Podcast

Shelly Uwege's podcast episode discusses things to avoid saying to new moms, focusing on 10 insensitive remarks. She highlights the pressure on new moms to regain their pre-pregnancy bodies, questioning their milk supply, and making comparisons. Additionally, she advises against commenting on their tired appearance, pressuring them for another child, or minimizing their struggles. Shelly emphasizes offering support and refraining from judgmental comments to help new moms feel understood and empowered. Hey, it's your friend Shelly Uwege and welcome to Dear Mother Podcast. Yay! So, on today's episode, I'll be talking about things you should avoid saying to a new mom. So, by the way, if you are new to this podcast, I welcome you here. We'll talk about motherhood, we'll talk about friendships, relationships, and everything in between. I welcome you and stay tuned and I hope you enjoy this one. So, talking about the 10 things you should avoid saying to a new mom. You know, when a woman just had a baby, the baby, the joys of motherhood, everybody wants to see the baby, everybody is talking about the baby, touching the baby, loving on the baby, and everything, stuff like that. But, sometimes the mother is neglected. On the other hand, even when they aren't neglected, there are some things that people say. They might say them, of course, with the best intentions, you know, but sometimes it might hurt or make the mom or new mom question herself or motherhood or, you know, just generally hurt her feelings. So, these 10 things you should always or try to avoid saying to a new mom. Number one, when will you get your new body or when will you get your body back? When will you get your body back? She's a new mom for the next 6 and it took 9 whole good months to form a baby, to grow this child to delivery. 9 whole months, everything in between, the loss of appetite, the morning sickness, the weight gain, the acne, the fatigue, the insomnia, so many things that go into pregnancy. And, just after she just had this bundle of joy, all you want to know is, when are you getting your body back? Hello? Like, for me, that's one of the rude things to say to a new mom. Because, things are a break. Things are a break because it took 9 months to bring about this baby. So, how do you think or feel that within maybe 2 months after delivery or even 4 months after delivery, she's back, just like that? No. Give her some credit. It took 9 months. So, she needs time to lose the baby fat, to get herself back. I saw a study that shows that women, 2 years after delivery, some of them are still struggling to get their bodies back, to feel like themselves again. It takes them 2 years or more. So, that's to tell you what goes into motherhood or what goes into delivery. So, you should give mothers a break. Don't go asking them, when are you getting your body back? When are you losing this baby fat? That's so rude. That's so uncalled for. You're putting unnecessary pressure on her. So, rather than saying, I don't like the fact that she just did an incredible thing, her body just went through an incredible 9 month journey. Okay? That's it for number 1. Number 2, are you sure the baby is getting enough milk? Why not give formula? Why not start making suggestions? Give formula. Give this. Give that. Hello? Please, don't do that. Don't do that. Maybe the new mom is struggling with her milk supply. Maybe she's trying to get her milk supply. Maybe she has decided to go on exclusive breastfeeding, and she's already under pressure to produce milk, and you're there questioning her about her milk supply, or about those things that come with good intentions. Yes, but don't do it. Please, don't do it. It's not nice. You're making her feel inadequate. You know, or unsure about breastfeeding. So, it's a lot of work already trying to get her milk supply to maybe optimum, and you're there questioning, asking questions, asking if the child is getting enough. Rather than asking those questions, just offer your help, offer support. Ask her, what do you want me to do? Can I help you with the dishes? Can I get you some food? Just offer to help her. If she doesn't ask you any questions, please don't ask her any questions. Questions, you can ask her, how is the baby? Hope you guys are fine. How are you? If she's close to you, you can ask her, how was the journey? You know, mothers want to express themselves, especially new moms. They want to tell you the journey, everything, the difficulties they had, the good, the bad side, the ugly side. Yeah, she wants to naturally do that. But when it's not coming, do not ask her, why is her milk supply low, or are you sure her baby is getting enough milk? That's not nice. Okay, so number three is, you look tired. Yes, yes, of course she looks tired. She's not slept in days or even weeks, you know. New babies, they cry at night. Some of them have not really adjusted to sleeping on their own at night. They still feel like they're in their mommy's womb or whatever. So they've not adjusted to life outside the womb. So, of course, the new mom is tired. Don't tell her she looks tired. She already knows. She just has a baby. Instead, offer help. Offer encouragement. Say encouraging words to her, okay? So I know these things come from a place of love, a place of, you know, a place of love, but don't say them. People don't talk about these things enough. And some people don't, they really don't know. So that's why I'm bringing this to you today. Don't tell her, go about telling her she looks tired. She already knows she's tired, okay? Okay, number four. When are you having another one? Hey, oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. When are you having another one? That's too soon and too insensitive to ask, because when you just have a, I'm talking from experience, if you just had a baby, of course, that's the last thing on your mind, you know? It's motherhood or pregnancy can be straining you emotionally, physically, mentally, everything. And... It can be straining emotionally and, you know, physically. So going about asking her when are you having another one is so insensitive and too soon, okay? Don't say it. Don't ask it. So number five, enjoy every moment. Of course, babies are beautiful. They're the best gifts God can give anyone, yeah? Well, it is from a good place. Why that question is from a, or that what you say is from a good place, but this can dismiss how hard and overwhelming she's already feeling, okay? Don't make light of her situation. Don't gaslight her situation if there's anything like that. She's already feeling overwhelmed and you come, enjoy every moment. It goes so fast. No, don't say it. Don't say it, okay? Number six, my baby never did that. My baby never did this. My baby never, ah, my baby, my own baby, my baby. No. Hello, that's not time to start comparing. No, don't compare your baby and her baby. She just had a baby, you know? That makes her already feel like she's doing something wrong. Better than, you know, comparing you, her baby and yours. You can just sit with her in silence or talk about things, talk about other things, but don't go comparing your baby and her baby or someone's baby and her new baby. No, don't do that. Don't do that, okay? All right. Number 20. I know this one is like from a very, very, very, very good place. But don't say it. Why don't you sleep when the baby sleeps? Hello. Especially for those of us in this part of the world, sometimes to get help doesn't come by easily, so easily like that. While the baby is sleeping, you don't rush into, you don't make breakfast or rush into, either I quickly cook or have your bath or quickly take care of your other kids if you have, or quickly do one or two things. So sleeping while the baby is sleeping can sometimes be impossible. Yeah, so that's it for that one. Then number eight is you're spoiling the baby. You know, bring them down. Don't carry her too much or don't carry him too much. You'll spoil the baby. He or she will get used to too much carrying. And no, when your mom wants to carry her baby, you know, she needs that. Even the baby needs that human touch because they're not used to being outside the womb. They're not used to being outside the womb, you know. So they need that human touch, that human motherly touch, you know. So new moms need reassurance, you know, not telling them that carrying that baby will spoil the baby. That baby also needs bonding with the mom, you know. So that's it. That's for eight. So number nine is don't you miss your old life? Don't you miss your old life? No, I don't miss my old life. But don't ask that. You know, this can sound like motherhood is a burden instead of a blessing. So don't make her feel motherhood is one burden she has to unburden or unpack. No, motherhood is beautiful. So don't make her feel like there's something she's missing. No, don't do that. So the last one, but not the least, is wow, your hands are full. Even though this is an observation or it's an obvious observation, it can come across as judgment. What she rather needs is support, not that observation in quotes. So new moms don't need you to validate how busy they've become. Rather than say that, why not help? Offer help. Offer help. Offer to do something, one or two for them. Okay? So I just thought to share. And if you have more that maybe that I missed, can you just drop it in the comments? Okay? See you in my next episode. Ciao.