i-am-laura-podcast-chronic-illness-job

The podcast episode discusses the challenges of managing chronic illnesses while working and applying for new jobs. The speaker shares her experiences of anxiety and stress when deciding whether to disclose her conditions to employers. She emphasizes the importance of being open about her illnesses to facilitate accommodations and support in the workplace. The speaker also discusses the difficulties of managing doctor appointments and treatments while working. She highlights the lack of understanding and awareness of chronic illnesses, especially when symptoms are invisible. The speaker expresses frustration at being judged and doubted, and shares a personal experience of insensitivity from a superior. She acknowledges the organizational challenges of having chronically ill employees, but questions how discrimination can be avoided and how individuals can manage their conditions while working. The speaker encourages those with chronic illnesses to celebrate their strength and resilienc Hello and welcome to the I Am Laura podcast. This is all about juggling chronic illness, kids, a job and a dream. And this episode is all about juggling a job. So what I wanted to talk about today is some of my experiences of dealing with my chronic illnesses and the workplace and also applying for new jobs because that is always a bit tricky. So I feel a lot of nervousness around my illnesses when applying for jobs. I don't know whether to tell them, but I don't want to be discriminated against. But then I'm as a person, I'm generally not very good at hiding things. So when I don't tell them and I know it's there and it's like blaring in my mind that I have these chronic illnesses, I can get very anxious and I can feel a lot of anxiety and stress around that. And this then makes me stumble for words a little bit. And, you know, I struggle a little bit in these situations. I know I come across like I can chat away, which I can. But I do have this nervousness that comes through when I'm thinking about my chronic illness and I feel really under pressure. And then when you get the job and you come into that workplace and it's a new workplace and you haven't told them yet and the people I work with don't know, I then find that difficult because in my head I know I've got to take medication at a certain time. I've got to attend some doctor's appointments. I need to make sure I'm ringing the doctor. Maybe the doctor's ringing me. And these days, if you get a doctor's appointment, they tell you the doctor's going to ring you in the afternoon. But you don't know what time. So I might be in the middle of teaching or whatever. And I've got to take a doctor's phone call and I've got to tell them that. And so there's a lot of anxiety around this for me when I'm at work because I don't, I hate putting people out. I hate like making a fuss about things. So I find that really difficult. And so what I have done and what I've done in previous jobs is I've just been a really open book. I've just been really honest about my conditions. And I find that so much easier. I find that a weight has been lifted off me. And when I tell them about it, it means that I can deal more easily with asking to go to appointments or, you know, having to take a phone call or having to ring the doctors in the morning or whatever. And I hadn't really considered all of this stress and anxiety before because when I was at school still, I knew I did have Crohn's disease. I had been diagnosed with Crohn's disease before I moved to a new school. So I had moved from one school to another with Crohn's disease. But they're quite understanding of this, the school was. They let me go to appointments. And I obviously try to work it around work. I always try and do that. But they would let me go to the doctors occasionally. And I actually worked four days a week for most of my teaching career once my children were born, which is when I'd been diagnosed with Crohn's anyway. So I worked for four days a week. And so I tried to fit my appointments in on my day off as much as possible. But this is not always possible. In the UK, when you're given an appointment from the National Health Service, the NHS, you take it because they don't have a lot of appointments. If it's a hospital appointment, you just have to go. You can't rearrange really because the waitlist is so long. And so obviously, that would interrupt with work a little bit. But school were pretty cool about that. And back then, it was just dealing with my Crohn's disease. That's all that was going on with me. It was just the Crohn's disease. And people understood it. People understood it because it's a well-known condition. And the doctors know how to deal with it. They understand what's going on. And it was OK. But when my facial pain started, things became really difficult. And I actually couldn't. I couldn't function properly. And people, my work, my senior leaders, they just didn't understand this condition. I didn't understand this condition. The doctors didn't understand this condition. It had and still really doesn't have a name for what's going on with me. And I didn't know how to treat it. And doctors didn't know how to treat it. So it was getting increasingly hard. But I looked fine. I'm a bubbly, approachable person. I always have a smile on my face. And it's really important to me that people feel at ease and are comfortable around me. And I like to make people feel welcome. So if you ever spoke to me or were ever in my presence, you wouldn't think that there was anything wrong with me. I'd be chatting and I'd be smiling and I'd be engaging with you. And people with chronic illness actually hide it really well, especially those with who, where their conditions are invisible. We just hide them. So we have to get on. So I started getting comments at school like, you look good today or you look really well. And I would say this with a pinch of salt and I'd be like, oh, isn't makeup a wonder? And the problem was, is my bosses couldn't see anything wrong with me. So even though my face felt like it was being pulled apart and my head as well pulled apart and crushed together at the same time, and I felt like I wanted to pull all my teeth out just to try and get rid of the pain. And even though it wouldn't make any difference, you know, no one could see it. And don't get me wrong, like, it is a relief to me that I don't have a, you know, my face doesn't look like it's being pulled apart and it doesn't look like it's about to fall off. But sometimes I just wish I could just show them. I wish I could just show people, you know, visually what it feels like. And that's really difficult. So when you get told, you look well, and then I sort of realised that there's undercurrent there and there's this sort of distrust. You're lying. You're being doubted. You look fine. I don't know whether that was in my head. I don't know whether that was truly what was going on, but that's how it started to feel to me. I started to be a bit paranoid and it may have been the case. In fact, I think it probably was the case, but it's difficult then because you get into your head. So this sort of all came to like combustion point at the end of 2021 where I was told in a meeting that, well, Laura, you know, when people have cancer, they go off for a year and, you know, fingers crossed they get better and then they come back. And I was just sat there like, I just, I didn't know what to say. At the time I was in a situation where I was in pain. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I was going through doctors like water and nobody could tell me what was wrong with me. I didn't understand what was going on. And I was doing my best to be there. And I was just sat there listening, saying, thinking, I just, I don't know what to say. And I just went, well, I don't have cancer. And there was just this total lack of awareness and understanding about chronic illness. It does not go away. You can't get better. Doctors don't know how. Okay. And this is what I felt like saying. I didn't have the strength. Sorry. So, you know, this is happening to me every single day. But you know what? I'm still getting out of bed. I'm still turning up. I'm still smiling and I'm working hard and I'm doing this whilst being judged and being doubted about whether I was actually ill. It's really difficult. I understand from an organisational point of view that it is difficult to have a staff member who is chronically ill. So this person, you know, may and probably will have a higher absence rate than other people. But what are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to deal with that? How can we not be discriminated against, whether that is when we're applying for a new job or we're trying to work hard in an existing job? How, how and what are we supposed to do? It's not our fault. We can't help it. And the emotional toll on this is big. It is big. Lots of us can't work full time because managing the condition takes up time. It takes up energy. And, you know, having a day off relieves some of the stress and the juggling side of things. But sometimes working full time is just not an option for people. It's just not something that can be managed. So to all of us, all of you out there who are getting up every single morning, who are struggling with that pain or that fatigue or that medication and turning up anyway, celebrate yourself because you are amazing. You are amazing. You are a total warrior. And remember, you are so brave and you are so strong every single day. And I really want you to remember to keep showing that magic because it is in there. It's in you. And please don't give up. Please don't do what I did, where I felt like this is it for me. You know, I have this facial pain, got the medication, I've got a new job and I'm sitting there thinking, well, this is it for me. I'm just going to have to ride this out to retirement. This is it. And God, that depressed me. That depressed me. And I'm looking around me, seeing other people, you know, I'm doing a school run, I'm doing whatever, and I'm seeing other people working and they're, you know, going to work, they're coming home and chilling out and having the weekends and they're happy doing that, you know, they're content in that. Well, it looks like they are. I can't speak for people, obviously, but I was thinking, you know, Laura, you need to accept this and you need to be content in this. Every single bit inside me was like screaming, screaming out, I can't sit and do just this. I need to do more than this. I need to think about my ambitions. I need to try and achieve the things that I want to achieve. And then I felt this screaming urge inside me to keep going. And that's why I started this podcast, actually, because I needed an outlet because I just really needed to do more. And that is the magic. That's the magic in you. And that is the choice to be brave. So, if you have those feelings and those desires and you want to break out and you still want to do it, even though every single day is a bit of a struggle, you still have that magic in you. Keep sharing it. Be brave. Go for it. And I'll say it again, you're brave and you're strong every single day. So, that's the end of this one. That was a bit of age for me in the middle. I hope it was okay. I do want to say, actually, that I managed to get my Mind Rescue Companion out. I'm hoping you've seen it. I've called it a companion because I really want it to be something that's yours and not me trying to guide you. And it is something that rescued me, rescued my mind. It's got these two processes in it that helped me so much when my mental health was really, really low. And I'm hoping that they can help you too. It's worth, you know, giving it a go. Just try. But you can grab that. I'll put a link in here in the show notes that you can grab it. But please do subscribe. Please do leave me a review. And if you can share this podcast, I really, really appreciate it. But that's it for today. I shall speak to you soon. Take care. Bye.