I'm looking forward to the fact that I just got a TV in my room. I'm looking forward to the fact that I'm going to go back to my room and, like, watch a movie or something, like, in my space. The moment that I then have to extricate myself from the present reality that I'm living in to take myself back to a fond memory, what is that memory doing for me right now? It's doing nothing because I can't access that. It's literally beyond me. Like, it's beyond this space and time. It's gone. It's gone. And that's the – like, I think it's so painful to try to reignite things back into life that are dead and that have been vanquished. Like, you know, whereas if you focus on your present, like, maybe you're looking forward to your sweet treat. Maybe, like, you're looking forward to going on a run. Maybe you're looking forward to seeing your, like, friend. Then, okay, it could be argued that you're, like, living for the future, but at least that future is very near. Like, you aren't attempting to, like, have something or grab onto something that quite literally is gone and will never come back. Interesting. I mean, would you – you know, I guess just in the moment as I'm, like, analyzing what you're saying, like, looking at it through that scope, you know, you said that, like, the memories that we look back on are dead, right? Okay, girl. You're bringing the deep. You know, you're the one that's bringing the deepness, the depth. I'm trying to dissect it here, you know. But, I mean, wouldn't you argue that those experiences, even if it is just, you know, recalling, like, a fond memory in a night in Jamaica or whatever. Like, there was no productivity attached to that. There was no efficiency attached to that moment. It was just pure enjoyment, right? Okay. Don't you feel like those moments are necessary to continue in a healthy manner in our human experience, continue in our lives? And, like, that those experiences, regardless of whether or not there's productivity or efficiency or whatever attached to them in the moment, like, don't you think those are necessary in order for us to keep moving? I think for some people, certainly. Like, are you that way? I think so. Because I think, like, I actually, one thing that I've been somewhat struggling with recently, and it's somewhat of a similar concept, is, like, there will be, I'm very, like, I'm very driven, and I, like, that sounds so, like, arrogant, you know, like I, yeah, cliche. Yeah. Like, I have, like, a goal, a central goal in my head, and I'm going to, like, work, work, work until I reach it, right? Love that, love that. So, it's like, I often find myself in moments of leisure. Like, for example, like, I'll give you a specific example. I don't know if you remember last month, we could see the Northern Lights, like, really faintly, you know, we're in New York. I was sitting there in that moment, and there was these, like, there were these intrusive thoughts that hit me, like, what is the point of this experience, you know? If I'm not obtaining anything, right, if I'm not accomplishing anything, if I'm not doing something that may have a positive impact on myself or other people, if I'm not taking away a tangible product, then, like, what's the point? But then I thought, like, you know, I believe, like, part of the human experience is just sitting back and enjoying God's creation, number one. For sure, for sure. And number two, I also think that, like, in order for me to reach these ultimate goals that I have down the road, professionally, personally, whatever it may be, like, I have to have moments of that personal, um, this is the word I'm looking for. I have to have moments where I literally just experience things for the sake of experiencing them, for my own mental health, right? If I want to, because a lot of these goals that I have for myself are tied to, like, impacting other people, right? And if I want to, if you want to impact other people, you've got to, you've got to have your spirit right first. Absolutely. You know what I mean? Yeah. Um, so I, I do, I think your original question was, like, do you think that... No, but see, in that case, you were still living in the present. You weren't, you weren't thinking back on, on, on anything. Okay, yeah, so it doesn't differ in that. You took a moment to appreciate what was right before you. Yeah. Which, like, I would do that too. Like, I think that's a very great thing to do. Like, it doesn't, you know, like, it doesn't have to do with the, like, the, like, past in that kind of way. It doesn't have to do with, you know? Hmm. Interesting. Interesting. I mean, I'm trying to, like, dissect it further, but honestly, I, yeah, okay. But again, this is why I kind of, why I kind of invited you on. I'm really curious to hear your... Like, like Fitzgerald said, and this is directly next to what we're talking about, the sadness of the past is always with me. And why, like, what people don't realize about that, that kind of quote is that he's saying that, he's not saying that, like, oh, we have, like, a fucked up past and, like, it's always with me. No, no, no, he's saying that the past is inherently always sad. Because you can't look at it back. Mm-hmm. Like, that's so sad. Like, why can't you look back to that? Like, girl, I don't care if it's a good memory. I wish you didn't look back on the past and just the moments themselves, just explicitly the moments without looking back at the concept of, oh, I can't explain this back. It always has an element of melancholy to it. It doesn't matter how, like, extreme that element is. It's, like, that, that, that. It doesn't, like, the quantity doesn't matter. The quality is always there. It's always there. Do you feel like your passion for literature and your knowledge of literature is part of what drives your perspective on life and your philosophies? That's a really good question. Many people who are, like, literature heads would say yes. I don't know. I think literature gives me a vehicle to articulate what I have felt or what I've thought. I don't know if I internalize it enough for it to form a part of what I think, if that makes sense. So is literature more so, like, a support? Yes, exactly. You're ingesting things for yourself. You're developing things internally for yourself. And the literature is, like, part of what's nudging you in a certain direction and supporting you. Yes, that's exactly it. And I think it's really important to tell human stories. And I think that's, like, that's, you know. Yeah. Yeah. And I think the, like, one of the reasons why I love animation films so much is because they condense these, like, very complex feelings and emotions into very simple ones. Like, it's going viral now that the moment from Nino and Stitch. I don't know if you've seen it. Possibly. Yeah, okay, whatever. But anyway, yeah. I mean, if it's on social media, chances are, yeah. Yeah, I've probably seen it. Yeah. Yeah, no, for sure. Like, more of a place of support. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. Well, I think, you know, one thing that I kind of want to ask just to, like, tie everything together. And again, I mean, I think I said it before, like, for another question, but we're young, right? Like, our ambitions and our songs. Like, do you think in 10 years you're going to think, like, radically differently from the way that you think now? Huh. I don't. Because humans don't like changing. Yeah, but see, that's interesting to bring up because, you know, the change thing. Because, like, I was actually literally just talking to my mom about, like, how the younger generation is much more scared to settle. Like, they don't, they. Like, have kids or get married. Yeah, like, I feel like the younger generation wants constant change. At least, like, maybe when you compare it to older generations. I'd say, like, across the human race, across society, yeah, people are still generally afraid of change and don't necessarily want it. But me, like, I'm afraid of not having change present. I'm afraid of. I think our generation wants change. I think our generation wants advancement. I think we love advancement. I agree. I think we love, like, technological advancement. We love intellectual advancement. Like, we love a new product. We love, you know. I think it's, yeah. But I think that that's. I think that we still crave stability, though. Oh, agreed. Agreed. I think, to that point, like, I think we do crave advancement, whether it's technologically, culturally, whatever it may be. But, like, I mean, change is necessary for that. I think there's always going to be, you know, a handful of people that are, like, that are at the core of that advancement, that are driving that advancement, whatever it may be. And, like, those people have to be the ones, you know, craving change. And, like, I mean, I'm, like, honestly, like, one genuine fear of mine is, yeah. I mean, like, well, one genuine, no, one genuine fear of mine is, like, just constant, you know. Like, I don't want to, the context I was talking about it with my mom in, like, yesterday was like, I don't necessarily know if I want to become a homeowner because then it locks you down to that one spot for 30 plus years, you know. And I also, like, even in my career, too, like, I don't want to just be centered in one, you know, aspect of the industry I'm pursuing, whatever it may be. Like, I want to have a hand in different endeavors, you know. So, but anyways, like, thinking radically different in 10 years, I don't know. I mean, I think there's things that I'll never budge on. My faith is one of them, thank God. Have you watched Conclave? No, I haven't. You have to watch Conclave. I'm going to write that down. She has a really good speech on faith. Okay. Conclave, he said? Mm-hmm. Where can I watch it? No, girl. He said, no, but it was, like, it was really good. I'll look it up. It's on Google or somewhere. He said, he said, faith walks hand in hand with doubt because without doubt there would be no mystery, and without mystery we would have no faith. And it's such a cute, like... Wait, is it a movie? Yes, yes, it's amazing. You have to watch it. I'll look it up. I'll look it up. You should watch it. Interesting perspective. Look, I like how you can just pull out, like, books or movies or whatever and they do directly to you. It's like a little Peckham Pratt administration. No, yeah, yeah. I love it. I love it. No, but you have to watch it. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. 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