Co Commish Post Draft Rankings

The speaker is recording the first episode of the weekly Co-Commissioner Tower Rankings. The recording quality is poor, and the analysis and rankings are not great. The speaker goes through the Keeper Rankings, discussing the top rankings and criticizing some choices. They then move on to the Co-Commissioner Power Rankings, ranking the commissioners from worst to first based on their draft picks. The speaker includes some personal opinions and homerism, with themselves ranking in 9th place and having Mark Andrews as their best pick. They also mention that Joe Cook kept a kicker and express doubt about his fantasy football abilities. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, by ladies I just mean Jesse Due, the rest of us are obviously all gentlemen in here. Welcome to the very first recording of probably the worst thing you will ever hear in your entire life, and what I'm sure will be the last recording of the weekly Co-Commissioner Tower Rankings. This recording will indeed be awful, I apologize for the fact that I am recording on a pair of headphones that was bought prior to Grafton losing his virginity, which honestly isn't all that long ago so I should have used a better example, but the headphones are old, just trust me on that. So I'm sure this sounds not great, none of this is going to be great, it is what it is. The analysis is going to be awful as well, and I can assure you that there will be a lot of homerism in all of my takes, because I am just simply better than the rest of you. There will also be no editing of any sort, this is a one-take endeavor, because A. I don't know how to, and B. I don't care to learn, C. I don't think any of you all are going to listen to it anyways. So without further ado, I'm going to jump in. First thing I'm going to go through is the Keeper Rankings. Pretty simple how we got here, I took the round that folks were supposed to be drafted in, minus where you got to keep them, got that backwards, flipped that, the round you kept them in minus the round they were supposed to be drafted in, that was a positive number, it's a good thing, if it's a negative number, it's a bad thing. I'm not going to tell you all the numbers, I'm just going to tell you how I ranked them. Normally in something like this I go worst to first to kind of build the suspense, but I want to save Joe for last so I can just absolutely shit on him for keeping a kicker. So I'm going to start with the top of this list, coming in at number one here, the second biggest scrotum in the group, Bracken Sizemore, Puka, Sam Laporta, absolute studs, not much to say about those. Could be tied in one, best rookie wide receiver that's ever happened, can't beat it. Number two, very similar story, last two picks with Garrett Wilson and Kyron Williams, honestly don't know how Garrett Wilson was that long, I guess that's a double keeper. Like I said, I don't care enough to really put any effort into this, so I didn't go back and check, but my assumption is that he's got to be a double keeper for him to be that late in the draft. Number three, this is where you get some controversy, from three to about nine, or three to eight, because really the last two really suck. Three I had Blake Myers, the Otter Creek King, I think he kept Rashad White just so he could take his name again this year, Rashad Power, we all know what that means, and then for some reason he also got A-Chain as a keeper, I don't know who was dumb enough to drop him last year, but that person is a real, real dumb-dumb. Four is the golden child himself, with CJ in the last round, who cares, it's a quarterback, but CJ's pretty solid. The real steal, even though it was his first round pick, was Christian McCaffrey as the number 10 pick overall. That just shouldn't be allowed, but somehow, here we are. What a surprise that it worked out in Jacob's favor. Fifth, even though I kind of hate the first one of these, was Jesse Dewey, just look at ADP versus what round he got to keep people in. He was fifth on the list, Josh Jacob, Nico Collins, I think Nico could be a stud, I'm honestly hoping, because I don't have any Texans on my team, that CJ Straub just sucks a big fat one this year. I don't think that's going to happen, but you never know. One can hope, right? That would obviously then affect Nico and Jacob, and that would be awesome for me. Number six, Jalen Hurts and Brees Hall for a certain Timothy Cooper. Jalen Hurts, again, quarterback, who cares, there's a thousand of them, but Brees Hall, where he got to keep him, is just not even right. So Brees Hall should be like the third overall pick, something like that, Tim take him in the third overall round, so nowhere near where he should have gone at, but good for him. Tim needs a little bit of help. Redman coming in at seven, just because he had his wide receivers taken care of, Mike Evans, George Pickens, got them taken care of, not a problem whatsoever. He was able to focus other places after taking Jamar Chase with his first round pick, so his wide receivers are set. That is, until Jamar Chase decides to hold out, if you listen to Ocho Cinco, and quote, not set a foot on a football field until he gets a new contract. Hopefully for the rest of us, that is what actually happens. Eighth overall, Brandon Yarborough. The first one, I guess, makes sense, because Tyreek was going pretty early, and he was the ninth pick in the first round, so Tyreek Hill being the ninth pick overall makes sense. Curtis Samuel is mind-boggling to me, and I could look very, very, very dumb at the end of this season for saying that, because the Bills have really nobody else that knows how to catch a football. Dalton Kincaid, I guess, at tight end, but for their wide receivers, they have the aforementioned Curtis Samuel, who we all know what he is, there's no way he's going to be good, but he might be, I guess, because there's nobody else there. Keon Coleman, who I'm not sure can catch, but is one hell of an interview. Any time I see a video of him on Instagram or TikTok, I'm watching him. I like that dude. And then the one that I ended up with, I don't even know his name, Khalil Shakur or something like that? I mean, that's just a hope and a prayer of, somehow, he's the rookie that takes over and catches balls from Josh Allen. So weird pick with Curtis Samuel, but it could pay off for him. Now we're getting to the two teams that really suck here. I do want to clarify, when I say really suck, there's different levels to this. So I'm in number nine, I rate myself ninth here, I'm aware my keepers suck, so I took Justin Jefferson in the first, not because I really wanted to, but just because I didn't feel like there was going to be anybody else there that would be a better pick than him at my spot in the first round. We'll see how Zach Arnold pays off with the Vikings. He's proven that he can support a wide receiver in one, hopefully that continues with Justin Jefferson. I really, really hate Travis Etienne. Like, he had a great start to last year and then petered off and was absolute trash towards the end of the year. I think he's actual trash overall, I think the Jaguars are trash, that's probably just me talking to the Titans fan, but I think they suck. So I hate that pick, but again, it was one of those things where I didn't know who else to pick, so that's who I took, but that's why I've got myself in ninth. But again, let me emphasize, there's a big difference between suck where I'm at and what in the sweet hell are you doing, which is where our good friend Joe Cook ends up at. Joe Burrow, again, it's a quarterback, who cares, there's thousands of them, but he's a good one to keep. And then Cameron Dicker, I mean, what are we supposed to do with that? Dicker the kicker, ole Rick Dicker, that's who he kept in a keeper league. And it sounds dumb. And then I look at the rest of his team from last year, and that's probably his best choice. I mean, I don't even know what his other options were. I guess Baker Mayfield, who's worse, and then everybody else, he would be taking a hit on keeping them. Austin Eckler would be nine rounds early. Devin Singletary, I guess he could have kept. Vermonger would be six rounds early. Chris Godwin, three rounds early. T. Higgins, four rounds early. Tyler Boyd, 12 rounds early. Gabe Davis, nine rounds early. We actually break it down. That was really his only choice. It's a dumb choice, but it was really his only choice. So it is what it is on that. So that's our keeper rankings. If you all can disagree with them, I don't know if I'm going to bother typing this up and sending it out or just making you all listen to it. We'll see how bored I get at work tomorrow. From there, I'm going to move into really what everybody's here for, the actual co-commissioner power rankings. And I will do this one the way that it's supposed to go. And interestingly enough, as would make sense, this kind of mirrors our keeper rankings, because good keepers really set you up for a strong draft and a strong start to the season. So worst to first, here we go, 10th place, our good friend again, Joe Cook. What can we say here? He kept a kicker. History has taught us everything we need to know about Joe Cook's fantasy football abilities. It is what it is. It's not going to be good, but hey, he filled in for us. So good for him. We appreciate you being here. The one thing I've got is his best pick here. I did try and go through and make a best pick for everybody. Omari Cooper, if Deshaun remembers how to throw a football this year, that could work out for him. He might finish in a solid 8th place. I mean, that'd be a hell of a season, hell of an improvement. I do not have him as making the playoffs, so just in case anybody's surprised by that. 9th place, again, one level of suck up, I have myself. Not much to say about my draft. I hate my team. I think all of you hate my team. I know Fantasy Pros hates my team, and you are all right, as am I. Not having good late-run keepers, especially a running back wide receiver combo, really, really sucks. It makes the draft super hard. So I'm hoping some of the ones I took late this year are going to pay off to where I can keep them next year. I'm sure that won't happen, and I'll be right back at the bottom of this list again. Had my best pick is Mark Andrews. I do think he's in shape for a potential tight end one season. I think he'll be top three at least, because he will be very, very involved in that offense. We'll see. As I noted in the start of this, there is going to be some homerism, so I do have myself making the playoffs, once again, because I think I'm better than the rest of you. 8th place, Jesse Redman. Not making the playoffs, needs a lot of running back help, but I'm sure Blake will trade him some bullshit in the middle of the season, because that's all that ever happens, is Blake trades with Redman. I'm trying to think. I think Blake has been significantly worse since Jarbo left the league, since they just kind of colluded, made one super team, gave it to Blake, because Redman and Jarbo don't even care about fantasy football or know anything about it. So I think Blake's been worse. I think that's probably a good thing for the rest of us, but I'm sure him and Jesse will hook up. We'll get some running backs, because Blake has 1,000 of them, and we'll go from there. Best pick for Jesse, I don't really think it was the best pick, but I know he did. I could tell because of how sticky the floor was after he made this pick, but it's got to be Lamar Jackson. I mean, a Cardinals fan, getting the one thing that brings them joy in the past decade, good for him, man. Good for him. I don't appreciate you ruining my pair of shoes that I was wearing that night, but it is what it is. I mean, I'm telling you what, Graffin's basement looked like that corner in Tim's basement. It was significant. SIG-nificant. Moving on, number seven, Brandon Yarbrough. James Cook was a must-have pick for him, because he is betting on some old-ass running backs. Now, if they pay off for him, he'll be in good shape, but Alvin Kamara, Austin Eckler, I mean, you want to talk about Pastor Prime, they're looking at their Prime in the rearview mirror, and it's way back there. Way, way back there. Tim, number six, I do hope his other running backs suck, but he had a good start with Montgomery given the Jameer Gibbs entry, although as I'm sitting here reading this, I did get an alert from ESPN that Gibbs is expected to be back in practice this week, so maybe not as good as he was hoping for that, but I'm sure it'll work out. Hopefully not, but I'm sure it will. For Tim's best pick here, I had his, let me get the exact team it is here, I guess I say team, not an individual player, it's the Cincinnati Bingalls. He took his second defense on the draft. I mean, just a hell of a pick. The Cincinnati Bingalls defense as your backup defense, unbeatable. Not making the playoffs for Brandon and Tim, I don't think I included that for Brandon, but I don't feel like I had to, I think we all knew that. Number five, and making the playoffs from the five spot, so we've got the nine spot and the five spot making the playoffs right now, Mr. Blake Myers. I would have absolutely loved to see him, he probably would have been top two if he had not been Blake, and had taken not just straight running backs in rounds three and four, like if he'd have gone one running back, one right receiver, I would have loved his team. I do still have him making the playoffs, because I like his team overall. Hard not to with A-Chain, we got him there. And I think Kyler was his best pick, he's going to be a top three QB this year. I shouldn't even say that out loud, because I probably want to try to trade Blake for Kyler at some point, so I shouldn't gas him up, but I'm going to. Kyler's a top three QB. Number four, the German himself, Jesse Dewey. His wide receivers are studs, I love the Josh Allen, Dalton Kincaid sack, love it. Hopefully that's wrong, hopefully it's Dawson Knox all year catching TDs. I don't think that's going to happen though, I thought Dalton Kincaid's going to be great, because he's the only one that's been there before. Gus Edwards was his best pick of the draft, that was a perfect pick for his team, with very little running back depth. To get Gus Edwards where he did, absolutely perfect, should set him up well. And then I still don't trust him to make the playoffs, so he is not going to make the playoffs in the fourth spot here. And the number three spot was our number one keeper rankings, Grafton himself. Keepers are studs, the Nick Chubb and Jerome Ford combo is savvy, so that he can get Jerome in there until Nick Chubb gets back, that was very needed because the running backs are weak. It's funny, as I'm reading through this and talking out loud, running backs just suck is what I'm getting from this. So it's good to have a lot of them, so maybe Blake's not a dumbass. One knock on Grafton's team is the same knock on this recording here, lots of homerism, two Colts heavy. Could pay off for them though, because they get to play the Titans twice, and the Titans suck. So, might work out. I hope Anthony Richardson just falls apart, I can't express how much I hate that guy. Not even, I don't care if he's good for fantasy, or good for football, I hope he's bad at both. I hate that guy. Not making the playoffs, just because Grafton is Grafton, and Grafton will manage to not be clutch and not make the playoffs. Again, I don't think I needed to say that, I think we're all on the same page there, but I'll say it. The number two spot, number two in the co-commissioner's power rankings, the golden child himself, Jacob Hughes. Again, CMC, last pick of the first round of the robbery. The key pick here for Jacob Hughes was Roshy Grice. That could be a reckless pick, but it could pay off for him, and I'm sure we all know Jake's going to be in the playoffs. I've got him winning again, I think he's probably 10-man league here, probably plus 130 to win it all, which is just ridiculous. Just ridiculous. But it's Jacob, everything works out, it's what it is. Let's just deal with it and move on. Number one, post-Graft co-commissioner power rankings, the big sack bandit himself, Logan Sizemore. First pick for him, I actually have two that I noted for him. So Kyron Williams, I mean, Kyron in the 18th is just robbery, fine, is what it is, the rest of us can get over it. The two that I had noted on here were because of his sleepers, so having Garrett Wilson and Kyron that way allowed him to go to the onesie positions early on in the draft. So Trey McBride in the fifth, could be tied in one overall in the year. I think 1, 2, 3, 4 this year is going to be some commo of Laporta, Kelsey, McBride, and my guy Mark Andrews. So he filled his onesie position really easily there, and grabbing Mahomes, I mean my gosh, it was so easy because he had his wide receiver and running back set. So grab Mahomes, you could fill the rest of it with shots, just so easy with the keepers that he had. So that's where I'm at. I don't even know if this is recording, I've probably just been talking to myself a little bit tipsy on my deck for the past 30 minutes. It is what it is. Like I said, it's going to be the worst thing you've ever listened to. I don't frankly care. This was a hell of a lot faster than typing it up, so this might be what I do from here on. I take that back, being able to find the time to record this when I don't have a child screaming at me right now is pretty rough. Oh, I forgot to mention, this episode is brought to you by Carson's, the new Carson's location in Andover. Not because they're sponsoring or anything, or I'm getting anything out of this because it's absolute trash and why in the hell would anybody do anything like that for this, but just because that's where my wife and daughter are currently, and they're allowing me some quiet time to actually record this. So appreciate Carson's for that. Hopefully I get a little leftovers out of it too. TBD, I'll figure that out here in about 15 minutes. But we'll see. If I can figure out how to save this and send it out, we might do it again. Like I said, a hell of a lot easier than typing it up, and I don't want to put that much effort in. So I'd say good luck, but I don't mean it. I'm better than you. Fuck all you guys. Lose every game. Goodbye.