The Power of Forgiveness 03.27.24

The author reflects on the power of forgiveness and how it can free us from the pain of betrayal. They share their personal journey of struggling to forgive those who caused the collapse of their company. They realize that forgiveness is necessary for their own healing and liberation. The author discusses the lessons they have learned through their experiences and how forgiveness is essential to fully apply those lessons. They also encounter challenges and interruptions that test their commitment to forgiveness. The author understands that forgiveness is not just a concept, but a constant practice that shapes their responses and interactions, ultimately determining their quality of life and peace. The Power of Forgiveness Ever found yourself haunted by the shadows of betrayal? Feeling the weight of disappointment and anger pressing down on your heart? You catch yourself reliving the event repeatedly, each time digging deeper into the details. Analyzing every word, every action, looking for signs that you might have missed. It's like your mind has this scene on an endless loop and with every replay the feelings of disappointment and anger intensify, chaining you to a moment you desperately wish to escape. Well yeah, me too. This is what the past 90 days have been like since the heartbreaking decision to shutter my multi-million dollar company due to the actions of those I once trusted. Wow. Writing that sentence caused me to throw up a little in my mouth. There are days when it feels like I've turned the page, but then out of nowhere a memory flashes back and it's all I can do not to lose my lunch. So, why am I revisiting this pain, dredging up these emotions for this newsletter? Because amidst the turmoil, I've stumbled upon a lesson that's perhaps the hardest of all to grasp. Forgiveness. I'm sharing this as a cathartic release and a call to you, my reader. If you've ever felt chained by the ghosts of past betrayals, know that you're not alone. Together, let's explore the path to forgiveness, to unlocking the chains of the past and finding our way to a freer, more peaceful existence. This isn't just about my journey, it's ours. And it's time we took the first steps toward healing and liberation. Have you forgiven them? Right after pouring out my heart in a long phone conversation with one of my best friends who's been with me through every high and low, he hit me with a question that felt like a punch to the gut. Have you forgiven them? There I was, recounting the agony and the betrayal and the collapse of everything I'd worked so hard to build and all he could ask was if I'd forgiven those responsible. At that moment, I realized forgiveness wasn't just an option. It was a necessity. Yet, confessing to him, I admitted the truth. I hadn't forgiven them, not yet. It was still too raw, too fresh. The wound hadn't even begun to heal. But his question planted a seed. Forgiveness, I understood, isn't about them. It's about me. It's about us. It's not a switch you can just flip. It's a journey, one that requires acknowledging the pain, understanding its depth, and then somehow finding the strength to say, I let this go. And it dawned on me. Forgiveness is not a moment of epiphany, but a process, a deliberate, often painful process of coming to terms with what happened and consciously deciding not to let it define you any longer. It's realizing that holding onto the hurt is like clinging to a piece of wreckage in the ocean. It might keep you afloat for a while, but eventually you'll need to let go if you want to swim to shore. I'm grateful for my friend's challenge. He knew, even if I wasn't ready to fully accept it, that forgiveness is the only path out of this nightmarish loop. It's the key that unlocks the chains binding us to our past pains, freeing us to move forward, to heal, and to find peace. So, as we dive deeper into this exploration of forgiveness, remember, this isn't just about finding a way to excuse the inexcusable or forget the unforgettable. It's about acknowledging our hurt, recognizing our need to heal, and taking those first tentative steps towards a freedom that only forgiveness can offer. It's a path I'm still navigating with its fair share of stumbling blocks, but it's one I'm committed to walking. Because at the end of this journey lies the liberation of our hearts and the rebirth of our spirits. Let's walk this path together. A Quick Review Let's briefly revisit the journey we've been on over the past weeks. You may be a new reader, so I want to review the lessons I've been reviewing over the past 10 weeks. These lessons, born out of the depths of tremendous pain and failure, have not only fortified me, but also paved the way for this revelation about forgiveness. But as a reminder, here are the top 10 lessons I learned through my time in hell, and how I now am focusing on this concept of forgiveness. 1. Trust but Verify This season taught me the delicate balance between trust and caution, a lesson underscored by the pain of betrayal. 2. Temper Your Ambitions I learned to cherish the present, understanding that unbridled ambitions can overshadow life's simpler joys. 3. Recognize the Poison of Self-Consciousness This reminded me of the importance of authenticity over approval, a principle that forgiveness deeply resonates with. 4. Understand the Truth about Debt and Leverage It illustrated the wisdom in imbalanced financial decisions, mirroring the balance I attempt to let go of grudges versus holding on. 5. Appreciate the Importance of Leverage in Business Relationships This underscores the value of equitable power dynamics, akin to the power dynamics I navigate in the process of forgiveness. 6. Discover the Power in Exercising Your True Purpose It highlighted that making a difference begins with me living in the center of who I truly am, a notion that extends to how forgiveness can transform our internal landscape. 7. Harness the Power of Mindset I explored how my perspective shaped my reality, a truth vividly evident in the act of forgiving. 8. Uncovering the Secret about Loyalty and Betrayal This revealed the complexities of human relationships, preparing me for the nuanced path of forgiveness. 9. Value the Importance of Financial Reporting It taught me the significance of vigilance and awareness, qualities equally critical in recognizing the need for forgiveness. 10. Overcome the Thief Called Worry I learned that worry drains my vitality, much like unforgiveness binds me to my past pains. As vital as these lessons have been, a deeper realization dawned on me. Each of these teachings, while providing a foundation for resilience and growth, pointed to a broader, more encompassing truth, the necessity of forgiveness. The journey of recovery and growth following the collapse of what I had built was not just about navigating financial ruin or re-evaluating trust, it was also about confronting the chains of unforgiveness that tethered me to a stagnant past. Forgiveness, I've come to understand, is not just an adjunct lesson, it's central to applying all others. Without it, the lessons on trust, ambition, and mindset are incomplete. It's the linchpin that allows us to fully move forward, unburdened by the weight of past grievances. It's what turns our learned lessons into stepping stones toward a future, unshadowed by resentment. This bridge to forgiveness is not merely about transitioning from one lesson to another, it's about weaving the essence of all these lessons into a coherent narrative of healing and success. Thanks to a great friend, I now realize that without embracing forgiveness, the insights gained from these ten lessons would remain just that, insights, not transformation. Forgiveness is the process through which these lessons morph from concepts into lived experiences, enabling me to continue my journey, not just as a survivor of my past, but as an architect of my future. As you read this newsletter today, remember, it's not just an addendum to these lessons, it's the crucial process that enables us to truly live them. It's what allows us to step out of the shadows of our yesterdays and into the light of our tomorrows, empowered by the wisdom gleaned from our hardest trials. Irony Transitioning into the heart of this discussion on forgiveness, I've encountered what feels like a test of the very principles that I'm writing about today. In a peculiar twist of fate, or perhaps a deliberate nudge from the enemy, the quiet that had settled over my professional life in recent weeks has been abruptly punctured. Just when I thought I had things under control, life threw me a curveball. Actually, three. A message from my lawyer just yesterday, a call out of the blue from an old customer wanting help with something I cannot help with, and a voicemail from a former employee. It's like someone's stirring the pot, bringing all those old feelings of anger and frustration back to the surface. And this resurgence of the past, just as I'm diving into the complexities of forgiveness, isn't merely coincidental. It feels like a stark reminder that the journey of forgiveness isn't linear or confined to the abstract. It's real, messy, and undeniably challenging. Each of these unsolicited reminders of my former life and the fallout of my company's collapse could easily serve as kindling to the smoldering embers of resentment I've worked hard to cool. Yet, here lies the supreme irony, and perhaps a nudge from the Holy Spirit, towards genuine healing. These interruptions come in a moment when I'm most immersed in contemplating forgiveness. Not just as a concept, but as a lived, breathing practice. They're not just tests of my resolve, but invitations to apply the very essence of what I'm exploring. Forgiving, not just in quiet moments of reflection, but amidst the clamor and chaos of unresolved past conflicts rearing their heads. Forgiveness isn't merely about overcoming past betrayals or personal failures. It's about confronting and releasing the hold these experiences have on us, and especially when they're thrust back into our lives, demanding attention and potentially reigniting anger. I'm learning that forgiveness, much like leadership, isn't the mantle we don only in moments of calm, but a constant, defining approach to life and its inevitable upheavals. It's a leadership of the self, guiding our responses, shaping our interactions, and ultimately, determining the quality of our lives and the depth of our peace. In the realm of entrepreneurship, where every decision can pivot a destiny, emerged as an unexpected leadership quality. It's about showing strength through vulnerability, about setting the tone for a culture where mistakes are stepping stones and where growth is born from grace, not just grit. In my struggle to forgive those who had wronged me, I found solace in the words of Jesus, Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Yes, I was wronged, severely. People I thought I could trust screwed me. They wrecked my company. They stole my property. They caused irreparable harm. And they left me holding the bag. It's terrible. The fallout isn't even describable. But, this is nothing compared to what we have done to our Creator. And if He can forgive me of the wrongs I've committed in the pursuit of building my own kingdom, then I can forgive those who did this to me. It's not just about letting go of their actions, but about liberating myself from the chain of resentment. Their actions were real. I still think about it. There was a time early on after the original blow-up when I would excuse their actions out of the desire to somehow make sense of and justify what happened. But now, I'm very clear that their actions, whether done on purpose or by ineptness, led to this colossal failure. And those actions will never be forgotten. But I can't let those actions control me. I refuse to allow the past to define my present, much less my future. So how do I forgive them? Number one, acknowledgement. The first step was the hardest. Acknowledging not just the hurt caused by them, but also my role in the narrative. It was a moment of profound vulnerability, admitting how deeply I had been affected. While they are to blame for the decisions they made and the actions they took that led to the dissolution of my business, I am also responsible because there are things that I could have done to help prevent this, yet I didn't do it. This isn't an admission of wrongdoing on my part, but rather a perspective that I needed to embrace so that I could acknowledge the hurt and the need for forgiveness. Number two, empathy. Trying to see the situation from their perspective was a good exercise. It doesn't excuse their actions, but helps me understand the human flaws we all share. I'm not sure if they did this on purpose or not, but I want to give them the benefit of the doubt and say that it was an accident. Hard to believe that could be an accident so bad that it would lead to this outcome, but this attempt at empathy brought me closer to the essence of Jesus' teachings on forgiveness, emphasizing compassion over condemnation. I'm still working on this. Number three, commitment. Deciding to forgive was a pivotal moment. My friend challenged me and I resisted, but I cannot resist forever. I had to commit to forgiving them even when I didn't want to. It is a commitment made in the quiet of my heart, a promise to strive for peace over bitterness. And each day this decision is tested and each day I choose forgiveness anew. This doesn't mean I'm going to hang out with them or have a relationship with them, but it does mean that I can choose not to allow their actions to have power over my emotions. And number four, action. This was where the theoretical met the practical. For me, action meant prayer and reflection, seeking guidance and strength from Jesus to uphold my commitment to forgive. I have to actually say out loud that I forgive them. And truth be told, I haven't mustered the strength to do this yet. I'm working on it. There's much work to do for this lesson to be fully complete in me. Forgiving myself, the hardest part of the journey. The path to forgiving myself was strung with obstacles of self-doubt and regret, yet in this struggle I found the profound truth of grace. Jesus' message of unconditional love and forgiveness became a balm for my soul, teaching me that forgiveness includes forgiving ourselves. This process of self-forgiveness is ongoing. It's about recognizing my fallibility, learning from my mistakes, and understanding that growth comes from every stumble. It's a journey of accepting grace, not just from God, but from myself. The final leg, I return to business wisdom. As we conclude this series of newsletters on the lessons I learned in hell last year, I stand at a crossroads, looking back at the lessons learned and forward to the journey ahead. Next week, I plan to pivot back to the core of entrepreneurship, armed with the insights and resilience forged through this exploration of forgiveness and the other ten lessons I've shared here. And your role in this narrative doesn't end here. I encourage you to reflect on the power of forgiveness in your life and business practices. How can embracing forgiveness transform your leadership, your relationships, and your path to success? In closing, a future defined by freedom. Forgiveness, as I've come to learn, isn't a one-time act, but a continuous choice. A choice that defines the fabric of our lives. It's about stepping into a future free of the past hurts, a future where our spirits are free and our hearts are open to the endless possibilities that await. So, it's time to move on. Forgiveness is crucial. But know that forgiveness doesn't require a restoration of relationship. Moving on doesn't mean ignoring hurt and acting as if all is well. Forgiveness is a practice of decision-making, deciding to refuse to allow past hurts to dictate future emotions. And while I'm pretty sure I'll never be friends with the folks who ruined my business, I'm 100% sure that I will no longer allow their actions to guide my path into bitterness, anger, resentment, and regret. In the great words of Florence Scovel Shinn, I cast this burden on the Christ within and I go free. Cast your hurts on Him too. He can handle it. It's time to move on. It's time to be free. Here's to your success. The real Jason Duncan.