Stan

The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-worth and setting boundaries in relationships. They discuss the dangers of settling for less and betraying oneself in the name of love. By listening to one's intuition, setting standards, and prioritizing self-care, one can cultivate self-trust and attract healthier relationships. The key message is to stop ignoring one's gut feelings, prioritize self-respect, and stop settling for less than what one deserves. Self-love and self-respect are essential for finding fulfilling relationships. If you're here after watching That Real, you know the one where I said situationships are deranged? Good, because this is the conversation no one wants to have. Look, we don't need to talk about divine feminine energy anymore, or manifesting your dream then. We need to talk about why so many of us keep betraying ourselves in the name of connection. People keep calling confusion chemistry, and calling comms epic. And look, the truth is you're not tired just because you're single. You're tired because you've been over giving in the name of potential. Let me be so for real with you right now. If you have to analyze how someone feels about you, then they've already told you. If you have to remind them how to treat you, they don't respect you. If you have to keep lowering your standards just to feel connected, or post a Instagram story just to hear from them, that is not love, that's not life, that's not even a crush. That's just self-abandonment with probably good lighting, babe. I say this because I've done it, because I've been there. I used to be the girl that would wait for texts, make excuses, pretend I didn't care. I'd match their energy and I'd call it detachment. But that wasn't confidence, it was just fear. Fear that if I skimmed my work, I would end up alone. I would end up with what the patriarchy had said, that I would be a woman without a man, and I wouldn't be worth anything. But honestly, playing into that script, and settling, and just being with a man because you think you have to, and accepting things that you don't want to accept, that is how you lose yourself. That is how I lost myself. Not in one big heartbreak, but in a thousand small actions of self-betrayal disguised as, oh, I'm just a chill girlfriend, oh, I'm just a chill girl he's dating. Yeah, sound familiar? You see, the day it clicked for me wasn't after my breakup. I mean, it should have been because he did cheat on me, and I did find myself wondering what I'd done wrong. But no, that wasn't my rock bottom. My rock bottom was when a man I was dating invited me for a weekend away as his guest, and then when we decided to cook ourselves a nice little meal, we were in the grocery store, and when it came time to pay, guess who took out her credit card? It was me. Why? Because he didn't. He stopped, he faltered, he waited to see what I would do, and instead of splitting it with me, which, I mean, is, oh God, even like, not even acceptable, but what, not even, it's just not even what you would expect if you invite someone as your guest. He asked me if I could grab his cold and flu medication. This man was sick. He invited me on a weekend away, and he wanted me to pay for not only the groceries, but also his medication. And I did! That was my rock bottom. Okay, that's when I stopped romanticizing struggle. That's when I stopped mistaking attachment for debt. That is when everything changed for me. You see, standards aren't rules for other people. They're just rituals for you. There are quiet ways you tell the world, this is how I want to be treated. It's how you say my peace is expensive and my energy is sacred. Being self-possessed isn't about being cold or unbothered, as men will have you think, okay, how everyone is going to have you think. It's just about being anchored. Grounded enough to know what feels good in your body and what doesn't. Look, you don't make decisions from loneliness. You have to make them from alignment. You can't sometimes listen to what your friends or family are going to say about your too picky comments, because the truth is, your gut knows before anyone else does. The problem is, you've just stopped listening because the truth felt inconvenient. And if you've forgotten who that voice is, here's how you're going to find her again. You're going to do one thing daily. One thing daily that will cultivate that self-trust within yourself, something that says, I've got me. Whether it's blocking the number you keep checking, saying no without guilt, cooking yourself a really nice meal just because you can, moving your body, honoring the thing you said you were going to do and actually doing it. Writing one sentence about how you feel, because every small act of honesty teaches your body, I'm safe when I choose myself. And by you choosing yourself and showing up for yourself and actually doing that thing, it teaches your body, it teaches your brain, it teaches your heart that you are not going to betray yourself. And if you do not betray yourself, how will you allow anyone else to betray yourself? Next comes weekly. Once a week, I want you to do something that reminds you that you are the main character. Get dressed for yourself, not for anyone else. Wear the sparkly outfit. Wear that dress that's behind you in your wardrobe that you've been saving for a special occasion. The special occasion is simply that you exist. The special occasion is that you are taking yourself out. Go and buy the flowers. Finish the task you've been avoiding. Truthfully, your confidence doesn't come from being desired by women, from men, from anyone. It comes from you being dependable to yourself. Once a month, I want you to stretch your life just a little bit wider. Book the trip. Join the class. Try the new thing that scares the fuck out of you. Okay? Because when you start living bigger, you stop tolerating small love. And growth comes from the other side of discomfort. That is how standards are built. Not through affirmations, but by repetition. Not from perfection, but from pattern breaking. From choosing yourself again and again and again and again and again until it becomes instinctual. Okay, think back with me for a second. You know when you were kids and your parents get you to brush your teeth like morning and night and morning and night and morning and night? And you might have been like, but I don't want to do this. It's so inconvenient. It's a little bit like standards. It's kind of inconvenient. It's going to feel a bit icky. It's going to feel a bit uncomfortable. You're going to have guilt. But by doing it again and again and again and again, it's going to become a habit. It's going to become something that you just do. Because it's second nature. So, get through the icky, uncomfortable bit and just keep going. Keep doing it. Because in 30, 60, 90 days, you're going to be so happy that you did. You're going to be so, so in love with yourself that you will not be tolerating anyone's bullshit. Okay? Now, people might say, oh, this is a lot. You're being too picky. You're selfish. They'll say he's a good guy. You just need to give it time. But deep down, if you already know something's off, you already know something's off. You know when your body's tense before he texts back. You know when relief or place of excitement after seeing him. You know when you're explaining his behaviour to his friends instead of celebrating it. And you know when something's off in your relationship. Think back. Think back. Think back to when you had that moment, that feeling, that gut knowing that it was over. That you couldn't be with him. That this isn't what you wanted. That's not anxiety, babe. That's just awareness. That's your intuition coming through loud and strong. And all we need to do is cultivate her. All we need to do is listen to her. You need to get out of your own way and stop gaslighting yourself into saying when your intuition is begging, crying, screaming, throwing up for you to leave. Look, the truth is, your friends don't live in your body. Your family doesn't live in your body. Strangers on the internet don't live in your body. Even I don't live in your body, okay? What feels true and good and right to me might not feel true and good and right to you. But you know who knows? Your gut knows. You know. Because you've been with you your whole life. You've been with you the entire time. So stop ignoring her. Stop ignoring her and start actually listening. If you don't know how to listen, go back. Go back and make a timeline of every single time when something hasn't left out and then think. Think. Was there a moment? Was there something? Was there a feeling? Was there a emotion? Was there a tightness in my chest? What was the sensation I felt? Write it down. Study yourself. Study your triggers. Okay? Because you're going to be with you for the rest of your life. So you better get damn comfortable in your body. And you better start to realize when she is telling you no and when she is telling you a full body yes. Now the goal isn't to become a woman who never doubts herself. The goal is to become a woman who trusts herself to it. Even when she is activated. Even when she is triggered. Even when she meets people that just leave you feeling a bit off-kilter, off-center. You don't have to be perfectly healed. You just have to stop negotiating with what hurts. Because peace isn't a reward anymore. Peace is just a requirement. God, it's so expensive to live. It's so expensive to just be in this economy. We just need peace at this point in time. It's literally a requirement for everyone moving forward. Alright, I want you to close your eyes and I want you to say this with me. I will not chase what confuses me. I will not negotiate my boundaries for attention. My standards are not high. They're just honest and true. My boundaries are not walls. They're proof of self-respect. I am magnetic to effort, stability, consistency and truth. I am the standard. If this hit you today, it's because you already know it's time, babe. Time to stop calling potential love. Time to stop pretending your gut doesn't know. Time to stop asking yourself if you're too much. When you've just been giving too much to people too little for you. The truth is you don't need to prove your worth and you never did. You just need to protect it. Because the version of you that settles for almost never gets the love she deserves. But the one who walks away, she finally does. And trust me when I say this. You would rather walk away from a half-love. You would rather walk away from someone who wouldn't go that extra mile for you. Because, yeah, I know it's going to hurt in a moment. I know it's going to suck. It really does. But in five years' time, oh my God, Petrie was going to be so happy that you cleared the way. You cleared the way and you actually backed yourself. You found the center of what felt true, what felt good. And you kept showing up in that way. Which allowed you to find your most delicious, your most true, your most divine counterpart. And, yes, he exists. He's out there. But he's not going to come to you if you don't know how to take care of yourself first. If you can't show up for yourself, how can he show up for you? Honestly, that's the truth. Okay? We have to learn to take care of ourselves first. Before we want someone else in our life. Because the goal of partnership is not to enter into it thinking, Oh my God, I'm going to create an extraordinary life with this person because I have this person and that's what I need. No, the point is to create an extraordinary life that you already want to be in. And then you go out and think, Ah, I want to share that with someone. That is how you draw and call the love in that is meant to you. That is going to make you feel so happy and peaceful and just free inside. That allows you just to be authentically you. Now, I want you to listen to this as much as you need. Okay? Anytime you think to yourself, Oh, maybe I could just, Oh, but maybe, maybe I could just give it a second chance. Or maybe I could do it. No, we're not. We're not accepting a bare minimum effort anymore. No, we are not, baby girl. Okay? Listen to this. Remember who you are. Come back to yourself. Do the affirmations as much as you need. Because remember, you are the standard. You are the standard. You set the standard. And you will not chase what confuses you. Okay? No, you will not. Now, remember, I love you. And I will see you back on Instagram. Bye-bye.