4. ACT APPLY & QUESTION

The text emphasizes that behavior change starts with understanding and accepting oneself. It challenges the typical approach of trying to eliminate negative behaviors and instead suggests focusing on who one wants to be during difficult times. Taking action, even imperfectly, leads to confidence and change. Every behavior shapes one's identity and future. The key is to be curious, pause, and reflect on the reasons behind behaviors to initiate change effectively. So, how do we actually change? If understanding behavior is the first step, how do we change? Because if you're anything like me, you're probably not looking for another podcast that's going to tell you to wake up at 5am, meditate for one hour, drink a green smoothie, journal, cold plunge, and somehow have your entire life figured out by Tuesday. Life doesn't work like that. And honestly, behavior doesn't either. One of the reasons I love acceptance and commitment therapy is because it asks a different question than most of us are used to. Most of us ask, how do I stop feeling this? How do I stop procrastinating? How do I stop being so anxious? How do I stop yelling? That gently shifts the question. Instead of asking, what do I need to get rid of? It asks, who do I want to be while this is happening? That question changed my life because the goal isn't to become someone who never struggles. The goal is to become someone who keeps moving towards what matters, even when it's hard. Because here's something I've learned. Confidence doesn't come first. Motivation doesn't come first. Action comes first. And then confidence catches up. Think about learning to drive. Were you confident the first time you got behind the wheel? Absolutely not. You're probably gripping the steering wheel so hard, your hands hurt. But every time you practice, your brain learned. Behavior changed. Confidence followed. The same thing happens with habits. The same thing happens with parenting. The same thing happens in relationships. We spend so much of our lives waiting until we feel ready. When behavior science tells us something completely different, behavior changes behavior. Not thinking about it, actually doing it, even imperfectly. One of my favorite reminders is this. Every behavior is a vote. Not for who you are today, but for who you are becoming. Every conversation, every workout, every apology, every boundary, every time you put your phone down to be present, and every time you take a deep breath instead of reacting, those moments matter. Not because they're perfect, because they accumulate. Tiny moments become patterns. Patterns become habits. Habits become identity. And identity shapes the life we want to create. So for this week, I don't want you to overhaul your life. I don't want you to make 10 new goals. I don't even want you to promise yourself you'll never lose your patience again. Instead, I want you to notice. Notice one behavior. Maybe it's yours. Maybe it's your child's. Maybe it's your partner's. And before you try to fix it, pause. Get curious. Ask yourself, what makes this behavior make sense? Not what's wrong with me? Not why am I like this? Not why won't they just listen? Just what makes sense here? Because curiosity creates awareness. Awareness creates choices. And choices is where change begins.