Session Secret Mycell

A group of friends wakes up in a forest after going through a portal. They realize one of their companions, Mordred, is missing. They encounter a talking tree who introduces itself as a pixie named Tree. Tree leads them towards a nearby town, but one of the friends, Seraphina, trips and falls. They continue on their way, making jokes along the journey. Should we clap? Okay. Okay. Thanks. Three, two, one, go. Did I say anything? Oh, that was a really crisp clap on my end. I do not know. You all probably saw each other clap at different times, but I watched all of you clap at the exact same time. I didn't hear any other clap, so I'm assuming it was all at once. That makes me happy. Okay. So, shall we begin? You three find yourselves going through this portal. And I'll explain later. Some things I'm going to say now are going to be cut, guaranteed. I'll explain later when we do the whole portal scene what happens. But long story short, at the very end, you all feel like your body goes into this like hyper speed and then suddenly stops. And that sudden stops, or sorry, that sudden stop makes all of the blood rush right to your head. And you all pass out. That's all of you waking up. Or more specifically, Serafina, you begin waking up first thing you feel before your eyes are even open, because it is blindingly bright out here, is the warm, soft touch of grass against your face. And as you open your eyes, you see two things. One, Doran's still unconscious. And two, Idaho, putting on his armor. And I'm like rubbing grass against your face, right? That's what's happening. As you're coming to, you see Doran also does begin to... Yeah, yeah. You have a higher constitution. I want to be like the obnoxious dad. Like, guys, champs, 6am, we're getting up, the day is out. Early to bed, early to rise. I guess this is my chance to decide how obnoxious my dad is going to be. Yeah, this is a good ground to test that out. Morning, sunshine. What happened? Are you alright? I'm fine. I passed the heck out, I gotta say. It felt like I was running really fast, and then the blood rushed to my head. Doran, are you okay? I'm not too sure, actually. Idaho, it seems like your husband Adam. Do you know where we are? I look around. I don't know if I've been awake for significantly longer, but is there more to what I know where we are? Yeah, I'm going to say the other two are basically suffering from a really bad hangover and looking into a bright light. You still have a headache, but you're just fair and better. You guys seem to be in the middle of a forest. It seems to just go on in every direction. You hear the breeze. You hear birds chirping. Singing. You hear kind of like little rustles in the bush every now and then, what seems to be life. And a nice gentle wind blow. We wouldn't know that Morgan's not with us. We would have assumed he's with us. You look around. Can I ask, is this notably a different forest than the forest Yes, this is like an arborist forest, where previously you guys were in the mountains. Carnivorous? Carnivorous. Yo, I'm stealing that. I think Sam's about to say something to the look on Sam's face. He's like Sam Googling what carnivorous means right now. Carnivorous! You're thinking coniferous. Which is a family in the conifer tree. The trees were like bushy. And not like pine. Also, I should point out, I have definitely, if it's this bright out, suffering from sunlight sensitivity there's an advantage on attacking. Perception check. That being said, there's a lot of trees around. I'm sure you can roll into the shade. Right, but if my target is slightly more open, it doesn't matter. I've been awake for a few minutes. I don't know where Mordred is. I was hoping maybe he was up earlier. What? Do you think he would have left us? I mean, I don't see either. I don't see any of his things. There's no, like none of his things are there or anything. Seraphina, can you give me a perception check? He wouldn't have just left. That's not like him. That is a 6 plus 0. That is a 6 plus 0, so a 6. Sweet, so you and Seraphina both equally spot Mordred in that you guys don't see Mordred around. But you see him equally. I want it on record that I was not looking. It's on record. This is all being recorded. I don't know what you're doing. Okay. Well, I don't see Mordred. He wouldn't have just left us there. He wouldn't have. Can we just do a quick sanity check? Everyone's here. Everyone's got ten fingers. You know, portals, generally, members of the Academy, bad for your health, not a good vibe. Everyone's here. Everyone's okay. Everyone know what year it is? Yes. Yeah, what year is it, Seraphina? It's 2091 M. That's right. Yep. Just making sure. I might be a little groggy, but I'm not stupid. I think I'm okay, but my head feels like it's exploding. Yes, I am. It's like being on over. I just want to make sure. I'm still learning my characters here. I think if I have Lay on Hands or something, I do want to, like, give a comforting hand to Dorian here. Dorian, you can give me a medicine or arcana check. Uh... We'll find out. Why am I editing my characters? Why does it default to editing my characters? Why does it default to editing my characters? Um... Very cool. I don't know what's happening. How do I, like, lock it again? Okay, I'm just gonna roll the dice in the chat. I don't know what's happening. You use physical dice, Elfie. I roll the A2. Two. You put your hand up to Dorian's face and, like, put some healing. And as the bright glow from your hand as you put Lay on Hands goes right on his eye. Are you okay, Dorian? Is this helping? No! Leave me alone! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Fucking choir boy! I do feel like he's trying to help. Are you okay? Sorry, sorry. I had her. I mean, okay. You do seem more like a jazz kind of guy. Dorian, how are you... What do you look like right now? Are you sprawled out? Are you up against a tree? Yeah, yeah. Like, I went and crawled under a tree. I'm imagining myself leaning against the tree with my eyes and my hand as much as possible. Dorian, you hear a voice go Ha ha! Yeah! We hate that guy! What was that? Do we all hear this? No, just Dorian. In character, Christian. Guys, did you hear that? Hear what? He called me a choir boy. I don't know what... I feel like he's not talking about that either. Sorry, but no. Okay, this is the important thing. This is what I want to check to make sure all of our faculties are intact. No, it wasn't like that. I heard it. Idaho, just let him speak. What was it saying? He was making fun of the choir boy. Okay, really? Really? You know, your jokes are good. This is a bit too meta for my taste. It's behind you. I'm the tree. And as the voice says that, all of you hear it. Sorry, what was that? I'm the tree! Tree, you're speaking... That guy's a fucking choir boy, am I right? See? I told you. This tree hates you. Hi, I've actually never spoken to a tree before. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not a tree. My apologies. And you see out of a little knot on the tree, a little green pixie pokes their head out and goes, Hi, I'm a pixie. Hi, you are so pretty. Hi. Yeah, uh, fucking choir boy, am I right? I mean, a little, yeah. Don't tell him I agree. He doesn't know what the hell is going on here. Okay, okay, team. I'm Doran. Be very careful, team. This is a fairy. We know fairies with names, right? We're being very careful. Good job, team. You got this. Let's do it. Um... I mean, my name is not Doran. Who are you? Who are you, little one? I'm Doran. As well. No, the name was free, so I'm taking it. But my friends call me Tree. Where are your friends, Tree? You see a little hand, a little green hand poked out in gestures at the surrounding forest and goes, The forest is my friend. But there's also the folks who live in town. And where would that town be, Mr. Tree? Down the brook, through the stream, and across the river. Sorry, sorry, are you a Mr. Tree? Can I have your pronouns? Yes, I am a Mr. Tree. Hey, team. I got him. I got the pronouns. I got him. I tricked him. I got him back. Who's a choir boy now, Mother Effer? I don't know. I don't know what a choir is. Will you show us the way to town, Mr. Tree? Follow me! And you see flying. I forgot they could fly. Flying out of the tree. Little Pixie begins just gunning it in one direction. I'm running. I'm following. I'm following as well. Can I have athletics checks on everybody? Because you're all following Little Pixie through the woods. That'll be a 60. A natural 1. A natural 1. I got a 13. I am not an athletic girl. She's good at other things. Guys, I'm here. Seraphina, you're running. You don't remember the last time you ran through the forest. This hasn't been your life. No. And there's a couple of real big routes that you just absolutely trip over and eat it. Everyone else, you would hear this, right? Can I make a sound effect? Guys! Guys, I, um... Um, I'm going to stop and turn around. Seraphina, are you okay? Um, no. I just tripped over a really gnarly route in the ground and It looked like someone shot you. I'm going to walk over and offer her a hand. You know, I've never been shot, so maybe this is what it feels like. And I take Doran's hand. Doran helps you out. Hey, I don't like getting hit either. Oh, um, sorry. I scanned this. Is this the tree talking or another fairy inside the tree? How would you know? Tell me right now how you're kind of... Okay, here's my thought process, right? Is it coming from a visible knot hole in the tree? It is coming from a visible knot hole in the tree. Is the knot hole moving? No. Okay, I think it's in there. As I brush off my pants, I probably look up and go, Thanks, Doran. Sure, no problem. Yeah, whatever. Hey, where did you guys go? We have to hurry! Come on! Sorry, I'll try running again. We can take our time. It's okay. Okay, thanks. Hey, the fastest way is one step at a time. Wow, wow. That was wise and yet somehow so condescending. Thank you. I know you meant well. Wise but condescending is kind of what I go for in real life, actually. I know. It seems like, Doran, you're kind of missing the forest for the trees here. Come on. People at home, I want to let you know that our recording software does not have a soundboard right now, but if it did, I would have played a drum roll. My hands did nothing. I put my hands in front of my face. Boom. Yeah, you've got to do your own soundboard. This is great. Yeah, I forgot. Playing with improv kids. Everyone has a soundboard. I'll try my best. And didn't do it. You were like, oh, yeah, there's the octopus sound. Helen, Helen, can I have that? Can I have an octopus sound, please, Helen? I don't know. It's underwater. It blows bubbles. I don't know. I don't know. I love it. Please don't. You probably hear their tentacles pressing against the sand. Underwater? If you were also underwater, duh. You know they swim. Sorry. We follow the fairy. Cool, so there's a babbling stream with like a herd of octopus nearby. A herd. A fairy. And do you hear the sound of a babbling stream up ahead? Perhaps. Even a babbling brook. What's a babbling brook? Water. As you approach. Sorry, I was going to say, I think at this point I'm just on edge for anything to start talking about. Nice and sweet. You guys all are approaching, but you had to go a little slower. And you hit a point where you no longer... Did she take damage? Did she roll damage? Can we roll the first damage for the podcast? I really don't like Dorne right now. A one. Also a one. How fitting. But like five emotional damage. It's one fully psychic. Yeah, this is just my ego. That's all. Hey Seraphina, we're all going to be okay. You say as you look around and notice that you no longer see the fairy. Or the pixie. I no longer see the pixie. It was here though. We weren't imagining it, right? Mr. Tree? Who among you have dark visions? I do. I'm blinded, but I have superior dark vision up to 120 feet. So, you guys are all realizing now that you're in a little darker section of the forest. The trees form a much better canopy here. And as you look around, you can still see Idaho. You're fine. It's dim. But as you look into the darkness, those of you with dark vision, the eyes get back. Well, everything looks fine here, guys. I think we should just keep going. Follow the path where we were going before. Like, quiet. There's something there. How many eyes do we see? If you look around, you probably see like four pairs of eyes. And they're in different spots. Different heights. Like, sorry, each individual eye? Well, that would be eight eyes total. No, they're sets of two eyes. These are the logistics things that probably don't make sense. So, you see a set of two eyes. The pair is at different levels in different spots. Eight trees in Idaho. Eight tree cyclopses that are in a couple. Good for them! Good for them! Eight tree cyclopses. They're all looking at us. Tinder! It's Tinder! Timber! No, you had it with Tinder. What are you two doing as a reaction to these eyes? Well, so I just said to everybody, be quiet. There's something watching us. I tiptoe over to Doran and go, I see the eyes. I see the eyes. I don't think I have an idea. I could cast fairy fire, but I don't want to make you mad. Staring competition. Is that a bad idea? That's the best idea I've ever heard. I stare at the eyes. That's what the Idaho is doing. Idaho is quiet. Quiet. Looking around for the eyes. And it's just like, I think that he thinks the trees are watching them. Like, clearly in a fairy forest of some kind. High on edge here. Just looking for whatever it is he's looking for as well. I'm yielding the floor to the people who can see more, I think. I'm a good soldier, you know? Gotcha. Gotcha. So you're all staring at the eyes. And from one set of eyes, you hear a bit of a rustling as you feel it beginning to move. These eyes are probably two feet off the ground. And the bush walks a figure. I take a step back. Are we talking like a foot tall figure or like an hour height figure? Like a pixie size? A two foot tall badger standing on its rear legs in a argyle sweater holding a small mug of tea in its hands goes, Well, howdy, y'all. We don't get much of your kind in here. Alright, everybody. I think we can come out now. They don't seem to be attacking me on sight. And you guys see from the forest squirrels, an owl, and ... Somebody name another forest critter. I have one written down. I can't remember it. A stoat. Oh, hell yeah. Squirrels, an owl, and a stoat come out of the forest. That's almost what a stoat is. A stoat, for anybody listening, is a parrot thing weasel. You see, the owl has a bowtie on. The stoat has on pants that are just incredibly long. And the squirrels are naked. Sorry. I kind of whispered everyone. I wouldn't have been so weirded out at the nakedness of the squirrels if the other ones weren't wearing clothes. It's weird that the squirrels being naked is weird. They should be naked, right? I agree. Aren't they making a statement? Should we? You definitely shouldn't, Idaho. And I'm not going to. But maybe we don't ask the squirrels why they're naked. I feel like that would be a bit rude, don't you? That does seem rude, actually. Yeah. Well, y'all, it's a little rude that you're all talking to each other. I'm catching maybe one in five words. Hello! I get naked. Hi! I'm Forrest's friend. No, Idaho. Hi. Hello. May we help you today? No. How may we help you? We're not used to your kind. Really? What are you all doing here? We're a little lost. Actually, yeah. Of course. Yes, can we get you tea? I've got biscuits. Would you like to come to myself? That would be lovely. I would love that. Do you know where we are right now? Where we are now? Yes. You're in The Town in the Forest. That's... Oh, good. Okay. Well, that's a pretty good name. Thank you. Can I ask you something, Mr. Owl? Mrs. Owl? Wait, what's a binary, Idaho? You! Can I have your pronouns? I'm going to steal everyone's pronouns in this course. I don't need them. Okay. You know what? You can keep those. I've gone on a sex kick lately of names and pronouns. I don't want to keep doing this. That's just wrong. I agree. You deserve to keep your pronouns. Thank you. I was going to ask you, have you seen someone else running by this area? Like, has there been any other kind of people in the forest that are odd lately? Like, another... someone who looks druidic, per se? You say this, and can I have an insight check from anybody who wants? To just kind of judge animals' reactions. I'm going to say the DC, which is the thing you're trying to hit, is high, because I'm willing to bet none of you are too good at reading animals' faces. Can I roll as well, then, if we're all rolling? Why wouldn't we roll nature? Because you're trying to base off what they're saying. You're trying to read faces. Well, the squirrels are. The squirrels are so natural, baby. I don't think you guys have honed in on the squirrels. All the owl's wearing is a bow tie. Right, but that's hot. He's sassy. That does it for me. Okay, I will say, so you guys, these are animals, you don't really understand what their faces are making, but Idaho, the badger is human enough that you feel the badger kind of tightens up for a second. You see its little paws grip around its little mug a little tighter for a second as it goes. No, just the usual. Your kinds are very rare, here. Rare since what? No, that doesn't count. A classic maneuver, we learned at Paladin University. Nice one, Idaho, you got him. I think this badger's really lined up. And you know what, I am I don't think lions are the worst thing in the world, but this is something that I want to find out. You know? Can you tell us where this person is? We don't want to hurt you guys. We come in peace. We're just trying to find our friend. Are you about to say that we actually want to hurt you guys? I won't hurt you guys. Let's make that clear. Let's do good paladin, bad rogue. I'm going to step in front of Idaho. I'm going to say He doesn't speak for all of us. We might hurt you. I'm going to try and intimidate these little fuckers. Tell us the truth right now. I want an intimidation check and a persuasion check. I want you guys to do this. And because you're good at copying this, I'll take whichever one's the earliest. Intimidation, that's a 16. Okay, I'm going to take both of those combined. Hey, you don't want my friend here to, like, he's crazy. You don't even know what he'll do. Just talk to me and we'll be okay. You don't want to worry about him. I'm just going to go sit over here for a second while you guys talk. Just remember what I said. Are you going to leave me alone with him? I don't know, Idaho. Doesn't seem like there's much sense trying to reason with him. Hey, Doran, I'm just going to go pee behind the bush for a second. You can talk to him. But please, hey, don't be too, don't kill him. Yeah, you go ahead. Don't worry. I won't. Okay, and I, like, very visibly, like, walk over with Bigfoot behind the bush. So, I'm going to pull out... I pee on the... Cut that, cut that, cut that. I'm going to pull out my dagger and start cleaning my fingernails. Okay, okay, I'll tell you everything I know. You better. Please don't kill me. We'll see. I'd better like what I hear. Okay, yeah, the locust attacks are getting worse. What locust? No, no, no, locust. Locust? What's a locust? Yeah, they're a swarm of creatures that walk on two legs like you all. They're one of the natural forces of the forest. They're like the thunderstorms and tornadoes and floods and fires. You know, it's a natural force. But they walk on two legs and look like you all. The hairless ones. Are they different than us? They haven't threatened me with a knife. He said, I haven't either. I hope you guys are doing okay. What were you saying? The knife disappeared. Tell us about these locusts. It seems like it's a really hard thing. It is. Yeah. Oh my god, yes. It's been really hard for all of us. We just want to know more if we can help. Oh my god, well please, here, let me make you all tea. I need to make some tea. I'm a caregiver, I need to give tea. I will gladly take some tea, please. Alright, the badger leaves you all just slightly off like five feet. She's got her little stump and she like pokes her head in and she like rustles some stuff about and brings you all three very tiny cups of tea. Just bigger than a shot glass. Thank you. Of course, yeah, there you go. And there you go. The locust. I'm not the oldest one here. That would be owl. Sorry, the owl. Whose name is, of course, Bartholomew. Bartholomew the Owl. Bartholomew is the oldest. And, well, Bartholomew, do you care to tell the tale? Yeah. Locusts wear a big horn. Horn? Every. They lie about. They have a mission. They say we don't understand, puny creature. But Owl's smart. Owl knows. They have a mission. Yeah, so that's kind of the gist of what's going on. Bartholomew, you said horns. Do you mean like mine? And Seraphina points to her tiefling horns. No. Like goat. Okay. Okay. Got it. They wear the skull of dead animal. Oh. Be sad. But I don't know about goat. Well, I'm glad it's nobody you know. So, these locusts, what do they do to you? You said they haven't threatened you. What's the problem? They come around and they just kind of kick stuff and cut their names into trees and just general, general poppycock. General poppycock. I kind of. It's already been written down. Is this place like a paradise or something? This is a really low state, like, this doesn't seem that bad. People are dying. I'm just saying to their face, yeah, your problems are nothing. No, like, this seems like very, like I wonder if we've entered a kind of enchanted forest where everything is good. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm not too sure. If it was something, well, if everything was good we'd be with Mordred as well, though. He wouldn't have left us or maybe he's not actually here. I don't know. And also, if everything was good like, there wouldn't be these locusts, you know, killing general poppycock. I mean, that sounds terrible. Right, but it really sounds a lot more like childish shenanigans than, you know, Doran, I wasn't going to say it, so I'm glad that you mentioned that. It does. I mean, I guess here's the thing. Do we fight these locusts? Because I don't think it's worth killing anyone just because they scratched their name in a tree. Just because you've done it doesn't mean it's a crime in some other society, Doran. That's very true. I've scratched my name in a lot of trees. But that doesn't change the main thing. Seraphina's laws are not always a good context for morality. You should remember that. They look off into the sky and look like this. Wow, that's very insightful of you. Maybe they don't want us to kill them. Do you think they know a way out of here? Home? We can negotiate, maybe? It seemed like that one was lying to us. We can negotiate for a little bit. We could also just ask them to help us. That's a possibility as well, you know. I don't know, I had him pretty spooked earlier. I think he told us everything. Seraphina, you feel a little pug at your pants. I look down. There's a little mushroom guy about four inches tall with like a big brow and like wide-brimmed cap. Who are you guys? Hi. Hi. We're not actually from here. I think we're friends. You want to see what I can do? It depends on what you're doing. It takes two steps and then like rolls on the side of its head like a top that's like at the end of its life and it's like spitting. And then it just sits there for a second and stares at you. I can't decide if that's horrible or creepy. Wow, that was fantastic. Could you do that again? He vomits. Creepy. Let's do that again. That's actually okay. Bye. Bye. Bye, little one. That was a really fun guy. Guys, what the fuck was that? I don't know. I'm not really sure what's going on in this town. Christian, can I just make a nature check so I can understand what the fuck is going on here? If you get a natural 20, I'll tell you what's going on. Just tell me the whole plot of the whole campaign. Why bother, right? Yeah, but give me a nature check. Oh, natural 6. If you've been in a forest before and it's pretty like this, you don't remember animals talking, but it's hard to say whether they did or not. I think this is a carnivorous forest. What does that mean? It's like a type of tree. I would like to take a quick look around for a lion, witch, or wardrobe. Unfortunately, we don't see a lion or a witch, but there's a lot of trees and you could probably make a real good wardrobe. Shoot, I should have done a Prince Caspian reference. I'm disappointed in myself now. To be fair, I would be alright if that got cut. That was a little meh. I'm going to turn back to the badger. I'm going to say, good badger. You see the badger, because you guys have been talking to each other for a little while, now has little biscuits for buffering up as you turn around. Just like Turkish Delight. And now you can't cut it. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I think I might cut the canonical reference to Turkey. Yeah, fair enough. Okay, so I say good badger. Do you know how we might be able to get home? No. I don't know where you're from. I know they live up on the mountains, but you can only get to it Sorry, who's they? The locusts. And these are our size creatures? Wearing skull masks. Yeah. That's what I'd call them, anyways. This just might be me, but y'all can call them whatever you want. They can't be any less useful than these guys. Should we go check out the locusts? I have a perception check from every single person. And this is where we die. 21. That's a nat 20. A natural 20. This is a pitch I have for when we do podcasts. Everybody's got to get more excited about natural 20s. A natural 20? Hell yeah. Hey Helen, can you give us that classic Helen one-liner whenever it's a natural 20? Hot shit. Love it. Like I'm always saying. And I always say that. Dorian, there's a small gap in the tree. And while most people wouldn't notice the fact that it had gotten darker above because you guys are in shade, but you are superior, Darkvision. You do. And not only that, but through that small gap, on a natural 20, you see a little funnel cloud coming back. But to be more specific, when I say little funnel cloud, I mean a tornado that is probably like six feet in height that appears to be approaching the ground at a rapid pace. What do you do? Sorry. Sorry, six feet in height. Do I know what it is? Can I check for some kind of knowledge? Yeah, give me a history check. History check, okay. That's 12. This seems to be a tornado monster. You probably haven't actually... You have heard of something like this before. I believe we have. You have met an elemental in your younger days. I believe their t-shirt was an elemental. So you might recognize this as some sort of wind elemental. Guys, there's some kind of wind elemental coming. How close is it? Here any second. Okay. Crap. We better get going then. Badger? An elemental? Badger, do you know anything about this? Any wind monsters? Anything that you've ever seen here? Oh, like a tornado? Sure. Yeah, one killed off half the squirrels last season. Alright, we are calling a lockdown. One of them is coming now. Everybody hide. Oh, everybody hide! And they're scampering its feet, run every which way as people go into these trees. And as you guys call them all to hide, you hear the sounds of trees cracking as this wind elemental lands just a little ways away from you guys. Probably about like 30 feet, 60 feet. Do we all see it at this point? At this point you all see it, because you all rolled decent enough. You all see it as it's like landing and it's kind of like you get a sense it's like looking around. It's kind of like doing like the silly coyote thing where it's like spinning like a little in one direction and then a little in another direction. Yeah. And with that, you hear it let out a cry. The howl of the wind as it starts throwing in size and just destroying everything around it. And then you hear the sound of sort of a crack of lightning. Why do you make a sound when it hits something? Well, the thunder does it. Well, you hear the crack of thunder at the same time as you see the lightning, because the lightning strikes a tree nearby. Specifically, the tree that the owl has a little library that you guys can notice through its little nook. And the wind elemental is going to notice you guys and approach. And with that, can I have you all roll initiative? You can kill as many Forest Creepies as you want, but you will never kill any books. I'd go 12 plus 3, so 15. I'd go 20 for me. So, 15 for Seraphina, 24 for and I don't know, 10 for me. And So, So, you see this thing is headed towards you guys, but it's like slowly moving its way through and it's just destroying whatever it's going just like slowing it down. And with that, you are up first. You can feel yourself buffeted by the strong winds of this thing. As you watch it go, moving towards you guys and next to it is a tree where you see a squirrel dangling on by its paws or whatever squirrels have. Creepy little hand. Human hand. You're like, man. Okay. These are still naked, right? Yes. Now, actually, this one has owl shoes. To what extent do we know about squirrels? No, I'm just trying to figure out if my elemental knowledge is current or aging. You got a 12, so you probably know elementals exist, but you don't know too much else about them. Do you think we would know that elementals can be like killed normally? Because it is like a waiting form, right? But they are strong kind of monsters as well. Sure, but it's not like immune to a sword. Yeah. It's time, Doreen. It's time to fight. If it bleeds, it dies. And sometimes the blood looks a lot like wind. That was exactly the pep talk I needed. It was a very common refrain in Paladin school. So, I am going to start by casting Faerie Fire on this thing. Sweet. So, you light it up, basically? Well, it also gives advantage to attacks against it. Is there a save or anything? Yes, I believe there is a save. You know what? Let's do this like it was the first episode. What's Faerie Fire do? So, the definition of Faerie Fire, it's a wizard spell, first level. Each object in a 20-foot cube within range is outlined in blue, green, or violet light. Your choice. Any creature in the area the spell is cast is also outlined in light if it fails a dexterity saving throw. For the duration, objects and affected creatures shed dim light in a 10-foot radius. Any attack roll against an affected creature or object has advantage if the attacker can see it, and the affected creature or object can't benefit from being invisible. Perfect. So, you light it up. What color is it? Violet. It's the classic throwing dust on the invisible creature. Which works on a big cloud for some reason. That's very windy, but you know what? I can't argue why it wouldn't. So, you light that and the squirrel up. The squirrel is also nearby it. Perfect. Alright. So, that's my action. I'm then going to run behind the nearest tree and attempt to go into spell. Hell yeah. Oh, you've got the rogue abilities now. Spell roll. That's what it is. This one's going to be pretty okay. 22. I've got plus 8. That's fine, I guess. You can do better. Sweet, Dora, you throw up some purified blood behind the tree. What you see next to you is a... You know, I had so many animals written down to be prepared for this, and I can't recall a single one. Basically, like, you see a tree possum. Sentret from Pokemon. Nice. Okay. Tree possum. Six foot tall. No, a tree possum. Next to you, also playing dead and hiding behind the tree. The horned is dead. No way to know. With that, 15. And that's an actor. Is the squirrel still hanging from the tree? Yes. Seraphine is going to... I have enough movement to get to it, probably. Okay. Seraphine is going to run over to it and just yell, Jump! I'll catch you! Alright. I'm going to have Squirrel look at you, and he doesn't know what else to do. It's going to make an athletics check. I'm going to roll a D20. I'm going to say 10 or higher. That's a 4. You watch this squirrel jump towards you, and then get caught in the wind and pull backwards. One out the other side. Does it like... I'm so sorry! I thought I'd catch you! Sorry, little guy! I am going to turn to the wind elemental I'm going to turn to the elemental and cast Vicious Mockery. And I'm just going to say, How dare you! That was my new best friend! You yell at this wind elemental. Do you want me to say what Vicious Mockery is? Oh no! Because of the wind. Thank you. It actually can hear in general, but it's own storm is so loud that when it's going... From your distance, so that does use whatever action or bonus action that is, but from your distance you do determine that if you were closer it might be able to, which is the big buffeting of wind. Then, as a bonus action, I'm going to give Idaho bardic inspiration. What's your inspiration? Go get him, tiger! Sure! Is it my turn? He's like, I am a tiger. Rawr! I'm glad you're up next. Are there any other beautiful forest creatures, woodland creatures that are in immediate danger right now that I can... Between you and the elemental, there was the one tree with the squirrel on it. Then there is the stump. And finally, oh sorry, there's the tree with the squirrel on it, then there's the owl on it, and then there's the stump. Yes. And probably the same with the library too, right? Because it's attacking the library right now, right? The owl is in there, so it would have reached the library at the end of this next turn. I'm going to run over, and I stand in between the tornado and the owl library. And I go, reading is fundamental. And I'm going to attack the... Butterfly in the sky! I'm going to whiff this, aren't I? That's a 12. Okay, 12 is enough. Reading is buffering you. You do manage to hold your ground against the tornado. Read, read! I'm going to hit this fucking thing. And I have a plus, what is it, Helen? You have a plus 1d6. Which you can use after you roll. Ooh, I think that a 16 will hit. I'm not going to use that. Yes, save it. A 16 will hit? You fight, I guess, the witch that you were in your... Bear in mind, you already have advantage. True. Well, I did, didn't I? I don't know. Yeah, you rolled a 12 and a 16. Oh no, 1 was athletic, I guess. Yeah, the second one was my roll, but it's 16 and 14. Oh, yeah. Gosh, that's... I'm going to hit with my great... I have a big greatsword that's notably not foam. Not wood. Real metal. Real copper. Sure is copper. And I can add the bardic to my damage, right? No. No? Okay. No, that's special. 11 slashing. Okay, you guys have done your first damage to this wind. With that, it is now the wind's turn. This giant tornado spinning around locks eyes with you all. Now, it doesn't have eyes, but you get a sense that it locks eyes with you all. And it's going to do three things. The first thing it's going to do is try to hit Wyatt out of the way. So, sorry. The first thing it's going to do... It goes for Wyatt in real life first. Now, you are in the fairy fire range. Is that correct? Me? Well, he wasn't when it was tapped. It's only if they were in range when it was tapped. Sweet. Then that's going to be a 16 to hit. That does not hit me. I might have fucked this up, but I think I have an AC 18. Because this is a paladin, and I have my crazy constitution. I think I have an AC 18. Anger, look! It's in a book! In anger, it's going to try to slap you one more time. That's going to be a 9. You think this is going to kill me? The elemental buffets uselessly at our paladin. This is the power of reading! It's going to use its second action to call lightning on the tree that the owl's in. So, Idaho, I'm going to have you between your decks here. Christian can't kill my character, so he's going for me. You feel lightning. A deck save, yeah. That is a 12. So you take 7 damage as lightning strikes the tree, and you're standing solidly on the ground next to the tree, and you guys see the tree begins to catch fire. And with that, back up to Doran's Trench. Alright, well, I'm going to... Where am I in relation to this thing? You're about 30 feet away from it. Okay, well, I'm just going to grab my shortbow and shoot at it, close style. I also... that'll be a sneak attack. So, I do have bad news. The one thing is... Okay, sorry, I'm reading Faerie Fire now. It's a 20-foot cube. Oh, it's also concentration. That's great. So it's not just one attack, it's the entire time of battle. But it says specifically, like, any creature in this cube when it is attacked is also outlined by light. You're right. I did read up on my own ability. We can roll that. Christian! The elemental couldn't hear. As far as I know, that's how that spell has always worked. Yeah, I think it's a one-time... But it is concentration. Sorry, that's a weird spell. My apologies. The concentration is on having the faerie continue to affect the target, I think. Yes. So here's the funny thing. So you have advantage from that. You have advantage from sneak attack, but you're attacking ranged through wind, which gives you disadvantage. Net advantage. You have advantage. Okay. Excellent. Alright. I can see why you wanted to get to the bottom of that. So I will roll attack on my bow. And that looks like a 20. Not a nat 20. Helen, what's the line on a not nat 20? Wah, wah, wah. I'm so excited for that one. That's a positive event, too. That's crazy. I crave perfection. That is 18. 10 from the shot, 8 from the sneak. Christian, I hope you know that when you pick the D&D players you know for your podcasts, that you pick people who know how to play the game. Christian's adding health to his actions. And then I'm assuming you hide again? Yeah, of course. Coming in action, baby. That'll be a 28, nat 20. Nat 20. Riggity, riggity, riggity, roll. Helen? Is that yours? That's mine, yeah. Riggity, riggity, riggity, roll. I want to change one of that now. Okay, we'll all have our own version of that. Except for Carla. Sorry, Seraphina, what do you do? Yeah, so this thing can't hear us. Can it see us? I said already that you've walked to eyes with it. So I'm going to say yes, but it doesn't have eyes. Okay, okay, and just barreling towards us, like, destroying everything in its path. Well, it's kind of stopped at Idaho right now. Oh. Oh. So it's like wind, Idaho, tree that's on fire with an owl in it. And you hear the owl go, no, I must save this book. No, I must save this book. No, I must save... What album cover is this, eh? I feel like I'm not going to be able to do anything to help in... I've also been thinking about this the entire time it wasn't my turn. Just so you know, I just am not sure what to do. I don't know if any of my magic is helpful right now. Yeah, no, I'm going to run over to the owl and say, look, your tree is on fire. We have to get you out now. Just give me all of your books. I'll take them. Give me, like, a dex, just like a hand check. Oh, okay. Okay, that's 13 plus... You said sleight of hand? Yeah. Plus 3, so that's a 15. I'm sorry, 16. I can do basic math. Yeah, so you grab all these books. The fire, by the time you're done, it's spread, and actually now the roof is starting to fire, like, cave-in, parts of it are starting to drop. But you have all the books. And now the owl is just grabbing a couple other things before running. Running? I'm going to speedily walk after him, because I don't want to... Huh? Nothing. I said, who's saying walk? Ah, I like it. I like it. I'm going to not run, but very speedily walk after him, because I know what happened the last time I tried to run. And as I walk with him, I don't know where Doran is, because I feel like he's probably hidden from me as well, but I'll give you bardic inspiration and just say, Doran, I don't know where you are, but kill him on the next shot. You've got it. Yeah. Just say, from a few feet to your left, you hear a quiet panting. And then you lose the elephant. The elephant just can't hear me. Oh, right, true, true, true. True, true, true. Idaho. Idaho. I am going to use my favorite action to do on my turn, which is attack. Hell yeah. I think I'm still yellow shit. Oh, can you give me one more athletics check, because it's your turn again. I was trying to buff you back. I was. I have an athletics check. 11. You do still have bardic inspiration, I believe. I'm not going to use it on this. Are you going to kill me, Gerson? I'm not going to. I said that these dudes blow, you guys are just starting out. That was a mistake. A mistake in school. Yeah, so it's pushing you back a little, but you can still attack it, and you do have advantage. I was just looking at my abilities here. Fun little treat for Wyatt. I think I'm going to attack it, and maybe we'll see if I do a fight. Okay, I'm going to pause right here for a second. My apologies. Here's your dog whining. I'm going to take it out of play, and bring it back. Kill your dog. I'm going to grab my food right there. Yeah. Wow. Alright. How's it going, Pelham? Good. I feel like I didn't build the best character. I'm not used to playing something that's not going to do a lot of damage in action, and so this is very weird. Bards kind of suck until level 5. Okay, great. They get a little better at level 5, but it's also, I feel like bards are kind of designed almost to be multi-class. The damage output on bards is always a little lackluster. I didn't expect to be a damage-heavy build, but I thought it would be. A lot of the stuff that I have requires hearing, because my character specifically isn't or is to speak things to. This is also a bit of a bad fight for you. Yeah, so I'm just going to help the woodland creatures, I guess. That seems on-brand. I don't know. I think Ulthu's magic is just new to me, so it's a little weird, but yeah. What do you normally play? I've played a barbarian as a whole campaign. Yeah, yeah. Oh, and she was good at it. And then in my other one, I'm a rogue, and that only happens once every month, though, so I don't get to play it much, but yeah. Barbarian is low-key my favorite role. I would say second favorite unless you're playing like, definitely favorite unless I'm playing a high-level character. Because wizard takes the cake at high levels. And then I'm doing a high-level campaign, and I'm a ranger. Or it's higher-er level. I think we're level 9. Yeah, and so I'm a ranger. So, so far, like, teeny bit of magic with my ranger, and then my rogue specifically, he's a yuanji, and so his whole thing is that he's poison, so he gets a cantrip, and I think I'm going to multi-class and take a level in sorcerer just to get some more poison stuff, but that's purely for flavor. It's not that I'm a whole magic build. So, I'm used to heavy damage and just going bonk. Yeah, or here, it's all about the bonk. That's for sure. That's what you're here for. Which is definitely harder to play in a lot of ways. But being able to, like, see a lot of people is awesome. I got a big plate of butter chicken. Life is good for me. Yeah. I also feel like I've not figured out my style of how I'm going to, like, diss people for vicious mockery and stuff and, like, give you guys bardic inspiration. I've not figured that out yet. Well, bear in mind that she's spent a long time working in this tavern. So she might have some pretty salty language under the rug in there. That would be funny if it unnaturally salty or something. It doesn't have to be all the time. But also, sorry, on that note, if you say something first and then say, and I give you bardic inspo, that can help things a little bit with the flow. Okay. You don't have to and it doesn't work all the time, but, like, if you just yell, Joran, wherever you are, you're doing great, and I give Joran bardic inspo wherever he is. That sounds more natural. Before we get back into it, by the way, can you remind me exactly how bardic inspiration works? Yeah, totally. I thought it was on damage as well. So, as a bonus action, a creature other than yourself can 60 feet that can hear you gains an inspiration die 1d6. For 10 minutes, the creature can add it to one ability check, attack roll, or saving throw. This can be added after seeing the roll, but not before knowing the outcome. Sorry, but before knowing the outcome. You can't know the outcome yet. Yeah. Yeah, I thought it was on damage. There's a specific class that lets you do specific stuff. Gotcha. Okay, shall we get back to it? No, it says here specifically, it can be added to one ability check, attack roll, or saving throw. Christian's correct here. I just thought it was on damage. No, I just missed Christian. I know a bunch because I've argued with people and I've been on the wrong side more than I fair share. I got my 17. On my attack roll. Oh, yeah. Just do it to make noise so that there's a thing on the I'm going to be honest, only I need to do it because I know the audio already. Three, two, one. What did you get on your damage roll? I just rolled a 17. And you know what I was saying, a 17. A 17 damage? Oh, my damage roll, I didn't roll yet. Sorry. Nice, nice, nice, nice. That's an eight. Boy, guys, this elemental sure is a pushover. One might say it's a little more than eight. Because I want a divine smite. I want to use my divine smite. What's it look like? Reading rainbows. It's like a rainbow. I think it's a little more He's an oath of literacy paladin. So I am. That's so good, actually. I kind of want to change to that. I am a slightly homebrewed oath. Oath of freedom. It's like basically Oath of Devotion, but we changed that. But I'm wondering if it has like a more I don't think he's divine smitten very many things. But I think that maybe it's like a big theme of light with maybe some fiery theme to it, too. I like that. Okay, so I can't. Big theme of light that's like got some like fire and like little sparks or something. Splashes into him. The owl finds my damage. I did. That's another nine. So eight plus nine. There's your seventeen. It was a seventeen. Alright, you see this elemental starts getting mad and it just goes and it like becomes this very large tornado. It's a big pop up thing. And I'm going to need strike saving throws from Idaho. And I think I'm going to say Seraphina, you would probably still be within range. This is a joke for just Christian to cut out, but is this what happened to Winifred? That's going to be a fifteen. That's a deep hole wire. Fifteen minus one, so fourteen. For strength saving throw, right? Yeah. What about you, Idaho? Five. Bad roll. So Idaho, you get flung back into the tree behind you and you take six bludgeoning damage. Seraphina, you get knocked back just like five feet, but you manage to keep your ground. It also helps that you walked away. With that, it's going to do two things. One, it's going to take one more swipe at Idaho and just pray. Cool. That's a thirteen. You see this wind creature just frustrated. Just mad that it can't hit this one person. He doesn't understand what a person is. He just can't hit something. So he's going to look around for the nearest thing to hit. And on the ground, there's going to be a little mushroom rolling around. And it's going to cast lightning onto the mushroom. Sorry, it tried to attack me, right? Yes. So is it moving away from this mushroom? No. Darn. I'm sorry. I want to save the mushroom. The mushroom needs to roll a natural twenty on its saving throw to die. I'm going to roll a 10d20. Oh no. Oh my god! Hell yeah! Do we mama! Let's go, mushroom boy! The lady hits the ground next to the mushroom. The mushroom just doesn't react. It absorbs it. The lady hits the mushroom. It goes through the mushroom into the crowd. The mushroom's like, Weeeee! It's like the scene from Avengers 1 when Iron Man gets hit. Oh, okay. The mushroom starts glowing. We've awakened a god. This wind elemental is furious at this point. You feel rage and unheathered anger coming from it. And it's frustrated. Thorin, what do you do? I'm going to shoot it right in the rage. Straight shot with my handy shortbow. I kind of feel bad for this thing. That's a 21. I'm assuming that's going to hit. And that would be 13 damage. Thorin, do you want to describe how the wind dissipates as you kill the wind elemental? Well, as my arrow sinks itself directly into the middle of this buffeting tornado, it seems to catch on something. And the wind slowly collapses in on itself around the site where the arrow hit until there's nothing left. And the arrow clatters to the ground. And the wind elemental and you guys feel peaceful. And then little head pokes its way out from under the stump and goes, Is it over? I think so. Yay! They did it, everybody! And we all, oh, we almost all lived. Who died? Oh, did the squirrel die? You guys see marching back from the other side of wherever the hell the squirrel was going to is the squirrel. And the squirrel goes, yep, I died. I'm sorry. I tried my best. I didn't quite make the jump. It died? What? Excuse me, Mr. Squirrel. I find that hard to believe. Sorry. Sorry, everybody. You guys are new here. Can you give us a second, please? And all the animals, you guys see even more animals come out from around probably like eight or nine that surround the squirrel. And I'll just give the squirrel a really big hug. And the squirrel goes, it's been great knowing all of you. Please keep me in your memories. And the owl goes, no. I will let it be my time. And the squirrel goes, you don't have to do that. No. It is time for me to move on. You, Seraphina. Keep my books. May they give you knowledge. Okay. Thank you. Um. Thank you. You, small toad person. Guess she wasn't a toad. I love you. Ribbit. I feel the same. That was all him talking, right? That wasn't me. No. Oh, sorry. That was for the owl, right? Yes. That was all them. And with that, the owl fades away into nothingness. Can I, like, do a lay on hands or something at any point during any of that? You can do stuff now. I know you've taken damage, I'd hope, but has anybody else taken damage? I wasn't keeping track. No, I'm pretty sure it never even saw me. Okay. But Idaho took damage? Idaho took a little bit of damage, yeah. Can we talk about whatever that was? Can I address a question to the, excuse me, Mr. Badger? What just happened to the owl? Yeah. All of that. What just happened? Bartholomew will be in our hearts forever. Right, right, right. Bartholomew will come to time to think about four dead animals, and Bartholomew sacrificed himself. You see, Bartholomew was already a death echo, whereas now our new squirrel friend, Tammy, just became one. Can you please explain what a death echo is, Mr. Badger? Oh, yeah, of course. A death echo is, you know, when you die. Like, you know, everything dies. The memory of you and your loved ones and people that knew you keeps you going forwards until second death. You're all looking at me weird. I did not know that. I gotta be honest, it doesn't normally work that way where we come from. I looked back at the rest of the group. Guys, are we are we dead? We didn't really talk about that. Is that upon the table here? Is this heaven? I actually didn't even consider that. This can't be heaven. Animals tend to be able to sense out those who are dead, and I don't think that's any of you. Huh. Good. Is that a death echo? You just die, and then what? Yeah, it's a pretty permanent thing where we're from. You're just gone. Unless one of the divine brings you back. You've actually stumbled upon a source of great debate at dinner. You also don't get to choose if it is your time or not, so can you explain a bit why, or how, really? The squirrel didn't... died, but didn't die. Yeah, the squirrel can tell you I died. I tried my best. I died. Now I'm dead. And at some point, either everyone who ever knew me will die, and then I would die with them, or I could be stabbed. But how come Bartholomew went in your place? Were you going to, like, second death die? The only way to stay going is to have those around you think of you, and spend time thinking of you. Not just the memory of you, it's the act of, you know, you know how when you spend time with your friends? These are your friends. You've probably spent tons of time with them. And when you spend time with them, or even when you just spend time thinking with them, that's time towards that friendship, and that bond grows. It's like that. You have to spend time thinking about those who passed to really keep them going. And unfortunately, we have a rule, because enough people die, that we only count forward to deads. Who made this rule? That seems pretty arbitrary. Is it just like a rule of culture? Fair enough. So quiet. This has been really weird. Well, please, we invite you all to stay the night. We could make a small batch. Better than wandering off into the dark alone, I guess. We could make you all tea. Tea would be nice. Thank you. I think he's right. Guys, we should stay here tonight and figure out what we're going to do tomorrow. Tammy, do you mind if I have a talk with some of my friends, quickly? Please. Look, I think this place is a little weird. I don't know if our deaths are going to be permanent, or if we get second deaths because we're here, but I feel like tomorrow we should really go up and check out the locusts, but I wouldn't bet on having second deaths ourselves, so I think we should do it very carefully, but I think we have to check out, right? I think it's our only real lead here. At least they might know a way to get us home. Or find Mortrid. I don't know why, these animals are pretty weird. They're very, like, happy. They haven't really seen any hardship, really. I guess swarms killing them are hardship, but like Oh, that's true, but they've been a bit taciturn, haven't they? They're taking it pretty lightly all day. Well, I learned a lot. Um... Cool, so yeah, I think we should go up that way. We should stay the night first. I want to make friends with this mushroom. You see the mushroom's been at your feet this entire time? How did you do that? I'm mushroom! Are all mushrooms immune to lightning? I am! I don't know any other mushroom. You're immune to lightning. I'm immune to lightning. I glow now, too. I pocket the mushroom. It's a little big to fit in your pocket. Oh, I'll put it in the bag. I'm bringing this with me. That's a living creature, Idaho. Our noble paladin is going to kidnap a mushroom. I'm not kidnapping the mushroom. I want to bring it on our quest. You're right, you're right, you're right. Would you like to come on an adventure? I knew the thunder guy was going to come. You did? Do you know anything else? Is there a new elemental that comes here every day? No. Did something special happen that is suddenly coming one after another? I don't know. I'm not mushroom. Do you have a name, friend? No. Would you like a name? What should we name our friend? Squishy. I like the name Squishy. Squishy really kind of dehumanizes it to just one of its traits. What if we called it Mushroom? What about Micelle? I like Micelle, too. That's good. Alright, well, Micelle, good fungus. How do you know that there is a fire guy coming tomorrow? Four. Dr. Mushroom. So you're all interconnected. I guess. I don't really think about it too much. But watch, I can do this, and he starts spinning on the top of his head again. Wait, um... I'd like to think back to my knowledge of strange creatures and try and figure out if I can determine what our new friend is. Give me an Arcana, Nature, or History check. Arcana it is. That would be a... Someone else. Wait, no, hold on. I'm going to use my Bardic Inspiration. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can also do a History. I've got great History. Well, I have plus four Arcana. Oh, that didn't work. And my Bardic Inspiration is non-functional. Just roll a defect. I'm trying. The flash has to go first. Thank you. There it is. Okay, that's four, so that takes me to twelve. That doesn't quite get you there. You haven't seen something like this before. But you can do a History check if you want, Therafina. That'll be an eleven plus. Four, so fifteen. So, you two are probably both taking a look at this. And Doran, you're like trying to think of all the magical stuff and maybe you start listing stuff off. And Therafina, you remember a magical method that would produce this, which is called Awakening, which is something where you give a sentient or a non-sentient thing sentience, but it has to be a living thing. Sorry, this is on the mushroom. Yeah, it doesn't mean that that's the spell cast, but it's an effect that's very similar to that is what you can concur. Okay. And would this have had to have been done by somebody very powerful or a common thing? Like, giving something sentience is strong, like, druidic magic. Hey, guys, if I remember correctly, I think I've seen something like this before. I think this mushroom is on Awakening, which is a very powerful magic, and I have no idea why whoever did it would have chosen this little guy. Hold on a second. Wait, what type of magic is it? What I know? He just told you it was druidic. Oh, oh, it's druidic. You don't think? No way. Has he gotten that powerful? It's the fucking old man. It's gotta be. Oh, fuck. I thought it was named Mordred, but that makes no sense. I mean, we were trying to follow him here. That's true. That's true. Maybe he was a little bit ahead of us. Hey, excuse me, myself. Yeah? Have you met an old man who occasionally looks like a pile of leaves and talks like an insane person? Nope. Have you met a, um... My dog is yelling his head off. Okay. That's fine. I can't hear him at all. I can't either. I also apparently just am not listening tonight, because I did not hear druidic power. Okay. Thanks for catching that call. Christian tried to tell me I didn't even tell him there was a dex roll in there, so. That's true. That's true. Hmm. How are you guys doing? Pretty good. I'm fine. Yeah. I was quite sick last week. Monday was the last day that I actually, like, had it together. I had, like, a little tickle in my throat, and then Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I was basically eating that all day. Damn. It hit me out of nowhere. Did you poke around? Yeah. Okay, good. Yesterday was really the first day I was feeling kind of, like, back to normal. Okay. Good. I'm glad it's not as bad as it was. Christian, what's up? The mushroom's fallen asleep. The mushroom fell asleep. I would give my life for this mushroom. The mushroom's, like, drilling just a little bit. Okay. I think you should bring this mushroom. Why so with me? I mean, now that he's agreed, I'm totally on board. I just want to kidnap a mushroom without asking him if he wants to. Therapeuta, you're so right, and thank you for calling me out on that. I have a lot to do to improve as a person, and I'm working on it every single day. As you should. I always have the space for you to tell me things I might not want to hear at night time. Good. Good. And I will continue to check you. And I'm a treble. You know that? Okay, with that, you guys go to sleep for the night. You'll wake up in the morning fully rested, fully healed. I know who wakes up an hour earlier and he's doing the snow white with all the animals. No, I'm not doing that. You get the sense that the animals are varying levels of banned. You all wake up. You wake up a little early, I know, but everyone wakes up. Actually, I think, Dorian, you're also trans. You don't sleep yourself then. So basically, you all wake up and you get up in the morning, and the little mushroom guy goes, the fire guy's coming from that way, and points into the forest. Okay, do we stay in flight or do we go up the hill to see the, what do they call it? Is that towards the hill? No, so as you guys can look out of the trees, kind of in the gaps, you can kind of see that the hill is what we'll call east, and this guy's pointing like southwest, kind of in the direction you guys came from. I want to be clear that I am not invested in what happens to them, but if we leave now, this fire elemental is going to kill all of these animals. Surely one of you must care about this, right? I care, but also I do want to point out, and listen, we're going to stop this fire elemental, but I'm just trying to get a grasp on what is going on in this village, because it seems that they were pretty nonplussed when the elemental came. I'm very interested in saving the lives of little animals, but I'm not interested in saving the lives of immortal animals. I think they were pretty clear that they're not immortal so much as just that they can die. And, yeah. This also isn't something that happens regularly, so I don't think they're entirely prepared for it. To be fair, first of all, myself, love him, great addition to the group, not the most reliable narrator. So, I'm not necessarily sure that we can do that. I think it's worth investigating. Because maybe fire elementals might be able to communicate a bit better. They don't have wind blowing through their ears. Are they all deaf for sure? That's a reasonable interpretation. And, Serafina, I'll say you remember this, because it was a key moment of your childhood, is that your teacher was a female elemental, which is half fire. Half fire, half wind. Wait, is she the baby of these two elementals? Wouldn't she be half fire, half water? Probably. You know, I don't understand my element. I don't know my element. Wind and fire would be like a fire native. That'd be horrible. That'd be horrible. And then water and wind is like, you know, you have a really... A tidal wave? Or like after Taco Bell. Well, earth and water. They call that the old mudslide element. Y'all are not getting any more bardic inspiration from me. You can die. Yeah, if they can ever catch me. You're propelling yourself away. Oh, man. We were making poop jokes. You don't have to. Please cut this out. I have to listen to it to know when to cut it. Please cut it. So, what's the plan? Where are y'all headed? We're discussing, at the end of the day, I think we've come to the conclusion that if we leave, these animals will all die. And dying is bad. Yeah, we saw how useless they are. Can we talk to Micelle quickly? Yeah. Micelle, you said that there was going to be a fire elemental today. Is there another one coming tomorrow? Are they just coming one after another? I don't know. You don't know yet? I don't know. Okay. Do you know where it is? Let's talk to this badger. At least he was doing full sentences. Hey, what's going on? Sorry, I overheard you guys. I was coming to the hatch to bring you all and the badger revealed a plate of crumpets. You are the nicest badger I've ever met. And I want to take this opportunity to apologize for threatening you. I didn't realize. You've been nothing but welcoming. When you guys were in a stressful situation, I want to thank you all for saving all of our lives. We're all eternally grateful. I don't know what we would have done. Excellent. Well, our new friend here, Micelle, seems to be under the impression that there's a fire elemental coming this way. Would you happen to know anything about that? Micelle is the wisest of us all. Did we stumble upon his real name? Sorry, did you not say Micelle? He said Micelle, but we didn't identify who it was. Micelle's a mushroom, no? Yeah, I know, you're right, you're right. But that's okay. How often do you deal with mushrooms? We made it up. If there's only one mushroom. I feel like this doesn't really matter right now. Not the point. There's a fire elemental coming. Probably. Please, weigh in on this. Okay. This is Micelle the Mushroom. The most reliable narrator. Uh, Micelle, our new mushroom friend here, I show him Micelle, thinks there's a fire elemental coming after the wind one that was just here yesterday. Do you know anything about this? He actually did. He did say he was already on the way. Oh, my god, then go, please. If you, if, we can't... But it's coming here. Okay, calm down. Breathe. In and out. In and out. Okay. Um, the wind whispers of a fire elemental that came a millennia ago. I don't even know what a millennia is. Don't worry about it. Usually, or is the wind elemental the most... There's been natural events. We would have just called that a tornado. What happened yesterday? What other natural events have been happening? Floods. It not always happens here, though. We, life gets destroyed. People die. Like water, earth, fire, air kind of natural events? People like, like floods, tornadoes. No great fires. No, no, no, what monsters, no elementals, as you call them. Fire, but there's been small fires that have happened. What else? Pests, the locust swarms. Disease in the trees, sometimes. Oh, my god. I think that's a plague. There's a plague. Y'all got locusts and locusts? Locusts. What did you say? Locusts? You just said there was locust swarms. I'm just trying to confirm. You got locusts and locusts? Sorry, locusts is the singular. When they're in a group, they call them locust swarms. Check that. Or they call them locust swarms. I've never, to be honest, we hide a lot. Loci, I think, actually. That does not sound very nice. It was actually lo-fi. They beat us mercilessly. I tried to hold it down that one. I'm so sorry. Hey, everyone listening, you can listen to our Patreon. You can subscribe to us and hear more witty banter. Yeah, plug that now. We'll hear it later. But once it's made, it might be made by the point you're hearing us, you know? Alright. Sorry, please run. I forgot. We got distracted. You want us to leave you? Well, we'll pack up and move. Is it coming right here, myself? That's your name, right? This is something I'm just piecing together now, maybe. This badger is so sharp. I don't know. It's just gonna show up there. There? Where is there? So, to be clear, it's headed towards us from back the way we came. And the opposite direction is the hills where the locusts are. Not exactly the opposite, but yes. More or less. I think we run for the hills, guys. I think so as well. Here we go. Maybe not quite run. I'm not sure if we're that great at it. That's true. You and I are not running. But, uh, I will respect the group's choice. I say run. Sarah, what's the tiebreaker? The only reason I don't think we should fight the Elemental is because they're specifically asking us not to fight and to run. That's all. You can all fight. Sorry, I misspoke. You can all fight. We're going to run. We have no chance of fighting it. Are you fleeing? Are you fleeing this place? Well, we're gonna just pack up so that we can move. You can go downstream. No. Oh. You don't know. You don't know what? Not my place. Not my place. And she hurries out. Myself? Yeah? What did your friend mean? Um, not... Well, Myself, we're your friends now. You can tell us. Do you want to tell us what your friend meant, Myself? I don't know. I really can't. I really don't know. Are you sure? I also wasn't listening, if that helps. Thanks, Myself. Thanks. I'm here any time, except if I'm asleep. Except if you're not listening. Got it. Yay. Christian, hey, I just want to make sure. I just don't want to fuck up and break my oath in session. Not even a real session. It's a thing, right? Are they fleeing? Like, they're packing up and going? They're fleeing. They're not asking you guys directly to fight it. I think I would still be obligated to, if they were in danger, save them. But if they're leaving, I think that's fine. To the mountain vault. Can I have a survival check? Not me. I'm a plus zero? Yeah. I'm a minus one. Wait. I'm not wise. Oh, okay. Onwards, and I head the runway with my six for survival. You actually have the right one. There's a mountain vault. You can all see it in a moment. So you guys head towards the mountain. After about an hour of walking, because it takes a long time to go places, you guys take a moment, take a deep breath. You look up, and you all look at the mountain. And the mountain is now further away than it was last time. Idaho. The mountain is tricky. Idaho. Did they teach you tracking and navigation in that fancy school of yours? Well, I was on a paladin track for a while. But not focused on choral music. You know, Doran, I learned in paladin school to give a compliment sandwich, so I'm going to give you a compliment sandwich right now. I really appreciate how committed you are to a bit. But, Doran, I'm not a good singer. I don't think that your assessment of me is very accurate here. You're telling me you got kicked out of the choir, Fireboy? What? Fucking choir boy? I didn't get kicked out so much as never admitted. What? What? Where did that come from? Idaho, your dig was that you think his assessment of you is bad. That was your dig. Are you telling me you're a wannabe fireboy? Okay. Okay. Well, who wouldn't want to be a choir boy? Choir boy? Okay. Oh, Idaho, I love you. Guys, there's an elemental coming. And as my last compliment, I love you to Doran. Well, we're an hour away. Are we? I feel like we've been going in the opposite direction. The mountain's not shrinking. Right. Mountains don't shrink usually. You guys are back with me. We do not intervene. The Sprite's coming to the train. Are you the same Sprite? Yeah, uh-huh. Maybe can I try and leave us, maybe? Okay, goodbye. No, we're not going to leave immediately. You can have a conversation with us. Sorry. Oh, that's fine. No, it's just good seeing you guys again. You as well. So, excuse me. Sorry, Mr. Pixie. We seem to be getting farther away from the mountain, and there's something funny about that in that we have been walking toward it. Do you know what's going on? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The circle. The circle. The mountain is a circle. So we can't get- No, of course. Of course it's a circle. So, how do we get to the mountain? Gotta know the path. Gotta know the path. Who'd know the path? How do we learn the path? I don't know. Locusts probably know the path. That's actually who we're trying to find. Well, that's probably why they know the path. But they're on the mountain right now, of what we know. Well, then, yeah. So they can take the path down, and then you can take it up with them. So, good Pixie, do you know some way we might be able to get in contact with the locusts? Keep calling me good, but I am empirically evil. Okay. Evil Pixie, is there a way that we might make contact with the locusts so that they could let us in? Are you, by any chance, allied with them? Nope. Do you know anyone who is? No. Pretty much every single person here. Person meaning all fey, fairy, creatures, all life, doesn't like the locusts. What about death? What about people who've undergone a death, and then a second death, or if not people, creatures? Nope. They pretty much all hate the locusts. They're still alive, by the way. You should know this. They're not dead yet. They're just not alive. They're dead once. What did I just say? Yeah. It's a confusing situation. Don't worry about it. They're death echo. How can we get a message to the locusts that we want to visit them? Burn the forest. How can we get a message without burning the forest? Freeze the forest. What? Just damage the forest. Cut down a bunch of trees in the shape of a sign with your name on it. Okay. How would that... So, what? Presumably, there's a fire elemental somewhere behind us burning the forest. That's true. He's coming right now. Oh, cool. He's over there. He's only over there. Thank you, Michelle. Everyone, I suggest we hide. He's coming to where we are right now, Michelle. You have to go through a portal. A portal? The one we came through? I don't know. I feel like we let the fire elemental destroy the forest, and then we see the locusts, and then go back up with the locusts. In my schooling, we learned a tale of a powerful brown bear, and he inspired some wisdom onto us. That only you, only you, can stop forest fire elementals. So I think we should do that. And we should fight this elemental, and save the forest, and probably while we're doing that, some trees will burn, and we're going to get the attention of the locusts. I don't know how in this moment you realized that that was an awakened bear. Honestly, that would have been great information to remember. Oh, damn it. Right. I forgot about that. Man, that was weird that there was a bear teacher at class. I can't believe you met Smoggy the Bear. Smoggy the Bear. I know. Um, so guys, I really think we should reconsider this whole fighting thing, because a big part of my training was that getting burned alive is unpleasant. A small little spiral, a red spiral, appears in front of all of you. And it starts growing slowly inside. I was never trained, but I don't think I want to be burned alive. Should we negotiate again? With whom? With the fire element. Elementals are humans too. Can it hear us? Clara, let's let him negotiate. Can it hear us? We know this? No. One way to find out. I'm going to treat it like it deserves. Are you going to be doing the talking here at Idaho? Do you want to help me? I could. We could both do some talking, maybe I could do some talking and negotiating. Please, yeah, I would love to. I would love to support you in any kind of way. I hold my finger up to the portal. One second. I take some steps back. I'm going to give you guys some cover. I'm going to back up and hide behind the nearest tree. Seventeen. That is a terrible stealth test. I'm taking steps back until I'm at the brink of where the forest starts, just so I can step back out of the clearing just in case. But I'm still visible. I'm still visible to the elemental once it comes out of the portal. But I'm close to the refuge of trees. On the other side. So you're both at the edge of the clearing, and you're in a tree, or just behind a tree? Behind a tree at the edge of the clearing? The idea of being sort of out of range and out of sight. At least out of melee range. So I'm thinking thirty feet away. Somewhere in the tree line. Roughly where the tree line is, which would probably be a little shorter. I'm going to ask for everyone to remember exactly where they are. And perhaps write it down, because that's where we're going to end the session. Love it. So are we going to have another one of these? Again, without Carlos? Next week we'll be with Carlos, and then Are we picking up from here? Like, we're going to meet up with him, or is this going to be like a disconnected thread? Or is it Carlos coming through? Or is Morgan coming through the portal? That's a great question. And you know what? Maybe I know, maybe I don't. But I do. But I do know. I'm going to de-record here. I'm going to de-record here.