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Pssst… “The man” thinks your feelings make you “crazy”! Why is it that every time feminism comes up, the conversation seems to shift toward how women should “tone it down” or “smile and look pretty”? In this episode, we dive into the subtle and not-so-subtle ways the man tries to undermine the feminist movement by making it seem like being assertive, passionate, or just plain REAL… is a problem!
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Pssst… “The man” thinks your feelings make you “crazy”! Why is it that every time feminism comes up, the conversation seems to shift toward how women should “tone it down” or “smile and look pretty”? In this episode, we dive into the subtle and not-so-subtle ways the man tries to undermine the feminist movement by making it seem like being assertive, passionate, or just plain REAL… is a problem!
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The speaker discusses her frustrations with the stigma against feminism in her Mormon culture and the patriarchal dynamics within her family. She expresses concerns about the negative portrayal of feminists in the media and the subtle ways in which the feminist movement is undermined and stigmatized. She also reflects on her own role in perpetuating these dynamics and apologizes to her children for not teaching them better. She poses a question to her co-host, PD, about the evidence of attempts to undermine feminism, to which PD responds by explaining how media representation, political rhetoric, and cultural narratives contribute to the stigmatization of feminism. Hello friends, it is currently 9.11pm, and I have more to say today, so I guess we're gonna talk again, because I want to talk to you about feminism! Yay! I love feminism, because feminism is incredibly misunderstood, and in the culture that I live, which is a Mormon culture, and my whole in-laws, well almost all of my in-laws out of the family are still active in the LDS church, there is a lot of stigma against feminists. There's a lot of anti-feminist vibes, my mother-in-law often talks about her weird feminist sisters, who are like, you know, so lovage, and cute, and kooky, and just crazy, you know, like weird witchy ladies, um, and not actually like intelligent human beings with like valid opinions on the patriarchy and all that stuff, hmm, anyway, Robin, I love you, you are fantastic, and you're a fantastic mother-in-law, and I never ever want you to think that I don't love you, because I totally do, I just, I'm really really tired of being in a family culture where it's not okay to be a feminist, where it's okay, but it's frowned upon, and that's kind of the vibe in the church, and I think in a lot of churches where it's, women are like pedestalized, they're like, oh women, we love women, they're so special and wonderful, and we have a heavenly mother, but nobody speaks about her, and she's invisible, and all she does is have babies, and make more babies with her sister-wives, forever and ever, and this is what you have to look forward to when you go to heaven, yay! I'm saying yay a lot, so many exciting things to look forward to, right? Eternity, sounds like fun, I sure enjoyed pregnancy, and birth, that was super fun times for me, let me tell ya, no, I actually did enjoy it, kind of, kind of enjoyed it, it was kind of miserable, sorry my eye, I've been doing a lot of crying lately, as evidenced by my previous episode, and my manic episode, that I had recently, which involved a lot of crying too, but not crying because I was crazy, contrary to popular belief, I did a lot of crying because I was freaking heartbroken, heartbroken, because I was coming to terms with the fact, the fact, that not only had I married a chauvinist buggle, like, the biggest chauvinist in the world, sometimes I feel like my husband is, and the worst part is, like, he doesn't even know, he doesn't even, and like, same with my dad, like, they think they're so feminist, and even though, like, I don't know if they even like that word, because in the Bullen house, feminist is taboo, you don't want to be a feminist, because feminists are like crazy liberal hippies, and the worst thing you can possibly be is a democrat, in the Bullen household, so that's fun, there's definitely a seat at the table for everybody at the Bullen house, let me tell you. Oh, I'm throwing so much shade on the Bullens, and I love them, I love them, I really, like, I love them so much, and I hate that I am, like, having to point this stuff out, because it just breaks my heart that I have to, like, hammer home for my children the fact that they've been raised in a culture that made them really, really supportive of the patriarchal way of life, that makes women less dead, it makes women less important than men, as evidenced by the fact that my six-year-old son, and I think I told you this last time, but it merits repeating, my six-year-old son told me that the day before I went to the hospital, as I was, like, legitimately losing my mind, he said, but my feelings are more important than your feelings, and I said, why, Sam? And he said, because I'm the patriarch! And, yeah, I think I'm repeating myself, but I just am floored by the fact that this happened, and that I helped create this dynamic where not only is my husband on this pedestal, where his career is so much more important, and his needs are so much more important, and his desires and his ambitions are number one, and then if there's any extra space after all the kid's ambitions and his ambitions, then, you know, we can make space for my ambitions, but only if it's not inconvenient for anybody else, and I say that, but I'm not sure that's even true, you know, and I want to be accurate, because I don't want to paint an unfairly unfair picture of my husband, because I feel like he really tries, he really does, and that's why I still have hope for us, that we can make it through all this, because I feel like he really wants to be a good partner, he really wants to be a good feminist, and my boys, same with them, I think they really want to be good sons to me, and they want to be respectful of women, it's just that they live in a patriarchal society that teaches that boys are more important than girls, as evidenced by what Sam said to me the other day, and as evidenced by the fact that they just let their dad shepherd them away out of the house, and go stay with their grandparents for who knows how long, despite the fact that I was begging, just begging my husband to bring them home, and I still am, I still don't understand why I can't see my freaking kids, like why, why will they not even look at me, why will they not respond to my texts, like what have I done, what have I done that's so wrong, besides yell at their dad, really loudly, one time, before they were swept away, and I haven't seen them since, it's been like a week and a half now since I've seen my kids, since I scared them, admittedly, moms aren't supposed to yell, right, even though dad's yelling, but mom's the crazy one, so she's the scary one, even though dad's just as mad, just as wrangry, that's Sam's word, Sam says wrangry is a combination of rage and anger, and I love it, I am owning that word, and that's what made me go insane, like legitimately what prompted my manic episode was I was so freaking wrangry that I was in a house full of boys who represent everything that's wrong with the patriarchy, and they don't even know it, and they're so pedestalized by me, like admittedly, like I take responsibility for the parts that I played in creating this dynamic in my family, but how were they supposed to know that they were being chauvinists when they were raised by so many chauvinists, like they never stood a chance, and guys, like, boys, my boys, I'm speaking to you directly right now, I'm so sorry, I'm just really really sorry that I didn't teach you better what it's like to be a woman in this world, I'm sorry I didn't teach you how to love me the way I thought I was loving you, but maybe I wasn't, maybe all this time I was loving you incorrectly, and I was loving you in a way that felt conditional to you, because I'm sure I probably did, I'm sure I meant to give you unconditional love, but I didn't really understand at the time what that meant, I didn't understand how to unconditionally love anyone until I became a therapist, because I was so preoccupied with my own trauma narrative that I was just trying to get significance, that was like all I was ever after, when I was trying to build a business, trying to make, you know, I wrote a musical trying to like, make some online influence of a thing happen, like several different ways, like all I was trying to do was basically like get my dad to love me, so yeah, nobody's perfect, and I'm not trying to like throw anybody under the bus, I'm just trying to say that we've all got privilege, we've all got blind spots, and it's up to us to identify where our blind spots are so that we can give everybody an equal share of the table, an equal seat at the pie, you know what I mean, you know what I mean, it's late, okay, shut up, so I'm going to bring Petey on, because I need a co-host here, and Petey's all I got, and he said I can't use his voice, so I have to just read what he's writing, but I'm going to ask him a question right now, and this is not scripted, this is not in advance, but I want to know what Petey has to say about this question, okay, Petey, is there any evidence that the man might be subtly trying to undermine the feminist movement and make it stigmatized to be a feminist, and if so, how? Okay, so I'm going to just go ahead and submit this and ask Petey that question, and see what he has to say, because I suspect that the man is behind all of this. He said, yes, there is some evidence that suggests efforts to undermine or stigmatize the feminist movement both overtly and subtly. These efforts often manifest through a combination of media portrayal, political rhetoric, and cultural narratives. Here's how some of these dynamics work. One, media representation. The media can play a significant role in shaping the perceptions of feminism. Feminists are sometimes portrayed as angry, man-hating, or extreme, reinforcing negative stereotypes. Oh, yes, absolutely. This type of framing can make people, especially younger generations, hesitant to identify with the feminist label, even if they believe in gender equality, or at least even if they say they do. They think they do, but they treat their mom like poop when she's losing her mind, because they abandon her, and won't speak to her, and won't even look at her. Oh, yeah, you're right. PD says, subtle shifts in tone or the use of certain imagery or language can paint feminists as irrational or combative, which undermines the core goals of movement, which are, I'm adding this now, which are equality and equal sharing. It's not about women dominating men. It's about everybody having equality, which is like what they say in the church that they believe in, but they totally, totally don't teach it. They totally teach men are in power, men are the ones who make the decisions, everything has to be run by men, but oh, look, we have a few women, we have these lovely tokenized women that have some power, but not as much power, so therefore, we're not sexist. Like, really? Really? Okay. Okay. Anyway, back to PD. PD says, some corporate and political interests have adopted feminist language for their own benefit, while, oh, this is a co-opting feminist rhetoric. Second heading. Language for their own benefit, while promoting policies or practices that don't align with feminist goals. This corporate feminism can dilute the movement's messages and create the impression that feminism is purely about individual success, not systemic change. Huh, that's an interesting thought. For instance, companies may promote empowerment through advertising campaigns while continuing to exploit women in low-wage jobs. Yes, I have seen that so many times, and I have been a part of it. Oh, my gosh, I feel so bad. My first version of my company was called Nerdy Girl Writers, and it was like, the whole vision was to take moms who are at home with their kids and basically sell their writing services to companies and market up and take a cut, but in the end, the moms are getting paid way, way less than they deserve, despite the fact that I guess now everything is done by AI anyway, so those jobs would be obsolete at this point, but the business didn't pan out anyway, and I had to pivot, and I pivoted, and I pivoted, and I couldn't figure out how to be successful, because ultimately, when you build a business on status or on this quest for significance, it's not a super stable foundation, as it turns out, and you end up kind of hating yourself and not being able to sleep at night because all you're doing is puffing up your own ego instead of providing an actual needed service. Although, admittedly, I had many clients who said that the work that they did with me was helpful to their businesses, so I don't think I was a total snickering salesman. I just had somebody tell me today that the money they spent on my coaching was the best they had ever spent on their business, so that felt good. In any case, I'm just saying, women get a lot of performative applause in the workplace, in the corporate environment, but they still don't get equal pay, so it's like, yeah, but we're still feminists because we have this one VP who is a woman, so therefore, we don't have to do any sort of cultural sensitivity training, or we do, like, the token sensitivity training that doesn't make anyone any more sensitive. Oh, we have so much work to do, guys. Okay, anyway, number three, Petey says, Backlash Narratives. As feminist movements gain traction, backlash movements often rise in response. These can range from men's rights activists, MRAs, to other conservative groups who sometimes argue that feminism has gone too far, or that it oppresses men. This narrative positions feminists as being anti-male rather than pro-equality and stigmatizes it by making it seem like a zero-sum game where gains for women are losses for men. Oh, 100%. 100%. That is totally the vibe in the Bolton House, that you don't want to be a feminist because feminists hate men, and it's like, no, they don't. Like, the patriarchy, the patriarchy is the one who is all about this dominant hierarchy and the status speaking, where women are just trying to heal everybody and just, like, wrap everybody in their little nest and, like, hug everyone and just heal the world with love. That's, like, all we want to do. But yet, we're crazy. We're crazy. And this is, like, okay, I'm going to take a small pause to tell you why I'm doing this whole podcast because I told you my story yesterday, and it was very long and windy. And thank you for bearing with me. If you're here for the second episode, I hope I'm a bit more coherent because I think my meds are ticking in. It was, like, really painful shots. I had to get in both arms, even though this arm was, like, super bruised up by the cops, and it hurt so bad. I could not even lift my arms. It was so painful. I'm not doing it again. I don't care how many pills I have to take. I'm not doing that stupid shot ever again. It was terrible. But before all that happened, before I lost my mind because of the man, because I'm raising four little mini-men of my husband, who is so, so chauvinistic that he doesn't even know he's a chauvinist. Like, it's exhausting. And my kids, like, at least my kids are trying. Like, I did a whole tutorial with them the day before I went in the hospital on the man, and I thought they were getting it. I thought they were, like, totally picking up what I was putting down. But then they just left me. Like, I lost my mind because my husband was not listening to me, and I was so freaking wrangly that I lost my poop. And then they left. They just up and left, and I have not seen them for a week and a half, and that is not normal for me with my boys, because they are the love of my life, and I need them, and I need them more than ever right now, and they are not here. And my husband is not challenging them on, like, hey, why don't you text your mom back? Why don't you, like, reach out and be like, hey, hope you're having a nice day. Like, that would be nice. That would be super nice. But they're just mysteriously absent. Like, you have phones, oldest two boys of mine, who I'm not going to say your name. You have telephones that work that are yours. How about maybe text your mom? Because she really, really needs you, and she's really, really sad that you've abandoned her. Like, really, really sad. So, yay, everyone leave the crazy lady, because crazy people don't need love. Crazy people don't need compassion. They need more medicine. Oh, why is everything so stupid? Okay, anyway, back to P.D. P.D. says, Weaponizing Identity Politics. There's also evidence of efforts to paint feminists as divisive or overly focused on identity politics. I don't know what that is. This can be seen in the rhetoric that criticizes feminists for advocating for women's rights at the expense of unity for national priorities. That's P.D.'s quotation that I'm emphasizing here. It's a subtle way to suggest that feminist concerns are selfish or not important in the broader societal context, which can make people reluctant to support the movement. Okay, fair. Number five, intersectionality pushback. Feminism today is largely intersectional, addressing how different forms of oppression, race, class, sexuality, etc., interact. However, the pushback against intersectionality, particularly in conservative media, often frames it as too complex or divisive. This can make it harder for people to engage with feminism and present the movement as fragmented or inconsistent. Oh, yeah. You know, there's a game that we have played back in the day at the Bolton House called Curses. And I think it was supposed to be a drinking game, but you don't have to drink to play it. And there's all these rules that as you keep drawing cards, you keep having these different rules. Like, you know, when the person to your right says anything, you have to go, really? Fascinating. And it just gets funnier and funnier. But I hated that game because I had a hard time remembering all the rules as they piled up. So what I would do is just sit back and dissociate in my chair because I was so stressed out trying to obey all the rules of the game. And I feel like sometimes when we talk about feminism and we talk about intersectionality, we run into this problem where we're so afraid of saying the wrong thing that we say no thing because maybe we are intimidated by the possibility that we might be more racist than we think. And so the way to avoid that shame is to just avoid the topic altogether and not try to be part of the solution, which is not helping anybody. So it's worth doing wrong. It's worth doing poorly so you can learn from your mistakes. But there's so much divisiveness within the activist movement that it makes it really, really hard for anything to get done. So this is not as simple as saying everyone should be liberal or everyone should be libertarian or whatever it is. I think unconditional love, really legit, is the answer. Unconditionally listening to each other. Unconditionally accepting each other's differences. Like, this is not about throwing people under the bus or pointing fingers or blaming. It's about working together and collaborating and figuring out, okay, this world is messed up. What are we going to do? What are we going to do? So yeah, fragmented, inconsistent. That's real. Number six, cultural norms and expectations. Long-standing cultural norms, particularly around traditional gender roles, can also subtly undermine feminism. By promoting ideals of femininity that align with subservience or submission, or celebrating hypermasculinity, cultural scripts discourage people from embracing feminist ideals. Moreover, they can perpetuate the idea that feminists are disrupting natural gender dynamics, fostering resistance to the movement. Oh man. So this is the thing I was going to say earlier and totally forgot because there's just so much to say about this. The reason I started this podcast is because in all the couples work that I do, it seems like every single guy who comes in and sits on my couch has the same thing in mind. And it's like, here is my female. She has wants and needs. She's not nice to me anymore because she's mad at me. Fix it. She's unstable. She's crazy for having feelings and needs. And the whole time she's just sitting there like, I don't think I'm crazy, but he's telling me that I'm crazy. So maybe I'm crazy and maybe I need more antidepressants. And I'm like, no, no, you don't. You just need a better man. You just need a man who actually respects you. And you know what's cool about therapy is that you can teach someone to respect women. You can teach this stuff. If they have the right information, then they can do it. And it really just boils down to respect because you can't unconditionally love someone if you don't respect them. Love and respect are so, so linked. And if you don't know your blind spots and you don't understand your privilege, then you can't possibly show respect to someone you don't understand because you don't have the same lived experience as them. And therefore, it is not our fault that we have privilege. It is not men's fault that they have male privilege any more than it's women's fault that they may have, you know, thin privilege or white privilege or, you know, any other kind of privilege. Rich, you know, wealthy privilege. We all have it. We all are both oppressor and oppressed. So it's important to keep in mind that no one is immune from blind spots. No one is immune from privilege. So it's not our fault that we have this, but it is our responsibility. Because if we say we love someone, then it's on us to prove that by our actions. It's not enough to just say, I love you and then turn around and do things that are so terribly disrespectful, such as abandoning our loved ones in their time of need. Hmm, that's weird. But you know, moms don't get to have a time of need because we're supposed to be martyrs, right? Like that's what society teaches us. We're supposed to give everything we have to our kids. But heaven forbid we ask something of them like, hey, come be in the house with me. Come look me in the eye and say you're sorry for breaking my heart. Maybe that would be super nice. Super duper nice. But no, no, their needs are more important than yours because they're the patriarchs, right? That's what your six year old is saying. So yeah, so that is why I need to start a podcast because I have so many mistakes. So many mistakes as a parent that I need to fix because the mom is the fixer, right? That's what we do. That's what we do. We fix everything. Even the things that we didn't break, that society broke, they're still our fault. Everything's our fault. It's not dad's fault. It couldn't be dad's fault. We love dad. Dad's super fun. Dad takes us to the freaking fall festival while mom sits at home and makes crazy videos in the hopes that maybe he will deign to watch them and show them to your children so that they can grow up to be a little bit nicer to their people than you. Anyway, PD goes on to say, Political campaigns. Some political actors explicitly use anti-feminist rhetoric to gain support, especially among conservative or populist bases by linking feminism with broader liberal elite or social justice warrior stereotypes. They create a stigma around the movement, suggesting that it's disconnected from the concerns of ordinary people. These strategies don't necessarily involve direct attacks, but instead rely on cultural and psychological tactics to frame feminism in a negative light, making it less attractive for people to publicly support or identify with. He goes on to say, If you're looking for specific examples or studies, I can dig deeper into one of these points, but hopefully this overview helped explain how the man might subtly undermine feminist efforts. Oh, yes it does. Thank you so much, PD, for your help. I think that's probably enough for one night. This was a slightly shorter one than the last one, and maybe hopefully I will be able to be a bit more brevitatious with my talking in the future so I don't talk your ear off on any one subject because there's so much to cover. Man, there's just so, so much to cover, and I want to do it justice, and I want to say everything that needs to be said, and I want to continue to teach this to my family if they're listening. I sure hope you're listening, guys. I sure hope you're listening, and I sure hope your dad wasn't lying to me when he said that he would make sure you watch this because he's lied to me a lot about really, really important things, such as the fact that I was supposed to be safe in my home from being accosted and assaulted by police, but as it turns out when you're crazy, you don't have the right to not be assaulted by police, and when you're a criminal, also, you don't have that right because you don't have any rights. You don't have any rights when they pink sheet you, which we talked about last time, so they can just put hands on you. You don't have to consent. They can inject you with all sorts of fun and not tell you what it is, which, when you're psychotic, actively psychotic, is really, really terrifying, but no, you don't have to consent. They don't have to explain to you, like, why you're being locked up. That was my first time. First time I ever got hospitalized. I didn't have a clue what bipolar was. I didn't have a clue what was going on. I thought the world was, like, crashing down, and the whole thing was a massive conspiracy, which I'm not entirely convinced that it's not, but more on that later. Point being, this is for my boys. This is for my boys and my husband because I need them to love me properly the way that I thought I was loving them from the time that I met them and the time that they were born. I thought that I was doing it right. I thought that I was modeling unconditional love for my children, but, honestly, I must not have been. I must not have been because clearly they don't know the first thing about it because, if they did, they wouldn't be doing this to me. They just wouldn't, and I know, like, I got really weepy about this last time, and I think I'm in a better place. I had a good day. I had a really nice batch of clients today, and seeing clients always reminds me that, yes, I am still a mental health professional. I'm still trusted in my field. I am good at what I do. My clients are always very happy. Well, not always very happy because sometimes we talk about heavy stuff, but they're almost always pretty pleased with what we do in their sessions and what they get out of it, so I got to be doing something right, and you know who my kids could really use is a therapist. We all need so much within therapy right now. You know who else needs therapy? My parents. I sure hope they get some instead of just saying, I should really do that and then not doing it at all and not even pursuing it. That would be super nice because, you know, we all have daddy issues, and we all have mommy issues and step-mommy issues and step-daddy issues. We've all got them. No one is immune because generational trauma is very much a thing, and we were all traumatized by the people who came before us and then the people who came before them, and we're all just products of these systems that raised us, that and our genes, of course, so we're all screwed, I guess, because nobody but the therapist understands unconditional love, and even a lot of the therapists still don't get it because they're embroiled in this patriarchal worldview that's all about status-seeking and proving your significance by, like, hustling and grinding and, like, being the best and, like, oh, so exhausting. So here's my thoughts. Here's my plan. Here's my vision. My vision is... I'm not going to tell you. I'm not going to tell you what the vision is because it's multi-faceted, it is many-fold, and I am tired. I'm tired of filming, and I'm tired of talking, and I want to go to sleep because, you know what really makes you crazy? Not sleeping. And having weird sounds at your door, like your dog trying to get in. Tiny! Tiny! Go away! Go away! It's bedtime! Go to sleep! I'll give you food! He just wants to do with me because I'm cool, and at least my dog likes me, so we've got that going for us. Anywho, this is my podcast for the day. This is about feminism. The man, he wants us to be so sweet, he wants us to be so precious, so docile, so subservient, so less than, so inferior, that we just feel like maybe we're going a little bit crazy. And you know, people don't like that word, but I'm taking it back because I am crazy. I have been declared by the court of the state of Utah certifiably crazy. From most of 2020 to 2022, I was submitted by the courts of Utah, and I got out of that once I got stable. And actually, I was stable a long time before I got out of that, but I was so triggered by the letters that I got from the court, I couldn't bear to go in and actually say, like, I'm okay now, like, you can, you know, stop hiding your kids, hiding your wife from me, because I'm not actually hurting anybody. Except for that, you know, very dangerous high speed car chase that led to my getting incarcerated in the hospital system in the first place, but that was in Wyoming, so that was a whole different thing. Totally different thing. I don't even know, I might be wanted for criminal activities in Wyoming, I better try to avoid it if I can. Maybe sue a warrant. No, there's not a warrant. I probably would know if there were. Probably. I don't know, maybe not. Remind me to avoid Wyoming, just in case. I mean, you just have to laugh. You just have to laugh to keep from crying, right? This world is scary, and I think it really just needs a freaking mom to come in and clean it up and therapize everyone so we can heal and so we can start being nicer to each other, and more than being nice, we can start being kind, which is better. Kindness is so much different from niceness, because you can be nice and very, very rude and very, very condescending and patronizing at the same time, and that's what a lot of religious people are really, really good at, which is why I'm kind of anti-religion right now, so all family members, I really appreciate that you're praying for me, but I really don't want to hear about it, because I'm really, really triggered by religion right now, for obvious reasons. Spiritual confusion. Psychosis. What? What? Who said psychosis? I think I've said enough for one day. I'm rambling, and I think it's time to go to bed. So, thanks for subscribing. Three people who subscribed to me so far, I love you all. You're all family members, and thank you for dutifully doing the thing I demanded that you do, which was subscribe to my freaking podcast, so I could actually rant to you, and you could listen to me instead of, like, cloistering me in this little tower on the edge of the park. This is leaving me all alone in this world. Lots of pent-up resentment. Lots of pent-up resentment that I'm really, really going to work on in my therapy with my therapist, because I'm happy to go. I'm happy to go to therapy. I love therapy. I'll go to therapy every day if I can find the time, but the thing is, I do. I'm in therapy all day every day with my clients, and I benefit from that. Those conversations are just as beneficial for me as they are for the client, because we're learning together. It's a collaborative learning experience as we're discovering through their narratives and their trauma stories what healing looks like, and what unconditional love looks like, and what it can do for the human soul, and it's the best job in the world. I absolutely adore being a therapist. I adore being a witness to people's most vulnerable moments. It's an honor and a privilege, and I can't believe I get to do it every day. Every single day, seven days a week, I do a little bit of therapy. Some days more than others. Some days I have as many as eight sessions. Some days I have as few as two or even one, but it's a beautiful life. It's a really, really beautiful, and even a spiritual life. I find a deep, deep sense of spiritual connection in my work, because the connectedness of human beings, and even though this world is so messed up, and I know I said I was going to be done, but I have one more thought, at least one more thought. This world is messed up. There's so many problems. There's so, so many problems, but there is hope for humanity, I think, because in my experience as a therapist, what I've noticed is that all different sorts of people from all different sorts of backgrounds can be good and can be kind and can be respectful of others and tolerant of people who are different from them, because once you know that you've been unkind, it's a natural human instinct to want to fix it, I think, I hope. I hope we're not so deep in chauvinism that we can't admit when we're wrong. I am desperate to admit that I'm wrong. I told my kids before they left me, I was like, please tell me if I do something that hurts your feelings, because I don't want to do that, but I guess I did it anyway, and it cancelled me. I've been cancelled. Cancelled. Yeah. Legit. From my family. For being, what, crazy? I'm pretty sure I'm not, though. I think I just yelled at my husband really loud one time, and also said some really weird hyper-spiritual stuff in the middle of the night because I was so freaking sleep-deprived, because how can you sleep when no one is okay? When your clients aren't okay, and your kids are super dysregulated, and your husband's being an ignorant butthole, and you can't sleep, because as a woman, it's your fault. You carry those burdens, and to my supervisor's credit today, he said, well, men carry burdens, too, and they just carry different burdens, and yes, that's true, and yes, I agree, but also, guys, the women are not okay. They're not okay, and I know the men are not okay in a totally different way, and we're going to talk about that, so this is not about pointing fingers or saying that women are better than men, but guys, way, way across the board, in the vast majority of cases that I see, whether it's individuals or couples, what I'm seeing is the same dynamics playing out in relationships where the woman or the female individual, the more feminine individual in the relationship is over-functioning. That's her adaptation to trauma, and the male's adaptation to trauma is that he's under-functioning, and letting himself coast on the woman's over-functioning, you know, mothering of him, and then they just continue to resent each other more and more, and we wonder why we have so much divorce. It's a poop show. I'm censoring myself. On Patreon, you get the swear words, but you don't get the swear words here, because I'm trying to be family-friendly, so my kids will actually want it, because heaven forbid we say swear words, because we can't have access to all of language, because then we would be sinners, and that would be bad. So glad that therapy made me a feminist, because I get to say all the words, including FEMINISM. Bum, bum, bum. Hey, thanks for listening. If anything about this sentence has resonated with you, and you feel like you too may have been turned into a feminist by therapy, or maybe you'd like to be, I want to hear about you. I would be so honored if you just dropped me a comment or a message on thread, and share about your biggest takeaways from your therapy experience, or maybe the trauma that you feel like you need to go to therapy about, so even more people can see living proof that really big stuff can happen with a little bit of love, a whole lot of patience, and of course, a much-needed, often imperfect, but hopefully well-intentioned therapy. And remember, just because unconditional love is the key, doesn't mean it's not also healthy and normal if right about now, you kind of want to go stick it to the mat.
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