Ep 5: EVOLVE INTO NOW Part 2

The transcription is about the importance of being present in the moment and how it can positively impact our thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. It emphasizes the power of our thoughts and how they shape our reality. The speaker shares their personal journey of becoming aware of their negative thoughts and behaviors, and how practicing presence helped them change and improve their relationships and overall life. They also discuss the process of observing others and using that reflection to understand and change themselves. The speaker highlights the transformative power of being present and the ability to create a better personal reality. Today's episode is part two of evolve into now, grow from the past, and let go of the future. I'll be sharing some of the experiences I've gained from learning how to be present most days. I'll share how our thoughts, feelings, and surroundings can help us realize why certain situations bother us, certain moments are meant for us, and how we can claim control of our lives by tapping into this present moment superpower. What this is not about is dragging ourselves through our entire past, reliving everything we have ever gone through. I learned a wonderful truth during my healing years, the things that affect us today will come up on their own, and once those are acknowledged, felt, and set down, they do not have to resurface again in any situation. This is about becoming aware enough in this magical moment to witness ourselves, our thoughts and feelings, and find solutions to why they bring us down. I will also share things to look for within and in your surroundings that can bring positive people, places, and circumstances into your life. Lots of great stuff today, let's get to it. Did you know our thoughts create our reality? Or that the more attention we put on our thoughts, the more words we add to them, the more we focus on anything in our minds? On that topic, those feelings and words expand and grow. Where our attention goes, energy flows and grows. I've learned to no longer discount the power of my thoughts, and to change them as soon as I realize they are leading me down a scary path, or if I do not realize I am going into a thought spiral, I have learned to pay attention to the people and circumstances around me. When I do this, I allow those to distract me from myself and help me with my desires and intentions to practice staying in a healthy space physically, mentally, and emotionally. We never know when the universe will grace us with people, places, or things to give us that pause to make the choice we truly want and need to grow. Let's be here now. Sometimes being suddenly drawn into the present moment by someone speaking to me, a song coming on, a light shining in my face, an itch in my eye or ear, or even someone cutting me off in traffic can make me aware I have been swirling around in the deep cavern of my mind. It takes practice, but becoming present is our greatest gift to achieving everything we want, seriously. There are cues, signs, and an infinite number of synchronicities that were made specifically for our personal reality. We have only to stop and notice them. I am still surprised when I catch these personal moments. I absolutely adore feeling there is purpose in a moment and it is meant for only me. I learned how to see these moments by first learning how to be present. Initially, this took me just seconds, twice per day. As I've mentioned, it was suggested that I set two daily random alarms and pay attention to my five senses and I added in my thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. It doesn't even take a minute. This is one of the very first self-help practices I was willing to try. If I could not spare mere seconds each day, then who was I kidding thinking I could change anything in my life? Effort was obviously needed, I told myself. If I was not willing to journal, be grateful every day, or exercise, this seemed like the next best thing. At the time, the only thing I did with any regularity was self-loathing, drugs, and smoking cigarettes. The fact that I was listening to self-help stuff at all was pretty impressive. I had to fulfill my part of the deal though from the last episode. I needed easy things that did not take much effort, especially at first. I changed the times of the alarms relatively often so I could experience being present at different moments during my day. I did it for a few months and quickly noticed my thoughts and feelings were pretty much never in the present moment, or even in that same day. It took weeks of practice to even be able to identify my thoughts and feelings because as soon as the alarm went off, I would typically forget what I was thinking about. But just going through what I was seeing, smelling, hearing, touching, and tasting eventually brought my mental state in along with those sensations. The practice also brought my surroundings into my awareness more often, and what I noticed really surprised me. Living in right now, just seconds at a time, slowly changed my perspective in an extremely powerful way. After a few more weeks of the alarms, I started to witness my thoughts for what felt like the first time. It was not all the time at first, not at all. But the thoughts I noticed were hopeless, judgmental, and mean towards myself especially, but also towards others. I was so negative, and then I would judge others for being negative. Over time, I became aware of how many things I reflected about myself onto other people. I complained internally about every single thing I did or did not do, or what others did or did not do. I bashed myself constantly for every screw up, and bashed others for their mistakes. I got angry a lot, and displayed it by yelling, and then pulling my attention away from people instead of addressing it calmly and out loud. Then I would judge others for not speaking up about their true thoughts and feelings. I hated when my wife was tired and distracted and did not spend time with me. Then I'd go into a depressed hole and sleep for three days. I would bitch about our son lying and acting defiant and thinking he was right about everything. Then two days later, I'm losing my shit, screaming, and taking off to a friend's house to smoke cigarettes and pot. You think I told him about that? Apologize to him? Of course not. Because I am the one who taught him all that mess. There's a lot more I figured out. Becoming aware of our thoughts, feelings, and actions, and getting real with ourselves can kinda be a shitty eye-opening experience at first, if you're anything like me anyhow. It was humbling on a remarkable amount of levels. I almost never apologized before, never thought I was wrong, and never took accountability for the things I did because I was a pro at telling every mofo out there why it was their fault and why I acted the way I did. I was not only blind to my part in pretty much everything, it was automatic to shift things away from myself. I sure shit was not about to look inside myself, and I did not want others to either, so all energy had to be pushed outside of me. It was not intentional, but that habit, that practice of blaming others and being the victim in every circumstance took all my power and put it in every single hand that was not my own. While I subconsciously told myself I must be a worthless piece of shit to deserve whatever it was that had happened. It does not sound fun when I put it like this, but these insights, this awareness, brought my power back to me and gave me the ability to change things that were not serving the life I wanted for myself and those around me. I did not want to be a victim of any more circumstances in my life. I had to change my way of thinking and of seeing the world. And it all started with me, my thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. I am so grateful I was guided to this simple alarms practice, not only because it was so easy and took so little time, but because I did not really know what to expect when the author told me it would help me to become present. What does that even mean? Curiosity and wanting to feel like I was at least attempting to do something to learn to be happy are the reasons I tried it, but the results of what this created in my mind and life still impact me every single day. Many times per day, if I'm honest. And this awareness has drastically improved my relationships with myself, my wife, our son, and all my friends in a very positive way. It's made me significantly more efficient at home and work because my attention is focused on what I am actually doing rather than what I failed at or what I have not done yet. Becoming present eventually gave me the space to change my thoughts, feelings, and then gave me the power to control them. It helped bring my mind out of the pain of the past, took me away from the anxiety of the future, and gave me the gift of experiencing life in the only place I get to be the creator of my life, the magical present moment of right now. With practice and time, I started seeing myself and the world through a very different lens. With practice and time, I started seeing myself and the world through a very different lens. After seeing what I did not like, which was a fucking lot, I was able to put attention on those things and find solutions to them. Be it books, podcasts about being mindful, or meditation, or simply sitting quietly and listening to others. Often times, observing others would help me see things in myself I either wanted or did not want in my life. This can be uncomfortable because admitting the things we do or say when we did not know we did them in the first place can feel really awful. But once we put our attention on them, change or reframe our thoughts, which lead to different actions, then we get to be more in control. It reflects our power in our personal reality. Dr. Joe Dispenza says our personality creates our personal reality. And we can change our personality. Nothing about ourselves has to be set in stone. It was a happy day when I found this out. This meant I was not stuck as who I was. I did not have to be this person if I did not choose to. And that, my friend, is a very big deal, especially considering how much I did not like about myself. The simple practice of becoming present gave me a broader, brighter, and more empowering perspective. My thoughts regularly coincide with my surroundings now, making me feel like the world is connected to and communicates with me on a very deep level, and on a very consistent basis. This has manifested in a variety of ways. A sequence of meaningful numbers when a thought crosses my mind, which makes me feel or just know I'm on the right track. A hair tickles my ear, urging me to listen as the song on the radio literally answers my thoughts right then. An itch in my eye telling me to pay attention right before a big pothole appears on the dark road I'm driving on. Or I'll see a car that reminds me of someone, and when I text them, I find out they just went through something significant and life-changing, and really needed a friend. Other times, I decide to smoke after a quick date, and my lighter won't work. Then, when it does, I drop the cigarette as I attempt to light it. Or when I ask for a smoke, and the only smoker in the bar has just smoked his last one, but he says he totally would have given it to me. As I reply, I'd never take anyone's last cigarette. I cannot help but see all these moments are just for me. To help me see something important, hear confirmation that my thoughts are correct, feel compassion and share connection, or simply be given the moment to take a beat before I do something that does not serve me. What all of this confirms for me? I am not alone. Being outside of me is communicating with something inside of me when I give myself the gift of being present. One of the best present moments I had was while working one night. I work for a local, family-owned food delivery service that has been around for decades before the apps. I pull up to a woman's house I have delivered to for years. She is in a wheelchair, and I could tell she did not have mobility of one of her arms. I take the food into her kitchen for her. Nothing is different than any other time I have delivered to her. But as I'm leaving, I suddenly feel a ping in my heart. The thought crosses my mind, I should offer to help her. My social anxiety reminds me how uncomfortable I feel talking to people, and how I tried to help another woman the previous year and it ended up being too much for me to handle. I am too self-conscious for this. I brush away the offer to help, thank her for the tip, and walk out to my car with a very heavy feeling. I flop in the driver's seat and tell the dispatcher I am ready to roll on my next order. Right before I turn the car on, her cheery voice informs me, we are all caught up, please stand by. Of course we are. I look back at the house, and that ping taps my heart again. I was barely learning how to become aware of my thoughts at this time, and I had some significant signs, feelings, and happenings that even I could not deny were just for me, showing me I was on the right track. I'd already experienced when I trusted and followed these thoughts and feelings, good things happened. But it was uncomfortable trusting whatever this new shit was. I go back and forth in my mind, do I really need to help her? I'm sure she has people. Not that I'd be helpful anyhow, I could not handle it last time. Wasn't it nice to help our other friend though? True, I did enjoy that part. The rest was tough though. My time in energy management sucks ass, maybe next time. I try to dismiss my thoughts, but something reminds me. We only live about a mile away, what if we could just be an extra person, she could call. We have our health, legs and arms that work when we want, and some extra time here and there. I consider this, chills raise over my whole body. We need to do this. I whine inside, but why? Why not? Ugh, fine. I roll my eyes, because I do not understand, but the impression I'm receiving is pretty clear. For some reason, I need to trust this. I practice what I will say in my head, I really hope it will not sound crazy. I slowly walk up to her door, my thoughts are racing. This is creepy, she's going to think you're nuts, she would not be too far off. We are not nuts, we are just offering to help a woman in a wheelchair. What if I get in trouble at work for this? I flip a 180 and walk right back to my car. As I sit in the driver's seat, lyrics to a song suddenly pop into my mind. I do not remember what the song was now, but it left no doubt I needed to face my fears and fucking do this. After more debating, I once again decide to talk to her, and again have chills run over my whole body. My heart feels full. This would later become a sure sign that what I am thinking and feeling are on point. Our bodies speak to us when we are present enough to listen to them. I take a deep breath, get out of my car, and walk to her door again. I pause. My hands are sweating, my heart is racing, so many thoughts are tripping over each other in my mind. Then, I tell myself, fuck it. I knock. I hold my breath. If she was not in a wheelchair already back into the living room, I would have bolted right then. She says, come in. I open her screen and door and step just inside. She rolls her wheelchair further into the living room to see what's up, probably thinking it has something to do with her order. She looks at me expectantly. I say, so, um, this isn't something I usually do, or, uh, have ever done, actually, but, um, I live about a mile away, and, yeah, so, uh, I was wondering if you might need help with anything. Or, I mean, if you need help, you can call me? I think, oh my god, I am fucking this all up. She stares at me curiously. I am clearly not explaining myself well, like usual. I pause. My face has to be beet red. It's dark, though. Ugh, I regret this in every way. What was I thinking? I try to gather my thoughts, try to remember what I practiced, but this is all scattered now. I feel like a fucking idiot. I am not ready for this. We are already here. Relax, and just tell the truth. I say, I'm sure this sounds really stupid, but, uh, my voice fades off as I think, shit, should I even say this? Fuck, it's too late. Ugh, Jesus, just talk. Okay, so, um, I just had a strong feeling you might need some help, and if I am overstepping or you think this is creepy, I am really sorry. I don't know if any of that made sense. I am so sorry. I put my hands in my pockets, trying to cover the fact that I am shaking. As a last-ditch effort to cover my ass, I say, if I'm way off and should mind my own business, I will. Um, yeah. Yeah. I look down at my feet, forgetting to breathe, as my thoughts race and scream at me. Holy fucking shit, could I have fucked this up any worse? You fucking dumbass. I wonder if she's going to call the cops, or worse. My boss, and I really need this job. What the fuck was I thinking? She listens politely, until I am completely done fumbling through my spiel, if you can even call it that. It's dark, but with the light of her TV, I watch her face go through many emotions as I babble. At first, her face is blank, I'm sure she just wants to enjoy her food. Then curiosity as I'm talking, and then finally, when I tell her I'd had a feeling she might need some help, her mouth turns downward, and her eyes well up. I can tell she's trying to hold back tears as I finish. The sadness and tears in her voice squeeze my heart, all my worries and fears completely disappear as she replies, I just found out my best friend of over 50 years is moving out of state. She wipes a couple tears away and continues. I don't know what I'm going to do. She's always been here for me. I lost my husband almost 20 years ago, around the time I had my stroke, and she's been coming over to help me at least once per week. I just don't know what I will do without her. Sorry, my cats are doing their thing. This is on the tail end of COVID to boot, so she's been pretty isolated for years. She does not have internet or any nearby family capable of helping her. She is alone and scared and so grateful I came back. We are very close friends to this day. She's ended up being like a second mother. Turns out she has a son who's going through so much of the same issues I did. She's given me a much deeper perspective about what my own mom went through with me. Her comments actually helped me appreciate the tough love my mom gave me, and I've been able to give this woman a perspective into her son's life. The best part? I get to reassure her as often as I can that it is not her fault her son has gone down this road. We all have a journey. Hopefully, he will find the purpose in his like I have in mine. We give each other love, hope, and try to help each other through the hard times. We've both experienced depression, so it's really nice to have another person understand how that feels. We were meant to meet that night, and taking cues from my own mind, body, and a little nudge from the divine made this beautiful relationship happen during a time we both needed it. These are the gifts we give ourselves and others when we are present. Our body, mind, and soul communicate with us on a constant basis. I had no idea. Tapping into this superpower can begin with just a couple little alarms in less than a minute of your time. That practice will grow into awareness, which will lead to your world growing in a way that was meant just for you. Practicing being present with yourself and the immediate world around you will bring insight and experiences into your life that you will not believe. It may feel too good to be true, or if you're like me, you may not even feel worthy at first of the things that come into your life. But with practice comes progress, and you will see proof over and over again that you will not be able to deny. I was the biggest skeptic out there, believing in absolutely nothing bigger than my own fucked up life. I was wrong, and I am so glad. There is something inside of us, and there is definitely something more happening than just our daily lives. Don't believe me. Try it. Please. Becoming aware of ourselves is so beautiful. I am not religious or pushing anything of the sort on you. I do not have to. You will see whatever it means for you with just a few little practices. The worst that can happen is nothing happens. Nothing lost. But oh my god, the best that can happen? Life transforms into the creation of your own making, and you jump onto the path of your own reason for being here. The miracles of being present range from a simple confirmation of thought, to feeling assured about a huge decision in life, like buying a new car, to receiving the gift of a lifelong friend, to becoming sane and healthy without medication, and so much more. All it takes is a desire, an intention, and a tiny baby step forward. Our thoughts and feelings are so powerful. Using them to create transformation has made it so much easier to overcome challenges in my life and to create and achieve goals most days. I have learned how to pay attention to the details of daily life while being present, because when I stop practice living in the now, the changes in myself, my life, and all the people in my life noticeably shift. Life feels tougher. People seem moodier, because I am moodier. Emotions feel chaotic, and I instinctually shut them down. It's a decades-long habit I am still working on. Out of seemingly nowhere, my old coping mechanisms sneak up on me and take over again. Or rather, my old habit to escape from coping is much more accurate. When I am feeling good and light and creative, it's very simple to keep up with the practices and tools I use to make me feel better. But when I am down and out, it's a whole different story. After writing the emotionally draining podcast I talked about in episode 3 about a painful experience in mine and my wife's relationship, I was pretty raw. I may not have given into smoking, but I did lean away from myself. I stopped meditating regularly, stopped writing completely, and started smoking pot again every night. One morning, after a little reality check from my wife about how it's tough for her and our son to see me feel so awful every year during the holidays, I decided to start meditating again. She knows I am not trying to bring anyone down, including myself, but it was just enough concern to help me want to climb out of the little hole I was hiding in. In previous years, I would have taken this as a personal attack and used it to slide deeper because I would feel so awful about bringing everyone down. But with my intention to pay attention to the present moment and all those in it, I allowed it to be the concern it was, and even let myself feel proud that she felt safe enough to share that, and proud of myself for accepting the comment in reality. All of this is a very big deal. Our communication is improving because I have practiced listening more and stopped treating every situation like one that hurt me from our past. But we are still a whip, work in progress. I decided to meditate the next day. That was the very least I could do to bring my mental and emotional strength back up. Plus, I actually love meditating, and I really did not want to fail at smoking again after making it through what I have so far. It was time to change how the holidays go. I put in my earbuds, get comfy in our recliner that I meditate in during the colder months, and turn on one of my favorite guided meditations called Blessing of the Energy Centers by Dr. Joe Dispenza, who actually taught me the science behind meditation, which helped me tremendously when learning to meditate. I take a few deep breaths, focus on my heartbeat, and invite the divine in where it resides. I start the meditation. The music is relaxing. It sounds like a cello playing long notes, crickets in the background, and a cadence of drums that my heartbeat quickly syncs with. I always feel like I'm in an enchanted forest on a dark night, looking up at millions of bright stars when I hear it. Kind of like camping, but without the bugs and tents. Dr. Dispenza guides me to focus on my first energy center, located at the base of my spine. He walks me through focusing on it, allowing it to expand, then blessing the energy with wholeness, order, information, and coherence. He continues, may the energy in this center be an elevated emotion, which is energy in motion. He requests a new energy to enter that is for the greatest good. He guides me to allow my body to respond with a new mind. He reminds me a clear intention with an elevated emotion makes matter respond. Then he continues up through our body's energy centers, stating similar guidance. This has been one of my favorite meditations ever. It was actually one of the very first ones where I experienced divine connection within myself. It not only clears my body of heavy energy I do not need, but the intentions also bring in positive energy and information we cannot always access through our conscious minds. Opening these centers creates the access into my subconscious. I have had extremely profound experiences that are beyond anything I have ever experienced in my life, by far. I have received ideas, insight, answers to issues, and a much deeper connection to myself, my soul, and the world around me. If I were only allowed one single healing practice for the rest of my life, it would be meditation, all day, any day. Of all the tools I have learned, meditation is the number one thing that has made the most profound changes in my life. Yes, it was tough to learn, but as so many authors told me, it is beyond worth the effort. Meditation created and still creates the most substantial changes mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. When I stopped doing it, for even a week, I noticed the changes in everything. It's a type of superpower that reaches very far and wide, inside and out. The gifts I receive in this meditation today are one of the million reasons why I love it so much. As the meditation continues, I feel my great grandma's spirit. I'd been wondering why the holidays bring me down so much since I've had pretty great experiences at our family's for years now, so I was not sad or too anxious about that this year as I had been in other years, but I definitely do still have a little cloud above me and I've been running and trying to escape from. My great grandma shares some very beautiful memories I'd forgotten long ago. She passed away just before I was a teenager and our holiday traditions went with her. She had a pretty big hand in raising me during my early formative years. I even had a twin bed on the other side of her bedroom where I slept often. She was Jewish, so during the holiday season, we celebrated Hanukkah with her and Christmas with my immediate family. I remember her silver menorah with the blue candles we lit each day of Hanukkah. I was so excited when she finally gave me the matches and let me light the candles. I was a big girl. I'd help her prepare food. She taught me the Hebrew prayers. It was obviously cool as a child to get the 8 gifts for Hanukkah and then more for Christmas. These memories all flood into my being like she's sharing her mind with me. Maybe she is. I have no idea how it all works, but meditation has recovered so many great times in my life. Living in survival as a victim and just trying to make life work when it wasn't did not allow for these positive experiences to surface. There was no room inside me. I had to set some things down before I could pick these up. The experiences continue to flow inside me. Her and I went to temple every Friday night. I loved going with her. During the holidays, it was always so festive. We'd help out in the kitchen and us kids would walk around with trays passing out food and drinks. I almost always volunteered for this. Serving others was just how things were done. My mom was this way and my great grandma was too. When she passed away, everything about the Jewish traditions like Hanukkah and even cooking and reading and sewing all passed on with her. Christmas was fun, but no one really explained the meaning of it, so all I knew was we got gifts. My mom decorated a lot and we went to visit family we rarely saw throughout the year. It was usually a bit stiff and awkward until a couple drinks were passed around. The vibe was very different from how it felt at my great grandma's. Not bad, really, but just different. I had a such huge void when she passed away. It was a traumatic time in my life for many reasons, but that's for another time. She believed when we died, our bodies went into the ground and that was it. Bah. I did not understand or remember anything else about how Jews saw death, only that she was gone for good. And my parents and family did not talk about her or her passing much after that. Then I hit my hormone years with a massive bang. Oh my gosh, my cats, I'm really sorry. This meditation allowed me to finally grieve my great grandma's passing some 30 years after her death. Being present to this experience made me see how much her passing affected me. All at once, it reminded me of her love. She told me how proud she was. How she's been with me all these years and even more so during these years of healing. She's helped guide me. She's been with me on drives when I needed to get away or even at work while delivering food around my area. She's come into my heart during meditations before and since. She's revived many other beautiful memories of ours. And I am so grateful to have them back. I miss her so much. You may not believe our spirits live on past physical death or that we can sense them, communicate with them. That's okay. I did not used to believe in anything bigger than my life, especially after she passed on. So I respect your beliefs, whatever they may be, because mine have evolved and changed drastically over time and with knowledge and experiences. Today, I believe all beliefs are personal and all are acceptable, whether they match mine or not. We all have our own purpose for a reason, our own journey. I believe all paths to the energy that created all of us are correct. All I can do is honor the spirit in you and hope you honor the spirit in me. Nothing more, nothing less. Then I told my wife about my great grandma and the holidays. She asked if there was anything we could do to help make this a better time, a more positive experience. God, I love her. I told her I was thinking about buying a menorah in my great grandma's memory. She said to go for it. Another insight I gained is ever since mine and my partner's very first Christmas tree, which was a fake three foot tree we had on the living room table, I've only ever wanted blue and silver Christmas decorations, blue and silver wrapping paper. It never even dawned on me the past 20 years, those are the colors of Hanukkah. My mom is all about red and green, Santa and snow, but I've always been all about the silver bows, the snowflakes, and every shade of blue and silver I could find. Just like my great grandma's silver menorah with her blue candles and the Star of David, which snowflakes remind me of. Everything lives in our minds and bodies, either consciously or subconsciously. Growing an awareness of ourselves, our senses, thoughts, feelings, and surroundings helps us realize our subconscious selves so we can tap into who we really are in whole and even find out why. Then if what we become aware of in ourselves does not serve us, we now have the power to change it. The light within can help us through any and every dark tunnel, trust me, we are not alone. It may only be a flickering candle lighting our very next tiny step, but the way to our hearts, to our purpose, is on the other side of that step. But we cannot fix anything we are not aware of, and we cannot move forward without taking that first step, and being willing to take the next, just like when we learn to walk. In this case, the memory of my grandma actually does serve me, because I can settle my sadness by keeping her memory alive, I can acknowledge and spend time with her spirit, I will get a menorah next year and make the intention to share the warm, safe, and loving experience she gave me with my own family, and she will be with us. This gives me so much peace. After my wife asked me about the things we could do to help during this time of year, I happened to run into an idea while grocery shopping less than a week after this meditation. Vons decided to rearrange their entire store just in time for the holidays, or maybe it was just in time for my holiday this year. I am walking up and down the aisles looking for rice, I stumble upon their kosher aisle and the mix for matzo ball soup grabs all my attention, I smile. I feel my grandma smiling, I used to love making matzo ball soup with her, I know she had a hand in getting me to that aisle. I am so excited to make and eat this soup again, just thinking about it fills my heart to the brim. Very often when I was a child, we would make this soup together. She made everything from scratch, so I was cheating a bit with the mix, but I read online how many people preferred the mix because the matzo balls came out fluffier, this ended up being true, although I still miss hers. I feel her right next to me in the kitchen as I drop each raw matzo ball into the broth and watch them blow up to twice their size as soon as they hit the hot liquid. I feel her guiding me on seasonings, heat, etc. My grandma and I smile as we remember how this was one of my all-time favorite things to do with her. She is so beyond proud of the woman I am becoming, finally, I feel it in my entire being. It was a very cool experience to share with my family too. We even came up with some ideas to spice it up a little with my wife's Hispanic roots, making it a full family affair. This all inspired me to crawl out of my little holiday slump. I started meditating and writing again, obviously, since you're listening to the story. I can use all this awareness, all these feelings, ideas, and support to help me heal. Then maybe next year, as I light the candles and remember the time I had with her, I can let it motivate me to create those magical memories in my own family, more and more each year, instead of bringing us all down with my sadness every year. What a magical gift. Becoming aware of myself, of how life shaped me, has been the starting point for knowing how to become the creator of my todays and tomorrows. What I've gone through does not have to sink into me like cement and weigh me down for life. I can change my thoughts, which will change my feelings and lead to new behaviors and essentially a new life. One tiny step at a time. I have overcome some crazy shit, pun intended. We all can, and with just a few tools, some inner guidance, and a willingness to fail. Because that is how we succeed. I don't know if this will be my last quit nicotine date. That statement alone is a tool I'm using to remind myself, regardless of what happens, all I can do is tell you, I don't smoke today. Because this moment today is the only one that truly has the power to make any and all change happen. It's the only place where life happens. Eckhart Tolle shares a very powerful truth in his incredible book, The Power of Now. Quote, Now is the most precious thing there is. Have you ever experienced, done, thought, or felt anything outside of the now? Do you think you ever will? Is it possible for anything to happen or be outside the now? The answer is obvious, is it not? Nothing ever happened in the past. It happened in the now. Nothing will ever happen in the future. It will happen in the now. End quote. We can live in the past, but it will not change anything. We can worry about the future, but that will also not change a damn thing. Now is all we have. Right here, right now. I do not have to feel sad during the holidays, and that is good enough for me. Are you struggling with anything in your life you wish you could change? I invite you to take a moment with me to experience and believe. Bring all your attention into this present moment with me. I'd ask what you're thinking about, but since you're listening to me talk, I'll just move forward. What are you feeling right now? What do you see? What do you hear? Do you smell anything? Do you taste anything? What is your body touching? Welcome to the present moment, your personal reality. Now imagine something you want shifted in your life. It can be the first thing that comes to mind or the tenth thing. It can be big or small. It can be something to do with you, your job, or anyone in your life. I'll give you a sec to choose one thing. Okay, do you have the circumstance in mind? Now imagine this situation has suddenly evolved into your perfect desired outcome. You're all the way at your perfect ending. All the feelings, drama, and everything it took to get you here are behind you. What does it look like now? Take a moment on this if you need to. Some of you may even have to consider further what that outcome is. Okay, you got it? This next part is very important. It's where creation is born. With that perfect solution for yourself, your relationship, your job, with your friend, or in your family is front and center in your mind, now allow yourself to feel it. Imagine yourself right there in that beautiful vision. Feel the relief, the love, the calm, the triumph. Feel whatever it is you will feel when this outcome becomes your reality. Believe for just this magical moment that it is real and happening right now. It is just for you. Please allow yourself to sit with this elevated feeling for just a moment. Feels good, right? Then your thoughts might invade, telling you any number of things and reasons and issues that would stop you from this moment. Or at least that's what my mind used to do. But what you just did is called desire and intention. These are the very first steps to evolving your circumstances, your life, and this particular situation into your own infinite creation. Don't believe me? Fair enough. I did not believe this shit at first either. But will you please do me a favor? In the upcoming moments, days and weeks, when your mind provides you with thoughts, maybe an urge to do something related with your desired shift, I challenge you to listen to yourself. See what happens. I could be full of massive shit. You never know. Or you could end up on the path to conquering negative ADHD symptoms like I did. Or taking back control of something huge in your life like your emotional health. You might meet a stranger who you're destined to meet because you both have gifts for each other. Or maybe you figure out why something hurt so bad during a period of the year. Or you choose to quit smoking on the holidays. Everything is possible. And these first steps are how I overcame all of this. Things may not happen the way I think they could, should, or would. But that does not mean there is anything wrong with how it all went. Sometimes, well actually many times for me, life had a much better plan than I did. I'm consistently working on releasing my expectations. We just need to keep our minds, our senses, and our feelings alert, in this moment, now. Please do not discount something because you tell yourself it's too good to be true. Or push it away because it does not look how you think it will. Let's take in everything and strive to become present. This is where the magic happens. I believe we are all perfect the way we are. For me, this has meant seeing perfection in my imperfections, and perfection in this present moment we call right now. So much of my life has felt anything but perfect. But without all my fuck-ups and failures, I would never know how those trials would eventually lead me to being triumphant and successful in life. And most importantly, how everything led to my happiness, and to you. And it was not by being a lawyer, a brain surgeon, or an engineer like I wanted to as a kid. Or even having that house, car, and SUV before I had kids. Those are what I used to think being triumphant and successful in life were all about. Today, I know none of those lives would fulfill me. I may not be rich. I might not even be anything you want to strive to be. That's cool. I promise you, there is no one like me. And there is no one like you either. It's time to stop comparing. Laura Williams from the podcast Out of the Dark said, quote, comparison is the thief of joy, end quote. I had never thought about that, but how true that is. The weeks leading up to releasing my podcast, I was a mess. What if no one likes it? What if it does not lead me to a place where I can earn money for my family? What if the judgment is more than I can handle? Then I was reminded, what am I actually doing this for? Right here. Right now. The truth is, I am doing this to help myself heal. Out loud and proud. The bigger truth is, I am doing this because I fucking love it. I love writing. I love creating. I love the feedback my friends have shared, sure. But the truth is, even if I never make a dime, it does not help anyone but me, and the judgment takes me down a dark hole, then it is what it is. I can find a different job, I might find a different way to help people, and I will crawl out of my hole. But when I take a beat to believe, to allow the vision that was brought to me to be displayed in my mind in technicolor, I have nothing to worry about. I know where I'm headed, even if I don't know where that is, and now I know how to fly over any obstacle that gets in my way. As long as I'm being here now, and able to see them coming. And also, as long as I do not compare myself to others. I was meant to be here, exactly as I am, speaking directly to you right now. I believe you are exactly who you are supposed to be, where you are meant to be, and today we are sharing a connection because of what we have gone through, and that connection will help us both get where we are headed, hopefully. The big two-part episode I'm releasing the week after next talks about the massive shifts our lives can take, and displays the purpose of exactly how life can turn the darkest times into the lightest hope. These episodes, which all release at the same time, are my proudest ones yet. Probably because I've never shared some of what I will be sharing. Nothing is a coincidence. We are sharing this present moment, this gift, for a reason. So thank you for being here, and being a part of my journey. I hope we can help each other celebrate ourselves, learn how to enjoy life most days, and be present, be who we truly are, and most importantly, be proud of that person. That's what I strive to be as often as possible. Once again, thank you for joining me as we evolve into now, and find what's right in this present moment, because the past is not where we have to live, and the future can only be in our hands when we put our attention on ourselves in today. I appreciate being a part of your beautiful soul, and I put my intention out for us that this episode puts your magical ending into motion. Pay attention. Thank you. Infinite Power. Have a wonderful day, my friend.