Cinema Crypt-- Krampus

All through the retail store, shoppers are crazy tonight. They storm in the doors and they trample and fight. Candy canes and people tase. Some questions about the plot are on the way. So let's deck the halls and get ready for Krampus. This is the Cinema Crypt. I am your host, Cody, with my co-hosts, Courtney and Eric. Hi! All right, and that's how you do a Christmas intro. Absolutely. Okay, gang, let's join in here. So we start off Krampus at a shoppa, I don't know, chaotic palooza where people are bursting in and they're trampling and they're fighting for Christmas toys. There's a play going on in the background for some reason. We had questions about that. Is that like a city thing? Yeah. Doesn't happen in this little town. Especially in a violent atmosphere like that. People are strangling each other in aisle one and they're like All through the retail store, shoppers are crazy tonight. They storm in the doors and they trample and fight. Candy canes and people tase. Some questions about the plot are on the way. So let's deck the halls and get ready for Krampus. This is the Cinema Crypt. I am your host, Cody, with my co-hosts, Courtney and Eric. Hi! All right, and that's how you do a Christmas intro. Absolutely. Okay, gang, let's join in here. So we start off Krampus at a shoppa, I don't know, chaotic palooza where people are bursting in and they're trampling and they're fighting for Christmas toys. There's a play going on in the background for some reason. We had questions about that. Is that like a city thing? Yeah. Doesn't happen in this little town. Especially in a violent atmosphere like that. People are strangling each other in aisle one and they're like, praise Jesus! Showing their real true Christmas spirit. Yeah. We quickly meet our lead, Max Engel, who is in a little bit of a tussle with a boy who said Santa isn't real. Which, I think that's sweet. He just wants to keep the Christmas spirit alive for everybody. My problem with him is that he has a lot of conflict issues. He chooses violence very quickly in every situation. Sometimes you just have to. Yeah, like if you don't believe in Christmas, this kid goes like UFC on you. Well, you see what happens when you don't believe in Santa. That's true. He proves it. You get a demon goat. We leave the store and we go to the Engel's home where their German grandma, Omi? Omi. Omi. She is preparing a feast for them, which is really lovely. And it is not very appreciated. I yelled at her to no dessert before dinner, which is crazy. You can't shut grandma down like that. Yeah. Yeah, they do seem realistic, though. Yep. Yeah. Agreed. 100%. And they push it so hard in your face that they are not very nice people. They slowly redeem themselves. Yeah, kind of. Tom and Sarah, played by Adam Scott and Tony Collette, are the main parents. They're not very good parents. No. But they kind of like each other as the movie goes on. No. Yeah. Not so much in the beginning. They kindle their flame throughout the movie. At first, I mean, when he talks about his wish, he wishes that his parents fall in love again. Yeah. So you know that there's some rocky foundation there. So Max wants to watch Charlie Brown and wrap presents together, but they're like, no, you're a fighter. You do that alone. Yeah. Like, you can still do it, but go do it alone. Like, yeah, we're not going to give you the family love and support you need after that altercation with your black eye. Go speak with your German grandmother. Away. And then I'm trying to get all the notes in order. I have so many. Well, like, it was kind of hard to take notes because not a whole lot happens early on. Like, a lot of stuff happens, but nothing interesting where it's like, oh, yeah. Yeah, they need to harp on this a lot. Yep. Toni Collette is hanging up the new family Christmas picture. And somehow, like, in the time that she was, like, framing this, she didn't realize that Perv Santa is checking out her daughter. Yep. Billy Bob Thornton there. Don't say that. Some background information on the movie. It is a 2015 film. It is PG-13, which I was surprised because when we first watched it, it seemed pretty violent and scary. Yep, and that's how we separate these, I guess. It's a comedy-drama-fantasy-horror. That's a mouthful. Yep. It was directed by Michael Dodery. We were having a hard time saying his name, but he awesome. Yes. That's kind of like his little masterpiece. Everybody loves that movie. It was written by Todd Casey, Michael Doberty, and Zach Shields. Oh, really? That's cool. I mean, not the punishing children part, but. Oh, yeah. When I was doing some research on Krampus, I found that he is a mythological figure from Western Europe folklore, and he goes by several different names. The Santa's evil twin, the shadow of St. Nicholas, half-demon monster, and Black Peter, which I believe is his porn name. It's like, you want Krampus' bill tonight? A few facts about it is Max lives next door to the Amityville house. They CGI'd it in there, and if you look when the power's going out, you can see the outline of it. Like the windows? Mm-hmm. Cool. Yeah, I thought that was pretty cool. They say at the end, when you're in Krampus' workshop, you can see the Bates Motel in one of the snow globes, but I couldn't find it. We'll have to do a rewatch here. I watched it like six times looking for it, and I was like, I don't see this. Yeah, there are. The description of the movie that I found was, a boy has a bad Christmas and accidentally summons a festive demon to his family home, which what's interesting about that is when Krampus comes, he just straight-up murders everybody around them and then slowly. Because they keep the fire lit. Oh, is that why? Uh-huh. Ah, Ami was on to something. Yeah, she said, keep the fire hot. That's what she said. Yeah. I know. Like, what'd they do? I guess they didn't believe in Santa. That is exactly what I said. I was like, when we first watched it, I was like, those clouds never mean anything good. Yeah. So, we're going through our plot, and before we get to our evil Chucky Clouds, they have their family dinner. Actually, we should talk about when the family gets there. The whole house shakes. Yep. That's the start. Yeah. Which I don't understand. A Homer should not shake a house. Okay. The house shakes a lot in this movie. They should really get the foundation looked at. So, Beth is upstairs Skyping or online chatting with her boyfriend, Derek. Cringe. Who you mentioned said he lives four blocks away. Cringe. Yeah, their young love. And she mentions that her family is coming, so she can't come to visit him. The house shakes, as we mentioned. And we get Howard, Linda, who is Sarah, Toni Collette's sister in the movie. They bring all of their children, their many children. Howie Jr., who's a little simpleton. Jordan, Stevie, baby Chrissy, and their dog, Rosie. Yeah. It's like, what's going on? Aunt Dorothy is played by Berta from Two and a Half Men. She sneaks herself in there. I love her. Yep. Yep. He was actually probably my favorite part of most of the movie. Like, he was entertaining. Yeah. What was his line? A shepherd has to protect his flock. Yeah. That should be the tagline for the movie. Yeah, she was mad because the tagline is, you don't want to be on his list. I was like, they don't say that. I mean, I don't want to be on his list, but... Why, he seems like a nice, demonic, human, half-man, goat thing. Yeah, really selling it for me. I was like, he reminds me of a Christmas Gene Simmons. Yeah. Yeah. Like, Gene Simmons with Lockjaw and a little rundown. Like, by the time Kiss is done with this farewell tour, it's going to be him. Okay, so now we're at the family dinner, and that's where we kind of get a lot of the conflict, which brings Max to make his wish. Thoughts on this lovely little gathering? Stevie and Jordan suck. Yep. They're so mean. They shouldn't have read that letter. Yep. But it shows the reality of kids and being jerks at that age and ruining the Christmas spirit. Like, a lot of kids try and ruin it. Again, it's realistic. Yeah. I know. That was so sweet. Yeah. No, I did like that. Yeah. Those kids are definitely jerks to him. Those kids are definitely jerks to him. They read his letter, and they get really offended when ... Like, he said, like, I'm sorry that Uncle Howard wishes that there were boys or something. Yeah. Which, I mean, I thought they were aware of that. Maybe he was just, like, wishing that he got a boy, since he treats those girls like they're boys. He had that little doofus. That kid was, like, drooling on himself. Oh, yeah, I forgot about him. Thurman Merman. I forgot about him. He doesn't talk, so ... Howie Jr. I forgot about Howie Jr. That kid is just, like, there's something about him where I'm, like, looking at him, and I'm like, what's wrong with him? Like, they don't touch on it. They just, like, make him weird. So, Max gets in his second brawl of the night. Rightfully so, I'd say. Yep. Throwing down. And, like, the parents just sit there, like, as this really long, like, letter-reading ... It's just like, yeah, let them keep reading it. Like, come on, guys. Like, it's clearly bugging him. It's clearly wrong, and they're just like, eh. We're just going to sit here and listen to what he wants. Yeah, they're touching on a lot of good points here. I guess, like, the other conversation they had was Howard picking on Tom for being, like, an Eagle Scout or something. Yeah. Like, I think it's hard to be an Eagle Scout. So, it's like, you know what? Don't talk shit. Like, weren't they, like, doing, like, archery and, like, learning about weapons? Yeah. I guess he was going to save your ass later, Howard. Yeah. The Eagle Scout. So, after their fight, Max goes upstairs, and he's just pouting, basically. And his dad comes up, and I feel like they had a nice heartfelt moment there, where the dad makes a lot of good points. He's, like, saying, like, you're family, and you have to get through the good and the bad, and, like, you've got to work harder to find the good and, like, what you have in common. And I was like, yeah, he really, he knocked that one out of the park. And then the kid just, like, he acts like he's going to be back in his festive little mood, and he just picks up his letter and throws it out the window. I was like, okay, fail. Yep. We thought we were going to get our sweet, happy ending right then and there. Or not. Plot twist. That was all cool. I didn't notice that. Yeah, I heard that. I was like, when I listened to it, I couldn't, like, identify it as them, but I seen that they were included. Right. Neat. And Max's wish is he wishes that Christmas could be like it used to be. And I was confused, because, like, granted, we're strangers into this family's holiday, but, like, when you look at them, they don't seem like they ever had a whole bundle of a lot in common. So it's like, what did it used to be like? More tolerable, probably. I guess maybe the kids also believed in Santa or something. Yeah, maybe. That's probably right, yeah. Because, like, there's no, like, real... It's probably more fun when they weren't all picking on him for... Yeah, like, maybe him and his sister were, like, closer and... Well, yeah, because in his letter he wished that him and Beth would hang out more. Yeah. Like they used to, so... Okay, so I guess that's his wish. The younger days. But he's only, like, eight, so it's like, how good was it? It's a lot of fun when you're little. He probably doesn't remember. Okay, so... As was discussed, he tosses his letter out the window, and our Chucky clouds roll in, and a blizzard comes with it and knocks all the power out. It's crazy. The DHL man delivering packages. Yeah. Days a day. He's the true hero of this story. Like, that dude was in a blizzard. Delivering presents. Delivering cheese, of all things. Like, who ordered a cheese basket? Right? Selfish. I don't know what the location of the movie was. Did anybody get that? It'd have to be New York, wouldn't it, if anybody will? No, they just, like, CGI'd that in there. Oh. Then I have no idea. I thought I was being clever. Yeah, yeah. Okay, take him back. I was just wondering if they got a lot of snow, or if, like, this storm was, like, really out of nowhere, but... Maybe it's just... I have no idea. Okay. I only remember him saying, we don't care. I only remember him saying, we don't get bears up here when said incident happens later. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they were just, like, shocked because... No cars were traveling, there was no snowplow. Yeah. No people. And they had, I think they said, 12 people in a house with no power, no hot water. No food. As Howard says, beer it is. Beer it is. Okay, so then Beth wants to go see Derek, who, as they mentioned, he lives four blocks away. So, her family thinks it's a good idea for her to take a stroll and check out the neighborhood, like, it's a weird recon mission for her. Yeah. My mom would never let me do that. Snowstorm or no snowstorm. I was not allowed to go to boys' houses, so... Right. I didn't find it very relatable. Especially, like, I could understand if there was no huge blizzard, but, like, what happened? This is where Oni gets, like, her fire fetish kicked in. Like, she's, like, playing in it, like, her face is, like, right up there, and she's like, yeah. Who wants hot chocolate? Yeah, one of the biggest things that bothered me is, like, with her, she had this terrible experience, but she, like, didn't tell anybody. Like, she, like, just carried it with her. Don't make way through. I was like, could you imagine if this hulking, mutated Santa Claus, like, took your family? Like, I'd have, like, 12 books out. I'd have documentaries. There'd be, like, headlines in the paper, like, nutjob tells all. She's like, nah, I better just keep this on the DL. Like, that just seems like something you keep to yourself. Maybe a therapist. So then, Beth is out in the blizzard, and it's, like, it's nasty, and she's chugging along, and it goes from day to night, and she hears sleigh bells, which I thought was, like, really cool, like, chilling scene. And the way I saw it is, she is Beauty, and then Krampus is the Beast, who drops in, and the first thing I noticed about him is, he does not skip leg day. That dude can jump. Krampus is pro legs. When he howls is what gets me. Yeah. Freaks me out so bad. And that's, like, so badass, when he's, like, chasing all, like, alongside her. On the rooftops. And she goes to the delivery truck and finds the guy frozen to death in there, and, fun fact, he is the only kill that we see. Throughout the whole movie. Yeah. Confirmed kill. Yeah, like, I don't think Derek survived. No. Just giving the information that we see, but. Yeah. But, Beth. Beth. Oh, yeah. He didn't seem like a survivor, judging that situation. He probably got eaten by those underground things. Oh, yeah, the snow tremors. Yeah. I was like, it's the gopher from Caddyshack. Well, they thought to. So, Beth is, hides under the truck, and Krampus jumps down, and his hooves are noticeable, and that has to be, like, the most terrifying thing, like. Like, what am I supposed to do? Yeah, like, what is the code for surviving a Krampus? Keep the fire hot. I got no fire. When you're outside, don't go out. Like, it. Yep. Mistakes were made. Don't walk in a giant blizzard to go check on your boyfriend. Okay. Sorry. Young love prevails. Sorry. Thanks, Mom, for keeping me inside. You saved me from Krampus. Yep. It's the little things that we don't appreciate when we're younger. I did think that the van scene's pretty cool, though, because, like, how she gets eaten, killed, whatever you want to call it, is pretty unique, because I just expect Krampus was going to take her from under the van. Right, like, he's going to, like, powerhouse that friggin' thing, like, right off her. Or just, like, any time something happens, and they grab the feet, or, like, grab the side, and you're like, ahh! Like, I always do, because I fall for it every time. Like, I was expecting that. But Krampus is a nice ghoul, and he does not swipe her out from there. He leaves her a present. Oh, yeah, so nice. A little jack-in-the-box. It's a little guy. See? I thought that, too, but he didn't think... No, because Howard took in that package, so that jack was already in the house. I know, but it's so, like, it looks the same. They have a creepy face. Maybe there's more than one in production. Maybe. Maybe he put it back in the bag. Or did they already have it in the house? Howard took it in with that cheese. Son of a gun. Yeah, we forgot to mention that. Trying to make theories. I do have a note about that. What you got? My note? I don't know. I don't know where it is now. Okay, when you say, I have a note, that seems more like I'm ready to present my note. Once upon a time... It was something along the lines of, this is, like, why we don't take things from strangers. Oh, yeah. This is our lesson learned. Don't take big Santa sacks inside your house. And he's, like, not even a bit curious about it. Like, ah, stupid Rick's people. They get everything. Yeah, and he doesn't even mention to the owners of the house that, like, he's bringing this giant bag in. Like, what if they were, like, planning... What if that was them? Like, the DHL guy was supposed to take that? Yeah, what if they were sending out that sack? Maybe. Oh, well, we'll just move on with our lives. So, now, Beth gets captured. Yeah, I didn't know what to call it, because we don't really know. Yes, I killed it. I'm gonna go with captured. I have made the theory that people get eaten, but he won't accept my theory. Well, like, I... Yeah. Yeah. So, it's kind of a bit of both. Like, they're eaten, but captured. Yeah, like, they don't get eaten and die. Sorry, you're not that lucky. I guessed it. That's true. That's a good point. So, Beth is captured, and we come back to the house, where we see Tom and Sarah are, like, having their first kind of moment together, where they're getting along. And, like, worrying about where Beth sat, right? Kind of. Like, this is a moment where you think they would be, like, concerned, hard-working American-like parents, and they're like, Oh, she was supposed to be back in an hour, but they're like, she's with Derek, that stoner guy, probably pregnant, I don't know. Don't be fun. That's like the moment where you'd be concerned, and then it's not even, like, 40 seconds later, Max comes, and he's like, I'm worried about Beth, and they're like, yeah, we should probably buckle up. Is this when he sees the first creepy snowman? Is this when he sees the first creepy snowman? Oh, no. Yep, he saw the Abe Lincoln snowman. Yeah. He must have been a local. I don't know what... After Beth, we get another snowman that just appears in the yard. Yep. They kind of just keep coming. As people get captured, they are the creepy snowmen surrounding the house. Right. Which is, like, why? I don't know. Is it one of those things? I don't know. Why? Oh, I don't know. It just made me question why. I know, he's going to come for me. Yes. I believe in Santa, so leave me alone. He is the shadows. He is the shadows. Okay. So, Tom decides to ask Howard if they could take their Hummer out and go to Derek's house to get Beth. Lucinda is the Hummer. Good old Lucinda. Yep. He's got, like... The family is kind of represented as, like, a redneck. Yeah. But, like, he drives a Hummer, and, like, they... Other than his girl boys, they're not really... ...hickish, I don't think. I think he came... Yeah, I think he came from... ...a, like, a farm family. Yeah. Because he said they should have went to my brother's for Christmas. Oh, yeah. Because I'm about Christmas on a pig farm. But then he's like, Jesus was born in a barn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like... Nope. Yeah, like, I expect him to be in, like, a rusty F-150. Yeah, I feel like that was, like, something that was overlooked in production. Like, yeah, he definitely seems like a Hummer owner to me. Uh... Omi does not want them to go out. Like, uh, we were saying, she's kind of wise to what's going down. Because she knows what's happening, and Death doesn't outright tell him yet. Yep, she, uh, she really holds onto that secret. She, uh, does not want to open up about the, uh, goth Santa. The goth... No. This is true. She's like, you can get in, ha ha. She's like, you don't talk German with me. No. Get in, ha ha. She's like, you don't talk German with me. Yes. Fuck ya. Like, have fun. And you guys were saying how Omi's, like, the nice one of the story. I don't know, I... Like, the more we dig into this, I feel like she's kind of the sinister... I do still love her, so... So she's still playing with her fire, and Tom just kind of disregards her concerns, and he's like, okay, we're going to get past. So him and Hauer head out into the storm, and they stumble upon a plow truck. Yep. I think the door was open, too, right? Door was open, keys were in there. Yep. Yep. Presents. Presents, yep. Picture of a family. Yep, that guy was just out there doing his job. Yep. Fucking Max. Yep. See, again, like, I don't feel like he's a good kid, because, you know, that nice man was taking presents to his kids. He had Christmas spirit. Max had Christmas spirit until it was taken from him. Well, this fella had Christmas spirit until he was taken. Obviously he didn't, because if he had Christmas spirit, Krampus wouldn't have gotten him. Isn't that the rule? Isn't that the rule? I don't think they specify it. Like, nobody in this town had Christmas spirit? Yep. Nobody believed in Santa. I guess so. Maybe they deserved it. Maybe they deserved their time with Krampus. Maybe he's the poetic hero. No, no, no, that's not going to go that far. Yeah, so after they see that the plow truck is damaged, they go to Howard's gun trunk. They pull out shotgun, because you've got to have a boomstick, and he gives Tom a revolver. No. There's a big gun and a little gun. Yeah. Yeah, it's heavy. Yeah. Then the concern level rises up, and now we're getting into the action, because they're going to Derek's, and I believe the front door was kicked in. I don't remember. I just remember the gingerbread being stabbed on the refrigerator or something weird. Yeah. I think so. Howard's very disturbed. I've said it would have been hilarious if they just included this line. They're looking around, and they see a fireplace is broken up. If one of those guys was like, looks like we've got a Krampus on our hands. Like they already knew. Yeah. They should have just added that in. It looks like a Krampus has been here. Wah! Which just seems like a missed opportunity that the women were all alone there, and they didn't have anything really happen other than some more house shaking. Yes. Quote unquote squirrels, which whoever thinks to make that as an excuse, I don't know. First of all, your house is more than a single story. They had a big house, so if you're hearing something, it's not coming from the next floor. It's not ginormous squirrels on top of the roof like you're trying to pitch to me. Yeah. I'm not believing it, Toni Collette. Yeah. She's in so many scary movies, she should know. Her character should just know, like sense it. Her and Linda, they ramble about Christmas ornaments for a while. Oh, yeah. And that's their touching moment of kind of getting back. That was their heartfelt moment. Yep. When Tom and Howard are searching around Derrick's, we mentioned they find the gingerbread knifed to the freezer. Howard's like said something about whoever did this is sick. Yeah. Like twisted or something. Got more of it sent off a bitch. And then they find the hooves marks and kind of animal stands on its back legs. A crampus, motherfucker. Well, they said something about a goat. And he was like, what kind of goat stands on two feet? And I wrote in my notes, the kind of goat you don't want to meet. The kind who's list you don't want to be on. Yeah, exactly. I can't remember. Oh, they hear Beth screaming. Yeah. Why they run out. They storm out. And Mr. Eagle Scout, who is the wussy coward, is way ahead of Howard. And he's taking the lead. He's like, he's going into action. And Howard meets the snow tremor there. The snow graboid. I had a few names for him. The snow shark, the winter tremor, the snow snake. And Howard gets dragged down. And it's mauling on his leg. I think he says that it's biting him. And at that point in time, I'd probably be like, okay, he's fucked. And head back home. But he is an Eagle Scout. Tom takes over. He uses some smart thinking there and grabs his gun. We appreciate that. He gets it to go away. Because normally, normally they would have just been like, see ya. Can't do anything about it. Another reason, he's a good friend there, a good brother-in-law, saving Howard. But his daughter is out there screaming bloody murder and he's just like, meh. We're going to save Howard. I can see him. You probably could have jumped in there. They pretty much just told Beth to eat it. She was screwed from the beginning. She never had a chance. Nope. Soon as she walked out that door, it was bye Beth, we're done. We're going to board up the windows and you're not coming in. Lock the doors. They go back past the plow truck and they find the Hummer just completely destroyed. Like it got hit by a fuckin' RPG or something. Grampus is back and Then we hear the famous Lucinda! Yes. Gets me every time. What other views I was checking out on this they were like, I hope he had Grampus insurance. So they get back home and obviously people have questions and Howard's bloody and panicked and screaming he's like, get the guns, get the knives. And then they're like, what happened? He's like, oh I stepped in a bear trap I think. He's like, on the sidewalk? You're like a suburban town. Don't get bears here. That's what Max says. Yeah. Cause Tom's like, hey, not in front of everybody. Like, let's try and keep our heads about ourselves and not make everybody panic. But it's already too late for that. Again, see like, everybody wants to be the Tom in these situations where you're calm, collected and like you know what's going on. Unfortunately most of us are Howards and we're just like freaking out, panicking. I believe this is when Omi decides it is time to talk about like, not a moment sooner. I know. That was like confusing to me too. But like, I know people can go back and forth between it. It's weird that when Max talks to her, he speaks English and she speaks German. And he translates for her. But like she, but like why would you talk to each other like that? That's like a weird, I don't know, like. She's probably more comfortable just in general speaking German. I mean. So it probably just comes first nature to her to talk. But she did pretty dang good with her English. Yeah, like she seemed like she'd been around a block. Like she had practiced this story in her head. Yeah. Maybe she was practicing to be like, this is the time I need to tell all these people. She's like, I'm not good at improv. Like she's like in the back writing down like how I'm going to tell this mystical story. Yeah, that sounds good. Yeah, that sounds good. Before we get to that story, though, Tony Collette wants to go find Beth and Howard explains that they were outside for four minutes and he almost has frostbite on his hand. Yep. And Dorothy, we haven't really talked about her much. I kind of forget about old Bertha there. She is babysitting and she's teaching the kids the importance of making peppermint schnapps and underage drinking. Classic. Yeah, she's a classy gal. Howard regrets not going with brothers for Christmas. We touched on that. They bore up the windows with an incredible amount of wood that they had like on hand. Yeah. Oh, you were mentioning like Beth. Yeah, I was like, they just were like to hell with Beth. Even if she escapes, she can't get in the house. Not to mention she has frostbite if she's out there. Yeah, they've abandoned that. Look, you know, we have a lot of other kids here. She was older. She knew the risks of pre-marital sex. She lived a semi-good life. They have the big slumber party in their living room and oh, Howard thanks Tom for saving him and he's like apology. It's like the most backhanded compliment. What's he say? Sorry for thinking you're a spineless dick. Like, thanks? Like, what do I say to this? They do see more snowmen out there and now we're going to get into Omni's little all I could think about was Tim Burton like when I was watching that like her little stop-motion show there. Yep. And she's explaining how the people of her I think she says village. She was standing in line to get bread which I don't know why you'd send your little four-year-old to get bread. Like, more bad parenting. That's the theme of this movie. Yeah. One of the strong themes. And the people like take it from her. It's like okay, dicks. That bread was her life source. Like you essentially just killed this little kid. I mean, everybody's starving. And she goes back home and her parents she has a little Santa doll and they just rip it. Like the jerks that they are. Again, douches. That's a Krampusen. She makes her wish that I think she wishes that her family would go away, right? Yeah. And from what I gathered I think the whole town gets taken. The whole village. Not just her family. No idea. Because like Krampus doesn't just go for one household. Like if he's coming to town he rounds everybody up. He's got the elves gathered and he's like okay, we hit, we hit hard, we hit fast. She gets this little Krampus bell. Yeah. Yep. He has his own merch. And he gives her a nice little wink. Yep. Creepy wink, but it's fine. Yeah. Like nothing mysterious happened with a demon goat if that's what you mean. Do you have any bread? Okay, so after her little spiel there nobody Oh, I think we actually jumped ahead there. We did. Because they do the slumber party. The fire goes out. Yeah. Yes. And then the gingerbread man comes over to me. So Howard says his famous line there. Shepard has to protect his flock. And they leave him on guard duty. Yeah, which the man just got attacked. Why are we picking on him? See, I was thinking about that. Like he's probably like has a lot of blood loss and shouldn't be trusted. He's been through a traumatic experience. Like he needs to rest up. He instantly falls asleep and they hear like chains jingling. The iPad music was playing and it cuts off and then all of a sudden the fire dies. Yeah. You see the chain come down. You hear the little hoo hoo like the gingerbread guy. You hear the gingerbread guys, yeah. Yep. And he just so happens to be in a mood for dangling chains and dangling chain gingerbread man. Yep. So he definitely goes for that opportunity. Takes a nice old bite out of Gingy's head and the gingerbread man looks at him like how dare you? Yeah. And then Howie starts to go up the chimney. Yeah, the gingerbread man wraps the chain around him and he just gets yanked in there. Tony Collette. Yep, she jumps in there and gets his ankles and the family tries like hell to get him back down there. Howard's jumping in there. A log comes out and retouches fire. Yep. The Christmas tree. Yep. Yeah. And then they lose little Howie. Yep. He wasn't much of a character but He's shopping. I just like picture him like standing there drooling on himself. Cause that's how we were introduced to him. At best like do you need dialysis? Which makes no sense. Do you associate retardation with kidney failure? Don't say the R word. Not okay. I mean like it's a proper term. Mental. Okay. Retardation. Oh. I will include that in my future notes. Mentally challenged. But we don't even know if he was. That's like how they associate him being redneck cause they're just like oh he's stupid. Yeah. So we're down to Thurman Merman and that's when she's like that's when she busts into her little pitch there. Yes. That's when the flashback comes. So she waited till another kid was taken. And first of all like we've established that she knew what was happening and she didn't stay up to like watch that fire. She told him to keep the fire hot. Yeah. She didn't specify. Well she still told him keep the fire hot. Well they failed. The flashback scene is probably my favorite part from the movie though. I thought it was neat. She tells him that Krampus comes not to reward but to punish. Not to give but to take. And he leaves his little personalized bell which I think she pulls out to like show him. So it's like you brought that to Christmas? Like you just you always have that? Do you have like a satchel that you carry? That's my Krampus bell. That's my reminder. Howard listens to her story. I mean he listens to this very long like five minute story and then he's like I'm going to get my boy. It's like you probably should have left roughly four and a half minutes ago. Yeah. Seen how bullshit or something. What's he say about the Easter bunny? I don't know. He's like come to spring it's going to be a rabid bunny. So Howard gets his gun and he goes outside but he stops because there's even more snowmen and I think the one looks like Howie Jr. Kind of. And he sees the little elves like coming through the snowmen. Yeah they're like dashing through. Doing whatever it is they do. They must just be like hanging out there and they're like little creeps. Yeah they're planning. Umi goes back to speaking German like I don't know why she just does. And she's talking to kids who like she knows they don't understand her so the one has to translate it's like we know you can speak English. Um Tom starts planning to get the family out by going back to that plow truck. Yep. I did forget about that. Yep. And then And then Oh Linda goes to the attic to rewrap the burnt presents. I was like what the hell happened to that? I was like I knew somehow they got in the attic. And then Yep. She hears them like moving around in the boxes and stuff. Yep. Um then their kids have to use the bathroom so they go upstairs because Aunt Dorothy blew up the one downstairs apparently. Yeah. And they hear they hear Beth apparently. Robot Beth. Yeah it sounds like she's speaking through one of those like robotic kids toys. And uh they decide to follow the voice in the attic because that's never ended badly ever. They just think she's been hiding in the base or the attic I mean. Yeah. What sense does that make? Yeah. Come on guys. Max is downstairs looking through binoculars and he sees Mr. Big Bad and Ugly on the neighbor's roof. Yep. He gets like a flash. Yeah. But then he's gone. Yep. That's when Tom, Sarah, and Linda they go looking for the kids and Howard stays downstairs because reasons. He has to protect his flock down there. Yeah like his flock is upstairs. He's got to protect the downstairs flock. Oh. That's true. And his baby was downstairs right? Yeah. Yep. So this is like one of my favorite scenes is when they go up there and they just get their asses kicked. So they walk up and they first they see the most terrifying giant jack in the box swallowing Jordan. Yeah. All you see is her boots and then Jack stops and he like has a handkerchief and he like wipes his mouth and it's like aw. So proper. He's got manners. He's not your typical rude jack in the box. Then a bear comes out and I think bites Linda's arm. This weird it's like an angel. I feel like it was the tree topper. Okay. I thought so. But it looks like a Tiffany doll. Yeah. With a demon tongue. Yeah. It attacks Sarah and it's on top of her and it like ear bangs her with it's tongue. And they're tussling around and Tom gets a robot comes out and like jumps on his back and starts stabbing him. That's a code red. The tree topper angel there grabs some Christmas lights and hangs Sarah by the rafters. Yep. Chokes her out. Yep. Meanwhile Howard is downstairs and Yeah. He hears some noises so being the hero that he is he investigates and there's three little gingerbread men. Little assholes. They're cute though. Like they're not like scary. They're like they auditioned for Shrek and got turned down so they're like we're going to do this instead. Yep. They're feeling a little Yeah. Yep. Insane. And that reminds me of like an army of darkness style like fighting because it's like kind of slapstick and it's funny but it like they're still kind of creepy like and they're definitely trying to kill them. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking of and they shoot him in the leg with a bunch of nails and he falls down and he grabs like a cutting board or something. Yeah. And he protects himself from a few more and then he takes his gun and he shoots a lantern that was next to him and they just blow up. They're all on fire and screaming and they charge him and he shoots one of them and then the other one he can't get and it's coming at him and he's like cowering and he opens his eyes and Rosie ate it. Just chomping away. Like that thing was mid-air on fire and that dog's like yeah yeah. After they just got done calling her a useless turd. Yeah. That's right. Not so useless now is she? No. Rosie has a like a real comeback and we'll get to We'll talk about that in a few seconds. So meanwhile they're upstairs Tom's getting stabbed in the back for like a while. Yeah. Like he's probably got like punctured lung. I think he's a little high up but Linda sees her other daughter on the ground Stevie. Yep. And she just goes beast mode. She's like mama bear kicks in takes that takes that teddy bear's eye out with the icicle. Yeah. And she takes that out and she gets like an axe doesn't she? Yeah. Yes. She takes a little hatchet I think and she takes out that robot she cuts her sister down and I think she whacks that angel and then she goes for Jack and he's trying to get into the vents and she goes to hit him but he just slips away and then like there's this nasty like slime trail behind him and it's like what was that? Probably his drool from swallowing Jordan I think. He had to lube her up. Yeah it's like a die hard sized vent too like I don't think how does that I could be wrong. That thing is huge because Jack had a kitten inside of him. Probably rich people do we don't know. Yeah. Ours is pretty big right there. We're not rich so we don't know the luxury. They all regroup in the living room with Aunt Dorothy and that was like I think my favorite line was Howard's like what was up there? and you're like you wouldn't understand he's like I just got my ass kicked by a bunch of gingerbread men. You don't wanna know. Or I got my ass kicked by Christmas cookies. Yeah. I did appreciate the humor sprinkled through like the fighting scenes. They hear Jack in the vent and Max decides to open the vent and send Rosie in. Dick move. I was really mad. Like at first it sounds like the dog's doing good. Rosie puts up a fight and all of a sudden we hear ooh. Yeah and then Jack falls through the ceiling. Yeah after he ate Rosie. Yeah. Captured. Captured if you wanna say. The one eyed bear comes back and so the Christmas topper there the angel they have like a party reunion downstairs. Yeah they just like pick up where they left off and start beating them again. But this time Aunt Dorothy grabs the gun. Heck yeah. She kicks ass. She takes out that bear. Until the creepy elves show up. And she takes out the angel and then they tell her to finish Jack and she's like no problem. And. The elves bust through the window. They hear a noise and they're like oh. A bunch of little elves come bursting through the window and they like they remind me of like when you go to the Halloween haunted houses and they have like the actors who can't touch you but they like chase you cause they like back them up to the wall. Oh yeah. I know what you're saying now. They don't really like hurt them. They like to scare out though. Yep. When they busted through the window. Yep. And then they. Yeah. Yeah. He was like thanks for saving me and he waves his little jazz hands around. Jazz hands. He's like my friend. Thank you for saving me. I have a girl and a dog. Ready to go. And. Cause they chained Aunt Dorothy up. Yep. It's like a slide whistle. Yeah. It's stupid. Yeah. They pull her out. And they steal the baby. Oh yes. Cause then Howard goes and runs before he holds on to the jack and the box. Yeah he jumps on Jack. And that was our other favorite line where. Tom goes oh great. Like he's just like so sick of this shit. Like he's just phased. And then we get our third time the house shakes. Oh yeah. Cause Krampus comes. And. Cause Omi's desperately trying to light the fire back up but every time the wind blows it just keeps blowing out the matches. Yep. And they're like we gotta go. We gotta go to the snowplow. It's our only hope to get out of here. And they leave but she closes the door and locks herself in. She's like I don't know. I don't want to talk about going through the window but Max is like she needs to face him. She wants to help. But. I don't know. That seemed unnecessary. Cause maybe Omi thought that it was her problem. That Krampus was coming to town not Max's. And she gets a not so great surprise. Yep. Or maybe she was trying to slow him down. Cause like if he was on the roof then they can't really run away. We learned with Beth he's he's got some moves. He comes down the chimney. Oh yeah. So they all leave. Creepy. And his horns come through the fireplace first and. Creepy long hand. He's got. Yeah. Yeah. 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