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The speaker introduces themselves and discusses their background, including growing up fast, experiencing addictions, and going through various treatments and therapies. They reflect on the power of the brain and the importance of self-discovery. The speaker mentions their recent use of methamphetamine to cope with pain and their upcoming surgery. They express their desire to be substance-free before the surgery and share their journey of learning from a neuroscientist named Andrew Huberman. The speaker talks about incorporating cold showers and other techniques to help with cravings and dopamine levels. They emphasize the importance of sharing their story and struggles to help others. Good evening, everybody. So, I am going to do this first episode as pretty much an introduction to what my purpose is and a little bit about who I am, why I'm doing this, what my purpose and intention are, and where I am in life, which goes along with what this whole podcast is about. I am under a pseudonym just for the fact, as of right now, to protect others' and I can never say that word, keep the anonymous forefront just for protection of situations and others' identities at this point as we go. It could change in the future, I'm not sure, but for right now that's just a starting point I felt would best. So, as I get into this, I've had a lifetime of different addictions. I started, I smoked my first cigarette at 6, drank my first beer at 9, and started hardcore drugs by 16. I grew up very fast. My parents were super young when they had me, my mom being 16 or still in high school. In fact, I'm in my mother's high school annual, kind of cool, but I never had a childhood. I raised my two little brothers. My parents got divorced at 6 and I can remember, you know, raising my brother, standing on a chair, cooking, doing dishes, and things like that. I think back now I look at 6 year olds and can't even imagine, you know, growing up like that. So, I grew up real fast and, you know, now I look back and I know my parents did the best they could and I just kind of took on from there and just kept that mentality and nobody was going to tell me what to do from then on. And I'll talk more about different addictions and different time periods of my life that are relevant as we go. What brings me here to this point is I have, looking back on my life, I've been to prison twice. I've been through multiple drug programs and behavior-changing therapy programs, been on prescriptions since I was 12, off and on, and over-medicated twice. I'm not a big fan of them. I use them when I feel necessary and it's not something I want to keep on forever. I've had periods of clean time, but I've always kept coming back. And so, I have really had to take a hardcore look over the last couple years as to why. What is it that triggers me to always want to drink another beer or come back to methamphetamine? You know, and it's been for different reasons and different time periods, but the fact is it's always what I run to. I have been on a path of seeking out and understanding myself. Who am I? My dark side, my good side, you know, that was, it's been fun to explore. You know, I think sometimes we're all scared to explore the parts of us that we don't understand or fully agree with or like at times, but I've come to the place where I realize that part of me is, it protected me at times. And I probably wouldn't be here without that part of me. So, I've had to embrace and love that part of me as well as the good parts. So, I am on this path of what makes me tick and, you know, it's awesome. A couple years ago, I decided to, I wanted something different and that's when it started and I stepped out and I did ketamine treatment. They now have that as therapy and it's to kind of reform those pathways in your brain. And I did three ketamine sessions and I know I have never been the same since. It did start things rolling in my brain that, hey, there is something with this, how powerful our brains are because I used to be angry. I can't even tell you all the time. All the time, I carried so much anger inside. And now, it's just like it's not the same for me. It's my brain, the way I think about things, the way I process things, it's all so different for me. Yes, I still get angry, but I don't get angry pulling doors off hinges every day, you know. So, it was a real eye opener as to, I knew there was more to these pieces of addiction and habits and things like that than just the cognitive part. I know and I knew and I started to see how powerful our brains are and our thoughts are and, you know, what we say to ourselves and who we are to ourselves. And so, I did start this. I ended up meeting some of my soul family and went to a retreat with some amazing people and that kick started some other things and, you know, I just started feeling that energy again. I believe in the universal language of love. I am not a religious person. I definitely am spiritual and I believe that I don't tell anybody what they believe. I believe everybody can have their own beliefs as long as you love and accept others for who they are. And that's just kind of where I've got to is I feel like love is an energy and it's what binds us all together. So, long story short, as we get going, I was doing good. I actually got on the right medication and things like that. I had little bouts here and there, but I was doing pretty good and then I was in an accident in December. I got a DUI. I was drinking it, which was really weird because for the last couple of years, I knew better. I did not get in a car and drive when I was drinking. What I was even thinking that day, I have no idea. Long story short, it escalated my already spinal issues that I was having for the last 10 years. It really put those in fast forward motion. A couple months later, I had to quit working as a server because my arms would completely lock up and not move. I've just been in a lot of pain since. So, that being said, I have been consistently using methamphetamine just in order to function and move. I know some people say that's a cop out. I get that, but for me, it has been a real thing. It has been the only thing that has kept me being able to keep my house clean, function as a normal person. I eat. I sleep. I do all the normal things, but I do use that as a band-aid for the pain. So, long story short, I have a surgery scheduled finally coming up ASAP because it is getting so severe that the nerve damage is severe in my neck in three different places. So, I have been thinking about doing something like this for quite some time over the past year, I would say, and I just was waiting, I guess, for the perfect time to do it. Coming from the brains that we have as medics, I think we always feel like things have to be perfect. I think it's just more of the step of just doing it. Even today, I can't even tell you how many things. I'm just like, I was tired. Attitudes were flying in my house, and I just was like, what the heck? I just did not feel prepared or ready or anything. But I was like, nope, I'm going to do it. And I had to make myself just do it, whether it's good, bad, indifferent. And those are the things I push myself to do regardless because I feel like those are the things that are going to get me better. So, on top of that, I have been something huge in my life that I've started. I found a man named Andrew Huberman, who is a neuroscientist at Stanford. I started recently listening to him, and I cannot even tell you how things started fitting in my brain like a glove. I finally, for the first time in my life, I don't know where this has always been. I finally feel like I'm understanding all the nuts and bolts and pieces of it. It was like the final straw that I needed to understand why I've done or been in the positions I have been, why I keep thinking or gravitating back to this thing or things. And it is amazing, you guys. I am going to share those daily things that I learn as I go because it is absolutely phenomenal. I think every addict out there for every type of... I mean, it's not just addicts. It's people that have problems with relationships. It doesn't matter. It's dopamine. They talk about our dopamine drops because we're in a world of technology right now. That drops our dopamine levels on top of all the other stuff. So as I go, I'll be sharing some things of that. I've already started putting some things in place that he talks about. Mainly mornings are the hardest for me. It's when I crave it the most. It's because I wake up and I'm not where I want to be. And so I have started incorporating the cold shower in the mornings. And you can do a cold shower or cold bath for 60 seconds or more and it gives you that dopamine surge. It's a natural dopamine surge and it's pretty awesome, you guys. It is pretty dang awesome. So I've done that for three days now and I've also been more aware. So I've decided to do my progress on this because I want to be completely done with all substance by the time my surgery is here, which it could be within a week, realistically. And I'm hoping. Because when I heal from that, I want to be on the path of healing on the right way. I don't want to have to revert back to this and I want to heal on every level. So that is where I'm at and it's important for me to share these things and struggles because I feel like so many times people are scared to step up to the plate and talk about this stuff because, you know, let's face it. There's a lot of people in society. I know a lot of prominent people that do this. A lot of people that do cocaine. I know people that do methamphetamine. And they are prominent people in society. You would never, ever think that they did that stuff. And it comes with such a shameful attachment to it. So nobody wants to talk about it, you know, or people to know they do it. But, you know, you'd be surprised. You really would. And I want to just start talking about it. Get it out there. Get it out there because, you know what, there's so many people out there like me. But, you know, we just want to find that missing piece. So I've done the cold shower, the no caffeine for 90 minutes in the morning. I'm starting that. I don't normally, but I have been doing the coffee when I wake up a lot. So I'm going to push that out 90 minutes. I am going to pick up a sunlamp. And then my main thing is just being aware. So today I'm aware of how my day was. You know, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night because I was thinking about starting this today. And, you know, I'm kind of nervous, excited and all that fun stuff. And so I didn't get a lot of sleep, but I got up. So I was kind of irritable. You know, I got up about 8. I took the dogs out, went to sleep till 9. I got up and then I smoked. Then I got in the bath and I did a cold bath, or a bath and then I did a cold shower. But I just noticed I was super irritable. I got my work done though and sent some emails out. And then I was listening to You Must Control Your Dopamine. The Stalking Truth Behind Cold Showers. That podcast by Andrew Zuberman is absolutely awesome, you guys. You've got to check it out. This is the stuff that's finally clicking with me. It's like our brains and how powerful and all these things about the dopamine and the dopamine surges and how we can fix them. It's what we can do to help them. What our baseline is and why we crave things. You guys, this stuff is fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. And I really feel like I finally found the missing piece for myself to fully understand all of it together. So I'm super excited. You know, my intention is to be that butterfly effect. If any of you know the chaos theory, it talks about how little things like such as butterfly's wings can be something so small but something so powerful. As they flutter like a butterfly's wings can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world. And that is something like our actions and small things can do. And so as I go through this journey, my steps may be small. They may be a little bit at a time. But I know that each step forward is going to be huge waves. And so my hope is that I am able to do this, inspire others. And you know, my goal is that this spreads. You guys, there's so much good stuff to this. I can't even believe that I've never heard this in all my years of addiction and the treatment centers. So my whole goal is to share this stuff in hopes that it helps others just as it's helped me. It's all about truth, no bullshit. I have nothing to hide, nothing to fear. Except, you know, the only reason, like I said, that I want to keep this anonymous is due to it protects others as well. It's just, it's not, you know, it's not fair to talk about things and throw people's names around. And, you know, that's where I want to keep it, you know. And in the future, it may change, you know, depending on how this goes. But I hope you all have a great evening. We'll get, you know, this was probably really messy and my first one, but it will get better. I know this. Practice makes perfect, right? Or practice, I guess I should say practice makes us better. Have a good evening and I will see you all tomorrow. Every night, I will post this at 9 p.m. just to give you an overall of the day and be accountable.
