my biggest fears

The speaker is excited that their new microphone is working well and sounds much better than their previous setup. They also mention that TikTok was down but they could use a break from it, although they rely on the app for information. They talk about their plans for the day and their struggles with understanding the different settings on their microphone. They also mention a frustrating experience with their previous setup and a conversation with a friend about their respective crises. They end by mentioning trying a new restaurant. Okay, well, welcome back, um, hello, oh my god, I sound so fucking good. I was like, is that really what I sound like whenever I was with the other whole setup, which was a whole fucking setup, whatever. Now I'm just using this microphone that my brother had, and he tried to give it to me the other day, but I was fucking going through... Sorry, I was just moving that, I didn't know you would be able to hear that. But, yeah, I was going fucking through it, I didn't know what was going on, everything was pissing me off because I couldn't fucking figure out this audio and how to just get everything where I want it to be, but I guess that doesn't fucking matter, the whole issue, and it was frustrating because I couldn't tell if the issue was just how it was going to sound and then once I get to the app I should be able to edit it and move everything around, or if it was the interface I was using, or if it was the microphone, or this, or that, or the headphones, and so I was losing my fucking shit, but I literally just took all of that aside and only have a microphone in front of me with a pair of headphones, and all of a sudden everything was working fucking fantastic. I sound phenomenal, by the way, thank you. And, yeah, I was like, am I really just talking talk? Like, mumble every word I say? But, yeah, clearly that was just an issue I was having with my other setup, so this is already a fucking billion times better, and I really shouldn't have to fix that much. So, I'm really excited about that, I'm feeling really fucking good, because I was honestly feeling pretty discouraged because I've recorded so many episodes, I guess, and just kind of bullshit, and I was just like, holy fucking shit, if I can't figure out this audio, like, I don't even know what to do, there's no point in even still recording because it just sounds so fucking bad. But here we are, bitch, here we fucking are, and I think it sounds really good. I don't know what any, like, it has a volume button so I can kind of control how loud I'm being, and then it has a gain, and then it has a pattern button, but I don't know what the pattern does, and I don't know what any of it does, honestly. I have the volume turned up to a good amount, and I honestly just want to leave it alone because it already sounds so much better than it has this entire time. Thank you, Jesus, thank you. But, let's see, today is Sunday, I'm just recording a little bit, it's fucking freezing outside, it's like 20 something, but it feels like 16 degrees out, so I'm absolutely not a fan of that. I'm out in the shop, I've got two pairs of pants on, I have a pair of leggings and sweats over top, because, yeah, I'm fucking cold, and my feet are freezing, I wish I had another pair of socks. Um, TikTok came back today, we were, me, Cheyenne, and Jaylen went out to dinner last night, and while we were sitting there, I guess Cheyenne found out that her fucking TikTok wouldn't work, and yeah, we were all like, what the fucking shit, like, what the fuck, and then Jaylen got on hers, and I was like, I'm not getting on mine yet, like, I'm still in denial. Then I eventually get on, and it lets me, it scrolls, I scroll a little bit, but once I get to the bottom, like, it probably played like 10 videos, and then it was like, and then it gave me the notification whenever I tried to refresh it. So, yeah, I was without TikTok, we all were, but, whatever, I, yeah, it was, I don't know how I feel about it, because I'm like, I honestly could use a break from TikTok, like, I think that would be good for me, just because I spend, like, probably about an hour-ish, give or take, every single day on TikTok, which I feel like is pretty common, I feel like everyone kind of does that, but I don't know. Maybe it would be good for us to have a little break. Maybe it wouldn't. Because also, every time I need to look up anything or find out anything, you know where I go? TikTok. I'm going and I'm searching on TikTok whenever I need anything, and it always helps me, 100% of the time. So, I definitely don't want to have a complete cutoff from TikTok, I just want to, like, maybe not brain rot scroll as much. Whatever. I'll still do it, bitch. As soon as TikTok was back on, everyone in my house was like, oh my god, is your TikTok working? Oh my god, is your TikTok working? And all of us was working, except for my mom. So that was kind of funny. Then I scrolled for a little bit, and yeah, here we are. It's 3 o'clock. Fuck. Fuck. I feel like my whole day is gone now. But I don't really have a lot else to do. I just need to do my shower, which Sunday is my hair wash day, so it's a pretty long shower. But, I mean, it's 3 o'clock. It's going to take me, like, an hour-ish. So, that's not what I planned, but I don't know, I like to go outside on my days off, but yeah, like I said, it's fucking freezing right now, so I really don't want to be outside at all. But at least I have some windows in here. I'm getting some sunlight, I'm getting some vibes going. Honestly, I'm so fucking excited this microphone is working right now. I'm like, I don't even care what the fuck I say. I don't even care how random this is. I'm just glad you can fucking hear me clearly. I can hear me clearly, like, fuck. Which, I don't know, like, I don't know if I'm just a fucking idiot, but I just had no idea, and I didn't want to, like, return this whole shit that I bought, because I'm like, I don't know if it's that, like, because it gave me headphones, and so I can hear myself, like, live as I'm talking. But it would be like, I wouldn't even move, and there would just be random feedback, or random little, like, popping, or it would just, like, sound, my regular voice just sounded, like, kind of, like, I mean, you fucking heard it if you heard the other episodes. I don't know what that sounds like, it just doesn't sound good and, like, clear and crisp. Here, we're fucking crisp. But I also have this other little device thing that is a, a plosive, and so whenever I make that p-p-p noise, p-p-p, like that, how it pops, that was without it, and then this is with it, p-p-p. I, like, whatever. I don't fucking know. Apparently, like, I don't know. I just, I don't know. I was just holding it over the mic right now, so you could hear it, but it's attached to my other mic. Um, so, honestly, I don't think I really need it. Maybe, I don't know. I feel like nobody can fucking complain a word, because we're already doing way better than we were. I want to change, I want to click a little button real quick. Um, and this is the recording level. I only want it to go up to a certain point, because I don't want to be screaming in your ear, but I also don't want to be whispering in your ear. So, I'm pretty sure that's how I adjust it, but even then, like, I don't know. It's still a little bit complicated. So, yeah. I don't fucking know. I don't know. And then, again, I literally, like, I can't explain to you how much I don't fucking know what I'm doing. Like, I feel like I need to just keep reassuring that, because, I don't know. I don't want you to think that I know what I'm doing, and be like, holy shit, she sucks. Like, I know I don't know what the fuck is going on. So, with that being said, I have a little interface, and that's pretty much my other setup. My microphone plugged into the interface, and the interface plugged into the computer. But, I'm like, I don't really know if I need the interface. It really just seems like it's better, like, sound quality, but, I wouldn't really call that better sound quality, girl. Like, it sounded like shit. Right now, I have no interface. I have no plosive. I have no windscreen. I have no nothing. I literally just have a microphone in front of me, and headphones in, and we're fucking 10 out of 10. It's great. Better than it's ever been. So, I'm so excited. I feel like we're starting all over. Off to a good start. Pop your fucking pussy, bitch. I don't know. I recorded a whole episode, like, yeah. I guess I probably came out here at, like, noon, and I recorded an episode, and then it just sounded like shit, and I was trying to save it onto a little hard drive, but it was taking too fucking long, and it sounded like shit anyway, and I was like, you know what? I just want to mess with this other microphone and just see, because whenever I tried to mess with it the other day, I was just so fucking over it, because nothing was working, and I had been messing with it for, like, probably, like, four hours, and then my brother was like, oh, I have a microphone. I'm like, okay, cool, and I tried to plug it in, and then the audio, everything was, like, fucking up. My app was fucking up, and then I was like, I can't even fuck with this. Like, I just want to go back to my other shit and make that work, and then I go back to my other shit, and then it wasn't fucking working, because it was, like, trying to connect with this microphone, and, like, it was just a fucking shit show. So, I just threw it aside and went back to my whole other setup I had before, and, yeah, I couldn't fucking figure that out for, like, an hour, and then Jalyn called me, and her fucking, like, she was having an annoying day, too, and then this fucking, like, rock or some shit came up and fucking hit her windshield and, like, fucked her shit up, and so, yeah, we were pretty much just on the phone, like, fuck my life right now, bro, like, I cannot, I cannot catch a fucking break, and so, yeah, that was nice, because, you know, we were there for each other in crisis, and we were both in a crisis. It was great. It was fun, and, yeah, we survived that, but, anyway, last night, I mentioned that we were at a restaurant whenever we, whenever TikTok went down, and then the restaurant we went to, it was our first time, or, it was me and Cheyenne's first time. I thought it was Jalyn's first time, but apparently not. She hates us. She went without us, and it was called Longhorn Steakhouse. We just got it probably, like, six months ago. It's kind of been there for a second, but it was, like, really fucking good, like, 10 out of 10. I loved it. I loved everything about it. I got a burger and a loaded baked potato, and then Cheyenne got this, like, Parmesan something chicken and caramelized Brussels sprouts, and then Jalyn got a steak and then mac and cheese, and we all got different sides, because those were the three sides that we all wanted, and so we shared them. The Brussels sprouts, 10 out of 10. So fucking good. They were, I love any Brussels sprout, but, like, these were so amazing, and then the mac and cheese had this, like, crust on top, and it was just, like, the perfect, like, texture. It was the perfect crust. It wasn't, like, too crunchy or, like, overwhelming. It was just, like, a perfect little, like, in your fucking mac and cheese. Sorry, I didn't mean to, like, I feel like that sounded gross. It was, like, I don't know. Whatever. You're welcome. And then, yeah, my burger was really good. Yeah, loaded baked potato was so good. Brussels sprouts good. Cheyenne's chicken she got was so good. I didn't try Jalyn's steak, but I tried her mac and cheese, and that shit was so fucking fire. It was so good. And then, to top it all off, I had a dragon fruit margarita. 10 out of 10. And it was fucking beautiful. It was, like, dragon fruit color. Like, that bright, like, pink love. 10 out of 10. It was so good. And then, oh, and then we had bread. Like, they brought out bread in the beginning, and that was good too. I mean, not 10 out of 10, but, like, I'm satisfied. Like, no less than a 6. Like, it was fucking good. Yeah, it was a lot of fun, and it was so delicious. And then, yeah, we went home, and we watched 13 Going on 30. It was so good. But I fell asleep during the movie, and I'm sure Cheyenne did too, because I feel like we typically fall asleep, like, right about the same time. Like, um, I don't know. I feel like she usually falls asleep right before me, but as soon as I see she's asleep, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to bed too, bitch. But I was invested. Like, I haven't watched 13 Going on 30 in kind of a hot minute, and I don't know. Like, it was really doing it for me. I was, like, I was invested. But then I was like, okay, I'm going to bed now. Like, I did my time. But I got, like, I don't know. I saw the whole party, and all the dancing. It was a thriller. Like, I got a good weigh-in. I don't know. I feel like, I don't know. I think halfway or something. Maybe. I have no idea, honestly. But, fuck. The other episode I recorded was good, but now I'm like, I don't want to repeat myself, and then I don't know, like, how much. It's hard, because I recorded so much just because I wanted to get used to talking and not saying um, and like, just kind of get in my zone faster, because I feel like, yeah, like I said, even right now, I'm like, did I say this in one that I posted, or did I just say this in one that I recorded? So, if I repeat myself, sorry. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. But, what I was going to say is, it usually takes me, like, 15 to 20 minutes to really, like, get in my fucking zone. So, but once I'm there, I feel like it's pretty good. I'm not really, like, just saying um, and kind of rambling through. Like, I feel like I'm kind of more, like, I'm connecting with the crowd, okay? I'm like, I don't know. I was talking to Brody and Brianna the other day, and they've been sneakily listening, and I just want to say, fuck you bitches. I'm just kidding. But, it makes me a little nervous, because I'm like, ooh, guys, like, what do you know? Like, I don't know. I feel weird about it. And, yeah, I recorded, yeah, the episode I recorded earlier today, but I'm pretty sure that that is just completely gone and deleted, and, like, out of existence. Which, I was talking about, like, some ghost stories, like, and just, like, my relationship, and, because I'm really scared of ghosts. And so, I just, like, expressed that, and then I was, like, kind of explaining why, and, like, some ghost stories that have really scared me, and, like, why it's related to my life right now. And then I talked about, like, just other, like, dangerous situations I've been in. And so, I feel like I can kind of recap that episode in this, because I did just literally record it, like, I probably got done 20 minutes before I started recording this. So, yeah, I feel like I can recap that. But I recorded this other one the other day, and, I don't know, I feel like I was off my zone, because I was really nervous, because whenever I was talking to Brody and Brianna, like, we talked for a hot minute, and I guess Brody was taking notes. No, he wasn't taking notes. He literally was just, like, trying to give me, like, more ideas of things I could talk about, because he can kind of tell that I'm just fucking rambling. And, yeah, I don't know. And then I've just, like, been losing my mind, because he was like, tell more stories. Like, you can tell stories. And so, I'm like, okay, well, I feel like I kind of have been fucking telling stories, which they didn't listen to the whole episode of any of them. They just listened to, like, here and there. So, I feel like they really just listened to the parts where I'm just fucking rambling and just completely scattered. So, fuck you, bitch. Don't judge me. But, anyway, I'm like, I get what he's saying. Like, I feel like some of the podcasts that I've listened to, like, my favorite episodes are, like, people telling stories, like, on We Can Do Hard Things. Like, they'll do these ones, and it's, like, people's most embarrassing moments. And I just, like, those do something for me on, like, a whole nother level. Those are probably my favorites. And every single episode of the entire podcast is my favorite, but the embarrassing episode ones, like, I don't know. They just, or the embarrassing stories ones, like, I don't know. They're just so funny to me. Like, I'll literally be sitting here fucking laughing out loud to myself. And I don't care, because it just feels so fucking good, and I'm just like, dude, that is fucking funny. So, I get that aspect, but I'm also like, right now, like, you know what? Sometimes my rambles are good. Like, sometimes they literally just mean nothing, but sometimes they're really good. And, yeah, I feel like it's a mix. Like, I want to ramble some, and I want to tell some stories, and I want to, like, vent or just, like, talk about what's on my brain, because that's the whole point. Like, I said, like, Dear Diary kind of vibe. And, yeah, like, I don't know. I feel like there's a variety. Like, I don't want to just sit here and tell stories, but it's like, I do want to tell every single story I've ever had in my life, but I don't know. I just, I don't want to, I don't know what I'm fucking doing. I don't want that pressure on me, because if I'm like, oh, fuck, I need to tell stories, like, since you said that, I'm like, God, I fucking suck. Like, everything I've been doing sucks, and I just need to tell stories. And so I'm, like, trying to, like, brainstorm all my best stories and just, like, I don't know. It was just stressing me out. And so we were talking about it. I texted him about it the other day, and we were, like, went back and forth a little bit. And then, in person, I was like, what do you mean? Like, what made you say that? Like, I don't know. And, yeah, we just talked about it, and I was like, I just feel like you're hating. Like, I feel like I just suck, and, like, everything I'm doing is wrong, and, like, I just need to, like, do this. And so now it's putting this, like, pressure on me, and, like, discouragement, and, yeah. But then I just said all that out loud, and he was like, no, you dumb bitch. No, he didn't say that. He was like, I'm not hating. Like, I'm just trying to give you ideas, because, like, you know, you're saying you're rambling, too. Like, I just wanted to, like, give you some options and, like, kind of tell you, like, podcasts I've listened to, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so, yeah, that was definitely really good, because I was like, God, like, I feel like I fucking suck. Like, I mean, I don't even know what I'm doing. Like, I don't know what I'm, like, striving for. I don't think there's really a goal. I just want something. Like, I just want, yeah, the goal is, like, just something good in every episode. Like, just a little pop. Like, I just want someone to get something. I want everyone who listens to this to leave with a little something. That's all I want. Whether it's stupid or useless or amazing and the best advice you've ever heard, like, just something. Like, or a funny, funny something. I don't know. I don't fucking know, bitch. So, yeah, then that episode, I feel like, was kind of, like, a lot, I guess, because I was, like, talking about how I had just talked to Brody about all this stuff, and then I was talking about some new ideas I've been having, and then I was talking about, then I just started fucking telling random stories, because I was like, fuck, I have to tell stories. And, yeah, it just stressed me out. So, I feel like that one was, like, good, but I don't think I want to post that one, just because I don't think I was in the right, like, headspace while I was recording it. I think I was, like, feeling shitty. So, I don't know. We'll see. Maybe I'll go back and listen to it again and be like, hmm, maybe. But, yeah, I don't fucking know. Anyway, so, I'll tell the ghost stories that I was telling in the last one, because, honestly, it's on my fucking mind. I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick, though. Hold on. So, the night before last, I was sitting on the back porch by myself. I was just scrolling through TikTok, hanging out, chilling, whatever. I see this video, and it's this woman and her son, and they're decorating the Christmas tree, and she puts this one ornament on it, and she's like, this is granddad. I don't know if he got them the ornament, or, like, in honor of him, or what the situation was, but, yeah, she's like, granddad, like, this is granddad, and then, and there's Christmas music playing in the background. The music stops, and then her son is, like, saying something, and then he comes over to her, and he's, like, staring, and he's pointing, and he's like, granddad, granddad, and, like, you know, we don't really know what's going on, and he's just, like, you know, he keeps saying granddad, he's like, hello, like, hi, and, like, has, like, this huge smile on his face, and he's, like, getting, like, this, like, how a little kid would look when they see their grandpa, and it's just, like, I don't know, like, it's sweet, but I don't know, even just the word ghost, like, I'm getting the heebie-jeebies already, I'm just, like, super scared of ghosts, and so this is, like, it seems really beautiful, like, imagine, like, and, oh, and then the comments are all, like, like, the main search is, like, why can kids see ghosts, and I'm, like, what the fuck, like, kids can see ghosts, like, what the fucking shit, and, yeah, I don't fucking know, and it was just, like, freaking me out a little bit, but I don't know, I'm, like, I feel, like, that's kinda, it's complicated, because I feel, like, you know, that is a really, like, cool story, like, imagine, like, this little boy is just seeing his little grandpa, like, oh, and the grandpa's dead, obviously, like, so, like, that is pretty clear, like, he would be the ghost that was the ghost that the kid was seeing, and, yeah, I don't know, I feel, like, yeah, that's really cute and cool and fun, but it's also just kind of, like, scary a little bit, just, I don't know, it doesn't sound like it should be scary, like, it seems like a harmless, like, maybe even, like, a positive kind of story, but I don't know, it just freaks me the fuck out, and so then I'm, like, shit, like, I gotta get inside, I gotta get away from these fucking ghosts, which is kinda backwards, because the ghosts are usually inside, but whatever, and so I just get up, and I go inside, and I wanted to get something, we have a fridge outside, and we had ordered pizza, and so there was leftover pizza in the fridge, and I wanted to grab a piece, but I was fucking scared, like, I gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, get away from this ghost, and so, like, I don't even grab the pizza, like, I'm, like, I can't, like, I'm actually scared, okay, like, I'm not just, like, fucking around, I gotta get up, and I gotta get inside, so I'm going inside, and I don't get my pizza, I go to the kitchen, I have to fill up my water, I have to go from the back door to the, like, I have to go to the kitchen, the living room, and to my room, and so I get to the kitchen, and I have to fill up my fucking water, like, if I'm gonna be starving, I'm gonna at least need some water to drink, so I fill up my water, and I'm, like, looking around, I don't know, I don't know, dude, I don't fucking know, but I'm actually scared, and so I'm, like, what the fuck, what the fuck, I get my water, I'm trying to run to my room, and as soon as I, like, turn to, like, go to the living room, I, it was my mom, but I don't know, I guess I had assumed she already went to bed, because it's, like, ten-ish, maybe, o'clock, like, I thought everyone was in their room, and so I'm just running in the living room, expecting a fucking ghost to pop out, and then I see a fucking, my mom, and I, like, jump, I'm, like, holy fucking shit, like, you scared the fucking shit out of me, like, I literally jumped out, like, I thought you were a ghost, bro, and we're just, like, laughing, and I'm just, like, trying to catch my breath, and, like, calm myself down, because I'm, like, holy fucking shit, like, it scared me so bad, and, like, we're just laughing, and, like, getting through that moment, and I'm, like, telling her, like, I'm, like, I'm fucking scared, like, I thought you were a ghost, like, blah, blah, blah, I'm telling her the story, I just show her the video, and I don't know, I'm, like, it's just so confusing, because I feel, like, growing up, like, I went to church, and so there's, like, the holy ghost, okay, and so I'm, like, if there's good ghosts, there's definitely bad ghosts, and I don't know, I think for a lot of my life, I was just, like, no, ghosts aren't real, like, that's not real, that's not real, that's not real, but then, like, I feel, like, deep down, like, I knew, because if there's a holy ghost, there's a fucking unholy ghost, okay, so I was just really fucking scared, and, yeah, I don't know, I'm, like, obviously, I, yeah, the holy ghost for me growing up was, like, a positive thing, you know, like, that's God, like, that's good, and I feel, like, in church, like, you know, whenever I would sing the songs and, like, really get into it, like, I feel, like, you know, and then, like, feel the presence of God, and so I feel, like, I would feel that, like, I really enjoyed it, I really felt like I was, like, experiencing God, and if there's a good one, there's a fucking bad one, and so I don't want to be feeling the presence of any bad ghost or bad spirit, like, none of that, like, no, that scares the fuck out of me, and I don't know, like, I guess what I think would happen is, like, the ghost is, like, gonna possess me or something, like, it wants to, like, latch onto my back and, like, get into my body or something, because I feel, like, I've obviously watched a ton of scary movies as well, grew up watching scary movies, still watch scary movies, I love scary movies, but, like, I'm definitely scared after, and so, like, yeah, the bad spirit and just, like, the demons and the, like, you know, everything that's always fucking haunting you or killing you or possessing you, that's what I'm thinking, and that's how I think of a ghost, and so I just, like, I feel like that's a valid fear, I don't know how everyone's not scared of that, but then, since I know, like, no one is fucking scared of that, I don't know, like, I understand that I sound fucking crazy, but I don't know, like, it seems irrational, but also, like, it kind of seems irrational, like, ghosts are fucking scary, bro, so, yeah, once that happened, I just went to my room after, and, oh, wait, actually, no, I kept talking to my mom, and then, yeah, she's just really like, yeah, like, I don't know, like, I don't know, and, anyway, she ends up going to get me a piece of pizza, because I wanted one, but, or she went with me to get it, and, yeah, I know, I'm a fucking pussy, but, you know what, like, I don't ever want to live alone in my life, like, I'm really scared of living alone, so, yeah, my mom does this shit for me, but, at the same time, I expect anyone to do this shit for me, if we live together, like, if I think I'm experiencing a ghost, or, like, I could be in danger, motherfucker, yes, come with me outside right now, if I have to go outside, so, say whatever you want, like, I don't know what you want me to do, I can't help it, I literally can't help it, and then my brother's always like, I wish I was scared of ghosts, like, I don't know, like, just adrenaline, like, it seems fun, like, I don't, like, I don't think I really like adrenaline, I don't think I really like, um, like, I don't know, like, a rollercoaster, yeah, like, you know, we, no, I'm fucking scared, like, I don't think it's worth it, so, like, being chased or something, like, I don't think I'm into that, or, like, now we're talking about fucking ghosts, like, I don't know, because I do like scary movies, scary stories, sometimes I like them, but sometimes I'm literally like, no, guys, like, I'm sorry you can't talk about this right now, like, I'm fucking scared, like, I'm not joking, I'm actually scared, yeah, I'm about to shut down the party, but I like ghost stories if I feel like I'm in a safe space, but I'm like, okay, if you motherfuckers, like, imagine y'all fucking summon a ghost right now with this behavior of speaking of a ghost, like, I don't know, I feel like even talking about I get the heebie-jeebies, I'm just like, I don't even know, like, I don't know, so I want to go back to whenever I was a kid, I feel like my big influence is of being scared of ghosts, so, A, yeah, the church, if there's a holy ghost, I think there's a bad ghost, and so that was always something that freaked me out, even the holy ghost, like, why do we have to call it a ghost, like, yeah, it just fucking freaks me out, it's ghosts and like, yeah, I don't know, it just fucking scares me a little bit, so that was one influence of my fear of ghosts, another influence was my fucking biological dad literally used to tell us, like, ghost stories, and they were, like, I think that they were innocent, like, he thought it was, like, cool or something, like, I don't really know what the, like, intention was behind it, but little fucking me was horrified, like, could not be more scared of ghosts, and there was these three stories, I don't even remember, like, the plot of the story, the whole thing, literally just the idea of the story is what I'm going to give you, so the first one is, he says that he used to live with a ghost, like, I don't know if it was in college or what, but, like, at some point in his life, he had some house, and he thinks that he lived with a ghost, and he said that the ghost would turn on the radio sometimes, or, like, I don't know, like, do, like, little fucking shit around, and, like, whenever he would tell the story, like, I'm pretty sure, like, it was, like, a funny angle, it was more, like, lighthearted, like, it was just kind of, like, a fun thing, like, I think it was, like, for entertainment, or, like, I don't really know, I don't know, that scared the fuck out of me, because I was, like, no, no, no, I'm, like, trying to convince myself that ghosts aren't real, and my fucking dad is sitting here being, like, oh, yeah, like, I have a ghost friend, and, yeah, I don't fucking know, but it scared the fucking shit out of me, so, that one, and then, there was this other story, I guess, he had some job, I guess, where he would be in a field at night, I want to say it, but I'm, like, thinking, like, oil rig or something, but I don't think he was, I don't know what it was, for some reason, he would be working in a field at night, and he would say that he would, like, there was this little girl out there, and he would just see this little girl, and she would, like, come up, and, like, I don't know, she was, like, looking for her parents, or, I don't know, honestly, maybe she didn't even talk, like, there was just a little girl that he would see out there at night, and that did it for me, like, I'm fucking scared, I don't want to see no fucking little girl at night, like, no, I don't want to see fucking nobody, just leave me alone, please, like, I'm fucking scared, and, yeah, so, that also scared the fuck out of me, because I was a little girl, like, what if I see a fucking ghost, like, what if the other little girl wants to come be friends with me, could you better help? That would be fucking shit, like, mm-mm, I don't fucking know, it just fucking freaked me out. The third story was, there's this, like, super long road that's, like, super, like, quiet and dark, and it just goes on forever, and apparently there was just, like, this bride that, like, has blood all over her wedding dress or something, and, like, would get in the car, is this Bloody Mary? Who am I talking about? This sounds like, I don't know, this sounds like a real story, like, I don't know if that, like, he experienced that or if he heard that, I feel like, is that, I don't know, I don't fucking know, I feel like that is, like, some, like, a popular story, like, not his experience, but, maybe it is, I don't fucking know, either way, like, that did it for me, like, I'm fucking scared, and none of these people, like, he never, like, said any of them, like, hurt him, or tried to attack him, or, like, were anything, like, negative, but, if you're fucking telling me fucking ghost stories, I'm fucking scared. You could tell me you were best friends with a ghost, and it was so much fucking fun, and you know what? Like, I'm just, oh, like, please just don't haunt me, like, I just don't want to be a fucking, I don't need no ghost in my life, please! So, I guess there's that, and then, ooh, like, ghost stories? Ghost stories scare the fuck out of me, and definitely used to when I was a kid, too, and when I was a kid, let's see, I don't know, I feel like we had, like, four main ghost stories that we would tell, like, at school, and stuff with friends. Um, I'm trying to think, I know one that is just really popping in my head, and has been sticking with me, it might be the only one I remember, I don't fucking know, but it's this one, and it's, like, this little, like, town or something, which I grew up in a little town, and there's a cemetery, and at some point, they have to build new houses, so they have to dig up this cemetery and move all the bodies. Apparently, like, they do that, these people buy the sand, they build a house on it, and then they, like, move in, they paint all the rooms in the house different colors, and, like, they're all bright and fun, and, like, whatever, safe, happy, whatever, but then there's one room, and this one room is painted all gray, it's dark, it's depressing, it's bad, pretty much, I don't fucking know, it's all this shit, but it's bad. Um, I don't know if that was, like, one of the kids' rooms or something, I don't know, there was some significance, somebody was sleeping in this room one night, and they hear this scratching on the walls, and they're like, yeah, I think it's on the wall, fuck, I'm not good at telling this ghost story, I haven't told this story in so long, and I haven't heard this story in so long, and honestly, I'm fucking scared right now, but they would hear, like, all this scratching on the walls, and, like, maybe coming from underneath them or something? Anyway, pretty much, it ended up to be a ghost that was trying to escape the coffin that they forgot, like, they dug up all the bodies except for this one, and this one was right under this gray room in the house. And, yeah, I don't know, like, that really fucking scares me, too, and so, like, sometimes when I'm laying in bed, like, I'm like, ooh, what if there's something under my bed, like, I don't know, sometimes I just think, like, it's a murderer under my bed, and I just think they're gonna have, like, a giant fucking knife, like, fucking, is that on the shuttie, is that what I'm thinking of? I'm thinking of In the Wrong Missy, when she's like, I showed them, or I flashed them Sheila, and pulls out this big-ass fucking knife? I don't know if that's a machete. I think so, I feel like machete is... I don't fucking know. I don't know what a fucking machete is, honestly. But, anyway, a big-ass fucking knife, and I feel like someone's gonna have one of those, or, like, a sword, like a katana or something, and just stab me from underneath my bed, like, through my mattress? That's really fucking scary to me sometimes. So I'm like, ooh, God, like, clenching, because if a motherfucker stabs me from under my bed, like, that's really scary, but I don't think that's a ghost that I'm scared of whenever I think of that. Maybe it is. Like, maybe it's related to that story, just from, like, something scratchy from under the bed? Like, I don't know. Anyway, yeah, so, that's my fucking scary ghost stories, and as I'm saying all of these, I'm like, oh my God, like, bitch, what the fuck? So I'm like, maybe if someone would've told me all of these for the first time right now, it would be different, but no, I fucking heard this shit whenever I was, like, a little baby child. That's why I'm fucking scared of ghosts, I'm scared of the dark, I sleep with my TV on every single night, and if I happen to sleep with someone who doesn't sleep with any light or noise on, then, like, we have to be, like, we have to hold hands or something, because I need to know where the fuck you are, like, I don't know. It makes me feel better. But honestly, I'm gonna do everything I can to not sleep in a bunch of dark, which, at this point, all my friends, we always have a TV on, so that's really nice, but I used to have a friend who would not sleep with a TV on, and I would be so fucking scared every fucking time, but other ghost stories, like, I don't know, I don't, I can't think of any, but I know we used to tell a bunch of ghost stories, and I knew them, I would be the bitch telling them, too. I would listen to them, but I would also tell them. Yeah, I don't fucking know. And just, like, scary movies. Yeah, I've always watched scary movies, so that definitely plays into it, and I'm always scared. If we watch a scary movie, like, afterwards, like, I cannot go to bed right after. I'm gonna turn on, like, fucking Moana. That's my fucking go-to. I don't know. It just fucking scares me, but it's like, I still wanna do it, like, I still wanna watch a scary movie. There's certain scary things, like, some people go out to, like, um, what's that bridge? Goatman's Bridge, or whatever the fuck, and like, mm-mm, I will not be doing that, no thank you, I have no interest in doing that. Um, never in my fucking life, there's not a lot of things that I will say never to, because, you know, Justin said never say never, but a Ouija board? Abso-fucking-lutely not. Like, you could not catch me fucking red-handed. Like, there ain't no way I would ever play with a Ouija board. I'm fucking terrified. I absolutely, like, no, you couldn't pay me any amount of money. Like, there would absolutely be no fucking way. No. I'm fucking scared. I don't know what's gonna happen, and I don't wanna know what's gonna happen. So, yeah, the ghosting doesn't know for me, or, like, going, like, in the woods to, like, find the ghost at night, like, ghost hunting? I'm not a fucking ghostbuster. I don't wanna do that, no thank you. No thank you. So, that's my stance with ghosts. But I do like scaring. I love doing, like, jump scares. Mm-hmm. Like, I love scaring people. I haven't scared anyone in a long time. Like, I used to always scare my brother and my mom. That was my fucking favorite, because I'm good at it, I think. But sometimes I'll sit there and fucking wait forever, and then they don't come. And then I'm like, fuck, I'm tired of waiting. And then as soon as I go to walk away, they fucking come out. But they scare me, like, I get scared too. Sometimes if I've been scaring them a lot, then I'm, like, prepared for it a little bit. But usually, like, they can get me back. Mm-hmm. Um, I'm trying to think. I'm like, what else am I really fucking scared of? Oh, obviously the other day I was like, my biggest fear is my mom dying. So, I'm really scared of that. Um, I don't really feel like that needs a lot of explanation. Like, she's my fucking entire world. Like, I literally feel like, yeah, I don't know. I don't wanna live in the same house with my mom forever, I know fucking that. But I couldn't live super far away from my mom. At least not, like, long-term. Like, maybe, cause, you know, like, I'm gonna, like, move abroad for, like, a couple years. And I think I could do that, but I would definitely, like, call her and text her as much as I could because I'm fucking obsessed with her. I fucking love her. She's my mom. But, I don't know. Other fears? I'm, I don't know. Like, I just feel like sometimes the adrenaline, like, an adrenaline rush, I'm kind of scared of that. Like, I wanna go skydiving, and I wanna go bungee jumping. But, I don't know. I'm like, I don't know if I'm scared of heights. I think I'm just, like, if you were like, there's a 0% chance that you're gonna die, I think I would be fine with the height. But, I don't know. Like, I'm just scared of dying. But I would say it just stops it. Like, cause I feel like, I don't know. We went to Puerto Rico for my birthday in July, and we were gonna go, um, ziplining. And it was, like, the longest zipline in the U.S. And it was, like, two miles or something. And you're going, like, 95 miles an hour. And all that sounds really cool and fun and fresh, but you have to lay on your stomach. And that is something that I'm just like, mmm, no. Because you lay on your stomach, and then you put your arms, like, behind your back. And, like, you hold on to this little rope. And that's cool, except imagine everything snaps. And all your, your hands are behind your back. So, you're not gonna be able to hold yourself up by, like, your fucking, with your arms behind your back. Like, you're just gonna fucking fall to your fucking death. And, I don't know. I mean, I guess I can seem, like, fine, I guess. But, just the fact of, like, I don't wanna fucking die ziplining. Like, I'm not ready to die yet. I just really feel like, I don't know. Like, I don't know when I'm supposed to die. Used to, I was like, I don't wanna live past, like, 70 or whatever. But, I don't know. At this point, like, I really love my life. Like, I really, like, I don't wanna die. And, yeah. Like, I'm just really fucking scared of dying. So, putting myself in a situation where I really feel like I'm gonna die, like, that is just not fun to me. Like, the rollercoaster, like, I literally thought I was, like, I guess, like, this is it. Like, I said my goodbyes. I was like, if I fucking die, like, I'm gonna be fucking pissed. That's what I kept telling them. And, yeah, like, I just, I don't wanna die. I'm really scared of dying. And, I feel like the afterlife, like, I don't really know what I believe. I really have, like, I have a fresh perspective. I just listened to a podcast the other day. And, um, who the fuck was I listening to talk? I can't think of it. I'm gonna have to go look because it was so fucking good. Um, I have no fucking idea. I don't even, I think it was Marla Beck. I have no idea. It might not be Marla Beck. They were just talking about, like, the light. Like, whenever you're having, like, near-death experiences, like, so many people see this light. And, it's, like, this, like, life-altering thing. And, they, like, come back. And, it's, like, their whole life has changed because of this, like, near-death experience. And, so, it's, like, that seems really beautiful. Like, that just seems so powerful just from that. Like, I just can't imagine. Like, I believe, like, it just has to, I just feel like the future always has to be better. So, like, even if that's fucking death, like, it just has to be better, I guess. Like, if that's, like, the other side. Like, you know, that's the next step. Um, I do like the idea of heaven. However, I don't really like the idea of hell. So, I think that is complicated. Like, I just don't think that anyone deserves to go to hell. I think that people do bad things. But, I just really feel like that doesn't define you. And, that doesn't mean, like, you deserve this. And, like, you don't deserve this. Like, I just feel like you fuck up. And, like, if you want to change, you should be able to change. I don't feel like it's, and it's, like, there's just so much. Like, the brain is just so much more, I don't know. I don't know. I'm not, like, I'm not excusing anything. I definitely believe, like, in some right or wrong things. Like, morals, I have morals. But, I don't know. I just feel like, you know, like, the Menendez brothers, like, I just listen to their case. And, I'm like, if they're being sexually abused like this, like, I just, like, I don't know. I'm not saying, like, they were right or wrong. Well, I don't know. I don't really know how I feel about it, honestly. But, I'm just saying, like, you know, it's not like they were just, like, oh, fuck this, and, like, just wanted to kill to kill. Or, like, I don't know, any situation. Like, don't come for me for defending the Menendez brothers. Like, I don't really know if that's what I'm doing. I think it is, but I don't know. But, either way, like, it's not like they just wanted to fucking murder. And, like, they're just murderers. Like, no, they're trying to fucking save themselves, I guess. I don't know. I mean, whatever the fuck. I don't know. I just feel like one little thing, not one little thing you do. Something, whatever, whatever the fuck. It doesn't define me. Like, I don't feel like anything defines you. I feel like everything together defines you. And, so, it's like, if you were a really great person, but you killed your parents, this sounds so bad. No one would kill your fucking parents. Please, please, no one should ever kill their fucking parents. Well, fucker, motherfucker, I don't fucking know. Whatever. Anyway, I just feel like a thing shouldn't define you and mean that you deserve this and you deserve this. Like, I just, I don't know. What I'm really thinking is I'm like, that's just not fair. And I know a lot of people's instant response to that's not fair is, well, life ain't fair, honey, or something. And I just, like, don't think it has to be that way. I just feel like, you know, there's a balance. Everything can be fair to an extent. Yeah, I just feel like everything's a gray area. Every single thing is a gray area. That's all I'm gonna fucking say. Cut the cameras. No, I don't know. How did I get to that? Oh, that I like the idea of heaven. And, yeah, like, when I think of heaven, it is a, like, maybe what some would call childish. But, yeah, I made the idea of heaven whenever I was a child, motherfucker. And I still am a child, bitch. So, what I like to think of heaven is just, like, whatever we want it to be. Like, my heaven, I'm not gonna have to worry about fucking capitalism. I'm not gonna have to worry about money. I'm not gonna have, like, these materialistic emotions. Like, I wanna have stress. I wanna have stress about... I don't... Ugh, fuck. Let me think. Okay. I think that heaven, I want to be able to experience all emotions. I don't think it's just gonna be this happy, everyone's always happy, nothing bad ever happens, blah, blah, blah. Because I feel like having the bad makes the good better. And I really believe that. I feel like if I didn't have, like, such heartbreak, I wouldn't have such love. And, like, vice versa. Like, I don't know. I just feel like emotions are just so deep. And I don't think they should have this good and bad labels. Because there's, like... Ugh. There's, like, six, like, main emotions, I think. And, like, five of them are what you would call bad. And one is joy. And that's a happy one. But it's, like, anxiety, disgust, anger, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Sadness. Oh, I'm thinking of fucking inside out. Oh, the motherfucker's right here. Mm-mm-mm. And, like, whatever. All that shit. And so it's just, like... I just don't think that all of these should just be bad emotions. I think that, you know, they all play in. And they're all good for different reasons. And they all, you know, do their fucking duty. Like, they get it in. So, in heaven, I still want to feel all of those emotions. However, I want to be able to actually be free. Like, I really want to just, like... Every single day, I want to wake up and be like, what do I want to do today? And then I want to do that. And, like, I really just like those on TikTok. It was, like, people... I think it was, like, a little trend. And it was, like, thinking, what do I want to do right now? Going to do that. What do I want to do right now? Going to do that. I don't know if it was a trend. I don't know. It was something I saw on TikTok. And I'm like, I love that. Because I feel like that's how I am whenever I'm solo traveling. Like, it really feels just so, like, embodied and just free. Like, I just feel fucking free. It's, like, whatever I want. Literally whatever the fuck I want. So, that's kind of what I feel like heaven is. And, well, I guess it's kind of contradicting. Because then that was kind of, like, I don't think I would really feel sadness. But I don't know. I feel like I still would in some way. I don't know. I'm not there yet, bitch. I don't fucking know. But it's like that. And we all just hang out in the clouds. And we just fucking live our little lavish lives. We all just... I think that my heaven is going to be way different from anyone else's heaven. I think everyone's heaven is, like, whatever you want it to be. And so, in mine, I'm sitting there making a fucking podcast. I'm sitting there laying in my hammock. I'm sitting there doing this. I'm running around doing this. Like, I'm going here. I'm going there. And it's just, like, kind of better than this world. Because I'm like, I love this world. There's going to be so many people. I'm going to get to talk to everyone. Like, that is so fucking cool. I'm just going to be like, oh, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. And we can just talk a little bit. And, like, yeah. And we haven't much time. It's, like, infinite. And so, it's like you don't have to worry about wasting your time. Like, you're not on a schedule. Which is, like, honestly, that kind of seems like one of the most freeing things. Because me, I check the time constantly. I'm like, oh, fuck, what time is it? And that kind of determines, like, my mood a little bit. Like, sometimes I'm like, oh, fuck, I've wasted my day. Or, like, oh, fuck, I wanted to go here. Oh, fuck, like, I need to do this or this. Or, like, oh, fuck, like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm just, like, constantly, like, on schedule. There's so much, like, time is such a, like, productive check-in, I feel like, for me. And so, I think not having time or having all the time in the world, literally, yeah, I think that's kind of what heaven is. And I love it. And there's rainbows and unicorns and all the fucking fun shit we could ever imagine. And everything is just, like, glittery. Like, we're just in, like, sparkly pink clouds. And, yeah. I could literally be pink. Like, I'm just, like, a pink blob. Whatever I want, like, I don't even fucking know. But it makes me happy, and it makes me find a little bit of peace. Whenever I hear people talking about a near-death experience, and they see this light, and it's life-altering, like, that gives me a lot of hope. And that makes me, like, be able to, like, take a deep breath and just not be so fucking terrified of death every minute of my life. Because whatever, like, what scares me about it is I'm just, like, oh, my God, like, I didn't have enough time. Like, I didn't have enough time. Because there's so many things I want to do. I want to do everything. And I want to be able to make sure that I spend enough time with, you know, everyone I love. And I just get to, like, do these things with people I love and have these conversations and just, like, have deeper connections and more experience and more, I don't know. As I'm saying this, I'm like, I guess, yeah, that could literally go on forever. Like, I don't really feel like I'll ever be like, okay, I've had enough. Like, this is good. Well, I feel like I've definitely felt that before. Like, kind of a dark turn. But I've definitely been like, okay, cool, like, ready to tap out. But I don't know. I feel like at this point I feel so differently about, like, I'm so not okay with dying. Like, I'm just so, like, I really feel like I have purpose to my life. Like, I love my life. I love being alive. I'm fucking alive. Like, we're all alive at the same fucking time. We're all alive at the fucking same time right now. I love it. I fucking love it, bitch. So, that is my outlook on fucking death, I guess. And I believe in God, but first of all, God is a woman, okay? Duh. Like, so, that makes sense to me. I just feel like literally women give life. Like, how are you going to tell me that God is a man and just created all this life? Like, I'm sorry, no. So, I don't know. I mean, obviously, like, to eat your own, have your own belief, I think that's cool. I think that's great. And I just feel like that is just, it's a conversation. I'm not telling you what to think. I'm not telling you how to believe. I'm just letting you know my fears. I was talking about death. What are you even fucking talking about? Why are you talking about God, okay? I was talking about death. But, whatever. Anyway. Yeah. Hashtag, I love my life. Hashtag, what else did we discuss? Ghost? Hashtag. I don't want to hashtag ghost. Honestly, I'm fucking scared. Like, I don't want any chance. I want there to be absolutely zero. Because then you have to ask God into your heart. And, so, it's like, the bad, like, you would have to, like, let that into you. And, like, you know, nothing can get into you unless you let it. And, so, yeah, I just feel like I would just be scared that, like, somehow, like, I was going to, like, let something into me. And, so, like, even by saying the word ghost, like, I don't even want to have the conversation because I'm so fucking scared. Like, that was the vibe. I don't fucking know. But, like, whenever I was a kid, like, I asked God in my heart. Hey, girl. I don't know. I also have this one person in my life who, um, she talks to, like, ghosts or something. I don't really understand. Like, I think a lot of it is confusing. And we've had kind of multiple conversations because I think it's interesting. I feel like I'm watching a movie. Like, I feel like she definitely has a story to tell. And I'm listening. And, like, half of me is just like, that's not real. That's not real. That's not real. Like, that's not real, right? Like, that's not fucking real, bro. I think it's like coming from a fear angle. And then, well, I think it's the fear is split between that's not real, but also it's like my church experience. Like, I was so scared that, like, this was, like, I'm going to be going to hell because God is going to think that I'm, like, I'm entertaining this. Like, am I inviting this? Like, I don't know what the fuck I'm fucking doing. And so, yeah, I just tried to stay away from any, like, conversation at all. But now it's like, I don't want to stay away from any conversation. I want to have every conversation in the world that I fucking can. And so, her talking about this, like, it's interesting. I don't want to be a part of it. I don't want to fucking talk to the ghost. But I want to hear how you do. Like, I want to know, like, what the fuck is going on. Like, what are you saying, girl? And so, yeah, we've had a handful of conversations about this. And she will, like, I don't really know what, like, they, like, come visit her in her dreams or something a little bit. And then, like, her sister, like, is also into it and will, like, help the spirits, like, pass over if they're, like, dying and they're, like, stuck or something. I don't know. I don't know the situation. But I do think it's interesting. It just frightens me. But at the same time, it's just kind of, like, if there's good ghosts, I don't know. I just feel like it's contradicting because it's, like, all of these terms that she's using and all of these, like, experiences. Like, you feel the presence and the blah, blah, blah. And I'm, like, I just feel like that's also, like, God. So it's, like, is it real? Is it not real? I don't really fucking know because I believe in God. But I don't, like, think that I believe in ghosts. I don't know. But if God is a fucking ghost, like, whoa, I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know, bro. What do I fucking know? I don't fucking know shit, clearly. Yeah, so that just fucking scared the fuck out of me. But I'll still ask her because I still like to know because I just want to be, like, tell me a fucking ghost story, bro. And they're interesting and they're cool, but I am scared. I don't know how we fucking got back to that. I thought we were just talking about my fucking fears. I'm trying to think of other fears that I have. I don't really, I mean, car accidents, but I feel like everyone's kind of scared of that. And just, like, regular stuff. I feel like those are kind of my most, like, irrational fears. And you know what? I'm not including my fear of junebugs, spiders, and roaches. Those three animals, insects, bugs, whatever the fuck. Like, those are not insects. That's so embarrassing. Well, spiders are. But whatever. Anyway, I'm fucking scared of that, but I'm not calling that an irratio- Fuck, why can I not fucking talk? Fuck. I'm not calling that an irrational fear. I think that is very rational because I don't like the way that those motherfuckers, first of all, roaches, the way that they fucking move around and they crawl around, and the word roach is just so nasty. Like, I don't know. I just don't like roaches at fucking all. I hate, oh no, I hate, oh god, they fucking give me the heebie-jeebies. Okay? And junebugs, I don't like that junebugs stick to you and the way that they just fly fucking around and then will just, and I know that they don't hurt you, but I don't know. That fucking freaks me out. One time, there was one on my cousin's fucking nose. One time, I was at a track meet and I have on, like, my little track shirt and my little hoodie and my hair, motherfucker, there was two junebugs in my fucking hair and, like, I thought they were in my jacket. I'm, like, ripping my fucking jacket off. I'm screaming. I'm running all over the fucking field like a fucking fool because I'm fucking horrified. Like, I don't want to touch the back of my neck because you already fucking know my fucking neck shit. So, I'm, no, I'm fucking freaking the fuck out. And after that, no, absolutely not. Don't put a junebug near me. Like, mm-hmm, ah. And spiders, um, I'm pretty sure I got bit by a brown recluse. Is that still called recluse? I think so. Recruse? Wait, I forgot. It's recluse, I think. Whatever. Them big-ass fucking scary spiders. I think this because I spent the night at my friend's house one time. We were leaving. We were getting in the truck and I had on leggings and I was like, oh, my fuck. Like, I tried to lift my leg up and it hurt so bad. And I was like, holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit. And so, I'm pulling my leggings, like, up so I can see because it's, like, on my calf. Like, I can just feel it and it's fucking burning. And so, it's, like, kind of on the inside of it, though. Like, um, yeah, on the inside of my fucking leg. I don't know what you want me to say. So, I'm pulling my leggings up and I see this, like, big-ass fucking, like, blister. And it's, like, fucking full of shit. I don't know what the fuck it is. But I have this giant lump on my leg. And so, and I'm, like, with my friend and her grandparents. And, like, we're getting in the truck to go do shit. And I'm like, oh, my God. My fucking leg hurts. Like, why did my fucking leg hurt? And I don't know. We looked at it. And, yeah, I think her grandpa said that. And then I came home and I'm, like, showing my family. And, like, I'm like, what the fucking shit is this fucking shit? And so, yeah, we just, like, I don't know what we did. But I still have a scar from that. And it fucking hurt and it was terrifying. And then also, whenever I was really little, I think I got bit by these two spiders. Because I had a bite on each of my hips. And it was, like, they had these two dots. Like, it was two spider bites. And it was the whole thing. Like, I had to go to the doctor and had to put the circle around it. And then, like, see if it, like, swelled and was red outside of the circle. Like, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, like, two fucking spider bites in one night? Are you fucking kidding me? Terrifying. And, like, that was at my house. Like, I don't know if it was in my bed or what the fucking shit. But that's fucking freaking me out right now. I'm like, I got to go check my bed for spiders. And, yeah, sometimes I'll have a fucking spider in my room. And that shit, mm-mm, fucking freaks me the fuck out. I got to scream. I got to call somebody in there to come get it. Because it ain't going to get me, bitch. It's really fucking scary. So, that's also my fucking fears. But I think that was completely rational. Like, those three, mm-mm, it's a no for me. But other bugs, like, I like ladybugs. Those are cute. I like little roly-polies. However, don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me. Don't touch my fucking shit. Like, just stay in your little lane, and that's fine. If we're outside, I'll try to not fuck with you. But if you're in my fucking space, like, somebody's going to have to get you. And usually, like, I used to, I would be like, no, kill it, birdie. Fucking kill it. Kill it right fucking now. Like, let me see the body. And now, you know, my evolved self is like, yeah, that's a fucking life, bro. Like, why does he deserve to die? Like, he doesn't even know he's doing something fucking wrong. And she, by the way. And so, Brody will now, like, scoop it up if he can and take it outside or something. And so, I'm like, okay, cool. Like, just make sure it's fucking gone. But sometimes I get fucking scared. Like, oh my fuck, there was a fucking spider on my bed a few months ago. And literally just crawling right by me. Right fucking beside me, bitch. And it was definitely little, but I don't fucking care. I don't fucking care what fucking size it is. A fucking bug, any bug in my bed. But a fucking spider, hell no. I'm sorry. You have to die. Like, you just have to die now. No, I'm joking. Not that well. But you two, yes. And literally, I would be like, show me the body. Like, prove, let me see that it's fucking dead. So, yum. Fucking scared of a lot of shit. Thank you. Okay. I gotta go. I gotta go now. Okay. I'm gonna go now. I gotta go my own way. This microphone is so much fucking better. I'm so fucking pleased. I'm not going anywhere, bitch. We're still fucking here. We're still fucking live. But I could do ASMR with this one, like. Ready? Yeah. That was fucking good. I like that. I might get an ASMR, bitch. Mm-mm-mm-mm. Okay. For real, I'm leaving now. I love you. Bye.