Super Earth Podcast Audition Helldivers 2

Welcome to Helldiverson's premiere episode of the second season of Super Earth Podcast. I'm Guy Hart, here with my co-host, the esteemed representative of the Ministry of Truth, Nelson Dagon. Esteemed? More like infamous. But I'll take it. I appreciate that, brother. This podcast is an excellent platform to discuss Earth-matter, space-security, and ensure Helldivers remain well-informed as they should be. And today we have a special guest with us. He just finished his training mission, Cadet Training, City-Town Frontlines of Liberty. We have brought with us Cadet Spartan. Thank you for that, Guy Hart. I appreciate it. It's great to be here. I may still be in training, but soon I'll be fighting alongside my brothers in the Helldivers. But I will admit, I am still trying to figure out which way to point the gun, though. Shoot that guy. And not me, if he's pointing at me. Oh, you know I was. Well, before we get into the nitty-gritty, Nelson, being in the Ministry of Truth, what is the truth? I hear rumors. I want the real deal. What would you like to confirm for us today? What do you mean, the real deal? If you're following rumors and conspiracies, does that really mean that that is the truth? Or are you making your own truth up? Well, Guy Hart, the one thing that I can confirm is that Super-Earth is always prepared for any eventuality. When we get to the facts, which is of course, we are winning the war. Winning? Winning? Helldivers always win. So, uh, when do we actually get shields? Asking for a friend who got stepped on by a charging shepherd, right? Well, how's that sound for that, shepherd? You will earn it, just like the rest of us will. Exactly. Alright. You're on my fire. So, what got you into Helldivers, Barton? What took you so long to get the game? Well, you guys, I was a little up in the air about it, but your esteemed co-host forced me into getting it. So far, I have no regrets. He walked down the road, grabbed you, took you up to his house and said, Buy it now. Not my house, but, yeah. Very good. It works. So, what was your toughest part of the training mission? Well, the toughest part of me was figuring out the controls, because, you know, I'm not that bright. And just went in, done-ho, and figured everything out as I went. It don't take brains to be a diver, it takes guts. That is correct. It's all in your spirit. Mm-hmm. And brash tactics. Brash tactics! If you can't find it, I'll still throw you in a helipad without a doubt. And, you know what, I'm going to throw another person in there with him. That is true. Uh-huh. We do things differently. If he comes in a helipad, stays in a helipad. We do things differently than the SES father of mankind. That is correct. So, have your co-players given you much talk about Friendly Fire, or you have not been in a live mission exercise yet, as in an actual match? I have not been in a live mission as of yet. It is my goal to do my first official mission tomorrow. Oh, nice. So, if you'll forgive me, I kind of slept through my training mission. Did they show you how the dragons work in the blue and red pillars of light that we call down to the beacon? Yes, yes. Okay. Yes, they did. And, yeah, I advise not standing too close to those. Yeah, we lost some legs, arms, and heads. Some of them were mouthless. Most of them. A lot of them were diehard. But every look at his head, it was kind of his whole body. Yeah. Yeah, I've had my chest go flying through the atmosphere a few times. Yeah. Yeah. Hitting off the side of my super destroyer. But, um, that's the charm of the game, really. Now that they got the excessive ragdolling under control somewhat, weird things still happen. But, um, yeah. I don't know nothing about these weird things. I think that's a skill issue. Skill issue. Yeah, well, next time you call down a supply drop, make sure you throw it in office. Or a diehard does. Yeah. Bill, when he walks away, he's like, hold on. A cluster bomb. Mule 500. Airstrike. Personal. Personal hell bomb. Yes. There's many ways to kill each other. I mean, the enemy. That was my thing. I thought I was here to kill bugs and, uh. Great. Well, how much did you like that time you got on the drop ship and you thought you were safe from me? Oh, I never feel safe if I'm in a game with you. You taught me. I did teach you, but. I've been gaming with you for like 21 years. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think the best one was, like, just sitting there with my, uh, group of hell divers and diehard just walks up, pulls out a pistol and shoots me in the head. Yes, sir. Then, then he just, even though he could revive me, he just walks on the ship and they take off and leave me there for dead. I don't think he was able to revive you much from the drop ship. You just sit there, you're shoot dead. Sounds like diehard is a secret assassin. That would be, um, dissidents and, uh, traitor. And treason. That's not, uh, that's not how the STS father of humankind rolls. We roll to the major orders. We don't go against them. What do you think I am, a chaos diver? No. Okay. So, uh, I guess we should move on to the next segment then. We got the, uh, war report stated at battlefield. So let's talk war analysis since you're the official source. What should we be concerned about? Is the strange movement delimited or is the automaton what's up next? Well, there's a lot of speculation and, uh, let's remember the super earth has everything under control. And any speculations of, I can't even talk. Any speculation beyond that the super earth works is just speculation. Yes, speculation. So, when do we get the real news then? Like, should I be worried if my drop ship suddenly vanishes mid-flight? Hypothetically speaking, of course. Well, the only times I've heard about that is when there's a bug and not the bug that kills you. But I see two, I see a drop ship land on another one. That was one heck of a glitch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes they follow you around too when they don't feel like landing. The only thing that would concern me is if you were in that drop ship with another person and then vanished. What then? Yeah. They left. As long as they get the help of another person. As long as they get the help of another person and don't get lonely. That's right. My health odds would be for two. So, I'd be more concerned about what's going on with the black hole. Which, some theories, toys who could be a wormhole. Can we get into that mess? Well, you know, this, this, this, uh... I don't even know what to call it. I just keep on hearing, pay no attention to the giant glowing anomalies appearing over recent obliterated planets. Helldivers, look. Actually, Timeheart, I think it's time we move on. All right, then. That brings us to the super destroyer named Rokhal. A time-honored tradition from our predecessors, Mike and Valito. They have set the precedent for this and we hope to do it justice. So, we are going to read off each super destroyer that has recently joined up on our Discord. And if you want to include yours, you are more than welcome to. It's likely to be right on the show. So, without further ado, we are going to kick it off with these. This is a great place for us to go ahead and acknowledge the Helldivers of what they've done. I'm going to go ahead and start with the list. This is Venom Crusher 5, reporting from the SES Founding Father of Family Values. I picked that name because it fits my personality in the game. Thank you for your service. Take the banger, SES Spear of Justice. Because Undertale is a great name, excuse me, is a great game. And Spear of Justice is objectively one of the best songs in it. Also, I think that is cool. Thank you for your service. Nova, Fleet SES Guardian of Starlight. Based off a potential novel name I want to put out there one day. But it also fits my motto as a Helldiver. To protect all those under the griefing light shining from stars of democracy. Very nice, thank you for your service. And finally for this session, SES Harbinger of Twilight. Named so as sure sign that my ship's arrival heralds the end of enemies of democracy. No matter what the conflict or danger, the Harbinger of Twilight will finish the fight. Thank you for your service. So, out of curiosity, what do I got to do to get a Destroyer name? Oops, all friendly fire. Asking for reasons. I don't have words. No. Well, I guess I don't have to. I was going to ask Spartan to wrap this up here, but I think that's enough. I think he said it all. I agree, let's move on. My god. If I see that shit, I'm done. So, yeah, Spartan, take it from here. Tell us your last tips for new Helldivers. Even though you haven't had a real mission yet, we have to keep that in mind. Well, for any new Helldivers, I would say stick with your squad. Learn to call in stratagems before you run out of ammo. And seriously, avoid standing under falling supply drops. If you think you're safe, you're not. And trust me, your teammates, but maybe, don't stand too close when they deploy an autocannon. They signal little. I've never had autocannons in training, that's cool. But then again, I'd have to do it to know it. And I don't do training. I get exempt. He's good enough, he can go. That's right. I don't even know why we have a training mission. Your training mission is to go and kick some butt. And if you die, you know the next guy? You can take your place and do better, probably. That's right. Solid advice, and with that, we bring the episode to a close. Remember, knowledge is power, and staying informed is the key to victory. And we're taking it one orbital bombardment at a time. For democracy. For democracy. For democracy. There you go. And for those who rise above the rest, the time may come soon when they receive the call to join something greater. Hello. This is the Super Earth Podcast. We are survivors from the Energy's Venture System. We need to warn the people of Super Earth about the approaching danger. Please, you have to tell the people to prepare for it. So they know where we're from.