JS&T S1E5 - Camp 13

The boys are going to camp but Tommy doesn't want to go because of a bad camping experience. Jimmy accidentally breaks his dad's Ming vase and gets sent to boot camp. Tommy gets forced to go to camp with them. On the bus, they encounter a bump and Jimmy falls off trying to save Tommy. They meet a guy who warns them about savage chipmunks. They sing songs and tell scary stories around the campfire. Warning! The Jimmy, Sam and Tommy show was not produced in a peanut-free facility and may contain nuts. Thank you. Alright, load my tuba into the bus here. Do you really need a tuba at camp, Jimmy? What if we have campfire songs? We'll need some musical accompaniment, right? A harmonica would have fit into your suitcase more efficiently. Nah, Billy already brought his harmonica. We're really gonna miss you, buddy. We wish I was going to camp with you. You're not missing anything, Tommy. If you only knew how hard I've tried to forget the one time I was camping. Would your bad memory of camping have anything to do with hogs, by chance? I do not want to talk about this. Wait a minute. You guys should come with me. Camping is great. You're gonna love it. Yeah, but father says we can't because it's too beneath a homer to refuge in the wilderness. Wise man, our father. True giants among men. There's nothing to see in the wilderness but dirt. And your own perspiration while you do menial labor. When you do things like walking and fishing and having fun. I think I need to sit down a minute. What did your father say when you asked him if you could go, Jimmy? Oh, well. It was my dad's idea, actually. Really? What did you ask? Yeah, I know. And right after I broke his favorite genuine antique ancient Ming Dynasty vase. I loaned him from the British Museum of Antiquity. I beg your pardon? Oh, well. I think I went through a clumsy phase. I'm not you. No way, man. Really? Since when? Since he was born. So my dad said if I accidentally broke even one more thing, he'd send me to army boot camp. And as I ran to him with open arms to thank him for his saintly generosity in sending me to camp, I accidentally plowed through his Ming vase. Any questions? Yeah, I got one. How do you make a vase out of mink? You plowed through an ancient... Now here I am, ready to go to boot camp. Hi. Wow, wow, wow. Watch how you handle that golf bag, Billy. I'm trying to get all your stuff onto the bus. You're holding up traffic, soldier. Well, these aren't even mine. That is fragile cargo. Since when are golf clubs fragile? They're not, but I'm not carrying golf clubs in that bare bag of that stale face, eh? I'm carrying a replacement Ming vase. Put a hoist it on, you boys. My pipe's not sitting in its way to seat one in the engine just because it's in vogue. Yes, sir. Billy, sir. Put a hoist on, sir. Yes, sir. Vogue, sir. Yes, sir. At ease, camper. Yes, sir. At ease, sir. Yes, sir. Jimmy, knock it off. Yes, sir. Knocking off, sir. Yes, sir. Yeah, wait. I'm going to take these bags in there, and then I'm going to wait for you. And I'm not going to wait long. Gee, I've always perceived Billy to be more patient, sir. Eh, he's been watching too many old army movies. Well, I guess this is goodbye. Sam, take care of my worm collection for me. Not on your life. Oh, well, who needs worms anyway? Remember, boys, it's always darkest before the dawn and other movie cliches. Eh, well, this bag is pretty heavy. Oh, here, Jimmy. Maybe I could carry that on the bus. Ah, thank you, Bellhop. Here's something for your trouble. Don't spend it all on one thing. Uh, I don't see how I could spend a worm collection in one place. All right, soldier boys, put away your teddy bears and kiss your mothers goodbye. We're serving you off. Tommy, are you quite done in there? All right, let me go over a few ground rules with you. No hitting and no yodeling contest unless I'm the referee. Hey, Danny, I said no hitting. But there was a mosquito on my face. We are here to commune with nature, not splatter it. I want everyone to repeat that after me. We are here to commune. Come on, I can't hear you. We are here to commune. With nature, not splatter it. Not splatter it, sir. Isn't Billy just a natural born leader among men? Oh, and I almost forgot, the most important rule of all. No, and I repeat, absolutely no tubas. We don't want a repeat of what happened last year. Eh, Danny? Yes, sir. Uh-oh, I guess I better take this with you and get off the bus, Tommy. Sure thing, man. The worms in your collection might rather enjoy me serenading them on your tuba. Well, do you think you're going, little man? Whoa, uh, me? Just going home to serenade some worms on the tuba. Maybe crack out your old Purr-Tee-Gee board. Maybe decorate some Christmas cookies early if I get one of my wild urges. I'm not amused with your sarcastic humor, Hoomer. Look at this vest. I'm looking, I'm looking. Does it look like I am amused to you? Actually, it looks a little pale. Have you been getting your proper intake of vitamin D? Sit down, Tommy. No soldier's going to be AWOL on my watch. Do we understand each other, Hoomer? Yes, sir. AWOL, sure. What? Sure. Hmm, Tommy's been taking a dreadfully long time. I better see if he's all right. Perhaps that bag was too heavy for the two of them. But that's what happens when you send a boy to do a man's job. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait! Oh, that's the abduction! Abduction! You've abducted my brother, you fiend! Ah! Ah! Wait! Ah! A hundred bottles of pop in the wall, a hundred bottles of pop. Shake one out, tap it around, a hundred bottles of pop on the wall. The first thing you gents are going to learn in boot camp is how to count. Phew! Well, I'm glad you decided to come along camping with me, Tommy. I didn't! I'm not supposed to be here, Jimmy. Billy just wouldn't let me off the bus. Do you hear what I hear? A star of star dancing in the night? No! Shh! You heard something. Something's bumping up against the back of the bus. Tommy! You'll get yourself out here! Whoa! Whoa! Hey, damn! Now that's what I'm talking about. That's my kind of travel. Keep your sad comments to yourself, Jimmy. This is ridiculously dangerous. Then why are you doing it, man? I am here to rescue you. What's going on here? Oh, Jim came off the back of the bus. He's going to save me. What? We don't need no civilians trying to kidnap our soldiers. Besides, guys, I'll handle this. Just open this window and shove him off. Ah! I'm full out of time! What are you doing? Ah! Sayonara! Whoa! Damn! That's the only way to block. Go, Billy! Well, that's taken care of. Back to the song. Follow my lead, boys. John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith He has a ridiculous name All right, men. Our pups went to the administrative office to sign us into the campground. Now it's up to me to turn you slaves into men. Now do you want to give me 50? But I didn't bring that much money. 50 push-ups, Jimmy. Not 50 bucks. Oh! Push-ups, eh? What, to take 50 bucks on stamp? I thought you didn't have 50 bucks, Jimmy. Well, it depends on whether you're asking me nicely. Please! Push-ups! See? All you had to do was ask me nicely. No big deal. I'll just do it. You know? You ask me nicely. You know? Good dog! Yes, sir! Push-ups, sir! Ah! Ah! Ooh! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ooh! Hey! How! Ah! How! Very how! Hey! Ah! Ooh! All right. That brings you up to one whole push-up, Jimmy. I guess that's enough to merit a pound, am I? This is kid stuff. We need something to add more weight on your push-ups. Tommy, sit on top of Jimmy. Sit what? I said sit on top of him. I say come again? Sit on him! Could you bring that past me one more time, slowly? Sit on him! I feel like the inner Billy has something he wants to say to me. Come out, inner Billy. I want to hear what you got to say. That's it. I'm putting you on top of Jimmy myself. Ah! Good boy, me man! Deal. Whoa! My stars. You're getting a little heavy there, boy. I'll watch your hand for breakfast. Well, I am still holding your tuba. Tuba? Shh! Shh! It's my honor uber time. Uber time? Say what? Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. I can tell you're going to be a difficult one. You just figured that out now? Where you been, boy? Give me the tuba, Jimmy. But it's my son, David Cassidy's tuba. Yeah, sure. I didn't know David Cassidy played the tuba. Fine. But you'll have to put the safety-approved, waterproof construction-on sticker on it to show the game wardens you got the okay from me. Okay? Did you ever make your belt float back out? Hell, yeah. Thank you for the lift to the woods, my good fellow. Much obliged. Yeah, well, I couldn't just let you chase that bus for another 18 kilometers. Take care. Watch your step, pilgrim. I do not mean to appear presumptuous nor ungrateful, but could you not have let me off somewhere a little closer to the camp itself? No, sir. No way. I'm not getting any closer to that camp. It's too dangerous, hombre. I am not sure I comprehend your meaning. Is this not known as Paradise Falls? Yeah, well, the falls are nice, but the woods you have to go through to get there is teeming with savage tribes of chipmunks, monsieur. Ah, they don't bother me. I don't believe in those sort of old wives tales anyway. Come to think of it, I don't put much stock in old husbands' tales either. Yeah, well, travel at your own risk, then, and don't say I didn't warn you. And, partner. Watch out, partner. Goodbye. Ciao, ciao. Chipmunks. Oh, no, sir. All right, Gordo. Strum that guitar. Gotcha, Jimmy. If I am a lord, do you know who I am? If I am a lord, do you know who I am? If I am a lord, do you know who I am? If I am a lord, do you know who I am? Man, I just love me a good sing-along. Eh, Tommy old bean? Why, yes, old sergeant of mine. You're going to make me hungry. Where's Danny with the food? Maybe the savage chipmunks got him. What? Chipmunks? Hi, hi, Gordo. Don't try and scare the kids. You don't have chipmunks around here, Billy, do you? I thought that was just in the movies. I'm afraid we don't. Have you guys ever heard the story of The Savage Tribe of Chipmunks? Is this going to give me nightmares? Oh, tell a story. Tell a story, Billy Hopper. Tell a story. All right, but it's got to get in the zone. Gordo, hand me that helium container. Oh, look who's scaring the children now. Here you go. All right, guys. Whoa, what happened to your voice, Billy? All chipmunks talk high pitch. This is for authenticity. A long time ago, there was a superstar chipmunk in the circus. He was the star of the chipmunk team act. But when the circus finally got enough money to afford a real lion, he was out of a job. And so he took to the forest and fought his tribe of savage warriors so that one day he could exact his revenge on the human people. And he was never seen again. Wow. I never knew I was double-jointed. You weren't even paying attention, Jimmy. That sounds really scary. Oh, there's nothing to worry about, Tommy. If he's never been seen again, then there's nothing to fear, is there? Oh, you're so much better than Jimmy. I thought you weren't trying to scare us. He'd sneak up on you and blindfold you when you least expect it. Yeah, I know. I'm allergic to blindfolds. They make me go blind and I can't see nothing. Yeah, sure. I think we have the same reaction when I'm blindfolded. Ooh. Yeah, well, that's the story. I don't put a lot of stock in these things. Hey, there's Danny with the food. Guys, make sure you clean up the food when you're done eating. Yeah. We wouldn't want to attract any savage chipmunks. Mommy! Ugh. How perfectly disgusting. I can't believe I have to stoop this low to retrieve my brother. The very idea of jumping in the river to catch a fish with my bare hands, or an evening meal and rubbing two sticks together to make a fire. Oh, my. I believe I shall faint. Ooh. What was that? Who's there? Is that you, Tommy? My word, these woods have not been kind to you. You're sounding awfully hoarse. Yes, I'm a might cranky myself, but there's no need to dwell on it. Let us simply go home. Tommy? I'm waiting. Tommy? Do I have to come over there and get you myself? Wait a minute. That doesn't sound like Tommy. That sounds like a bear. Ooh. Ah. I just love sleeping in sleeping bags. I'm as snug as a bug in a rug, yee-haw. Man, I love camping. Hey, why aren't you rolling out your sleeping bag, Tommy? Tommy? Well, I didn't bring one, Jimmy. Well, you should have come more prepared. I brought my sleeping bag. I brought my golf bag. I brought this chip bag. I brought this milk bag. I brought this mail bag. I even have bags under my eyeballs here, see? Which reminds me, we're supposed to be going to bed. I don't want Sergeant Billy to hear us and make us do another one push-ups, if you know what I mean. So if you'll excuse me. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. I don't have a sleeping bag because I wasn't supposed to be here, Jimmy. Be prepared for anything. Boy Scout's motto, Tommy. But I'm not a Boy Scout. Well, you should have been prepared for that. Jimmy, I've got to get out of here. Sam's probably back at the house eating pheasant under glass and watching the latest football game without me. North American or European football? What? What does he matter? Well, you'd look pretty silly yelling, touchdown, when you make a score in European football, wouldn't you? Okay, Jimmy, I need you to focus. Focusing. Jimmy, you're not even looking at me. You're looking at your shiny Uber tape. Well, you didn't tell me what to focus on. Okay, okay, okay, I'm sorry. I lost my head. Please focus on getting me back home. Right, so you can eat pheasant under glass. Got it. You know, I've always wondered, are you supposed to remove the glass or are you supposed to eat that, too? Well, personally, I think it would add to the otherwise bland flavor. But Sam never lets me eat it with the glass. I have to get out of here. Just bring those spoons, please, and come on. Oh, the spoons, good idea. I'll grab my Uber tape and you can accompany me on the spoons. Oh, damn fashion, damn fashion. Sorry, ma'am, no time for that now. We need to use them to dig a tunnel. We're busting out of here. I think Herbert smells someone trying to escape. Ah, who's Herbert? My nose, and it don't lie. What in the world would escaping smell like? A little like burnt aftershave lotion. Hey, Gordo, you're supposed to be in your barracks. I have to go to the washroom. You wouldn't be trying to escape, would ya? Why would I try to do that? I love camping. You've been watching too many war movies, Billy. Eh, we only get two channels. It's that or the cooking show. Yeah. Just don't try anything, okay, Gordo? No one escapes from Camp 13. I'm gonna go polish my monocle. Right. Can I go to the washroom now? Yeah, sure, man. It's not like I'm holding you up or anything. Go, go, go. Huh? What? What's going on? What a ridiculous dream. Tramping about in the woods. Walking and fishing and having fun. What a nightmare. What the hell? What's this? I seem to be tied down with some ropes. And there seems to be little spears lying about on the ground. And miniature carvings in miniature huts. Well, tie me down and call me gone. I think I'm a lily putt. What's a lily putt? Oh, a chipmunk. This is fine, Harold. I will speak to the savage. Wait a minute. You chipmunks can talk? Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, dear. I must be becoming delusional. You're not delusional. Thanks for your vote of confidence. Now, if you don't mind, I should like to get loose. I have places to go, you know. Not so fast. We have plans for you. Well, I always knew this day would come. You probably heard legends of the intelligence and class of the great Samuel J. Homer. And I can confirm they are more than legends. So I'm sure you've captured me to force me to become your king. Well, the whole thing's rather flattering. But I'd feel rather silly being made king of a savage chipmunk gang. Oh, I don't mean that in a demeaning way. No, I don't mean that in a demeaning way. I'm sure you're tip-top as far as savage chipmunks go. And you clearly have exquisite taste in your choice of king. But you see, my time as a political leader has come and gone. And I prefer to think of myself as more of a humble mentor in private citizen life. Stop talking! I beg your pardon? Is that any way to speak to your intended king? We don't want you as a king. Oh, woe, woe is me. The fickle nature of holding political office. One moment they want you on top of the world, and the next... Stop talking! Stop hitting my forehead with that twig! Honestly, I would have imagined savage chipmunks had better manners than this. Can someone please tie a gag around the supper meal's mouth? How dare you! Has that gag been sanitized? Wait a minute... Supper meal? Surely you were not referring to me as your dinner. Well, personally, I don't like the taste of rich food. Thank goodness. But we do have plans for you. Oh, bother. We want you to call the circus. I beg your pardon? I wore my old job back in the taming act before the lion came and took it from me. Well, you do need some taming. For the sake of the plot, I'm going to pretend I know what you're talking about. But for the sake of argument, what pray tell would you do to me if I did not comply to your nefarious wishes? You do not want to know. Oh, bother. Oh, man. I just broke our last spoon. Now how are we going to dig through the rest of this tunnel? Oh, man. Those are my son David Cassidy's spoons. Really? I didn't know he ate with spoons. Well, maybe you can use my ubutai as a shovel. Gee, thanks, man. Eh, it's the least I can do. Besides, now that the David Cassidy memorabilia set is broken up, it's really not worth very much. Well, I appreciate your sacrifice nonetheless. We made it to the other side, Jimmy. I can see the sun again. Look, it's glorious. Eh, you've seen one sun around the earth, you've seen them all. Now being on a planet where you can see multiple suns in the sky at once, trust me, that's a real experience. Uh, yeah, I guess it would be. But how would you know? Best friends just know these things, bro. Now, what's our next step? Your next step is to put your hands in the air. And shake them all about. You do your hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about. Whoa, watch where you point that cheese puff, Billy. I think it's loaded. It is loaded with spinach and cheese. And you guys could have had one if you stuck around and played within the walls. But no, you had to color outside the lines. Perish the thought. I never do this. Oh, so that's what the lines are for. But, uh, we're gracious kind of guys. I won't report this. If you come quietly back with me, that is. In fact, I'll even share with you some of my leftover cheese puffs. What do you say? Eh, I don't really like cheese puffs. Besides, I'm not hungry. I always carry a few spare caffeine energy bars in my pocket. In case of an attack of the munchies. Well, that explains a few things. Don't like cheese puffs? That's it. I'm taking you to the cooler. Phew, thanks. It sure is hot out here. Especially when you've been digging a tunnel with spoons underground for the last two hours. Wow, that Billy sure is a gracious kind of guy. One in a million. Salt of the earth. Great with kids. Guys, we need to go back to the camp. I'll get in a lot of trouble if the troops just up and leave. And my pops promised me that if I make sure this camping trip went off without any problems, he'd let me polish his sports car. For a whole year! Wow, your pops is almost as nice as my dad is. We really should do something nice for them on Father's Day. Out to trail. How do you feel about fruit baskets? Willed food or waxed? I'm sure if we went to your pops and explained my being here without registering, that he would just make this whole bad day just get a lot sunnier. There's still the fact that Jimmy is a registered troop member and he almost went AWOL. Well, uh, not to abandon an old friend from the army, but that's really not my fault. Is it? Let me just pull out my ticket book and write down the charges. Oh, are you going to give us a speeding ticket? My dad has one of those. All right. One charge of a registered troop member trying to escape the camp. One charge of an unregistered member being an accomplice to the crime. And one charge of an unregistered member corrupting the behavior of a registered member. And one double cheeseburger with fries. Oh, this must be my receipt from Mickey D's. Um, Billy, I don't mean to interrupt you, but there's something behind you falling along the ground. Oh, what is that? Oh, come on, guys. You don't think I'm going to fall for that old trick? No, honestly, there's something there. It's hideous! Thanks a lot, Jimmy. Oh, good to see you, old brother of mine. Um, I know I'm still young and naive, but how are you moving when you're lying on your back? Oh, well, believe it or not, there's a logical explanation for this locomotive anomaly. You see, I've been captured, tied up, and I'm currently being carried by a tribe of savage chipmunks. Savage chipmunks? No! All right, everyone stand back. I got a cheese puff, and I'm not afraid to use it. And just what do you plan to do with said cheese puff? Don't try anything. If you do, we'll do something to Sam. No! Anything but that! And what are they going to do to you? I haven't the foggiest notion, but they seem sincere about it. Well, why did they bring you here to the camp? They wanted me to make a phone call to the circus for them. Can you believe that? Well, why didn't you just use your cell phone? I told them that I can't get reception as deep in the forest as we were. Why do you keep winking like that, Sam? Never mind! Just take us to the camp, where there are adults, camp rangers, police officers. Never mind! We are not going to give up our hostage. One of you must go and make the call to the circus for us. Hello, monkey business. What about you, monkey business, you cute little chipmunk? Oh, so you think you're the funny one, eh? Lance up my contract, Sam. Well, listen, chuckles, why don't you go and make the call? No! Don't make him go! I'll do it! I'm not supposed to be here anyway. Don't trust this one! He's been trying to escape all day. Billy! You're not helping! All right, I'll do it, but on one condition. You better not do something to Sam. No promises! This is your win, Master Pickering. Let the hostages go! Only if you give me my old job back. Let the hostages go now, or we'll be standing in the clouds. I'd advise you to listen to him. It sounds rather serious. Listen, Mr. Ringmaster, I don't want to tell you how to do your job or anything, but can't you just strike a deal with them or something? And put a decent family lion out of work? Just think of how original you'd be. I mean, lion-taming acts? Give me a break. Right. So per se. Now, chipmunk-taming acts, that's where the real action is. Well, sales have been mighty low. Right. So... I even have your job back. How do you like that? Hooray! Oh, I'm a star again! Thank goodness. Just wait until I tell the message. Yes. Well, now that that's taken care of, I shall resume my original mission. But just to satisfy my curiosity, what were you going to do to me if they did not approve your demands? I don't know. I hadn't thought of anything yet. I was just biding time. Why, you grubby little munchkin! Bye-bye now! Oh, whatever. I still need to bring Tommy home. Now that all that's taken care of, why don't you join me and the boys for the last night of camping? There will be no camping in these woods tonight. Oh, why not? My pops is closing everything down to watch the football game on the telly. You want to come over? Yeah, sure. I'll bring your vision under glass. North American or European football? I think I shall just go home. I, unfortunately, need to shave. I don't know. Your beard looks pretty good on you, man. Yeah, it brings out your eyes. I'm only eleven years old! This country air has done something strange for me. Now, I wish to go home and rest from all this chaos. And what better way to relax than by watching a football game? Come on, Sam. I'll treat you to some caffeine energy bars. Oh, bother. Meanwhile, the lion plotted his revenge on the chipmunk for taking his job. I will have my revenge. But it was short-lived when his spaceship beamed him up. No! And he was never seen again. I don't bite. I do. I do. And, of course, you would. Tommy, have you managed to adjust the rabbit's ears so we can clearly see the football game on the television yet? I don't see any beginning anywhere. And the rabbit doesn't seem to like me playing with his ears either. Sorry there, little fella. Oh, yeah. I forgot. You only get two channels. The war movie channel and the cooking channel. Well, more scary stories about lions and chipmunks, I guess. Ow! The guy who gave Sam a ride, the chief chipmunk, the ringmaster, and the lion. Natasha Green as Tommy and Sam Homer. Gordo, various campers, and Harold the chipmunk. And Matthew Gaskin as some of the growler effects. Voice track editing and original music by Natasha Green. Sound design and mixing by Christopher Green. The Jimmy, Sam & Tommy Show is a Green Stream Studio production. For more information, visit jimmysamandtommy.weebly.com. And greenstreamstudio.ca. See you next time!