Mark Valkos on faith Moving Forward

Mark Falco grew up in a Christian family and was involved in church. However, he made poor choices and drifted away from his faith. He faced darkness and struggled to fit in with the wrong crowd. Mark eventually found his way back to God and now shares his story. He also played drums in a band and toured around different states. through their Rooms for Rooms program by donating a portion of your stay to local organizations who provide a safe haven for those experiencing homelessness in the Nashville community. Visit RussellNashville.com to book your stay today. Hello, my name is Kevin and I am with my co-host Beth and you are listening to the Faith Moving Forward Podcast. Mark Falco is a 25-year-old young man who grew up in the church and felt God's calling on his life early on. He served in the ministry for a while, but after making some poor choices, Mark drifted away and found himself in a place of deep darkness, deeper than many of us can even imagine. Well, with Halloween just around the corner, it's kind of the perfect time to have important conversations with your kids about the reality of the spiritual world and the dangers of opening doors to the enemy. While culture often downplays it just as a game, Mark's story is a powerful reminder of how real and dangerous it really can be. But the best part of his journey is that God never left him, no matter how far he strayed. God's hand remained on his life, eventually bringing him back. Thanks for being on, Mark, and welcome. Thank you. Thank you. Happy to be here. Oh, it's so good to have you, Mark. We have a little bit of history with Mark. We've known his parents for a long time, I think 30-some years or so. Right, yep. And so we knew his parents before Mark was. He has great people. Great family. And we would like to hear your story. Paint us a picture of what it was like to grow up in the Velkos family in Lake City, Minnesota, at Valley View Assembly of God Church. Well, like you said, I got three older brothers, and I got one younger sister. But having three older brothers, just growing up in the house, I don't know. It was interesting. Being the younger brother, I got taught a lot of stuff, and I was able to watch things to do, watch things not to do, as much as his examples do. But growing up in the house, the main thing that stands out to me is I always knew there was a God because my parents became believers before I was born. It ended up just being a center point of our lives of like, yeah, going to church. My parents ran a youth group for a while, so ever since I was very young, probably like four or five years old, I was going to youth group, joining with the older kids. Yeah, I just always knew there was a God, and that's what a lot of the center points of our talks were about. We have morning devotions. One thing that's so cool is my sister and brother-in-law pastored the church that you guys attended growing up, and my brother-in-law led your dad to the Lord. I remember that. Amen. I think real early on when they got there, like in the early 90s or maybe even 89 or something, but they just became good friends, and your dad just kind of jumped in with all fours and started helping out in the church and doing things, and your whole family was just a great asset in that church growing up, so that's really cool. How was it in the school years, like junior high, high school? Did you start feeling any pressures, or what was your experience like with that? I was homeschooled for a while there, and just from how I grew up, I had convictions of like, I'm never going to do this, I'm never going to do that, and I also thought and knew that there was reasons why you don't. God protects us from doing certain things because it harms us physically and spiritually, and not just because he doesn't want us to do it, it's also for protection, but I knew that growing up, and then when I got into school, elementary school, and then into high school, I started feeling the pressures then, but then in high school, then it started changing to where I started being more open to stuff and started accepting the things that I first had convictions against, and then I just was losing that feeling. Sure, and you probably, did you have, what kind of friends did you have during that time? Was that part of the pulling away? Yeah, bad company spoils good character. They're not saying they're bad people, but they were like unevenly yoked, like I didn't have friends that had the same beliefs as me. I was kind of the odd man out in that world, and then losing the conviction to stand on what's right and to be grounded in my faith, I would then end up just giving in to stuff because I was kind of wanting to fit in and just wanting to be accepted. Sounds a lot like me when I was in high school. I mean, I had a lot of pressures, and I had a lot of youth group friends, but even though some church friends still can be not the best influence sometimes, and we got into some trouble, I mean, even in high school with church friends and things. Yeah, once I graduated, I couldn't wait to graduate, and once I walked out of that school for the last time, I thought, okay, here we go, and I couldn't wait, and somewhat like you, I went the wrong way, though. You just got into bad things and wrong things. I did. It took a few years for me to come back. So what year did you graduate then? I ended up dropping out. Oh, okay. Like 2017, technically. I got my GED then and then ended up going to a semester of school and then dropped out of that. Okay. Yeah, I was just aimlessly wandering after school. So now you are a drummer, right? Yes, ma'am. So did you play drums in your, like, elementary or junior high or high school years? Where did that come in? I actually went to play because of the church. My parents were running youth group, and then they ended up wanting to start a youth band, and I just put the drums for youth. Oh, wow. I did. I didn't know that. I knew you played them now, but I didn't know back then you did. Yep. I started around, like, 14 years old. Yeah. Okay. Are you self-taught then? Yes, sir. Yep. Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome. Cool. Yeah, I don't have a lot of technical understanding of that stuff. You know what, though? That's all right. I mean, the best players I know don't have the technical side. They just, you know, play by ear. If you're stuck reading music all the time, you're, I don't know. Sometimes limited. Yeah, you're sometimes limited. I see, you know, that just read music, and that's the way they play. It seems like they're very limited with what they can do, and it's hard for them to just jump in and play on a song or something, you know, because they want the sheet in front of them. So now, was it music that, you know, after you graduated or got your GED, what did it look like after that? What was life like for Mark? Did you stay in Lake City? After I graduated, I did for a year or so. Okay. Because of compromise before that, because I was playing on the worship team at church, not just youth group, but on the main worship team for, like, a year or two before that, I was also dating this girl, and I knew, like, the truth of, like, what we were doing was wrong because what I was taught is, like, before marriage, don't do this other stuff or anything else. So I was like, well, I'll date her, and she's not Christian, but, like, she's coming to church with me now, so it's like I can save her, like that savior mentality, which is just a complete lie. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I hear that a lot, so everyone's heard that. Yeah. Yeah. So then after that blew up, that's when I ended up leaving Lake City. That relationship blew up on you? Yeah. We ended up having a miscarriage, and other stuff happened to where just all the guilt and everything was just heavy on me, and instead of running to God, I ran away. Right. Okay. Where did you go from there then? I moved 100 miles away to Mankato. Okay. It's just a college party town. Yeah. Did you know people there, or did you just go there, just decided you wanted to go there? My brother was going to school there. Okay. So did you just go down there and live with them and get a job just to get away? Nope. It was a little more desperate than that. It was just to get away, but I didn't live with him. He had roommates, but I literally just went on Craigslist and just found people that needed a roommate, so I sublet with two dudes, one from Nigeria, one from Liberia, so it was interesting. Right. Yeah. So they were students that you were living with? They were, yeah. Okay. All right. So where did it go from there then? Because you got in a band eventually, right? Yeah, yeah. No, I was in a bunch of bands before this, but yeah, once I moved to Mankato, probably a year and a half or so after I was there, I ended up joining this band called Alice's Escape. I was in for maybe two years or so. Okay. You just played like bars and things like that? Yeah, yeah, bars and clubs, yep. You played drums for them, right? Yeah, and then some like backup vocals. Okay. Okay, around Mankato then? Yeah, around Mankato, and then we went around South Dakota and then Michigan and Wisconsin and Iowa. Really? Kind of a mini tour, huh? Yep. Yeah. Okay, cool. Now, did you do like a tour like that in the summer? Were they students? I mean, could you be gone during the school year type thing? None of them were students at the time. Like one of our members, he had a family. He was in his 30s or 40s, and the other member, like I was the youngest in it, and I was in school. So people just had jobs, and we just traveled wherever and whenever there were shows available. Wow. Oh, I didn't know that. Okay, and what kind of music did you play back then? Fun side notes? Most of the bands were just like metal, and this one was like more of a melodic metal kind of thing. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I'm somewhat familiar with life on the road like that, and that can get a little crazy out on the road like that. I had a friend who had a tour bus company, and when he'd come into town, he toured pretty big bands, bands that you'd know if I said them. And when he came into town, he'd call me up and say, hey, we're all staying at such and such hotel. So I'd go over there and hang out with them. Oh, wow. So I saw, yeah, I saw how they lived and the stuff they did, and I was just like, whoa. I mean, it was pretty crazy on the road. You probably experienced some of that on a smaller scale while you were traveling around, huh? Yeah, much smaller. It's like the cliche thing of like sex, drugs, rock and roll kind of thing. It's like that's true. Like any level you get on just in music and in that atmosphere, it's like that atmosphere invites stuff. And obviously there's like the reality of the spiritual war we're up against all the time. Yeah, right. It's so prevalent in the industry. Yeah. So kind of hard to not get pulled away. So that went for a couple years. Is that right? Yeah. And then I ended up starting my own band. And then, well, I was in the midst of that one, and we had more shows, and then we played both bands at the same show kind of thing sometimes. So it was just more shows, more music, and, yeah. Kind of what I lived for then was just playing live music. It was fun somewhat. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. How did you, I mean, it sounds like you weren't sleeping much and you were playing a lot. Yeah. Anytime we had time to practice and just jam together and write stuff, like either band, like that's what we were doing. That's what honestly was giving me, taking my mind off the fact that I didn't have peace, but, like, that was a comfort. Sure. Right. Right, trying to fill that void. Could you feel the, like, darkness, the satanic pull, like you're getting in over your head type of thing, or was it just you didn't even notice you were not aware of all that? Oh, I was. It came and went, like, how heavy the feeling was, because, like, when I moved there to Mankato, I was 19, and, like, up to this point, like, I didn't drink at all ever until I turned 18, and then I started drinking, and then I didn't smoke anything until I was 19, and then I started smoking constantly. I smoked weed every single day for a while, but, like, when we'd play music, like, I wanted to be high, and in the midst of that, like, it would kind of take away the heaviness I felt, but then it also, over time, would actually bring the heaviness even heavier, I felt before, because I also knew the reality of, like, I grew up in church. I grew up on the church worship team, and it's like if you're playing music, if you're singing and stuff like that, like, that is a form of worship, and I knew that I was supposed to worship the Lord, supposed to worship Jesus, and I literally willingly went against that and knew that, well, at first it was like, oh, I'll just do this, and, like, it's fine, because, like, I still worship at church, and then as I got further into the world, the conviction grew heavier of, like, okay, I can't worship at church anymore because, like, I'm fake, and I know that because I prayed for conviction at one point, and he convicted me, and I didn't like that. So then I pressed into the other music way more, but I also knew, like, the empty void was, like, getting bigger, but I love playing music, but then I also knew the reality of, like, if I'm not worshiping Jesus, I'm worshiping something else, but then I'd smoke, I'd party, I'd do all this other stuff to get my mind off of that. Right. And it did get darker. Oh, my God. But it wasn't, I know some bands are really blatant, you know, with almost flaunting Satan, you know, and the devil and all that. Was your band near that, or was it just... It's easy not to see the stuff you don't want to see. And when I was in the midst of stuff, like, I didn't write any of the lyrics for a lot of the songs that I wrote in one of the bands, but, like, one of the bands, the band I started, Apartment 3, me and my buddies came together and wrote those lyrics together, but then the other band I did not write the words to, but literally when I came back to the Lord, I looked at the words, like, I just got led to the Google Docs page that had all the lyrics. I read it, and I was, like, blown away at how blatantly obvious it was. Really? Yeah. I literally would sing the words at some points, like, the backup stuff, and, like, I'd just sing it, but I would not comprehend it. Like, it didn't clear. But then looking at it now, I'm like, it's so obvious. And the other bands that we had shows with and stuff, like, there was a couple different times where I had felt the heaviness of the atmosphere, the darkness change. And one of the shows I clearly remember where they straight up had invited, like, they were doing a ritual, and I felt very at odds with the entire thing, but they did a ritual of just inviting a presence into here. But the band was very obvious and blatant, like, with what they were doing. Seriously. And I just, and this is on the small scale. Like, especially heavier music, like, heavier music, people are very familiar with darkness. They're very familiar with the emptiness, and they're very familiar with depression and anger, which is also why, like, it's an outlet to be able to do metal music and everything else, because, yeah, it takes those feelings, and you just, like, hold it out. Yeah. And an expression of it. But people are very vented. Yeah. It's almost like venting. Yeah. Kind of. Yep. Let me ask you this. So when I was away from the Lord, I always kind of had in the back of my head, you know, someday I'll go back to him. Did you ever have that feeling or those thoughts where you thought, well, someday I'm going to have to go back to what I know is right? Or maybe you did. Yeah, I did. Did you? Because I always thought that, too. I remember thinking to myself, well, not now, though. Not yet. I'm not going back yet. But I just knew kind of in the back of my mind that, you know, I was taking a big gamble, straying away from him like that, and anything could happen. But I thought, I'm going to take that risk, and we'll see what happens, and eventually I'll be back. So right or wrong, and that may screw up some theology out there, but it's a fact. I mean, that's what I thought when I was out there doing it. So, and here I am. Now I do, I mean, absolutely live for the Lord and Jesus and not a part of any of that stuff anymore and have no desire to go back to that. And I look back at it now and think, well, it was cool, but it was not cool. I mean, people look at it from a distance and think, wow, I mean, you got to do all these things and look at all that you got to experience. And now I think about it and I'm like, well, meh, you know, not as cool as you think, not as awesome as it thinks, as people might think. I mean, you might be happy and having fun for one minute, but then maybe an hour later it's completely different and you're miserable. Or, you know, there's other things. I mean, there's, you know, with the drinking and everything, there's fights and there's disagreements and everything, and you get caught up in all that stuff. And so absolutely I do not miss that whatsoever. And I'm living my best life right now. I like the way it is and I wouldn't change anything. And I know you are too, Mark. With that being said, eventually a change happened. Tell us the story of how you eventually did come back or the Lord pulled you back. Like you were saying, with just the momentary satisfaction, like all the years I was doing that drinking, smoking, like partying, having sex, and like all this other stuff, it's like, yeah, that gives you that momentary satisfaction. But then as you keep doing that, like when you come back to reality, it's even more empty, even more dark, even more painful. And I was getting to a place where that's all I felt was just anger and depression. I was anxious constantly. And then all the things I used for that comfort to take that away, now we're not working at all. And this is two and a half, three years later. Did you talk to your parents at all during all this? Every time I come to visit them, my dad would, I don't think he purposefully did, but he was just trying to fight for his son's salvation. He was trying to wake him up, but he was just convicting every single time. But I never ever wanted to talk about it because it's just shedding a light on the truth of what I'm doing. And obviously I was loving the darkness at that point. I didn't want to come to the light at all. But my parents had a lot of their own issues going on there. So I was just like, I don't want to deal with my issues, and I don't want to deal with theirs. So it wasn't like ever a topic I wanted to talk about. But every time I'd come home, before I even came in the door, I was trying to make sure I was high because I didn't want to think about that stuff. But a dad with being how he is and how old he is, it's like, nope. It's a lot of love. I'm going to make sure you hear it. And like you said, he's fighting for his son. He loves you that much, so that's cool. Yeah. That actually also ended up bringing up some more of the pain because I see all the stuff he's going through, and then I go back into the comfort that I had, and I know that what I'm doing is not just hurting me. It's hurting my parents. It's hurting all these other people I know. People are praying for me. And for those total of five years after I left Lake City, I didn't go and talk to Pastor Bonnie one time, which were basically like my spiritual parents ever since I was growing up. That's what they were to me. And I completely rejected them because it was way too convicting. Yeah, sure. Yeah, and during this time, your dad had some health issues too, right? Yeah, those have been going on for many years, and he's had the doctor say multiple times, oh, he's not going to make it. He's done for. You guys might as well say goodbye. We've been to that place multiple times. But for some reason, he pulls through. And with this last time that that happened, everything in my world was coming crashing down. I didn't understand how much of a hypocrite and a liar and a user and evil wicked person I was because I was judging all these people that were living one way, and yet I was doing worse than them. I was getting into even witchcraft and this other stuff. Rebellion is witchcraft, and I was doing actual witchcraft as well. But I knew better the whole time, and I knew there was a God, but I was rejecting Him. But this is how the Lord used my dad. All these situations health-wise my dad's gone through where he's almost taken away from us. He was standing firm on the reality and the truth of that there is a God, that He loves us, and that that's all He wanted to give us as children growing up and adults too. It's like that's all that you need is to know that He's there and that He wants a relationship with you. Because of this health issue where my dad ended up having a heart attack while they were traveling. They were in Pennsylvania when this happened. He had a heart attack, and he ended up coding for 29 minutes. He was gone for 29 minutes, and somehow he came through. Then I ended up getting that call when everything was going wrong in my life, and I was living with a girl at this time. Nothing was helping the pain that I was sitting in. Then I get a call that added way more pain from the truth of your dad's in the hospital right now. He's in a coma. He's not responsive, but you need to come out here. By that happening and by the situation of it being in Pennsylvania, that meant I had to get out of my bubble that I was using for comfort of smoking all the time, and drinking all the time, and doing all this stuff. It ripped me out of the place that I had built, and it brought me to, again, the reality of my actions have consequences. Just going out to the hospital room there, just seeing him laying in the bed and not able to respond or anything. Everything in me was saying, pray, pray for him. I've seen the power of prayer. I've seen my mom be healed. Everything in me was saying, pray, but I could not. That was eye-opening for me then. It hurt incredibly bad, but it was also showing me. It just reminded me. I just knew there was a God, and because of what's going on with my pops, that brought all those memories and all the things he said to me back into my mind. I could not pray for him, and that also showed me. Understanding it now is like my soul was dead. Right. Was that a scary thought, that you couldn't even pray when your dad was in such a desperate situation? Oh, yeah. It was terrifying. Yeah, I bet. It just reminds me of 1 Timothy, where it says, they that live in pleasure are already dead while they are still living. I just had a heavy dose of that. I was like, yep, I'm not alive, and I've been baptized in the Spirit before. I've experienced God all before this, like as a young kid, and now I'm feeling the heavy opposite of that, what it is about the Lord. Yeah, so is that the point where things started changing for you? That happened the second time I went out there. The first time I went out there, it was that reality of like, okay, I can't pray. Then it was just like two weeks, and I went back home, and I was just in two weeks of just pain, and thinking that that was the last time I was going to see my dad, and all the odds we were at, like every time I come home, like I wouldn't even want to talk to him because of that, and like I'd avoid certain things that I knew was just his heart trying to reach out to me. And then I got called two weeks later, and they said that they were going to take the ventilator out because he was on five forms of life support at this time, and they ended up saying, you have to get out here now if you want to say goodbye because he's failed all the breathing tests, and they think once they pull the ventilator out, he's just going to go. And so we went out there, and I didn't have the means to get out there financially, and my car couldn't make it because all my money was going into smoking and drinking and everything else. And like I had a good job the whole time I was out in Mankato, but I had no discipline at all, and I was just using it to just make myself feel better and get some gratification. But yeah, I ended up going out to the hospital room for the second time, and when I went out there, yeah, yep. Okay. Seventeen-hour drive, just like honestly, it was just pain going out there. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, that was a long one. I went out there with my brother and my sister. We were in the car, and my brother and I, like we've never been close growing up, but literally through this the Lord used it for like obviously brothers are made for tons of adversity. Right. And I felt that so clearly. Yeah. Like I was so far from the Lord, but this honestly opened our hearts and brought us closer together. Right. Before the ventilator, and somehow he started breathing. Yeah, I remember that. Oh, wow. Thank God. He was still breathing. I was like, wow, that's amazing. Yeah. Thank you for the prayer that you got back. Again, you guys were aware of what was happening at that time. Yeah, we have been praying. Hallelujah. Yep, absolutely. So in that two-week period between going there the first time and then going back the second time, had you started to come to grips with I need to get things right with the Lord? Had you come to that yet or not yet? No, no, not yet. I at that point was just seeing how at odds with God I was. If you're not born again, you are an object of wrath and you are an enemy of God, and that's literally where I was sitting. And I knew it before, but he gave me a vision when I knowingly, willfully turned away from him. He gave me a vision that it was just an open field, and I was just walking, and then I got picked up and tossed into this pit, and just from that alone I woke up weeping. I had someone in my bed with me. I was just immersed in the world and all this wickedness, and he literally still reached out with that. But that was right at the beginning of the two-and-a-half, three years of the heavy rebellion where I wasn't acting like a Christian anymore because I would act like a hypocrite and be like, oh, I'm a Christian, but then I'd judge and allow all this compromise. And I got to the point where I'm like, all right, I'm not a Christian, but I'm still going to do this, and I actually got worse. But that just opened my eyes to see how at odds with God I was, and I actually had the lie in my head of like, like you were saying, like you would lie to yourself and be like, well, I'll just keep back with the Lord. Like if something, like if it gets to a bad situation, I'll just reach out with that. Like you always call on him, right? Yeah, yeah. Pull that emergency cord. Which is graceful and merciful. He's graceful and merciful, but it's like obviously he knows your heart, and if you're just literally using grace like a cheap credit card and stuff like that, like you're spitting on grace, and that's kind of where I was seeing that that's where I was at. And I ended up, yeah, getting into darker, darker place than I've ever been before in my life. And I've had a couple encounters with spiritual, like demonic stuff and everything else, and like during that period, yeah, I was just seeing that anything that I've done in the last couple of years is literally worthless, and like I am an enemy of God, and I believe the lie that the only way I could be saved again is if Christ got crucified for me again. And I was like, I know that's not happening, so I'm done for. Like I felt for those two and a half years that I was going to die every single day, but then it got even worse then. And actually from during that period, I expressed to my girlfriend at the time and one of my closest friends at the time, like while we were drinking and getting high, like it just came out of me. I just ended up saying really dark stuff about who I was and what I think is going to happen kind of thing. And at one point I said to both of them at a different time, I was like, I'm going to burn, and I deserve it. And like not being for a Christian upbringing or stuff like that, you don't really get that. And I got asked during that period by my ex, she was like, do you contemplate suicide? Like that's really weird for you to say that. And I was like, no. And I jumped out at her because I'm not contemplating suicide because I know exactly where I'm going to go if I do that. With like all the stuff I've done, like I'm just one way ticket to hell. Like I'm not trying to do that, but I also don't feel like there's any getting out of it. Wow. Interesting. You kind of thought you were stuck. Yeah, yeah. Like you're saying, I could just repent and turn right back to God. And that's literally the visual for that. It's digging a pit, and then you're like, oh, I could crawl out, but I'm going to keep digging. And you keep digging, and you keep digging. Dig a little bit more. Yeah. Yeah. And then you can't get out. And then you're like, oh, no. How'd this happen? It's like, no, you caused this yourself. Wow. Yeah, that's what I was saying. That's really good. Good visual. Wow. At that point, you felt like you'd gone absolutely too far, and there was no getting back. Yeah. Yep. I actually wrote a song in the band's apartment three called The Pit, which a lot of the stuff I ended up writing about was actually just a reflection of what was actually going on. Yeah. Yeah, it's just interesting. Like the music was not good, but like the words were just telling. Wow. Okay, you have a song, Master. What's that about? Oh. So after the second time I went out, I saw my pop. Okay. God reached out through him in his words, because my dad came out of the coma. It was a medically induced one, and he was still not in his right mind. He was on fentanyl and all this other stuff. Oh, wow. He was awake in the room, and they said he was going to be gone, so I contemplated I'm never going to see him again. I'm never going to talk to him, but then he was awake. I ran up to him, gave him the biggest hug I've ever given him, and I was just broken and weeping. It was incredibly painful, but I was so happy to have my dad. He was weeping, too, because he had a ventilator in him for two and a half weeks. His voice and his throat was just messed up, but he grabbed me and brought me really close. He just said, Mark, if this brings you closer to God, ask me if I would do it again for you. Really? Wow. That completely confused me, but also shattered my heart. This is my dad. Literally, with what I was thinking, the lie before of Christ would have to be crucified again for me. I'm not saying my dad's Christ at all, but this is a very similar parallel to that. If going through this would bring you closer to God, would I do it again? He said, without a doubt. I was like, that doesn't make any sense, because I'm not worthy. I've rejected you. I've rejected the church. I've spit on our family name. I've spit on Christianity. I've done all this. He still is reaching out. Through those words, it ended up getting brought to my mind. I'm like, that's God's heart through my dad reaching out to me. I was like, I know what you've done. I know what you've been through, but I still love you. I still want you. You're not too far gone. That's obviously the lie that people believe. There's no hope for me. I'm already gone. It's like, nah, there is forgiveness. Because of that, my mind was now open. I knew God was reaching out, but I still was like, it doesn't make sense. I'm not worthy. Then after a while there, I was just in the house where I was living with my girlfriend. We had a music room there, and I would make music down there. I just literally worshiped and smoked, get high, and play music, play drums, sing. Stuff was different, because especially after that point, nothing was working. The weed wasn't working. Alcohol wasn't working. My mind was completely open to knowing that God's there, but it's like, I don't know where to go from here. At this point, I stopped listening to worship music. I stopped listening to anything godly for all those years, too, because that's too convicting. This song, Master, is by the band Demon Hunter. It's a heavier song. The words in that gave me a different understanding. It brought me to understanding the lordship of Christ. At one point in the song, it talks about, I paint the sacred blood on the door. It clicked in my mind. Obviously, it's a parallel with the Israelites painting the lambs' blood on the door. Obviously, that's what Christ is for us. Because we have that blood on our door, because we are covered in the blood, we are saved from the angel of death. We are saved from death if we come to repentance, and if you actually seek the Lord, and if you surrender your life to Him. I've heard it perfectly now, what singing is. Singing is impassioned speech. Wow, that's good. St. Augustine, singing is also praying twice. I couldn't pray. When I went out to that room this whole time, I couldn't pray. I was just broken. My girlfriend left. She went to work. Our other roommate was gone, so I just had the house by myself. I had so much pain and weight going on that music was the only comfort somewhat that I had. I sang the song, and as I'm reading words from out the heart, the mouth speaks. As I'm reading these words and actually understanding them, I started feeling something. Then when I got to a certain point in the song, a light came out of the top right part of my vision of the room, and it hit me. I fell to my knees, but in that split second when that light hit me, I felt joy. I felt peace. I felt love. Then instantly after that second, I just felt way heavier pain and confusion because I'm like, what am I doing? The prodigal coming to a census, that's straight up what it was. I came to my census, and I realized I'm like, you're real, and I know you're real because you literally just showed yourself to me. I didn't see Christ, but I saw the glory. I saw the light. In the darkest place that I've ever been, I knew I wasn't worthy. I'm not worthy of this at all, but you're still reaching out, so I'm like, okay. Something different, but when that light hit me, I knew. From the song, it's talking about if you don't have me as your master, you're going to have all these other masters, and you're going to be led by the flesh. You're going to be led by the flesh that ultimately leads to hell. It's like I was saying I'm a slave to drugs. I'm a slave to alcohol. I'm a slave to sex. I'm a slave to all these different things, and I hate it. I was like, well, I need to – I understood that Lordship of Christ, I just knew I need to make you my master, but literally in that split second, I felt the chains break and addictions break. I just felt free because I was controlled for years. I just knew stuff was gone, like a weight was lifted. My girlfriend ended up coming home, and I just knew I had to tell her the truth, but I also didn't know how to really explain it. I was just like, stuff's different. Our relationship is changing. I'm sorry, but this is the truth of what I believe now. I've been lying to you all these years. I've been acting like I don't believe this, and I act like this doesn't matter when I'm like, no, this is the truth, and I have to walk with it now because I can't deny it anymore. Yeah, our relationship changed that day when she came home, and it took a bunch of steps back. Yeah, the song just showed me the Lordship of Christ, and I need a Savior. There's no better Lord, there's no better master than Christ, obviously, because everything else is just going to bring struggle. Everything else is just going to bring pain. So that was the Lord himself in that light, in the room that day, that night, meeting you. Did you feel his loving presence just when you fell to your knees? Did you just feel loved? It's confusing because, like, yes, I felt love and joy and peace, but then I also felt where I am. Like, I have access to that, but, like, he's still reaching out, but it's also like I can't stay where I'm at. It's kind of like that moment my dad said that stuff to me in that room. Like, he talks about it now, and he's like, that is the most beautiful moment I've ever had in my life, like God speaking to me through, speaking through me to you with that. And then he's like, that was just wonderful. And then in my mind, I'm like, that's so painful. But, like, it's just, like, ripping me out of where I'm at. And, like, obviously, like, just pruning, getting pruned, like, child 13 and stuff like that. But, like, pruning is not a fun process. Like, it hurts, but it's cutting off the dead things. It's cutting off the bad things so that you can produce more fruit and you'll be healthier. But that's kind of what it was. You're painting quite a picture of the struggle. Satan did not want to let you go. There was a battle going on there. And you're explaining, walking us through it. It's like we can hear this tug of war and how Satan tried so much to keep beating you down, beating you down. You're good for nothing. You've gone too far. And it's, Satan likes to isolate and pull aside and put you off in a corner and secrets and lies. And he beats you up, you know, in the mind. Colossians 3.13 is, let the peace of God rule and act as I'm parceling with finality. The questions that arise in your mind, it's questions a lot of times that Satan will throw at you and start robbing, pulling you away and isolating you. And it's like things you don't want to voice to anybody else. They'd be like, what am I saying? What am I thinking? You know, so you isolate. And you let your mind get beat up. And there's that tug of war you explained so well. And yet how the love of the Lord piercing in this light where you fell to your knees, it's like I can picture it, how beautiful. And all the while you're feeling the battle, internal battle, but you know you can't go back. Right? Yeah. Like the house I was living in was just, like I was just immersed in darkness, like from the choices I had made and just what I built up now. But then that happened, and I literally just felt my spirit. I'm like, go get my Bible. And I didn't know where it was. I was like ripping my room apart trying to find where my Bible was. And I knew then I needed that. I didn't fully understand why, but obviously like you immerse yourself in God. You immerse yourself no matter where you're at. Like he will meet you there because obviously like where could I ascend that you're not? And like if I make my bed in the depths, like you are there. Like he is in every place. But it's like believing that. And I just like found my Bible, and I just began to read it. And when I first opened it up, there's actually a part that my mom wrote just at the beginning where it says, Sin will keep you from this book, or this book will keep you from sin. And like that wrecked me too. So I also read that, and I'm like, oh. So I got to stay immersed in this even though I'm living in a place where God is not invited at all. But I need him, so I'm going to invite him. But yeah, just trying to immerse myself as much as I could when I'm still immersed in this darkness. But I knew things had to change. Wow. So at that point, did you walk away from the house, the band, the job, your girlfriend, and all that, all at once? It was like a two-and-a-half-week process. Because like from that point, that day, I grabbed my Bible and like I just began to, I called my mom and told her. Like she knew something happened. She knew something happened. She could tell there was a difference with me because like I called her. I was just broken. But like she knew before that something happened. I think because like a song I posted, and it usually gets a bunch of dark stuff I post and listen to. But like this song was different because it was godly. And I ended up. And you're like, oh, what's going on? Wonderful. Yep. Something changed, but I ended up just reaching out to her. And I'm like, I told her what happened, and she's just rejoicing. But then I'm on the other side. I'm like, I don't know what to do. Like I'm so unworthy. Like why would he do this? And then all she began to do, and my dad, all they began to do on the phone to me like every night when I called them for like these two weeks was just speak life, speak truth into me. Even though like I know God did what he did, but it doesn't make sense to me. And I don't know where I'm supposed to go from here. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. But it was like a two-and-a-half-week process, and through that process is where I reached out and I was like, Lord, I have the prayer written down. Because like I would write lyrics all the time when I'm at work and like when I'm at home, but I just began to write prayers when I was at work. Because, again, like the place that I used to work, like we'd smoke every single day. Like I had a bunch of dealers that worked there, and we'd pull up to work, and then we'd get our carts and stuff like that from them, and then we'd just get high all day. But now I can't get high, and I don't want to, but like I still feel the emptiness every time I'm there. And I just began to write these prayers, and they were just flowing out of me. And one of the ones that I know the Lord used a lot was where I wrote, I wrote, Lord, show me where to go, what to say, and I will proclaim and confess it. And I ended up getting, I was impressed with my spirit. I have to go talk to all my buddies, my bandmates. I had to go talk to my girlfriend's dad. I had to go talk to Pastor Bonnie, and I had to tell my parents all this stuff that I confessed. Like I've been a liar. I've been manipulating and using. Like I was acting like I don't believe this stuff, but I believe all of it. I just had to apologize and tell them the truth. And that was through the two-and-a-half-week period that that was going on. And like I was terrified of doing that, because that's not fun. What I see through all of it is that there was grace through every single one of those. Like people who weren't even godly, like people who weren't even believers still had grace. And it was just incredible, because like all the stuff that I was thinking of why I shouldn't, it's like, no. Especially if you're getting directed, like obedience, there's nothing that's going to come bad from that. Even if it doesn't feel good, like obedience is key to freedom. That's all you got to do is just obey the Lord's voice. I began to hear it, and the hardest, heaviest one was going and talking to Pastor Imbani. Like they're beautiful, amazing people, but yeah, it was terrifying. Because like I knew the truth the whole time. I knew I needed the Lord. I knew I was walking away. And I rejected the church. I rejected Pastor Imbani. And all they were doing was just reaching out to me. And I knew they were praying for me that entire time. And like Bonnie was reaching out to me through those years, actually. And I would just literally avoid her. And I ended up getting prayed for by them after I confessed all this stuff. And they just saw the brokenness. And my dad came with me, and we were in Pastor's office. And through that, once they started praying, like Pastor was praying normally in English, and then Bonnie began to pray in tongues. And at first I was like, this is nice. And then there was a heavy battle going on. I started weeping. I started getting cold, like really cold, but I was sweating. And I was almost convulsing. And then in Pastor's office, whenever the church doors open, there's a thing that beeps at the barometric pressure gauge. My dad was in the room. He pointed this out, that that thing while they were praying went off like 20, 30 times. So he had a question. He's like, was that a physical manifestation of something going on in the spirit? Pastor's like, yep, I've seen it before. So at that point, through, again, walking in obedience and through trusting God, like deliverance also truly began for anything the enemy has tried to put on me, any of the lies that he's done. After that moment, like I had way more freedom than I had before of, like, not feeling like I was worth it, not feeling like I was worthy. And literally I brought my dad home after that. As I'm driving back to Mankato, going back into this situation, I'm literally just looking at the sky, and I'm looking at the trees, and I'm just looking at the sky. I'm, like, weeping. I'm like, it's so blue. Like, Lord, you're amazing. I was in the trees. I'm like, they're so green. And, like, I was seeing the glory of the Lord. And, like, it was incredible. And then, again, I got immersed in the darkness again, but I was also hanging on to that. It's like, I know you did this. And the enemy was trying to pull a fog over my mind and be like, no, that didn't happen. That didn't happen. And I was thinking about it. I'm like, well, why am I not drinking? Why am I not smoking? Why have I stopped seeing my girlfriend and all this other stuff? It's like, because it did happen. So it's like when you're experiencing that freedom and you're coming out of darkness, I got no doubt that people are going to end up experiencing a fog over their mind where they just have a hazy memory of stuff because the enemy is trying to stop whatever the Lord said. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And, you know, I'm thinking back to when you met with Pastor Imbani at church, and you said, you know, it's like each thing you confess. I've heard so often where you just start renouncing these things that were part of your, you know, these years being in darkness and away from the Lord. And it's like these demons coming out of you. These strongholds can't hold onto you anymore. The name of Jesus, the blood of Jesus is so powerful. And, you know, and everything that you were confessing and bringing out, and it's almost as if, you know, it doesn't matter what it looks like. They just can't hold onto you any longer. And all that stuff going on, it manifests and looks in different ways. But as you expose the light, it exposes the darkness. And, you know, speaking out, man, you can't underestimate how powerful. Talking about something and then bringing light to it and saying, I'm letting go of this. I don't want this in me anymore. And how Satan can't hold on. He loses grip. And, you know, when you headed back to Mankato, he's like, I can't lose this kid. You know, I can't lose him. And it's like he keeps trying to pull you back. But because you already brought light and exposure and renouncing one thing after another with your dad and Pastor Imbani, how much that just completely undid everything he had tried to bring you down to the grave, in effect. And all of a sudden, you know, it's got no stronghold on you anymore. Amen. What's your girlfriend think of all this? What's going on? Man, I feel for her. Like, I'm very, very, very, very thankful for what the Lord has done. But I'm also like still repentant of how, again, like I was using people, like I was using her for comfort, like misery loves company. And that's what I was doing. It's kind of why we got together. Like we bonded on smoking. We bonded on drinking and partying. Like that was our main stuff. And, yeah, the person that she fell in love with was a fake. The person that she fell in love with was just a mask. And then all this happened. And she was just confused. And we ended up, I don't know, we were together those two and a half weeks there. And she honestly was incredible when it came to like certain things. Like she was not trying to push me into anything. She was just watching this and, like, didn't know what to expect. And, actually, this still gives me a lot of hope for, like, her meeting the Lord. But through that process, through what she saw, she said at one point to me, she's like, Mark, I know the love that you felt and that you talk about is real to you, but I've never experienced that. And then my heart just got overwhelmed. So I'm like, but you can. I was like, there's enough. Like the Lord wants that. It's like she can see it. So, like, that's where I hope. It's like I continue to pray for her. God's salvation. Yeah. She's never felt that love. And, like, man, I want to, yeah, I want to do everything I can in prayer and everything else to try to do my best to have, I don't know, be led by the Spirit. Yeah. Godly women and wants to bring across their path. God's so good. Amen. He keeps bringing, whether it's through the radio or through a friend of a friend or through, you never know. And I have no doubt that God's going to reveal himself to her. Hallelujah. And have a plan and a path for her as well. So now, fast forward to today, what's going on in Mark's life now? Now the Lord is, I'm currently in a season of, he's bringing me to a place of deeper trust with him. So there's been, like, deliverance is a walk. So there's been still that understanding now of, like, things that he's trying to deal with in me, things that he's trying to deal with in my family. And, like, I moved back home, and the Lord has done so much and continues to do, like, today and this last week. He's done so much to where, like, our prayers are heard. Our prayers are heard. Amen. Love it. Like, anything you sow into the kingdom, like, it's not falling on deaf ears. Right. Like, obviously, if we continue to trust and believe that he hears us and that he's, again, wanting to see captives set free, wanting to see salvation, it's like, yes, I just want to pair into his will by the Spirit to pray, again, his will for things to happen. And I'm in a place of trust right now to where he told me, three days back, it was like, okay, my season ethic job that I've been at for the last year is up. I'm going to be brought into something new, which it was just on my heart heavily. It's like I'm going into ministry. I don't know exactly what that looks like. He also was making it clear, like, I am Jairo. I'm going to provide for you. And, like, currently not working right now, but, like, he has been faithful. And, like, stuff will just get brought to me because, again, I'm just giving him my burdens. I'm giving him my stresses and my fears. It's like I want to grow in my walk and not stay at this place of, like, doubting or stay at this place of fear of, like, the future. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. I know my father owns the cattle on a thousand hills and that he's going to provide. It's like, obviously, if a man doesn't work, don't let him eat. But, like, if he calls you to be obedient, it's like that goes above anything else. And what he's told me to do now is just rely on him and just, like, he's brought me in a place of deeper devotion, deeper prayer, and deeper covenant with him of just what he has in the future for me, which I do not know. But, like, he's doing so much in my family, like, constantly. Like, people are having things sparked up in their spirit, and, like, God's just walking them through past things that, like, traumas and stuff like that, which he's trying to show and reveal, like, lies that we believe because of stuff that's happened. Or, like, people who have been believers for a long time end up just, like, not walking in the fullness of the spirit and the fullness of freedom and the fullness of what Christ died for. We are not what our past is. We are not who we were. That person is dead. That person is crucified on the cross with Christ. I no longer need, but it's the spirit of Christ that lives within me. It's, like, truly walking in the fullness of his spirit and freedom. He's doing that with me more. He's doing that with, like, my parents. He's doing that with my brothers. And it's just been exciting. But, yeah, I don't know what to expect, but I know God's moving, and I just want to stay in step with him. I love it. You know what song comes to my mind as you're talking? There's a worship song by Elevation Worship, and it's called A New Thing Coming. And I just felt in my heart to say that is a word for you. God's moving you into a new season, and there's a new thing coming. And as you have received deliverance in all these areas, and as you're, you know, filling yourself up in worship and the word and him and his presence and being busy about his work, which you are, there is a greater anointing that gets poured out on your life and in your heart. And as you go about, people are going to start to come to you, and they're going to, you know, as you've received deliverance, you're going to start to be able to help others receive the deliverance that you have and fill up with the love of God. So many need to know that they matter in this life, that there is a love greater than they've ever experienced before, and you have been touched and met by the love of the Lord. And there is such a hurting world out there that needs exactly what you've been filled up with. And I'm thrilled for you, Mark. I think God just has, he's just on the beginning. You have this whole thing about to unfold before you. And we'll just pray God continues to direct your steps into the good thing he's creating for you. Right, exactly. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Pat. Absolutely. Oh, exciting. I'm excited what God's doing in you, Mark. So as we kind of wrap it up here, say someone's listening, Mark, out there, and this is all new to them, and maybe they're caught up in some things that they know are wrong. And what are the steps they need to take? Explain that to them in real easy terms. The first thing that comes to mind is just be honest. Like, are you happy? Are you truly, like, at peace? And, like, I know people who don't know Jesus, who don't have the relationship with him. It's like, I know for a fact you're not at peace. And anything that you do think brings you peace, it's not. Because, again, once that's gone, like, you're just more empty than you were before. So it's just like if people don't know Christ, if they don't believe that this is real, it's like if you want love, if you want peace, and you want wholeness, which everyone is seeking, it's like all you've got to do is just reach out. Because, again, seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be open. So if people just honestly, like, I don't mean to say it like this way, but I don't know how else to say it, but, like, try it out. Like, literally, if you just ask, Lord, reveal yourself to me. Like, I want to know if you're real or not. He will meet you. I got no doubt about that. Because, again, he sees your heart. And if your heart is honest and saying that I do want to know if you're real, he will meet you because he wants none to perish but also come to repentance. Amen. But I feel like, yeah, the peace thing is the biggest thing because that's what it was for me. I realized I didn't have any peace. And that's all we're searching for. Yeah, that's so interesting. That's one thing I've always realized is the one thing that can't be imitated is the peace. Amen. Just about everything else, you know, Satan can imitate. You know, the love can be fake. You know, the doing good deeds and all that. But the one thing that Satan cannot imitate is the peace. Yeah. And that's what gives us direction and guidance and knowing where to go and what to do and everything. Amen. So, Mark, in closing, would you mind praying for our audience that is listening? And just for those that do need to know the peacemaker, the peace giver, Jesus, that have anything. Thanks so much for listening to the Faith Moving Forward Podcast. Would you mind praying for them? Please consider subscribing to our podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, or whatever platform you currently listen to. Thank you for listening to this, Lord. I thank you that, again, you see each one of them, Lord. I thank you that, again, they are not alone, Lord. But I pray, again, that you open their eyes, Lord, that you convict them to see the things that are in between you and them, Lord. And if they don't know you, if they've never seen you before, if they don't have any understanding of who you are, Lord, I pray that their hearts are prepped and open to receive the reality that they are living in, Lord, and to also see that they can invite you in, Lord, that they can know you, Lord, and all they've got to do is ask, Lord Jesus. I pray that their hearts are, again, prepped and ready to receive the truth, Lord. I pray that, again, you send dreams and visions, Lord. I pray that, again, you just have your spirit pour out on anyone who is hungering and wanting and thirsting for something real, something true, Lord, and something that, again, provides peace that nothing else can provide, Lord. I thank you, Lord Jesus, that you have given us your peace, Lord, that that is a gift that we receive, Lord. I pray, again, for any listener on here, Lord Jesus, that is searching, Lord, that, again, through this and through other things, Lord, that you just send kingdom people to them, Lord, and that you just send them your voice, just drawing them in by your spirit, Lord, drawing them into you, Lord, to, again, come to a place of being not just a servant of you, Lord, but a friend and a child of you, Lord Jesus. I thank you that you are the lover of our souls, Lord, but that, again, with you, Lord, that there is wholeness, that there is joy, and there is peace that goes beyond understanding, Lord. I pray that, again, people have their eyes open to see the truth and that they hunger for, again, only the truth, which is you, Lord Jesus. Thank you, Lord. Amen. Amen. So good. Awesome. Well, this was fun, Mark, hearing all this. This was very interesting. Thanks so much for listening to the Faith Moving Forward podcast. Please consider subscribing to our podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, or whatever platform you're currently listening to. You have a blessed day, and we'll talk to you again. All right. Sounds good. God bless y'all. God bless you, Mark.