Welcome to your healing era.

This is a podcast episode where the host discusses her journey into spirituality and how it has helped her heal from past traumas and struggles with an eating disorder. She talks about feeling lost and not belonging, and how turning to spirituality has allowed her to understand and heal her abandonment issues. The host emphasizes that she will provide tips and guidance on manifesting and tapping into one's most abundant self. She also mentions her blunt and honest approach to discussing topics and shares that her experiences and examples will come from her own lived experiences. What is up you guys, welcome to Star Girl Pod, a podcast where I help you expand your mind, tap into your most magnetic self, and heal your internal world in order to manifest a more abundant reality. Holy fucking shit. Did that not just sound so professional or what? Oh my God, how are we doing today? How are we feeling? I'm really fucking excited to be doing this right now. You guys don't even know. It's been a long time coming. It's been really and truly just something that I've been wanting to do for such a long time, and I was in my own way, if I'm being honest. I was in my fucking way, and I decided that it was time. It was now or never. It was time to start. It was time to do the thing. It was time to go after the dream, the feeling. Whatever it is that the universe is telling me to do, I'm feeling it in my heart, and I'm here. I'm showing up, but damn, does it feel good to be speaking into this microphone right now? Holy shit, I'm not gonna lie to you guys. I've had the microphone sitting there looking at me, staring at me for about two weeks now, and I just could not really just get myself to do it, not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't figure out what I wanted my first episode to be about or how I wanted to introduce the podcast, and if I'm being honest, I still don't really know. I don't really know, but I said, universe, whatever you want me to say today, whatever message it is that you wanna fucking help me put out there today, I'll let you take control. I'll just sit here, I'll turn on the microphone, and I'll let you speak through me. That's it, that's all. So here I am, microphone on, and we're ready to go for this episode. I really honestly wanted to introduce myself, of course, but I didn't want to go super into detail about my childhood and how old I am and all that basic shit, because it's just like, we'll have time, trust me. We'll have time to get to know each other, but I really wanted to give you guys an idea of what the podcast was really gonna be about, and by what I just said earlier, talking about the universe and all that, you could probably tell that I'm a very spiritual type of person, and so, yeah, you're correct. Very much spiritual. I am 24 years old. I live in Northern California. I consider myself a very spiritual person, and it was not always like that. I was raised Catholic, but as you get older, you kind of realize that some of the things that you were raised in or whatever your parents believed in, it doesn't always resonate with you when you grow up, just because, for example, my parents were not born in the United States, so their upbringing was super different than mine. Their environment was super different than mine. Their way of living, their childhood was super different than mine, and so just naturally, all of the things that I went through, all of the things that I've seen just kind of was like, okay, yeah, Catholicism isn't really something that I really wanna go by, and I also don't wanna hate myself because I don't follow the things that I'm supposed to do as a quote-unquote Catholic, so I decided that I wasn't gonna follow that, but I still obviously believe in something, and I really leaned into spirituality and just the idea of something greater than me, something that is helping me through everything, and that thing, that person, I don't know what it is. I like to call it the universe, is what is guiding me through all of this, through my existence, through my time here on Earth, and guiding me to where it is that I need to be, and if I'm being honest, I don't know where I need to be still. I don't know exactly I'm going, but I do know that I'm going forward. Every single day I get up and I do my best to be better than what I was yesterday, and to me, that's a win, so yes, this podcast is gonna be all about spirituality, manifesting, tapping into your most magnetic, most abundant self. I'm gonna give you guys tips, tricks, all of the fucking things, and I'm gonna give it to you guys real and how it is, because that's how I am. I say shit how it is. I don't like to sugarcoat things. I don't consider myself a blunt person. I think with my friends, well, okay, if they're more surface-level friends or things like that, of course I'm gonna be a bit nicer with my delivery, but if you're really close to me, I'm gonna tell you things how they are, because it's just like when you're from, when you're seeing things from an outer perspective, it's just so much easier for you to like see things how they are, and me, I consider myself a very intuitive person. I can read, I can read through people so quickly. I can tell what a person's about without even having to really have known them for very long. I can just catch a fucking vibe, and I'm like, yeah, this person is not it, or this person is it, you know? I love your energy, and so I say all of this to say that I like to say things as they are, and so that's how I'm gonna come up here, and that's how I'm gonna show up here, and all of the things that I say, all of the examples that I give, all of the things that I talk about, all of the topics that I will talk about, all of them will, for the most part, be coming from a place of action, of actual lived experience. I'm not gonna come here and talk about things that I don't know what I'm talking about, that I haven't gone through myself, you know? And I will say that I've gone through a lot of things in my life. I feel like I've lived 100 fucking lives at this point. It's kind of crazy, and I think that especially when it comes to talking about my spirituality, it's important to talk about how I got to be so spiritual and what really led me to my spirituality. Like I said, I wasn't always spiritual. I didn't always have my own set of ideas, but yeah, that really, spirituality and everything really came from me just living a life of just always feeling lost, always feeling like I didn't belong anywhere, always feeling like I just was the odd one out, and even with my family, even when I went to church, even in Catholicism, I didn't feel like I belonged there. I was like, this doesn't really resonate with me, and I really don't like what you guys are talking about. I don't think that that's how it is. I don't think that that's how I have to live, and so when I turned into my spirituality, which I've been on this spiritual journey for about, I wanna say a little bit over two years now, it really all stemmed from years and years of feeling like utter shit, feeling like shit, not knowing why, coming from a really, really long history of an eating disorder, having many relapses, and it wasn't until I turned into spirituality that I really got to the fucking core of what it really was that led me to have such a raging eating disorder, what it was that really led me to hating myself to the point of literally killing myself slowly every single day, and abandoning myself every single day, and not listening to what I wanted, what I needed, and not taking care of myself, and when I went into spirituality and I turned into spirituality, I turned to it because I was really tired of going into seasons or cycles in my life of just ups and downs of recovery and then relapsing again, and then recovering again and getting to a good place, a high, and then attracting people or experiences or whatever that were negative that would bring me down again, and I got tired of letting external things, people, places, whatever bring me down to a place of taking it all out on myself and my body and then hating myself for it, and so when I turned to spirituality, I turned into really going deep into what it was that I was lacking, what it was that I was trying to run away from, what it was that I was trying to cope with or make myself feel safe, like why it was that I was using this eating disorder to make myself feel safe, and I realized that a lot of it came from, yes, childhood wounds, yes, childhood traumas, abuse, and all of the things that I went through, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, all of those things, not having a dad at home and being raised by a single mother that was also very much absent in my life and just constantly feeling alone and like I was abandoned by everyone in my life, and without even knowing it, I just learned, I guess, I internalized that, and essentially, I abandoned myself. I abandoned myself because I just wanted to forget and not try to go against that feeling anymore. It would hurt so much to go against it that I just leaned into that feeling, leaned into just abandoning me. If everyone else had already abandoned me, let me just abandon myself as well because I don't even deserve to take care of myself. Everyone else has, in a way, failed me, hasn't really cared about me, hasn't really loved me and showed up for myself, like why should I? And so I turned into, yes, abandoning myself in the way of when people would tell me that I looked a certain way or they would bully me or anything, and they would bully me because of how I looked. I learned that, oh, okay, like if in order for them to stop bullying me, I need to change how I look, and only then will they stop and they would accept me. And what was I doing when I was changing myself in order to please others? I was abandoning myself. And so it was all of that, and then realizing that, oh my God, like I learned this abandonment because of my parents, and I have huge mommy issues and daddy issues and all of these issues that I didn't even know that I repressed for so many years. I didn't even wanna come to terms with the fact that, oh yeah, no, you are actually very much struggling with daddy issues, girly, and mommy issues also. Like you are doing all of this because you just lacked so much love and care and all of that. And so spirituality has really allowed me to go deep into that, heal all of those things, heal and forgive, forgive my parents, forgive everyone who has ever done wrong to me. Growing up, family members, people at school that would bully me, anything that caused me some sort of pain or some sort of trauma, I learned that in order for me to really heal, heal all of those things and change my reality, I had to let go of that. I had to start by forgiving that and forgiving myself for not standing up to them, forgiving myself for, instead of loving my body, instead of loving myself, instead of hurting myself, hurting myself in order to please other people, forgive myself for doing that, forgive them for saying that because at the end of the day, hurt people hurt people. And as cliche as that sounds, it is so incredibly true. And in my spirituality journey through all of that, I have learned that over and over and over again. And I don't wanna be someone who hurts someone. I don't want to be in a place of constantly struggling with myself and how I feel and my self-esteem and hating my body and then bringing, let's say like a child into the world. And because I feel so bad with myself, I pass that on to someone, to my kid or something. Like that is why it is so important to first heal yourself in order to have a better future. And with spirituality and all of that, I learned that yes, hurt people hurt people. And each of us are only doing as good as we can, as good as we know. We can only do as good as we were taught or we have learned or whatever experience that we've had. And all of us have had different types of experiences in our life. All of us have had different journeys in our life, experiences, traumas, all of that. And yes, of course, some people have a fucking trauma-free life and childhood and that's lucky for them, but not everyone is like that. And I will say that the majority isn't like that. The majority of us have to go through something sooner or later. Maybe they didn't go through childhood trauma, maybe they never perceived any sort of fucking abuse, but then when they're an adult or older, they're hit with real life and they're like, oh damn, like I have never had to go through anything hard and then they crumble, right? And so I think that going through hard things early in life really prepares you for life in general. And life is beautiful, but also life can be hard. But I think that that's also part of the beauty of life, duality, being able to experience the lows in order to really, truly be grateful for the highs. And yeah, so at this point in my life, I definitely feel like I'm at a place where I can look back and be like, holy shit, yeah, I went through a lot of lows, but right now this is a high, this is a high. And I'm so grateful that I went through all of the shitty things that I've went through. And I'm also grateful that I went through those because if I wouldn't have gone through that, then I wouldn't have learned about spirituality and I wouldn't have learned about how to be nicer to myself and how to really heal myself and heal my relationships with my parents. And once I started to heal those relationships with my parents, I started to heal so much of my own world. But again, it all goes back to me. It all went back with me starting and me healing that. And it wasn't until I started to heal those external relationships, sorry, those internal relationships that I had, I had to start from childhood. I had to forgive those wounds and all of those traumatizing experiences that I had. I had to go back into the depth of my core memory and resurface all of those things and then forgive and let go of all of that in order to be able to have a better relationship with them. And then my reality started to change. My life started to transform. It started to transform because I started to shed all of those negative feelings, all of those negative memories, all of those negative everything. I let it all go and I made space. I made space for abundance. I made space for health. I made space for a new reality. I made space for the person that I want to become, the person that I am meant to become because we're all here to have a beautiful life. And yes, we're gonna go through hard things, but that's not the whole purpose of life. And I know that when you're going through the fucking depths of the negativity and the hard times, even me, when I was going through the worst of my eating disorder, there was times and points during the times that I was really battling with it that I felt like that was gonna be forever. I felt that that was just gonna be it. I felt that, damn, well, this is just my life story. But then when I got out of that and I started to really tap into myself and reconnect with myself, I realized that no, I can change this. I have the power to change this. I have the power to do it. I literally am the co-creator of my whole entire existence, my whole entire life. And yes, I have the power to change everything. I really and truly do, and so do you, so do you. And that's where manifesting comes in, of course. But again, manifesting doesn't really come unless you're doing and taking inspired action and healing yourself and healing your internal in order to be able to manifest those things. You have to make space. And the only way to make space is by letting go, by letting go, by healing, by letting go of wounds, traumas, pains, anger, resentment, all of those things that don't serve you, you have to let them go. And so that's exactly what we're gonna be talking about on this podcast. We're gonna be talking about how to go into that, how to let go of that, how to manifest whenever you're ready, how to truly get clear with those things that you wanna manifest. And it's not just, oh, I'm gonna ask the universe. I've already done, like, it's not just about, okay, I'm going to, let's say, therapy, and now I've talked about it, and now I can just start asking the universe for all those things that I want, and they're just gonna all appear just because they're just gonna appear because that's just how it works. Like, no, you definitely have to take inspired action. You definitely have to show the universe that you're ready. You're truly fucking ready. And I will say that the universe is always, always, always paying attention to you, so you're not gonna have to really do the most. You're not gonna have to do too much. You really aren't. Every single time that I've manifested something that I wanted and I've taken inspired action, I will say that the inspired action was kind of doing the bare minimum. Don't tell the universe, like, don't tell the universe, but it was really, really fucking easy. Being on that same frequency, really embodying that life that you want as if you have it already right now, feeling it, and then taking a little bit of action towards it, and then just, boom, watch things fall into place. Watch things fall into place. Watch the universe give you all of the things that you want, the health that you want, the life that you want, the relationship that you want, the friendships that you want, the job that you want, everything that you want. I was able to heal myself. I was able to heal my relationship with my parents. I was able to heal my relationship with myself. I was able to come back to myself. I was able to stop running away from myself. I ran away from myself for so many years, so many years. I'm 24. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 13 years old. I relapsed four times. It wasn't until two years ago that I decided that I was done. I was done. I was done losing things. I was done hating myself. I was done giving away my power all the time to fucking things that weren't even happening anymore. The people that said shit about me weren't even in my life anymore. The versions of my parents who abandoned me without even knowing it when I was little, those versions of them don't even exist anymore. Why am I still giving into that? Why am I still giving into, like literally why am I still giving into those feelings? They don't exist anymore. None of that shit, none of those things can exist. All of those wounds, the traumas, the things that people said, the words, those things don't exist unless you give them the power to exist. And it wasn't until I realized that that I was able to heal that and let it go, let it go and move away from it and reconnect and come back to myself, come back to myself because I didn't even know who I was. I didn't even know who I was. I really and truly had a lot of times in my life I felt very disconnected where I would be sitting and it was like I was sitting there and I was like thinking and it was like I could see myself as if I was standing outside of myself. And I would ask myself like, who am I? I felt empty in a weird way. It was like a spirit. It was like when you watch a movie and someone dies and it was kind of like I was dead and my spirit would like lift out of my body and that spirit was standing right in front of me and I was looking at myself, standing there, looking at myself. That's how it felt. It's many instances like those and it was so weird and I just felt like a stranger to myself. I didn't know who I was because for my whole entire life I had been used to either being abandoned by other people and bullied and always feeling just like out of control that the only way to feel some sense of maybe control and some sense of maybe like people would stop fucking abandoning me and hating me and bullying me was if I did what they wanted, if I fed into whatever they said that was ugly about me and like changed that, that like I was living for other people. I was living for other people's acceptance, validation, whatever it was and they never did give it to me. They never did. They never once fucking did. And at the end of that, the only person that was hating themselves, the only person that lost control of whatever it was that I was doing was me. Me. Me because it started as just wanting people to quote unquote accept me and it ended up with me actually just obsessing and spiraling and absolutely just hating myself to a point where I just could not get myself to stop hurting myself, could not get myself to stop abandoning myself, hating myself. But then I decided, I decided two years ago that I was done raw dogging life really and truly. I was like, what am I doing? Like, what am I doing? There's something, I need something. There's something out there that needs to help me and I don't know if it's Jesus. I don't know if it's going to church. I don't know if it's being a Catholic. I don't think it's being a Catholic. I've already tried that. I've already lived my whole entire life being a Catholic and I don't really, I don't think that's helping. And really and truly I think religion and spirituality and whatever it is that you believe in only works if you really truly believe in it. So I don't even, so I think that really and truly the thing that has helped me is just believing that there is something out there, believing that the universe is out there and it's having and has my back. And so when I turned into, when I turned to the universe, when I turned into tapping and turned it back into myself and then I leaned into God and universe and I said it there again because I often go between them two, sometimes when I'm talking to myself or affirming or having conversations with God or the universe, I said it there again. I say God and universe. I don't even know who is who, what is what, if they're one person, I don't know. I don't know but I know that there's something greater out there and I know that there's something out there that has my back and if I'm here right now, and if I go through all of the things that I went through, it was for a reason and so that's also why I'm here. That's also why I'm doing this because I feel like I didn't go through all of that just to go through all of that. I didn't just, I don't think that God or the universe put me through all of that just for funsies, right? I also refuse to believe that because it's like, why would I go through all of that just to be nothing, just to have negative experiences? I don't, I choose not to subscribe to that. I choose to use this to my advantage, use it to be maybe an example to someone out there that maybe has gone through the same thing, maybe is going through something different, something that's even worse and doesn't know where to start, where to look or how to get out of it, wants to learn how to manifest, wants to tap into spirituality. Maybe they've been raised a certain way in a certain religion and they no longer can resonate with that and they feel lost. Maybe they just need some guidance. Maybe all of my experience led me to this, led you to me. I don't even wanna say maybe, I actually know that that's what it is. I know that it's God, universe, put this idea in me, put this microphone in me, put this moment in me, put me here right now. The words that are flowing out of my mouth right now, it was for a reason. It is for a reason. Know that if you're listening to this right now, it is for a reason. So if you liked any of what you just heard right now, if you resonated with anything or you're just simply a little bit interested, you're like, okay, maybe this bitch got something to say. Then follow along, tap into the pod week by week as we talk about manifesting spirituality, girl talks, experiences. It's not always gonna be the woo-woo shit, okay? It's not always gonna be sob stories either. Like I'm human, I definitely have my ups and downs. I definitely have times where I feel great and times where I'm like, you know what? I need a break and that's fine. And that's, we're gonna have a place here where we can feel safe to feel that, to feel that. And then once we're done feeling that, we're gonna get back up, we're gonna heal and we're gonna manifest what we want and we're gonna take inspired action and all that good stuff. And if you made it this far, welcome to the club. I know that I am rooting for you. Know that if you're here and you found me, it is really truly for a reason. So I hope that you do stay. But yeah, I'm sending you a hug. I'm sending you lots of light and we'll see each other next week. Bye.