The Battle of the Ego (1)

The human condition is a contest between the ego and our authentic self. The ego is anything in us that isn't our true self, and it has different sources: personal wrongdoing, learned behaviors from childhood, and societal conditioning. The ego is an all-encompassing term, and it can't be surgically removed. Our authentic self is who we were meant to be, and it's when we experience love, take risks, and express our creativity. We all have a battle between the ego and our authentic self, and it's important to listen to our feelings and identify with our heart. We should also have compassion for others and not judge them based on their ego-driven behavior. Our learned behaviors are not who we truly are, and we need to understand that everyone is engaged in the battle between their ego and their authentic self. The goal is to become more authentic and not identify with our ego. I've talked about this understanding of the human condition as really being this contest between the ego. And of course the ego is the broader sense of the word ego, I think in some contexts people talk about the ego as another word for being arrogant or feeling superior but when I talk about the ego it's the broader psychological definition of anything in us, any thoughts and actions that aren't our authentic self. I talked about how there's a few sources of the ego, there's our own sort of human, what Christians would call sin, where we sometimes just do the wrong thing even though we know it's wrong and we just do it. Then there's another source of the ego, so it's kind of learned behaviours we have as children from the ages of zero to seven or whatever it is, we struggle, we want love and we want things and we find ways to get them and often they're unhealthy ways so they serve a purpose when we're young but we carry them through to adulthood and we still regrettably have them with us until we address them and get rid of them. Of course another source of ego is just the conditioning that society has on us, the ego that exists in other people and in other institutions, in business, media, we kind of buy into that, we kind of get sold into those conditioned beliefs about how you need to live your life and what you need to do, you need to have a big house, you're in a good suburb, you don't give money to charity, it's okay to degrade the environment, whatever, and we get these beliefs that come to us through other people and through institutions. So there's different sources of ego but it's an all-encompassing term, there's even a physiological definition where they've actually worked out where the ego is on the left hand side of the brain, unfortunately it's the same part of the brain that deals with language so we can't just go in and surgically remove it, but the ego is an all-encompassing word which is anything other than our authentic self, our authentic self is us, it's who we were intended to be, it's us, our authentic self, it's any time you've fallen in love, and I've talked about this in a previous talk, and you've just been that amazing, it's any time you took a risk, you got up in front of people, you did great speech, you're fearful, it's any time you've jumped into some work or some art or some writing with all your creativity and energy, you're your authentic self, it's when you've given to other people selflessly and you felt great about it and you brought happiness to, this is the authentic you, this is who we all want to strive to be, we don't want to be anybody else, we don't want to achieve the goals society set out for us, we want to be our authentic selves, which puts us into a position of giving and receiving the most love. So, this talk is about the battle, so what actually happens, see the thing is, we might look at a, stealing from the previous talk, but we might look at a Mother Teresa or a Nelson Mandela or a Martin Luther King and think, we're not aware of these things, we think, these are good people, these are amazing people, but they are, but they're the same as us, they have an ego, they've got this voice in them saying, oh Nelson, these guys have put you in jail for 30 years, Nelson Mandela, go out and attack them when you get out, they've all got these voices, the ego, but they just learn to rise above them, to transcend their ego, they feed their authentic self over the years, and as they mature and they grow, they just become these extraordinarily authentic and beautiful human beings, so that's it, we've all got this battle, this battle between the ego, which raises doubts, you're not good enough, you're not smart enough, don't take any risks, satisfy your selfish desires, anything that, you're not pretty enough, we all have this battle between the ego and our authentic self, and I find that such a useful paradigm to understand other people, I look at, I used to have a boss, and if we all have a little conflict between our ego and our authentic self, my boss had a daily fist fight, he could at one point be this just beautiful human being, giving to charity, training young people, just greeting people with such warmth and love, he'd light up the room, and then the next moment he was doing these awful things, that were very unethical, and that's the thing, we have a daily battle, but I think in any situation, it's just a matter of really listening to your feelings, being in touch with your heart, your heart is your authentic self, your critical mind is your ego really, it's just your heart being authentic, but the key, I think the key is who we identify with, and also it impacts how we view others, so if we see somebody at a shop, and they're yelling and screaming, getting angry and behaving terribly, we can judge them and just say, oh they're just a bad person, he's bad, but I think the truest thing is we can just observe their behaviour and say, well that is what it is, the ego is being let off the leash, but we don't know what drove that, we don't know if he suffered as a child, we don't know if he totally hit down on himself about not measuring up to people's standards, we just can't judge that person, we can just have compassion and just say, wow, this man's ego is where he's at right now, and that's awfully sad, but it's not him, we have to just see that person, see his soul, see his authentic self that's hidden behind the ego, and exactly the same thing goes for ourselves, you know, if you walk around and you see all these horrible people out there, you'll see yourself as horrible, because we all have the ego. A classic example from my own life is I had some learned behaviours when I was a child, and it took me some suffering to firstly be aware of them and deal with them, but also to not identify myself with them, they are not me, your learned behaviours aren't you. Many people learn when they're young, from their parents, that they're not worthy of love. That's the message they get. So, in a romantic sense, they either sleep with everybody they meet, because they're craving love, or alternatively they go the complete opposite, and they shut themselves off totally. It's a different way of dealing with it, but it's the same problem. They got the message when they were young, that they weren't worthy of love. And again, remember, our parents, everyone's parents, are just like us. They had problems when they were children, and they got bored out, and it was meant, you know, they have their ego and their authentic self. This is how it's meant to be. God didn't, whoever it is, the design of life isn't for us to be perfectly authenticated, beautiful loving people from birth, it's to suffer and fall, and learn and grow, and move towards a truly authentic self. So the point here is, it's not even, just understand, understand that we're people. They've got this battle going on between their beautiful authentic self and their ego. When they do behaviour that's hurtful or wrong, it's their ego's ascendancy. And see the same in yourself. Do not identify yourself with your ego and its actions. You know, you are not that. You are your authentic self. You are a beautiful loving person. You just are. And you haven't behaved like that all the time. Absolutely not. And perhaps you're still carrying around a lot of learned behaviours and a lot of things, but you can deal with them. Once you stop identifying with them, once you stop saying to yourself, this is me, I'm clumsy. My mum and dad told me, you know, my sister told me I was clumsy, so I'm no good at that, or I'm not smart, or I'm ugly. These are all these learned messages and it's just not true. And you might have been abandoned as a child. Your mother or father might have left you and you run away from conflict. And that's not you, it's your ego. So I think it's an understanding that in every human being there's this battle going on. It doesn't matter whether it's Hitler or Hitler, or whether it's Mother Teresa. They've got the battle going on. And as you grow stronger and you reach into your heart and your emotions and you become more authentic, one side or other will take over and that's the human life, to try and be that authentic loving person. And not identify with your ego.