Session 0 2 TIght Cut

A group of friends, Serafina, Idaho, Doran, and Mordred, are catching up after five years. Idaho has been experimenting with time, and has a shield as a warrior tradition. Doran has turned to more sinister activities, collaborating with Serafina in robbing traders. Serafina has been using her bardic magic to protect her sister and earn money through various means. Mordred has been studying animals and druidic practices, spending time in the forest. They all hang out at the park as teenagers. When Serafina came to town, you guys were all about 10, give or take, and now you're all about 15. It's kind of coming up on the end of your schooling journey, and time for you all to head out into the world. But first, let's get a little update from everyone. What's been going on these past five years? Who wants to start? I'll have you all roll for it. Love it. Thirteen. Nineteen. Okay, I guess I'm going first. Natural 20, baby. Unless that means I don't have to go first. Idaho has been doing pretty well. He's been, you know, ever since he's heard... He doesn't know what happened, but he's heard tale on his past adventure, last session, of the horrific nature of time. He's been doing a lot of experimentation. He's been, like, running around counting to see if he can, like, make things happen. Unfortunately, has not succeeded yet, but we'll check back in on that. He, um... He has a shield now. Also not... It's more real than the sword. Do you know what I mean? That's still a foam thing. And this is, like, actually a piece of wood, but it's clearly, like, a bit of driftwood that he found. And he's engaged in his very first, like, warrior tradition, as it were. So what he's decided is that, you know, he's heard tale of all these, like, great warriors across centuries. They take, like, these brave heroic feats of courage and honor. And he was inspired by one of them. And what he started doing is he started this trend that whenever he vanquishes, like, a mighty foe or, like, a tyrant or a king or a queen, he gets, like... You know how people in prison will get a teardrop tattoo when they kill someone? He has, like, a little scar on his face for when he's, like, vanquished some tyrant king or queen. You might be asking, how many scars does he have on his face? The answer is one. He crushed a beehive by accident and killed the queen. And as it turns out, he's very allergic to bees. And his face got all fucked up and scratched up. So his first scar was not self-inflicted. He just started the tradition after that. He's like, okay, this is what this is going to be now. I have, like, a falling over bee scar. And from now on, for any future queen I kill, the bees will fear my wrath of me, Idaho. He who is a little bit allergic to bees. Idaho, enemy of bees. Enemy of bees and queens. And queens. The two villains of this campaign. I don't know how you predicted it. All the villains are bees and queens. Yeah, he's been practicing. He's been getting older. Growing up. Learning lessons. Trying to figure out how to fight better. Now that he's actually, like, seen, you know, like, monsters and stuff in person somewhat. Ella melons, who knows if they're monsters. But he's learning about the world. Yeah. And I'll say in the past couple years, you guys have had some run-ins, you know, with more dangerous folk or some more monstrous creatures probably in the woods. Maybe you fought a cat. Who knows? It's all open to interpretation. Sweet. Next up is me. Yeah. So, Doran has never really fully recovered from his time trauma. I think that's going to stick with him for a while. I hope nobody listened to that part of the recording, because I'm hoping to keep it a surprise. And so, the last five years have been really him kind of moving away from these, like, innocent pranks of his youth and starting to get into a little more sinister stuff. So, there has been some collaboration with Seraphina to rob some traders and caravan guards that may be passing through town. Maybe. Maybe a little. He is generally a bit of an actual menace. He's been pickpocketing. He gets into real trouble. And people now know him as a bad egg. He's kind of around, still hanging around with these four as kind of his friend group. But it's mostly, I think, Seraphina keeping him in there, because lots of conflict with Idaho and Mordred, especially Idaho. Because Idaho, I imagine, does not approve at all. I don't approve. I've been training. I've been in the gym. You know, you watch your back. I am right. That's right. So, yeah, definitely getting into some trouble. He's not as much. Like, he never, ever left another dog turd in teacher's mailbox. Those days of innocent prankery are over. And Mordred, or, sorry, Doran takes himself much more seriously now. Gotcha. Okay. Then me. Cool. So, since we last saw Seraphina, a few notable things have happened. Firstly, she started to see inklings of her bardic magic manifest in how she protects and cares for her little sister Hope. Secondly, her father died. And he died by drinking himself to death, which is surprising to no one. And so the two Dumaal girls have been left to navigate the world on their own. They decided not to contact the aunt that they moved to the city for, because it was hit with her dad that they thought that she might be just as mean as him. And they don't really know her that well. So it's just them on their own now. And this means between school and caring for Hope, Seraphina is often found trying to earn a quick buck by doing other students' homework, performing plays or veal solos in the town square for tips, or, like previously mentioned, when need be, pickpocketing and hustling unaware visitors for some coin, often in the company of Doran. Yeah. What can't she do? She's an entrepreneur. A girl boss. Yeah, I was definitely imagining it as, like, you know, using your Bardly distraction ability as well as sneak around and cut person. Yeah. I also fully imagine that y'all know that my dad is not a good dude and is dead and are, like, keeping the secret of that it's just two children living by themselves, hopefully. So, yeah. Wait, so the rest of the town doesn't know he's moved on? Yeah. Yeah. So they still think that it's all of us as a big, happy family, which we never were, and that, yeah, if anybody asks, then it's just, oh, yeah, he's out of town for business. He's around. Yeah, yeah, he's out of town for business. Yeah. The town drunk. He's testing the next town over's tavern. Somebody's got to. How long has he been dead? I feel like he's recently, like, died. Because, yeah. Okay. The next town is really far. But I feel like he's recently died. When I initially made the character, it was going to be, like, 16, but 15, like, so he's just died. And how she navigates. Do you guys, like, do you have any pranks, not pranks, anything set up to, like, convince the surrounding area that, like, he's there, like, and he's not alone? Like, we get a burning house. Like, moving things in windows. Like, we get a burning house. A giant dad puppet in her house. Just in case, even though I don't know if I have any neighbors close enough, every day I go to school, I'll probably go, bye, dad. It works every time. Yeah. Someone, like, waves a gloved arm outside the. Yeah. Maybe cast Thaumaturgy and he'll say, bye, from the house, so people think he's there. Yeah. Girlboss, entrepreneur, and dicks. I thought he got that on a pillow somewhere. Should be on a pair of booty shorts. Are you good? And Carlos, takes home. Cool, yeah. So, Mordred's just been chilling. Big studying. After meeting the druid about five years ago, kind of became in love with animals and druidic stuff, because most of the animals kind of hate Mordred on the farm, but the animals of the forest seem to quite like Mordred. So, you know, Mordred spends most of her time hanging out in the forest with two big books. One is just a big bestiary of just animals with animal descriptions and just all stuff like that. The other one is just druidic for dummies. Just learning how to speak druidic. And yeah, hanging out with Sprinkles, the ferret, and all of Sprinkles' babies. Now, just live in the forest. The forest now just has, like, an invasive ferret issue. Do ferrets normally live in the forest? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. If you get enough of them. They live wherever they want, I think. If you get enough of them, it's a ferret invasion. Yeah, I think most people kind of know that Mordred just kind of sneaks away, maybe after school or on weekends, and just kind of hangs out where the druid used to live, to the point where the path that was kind of hidden before is now a very clear path that kind of goes down there. And yeah, sits on a little stump, hangs out. Yeah. All in all, everyone's been living their lives, growing, learning, failing, as people do when they grow older. But also hanging out with each other. You guys have all spent, at this point, like six years in school together, some of you a couple more, Colin's also there, and you guys have all... I'm glad you made it. I'm glad you made it. Just sort of bonded a little bit through knowing Miss Fairburn as an Ella Mellon, and a little bit through all of your other misadventures. But we are going to cut now, knowing all this. Where would a group of high schoolers such as yourselves hang out? Well, you know me, Christian. Idaho. I'm always at the various other buildings every Friday night. You know, I go in the various other buildings, and I... Dear listener, on our map, there is a building called various other buildings. Cool. That's actually various other buildings. It's not just one building, is the idea. I go in there, and I'll be up there all night. Doing various other activities. That's fun. Now someone answer the goddamn question. Oh, I don't know what this is. Yeah, I'm definitely thinking the park hang. That has a teenager's vibe, because we're too young to go to the inn or the tavern. I'm kind of thinking we're hanging out at the park. It also kind of lets us do all of our things a little bit. You know... All of your... Yeah. It can have the high schooler, the park energy. I can run around and be Piper. It's a park. It's right by the city. It's right by the main road. So, four high schoolers at the park. Oh. Four high schoolers at the park, late into the evening. Yeah, I feel like... I feel like I just let the ferrets run, so there's just a bunch of ferrets. Ferrets running around. Just kind of running around the park, all over the place. Eating scraps, getting into stuff, getting into scuffles. I'm sitting on a swing with a big book that says, Morgan, where did you get all those ferrets? So, sprinkles I got from the druid man back when we went to his place for the first time about five years ago. And apparently he had another ferret, and they fell in love. And now it's become a little bit of a problem. Because I don't have enough food to feed all these little guys. But we make do, right gang? Ferret noises. Oh, got it. And we can just sample that audio any time we see ferret noises. Thank you. Repeat it like 50 times for each ferret. I'll overlay it to 50 tracks at the same time. Just slightly offset. So what are y'all doing? I'm definitely carving my initials into the side of the thing. Oh yeah, you just got like a little dagger? Yeah, a little knife. I'm well known for carrying a little dagger around. So we're in, you know, never leave home without it. I feel like Idaho has, you know, grown a little bit. It's become a little bit more open. It's become a little bit more open. It's become a little bit more open. I feel like Idaho has, you know, grown, like, you know, earlier in his life when he was hanging out here with y'all. Years ago they pretended to fight enemies. Now he's just, he has a watchful, vigilant, you know, hand on the hilt of a sword. Who knows, maybe it's a real sword now. Probably not. Who knows? We'll find out. Just kind of watching, I think. Happy to be part of the group. Hell yeah. Yeah. Serafine is definitely there. She's probably sitting on the bench and just sketching because it's a really pretty park. I don't know if we mentioned, but it's a very pretty park. And so she's just sketching, maybe in hopes to paint it one day. But she can't afford paint right now. So it's just a pencil sketch. That got a little sad, and I like it. Yeah. So you're all in this park just vibing. There is a fifth person in this park. A small little Colin mouse boy. And as you guys have all grown up, and maybe you all look a little different, maybe you look slightly similar, Colin looks almost exactly the same as he did when he was eight. He is still about two feet tall. You see some of the ferrets are as tall, if not a little shorter than Colin. How tall does a ferret get to be? Everyone's shaking their heads at me. I'm shaking my head at Colin. Is he like a mouse? Does he have mouse-like features? Yeah, he's got whiskers and big ears, and the rest of him is human. Did we not notice this last time around? Yeah, no. I said it. We did all miss this. I look at Colin like... Am I the only one that knew Colin was a mouse, then? Colin addressed it. Yeah. We talked about his family. I thought it was like a funny, like, oh, look at this little mouse boy. Yeah. I thought it was just like a cute little mouse. A cute little mouse boy. Colin. Have you been so small? Colin looks up at you and goes... Yeah? Did you ever get any bigger, Colin? I hope so. But no. Is he like... I just need to get a picture in my head now, because my world's been thoroughly rocked. Is he like a mouse that's been largened, or is he like a Zootopia mouse? So, what I want you to think of... I want you to think of like a little boy. Think of like a little boy that a witch cast... Think of an anamorph. That a witch cast a spell. That's not how anamorphs work. Or something that a witch cast a spell, turning him into a mouse. But it only got like 7% to 12% of the way before the spell was interrupted. So not quite Stuart Little. I'm picturing Chicken Little, but mouse. Well, Stuart Little, but like actual book-accurate Stuart Little, where it's just a person... Stuart Little where he's got like actual just grotesque features in the original ones, and not the ones where he's just a real mouse. Don't point at yourself, Ellen. You don't. The anamorph in the middle of the cover. I get you. I'm picturing Chicken Little. Yeah, but Chicken Little, like the... Yeah, but mouse. The height of Chicken Little, but mouse. Okay. So Stuart Little... How many episodes do you guys think you can get through? Yes. How many episodes do you think we can release before we start to see like R34 Colin? Oh, no. I mean, that's all I'm saying. I am already on a phone call. I am on a phone call. Zero. Yeah, then that's done. Alright. Yeah, now I'm just kind of puzzled. Because now I'm like thinking about Colin, and I'm like, Colin, do you have any plans after this? Yeah. Plans. I'm going to go home and then go to school tomorrow. No, no. No, after that. Yeah, like we're almost done. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go do what all my family members do once they graduate high school. Which is what? Oh, burrow myself underground and live in the caves. What do you do in the caves? Yeah, what's up in the caves? I don't know. Everyone just always, you know, does that. Have you ever thought of doing something else? Yeah. I debated being a wizard, but I don't know how to do magic. And also, I really like caves. Okay. Well, you could be like a cave wizard. You see Colin's eyes grow giant. Cave wizard. I'm sure those exist. Cave wizard. Colin pulls out a small book and starts making notes. If we're talking career paths, there's a story my parents always told me growing up about a rat or a mouse man who was so good at making food. You know, he would just put his hands on people's heads. They would just make the best food in the world. And I feel like that's a good career path that we could explore for you as well. My uncle Vinnie used to do that. He would just put his hands on people's heads, but people didn't like it very much. Yeah. They did not cook that food. No, no. Whenever he did it, people would actually make food that was a little worse. Well, I guess. Yeah. But, so, yeah, we're all doing stuff after school, so it's all good. Yeah, we've never really talked about what you're going to do. Yeah. Colin, I didn't even clock much about you until just now. And we've known each other for, like, 10 years. We flashback to, like, three years ago. It was, like, a big, like, water flood that ravaged the city. And you guys all had these hijinks where you're on, like, a flotation device on the streets, like, going down it. And you're all, like, you all take a moment and breathe because you're safe, and Colin fell off and just nobody notices. And he had to walk back for, like, a month to get back to the city. Oh, my God. I feel like I would have noticed, but y'all wouldn't have slowed down. Because I'd have to call him the first day I got here. I feel like you would have said something and we would have just, like, oh, yeah, that Colin, he's around, isn't he? Oh, Colin and me, knee-slap. That Colin. Serafina knows Colin better than any of us. Yeah, no, I'm, like, perplexed. I'm, like, what are you, burrow? Yeah. Remember we talked about it that night that we all snuck into the library? Yeah. But, yeah, I guess so, huh? I guess I just thought you were really good at digging. I don't know why. Well, he is. He's really good at digging. You did get us into the library, but... No, we picked a lock. Doran did that. Yeah. Oh, well, of course I remember that. I just don't remember hearing anything about you going to live underground. Am I the weird one? Surely... No, no. Idaho, you have to be doing something weirder. You're an adventurer. That could involve digging. I think it will involve lots of digging. And, you know, I'll be going up mountains. I'll be going across... I'll be going into mighty crevices and caves to... Colin, you're looking at me funny. I don't know why you're laughing at that. This is a livestream for a long time. I don't know. So are you also going to be a cave person? Honestly, Colin, pretty weird for you to make fun of him when you're going to go live. Yeah, come on, Colin. Fuck you, man. This is why I don't hang out with you. This is why I don't talk to you. Colin. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Colin. I just want you to do this more. No, I just... We're sorry, I guess. It's just, like, what I know about you. It's fine. It's been five years. That's all I'm saying. We've all had our own things going on, you know. But with school ending, I just thought, you know, I'm going to be heading out of here pretty soon. I just, like, want to make sure I know what everyone's doing to keep in contact. I'm glad. It's nice. Well, you can address your letters to Colin. Yeah, just whisper into the earth and I might hear you. Will you be burrowing nearby? I don't really know. People only ever come back once they're done burrowing. Have they told you what it's like? Do they talk about it? No. Nobody talks about it. You want to go check it out? Does that concern you at all? No. Okay. Cool. Yeah. I like taking it to the side. Has anyone met Colin's family? No. I shake my head. I think it dawns on you all that you've never heard a last name that Colin has. No. You know, he's saying that all of his family burrows. What's the lifespan of people that burrow? Do they all just burrow indefinitely? Most of them. They're called Mousen. Mousen. Sorry. I'm not from here. Right? Most of them, they're called Mousen. You were so confident. And that's world building, folks. A collaborative effort. By the way, Margaret, ever since Colin called you my liege, he's been eyeing you very suspiciously. I'm, like, nervous about it. My scar is throbbing. That's so weird. I will add, Serafina, you know Colin has referred to Margaret as my liege for years now. I feel like ever since those first couple of flowers, Colin's just idolized Margaret. And I mean, he's never looked sickly or anything. He's probably got a long time left. Colin. Is your family, how do I put this? Listen, guys, we're all spending far too much time on me. No, no. More time than anyone has spent on me. Colin, I haven't paid attention to you for five years. I'm going to make it up right now. Are they like you? Are they like us? Or are they like. Well, I think we're all the same. Yeah. Can I search my mind for any knowledge of Colin's species? Yeah, give me a history check with disadvantage. Wait, is that our first roll? Did we just spend, like. It's 934. That's a, you said disadvantage? Just to be clear, the question I was trying to ask Colin is, like, do we know anything about his, like, is he. Is Mouseman a thing? Is he. I can't find it in my book. Human that got mouse, mouse that got human, or is this like a different species? You guys. There's a whole lineage of underground mouse people. This is what his family's been doing for thousands of years. You guys have always known Colin. That's what I'm saying. You guys have known Colin. When he turns 18 he becomes a mouse again. And the witch is complete. And he can't talk to his family. Or at least you know of the mouse people that live at the edge of town. People have always talked about the mouse people. Maybe you've never seen Colin's parents. But adults talk about them. So you can presume that, like, yeah, it's a thing that is true. What are their names? The mouse parents' names? Yeah. Mickey and Minnie? Geronimo? Geronimo, nice. Dude, Geronimo's a deep cut. And America Ferreira. America Ferreira. Last name Mouse. It's like a hyphenated last name. It's like, you know, she didn't want to abandon her. That's her first name. Oh, sorry. America Ferreira. America Ferreira. Last name Mouse. Well, Colin, I would love to know more about your society. I'm like, can you take us to visit your tiny territory? Out of character, Christian, I don't know. I'm trying to move it along. But I don't know what direction to move it along. Yeah, I don't know what the direction here is. We are ruining Christian's day. Colin goes, ah, well, again, I don't really know until I turn, or until I graduate. And then, like everyone in my family, I get to find out. So, no, but I was thinking we could pull a prank on the school. That's a very good idea. It is kind of coming down to its end, huh? That sounds to me. But I don't have any ideas for pranks because I've been so busy working on my digging. Understandable. Maybe we could use it, the digging, to your advantage. A little prank, all right. A little prank, yeah. What level of prank are we thinking here? Is it something that's going to be disastrous, really funny? What are we all feeling? I don't really care. I'll do whatever. Really? I thought you loved pranks. Yeah, you're all about pranks and goofs and gaffs. I kind of still do, but not so much anymore. When I was a kid, maybe. Okay. I thought you'd be more excited about it, didn't you? Now, what are you, an adult? Colin hides a little after he says that. I'm staying with Colin now. I'm going to put him in my pocket. I don't care. That is a threat. Threat? I actually think this would be a really great way for you to let out some of your bad kids theme a little bit. Have a fun little safe prank for everyone. Everyone loves that. Wouldn't that be a good way to let out some of the stuff you've got going on there? You do have a little stuff going on. That's like the most shit-eating smile. I'm not. I say it genuinely. I'm like, I have noticed you have gotten a little stuff going on. I told you, I'll do whatever you want. Okay. Okay. Okay, so we need something that will involve Doran doing whatever we want. Yeah. It shouldn't be too hard. I like this. This is a good prank already. I'm going to note that I've just finished scratching my initials into the swing set. Were they really deep, or do you have more initials than we thought you did? Oh, no, no. I'm working through some issues. These initials are carved into my soul. Please tell me he says that out loud. He does. He does. I mean, we could do a classic, like, throw a stink bomb down the hallway, fill everyone's lockers with balloons. I mean, something like that, or we could flood the school or burrow underneath it with Colin's help and have it collapse in on itself. Like, what level are we thinking it is? I don't know that we should destroy the school. I'm just trying to figure out what we're all comfortable with and what level we're going to be working at, you know? As we're thinking about this, I kind of cast my eyes around the park, and I notice the sheer amount of destroyed grass and plant life that's gone because of the ferret infestation. I wonder, if we took these here and moved them, would that be funny? Would that be funny? The bushes? Like, put the ferrets in the school. Let's fill the school with ferrets. I could gather all of them. I think I know where the... I'm going to whistle, and I'm going to attempt to get as many ferrets in the nearby, just in the nearby area around to come to me. Give me an animal handling check. I did raise them, so hopefully they'll... Hopefully. There are 16 in animal handling, which is a 12 plus 4. Okay, 12 plus 4 is 16. Yeah, you whistle. These ferrets, they've been trained. Some of the younger ones are stragglers because they're still new, but the ferrets all run over, and you have this army of ferrets in front of you. I'm going to get a... Who would know this the best? Doran and Serafina, can you guys give me a history check to remember something? History or Arcana. Yeah. The great ferrets. Okay, so that is a 2, and I don't think I have much for intelligence, so it's still a 1. Okay, so let's call that a 1. You are just so excited about the ferret plan that I don't think you remember this thing that I'm trying to do. I really did like the ferret plan. I was trying to play it cool, but I liked the ferret plan. I got a 15, but I added everything into Roll20, and I fully built her on D&D Beyond, so she'd have proficiency in history. I don't know how to translate that. Sure, a 17. Okay. With a 17, Serafina, you remember from one of the little heist things that you and Doran did, there was a scroll of duplicate, and you would know that that went to one of the general department stores. That's where it was? Yeah, that's where it was. The town whips ass. They're selling scrolls of duplication in the general department store? Well, it's a high-end item, but yeah. I can tell these guys what to do, but I don't know how many more I could really get. For context, how many ferrets are now around me? I think two adult ferrets, and I'm going to say, do you want to roll 2d4 for me? Sure. Five. So, five baby ferrets. You have seven ferrets in the family. Well, we could always duplicate them. Duplicate them? How would we do that? Oh, at the general store, we could get a scroll of duplication, and we could just duplicate a bunch of the ferrets. And just duplicate as many as we want? Do you get any money? No. Maybe perhaps we could... Do you have any money? Maybe perhaps we could steal it? Just hearing it, just hear me out. We could either pool all of our money together, or we could maybe borrow it, I think is a better way to put it. We could give it back, or sell it back to the store. I don't know how entrepreneurial we're being today. Reach in my pocket and pull out one copper. I don't think pulling is an option. I don't know how much money the rest of y'all have. So, maybe it is. I'm not sure. Doran heaves a big sigh, and pulls out two silver coins. Aren't you also rich? I'm super rich. Which is also bad. But I don't... I use the money I steal. I feel like I steal... That's the point. I don't really want to rely on my craft money. I mean, we could go to the store right now. Yeah, why not? And as you guys head out of this park, not seven ferrets in tow, the five of you walking on over, you guys get to the general store. It's kind of later in the day, and the store is closed, but as you look inside, you do see the scroll in there for 50 gold pieces. Is the general store on the map? No. Okay. You can see it, Helen, in various other buildings. Yeah, it's one of the various other buildings. Obviously, we don't have the money for this scroll. What do you want to do about it? New plan? Now, I think, team, this is a great moral lesson for all of us. We really tried, but I think that seven ferrets makes a pretty good prank on itself. Makes a pretty good prank on its own. I could try and pipe it, guys. I think out of everyone, you'd probably be the most capable of doing that. Yeah. Let's have this conversation away from the scroll, though, so they're not... Let's move away, and then we'll... Agreed. Let's move significantly away from it. Not just four people looking at this, then it goes missing. Four high schoolers standing outside the general store looking in at a scroll. If you... Actually, before we go away, can I just take a look at what kind of security the... No, it has none. None? You are a high schooler who's gotten up to hijinks. There's no security that that store would have, other than the fact that it's a general store with a door. I guess a door is the security that this building has. Locked? Is there a person in the building inside of the scroll? You don't see someone in the building through the glass, but the door is locked. Is Colin with us? Yeah, Colin's with you guys. We're not making Colin do our dirty work. Do some dirty work. No! Well, that means I gotta pick a lock. Yeah, but you kind of already have a reputation about yourself in town. What if I can make you look not like yourself, and if there are any passers-by, they won't actually know it's you? Because, I mean, I don't want you to get into any more trouble than you already are. There are a couple people that will walk by from time to time. Yeah. Can you make me look like the general store owner? Would I know what he looks like? Yeah, it's... Gary. Jerry Null. Denny Store. Gary the General Store Owner. It's General Store. It's a small town. It's General Store, dang it! I can't squint until the second after you. He used to be a lieutenant. Full Army. But it's a small town. We'd know what the store owner would look like, yeah? Yeah, General Store. He wears Army slacks. He carries a spear with him. Is he a nice guy? This is really gonna... No. Was he actually in the Army? No, he wasn't in the Army, but he... He's one of those guys. He's got a really big wagon, that's like, you know, a little too big. Yeah, let's steal this motherfucking troll. I also just realized, I can't make you look like somebody else. I can make me look like somebody else. Can you pick a lock? I can certainly try. Why don't you look like Doran? I'll look like Doran, but then we'll put Doran somewhere else. So that... Is that an alibi? I'm gonna try and go into stealth and pick a lock. I think that's a really good idea, yeah. I was just trying to help. All right, Doran. I'm not gonna have you give me a stealth check. Just give me a slight of hand check and how well that does, kind of. If that does really poorly, maybe someone will see you. Fourteen. All right. Would you, at this point, have a lockpick kit? Oh, sure. Okay. It might be something I scrounged, like, made of bobby pins and stuff, but it absolutely has to be. Okay, then with that, you, a fourteen with a little lockpick kit as you're putting it in, you're looking around. Is everyone else... What's everyone else doing? Are you guys keeping watch or are you just all hiding out of the way? Seraphine is keeping watch, like, ready to make a distraction if need be, if somebody comes by, or, like, talk up a local. Okay. I'm carrying seven ferrets. I'm standing guard, as well. Different street. Okay, so you guys are kind of standing guard on either side of this building and also carrying seven ferrets. With a fourteen, that's not enough to get it just outright, so it takes you a minute, and as you're going for a minute, you guys, the watchers, notice somebody walking by, and that person is going to be bartender, the local bartender. Now, he hasn't seen anything yet when you guys see him. Like, he's distracted by looking at a mug of beer in his hand. I can't do it when you're a bartender. He's in the middle of the street. The garage never ends. Hey, Christian, what's the drinking age in this town? Somebody roll a d20, and that's going to be what the drinking age in this town is. It's based off medieval Europe. You want to roll with advantage? Because I've been around liquor my entire fucking life. I don't, I honestly don't know Do you want to roll with advantage to make it higher? I just rolled an 18. No disadvantage. Okay, so the drinking age, thank you, Doris, the drinking age is 18, but I will say, Serafina, you do know this person, and you're all too young to drink. Okay. Oh, I'm walking all from my home to the bar with the glass of ale that I walk with not very far. I'm singing a song, and I'm approaching the general store. I get to panic because I see a bar. Bar, have you seen, have you seen my, I have a missing guy. I have a missing guy. You have a missing guy. Hey, look, I have seven guys. I'm missing one. I, I'm being, Give me a performance or persuasion or just give me something. Get at it. While picking the lock, Dorin shakes his head in shame. I'd also like to be talking to the bar. Sure, you also pop out. Bar, you know, I've been thinking we're going to graduate soon, and I was really hoping to get a job at the bar. I know that, you know, my dad, and I felt it would be kind of fitting. Like, you've seen me grow up. I think I'd be great there. Yeah, sure, whatever. That's easy. Sorry, you're missing a guy? You only have seven ferret? There should be an eighth ferret? Yeah, I'm missing, missing a little, little dim-dom. Little dim- Little dim-dom. He's missing, he went that way, and I put, like, the complete opposite direction from the general store. Okay, yeah, I'll help you find the ferret. Bar goes to take your hand. Oh, yeah, you're hired, Serafina. That's, that's super chill. That's amazing, thank you. Yeah, takes your hand and goes, let's go find this ferret, and starts leading you and the seven other ferrets off in the direction you were pointing. I'm sweating right now. I've never done anything like this. I'm freaking the fuck out. I need help. This guy's cool as hell. If you guys disappear, Doran, you get into the general store. It's unlocked. Hustle over and grab the scroll. Sweet, so you just grab the scroll, scroll and run it right out? That's right. You close the door behind you. You guys are all outside, and the three of you, four of you have a moment together to talk. Serafina, congrats. You got a job. Thanks. That's so great. Thanks. I was just trying to distract him mostly, but that's also really good. You got it, though. That's amazing. Did you find your ferret? You're really missing a ferret, Mordred. Mordred's not back yet. Yeah, Mordred's out there. Mordred's gone. Right. Can, would I know anything about this scroll specifically? I will let... Like, looking at it now. You do a roll with advantage, or the three of you all do a roll? How do y'all feel? What roll would this be? Arcana? I got a minus two to every intelligence, so Arcana. I have a plus one to intelligence. I've got plus one to Arcana. Okay, all three of you roll, is really, I think, where this is going, so I'm going to speed that up. I've got a plus one to intelligence. Dirty 20. Dirty, grimy 20. Dirty, stinky, icky, yucky 20. To either of you two, either B to 20? I got a three. I do not. I got a three. Having it in my hand is different than just, like, seeing it from the window. Give me a second to read the fine print. Yeah, you're reading that this will duplicate, essentially, objects and or creatures in a small foot-by-foot cube. Um... Oh! Somebody starts stacking ferrets. I got so violent. And or creatures in a foot-by-foot cube. For one hour, it will duplicate the items, and then they'll disappear, and it is consumed on use. Okay, so we can have 14 ferrets. Guys, if we, like, really compress Colin... He's not that small. He's two feet. If he crouches... If he curled into a ball, he absolutely would. You're saying instead of 14 ferrets, we just have two Collins running around the school. And as many ferrets as he can carry. Colin goes, Seraphina, can you disguise yourself to look like me? So we'll have three Collins. So we could have... I feel like 14 ferrets is going to cause so much more havoc than three Collins. Colin, do you want this? I don't want to clone you without talking to you first. It's a real human more mouth than right. I don't know. He's fine with it, guys. I'm good with it. I think. At this moment, Mordred, you come on by. You return. How did you shake a bartender? I, as soon as we went to the next room, I went, Oh! Dimmadome is my inside ferret. He lives inside. Does it live outside? That would be silly. That's where... That's where Timmy and Tommy and Sprinkles and... Do you know the rest? I know the rest. You've talked to me about your ferrets many times. Yeah, you're probably late for work now. Oh, shoot! I'm late for work. And my drink is empty. I've got to go back and fill it up. Well, what time is it? Well, it was lovely seeing you. 8 p.m.? Okay, it's late. Okay. All right. Good luck. And may your ferrets be friends. Yeah. And I scurry off. And he walks back to get his drink. And you're with the group. Woo! I feel bad. I've never lied like that before. I don't like that at all. No? We're recloning... We're... Duping... These little guys? Yeah, I guess that's the plan. Yeah. Wait, are we just gonna... Are we not considering duplicating Colin anymore? Because I like that. Oh, yeah, Mordred, you missed it. We're gonna copy Colin? Yes. If he scrunches up into a little ball, he'll fit in. He'll fit in. But they... Who knows who Colin is? That is very... What did you say? Sorry. I don't want to... I don't want to get him expelled. Right. Sorry. He was going to hide into his burrow a little earlier. Unexpected. Colin is... We'd be fast-tracking his dreams and hopes and ambitions. Colin, you're gonna not have a school diploma. Is that okay? I don't want to get expelled. No, wait a minute. That's not a fast-track. I don't think I'd ever get to go into tunnels. But, Colin, here's what we'll do. It will have Seraphina disguised as you, and that way you have an alibi. I don't want to get a bow kicked out of school. What am I going to do with a school? There'll be three Collins. And one of them is being... I think... I think we're boiling down to the ferrets. I think... Yeah. The ferrets. We're making 14 ferrets. Let's start stacking ferrets in a one-by-one cube. All right. All right. You all begin stacking the seven ferrets into a one-by-one cube. The ferrets, Loose and Limber, are able to Tetris their bodies into shapes that intertwine, like one of those puzzles where you have to recreate a square cube out of smaller weird shapes. But instead of that, they're ferrets. Sorry. That's a disturbing image I have in my head. The ferrets in the cube. Do you cast the spell? Wait. Aren't we doing this before school? Oh, yeah. This only lasts like an hour, right? We should have waited. The ferrets fall out of the cube. We were just checking to make sure that they all fit. That's all. The ferrets and a little extra space. I feel like we've probably got a little bit more time tonight. We can settle on a plan, get anything we need, and then meet early before school tomorrow? Yeah. Does that sound all right? Should we put anything else in the space? Like, what would be good to have cloned? I mean, since we did try it, is there space in the one-on-one? Yeah. There's not a ton of space, but there's a little bit of space to put. You could put, like, a couple of papers, some coins. You could put stuff of that size. Maybe a shoe. What about something that would entice the ferrets to, like, continue to run around, like a mouse in a maze? Yeah. Sorry. Don't worry about it, Colin. But something like food or treats that we could sprinkle around the school to make sure that the ferrets aren't just, like, sitting in a pile in the school, especially running around, causing havoc. Aren't they going to eat it, though, if they're in the box with them? Sorry, what? If we put three colas in the maze. But if we put the food in the box with the ferrets, they'll eat it. This is like you have to... You can't put the wolf in the box with the chicken, or the chicken with... You have to take... To cast the spell, I think they'll be fine and not able to maneuver their mouth towards the food. You know? I think Colin could take a ferret. I think we should give the ferrets... I think we should maybe... So, hear me out. I can pretty reasonably command these little guys. Yeah. But maybe we should give them, like, something they can cause trouble with, like a big... Like a spink bomb or something. Spink bomb. What if we put paint on the bottom of their feet as well? And made them, like, tramp around the pool? Yeah. It's too bad we can't afford paint, right, Seraphine? Oh, no! We are right beside the general store. The general store is still unlocked, actually. Yeah. Dorian could just sneak in. But I like the spink bomb thing. It's furry, it's stinky, and they make a mess. I think that's... I'm sorry for the custodians, but it's hilarious. Sorry. That's the caption for the art you're going to draw. Oh, for the R34? Oh, it's a scat art. Okay, good to know. The podcast title. I knew it wouldn't take long to get into R34. Scat art. Scrat. Okay. Does anybody know how to make spink bombs? I feel like it can't be hard to make. I can blow up a dog turd. I think that would be pretty good. I'm no chemist. Sorry, alchemist. I feel like making a dog turd explode is pretty gnarly. And it could work. Is there any blasting powder in the general store? There's a little blasting powder in the general store. I'm going to go back in and get the blasting powder. All right, you just quickly jump back in, grab the blasting powder, and jump back out. And I think you are successful. And you guys will all head home for the night. Do you meet up before school in the morning? Is this supposed to go off during school? Yeah. I think so, yeah. So you guys all head back home to your families. And head back out to school in the morning, you know, all of you greeting your families in whatever way, saying bye to the gardeners or siblings or parents who are working. And you all get to school without any issues where you're all meeting up outside with the exception of one person. Mordred, you're stopped outside of school by the druid. The druid jumps out of a pile of leaves and goes, Hey! Hey! Are you ready for your last week of classes? Yeah, I'm so ready. I know I can be a good druid. And it's going to be so good. I've been learning about all these scorpions. Like, look, look, and I'm going to pull up a book, and I'm going to flip to a section just of scorpions, and it's going to be annotated everywhere with, like, little sticky notes. And this one stings you when you light on fire? Apparently. Cool. Magic scorpions. Love it. Yeah, tons of those. You'll get so much experience when we go to the druidic sanctum or temple or whatever I said. I just need to check with you. How many students are in your school? Well, there's me, and there's Idaho, and there's Colin, and there's Doran, and there's Seraphina. Okay, perfect. Things aren't going great for me right now. There's been some issues. Don't worry about them too much. But you're going to take me, right? Yeah, yeah, that's the plan. But if something weird happens at your school today, it's not my fault. Oh! If something weird happens at our school, it's not our fault either. I think we might have a similar ---- Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, we're on the same page. All right, good. We're both not doing anything. Neither of our faults. And it's really neither of our faults if something goes ---- No. I didn't know you had a thing too. I didn't know you had a thing. That's cool. Yeah, if it burns down or explodes, it's not on us. Or stinky! Or stinky, yes! And, you know, anything. If there's a murder, you know, it's not on us. And he's going to start, like, fading back into the leaves. I slowly get my eyes widen. I slowly am like, oh. Okay, and with that, you're off to school! Yeah. Yeah, so the four of you and Colin are there. I don't really want to expose Sprinkles to that. Well, what did I make all these dog turd bombs for? Well, we can clone his two hands. Not that I want Colin to die, but. I thought we should have cloned Colin. Well, we can clone the ferrets and then have the cloned ferrets go in. I know it's only seven ferrets, but. That's still better than zero ferrets. Let's send the ferrets in. Let's see what happens. We'll send the two. They're not real. Yeah, we'll send the seven. Okay. Here's what we'll do. And then, uh, I think we should maybe, yeah, put a pile of ferrets onto the block. And with that, I think Serafina shows up. Hi, sorry. Hope had a fit. She didn't want to eat her oatmeal this morning. Once Serafina unmutes her mic, Serafina shows up. Hi. Sorry, guys. Serafina, oh, my God, I'm so frazzled this morning. Hope really didn't want to eat her oatmeal, and she threw it all around the house, and I had to clean it up because otherwise the rats were going to eat it, so. Sorry I'm late. Hi. Hi. So, the school might blow up, but it's no one's fault. But why is the school going to blow up? And if we want to maybe hearken back to her youth, maybe a little leaf man might be up to some little bit of havoc, but not that anybody has to concern themselves about. Sorry. Why did not he concern himself with anything? Well, we don't know for sure if he's going to blow up the school or not. Well, you're the one who said he was going to blow up the school. He said it might happen. Lots of things might happen. That guy's so sketchy. Why? Why is he going to blow up the school? I don't know. He just said he was also maybe had the senior prank. I think it might be different because he's elderly, so the senior is different for him. Is he going to die? Is that what he said? I don't know, but he's going to do something with the school. Is the portal still in the shed? Yeah. You guys would – maybe you've messed with it a couple times. You would know that the portal is still there and that no major changes to it. Okay. So currently the plan is to send just the cloned little guys and not the real ones because I don't want these guys getting hurt. So we're going to have seven ferrets. Seven ferrets. Well. I made 14 turd bombs. Two per ferret? Each ferret has two. I thought we were going to have 14. I did as well. I'm a little disappointed. If we fit those turd bombs in, we can have 28. That could be good. That could be good. We could throw them from outside as well. I think it's great. It's a very compostable prank. It'll be gone the next day. There won't be any harm caused to anyone, and everyone's really happy at the end. What a great, wholesome prank for everyone. Okay. I still have 14 turd bombs behind my back. Yes. What are we doing with these guys? I start loading up the ferrets. Duplicate and distribute. I start loading up the ferrets. Let's cube these ferrets. I load them up. The ferrets line up and start marching forward. Take two stick bombs and keep walking. Duplicate and distribute. Yes. Before they get duplicated, I want to cast the spell Beast Bond. Okay. You do what? Magic. Now I have a mental link with Sprinkles, and I'm just going to let him know what the plan is. You're going to go in there. You're going to throw some stick bombs, but not you. The version of you that's going to get cloned, which I assume is going to clone your memories. Understood is what you would hear, but instead what you see is a little ferret nod and go, Yeah, and then I tell him I love him. Okay, cool. And then I give the thumbs up to get him cloned. He gives the thumbs up, turns to his soldiers, and goes, Is there like a full army troop platoon? Yeah, so as the speech goes, and the ferrets are all very pumped, and you hear a little, It's like they all raise their hands like an eighth of an inch in victory, and the ferrets pile into their box shape ready for deployment. Okay. Y'all salute them? And then duplicate them. All right. You ready? Who casts the duplicate spell? Me? Yeah, I do. So Athena, you read what you've read before, but this time in the magic language that it's written in, and as you do this, the spell kind of like shatters the scroll that you're holding, and it dissipates as this box full of ferrets is duplicated next to it as a second box full of ferrets, and the two ferret lines look at each other. There's a short nod, and the one line of ferrets, the real one, the one that was originally there, walks towards the second line and takes their bags of poop and puts them on the second line's bags of poop, loading up the ferrets with four bags of poop each, and the ferrets take off into the building. These bags of poop also do have a bit of blasting powder at the center, so they're not so much bags of poop as bags of poop. No, I was not communicated that. I did not tell them that. I told them from the general store last night. I said I could make turd bombs. Those are not real. The ferrets that are going to throw them. You guys hear a bang come from inside the building, followed by progressively more and more bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. There's one open window that you see poop fly out of. I tell the real ferrets, I go, scatter. I salute the exploding school. All the windows you can no longer see through because they're covered in a layer of excrement. The bombs bursting in air. We sure got Ms. Fairburn. I am staring in awe and joy at the mess we have made. Yeah, how does Ms. Fairburn react to all of this? You guys hear screaming coming from inside of, Oh my god, what's going on? Ah, ah, ah! And then you guys hear one last really big boom, and smoke builds the place and then like pours out the door and the window, and it comes like towards you guys and in all directions, and as it hits you, you smell the monstrosity that you have released, and as the smoke begins to dissipate and clear, you guys see where the school used to be. A giant ferret holding the teacher in its hands. Ms. Fairburn being held in a ferret's paws, this ferret standing at like 15 feet tall, and two smaller ferrets next to it on the roof, each about 6 feet tall. These ferrets, you would realize Mordred, do not look like your ferrets, but monstrosities. Their hair all like spiked, they look like they've been living out of the garbage for weeks, and they start screaming in a way that ferrets can, I guess. And Mordred, your beast bond is active with both versions of Sprinkles, probably? Yes. With the clone and the real one, yeah. And you feel the clone's emotions of panic, as it's like trying to just get everybody out of the building at this point. And the two smaller ferrets look around, and then they just like run at stuff, and they just start destroying stuff, causing havoc. What do you guys do to react to all of this? I preemptively scratch my face and pull up my sword. Mordred, what did you tell your ferrets? Do you think that's mine? And I point at the huge ferret. Who else do I know has ferrets, Mordred? Nothing that big. I'm going to try to use my bond. I don't... I didn't do that, I promise! I don't have any... I believe you. I believe you, I just... I had to ask. I look down at Cullen and gesture towards the ferret. Could have been you. I'm really glad we didn't use Cullen. And with that line, I think I'm going to have everybody roll initiative. Three. Fifteen, no, fourteen. I'd say twelve initiative. Seventeen. Okay, so, as you guys are reacting to this big smoke, this awful poop-smelling area just surrounding this building, you see one of the smaller ferrets that's run off, the one that's run off towards the various other buildings, starts destroying one of the buildings in which there are people, and just absolutely starts, like, crushing through stuff, ripping with their teeth, and using their ferret-like lankiness to just kind of slip in and out of doorways and buildings and just making stuff fly. With that, Sam, you are the first to act. So, what do you do, Doran? Is there any cover nearby? Yeah. The roof of the school building has flown off next to you guys. Okay. I'm going to try and enter stealth. As a bonus action. So, I'm going to duck behind the cover and go into stealth. And there's my roll. Twenty-five. Okay. So, you disappear, basically, from the battlefield. I am going to use my action to throw my dagger at the largest ferret's eye. Hell yeah, you take it out. You go to throw it at the big, can I have an attack roll from you? Thirteen. You throw the dagger. It hits the ferret. It misses his eye barely. How much damage? Will be six damage. Six? It goes into his fur and it pierces through his fur into his little ferret-y ribcage, and a little ferret blood comes out. But it's still waving around your t-shirt in its hands. Perfect. After your turn is Helen. Yeah. Can I talk to Miss Fairburn as she's in the ferret's back? Sure. So, Miss Fairburn's got her hands flailing around and she's screaming, Help me! Help me! What do you say? Probably, Miss Fairburn, are you okay? No, I'm not! The giant ferret has me! I'm going to cast Vicious Mockery at this ferret and go, Put her down! Put her down! Bad ferret! Bad ferret! Okay, I like it. Yeah. What happens with Vicious Mockery? How does that work? Yeah. The target must succeed on the Wisdom saving throw or take 1d4 psychic damage and have disadvantage on the next attack roll it makes. Okay. This giant ferret fails the Wisdom saving throw. That's going to be three psychic damage and then disadvantage on the next roll. Sweet. So you say, Down, down, and he almost drops Miss Fairburn before kind of recovering and being like, Ferret! Ferret! Ferret! You see you have enraged this ferret to the point where the ferret is confused and doesn't fully know what it's doing. With that, that takes us over to Idaho. Mostly because this change, if it's big enough, I want to AT-AT topple it. But I think it's not big enough for that. To be honest, I think if you were small enough, you could AT-AT topple me. I'm going to, because my sword is not, I don't have a sword. So I'm going to take out my rope. And I'm going to, hopefully if I have enough movement, make a circle around the ferret. Okay, so what I'm going to have you do for me to see if this is successful or not is give me a Constitution saving throw. As you're running into this cloud of feces... Oh, Christian, great news. What? That's the one I have. I should have... That is a 4 plus 6 for 10. Okay, okay, that's not bad. So you run in, you start coughing and stuff, and the various poop smoke is kind of blinding to your eyes, but you manage to get some rope around the ferret's admittedly small legs compared to its big furry body. But now you need the ferret to move, is the second half of this. I have my rope at the ready. Hell yeah. That's sick. You do that. You've got the giant ferret grappled. You guys hear the other ferret piling into the inn, and you hear the sound of screams from within the inn, and you hear the sound of a glass being smashed. That then brings us to the big ferret. Roar! Or whatever noise a giant ferret would make. As it goes to... I'm going to say it's going to try to smash Idaho with the teacher it's holding. So it's going to make an attack roll against you. That's a 10 to hit you. I have a 12 right now. Perfect. Yeah, so it goes to slam into you, and it hits your fake little wooden shield. I parry the teacher. You parry the teacher? Misfirebird does take some damage, and in this guy's rage, he's then going to go to bite you and make his second attack against you. The second one, he rolled a 3. So he goes to bite you again, and again locks his teeth on your shield. And this little ferret, whose mouth isn't very big, I imagine. Anyway, so the giant ferret does not succeed, and that does bring us to Mordred. Is there, like, wood? Is there, like, wooden planks or, like, a big stick around? Yes, there's tons of wooden planks and or big, like, pieces of the school. I want to grab a piece of the school that's made of wood, and I hold it. Would you count that as a club? Yes. Okay. I want to attempt to use my cantrip, Shalala, and now I can use it as, like, a weapon with wisdom instead of strength. Okay, sick, yeah. How does that, like, manifest when you do that? So it shines green now. This, like, wooden plank from the school with, like, a rusty nail on the one side. And the weapon's damage becomes a d8. Oh, sick. Oh, that's awesome, actually. So I want to take it, and then my plan is to hit it on its toe so it goes, yeowch! And then because it's... And it goes to lift its leg and falls over. Yeah, and then because it's roped up, it falls over. All right, so you run up to it. I'm going to have you give me a constitution saving throw as well as you run into the poop fog. I did not consider that. I just want to say, Doran takes a second to look down at his other dagger and feel inadequate. I got a 14 on the con save. Okay, with your con save, you make it through. Yeah, make an attack roll against this guy's foot. Cool. I've got a nat 20. I got a nat 20. So I hit. Describe to me what happens. I get the idea that I didn't even notice that there's a nail sticking out, so I just put the nail right into its toe. It lets out a really loud, yeowch! And then the toe goes, ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum. And because you got a natural 20, I'm not going to make it roll against the grapple. I'm going to say that just works. As it goes to lift its foot, Idaho, you feel it tug on the rope as it gets caught and then falls down, slamming itself into the ground. Carlos, roll. 2d8. I got a 7. 7 plus. Oh, yeah, plus 2. You do 9 more damage to it, and then I'm going to say you do an additional 5 damage as it falls over and slams into the ground, the two of you. As he falls to the ground, Ms. Farburn gets dropped out because he's only now focused on the fact that all of y'all have hogtied him and hurt him really bad, and the ferret starts going, da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da. And with that, that does bring us back up to your turn, Doran. You see that he's fallen prone, as they would say in D&D, and is grappled and is in pain. Okay, so I'm still behind my cover, so I am just going to go up in stealth and sneak attack. I'm going to go for the throat. I'm going to try and hit a jugular with my other knife. Hell, yeah. You look and leave. You can definitely try to hit the jugular of this ferret. I look in horror. I mean, look, Doran's not fucking around. Like, there's a giant ferret that just exploded our school. Awesome. All right, yeah, so you're going to go for the jugular. Give me an attack roll with advantage. Take the best of two. It's a 20, but not now. Okay, perfect. Yeah, that hits this ferret that's fallen over. Now, you don't need too much damage to kill it, so roll for damage and tell me how much it is. And if you do five or more damage, you've emptied this ferret. Do you want to describe how the ferret dies? Oh, enormous gouts of blood cover Doran. This is what's happening. I went straight for the jugular, and it was successful. As you come down on the ferret, blood's splurting up into the air. Yeah, Doran, everybody, you killed this ferret. You still hear the noises of two other ferrets scrounging around town, but Miss Farber brings herself back up and goes, oh, thank you. Thank you. There's more of them, the monsters, the terrible ferrets. Are you okay, Miss Farber? Yeah. I'm an elemental. I'm tough as hell. Miss Farber, how did you let this happen? Why didn't you fight back? Why didn't you do anything? Okay, well, okay, I'm feeling attacked by my students. There'll be adults here. Okay, I'll help out. And she's going to start running towards the ferret that went to the various other buildings. How could you let this happen? Sorry. I actually, I want to go, I think, to the bar. Sure. You burst into the bar. You see innkeeper and... Yes. And bartender? Bartender. Bartholomew Tenders, both holding chairs to try to keep back this giant ferret. Whoa, you guys, are you all right? Help, there's a big ferret! And so they're trying to attack the other guys? Yes. Okay. I'm going to cast Vicious Mockery again, and... I'm going to say to the ferret, I really like you, yo, I got a ferret for her next. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, doesn't like friends! Back up! Back up! All right, the ferret turns and looks at you and rolled a seven. It seems a little terrified of you and backs up. How much damage do you do? A one. One. You do one damage, but a lot of damage in the heart, and it's now a little rougher. Does somebody else come to help? I feel like I feel kind of indebted to the fact that these are ferrets causing trouble. Marjorie, so you run into the bar, you hear Serafina's cruel words to this poor ferret. And I whack it. And I go, no, stop it, that's not my ferret, ferrets are friends! Give me an attack roll against this ferret. That's four plus two, that's an eight. You go to hit this ferret. What prevents you from hitting this ferret? I like the idea that I miss and just like the nail gets stuck to the bar wall. And I'm just kind of trying to yank it now. You've already started reconstructing the bar. The ferret goes to slap at you, but is still morally discouraged from Serafina's cruel words. What are you doing in this moment, Idaho? Okay, I'm going to head over to the other one. Can I get to it? Yeah, and you show up behind it, yeah. Okay, I don't have a sword. No. But I do have a wooden shield that has taken a kaiju's beating. Is it like splintered? Naturally it would be splintered if a giant ferret bit it with a tiny mouth. I want to do like a Captain America, like... Oh, yeah. You try to like slam down the shield onto... But like the edge, you know, I want to like fucking... Okay, yeah, make an attack roll with advantage. Should I make an unarmed attack roll or improvise a hit? Yeah, yeah, so just roll a d20 on your strength. That would be a three. Can I hit it? As you hit the back of this ferret with your shield, the ferret does not react to a thin piece of wood that's been kind of splintered. But behind you in your ear, you hear a voice say, Take this! And covered in leaves, a weird-looking fellow holds out a stick with this glowing green with a nail sticking out of it. I take the weapon and I say to him... Okay, I'm now making a... We have to stop this dance quickly. Well, in six seconds, I'll be able... I will... No, it's magic. I'll let you... Oh, great. That's an 11 to hit. I swing the nail plank. An 11 does hit the ferret and roll a d8 of damage. Oh, yeah. You see these ferrets just fur. That's a one damage. Plus your strength. Oh, that's plus zero. So, one damage. If it's glowing the same type of green, it'll be your spellcasting modifier. But you don't have spellcasting yet, so you don't have a spellcasting modifier. Never mind, then. Good luck. So, it's one damage. I think it's a one. I think one damage is what's happening here. I hit it with the wood side. This is why Mordred's my favorite. Doran, at this point, you're mostly cleaned off of blood. Can I see the fucking druid? I'm gonna say, if you head in that direction, you can. I'm heading that direction anyway. You see the druid. Once I see him, I storm up to him and go, did you do this? In a sense, no. In a more real sense, yes. Well, no, it wasn't on purpose. I was trying to bring back your friends. I can't. It doesn't make sense. But if we don't kill them, everything will go to hell. Okay, I look away at my friends fighting the ferrets. I turn back to the druid. I say, I'll get to you later. And then I am gonna go attack one of the ferrets. I guess, there's no way I'm going into stealth at this point. Yeah, I'm just gonna attack one of the ferrets. Dagger in the eye style. Hell yeah. Yeah, hell yeah. Make an attack roll against the ferret. You got it. I mean, it just feels right. I think that looks like a 20. Dirty 20? Ah, yeah, dirty. Okay. Yeah, that hits. Roll damage. Or what damage damage? Seven? Hey, so we're at first this guy and then him. That's another two, so that's nine total. Yeah, you come up behind, stab this guy while he's not paying attention, right in the eye. And this ferret goes, and falls to the ground, bleeding out of its eye, unconscious and dead. Thankfully, since this one's smaller, I don't think I get so much drench. Back to the bar where a real action scene is going on with Serafina yelling at this guy, Mordred with the big wooden board in the bar with the nail kind of stuck. What's going on now, Serafina? Yeah, first of all, I'm going to give Mordred bardic inspiration for their next attack. Hell yeah, how? Yeah, I'm just going to say, Mordred, you've got this. Don't really mess up that other guy. I believe in you. And yeah, give Mordred bardic inspiration. And then I'm also going to continue to yell at the ferret to tell him to back the fuck up. And cast Vicious Mockery and just, I said, back up! Those are my friends, get away from them! Hell yeah. Yeah, you see the ferret, having been yelled at twice now, he did roll a 13. What does he have to beat? My DC is a 13. Okay, you see, this time, this ferret, he don't care. He's a cool ferret. He's dealt with you. He knows what he's doing. He's already heard me yell at him once. He's getting used to me. With that, it is your turn, Mordred. I pulled the board out? Yeah, give me a strike check. Oh, no. Mordred, it was famously very strong. 12? Okay, that does it. The DC was set. I pull it out, and then I'm going to just pull it out and then use the momentum to finish swinging through. Hell yeah, to just try to bludgeon him. All right, give me a normal attack roll. That's a 3, plus I get 2 from Wisdom. So that's a 7. You can use your Bardic. Yeah, can I use Bardic, the Bardic Inspiration? Hell yeah, you can use your Bardic Inspiration in the moments you feel inspired. 1d4? Uh, d6, yeah. I rolled a 6. Let's go! I didn't know you could do it. Let's go! Come on, Mordred. That hits. With a plus 6 to that, yeah, 13 will hit this ferret. I dealt 8, plus 2 from Wisdom. I dealt 10 damage. You pull it out, and you clock this ferret. Absolutely amazing! I just lost his head off. He knows all the secrets of the ferrets. He knows how to take them down. Yeah, I know their weaknesses. Your beast bond feels a little weaker as you feel fear coming from your other ferret buddy. Oh no! Bad ferret. I agree. And with that, all the ferrets are dead. All the evil ferrets are dead. And there's a moment of peace in the bar, especially. Bartholomew comes over and thanks you guys, as does Ian, the keeper. And they both thank you, go, hey, it's appreciated. We'll clean up this body. You kids go be safe. Which room are me and Duranen? You guys are in the various other buildings. Okay. I just want to be clear. We're in a room with this ferret, right? I'm sorry, with this furry guy, right? With the ferret and the guy made of leaves standing in a wooden dining room. That's what I'm doing. I'm turning around and looking. As this fight ends, just so we're aware, I'm going to position myself between the door and the guy. Gotcha. So you begin positioning yourself, just heading over to the door, basically, to block him off. As you start looking around the room for the guy. Now, I'd have you do a perception check, but the only place in this room that looks suspicious is a pile of leaves in the corner. I feel like I no longer trust any leaves. Much less in piles. What do you do about it? So, to be clear, the druid is nowhere to be seen, but there's a pile of leaves in the corner. There's just a pile of leaves in the corner. Why didn't you go kick the pile of leaves? Ow! You hear from the leaves as you kick it. What was that for? What the fuck was that, old man? You kicked me. It wasn't nice. The ferrets! What ferrets? Oh, the big ones. Yeah, I was trying to fix things. Fix what? A lot! A lot's gone wrong, don't you know? I really do not understand how summoning three giant ferrets fixes anything. Well, you don't understand time magic. You've only experienced it once, huh? Fuck. And with that, I think Mordred and Seraphina do show up at this point at the door. Seraphina, we're being cool at the door. We're letting him have his moment. I give a thumbs up to Dorado. Keep going. Yeah. You got it. Hit him again. I'm taking out my knife. I'm going to point it at the Druid. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Wait! Wait! Maybe he's got an explanation? Start explaining. Yeah. I thought you were just doing a prank like the rest of us. No. What? You guys did a prank? Not about what we did. What did you do? Mordred, have you ever wondered why we've done all those weird Druidic experiments in the temple where I've asked you questions about the past and your classmates? Well, to become a Druid, obviously. That's how you learn, right? No. Six years ago, there was another student in this school. Haven't you always wondered why there were six chairs in your classroom? I... I... Have there been six chairs in the classroom? Yes. I can't... No. It's just been us and Colin. No. There's been six chairs in your classroom. There were only ever five students, but they... We brought in an extra chair when Seraphina showed up, and that summer was also when your other classmate went missing. You see, time here is weird. There's a rift that is so easily opened that the only... the only way to stop it is to let some things through, and sometimes things come through from the future or the past or different times, and sometimes things come from here and have to go to other places, so the ferrets, like the ele-melon, had to come from a different time. You're telling me... I don't buy it, old man. You knew this was going to happen. Yes, I did. You foreordered this was going to happen. How did you know? Well, because I'm the Time Druid. You think I don't know anything? You think I'm just guessing and reacting? Honestly fair. Are you telling me you can open a time rift to the future, but you can't fight a ferret? Well... That's a good point. I'm not really good at fighting. That's not really my magic. Why didn't you just... Why didn't you give Miss Fairburn a heads-up, and why did it have to be at the school? Well, I kind of just realized... So I'm not as in control of this as I'm saying, but... Yeah, dude, this is not your magic either. It's the magic I study, but it's pretty random, and I'm... The school is just a place where it happens sometimes, and that's... You cannot do that on school property. Well, the school doesn't really exist anymore. It's kind of lost the roof. Can I try to think back to see if I can remember any other weird time occurrences going on? Yeah, you don't need... Actually, you do need a history check. Okay. I'm trying to think. I don't... I got an 11. With an 11... With this added context... There's one or two times where you've seen somebody... Like, something's out of place. Especially at the druidic sanctum that he lives at. Just creatures or people that maybe don't make the most sense, and it's... But, like, you know, it's a weird druid, and it's magic, you know? That's what you've always run it off as, and... You begin to realize that, as you look at Sprinkles, and you feel your beast bond connection... You get a sense that Sprinkles isn't from this time. I... I... I... I'm like... I walk out of the bar. I'm like, my brain is melting. I don't know how to process all this information. Yeah. Well, you're in the various other buildings, but yeah, you walk out of the various other buildings. Duran, you walked out too, right? Yeah, I walked out. I walked out a while ago. Can I pause for a second? What did he say his name was? Oh, I've been saying Duran. Duran. Duran. I have an accent. Idaho... Idaho knows nothing about us. I'm sorry, I wrote it down, but I've been saying it wrong. I really like how you've just been saying the name wrong. So, Seraphina... No. And I go out after the other two. No, it's just the two of us in here now, right? Yeah. I say, you're a dick, and I walk out too. You guys meet back... You all kind of meet just outside. I mean, it's not like we needed the school anymore. We graduated. We had a little bit of time left. But yeah, I guess we've learned all that we needed to. Are you guys alright? I mean, a bunch of us are covered in blood and dirt and stink. Yeah, I can help with that. Fairburn comes over and goes, here, I'll help clean you guys off, but... I don't really know how to wrap things up. I'm not going to get you the food anymore. We can go to the inn, and I'll get you some food. I just wanted to say thank you all. You've been a great class. I don't know, this is a weird note to end on. Miss Fairburn, I have a better idea. Hmm. Sir Aphrodite here has a job at the bar. Drinks are on you, lady. Well, you all can't drink, because as we all know, the age of drinking is 18 in this town. I think we are still this bar's only customers. Here they serve orange juice. You know what? We probably have some little mix that we can get. I'll see if I can get something arranged. And she disappears for a minute, leaving just the four of you alone. I'm... I'm sorry, Doran. That guy... That guy's a lot vainer than... I mean, I always knew he was pretty wacky, but... I didn't think he was going to turn out into this. That guy's a monster. I mean... I can't believe you've been spending time with him. What have you been doing with him? He's just been teaching me books, and we've been drawing circles on the ground, and just learning about animals. I didn't think he was going to do this. Did he ever teach you anything about giant ferrets? No, he didn't teach me anything about any ferrets. Everything I learned was from taking care of sprinkles. Seems like he really probably should have, though, hey? I mean... I mean, how many giant ferrets are we going to really come to? I mean, I guess one now, huh? Three? I really honestly thought zero was going to be my lifelong number for giant ferrets. I mean... Well, where are you going to go, Doran? I need to find... a wizard. Someone... I don't know. Look, I don't want to talk about it. It's that fucking druid. He's either leaving, though, aren't you? Well... Nobody cares. What about you, Seraphine? I'm sorry. Seraphine. I don't want to end on a note like that. Yeah. I will punch you. It probably won't do anything, but I will. I'll do it. I promise you it will hurt a lot. Yeah, I'm staying in town, I guess. I have to. I hope for the rest of her life here. She's just started elementary school. I don't think I can go anywhere for a while, so... You'll know where to find me. If you want to come and visit or anything, I'm... happy to host you. I'll come back. Or I guess you've got family. I guess you've all got family, but... Yeah. You know... Guys, I... I know we just defeated the giant ferrets, but since we are all leaving, it's really starting to feel real, and I just want to say that... I mean, the past five years have been kind of great. I've not really had a group of friends before. I've only really ever had Hope. And, um... Thanks for being my friend. You guys have made the last little while really enjoyable. And we went out with a bit of a bang with the ferrets, but... Yeah, don't leave and forget about me. Don't forget about us, okay? And if you need anything, I mean, send a message. Or I'll be here. Barry, literally the only reason I'm still here. Not gonna forget about you. But the rest of you as well. Like, you're all my friends. I hope it never changes, no matter how far away we are from each other. Oh, and you too, Colin. Colin pokes his head out of the ground. I won't! I mean, yeah, of course. Like, I don't... I don't know if I could probably keep learning from that guy. I'll probably still leave with him, but... You guys are my number ones. And, like... You guys! All of you! And my mom! And maybe Colin? Honestly? Yeah. So, like, I'm gonna be gone, but it's not like I'm gonna be gone forever, and I hope we can all be together again. Okay, yeah. It just... It feels like the rest of our lives. So I might be blowing this out of proportion. We're only 15. But it just feels like forever right now, because it hasn't happened yet. So, yeah. I don't know. I'm being too sentimental about this. I put my hand on Mortred's shoulder. I was like, by the time we see you again, Mortred, you're gonna be your own number one. Thanks! Um, yeah. And I, like, looked very... Idaho? I did it. I saved someone today. Don't ever change, Idaho. You're peculiar. But I guess kind of great. All right. So let's just return the duplication spell, and we'll be on our way. Oh. Um. About that. Yeah.