I DID IT

Fuck it, this is going to be... How do I get this out? Let me just... Come on. Okay. Ignore everything, everyone. It's fine. I'm back. I'm back. Okay, so... This... Is... Uh, the voice recording. Um, already took a whole minute, but it's fine. It's good, we're good. Okay, that was Alicia. Let me tell you about it. Really, I'm hoping I can turn this into a good video. Um, yeah, so... This... Well, all of this information comes from a Roman, sort of, like, writing book by Julius Caesar. Why'd I say writing book, but... Um, a Roman book. Julius Caesar's view on the battle. They were kind of proud of it, but we'll get to that later. So, between the Romans and the Gauls, um... So, first of all, the Romans... Very, very strong at this time, you know. Big, big empire, like... They're the shit, you know. They're, like, crazy. Um... They were, uh, as I stated before... Well, not really. Led by Caesar. Um... Yeah. You know, they're Romans. They're strong, they're cool. They have their Roman things. Um, yeah, and then the Gauls, uh... They were kind of separate tribes. Uh, just in what is now modern-day France and Germany and northern Italy. Um... Well, northern Italy. Um... They use, like, long slashing blades, usually. Uh, to cut off heads. Uh... So, no heads. Um, my bad. Um... Fun fact. They would often... Well, some tribes would often, uh, fight nude. I know, crazy. And, uh, people thought it was, like, because they wanted to distract people with their, just, things swinging in the wind. Brick cars, you know. Um... Yeah. So, how it started was, um, Rome wanted to expand. Like, they, you know, because they... Empires love to expand. Um, so they started going north out of Italy, because where else would they go? And that's where they found, uh, Gaelic, uh, peoples. So they kind of had a lot of little... Conflicts, you know. Doing, like, a clashing of a sword with my hand. Um... So, yeah. A lot of stuff happening. Just a bunch of fights all around, like, northern Italy. Um... And then, uh, after about six years of the conflict, or seven years of the conflict, uh... The Gaelics summoned a council to appoint a leader, and... His name is... How do you pronounce that name? Vercingetorix. How to pronounce... Lexi... No longer. Nope, that's an ad. It... Excuse me. Excuse me. Um... Vercingetorix. No, stop. Um, Vercingetorix. Um... He's kind of cool, you know. Personally, I love him, because, like, his mustache. Like, look at that thing. Like, you gotta search it up or something. I might pull up an image. But... Oh, my God. It's majestic. Um... So... At first, when he became the new leader, he kind of, like, you know, didn't really like Romans. You know, because they're fighting. Um... So, first of all, uh, in Cenerum, uh... He kind of killed all Romans. Kind of crazy. And then a lot of Gaelic cities, uh, followed, and they killed all Romans. So, it was kind of like they were massacring the Romans. So, it kind of got Romans mad. Um, so it set off a bunch of skirmishes. And then, later, they took Alesia, which is what we're talking about, in 52 BCE. Um... So, what happened was, you know, Vercingetorix went there, you know, just to, like... Just to, like, be there. Because, you know, Rome was kind of getting the upper hand in the fight. Uh... So, he just went there, right? And then he had around 92,000 troops. But, uh, you know, Caesar being Caesar, kind of, like, immediately left. Heard about him being in the city. So, he was like, all right, we're going to jump them. So, then they slided on them with 5,000 troops. Wait, what? 50,000 troops. And then... So, what they did... Is they wanted to, like, starve them out, you know. Or make them have to come out. And they built a wall. The Romans. Caesar was like, oh, yeah, we don't keep them in. And Vercingetorix was like, damn, oh, fuck, we... Uh... So, fun facts about the wall. It had 20-foot-wide trenches. Pretty cool. V-shaped trenches. That some of them, they changed the rivers around the city. City. Uh... To make them little moats. Um, and they also liked to have little camouflage spike traps. And the wall was full of spikes. Cool. Cool. Um... So, next, you know, Vercingetorix was kind of, like, freaking out. He was like, damn, what are we going to do? Like, oh, shit, what are we going to do? Said the same thing over and over again. But he was like, oh, no, what are we going to do? So, then, he sent out cavalry to, like, kind of fight them, you know. Like, try to get through the wall, you know. And, as you'd expect, uh, didn't go well for them. I mean, they had the upper hand until Caesar brought out his German troops. And then they kind of ran away. Um, but... And they were, like, scrambling back into the city. Um, what kind of happened was that Vercingetorix, you know, closed the gate on some people that couldn't make it in in time. Because, you know, he had to keep the baddies out. What did I say? Um, so, then, uh, what he did, Vercingetorix, is that he secretly sent out a cavalry of, like, all his cavalry, like, 12,000 men to get help to attack Caesar from behind, you know. And then Caesar's like, oh, shit, I got to do something about it. So, then, he was just like, you know what, fuck it. He built another wall around himself, kind of trapping himself. And, you know, the thing is, the people that were coming, they practically got all the Gaelics to attack Caesar in that moment. Because, you know, they had their leader stuck. So, really, he led 250,000 men. So, Caesar really just, like, trapped himself crazy. I would have just ran away, but, I mean, he did him. So, because the people in Alesia were, you know, starving, um, Vercingetorix tried to send out the people that couldn't fight, mainly women and children, out to see if Caesar would let them through. And, you know, Caesar being a bitch and all, my bad for my language, um, he kind of, what do I mean kind of, he did not let them in. Crazy, I know, crazy. Um, so, then, when the people came back, Vercingetorix was like, hell no. So, he kind of locked them out. He locked the people out. It's kind of crazy, but, I mean, you got to do what you got to do to get out yourself. You know, look out for yourself first. Prioritize yourself. So, yeah, all the civilians kind of were left in the middle to starve. Um, later, uh, Vercingetorix set out a night raid from Alesia outwards. Um, they used, well, this time they were prepared. So, they used, like, you know, ladders and little bridges and spikes to take down the spikes and the ladders and bridges to cross the moats and stuff, the holes. Um, the battle kind of lasted until, I keep on saying, the battle lasted until dawn. Uh, yeah, both sides lost, but, like, Caesar still held his ground. So, like, good for him. Um, so, you know, remember the 250,000 men? So, they were led by Commius. Um, and he was like, ooh, let me look around for a weak spot on the wall. And they found one on this hill. Right? Don't remember the name? I'll figure it out. Uh, what is a hill called in... Wait, I have it here. Hill, Hillmontia. Um, I wrote it down. Couldn't find it. So, there's a weak spot in there. So, you know, because he had, like, so many troops, right, he really, like, tried to distract them on one side and sneak in through that little weak spot in the wall to, you know, attack Caesar. Um, so, Caesar was kind of screwed. Right? And then, guess what? From the other side, Vercingetorix saw that they were attacking. So, he was like, well, might as well try now. So, Vercingetorix sent out his troops. So, they were getting, like, double penetrated. You know what I mean? Like, both sides. Um, pause. Um, so, you know, a lot of chaos, a lot of dying. Uh, you know, Caesar's walls were kind of not looking so well. And both people, both Caesar and Vercingetorix, both entered the battle. But, you know, it is claimed that Caesar had his majestic red cape. Because, you know, from a Roman point of view, he's like, oh, yeah, I'm so cool and shit. But, he was, like, kind of cool. So, then, what he did, right, Caesar, you know, because he's smart and stuff, he sent out his cavalry to flank the people that were flanking him from the outside. Right? Sort of. You know what I mean? Like, he flanked the people that were outside. Right? I don't know how he did it. It's crazy. He, like, went around. He went through a hole in the wall he made. Went around. Cavalry. Um, they started mowing people down. And people were so, like, scared. Because, you know, you see these guys on horses just mowing people down from behind. You know, just, you know. Um, so, yeah, Vercingetorix was like, damn, I think I may have to surrender. So, really, all the people got massacred in the back. And he was like, damn, might as well just surrender. So, he surrendered. Caesar won the war. W. W. You know what I mean? Um, Caesar went, you know, he was actually pretty nice to the losers. Because, you know, before he's known for cutting off people's hands. Like, everyone's hands. If you lost to him. So, this time he kind of let the people go except for Vercingetorix. Um, so, what he did is he publicly humiliated him by making him, being a parade and a celebration for Caesar. And then, after that, they kind of strangled him to death. He's like, urgh, you know. And, yeah, that's pretty much it. Um, I'm done. This recording's 13 minutes long. I'll figure it out. I'm going to edit it. It's going to be crazy. Uh, shout out my group, Ferreal. Cass, you my day one, that's a lie. But, Ryan, you is my day one. Eamon, you too, you my day one. Shane, Cass, whatever. But, Ryan and Cass, you my day ones. I'm done. For real, for real. No, I'm giggity. I'm just talking. It's just another minute. Ahem.