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The transcript discusses the speaker's experience with a narcissistic relationship. They share their struggles with fear, lack of confidence, and emotional abuse even after physically leaving the relationship. The speaker highlights the importance of raising awareness about narcissism, the difficulties victims face, and the need for support and understanding. They also mention the challenges of setting boundaries, dealing with legal issues, and documenting abuse. The speaker aims to provide a safe space for sharing stories and discussing topics related to narcissistic relationships, including communication tactics and manipulation techniques used by narcissists. Hi there, and welcome to The Exit Lane. This is something that has been in the works for quite some time. Part of it, taking so long, has been from fear, a lack of confidence in myself, a fog that I feel I've been living in even post-narcissistic relationship abuse, although I am being told with my counselor, pointing out that even though I have exited the relationship physically, I am still being abused mentally and emotionally. So The Exit Lane comes from leaving a relationship that, reflecting back, has had many points of me trying to exit, many points of me bypassing obvious signs, choosing to stay to try and protect my daughter, and staying due to threats of what would happen if I left. So for all of these reasons, I will be choosing to stay a bit anonymous in the beginning until I know that I have more protections. However, I didn't want this fear to prevent me from getting my voice out there, and knowing that there are others that are currently about to enter this transitional period, there are others that are currently exactly where I am, and there may be others, hopefully, that are much further in this process than I am. So I'll never forget the day that the word narcissist was used when I was explaining a current situation I was going through with my ex. And once I heard that word, for me, since I'm not on any social media, it was not simply a hot topic word. It really struck me to my core, especially when I started doing my own research. And this was years ago when I first heard the word. And I remember looking at the word years ago and finding that this is a mental health disease, but that it's hard to get any data, and those that suffer from it rarely get help for it for two reasons. One, because part of the disease is their grandiose belief of who they are and also how they take on other people's version of reality as their own reality. And they are very far removed from the reality of them needing help. Also, because so few of this personality type seek help or recognize or are willing to get help, there wasn't a lot of research on it specific to this disease and personality type. And I just came across another piece of data that said only 0.5 to 1% of the population would actually be diagnosed with narcissism. And I found this interesting because since spending the last few years trying to educate myself, and I do before I go on any further want to say I have not studied in the medical field. I certainly have not studied in the mental health portion of the medical field. However, since childhood, I have been in therapy. When I finally did leave this relationship, I was embarrassed for a very long time because I thought of myself as intelligent, insightful, and a person who possessed really good intuition. And I did not see that version of myself upon exiting the relationship. And it was really hard for me to even have respect for myself because I don't know where or how along the way I lost so much of those qualities. It wasn't until I started making a conscious decision to learn more about this personality type and specifically narcissistic abuse and what the abuse does to its victims that I understood this person didn't just walk into my life aimlessly, nor did I accept them into my life without the foundation already having been laid over the course of my life. So, the point of this podcast is going to be that there is strength in numbers. I do want to use the word narcissist very seriously and not just have it be thrown around. I am hearing a lot of people do these days. I am very aware that people can have narcissistic tendencies and narcissistic traits without actually being someone who would be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. I want to open up and share my story. I think sometimes people don't really believe that I've gone through some of the things that I've gone through, which has just brought me right back to a trigger point of questioning my reality, even though I absolutely know in the moment especially, what I'm living through is very real. I want others who may be feeling isolated or even worse, like they have flying monkeys all around them, which if you are someone that is currently with a narcissist or in the process of leaving a narcissist, I am sure you have heard that term. That was another part of this process that I am still going through that hit really hard. When I left, I thought I had a really solid support system around me. I'll never forget when the Heiress Tour came out on Disney+, and I'm sitting there watching this never-ending concert, which was phenomenal, by the way. Total credit to Taylor Swift. My daughter is a Swifty, and so she was all about it. There certainly were some very impactful moments, but it was quite lengthy to sit through with a young child. But just as we were about to pause it, because she needed a break, and I did too. This is my place to be honest, so I'm going to be honest. Just as we were about to pause it, my tears ricochet came on, and I had to pause my pausing of it. My daughter ran off to go do the next thing that she was doing, and I was completely pulled into the performance. Sorry. The juxtaposition of Taylor Swift in this beautiful, white, flowy, almost angelic gown, marching with this, my interpretation was, army of women in these rigid but sparkly gowns behind her, all in unison, step by step, was just such a metaphor of what I thought I was going through. I truly felt that I had this really strong army of women, not only by my side, but by my daughter's side. Props to Taylor Swift and her poetic nature, not only through her lyrics and songwriting, but visually, I was able to create a master. That visual still will flash in my mind, and I think the reason why I'm getting a little emotional right now is because I don't have that army of women. A few of them became his flying monkeys, a few of them I just don't really know if I can trust or not, and a couple other of them are ones that, kind of like I mentioned a few minutes ago, I don't know that they believe the level of evil that this person can bring into my life so frequently, and or they just, it's just too much for them to even be able to handle. So that brings me back to, you know, what is motivating me to want to get my voice out there, is I want to be that safe space for victims that are either in it and feel like they don't know the way out. I very much remember that feeling. They are excited and eager, but also timid and terrified of what the exit for them is going to look like and what it's going to bring into their life, or those that have walked away and are a year out, like I am, but have very quickly realized in the last few months that this level of abuse is something that a narcissist is not eagerly ready and willing to let go of, and their loss of control sends them into a spiral of seeking more control and going about it in more damaging ways, and as optimistic as I was when I first left, and as strong as it made me feel, the emotional warfare that he is willing to inflict not only on me, but on my daughter is a whole level of disgusting that I don't know I'll ever be able to wrap my brain around, and I am currently in the process of really trying to set strong boundaries that he is not honoring in any way. Not only won't honor, doesn't even want to acknowledge, and the more I try to set and maintain my boundaries, the more he is happy to spin the story to his victimhood and me being the one that is evil, and it's hard for someone who is innately kind and giving and empathetic. So, like I've said, I know I'm only giving snippets, and that's because the idea of the exit lane is to share some of my story more in depth, but also open it up to others that may be listening and just need to get their story out there, to get something off their chest, to have a safe space, to share a story that I think the average person truly doesn't understand and can't comprehend, and that is no dig to a person who has not been through a narcissistic relationship. It's just hard to comprehend the level that these people will go to, just in their seek of control, total control. Some of the other things that, in general, I feel are worthy of discussing are things like how important documentation is. I have not gone the legal route yet solely because the judge that is currently sitting in my district is not necessarily honoring documentation. So, cost of a lawyer comes in, and even then it's not guaranteed. Rulings would be in my favor, and I have thousands of pages of documentation from this past year. Thousands. Emails, text messages, photos, screenshots, voice recordings. I have plenty, but I'm not hearing positive rulings in my district. So, that is not to be said that others are not having success, and just how important it is to document everything. I mean everything, and I mean from before you even take that one footstep out the door, I would start your documentation. I think it's also going to be important in this podcast to talk about how narcissists try to shame you, they try to rope you into conversations that you are going to approach and go into very logically and goal-focused, and they are going to do everything in their power to try to trigger emotional responses because that's where they gain a lot of their control. It's going to be important to talk about why it's so difficult to communicate with a narcissist, why you can't really argue with a narcissist, how narcissists really attempt to devalue you, and why it always feels like a narcissist is mad at you. Also, to be aware of flying monkeys, and the information that narcissists are able to gain and ultimately use against you with people that you thought you could once trust. Also, how narcissists when they communicate, they do kind of what's called like a secular communicating, where they just will talk in circles, whether it's an attempt at control or also just exhausting you so that they ultimately can get the outcome from the conversation they're looking for. For those of you that are adults, I recently have been hearing that you will never be able to successfully co-parent with a narcissist, and a better term is actually parallel parenting because ultimately you are going to have to do what you feel is best to support your child and keep them safe. The person that you are also parenting with is really going to do their own thing and their hissy fits when you don't just blindly follow everything they want to do and throw it in your face that you're the one who is being the challenge to a co-parenting relationship. There are many, many, many just general topics that I think are going to be so important in kind of mentally arming yourself. Again, for me, it's still a struggle day by day. There are days that I really feel emotionally and mentally strong. There are days that he will email me five, six times a day, no joke. For a lot of them, I can kind of laugh at the ridiculousness of what he sounds like. However, once I start to feel worn down because of the sheer volume of the messages and the nasty things he always makes sure to include in the messages, I do get worn down and I don't react emotionally but sometimes it hits me out of nowhere and takes me by surprise. The one thing that has helped me is finding a person or two. It's been a small number that do believe my story and that do see this person for who they are and don't get conned or swayed by this charming act that he's able to put on so easily. Again, that's why I want to get my voice out there for those of you that really do feel like you're in this battle alone right now. I don't want you to feel alone. I want you to find support in people who can absolutely and very much relate to your stories and what you're going through and what you're feeling, experiencing, thinking, all of it. Like I said, not only hear other stories so that it helps you to not feel so alone anymore but also create a space for you to be able to come and share your experiences because talking about it, writing it down, having that person that can relate to it, these are all things that are going to help us become stronger. The education around it is still minimal but there is more coming out from where I started looking into all of this years ago versus most recently a couple nights ago. There is a lot more that is coming out on the research end of it. It still has a way to go but the more we get the word out there too and the more that others can support others in this, the more that I'm hoping this type of personality trait will either be shut down or at least others that are similar to us where we're empathetic, compassionate, caring, kind, loving, trusting. Those aren't the people in the world that we want to take away those gifts from. The world needs more people who are compassionate, kind, loving, understanding, generous. But a narcissist, their whole goal is to take that from those people. So my hope is we will find strength in numbers. We will be there to understand and support and help guide each other and really just start to collectively educate the masses so that hopefully one day the people who are suffering and struggling with narcissistic personality disorder, NPD, will find solace in seeking treatment and getting help so that they aren't in the world creating so much damage and hurt. So there's a lot that I have for goals for this podcast. This is my first time ever doing one so bear with me in the hiccups and the fumbles and mistakes. I don't want to come across as perfect because I have also struggled with that my whole life but specifically within that narcissistic abusive relationship and I'm trying to come out of it feeling more free from making mistakes because I certainly don't want my child to ever feel she has to go out into the world and be perfect because I know when she is in one home, and it's not mine, she has to be perfect, do perfect, look perfect. And I want to break younger generations of having to feel that way too. So come on this ride with me for others as we venture on to what the exit lane is going to bring us. And if you haven't figured it out by now, lane is actually an acronym for leaving a narcissistic ex. So we'll journey together as we get off this exit lane. Thank you.
