Pod 2

The speaker discusses the importance of trusting one's intuition and gut feelings, particularly in relationships. They share their personal experience of ignoring red flags and being proven right in the end. They emphasize the need to pay attention to actions and facts rather than solely relying on feelings. The speaker also mentions the difficulty of seeing the truth while in a relationship and the role of denial. They highlight the importance of communication and the need for both parties to be receptive to change. Hi, welcome back to Real Talk with me. So today's episode will consist of trusting your gut, like your intuition, but also a little bit of breakup advice. So let's cut to the chase, let's be real. Month ago, started my breakup. Definitely not fun, but it's also such a learning experience, so I feel like I have been grateful for the entire journey of healing. I know it sounds like so cheesy, and that's like something you see on TikTok, like, oh my God, like my healing journey, like I'm by myself doing my own thing, like, no, but I mean, like actually being by yourself and learning things you never would have learned if you stayed in the relationship you were not meant to be in. So let's dive into trusting your gut first. I just want to say, a woman's intuition, well, I guess men too, but is a real damn thing. If you feel, if you ever feel unsettled, uneasy, uncomfortable about something and you feel it in your gut, please, please trust it. I can say from two big changes in my life, one much bigger than the other, but in both my situations, completely, like, my gut had it all from the beginning. Definitely trust your intuition. Trusting your gut is such a real thing. And I'm not saying to base every piece of a decision or whatever you're doing in life, don't base everything off of your intuition, but if you feel something, trust it, listen to it a little bit, don't let that shit subside, because I can tell you from my experience, I was right both times, completely, completely. So when people say trust your gut, I feel like it won't make sense to you until you literally feel it. If you've ever been through something like that, I hope if you're listening, you don't have to go through that, but if you do, you won't understand what I'm saying unless you're experiencing it. And that could be with anything, any situation thrown at you. So like I said, I've had this happen multiple times, and every single time I've been correct. So just know that that doesn't stem from nowhere. It's coming from somewhere. So I feel like, this even just goes for like minor things, like there's days where I'm like, nah, I don't want to go out, like I just feel like I shouldn't go out, and you know what, maybe I'm right, maybe something would have happened, you never know, trust your gut. But it's happened with major things in my life as well, breakup included. I was constantly worried about something, and I was completely right. So kind of just stick to that if you ever feel that, which hopefully you don't, but I definitely think through any situation, obviously weigh your options. Don't base everything fully off your intuition, but I do think that that's such a real thing. So I also like did some research on it a little bit. It's literally like your brain, like there's neurotransmitters in your gut that can respond to environmental like stimuli and emotions. So like when those neurotransmitters fire, you feel something like kind of like the butterflies or the uneasiness in your chest, in your stomach, wherever you feel it, and it's literally sending signals to your brain. Like it is a real thing, so my sources say, but it is real, real talk. I think men are obviously intuitive too, but I feel like sometimes, I don't know if it's just our generation, maybe it's just men in general, and I'm not shitting on men at all. I'm not here to have a podcast that's like, I hate all men, that's not what I'm doing. But I do think whatever the reason is, like they're not always in touch with their feelings the way girls are. Like we're very different. I don't know, I don't know. Maybe it's just rare for them to feel all the emotions that we do, but it's very different. Maybe it's a maturity thing, maybe it's something with age, they just haven't grown, maybe they haven't had experiences. I don't know what it is, truthfully, but I mean everyone is different, so I don't know. But literally just trust yourself, be honest with yourself, even if it sucks. Like I know for me, like I had so many red flags pass me by, and I think because maybe you're just afraid of losing that person, or honestly, in denial is a real thing. Like they would never do that to me, or they tell me they would never do that, but you know what? Like the truth sucks. And I feel like for me, in my situations, like I never wanted to convince myself that it was true, because I was like, what if it isn't? And I always had that like, what if? Like what if this is different? Like what if I'm just overthinking, overthinking, overthinking? And it was to the point where I really did think it was all my fault. I was overthinking to the point where I like thought my anxiousness was from me, and I would apologize for it all the time. Like, and the other person on the other end would like, forgive me, like, what are you forgiving me for? Like, you're the like, majority of the reason that I don't feel comfortable. And you should seriously be with someone, like you will know when someone is so sure of you. They won't want you to feel anxious. I know from like, just how I am as a person, if I, even if it's just a friendship, I forget relationships for a second, like, if I am loyal to someone, like I'm 100% down for that person. If they are anxious, I am anxious. If someone's mad at me, like, I don't just communicate with my friends and fix the problem because I don't want anyone mad at me. No, because I genuinely care, and I don't want someone to feel like that, especially because of me. So, especially in relationships, and with family members as well, like, you shouldn't, like if your significant other feels uneasy about something, like that shouldn't just be like, something that's dismissed, or something that you say things and you just brush it over and then actions are never taken. And I know we've all learned this since what, second grade, that actions speak louder than words. And that's the thing, like, when you're in a relationship, you don't always pay attention to it, and the actions that are taken and the things that are said, but when you're out of it, when you're genuinely on the outside, on the outside of it, you notice everything. Like, I can name about ten things that should not have happened if someone was actually in love with you, well, in love with me. So, like, unfortunately, the truth sucks, but, and it's harder to see the truth for what it really is when you're in a relationship, again, I think that really comes from in denial because you always believe that, no, no, no, this person would never do that to me, right? But the truth is, people do things, like, people are who they are, and you can't change that at the end of the day. So I think it's also important, well, just going off of that, like, pay attention to the facts, which, again, is so hard because, especially coming from me, I wear my emotions on my sleeve, like, I care so deeply that I have so many emotions towards, you know, the things and the people that I love, but the facts are important, and to rationalize your thoughts, because you can't always listen to your feelings, because, unfortunately, you might feel a certain way, but look at what's right in front of you, kind of thing. And I know for my situation, I've had a few people in my life that are very, very close to me, they don't want to tell you, you know, this is definitely what's happening, but when they've been around the block a few times, they can see it, and they're on the outside, so they can see it more clearly than you can when you're in it. So I've had people tell me, like, you know what, read in between the lines, like, figure it out, and you know what, sometimes it takes a few times to get kicked on your ass to actually realize what's really happening, what's really going on. I feel like that's a little analogy here, like, when you have kids, and you're a parent, you can't hide your kids from playing outside because you're afraid they're going to fall. You know, sometimes they have to fall down and scrape their knee to be like, okay, I shouldn't do that, or, okay, let me be a little more careful next time, like, they've got to get a little banged up to realize, like, this is what this is, this is the reality. I know that sounds dramatic, but like, you know, the first time you try riding a bike, yeah, you're going to fall down a few times before you get it right. So I feel like that happens in real life, too, with actual situations. You know, you've got to get knocked on your ass until it actually hits you in the face, and you're like, all right, I'm ready to let go of that now. And I think that happened to me, and I think it was long overdue, but, you know, you've got to be done when you're ready to be done. It's not easy to just pick up and leave, and that's, even if you think about actual, like, abusive relationships, too, like, and that's why it's such a toxic cycle, because, that's a whole other thing, but, you know, but I think it's always important to communicate about things. I feel like that's all I've ever done. I feel like I'm a very good communicator, not to toot my own horn there, but as a communications major, as someone that is very in touch with their feelings and knows what they want in life and what they want out of relationships and friendships that they make, always communicate, and pay attention to the reaction of the person you're communicating to, because you can communicate all you want, but if on the other end, they're not receptive of it, you can consider, like, that done. Like, there's going to be no change, which is, again, what happened to me, but also it's the fact of, like, people will change if they want to, like, I don't know. I feel like people, some people don't change, but at the same time, like, I know for me, if it was me in a situation where, like, I'm repeatedly, like, doing something that's upsetting someone I genuinely love or someone I'm genuinely close with, like, I'm going to make changes in my behavior and my actions and show to that person, like, this is who I am, this is who I'm trying to be, because I care about you, right? Let's see, what else? Another thing is don't be impulsive, though, because let's say you're going through, let's say you're in a relationship, like, I feel like for me, that's, I never wanted to be impulsive and just, like, pull the trigger, like, okay, I'm out, so it took a lot more times and a lot more pain to go through certain things, but at the same time, you don't want to be impulsive and pull the trigger when, because, you know, maybe you want to give the person the benefit of the doubt, you just don't want to do that too many times, so again, looking at the facts, not the feelings, but think about whatever decision you're faced with, stay true to yourself. If something makes you uneasy, unsettled, uncomfortable, this is the moral of the story here, don't belittle those feelings, you're entitled to your feelings, no one needs to validate them except for you. Everyone's different, we have different emotional levels, maturity levels, and that's okay, but if something's affecting you, listen to yourself, you're not being dramatic, you're not overthinking, be truthful to yourself, because that's what you owe to yourself at the end of the day, you have you, and you're the only one that's going to 100% always be there for yourself, because you're in control of your life, right, so you have the power and the control over you, your life, your actions, everything like that. So I mean, moving forward, at least for my situation, like, based on my past experiences and relationships, I now know to trust those gut instincts from the beginning, you know the red flags to look for, it sucks that you have to go through that much to realize what they are, but now you know, but yeah, we're going to cut this part out, but yeah, and then I also just want to touch on just a few breakup quotes and small snippets that I've seen on TikTok and Instagram, and I think they're really helpful, and sometimes you just have to keep reading things like this over to fully make it stick in your head. So one of them is, don't allow the grief that comes with letting something go convince you that you need it back. I think that's a phase of grief where you're like, oh, what if, what if, what if, which phases of grief will be another episode, but don't let that vulnerable state drag you back to what you were just a part of, because clearly the world's taking you out of that situation for a reason, it's not meant for you. You know, everything serves a purpose in your life, it served it, it's done, maybe for some people it will come back, but in most cases, like, when you're grieving, let yourself grieve, feel your feelings, but don't revert back to what was, because it's going to always be the same patterns. Like, don't convince yourself that you did something wrong, or you need that back to feel okay. That's not true. You just need to get used to having that out of your life. The next thing is people are who they are, not who we want them to be. Again, for me, I think I constantly was like, this is not who they are, like, they'll change, like, they never meant this, they never did that, like, they shouldn't have, they know they shouldn't have did that, they already felt guilty about that, like, no, this is what they did, they showed you that, they showed you who they are through every action. There's that other TikTok, I don't know if you know the audio, but it's like, don't let a man have to tell you twice that he doesn't want you. Like, I know a lot of people will be like, men are dumb, men are stupid, no, they know exactly what they're doing. My one friend told me the other day, they're dumb as a fox, right? Like, they're not stupid, like, they're stupid in a way, but like, everyone's stupid in their own ways, but you know what you're doing, like, let's be real. Next, take reality over potential. Again, this relates to me so much too, it's like, look at the facts, stop thinking of what could be, this is not what could be, because if it was what could be, it would be, and that's bottom line. You don't need to ask for things, you don't need to beg for things, if it was supposed to be what you want it to be, it would be, that was so wordy, but like, look at reality, not the potential, if the potential was there, it would come naturally, right? You wouldn't have to ask for that. Next, don't go back to less because you're too impatient to wait for better. I think so many couples do this, and it honestly bothers me in this society, because that's honestly one of my greatest fears in relationships, is being comfortable, because I've also dealt with that in one of my relationships as well, like, of course people should be comfortable with you, and whoever you marry or whatever, you become comfortable around that person, that's just the truth, you're around them a lot, you have a history, this and that, you become comfortable around them, but if you're becoming, like, if they're becoming too dependent on you because of that, like, comfortable feeling, and that, it's just like the attachment, like, is that really love? Is that really a relationship you want? No, like, I want someone that gets, like, excited for me, and celebrates my love, and celebrates my successes, not, like, no, so don't go back to less because you're too impatient to wait for better, and I feel like that's another thing that comes with breakups, we doubt that, you know, we're never going to find that again, oh, I'm never going to trust anyone again, like, first of all, everyone's different, and I know, I know that finding someone that does check off all the boxes is rare, and someone that, like, someone that checks off all the boxes and remains loyal to you, and doesn't become comfortable, even if you're married for 10 years, doesn't become comfortable, just genuinely loves you and is your best friend and your partner for life, like, I know that that's rare, but don't doubt that you are not going to find that, and don't settle for less because you think you might not find better, but what I was going to say before I went on this tangent is I think a lot of couples, they'll either just stay together, just stick it out, because why not? They think they're not going to find anyone better, they're comfortable with this person, it's just easier, right? It's just easier to stay with someone that's so comfortable with you, because you have these memories tied to you where, oh, Christmas is coming up, like, no, it doesn't matter what traditions you had with someone, this and that, like, you will get that with someone else, or you will learn to do that on your own, but I think that a lot of couples nowadays do that, and it's honestly sad, because you're missing out on so much by doing that, by not being truthful to yourself, and I think a lot of couples also, like, they'll take a break, they'll get back together, but the couples that break up and run back to their ex because they can't be alone, they're not really facing the truth that they can't be alone, they're, I don't know, I personally think a lot of times people try to run back to their ex because they can't be alone, or they just go to the next person that's the easiest target, and I really do think that's true, I think it's very rare for people to fully be on their own after they go through a breakup, and I can tell you right now, it is so nice to do that for yourself, it might get lonely sometimes, I'm not saying it's not going to, but to run to the next easiest person every time, it's not going to help you in the long run, because then you're stuck in a cycle of where you never can be alone, and I can say that from experience as well, totally, 100%, and it's nice to finally learn how to really put all that energy and devote all that energy into myself, because I feel like I've never had the chance to do that recently, and, like, within the last few years I haven't been able to do that, because I've been with someone, but it's important to learn that in life, how to be on your own, which again will be another episode one day, but yeah, just the whole fact of going back to either someone less, something less, or just something that you have an attachment with because of your history and because it's comfortable, be careful with that, because it honestly could bite you in the ass in the end, and I don't know. The last thing, I constantly told myself this, and even if you have to repeat this to yourself several times in the mirror, whatever you got to do, I don't want what doesn't want me. Why on earth would we want to do something or be with someone or be friends with someone that doesn't want us? Honestly, in reality, let's say I don't like someone, chances are, honestly, most of the time I feel like it could be mutual, like, I don't know, I feel like if I don't like someone they probably don't like me either, like maybe our personalities just clash, like I don't know, but when it comes to relationships, like I said before, don't let someone have to tell you twice that they don't want you. First of all, not that it's embarrassing, but like, don't run back to that. They don't want you, and they've made it so clear, if they wanted you, you would know. You would have to question it. For me, I feel like I questioned it for a while, but you would know. But I guess what I will leave you with is to just stay true to yourself and know that no matter the difficulty of a situation you're in, whatever you're listening to this and thinking and relating what I'm saying to, and whatever comes to your head first, maybe that's what's on your mind right now, and you can relate this information to that, like, just trust yourself, because at the end of the day, you have you, and that's the most important person, the person that has to be put first, stay true to yourself, and know that whatever you're going through, you will grow through it. You will grow through what you go through, and that is so true. No matter what that means for you, you'll figure out the why eventually, and while you're figuring out the why, you're also figuring out how to overcome what you're going through, and one day, it will make sense, whatever that means to you.