marriage masala chai - Jothi

In this podcast episode, life coach Joseph interviews Jyoti, who recently got married through an arranged marriage. They discuss Jyoti's experience and feelings about marriage. Jyoti shares that she had mixed emotions and wasn't sure about her husband at first. They talk about the role of God in finding the right person and the importance of family support. Jyoti also mentions the challenges of adjusting to married life and the need for privacy. She advises saving money before marriage and having a family prayer routine. Overall, they emphasize the beauty and joy of marriage. Welcome back to Marriage Masala Chai. This is your life coach Joseph here and we've got Jyoti in our podcast. This is the first series. Thank you Jyoti for coming over for this podcast. Hey coach. Thank you for having me here. I'm so delighted to converse with you. Same here. So Jyoti, tell me about, you recently got married, am I right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think just seven months I'm new to this journey of marriage. Okay. So how do you feel the whole marriage? You feel thrilled about, you're excited or how do you feel? It's kind of a mixed feeling, you know. You have everything in it. Can you imagine marriage has got everything in it. Okay, good, good. So tell me about yourself, where are you from and which place you were born and stuff like that? Yeah, I was, my parents, they basically belong to South India, that is Tamil Nadu, but they work as missionaries in Jharkhand and I was born and brought up there. Then I came to do my degree to Bangalore and then I got connected over here and then finally I'm just working in a school as a basketball coach now. I understand so much of detail that you told me like from Tamil Nadu and you came to Bangalore and then how did you find your wife and where is she from? To be very frank, even that's a suspense for me, how I found my wife, it's kind of a mystery for me. So, actually we were hunting a lot and then finally through my parents side, they had assigned some broker I guess and he went and he met some pastors over there and he got the link of my wife and they exchanged some photos or photographs with my parents and then they told me, okay, we have to go and see it and that's how. Wow, so basically it was more like an arranged marriage? Yes. Wow, and how was your feeling of getting married to someone you don't know and tell me what was happening inside your heart? Trust me, to be very frank, I just was thinking, I wish if it's the right person, let it happen, at the end also if it stops, I'll be happy. Can you imagine? I mean, I think that's the key right for most marriages, finding the right person. Yeah. You know, many years ago I was in Brazil and I met this guitarist and they were talking and stuff like that on the beach and he said, you know what, I wish if I could find my partner, just an example, he said, imagine, his name is Obi, okay, he said, imagine the girl that I like and this is what God has planned for my life and she has got on her forehead Obi's name and he has got the girl's name on his forehead and when we walk around, I could easily find. So, all of us, I think in this world, we always look for right people, right? Yeah, yeah, it's kind that we want to hunt it in an easy way. Yeah, I think Bible rightly tells that on Proverbs 31 that you have to find a wife, you know, really challenging phase, same manner even husbands have to be picked up, chosen, selected. I also, sometimes you feel, you know, that maybe I forgot or somewhere I lost to find my wife, then I feel that maybe my parents helped me to find my wife, you know, and at the end God himself has to come and say, man, this is your wife, you take it. Because the way my marriage happened, the way four receptions, I never thought it was a miracle for me. Yeah, I know, I mean, your receptions are crazy, man. I mean, four receptions, one in Bangalore, one in Tamil Nadu, right? Yeah. And one in… Two in Tamil Nadu, one in Bangalore, one in Jharkhand. Two in Tamil Nadu, one in Jharkhand, wow. And rightly you pointed out, see, God has designed many people to find the right person. Sometimes God uses our parents, most of the time we would say that. Sometimes we find some people like that and God uses people to connect. Yes. So, all of these are kind of a God arrangement. Yeah, and even one more thing that I felt, you know, that during the marriage I felt, okay, that's it, now I'm going to be bankrupt, you know, because everything happened so fast that I didn't even have time to plan for anything. And so beautifully, so many people came forward from the church, from the family members and I was like, some of the people in my relatives, I didn't even go to their home, they turned up for my marriage. Wow, wow. That's right. I think marriage is such a beautiful time that you get all the families coming together, having fun and talking. Seriously, I just love marriage, man. It's a funny time, happy time. Yes, great. How was biryani? Oh, that's a very sad story, don't tell me. What happened? Just before the day of my wedding, I got a bite from the dog and you won't believe, none of the receptions I could eat the biryani nor taste the chicken or the other things. Very sad, very sad. Marriage means biryani, biryani means marriage, right? Yeah. Okay, so now, as you are married for almost seven months and you are living with this person as an arranged marriage and how was your initial, the first one week or one month? The first week and the one month was like I lost my privacy, to be very frank. Okay. And I felt someone coming and telling me, you do this, you fold your blankets, you have to clean your house and I was like, are you going to be a parent for me? Are you going to try to control me or what? This is where I think, you know, most of us, marriage is something that especially, most of the time people think that someone is intruding your privacy. I feel that there is an approach towards that, when you are a single person, you are the master of yourself. But the moment you get married, you start having a master above you that is, you know, Christ between you and the wife and he controls and he starts to help each other. So, basically marriage is not an intruding towards your privacy but rather marriage is a beautiful platform that you can exchange care, responsibility, love and that's beautiful way of expressing, right? But the world has actually given us, because the world always wants to show that you are a single person, you need to be alone, no one should tell you, we don't like those kind of effects. We always want to be isolated but God's design is totally different, am I right? Yeah, and even coach, what I felt was, as time went by, you know, I started having a feeling that, okay, now I should, you know, partner with her. But somewhere down the lane, you don't know that person, so you feel like, if I say something, that secret will be leaked to her, maybe she will tell to their parents or tell it to someone else, you know, that kind of feeling of fear, right? Yeah, insecurity was also there within me. I mean, that's very true what you are saying, especially you are married to someone and she is new and you are new, you are trying to learn the dynamics of conversation, communication and if you say something, she may misunderstand, if she says something, I am sure the amount of fear that you had, I believe even your wife would have had that. Yeah, I think so, but she never exposed it, but I was frank enough, I said, see, I trust you, certain things I will share, certain things I need little time, let the years go by, you know, I will tell you. So, that's how it was and initially she was, you know, in a longing that when we speak phone that we should have it in a speaker mode. I was like, okay, fine, we can have it, but give me some time, give me some time, so that's how the phase was going on. It's so nice to hear and tell us something, you know, all the audience who are listening to us, if you have to give one piece of advice in the seven months that you have walked in this journey of marriage, what is that one thing you have learnt in your marriage and to all our audience if they could practice in the marriage? Yeah, the one thing that I would like to say is that start saving enough of money before you get into a commitment. You know, some of the things, you know, the products that I have at my home, it was good that I invested that time because if I think of investing on those products now, it's going to really pinch my family. So, pre-planning can actually help your future marriage. And the second thing is that always have a family prayer. When you get up in the morning, as far as when you go to sleep and the prayer should be by holding hands, which we practice it. So, you hold hands and you pray. Yeah. So, whether you fight, you have some kind of misunderstanding at the end of the day. Who initiates prayer? You initiate or she initiates? It depends on the mood swings. Most of the time? Most of the time, I think, I initiate it. I say, let's go, let's go. And one thing that I like of my wife is whatever misunderstanding we have it, in the day when we get up, I'll be having that in my mind. But she will get up with a, you know, a new, as if it's a new day, nothing happened yesterday. And sometimes I'll be wondering, you said all so many things and now you're so fresh. And I'll be like, man, she's a different level person. Oh, true, true. So nice to hear. And I believe all those who are listening to us, it was a nice piece of advice. I think two advices. Number one is always pre-plan things that can make your marriage easy. The second one, Joji was talking about is holding hands and praying. So, all those who are listening to us, I believe this was a great time. And we catch you up next week with our one more series with one more couple. God bless you guys. Have a blessed time. This is your life coach, Marriage Masala Chai.